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There’s no doubt that parenting is a difficult job. But being a teacher isn’t exactly a cakewalk either. While the role might seem easy on paper, it’s not as simple as standing in front of a whiteboard and reading from a textbook. It often involves juggling the roles of educator, therapist, mediator and entertainer all at once. And it requires a lot of energy to keep up with young students!
Because teachers are often overworked, underpaid and misunderstood, some have taken to Reddit to share harsh truths that they would love to tell parents. Below, we’ve gathered some brutally honest thoughts educators have posted online, so enjoy reading through, and don’t hesitate to pass this list along to any parents who might need a reality check!
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#1
Tell your kids no. Tell them no often. No, they don't need a "yes" day. No, it will not traumatize them. Tell them no, get them used to it. NOW, like right now!!
Darryl King 1 year ago
A child who doesn't hear the word 'no' as an answer will become an adult who won't accept the word 'no' as an answer.
RELATED:
#2
Your child is acting out because it is the first time that they have encountered boundaries. I am not a mean teacher, nor am I picking on your child; I have rules and expectations.
#4
Please read to your kids. Take them to the library. Sign them up for summer reading programs. Give them books instead of tablets. Help them find material that is suited to their interests.
Remedial reading programs can help, but a lack of home support for developing literacy is the root of the problem. .
#5
You didn’t just have a “baby”. You are raising a future adult, who will need to be self-sufficient, responsible, polite, tolerant and caring. Stop babying your kids! Teach them how to tie their shoes, say “please and thank you” and that they aren’t always right and/or in charge!
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
Study after study has shown that the more affectionate you are with your children, the happier, more stable and independent the child will be as an adult. You can't give too much love. You can only spoil them by doing things for then they could (age-appropriatly) do for themselves
#6
You’re the parent. Being a parent means you make the hard decisions. An elementary school child does not need the responsibility of deciding what to eat- you provide healthy food. They don’t need the responsibility of deciding what to study- you sit down with them and help them learn. They don’t need to decide if they take their medicine-you make that decision. You decide bed time. You decide screen time. Children cannot make these choices yet because they are children. They need the responsibility of broccoli or peas, bikes or the park, which book to read together, which shirt to wear. So many parents seems to think “gentle parenting” means letting them make all the choice, and it just isn’t. Grown ups have to be grown ups and do the hard things so kids can be healthy, safe kids.
JB 1 year ago
I get this one a lot in French immersion: "...but I don't speak French, so I can't help." You're the adult, act like it. You have a while prefrontal cortex and at least two decades with of work habits up on this kid, plus you control their time - you might not get the specifics of the assignment, but you can bloody well set the child up for success!
#8
Please teach your kids basic manners and etiquette.
The fact that I have to teach 14 year olds about simple "please", "thank you", and eye contact is mind-boggling.
Justanotherpanda 1 year ago
Eye-contact is a discussion though, in some cultures it is considered rude. Be careful with that.
#9
You chose to have kids. Choose to parent them well.
#10
I can’t get them to do their homework. How could I indoctrinate them into becoming LGBTQ+ antifa furries?
#11
When your child speaks, you have to acknowledge it. You can say no after they're done speaking; you can even be silent. But YOU MUST acknowledge that they spoke to another human.
#12
We can't fix your failures as a parent.
Matthew Holt 1 year ago
Just cause you had unprotected sex it doesn't mean you're qualified as a parent. Sometimes parents don't know what is best for their kids. And they need to hear that.
#13
Seeing a lot of (understandable) behavioral comments here, so I'll add something new to the list:
"When you build a family culture that DEMANDS good grades, you aren't encouraging learning. You're encouraging your kid to try to game the system out of fear. It undercuts what I'm trying to do in the classroom.".
Chicken Nugget 1 year ago
Exactly - once they get to college, those kids will cut loose and fail spectacularly! Raise good kids, not good grades
#15
We are employees and much of what we do is dictated to us.
If you don't think Starbucks should put iced coffee in plastic cups because it's bad for the environment, don't yell at the barista about it. (And don't go on social media to tell everyone what a moron she is.)
Parents often assume teachers have more power than we actually do.
Gabriele Alfredo Pini 1 year ago
Thankfully in Italy there is still a big "libertà d'insegnamento" (freedom of teaching) so that the teacher is the last responsible for how and what to teach, the state can only give some 3 or 5 years general objectives. But the push to control is a pendulum, and now is swinging back
#16
Your child does not need a phone.
