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If you are genuinely confident and secure about who you are as a person, you don’t need all that boasting and bravado. On the flip side, someone who has serious self-esteem issues is going to look for ways to prove how tough and capable they are, which can lead to some really toxic behavior.
‘SecureBros’ is a witty Instagram account that shares ironic memes, which parody what it’s like to be a (fake) alpha male. Check out some of their funniest pics below.
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#1
Gebidozo 1 month ago
Guys who describe themselves as “nice” are usually creepy, entitled incels with zero empathy, a sick ego, and a lot of anger.
Ace 1 month ago
Genuinely nice people would never feel the need to describe themselves as such.
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Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Eugh if they say they a nice guy lol THE ARE TELLING U THEY ARE IN FACT VILE !!
RELATED:
#2
Gebidozo 1 month ago
I so hate it when people speak for other groups that they aren’t part of. I know some guys who keeps saying that women have it easier than men. Dude, how would YOU know? You aren’t a woman, for Chrissake. STFU and let women speak for themselves!
royal crablets 1 month ago
Women's lives are easier because men buy us drinks and we totally shouldn't question what is in the cup or we're [insert insult here].
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Limey 1 month ago
Here is what the problem is. For the first time in history white males are not being given the home field advantage and they can’t cope with it. “Boys are not doing as well in school as girls” just means SOME boys are not doing as well as SOME girls. it just looks the way it does because in the past girls were not competing equally with boys. How do I know? Because when I was in school, there were boys subjects and girls subjects. I wanted to take some of the boys subjects and I was not allowed to. “Our” subjects were cooking and sewing and learning how to clean an iron. Boys were taking metal work, technical drawing, and (in the early days) computer science, all of which were off-limits to the girls.
Dragon Ashes 1 month ago
Equality feels like oppression to the privileged.
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Smutsia 1 month ago
Imagine being stuck in someone else’s body, thats not your own gender’s. And then being denied help to correct your body, being denied bathroom use, being denied participation in sports, and even being denied existence. Crazy right
Earonn - 1 month ago
This! Then being attacked and some rich cvnt sits on her yacht and smugly grins about it. To all the trans Pandas, especially in Scotland: you're my siblings, my kiddies, my friends and I wish I could wear a sign so you would know to approach me on the street when you are in need of help (or just a hug).
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#3
marianne eliza 1 month ago
Male observing aggressive male driver: "That guy's a maniac." Same male observing aggressive female driver: "Women are lousy drivers." See the difference?
In a nutshell, insecurity is feeling unsafe or uncertain of yourself when you interact with the world and people around you. To put it simply, if you’re insecure, you react from a place of fear, not confidence.
“It often stems from unresolved trauma or unmet needs, leading to an internal state of hyper-vigilance where we seek external validation, over-analyze our actions, and doubt our worth or abilities,” licensed professional counselor and certified trauma model therapist Janice Holland explained to Verywell Mind.
#4
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
I’m an ex gym instructor lol n when I was working or training I’d get these idiots strut past like hey girls look at me aren’t I wonderful n ripped , NO DUDE YOUR A T**T !! I’d just look em up n down with a right disgusted look lol , no time for them dudes , not only does steroid induced ripped not look good , they are always right incel arrogant twats 😂
#5
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
Being called "simp" by a $hitty dude is one of the best compliments you can receive as a man
Mimi M 1 month ago
Can we stop calling women 'girls'. Unless it's a woman talking about her close friends.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
No, we can’t, I hope. I don’t wanna be a woman; it’d mean I’m an adult, and I don’t wanna be one. It’d be okay with me on my death certificate, I guess, but I’m not ready for it yet. (Now if it’s some dingaling man using it in a derogatory way? Don’t like it. When it’s a dingaling, I prefer he call us “ladies.”)
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Spencer's slave no longer 1 month ago
Steroids aren't illegal, using non prescribed steroids is.
Load More Replies...Your insecurities can have a negative impact on your quality of life. For instance, they can undermine your relationships and your performance at work.
NYC-based neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, told Verywell Mind that insecurities can lead to emotional distancing and a reluctance to be vulnerable with others, or through a compulsive desire to prove oneself.
“Hidden insecurities often lead to a reluctance to communicate feelings or needs openly and can create a cycle of distance and misunderstandings.”
#7
Ace 1 month ago
This makes me feel attacked just because I don't like milk in my coffee (or my very rare tea). I do pue sugar in it though, does that disqualify me from Alpha-maledom?
Auntriarch 1 month ago
I drink it black no sugar, does that mean I'm an alpha male?
