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Disheveled hair, coke bottle glasses, suspiciously off-white scrubs, and not a single grain of humor—do you still have this notion in your mind when thinking about scientists? Well, not only are they actually perfectly capable of combing their hair and washing their lab coats, but more often than not, they could blow you away with their clever jokes. You know, in reality, having the smarts relates closely to having a great sense of humor! Although their science jokes might be a bit nerdy, a bit kooky, or hardly understandable without some scientific background, they are nevertheless close to genius. Some of them cover the life achievements of famous scientists, others make subtle fun of Mendeleev’s table of elements and some are purely based on some rather suspicious sciency terms. A joke for everyone, really!
For instance, while helium is already inherently funny (just look at helium balloons… aren’t they just amazing and hilarious at the same time?) it’s still even more fun when there’s a clever pun or two attached to the name. Or how about Pavlov’s experiments—are you already salivating for a joke (ba-dum tss)? Let’s not forget such curiosities as minerals, the wondrous qualities of neutrons, or even mysterious parallel universes—how exciting is that!?
To awaken your inner scientist, or to gloat about just how smart you are for getting each of these jokes, scroll just a bit further down to see our list of hand-picked science jokes. We do not guarantee that you will be able to put your phone down after you’ve finished, since there are quite a few instances where helium is mentioned. Get it? Anyway, just have a go at these smart jokes, vote for the ones that you liked the best, and share this article with your friends, neighbors, and the girl you once met.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Why don’t aliens visit our Solar System?
They read the reviews – just one star.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
And so very true. I would be very disappointed if I booked a trip to Earth on Airbnb and found this place. I mean look at the disaster area ready to fall apart. You'd think the owners had never taken care of the place. Plus it's way too hot like the thermostat got stuck. Needs a lot of fixing before it's habitable.
Earl Grey 3 years ago
There has been a conjecture floated about that the reason we have not been visited is because once a civilization attains such a level of technology, they have already reached a point where they are self-destructing due to violently competing beliefs, resource shortages, power struggles and so on. IOW, just like us. Earthlings will not be spreading out, don’t worry.
Russ Kincade 3 years ago
More likely they have visited, and they decided that there's no intelligent life here!
RELATED:
#2
I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
#3
A group of protesters in front of a physics lab: “What do we want?” “Time travel.” “When do we want it?” “Irrelevant.”
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Either you already did, or you soon will, read my reply to you.
Load More Replies... #4
How much room do fungi need to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
#5
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
#6
There are only bad science jokes left. All the good ones argon.
Marco Conti 3 years ago
Except that being Noble, it maintains a dignified distance from such riff raff.
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Ian Goldby 3 years ago
A university chemistry lecturer was listing the noble gasses in connection with a point he had just made: helium, neon, argon, krypton, and so on. A ripple of laughter spread through the lecture theatre. The lecturer utterly missed his accidental joke, thinking we were expressing skepticism about what he had just claimed.
#7
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
#8
What does one tectonic plate say when it bumps into another? “Sorry. My fault!”
RatherLoopy 3 years ago
This is why BP needs different reaction buttons like FB; so I could shout angrily at this post.
#9
There’s a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
#10
How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
#11
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
Jay Cee 2 months ago
In WW1 the British Army set up three Casualty Clearing Stations (field hospitals) in Belgium on the eve of a big battle (Ypres) and called them “Dozinghem”, “Bandaghem” and “Mendinghem” (say them out loud - dosing them, bandage them and mending them). Over 100 years later there is still an area and military cemetery called Dozinghem.
#12
If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.
#13
There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Fat Harry 3 years ago
There are two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
Lexipoo 3 years ago
There are three types of people, those who can count and those who can’t
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Orillion 3 years ago
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who know ternary, those who don't, and those who think this is the binary joke.
Celestino Madeiros 3 years ago
No, there are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who understand that numbers can also be written in base three.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 3 years ago
Did you know you can drink when you're 15 and retire when you're 41 in the US if you learn hexadecimal?
#14
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark.
Analyn Lahr 3 years ago
Someone needs to do a fan art of a duck shouting for Quark on Deep Space Nine. I would, if I had any talent whatsoever but I don't.
#15
Why did the bacteria fail the math test?
He thought multiplication was the same as division.
Queen Jackson. 3 years ago
I know cells divide to multiply but i dont get the bacteria connection
#16
What did one decimal say to the number? “Did you get my point?”
#17
They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
CJ M 3 years ago
That’s not a joke that’s true tho… the first result on google never lies, right?
Solar_Eclipse 3 years ago
Never ever. No such thing as lies on the internet.
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#18
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.
#19
An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
#20
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
#21
One mouse to another: “Look at that fellow with a white coat on. Whenever I push the paddle, he starts writing something!”
#22
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
#23
What kind of dog does a scientist have?
A lab.
Philly Bob Squires 3 years ago
If you breed a Labrador Retriever with a Curly Coated Retriever, you'll get a Lab Coat Retriever. The choice of medical professionals everywhere.
#24
When the astronomy department found out their famous professor wouldn’t get the Nobel prize this year, they decided to hold a party for him anyway. They gave him a constellation prize.
#25
I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I probably won’t get a reaction.
#26
Why didn’t the sun go to graduate school? Because it already had a million degrees!
#27
A physicist, while exiting the theater after seeing Star Wars, bumped into a fellow physicist. Inspired by the movie, he blurted to his friend, “May the mass times acceleration be with you.”
#28
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
#29
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The engineer sees a glass two times too large.
SabbeRubbish 3 years ago
Only if the glass is perfectly cylindrical and not the slightest bit conical though .