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago (edited)
I'm dreading the day this topic comes up. Maybe I'll just get her one of those ancient Nokia phones, they're indestructible and you can play Snakes on them
#17
Stop trying to be friends with your kids. You can be "friendly" to your kids; minors don't have to be treated like transactional trash, which was (arguably) a prevalent parenting style with a disproportionate number of parents in years gone by. However, kids need structure and boundaries so firm but fair is acceptable. Hold them accountable and set the bar high. Don't let them sit in front of screens at young ages. Model appropriate digital behavior. MAKE kids accept responsibility for their mistakes and stop blaming everyone else or displacing blame when it squarely lies on them for making poor choices. Read to them and with them at young ages. Instill in them a love of learning. Please give them a loving and supportive home environment and leave your toxic trauma out of their domain.
#18
Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Yes, your “little angel” did / say that. Knock off the “Not my baby!” nonsense.
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
I pulled the "are you crazy?" On a kid when I witnessed him trip a classmate...directly in front of me, to which he replied "I didn't do it". "Go to detention, go directly to detention, do not pass go, do not collect $200." He smiled and did as instructed, so there's that.
#20
Stop doing your kids work for them. It helps no one.
Glenn Cuneo 1 year ago
I've had zoom classes where a parent signed on for a kid just to tell me their sweet little cherub was "busy" and they would be sitting in on class. "Mrs so and so? I see "Billy Bob" playing video games in the background, we will try again tomorrow when he signs on", click, session ended.
#21
If you ignore 6 Class Dojo posts, 11 automated calls from the school office, 9 flyers, 6 mentions in the weekly class newsletters, the message on the school kiosk, 2 district robocalls, and 3 emails and 2 personal phone calls from me, then you DO NOT get to call and curse me out because you missed one of your child's special events. 28 parents were able to get there, and 1 wasn't. Your child was really disappointed, but it wasn't my fault. Do the math and look in a mirror, lady.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
I will say that it hurts your child more than you can ever imagine. Especially when it becomes a pattern.
#22
I am a teacher, not a doctor, therapist, or psychologist. It is not my job to put up with or fix your kid’s a*****e personality.
BrunoVI 1 year ago
Yes, yes, yes, yes! I get so tired of teachers who think they know better than doctors, therapists and parents! By all means, punish the a******s! Let their parents know! And parents, defend and praise your teachers and admins who back up the teachers who tell parents that they need to do better at home!
#23
Your kid isn't special.
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
Well, my kid will always be special to me, but I know full well that doesn't. mean she's special to anyone else
#24
It’s pay now or pay later when it comes to disciplining your kids. By the time you figure that out, they won’t be in school anymore.
#25
Stop being your kids defense attorney and start being their PARENT.
#26
I cannot teach at school what you don't encourage at home.
If you expect to send your child to school in order for them "be a better person" yet you mistreat them at home, then you get what you give. I can't teach a student whose parent doesn't value their student or their student's education.
If your student fails my class don't get mad at me when YOU'VE been telling your student "[insert subject here] doesn't matter". I'm not fighting the apathy that YOU AS A PARENT put in your kid's head. My 'passion' won't compete with it.
TheElderNom 1 year ago
This so much! Also don't belittle your children's interests or tell them they won't be good in [subject] since you weren't good in it.
#27
NEVER tell a child to do something or stop doing something unless you are prepared to follow through with an action. The number of times I’ve heard parents scream “stop that” over and over without moving to force the child to indeed “stop that”. It’s headache inducing. I told my children once then I followed through by getting up and “ helping“ them if they didn’t listen. You don’t have to be mean or yell or punish, just follow through or don’t say something to begin with.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
Yes, yes, yes. Kids gets it quickly when grown ups just talk and never act.
#28
It’s ok to have your kids in discomfort and bored. It’s a fundamental part of life. People can’t preserve your feelings 100% of your waking life. Stress can be good.
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
But don't set your kid's up for failure and misery. Life is full of those even without trying
#29
Allowing your child to get away with theft, assault, or vandalism without actual consequences when they are young will only lead to them being imprisoned when they finally become of age. It’s not okay when they are 7 years old as much as when they are 17 years old. You are setting them up for failure and tragedy by not dealing with these unacceptable behaviours when they are young.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
This! Stop with the "it's only a child" answer. I used to be a teacher in a nursery school, even young kids do know what they're doing and perfectly get why this can't be accepted. But if they see there is no punishment, why would they stop? Don't rely on their morals to stop out of respect for others. Just like grown ups, some kids will only obey the rule because they fear the punishment.
#30
Your kid isn't the only kid.
#31
Laziness and apathy is learned at home not at school. We have exciting plans that keep us active for 90 minute blocks. What’s 90 mins spent at home with your child look like?
TheElderNom 1 year ago (edited)
I was studying to become a teacher and was monitoring a class as part of my studies. The kids had just had a "bus safety day" and they were all so excited about it and talked endlessly about the importance of using belts, looking when crossing the road etc. When I came back again a month later some were still careful, about half were normally careful but like a quarter we're super negative about it all. "Mom doesn't use a seatbelt on the bus." "Dad says it's stupid to use a belt." So many examples like that. Then we also had parents that shittalked certain subjects, usually math, or instilled in their kids that they were bad at certain subjects. There is a reason I didn't end up being a teacher.