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Pferdchen 1 month ago
I'm probably going to get roasted (yuk yuk) here, but I actually have eaten the beans before. It was in situations where I was very tired or had to stay up late. Took a bag along with me to an outdoor NYE B-52's concert many years ago. We had front row seats and let's just say that the band appreciated my caffeine inspired enthusiasm 🤣
B 1 month ago
I can't drink coffee because it gives me migraines, so I always order tea (black or herbal)wherever I go. I seriously never feel emasculated because I actually don't give a flying toss about being perceived as an alpha male or an omega one or anything in between. And anyone who judges me for that can go die in a ditch.
Zig Zag Wanderer 1 month ago
Well, in Italy it's difficult to get anything else! I'm so used to it now I can hardly taste most bought 'coffee'. Fortunately my local barista is Italian, so does it properly for me 😎
Ace 1 month ago
In Switzerland they even bring a creamer capsule or jug if you order an espresso. FFS.
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Duane Ringlein 1 month ago
I love my black coffee every morning, not that it makes me feel more like a man, I just enjoy the taste. To me if you like coffee just drink it however you want.
Tropical Tarot 1 month ago
With so much sugar and cream in it that it no longer resembles coffee.
Gareth 1 month ago
Fun fact black coffee has less caffeine because the roasting process breaks a lot of it down, less roasting equals stronger coffee.
nottheactualphoto 1 month ago
"Black" coffee is served without adding sugar or cream. It doesn't mean dark-roasted.
Load More Replies... #8
Gebidozo 1 month ago
Hmm. The photo shows leavened bread, so it’s probably Orthodox Church, since Catholics use unleavened bread (I’m not sure about Anglicans). Anyway, protein content is very similar, unleaded bread slightly higher.
The Other Guest 1 month ago
The Methodist church I went to as a child used - I kid you not - cubes of Wonder Bread (crusts removed) & a shotglass of Welch's grape juice. The ushers passed them out from trays, then everyone took communion at the same time.
Load More Replies... Moving Enigma 1 month ago
I'm not sure it's really an "alpha make roast" but definitely made me laugh.
Certainly not Dan 1 month ago
Not sure if the liturgy has got quite that informal- ‘ here you go’ !
K Ma 1 month ago
According to the doctrine of transubstantiation, the bread becomes flesh. It's ALL protein.
#9
Zephyr343 1 month ago
I drink so much, my alcohol gets hangovers! But as someone that struggled in the past and overcame....this is not a flex. Nothing is more lonely than drinking because it has now become a chore.
Zig Zag Wanderer 1 month ago (edited)
I was about to say something similar. I actually had a great time, which was a problem because my body couldn't take it for years. Well done, my friend!
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Gareth 1 month ago
Alcoholic hepatitis is something not to look forward to, take it easy you need your liver to live.
BrownEyedGrrl 1 month ago (edited)
My husband died from this. Not a good death.
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As per Verywell Mind, some of the most subtle signs of insecurity include the following:
- Over-apologizing
- Having difficulty accepting compliments
- Constant need for validation
- Social withdrawal
- Avoiding challenges
- Overcompensation
- Perfectionism
- Jealousy and comparison
- People Pleasing
#10
Marnie 1 month ago
Do guys actually still ask if they can get a girls' number? I thought maybe with social media and stuff, they'd start with that. But if they do, have the generations not yet figured out it's far better to offer your number than to ask for theirs? I thought we established that back in the 90s.
#11
Brain-In-A-Vat 1 month ago
S'funny , during the Pandemic they refused to wear masks . Now they're ICE agents , they won't take the d**n things off . . .
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#12
Marnie 1 month ago
Yeah, we're getting down to the lower vote ones and they're starting to just be about people we don't like, nothing to do with common male behavior. So, I will stop reading here and go downvote this entire thing.
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Hassel Davidhoff 1 month ago
Well some of us autistic folks unintentionally do something like this to try to relate to someone. It might be a bit awkward but, for the most part, it's innocent.
Nikole 1 month ago
I’m not autistic, but that’s why I (unintentionally) do it too. Like it’s making a connection or something.
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When you apologize too much, it might mean that you don’t see your inherent worth, and that you’re either scared of making mistakes or being a burden to someone.
Meanwhile, if you get a compliment, the simplest thing to say is ‘thank you.’ If you find yourself needing to say something self-deprecating on top, it might indicate that you’re insecure because you have trouble accepting yourself as you are.
