30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread

My whole family. In fact, my uncle said as much or rather yelled it at me, as we were driving to the lawyer's office after my mother died. I've lived in this city my whole life, been driving these roads for nearly 30 years, I suggested he should get over to the right lane so he could take off the highway. he starts screaming at me "I'm older than you, I've been driving longer than you, I know better than you, you know nothing because you're just a child" I'm 43 and my 14 year old son was sitting in the back seat...

My adoptive mom was basically a child in an adult body. I think she scored 80 on an IQ test once (I scored 136). Having her acting like a victim NON-STOP about literally everything that ever happened in our house (and outside of it) was more than I'd wish on my worst enemy. Her philosophy was exactly this. It doesn't matter that she's wrong; Only that she's the parent and therefore is right.... so when I call her out on behaving in a racist way because I loaned my African American best friend borrow my bicycle, she assumed he would steal it... because he's black... and she had to be "right" about that. Btw he lived next door to me. I always felt like my adoptive parents not being able to conceive was a sign from God saying "Hey uh... you really really really really really REAAAAALY shouldn't raise children," but... Her: "f- it I went though all this trouble entering a loveless marriage; I'm not going to squander it by NOT forcing another human being have me as a parent"

I'm 22 and my Grandma still does this. She'll come into my house for a visit and dictate how things should be, and I always say: "I don't tell YOU to 'get with the times' when I enter your house that you've kept in stasis from the 1960's, do I? Exactly, so leave my taste alone." And she just huffs and puffs with chagrin.

Parents are usually more wrong than children

Yup. “I’m the father,” “because I said so, etc.” There’s a place and time for that, but making it an everyday thing without teaching kids the whys behind the whats is toxic.

This can cause serious emotional/mental health damage down the road.

I ran away from home. When my parents dragged me back, they asked why I ran away. I told them how unhappy I was. They said "You don't even have any real problems!" That has led to a lifetime of me feeling guilty for ever being unhappy. And being unhappy, then feeling stupid for being unhappy because you have no "real" reason too, makes you feel even worse.

My abusive maternal grandmother was famous for saying "You don't mind." "Grandma, I got beat up at school." "You don't mind." "Grandma, Dad's driving drunk again." "You don't mind." "Grandma, I sprained my ankle in track, and it's turned black." "You don't mind." What she really meant was, "I don't mind."

“Stop crying there’s no reason unless you’re bleeding!”

If you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about. I heard that often from my dad.

Or parents who just don't care or are too busy to notice. I've struggled with this because I was bullied both by classmates and teachers. My parents were nowhere to be found. Now they are in complete denial. Took me a while to understand that my failures were not always my fault. Now I make sure not to make the same mistake with my daughter, who tends to doubt her abilities. I would hate myself if she started to actually believe it.

Same here. Insult and humiliation was the norm for my parents. Most of the time there were trifles (I'd be called "idiot" if I accidentally dropped a teaspoon, or got a B at school instead of A). Or mistakes I made just because nobody had taught me what was the "correct" way (my mother yelled at me because I got scared during an earthquake. I was 10 y.o.. Nobody had told me how to react during an earthquake).

Physiological effects of this- anxiety through the roof, walking on eggshells, and try not to say or do anything to provoke their anger. My shoulders were up to my ears constantly

Yes and no. Some kids are the ones who are being hardest on themselves. It can also be a sign that their parents are strict about how things should be done and have instilled a level of perfectionism beyond the skills of the child. My mom was also like this. The dishes were never clean enough, the carpet never done properly enough with the lines in the fibers in a specific pattern.

And it's a life long battle with yourself to not believe what you have been made to believe

THIS

That's my mother. She was, in fact, using me as her scapegoat for the dysfunctional relationship with my abusive father, with the poverty we were dealing with, with all the fears and traumas that the communist regime had put on women. Funny thing was, she was a saint with all the friends, colleagues, relatives and neighbors that were visiting us - all these people saw a kind, affectionate, careful mother. Only I knew she was not like that at all.

shouted? I was hit with a belt until I got big enough to grab it and hit back. my mom never whipped me again.

Happened to me. Now I'm useless and insecure, I need clear directions to do something right and I'm always afraid to make mistakes or even ask how I should do something because I should know how to do it. I have a hard understanding directions so they must be very clear, so that's why I'm afraid to ask, because I feel like I'm stupid.

my step dad

I think of respect as more of a garden. Everyone has a plant in my garden. When you show respect to me you water and feed that plant. When you disrespect me your plant withers and dies. But everyone starts with at least a baseline of respect. I don't like the idea that respect is earned, like you start at zero, or that someone is due complete respect until shown otherwise. Respect is cultivated, and if you want someone to respect you, you are responsible for that cultivation

I'm 52 and on the Spectrum and hate being touched. My mom actually said to me, "you're my daughter and I can do whatever I want to you." I hate her.

"You live under my roof, you do as I say." I left "their roof" after a horrendous fight with my father. I visited my parents occasionally in the first years. The visits stopped as I realized, during my last visit in 2019, that my father was trying to start a new fight with me. I also stopped calling them the moment my father yelled at me in the phone. There is no reason to mimic an affection that never existed. Short messages on whapp (and only if it's smth. important) are more than enough.

I agree. Added to this the idea that they don't deserve their own privacy because they are 'yours' and are living in your house. I understand wanting to make sure your kids aren't doing anything that could destroy their lives so even some slight snooping I'd get. But there have been some celebrity parents that have come out and said things like how they don't allow their daughters to lock their bedroom doors. But their sons aren't given the same treatment. One guy even has his daughter taken to a obgyn to check regularly that she's still a virgin (which in my opinion is abuse). And when someone joked they might want to masturbate they freaked out (because as usual with these types of guys, women touching themselves is some kind of crime). But more than that, sometimes you just want privacy. You want to know you can figure things out or talk to your friends and not be spied on.

Me asking my mom to respect my boundaries (not barging into my room while I’m naked and changing and standing there talking to me when I ask her to leave, not making fun of my insecurities, not shaming me for eating etc (I’m actually in pretty good shape)) and she always says “I can because I’m your mom”

Also, never actually teaching them how to do things so that they are crippled in any attempt to live on their own.