#32
Just because you went to school doesn’t mean you know how to teach.
The Darkest Timeline 1 year ago
I would also add, “Just because you’re smart and successful in your field doesn’t mean you know how to teach.”
#33
If you want your kids to be better students, start by aiding them in becoming good human beings. They are a reflection of what you do inasmuch what you don't do. Do better so they too can do better.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
I don't get how parents can have their kids act like total morons and not understand that's a reflection of themselves.
#34
You have more control over your kid’s phone than I do—use it.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
If you are going to let your kid loose on the world wide web, pretend to be a parent and WATCH what they are doing. Have the passwords and CHECK.
#35
You're not doing enough to prepare them for life.
#36
Society has failed families, and the teachers and the education system are the only ones still trying to put up a fight. We're tired. Be nicer to us.
#37
1. Allowing your child to fail will benefit them 100x more than you intervening for them. 2. You have to be willing to say no to your kid, and mean it/not waver.
Karen Krause 1 year ago
My dad was a big believer in letting us learn by failure. He said it made sure we learned the lesson. He was also there to help us if we failed, no judgement, just a lesson. That's also important, be there to pick the kid up if they do fail.
#38
You were likely not parented well, and now the cycle is continuing with you not parenting your child appropriately. This is going to take some serious effort to correct. It will not be fun, but it will be worth it for both of you (and our society).
Feathered Dinosaur 1 year ago
I'm glad I had therapy before kids. Because now I know where my mental health problems come from I can actively avoid the same mistakes. Also reading up on parenting helps. Of course it doesn't mean I won't make any mistakes, but at least I can own up to them when I realize what I did
#40
Don’t celebrate too hard—grades are inflated.
DetriMentaL 1 year ago
It doesn't hurt to build a child's sense of achievement, each child has a different grasp on how they learn. If they studied hard then celebrate that inflated mark.
#41
Providing things your child needs is your job and should never be held over the child.
This is true in many situations. I currently work in a preschool and there are parents that will blame the child for not having a change of clothes or a blanket and lovey for nap time. I have parents that will blame my 3-6 y/o's of having accidents on purpose because they "knew they didnt have a change". Of course we have school clothes for them but a child wearing their own clothes is important for their sense of self!!!! I also have parents who refuse to bring in spare clothes because their child is potty trained as if water/milk/paint spills are not incredibly common in the preschool classroom.
In elementary I personally believe parents should still be ensuring their backpack/lunchbox is packed and has everything they need for the day. When I was a child (with ADHD) I had to pack my own lunch starting in 2nd grade. I just wouldn't eat because I would forget and I hated school lunch. I also frequently forgot my homework and was blamed for being lazy and unorganized..... at 7 years old.....
I know there are financial reasons why this may be unattainable but that is more of a gov. issue than a parent one. Every parent should have enough money to provide clean clothes, healthy food, and required supplies for school.
If you are financially able to provide for your child and you DONT then you are a bad parent. End of story.
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago
If I could upvote this more, I would. Your children are your responsibility, teachers are a back up if needed.
#42
You are actively harming your child’s wellbeing and development by not getting them the help and support that all of us educators, counselors, psychs etc are begging you to get.
You may think your 10-year-old is using the internet responsibly, but I promise you, they are not. I have yet to meet a single parent that understands discord, game/streaming chats, etc. Y’all have NO idea what your kid is doing online.
#43
Learning is just work. Stop telling your kids that learning is fun and start telling them that they need to work in order to learn. So many kids just stop learning when they get to any obstacle because they haven't been taught that learning is work.
#44
Homeschooling is stupid at best and abuse at worst. Send your children to school.
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 1 year ago
I wanted this on the top of this post, to be honest. There are very good reasons that homeschooling is not allowed (only for very, very very rare exceptions) in my country and they are the exact same reasons it should not be allowed in the US.
#45
Your kid needs to see an addiction specialist. They can’t put the screens away.
#46
Your child may leave the teacher or school that you hate but they will always be stuck with you.
#47
Your mental health affects your child’s mental health. It’s worth working really, really hard to manage symptoms, especially anxiety and trauma. It affects how emotionally available you are to your child and how resilient your child is. Anxious kids can also manifest anger and avoidance, so it’s in your interest too to get a handle on things.
Mental healthcare isn’t easy to get, and financial challenges, which often provoke or worsen mental health issues, are also very difficult. While it’s not simple to get on top of these things, it’s worth putting the resources you have into the fight.
me myself and i (she/her) 1 year ago
Yup. My mom straight up told me it’s my fault she has depression, and I told her to get a therapist, because I’m fourteen and already have anxiety. I can’t help her much, and I’ve been trying to do more to not stress her out, but I don’t know what else I can do.