#13
#14
#15
Gunný Petersen 1 month ago (edited)
My ex was 100% convinced that I cheated on him for 9.5 years straight for no reason what so ever so one time when he came to pick up our daughter I told him that it doesn't matter anymore so I could be completely honest and told him that I never cheated so after a minute of silence he told me that he believed me but...... I cheated mentally!! That's when I couldn't hold myself and laughed in his face and told him that this was so useless to share with him 😅😅 how insecure can one man be??
BrownEyedGrrl 1 month ago
How did you stand it for that long? It's exhausting.
Load More Replies... Perfectionism is another important but subtle sign that you might be insecure. According to counselor Holland, perfectionism “often hides a deep sense of inadequacy.”
“People who struggle with perfectionism are usually afraid of criticism or failure, rejection, and they believe their value is tied to flawless performance, not in their inherent worth,” she explains.
#16
Gebidozo 1 month ago
I answered “yes” to the third question, “no” to all the others except the fifth one. You can’t answer either “yes” or “no” to the question “how hung are you?”
Fraxinus excelsior 1 month ago
Just a curiosity, why do people put the letter u instead of actually spelling the word you, yet spell longer words,for example restaurant?
Talis 1 month ago
In Europe, a lot of cars have stick shift. Most people can drive them, regardless of gender.
Doug Moyer 1 month ago
You have to special order them in the US (if they are even available) and they're significantly more expensive than the automatics.
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WindySwede 1 month ago
"Congenital iodine deficiency syndrome (CIDS), also called cretinism" - Wiki
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
Holy smokes! I saw “cretinism” as “creatinism,” and thought you’d made a hilarious joke about dudebros who are obsessed with weights and bodybuilding and I laughed and went on my way, but then scrolled past it again and saw what you’d *actually* typed and laughed even harder, so it’s as if you made two good jokes in one post!
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Angie May 1 month ago
Make sure you cut him off halfway through his story, too, that's paramount to the experience.
Lotekguy 1 month ago (edited)
... and be sure to talk louder then he was.
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#18
Giraffe Sitter 1 month ago
That reminds me, I need to stock up on pumpkin spice WD-40 before it’s gone for the season .
Load More Replies... Giraffe Sitter 1 month ago
Not a floor wax and a dessert topping? Oh, right, dessert is “g*y”.
WindySwede 1 month ago
and according to earlirf bp post washing your a**s is the same.. 😬
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Calane E. Vanya 1 month ago (edited)
I appreciate it if I can find a shampoo and body wash in one that doesn't have a strong scent (I don't like those stereotypically masculine scents). but if the price for having as little luggage as possible is smelling like jet fuel... Okay, so be it.
Of course, you won’t be able to solve all of your insecurities and shift your worldview overnight. It takes a lot of time, effort, and attention to change in a meaningful way. Sometimes, with the help of a therapist.
A few things that you can do to begin tackling your insecurities include:
- Prioritizing your self-awareness, where you observe your thoughts and behavior without judging yourself
- Practicing gratitude daily
- Limiting negative self-talk and practicing self-compassion
- Limiting your tendency to compare yourself with others
- Surrounding yourself with supportive people
#19
Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago
I got "buffed" once over a Michigan winter. Too difficult to wash my a**.
#21
megabeth 1 month ago
Like that dude ever read a book. Not buying what he's trying super hard to sell. Also, not saying this is flex, bc alcoholism, but I guarantee I have better taste in liqueur AND can drink him under the table.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
“Like that dude ever read a book. Not buying what he's trying super hard to sell”: They’re stock photos, Beth. That means they’re just a photos of a model doing stuff folks may need photos of. They’re not trying to “sell” you ANYTHING, though some low-rent company may use ‘em in ads for something they’re trying to sell, and these would likely work in a book about how to “be a real man,” or “how to attract chicks,” that kinda nonsense.
Load More Replies...Meanwhile, WebMD stresses that for longer-lasting feelings of insecurity, you should consider seeking a professional therapist for help sorting out your emotions. They’ll be able to help you develop strategies to empower you in your daily life.
Even though you shouldn’t be overly naive and trusting in life, you also shouldn’t be paranoid about being rejected and disliked by others. There’s a balance to be found.
“Ask yourself if you have any reason to distrust expressions of affection or liking from others. People with insecurities sometimes express doubt and perceive rejection in everything from partner relationships to new acquaintances. These expressions can be self-fulfilling. Practice taking displays of interest at face value, something that can be easier in more casual relationships. You can build up the confidence to accept deeper affection and intimacy.”