#48
Get your priorities around money right. Your kids need food, clothing, and shelter more than you need your booze, weed, cigs, or hair/nails did. Also, your kids don't need brand new, brand name clothes, Disney vacations, and the latest iGadget.
All it does is make the kids whose parents can't afford those things feel like s**t. Though, I'd argue you can't afford them either judging by the debt you're in and the fact that you're one missed payment from a visit from the repo man.
#49
If it says he’s “inattentive” on his report card frequently, GET THEM TESTED FOR ADHD. Future him will thank you for preventing him from a very confusing 20’s.
Brian Hawley 1 year ago
Badly behaved kids don’t always have ADHD. Sometimes they’re just little a******s, which they learned from you.
#51
We are not out to "get your child". We are following protocol and procedure. Trust me, if I didn't NEED to contact you, I wouldn't! I don't like it any more than you do.
Also. Teach your kids to be responsible with their things. I work in the library and we also have the computer help desk in there as well. You wouldn't believe the condition kids return their stuff in, if at all! And yes! You do have to pay for it if it's damaged or lost! It doesn't magically go away.
#52
Stop smoking! We can smell it on your kids.
Luis Hernandez Dauajare 1 year ago (edited)
Story time: a while ago I worked at a language center. We taught kids on Saturdays morning. Once, a fellow teacher came to class sober, but with a hangover (he had been partying the day before). A kid came close to him and said "Hey, teacher, why do you smell like my dad?". The teacher stopped drinking that day.
#53
Talk to your child, not at your child. It will build their language skills. I had to explain to 8 year olds the other day what a d**g store is.
Take your child out and expose them to the world. Asking kids what they did over the weekend is depressing. 90% of them play video games or are on YouTube.
If a teacher tells you to please get your child evaluated, please do so and don't be in denial, especially in the early grades. These same kids will hit the 5th grade and the same parents in denial will want services and will blame the school for not doing anything.
Spencer's slave no longer 1 year ago
I agree with 99.9% of this statement except: talk TO your child. Talking WITH your child is better. A healthy discussion is a brilliant way to help a child learn
#54
Your kid doesn’t have anxiety; they’re uncomfortable. Let them be. That’s where the growth happens.
clairebear 1 year ago (edited)
Some kids do suffer from anxiety—especially autistic ones. Going to school is overwhelming and exhausting. Meltdowns usually happen at home when they can "let go" but the anxiety builds all day. be sensitive of this.
#55
You are the problem.
#56
I have a f*****g degree in this, do you?
WonderWoman 1 year ago
There are some people who have degrees that should never be anywhere near children let alone be a teacher. A good teacher can do wonders and mold young minds into greatness, but a bad teacher can do SO MUCH MORE DAMAGE than any of the good the others may have done. The OP sounds like the latter, not the former.
What do you think ?
Daya Meyer 1 year ago
Back when I was a kid our life had been this way. If we had done something bad, we had to apologize. If our report cards are bad, we had to go to summer schools. There were always consequences. And maybe everything was easier for us because smartphones and social media and tiktok didn't exist.
Rali Meyer 1 year ago
This: because smartphones and social media and tiktok didn't exist.
Load More Replies...
similarly 1 year ago
I first became a teacher over 30 years ago. Though I was a teacher in America, most of that time I've been a teacher in Japan. Some things have changed, and some haven't. I've noticed here in Japan a LOT more kids with anxiety. I've noticed kids who have very deep insecurities. I've noticed good kids and smart kids who just can't face going to school. If I could give advice to young people, it would be this: talk to your children, listen to them, spend time with them, do things with them, play with them, read to them, have a positive and productive relationship with them. There is no replacement for human interaction and contact.
Daya Meyer 1 year ago
Back when I was a kid our life had been this way. If we had done something bad, we had to apologize. If our report cards are bad, we had to go to summer schools. There were always consequences. And maybe everything was easier for us because smartphones and social media and tiktok didn't exist.
Rali Meyer 1 year ago
This: because smartphones and social media and tiktok didn't exist.
Load More Replies... similarly 1 year ago
I first became a teacher over 30 years ago. Though I was a teacher in America, most of that time I've been a teacher in Japan. Some things have changed, and some haven't. I've noticed here in Japan a LOT more kids with anxiety. I've noticed kids who have very deep insecurities. I've noticed good kids and smart kids who just can't face going to school. If I could give advice to young people, it would be this: talk to your children, listen to them, spend time with them, do things with them, play with them, read to them, have a positive and productive relationship with them. There is no replacement for human interaction and contact.
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