#22
Zephyr343 1 month ago
And a woman would spend 36 hours in labor and focus on only the baby while the dad sits around saying "yup! I am exhausted but we did it!"
Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago
My wife endured childbirth, I endured the procedure to prevent more kids. Only seemed fair as she would no longer need to take birth control and all the risks inherent.
Load More Replies... #23
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 1 month ago
Why is this the one funniest to me. Also wow this is old
Stardrop 1 month ago
i have the displeasure of knowing people younger than this meme... wow i never thought i could feel old as a teenager
Load More Replies... Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago
And middle school kids still say this, just like they did when MY 63 y/o a** was that age.
Crystalwitch60 1 month ago
Same for myb60 yr old self lol ,nothing changes does it 😂😂😂
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Andrew Keir 1 month ago
Funny how we all go on about Free Speech but there are always some things we can't say. And they change every few years ...
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
It seems you don’t understand the concept of free speech. Read the First Amendment so you’ll actually understand what it is. Afterwards, think about how you can say whatever you want in the US, but that doesn’t mean you’re free from the consequences of the things you say.
Load More Replies... #24
Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago
So...Repubs promoted and endorsed NAFTA( Clinton shamefully passed it) to get "Mexico to pay back their debt to us". Economic activity in Mexico has exploded by Corps moving production across the southern border, yet, MANY folks still come north. Why IS that? (eyeroll).
In the meantime, you should focus on building meaningful, positive social connections with your friends, family, and colleagues.
“There’s an inverse correlation between healthy social networks and insecure attachment styles. Having a wide circle of friends and many close connections allows you to develop the tools and confidence to engage in deeper adult relationships,” WebMD explains.
#25
Andrew Keir 1 month ago
Depends on the Whisky. Different malts taste very different - and if you're thinking of blends, I never knew you.
Spencer's slave no longer 1 month ago
Monkey Shoulder is a delicious blend of malts from 3 Speyside distilleries. Far too easy to drink though, so best enjoyed when you don't have to get up in the morning.
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#27
Khavrinen 1 month ago
The consensus among the guys in the school I went to was that the *only* possible definition of "fun" was "drinking until you throw up and then pass out". They all found the fact that I didn't like booze completely incomprehensible.
Andrew Keir 1 month ago
Your friends were all virgins, then, I presume ...
Load More Replies...The United States-based ‘SecureBros’ account, which jokingly states that it is for “alphas only,” has been up and running for over a decade. It was created back in May 2016. Currently, the project has 20.8k followers. We’ve reached out to the curator for comment, and we’ll update the post as soon as we hear back from them.
#28
Michael Largey 1 month ago (edited)
I'm retired. Some people try to tell my that 8 o'clock still happens twice a day, but I think they're just trying to spoof a poor old man.
The Other Guest 1 month ago
I'm retired as well. Unfortunately my dogs are not & still expect their breakfast at 5a. Good thing they're cute, LOL.
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#29
The Other Guest 1 month ago
You do realize that you're acting exactly like the "dudebros" you're (attempting to) make fun of, right?
Load More Replies... #30
UnclePanda 1 month ago
I'm planning on going with, "... and all of the gold is buried in the mountains at my favorite..."
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
If you genuinely, truly, honestly wanna eff with people as you go, tell ‘em instead “… and all my crypto is buried at the base of my favorite …” Imagine how at first they’ll think “Uncle P was out of his mind at the end,” and then when they go to bed at night, they’ll keep thinking, “But what if he wasn’t? What if he just misspoke?” and they’ll spend half their lives looking for it and the other half doubting themselves, and it’ll be GLORIOUS! (If “glorious” is what you’re after, I mean.)
Load More Replies...Do you have any people in your social circle who have serious self-esteem issues? What about fake ‘alpha’ bros? Where do you think their insecurity stems from?
From your perspective, what does real masculinity look like? If you feel like sharing your perspective, you can join the conversation in the comments section at the very bottom of this list.
#31
#32
Mario Clouâtre 1 month ago
I'm anything but an "alpha" but.... Beer is made from hops. Hops is bitter. A good shandy is sweet... but still "have a bite" to it. If you don't like bitter at all. Maybe you simply don't like beer? It's fine. You don't have to.
Angie May 1 month ago
Nah, let people make beers with them if they want. No one's making anyone drink anything they don't want so it's a complete nonissue.
Load More Replies... #33
Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago (edited)
As Jesus would do..I'm STILL trying to find the passage "you must shave thy head and grow thy chinstrap beard, or a Ducketh Dynasty-eth beard to be pleasing to God"
WindySwede 1 month ago
anyone that found it got s****d for working ion a sunday?
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 month ago
Actually I would prefer believers to be silent about atheism and instead examine what they actually do believe in. Atheists as well.
#34
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
I'd just be happy if people would respect it when I tell them I want no acknowledgement of my birthday. I don't secretly want a surprise party. I don't want a whole bunch of texts or phone calls. I just want to get on with my life.
Doug Moyer 1 month ago
I don't celebrate my birthday. Nothing to do with being a 'bad boy'. I just don't see the point.
#36
Geoffrey Scott 1 month ago
You forgot to add "with the twin stacks sticking up from the bed". Otherwise 20 dudes will show up.
#37
CD Mills 1 month ago
One of my BILs is like this. My late husband and I had two 20-gallon aquariums and were telling my dad about our fish. My BIL started asking lots of questions about aquariums and when we went back over there a few months later they had to show us their entire room of aquariums! He was bragging about having the most expensive equipment, the best filters and lights and owning very expensive and exotic fish breeds. I'm over here all, "I just like to watch my little school of Tetras swim around." But yeah, you spent a lot of money and have more and better-quality fish stuff than we do. Good job.
#40
#41
TotallyNOTAFox 1 month ago (edited)
" I don't shiver because it's cold, I'm shaking in anger because it isn't colder!"
#43
arthbach 1 month ago
Geoffrey, you have my pity for all of the life you have missed out on.
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#49
Doug Moyer 1 month ago
The men that I see the most wearing sleeveless shirts are a gay couple. But they've never encountered hair removal lotion. Maybe these 'alphas' just want to emulate Kevin and Garret... Super nice guys, I'd rather hang out with them then with the type of guys being roasted in this list.
#56
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
My son drove my cast-off Prius for years. He had a sticker on it that said, "Cool Prius ... said no one." 😆
#57
#61
Michael Largey 1 month ago
I suspect the attributed misspeaking is part of the mockery.
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#64
#65
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 1 month ago
Putting gen italia on your truck is gender affirming surgery. Slay ally 🏳️🌈
#73
#74
Michael Largey 1 month ago
Yes. He went into his dad's real estate business because no one else would ever hire him. Racist homophobic narcissist bully.
#78
Doug Moyer 1 month ago
It is genuinely safer. You won't hit someone backing in, but might backing out because visibility is limited. I always back into my spot in my apartment's parking garage because the camera helps me get between the concrete pillar and the steel pipes filled with concrete (there's only a couple inches clearance on either side). I back into my spot at work because we have a lot of trucks going past that some so improving visibility is better. I don't always do it in parking lots, but I typically park farther away. A full-sized truck is a pain to park.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
Some people back into a parking place just to show everyone who walks by their vehicle that they can.
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What do you think ?
Jenna Kay 1 month ago
Well, this was exactly what I expected ... dull, humourless, and not even close to reality.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
Yes, the men depicted are precisely as you describe.
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Jac Carr 1 month ago (edited)
Even the guy who "invented" it confirmed years ago that it was based on incorrect data; he's still trying to get all copies of his book removed from sale and is gutted by how it turned out
Load More Replies... General Anaesthesia 1 month ago
"The United States-based ‘SecureBros’ account ... has been up and running for over a decade. It was created back in May 2016." - Bored Panda, November 1, 2025.
Apatheist Account2 1 month ago
BP struggles with the concept of time. They think 12 year-old posts are recent.
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Apatheist Account2 1 month ago (edited)
The "LMAO" really don't make them funny. Not sure if "Home of Sexuals" is deliberate or just avoiding censors.
Jenna Kay 1 month ago
Well, this was exactly what I expected ... dull, humourless, and not even close to reality.
Michael Largey 1 month ago
Yes, the men depicted are precisely as you describe.
Load More Replies... Jac Carr 1 month ago (edited)
Even the guy who "invented" it confirmed years ago that it was based on incorrect data; he's still trying to get all copies of his book removed from sale and is gutted by how it turned out
Load More Replies... General Anaesthesia 1 month ago
"The United States-based ‘SecureBros’ account ... has been up and running for over a decade. It was created back in May 2016." - Bored Panda, November 1, 2025.
Apatheist Account2 1 month ago
BP struggles with the concept of time. They think 12 year-old posts are recent.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 1 month ago (edited)
The "LMAO" really don't make them funny. Not sure if "Home of Sexuals" is deliberate or just avoiding censors.
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