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error_404_user_not_found 3 years ago
The surrealist sees a giraffe eating a necktie
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Santhe van der Meulen 3 years ago
And the laborant sees an unlabeled glass and discards the content.
Vicky Z 3 years ago
You know that engineers are not just the people that fix your cars right? There is physics engineering and chemical engineering as well for example
Load More Replies... #30
What do you call a rude acid? A meano-acid.
#31
What did the proton say to the electron to start a fight? I’m sick of your negativity.
#32
Nine sodium atoms walk into a bar…
Then in comes Batman!
Christmas Flatt 3 years ago
Na is sodium.Theme music in the original batman series for fights. Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na BATMAAAAN!!! It's hilarious
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spinningBOX VR Studios 3 years ago
man, you can have as many atoms as you want, Batman still probably comes
#33
A hug without u is like Mercury. Hg.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
You should probably get that looked at. Mercury poisoning is no joke
Load More Replies... #34
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
#35
What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
Henry Cheves 3 years ago
1. Very few chromosomes are sex related. 2. Those that are, you still have them. 3. Just because you have them, your sex and gender can still be different. Your sex is what you are born with, and your gender is what you actually are.
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#36
What did the 30-degree angle say to the 90-degree angle? You think you’re always right!
bob bruce 3 years ago
I don't understand, but I've always been a bit obtuse.
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Charles Bosse 3 years ago
The thirty degree angle just needs to find two more for backup, then it can be right too.
#37
What do scientists get for bad breath? Experi-mints!
#38
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
#39
Have you heard that entropy isn’t what it used to be?
#40
Why is quantum mechanics is the original “original hipster”? It described the universe before it was cool.
Daria B 3 years ago
I... choose to believe what you wrote was deliberate. ^^" It was, wasn't it?
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#41
What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walked into his bar? “OH SNaP!”
#42
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens didn’t exist yet!
#43
What did the helpless T cell say when facing the infection? Is there antibody out there?
#44
Why did the nebula call in sick? It had gas.
#45
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, they would be alloys!
Persephone 3 years ago (edited)
Can you imagine having a chemist for a Dad?? I now understand this nightmarish reality for some!!! 😆 Death by Dad jokes in front of high-school friends!
#46
Einstein developed a theory about space — it was about time!
#47
What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? He got charged with a salt and battery.
#48
Why does no one like to talk to Pi at parties? Because he goes on forever.
#50
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it!
#53
Rest in peace, boiling water, you will be mist.
#54
What’s wrong with a joke involving cobalt, radon, and yttrium? It’s CoRn Y.
#56
Mercury is upset he is not as large as his neighbor planets. It’s clearly a case of Venus envy.
#57
Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high; the second one, about a meter too low; the third one yells, “We got it!”
Charles Bosse 3 years ago
Even your average statistician understands that spread is an important measure. To say otherwise is very mean.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
I think your opinion is skewed, but that might just be a prior belief.
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Corey Smith 3 years ago
You can't determine a normal distribution from 2 samples. This is bad stats...
#59
What's a geologist's favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
#60
Why were the paleontologists kissing? They were carbon dating.
#61
“Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.” — A New York City tenant
John Hunter 3 years ago
The physicists didn't go "oh shoot, we never thought of that." The mass of a black hole is readily observable, just like any other mass. The issue is, even accounting for them, there's a lot of missing mass, or there's an issue with the standard model. So for right now, there's a dark matter "fudge factor", until we know better. If you're interested, on YouTube, there's a History Channel episode and a Neil deGrasse Tyson discussion on dark matter and dark energy that will do a good job of laying out what those mean, and why we consider them to be "dark".
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#62
What did one cell tell his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Ouch! That’s mitosis.
#63
What’s the best science? Geology — it rocks!
#65
How did the thermometer insult the graduated cylinder? She said, “You may have graduated, but I have more degrees.”
#67
Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
Lol, it's probably because I'm sleep deprived but this one made me laugh
#68
What did the receiver say to the radio wave? “Ouch! That megahertz.”
#69
What fruit contains barium and double sodium? BaNaNa.
#70
When a third-grader was asked to cite Newton’s first law, she said, “Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up.”
#72
Photons have mass? Who knew they were Catholic?!
Lawrencium 3 years ago
They must be thinking of neutrinos, but to be fair they're not devout, they kind of oscillate all the time
Load More Replies... #73
What did the science book say to the math book? You’ve got problems.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
I know! I checked the back, and they only ever solved half of them!
Load More Replies... #74
Math puns are the first sine of madness.
#78
Two scientists walk into a bar. “I’ll have an H2O,” says the first. “I’ll have an H2O, too,” says the second. The second scientist dies.
Fat Harry 3 years ago
I know you're devil's advocate, but I can't agree that "an hydrogen" sounds right at all. And it should be "an aitch" or "a haitch", in my opinion, but then I also contend that "haitch" is a nasty Northern thing.
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#79
It’s hard to date a carb when they are so complex.
#80
The cost of the space program is truly astronomical!
Charles Bosse 3 years ago
Yeah, they cut funding to study asteroid impacts on large moons because they had to titan their belt.
#81
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
#84
Why were the Romans so bad at algebra? They always ended up with X equals 10.
#88
Why were oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon wearing suits and ties? They were a formyl group.
#89
A photon checks into a hotel. When asked if it needs a bellman, it responds, “No, I’m traveling light.”
#91
Why did Werner Heisenberg detest driving cars? Because every time he looked at the speedometer, he got lost!
T'Mar of Vulcan 3 years ago
I like how the person had to use the physicist's full name so Breaking Bad fans wouldn't get confused.
#92
What do computers like to eat? Chips!
#93
The way to a man’s heart is through his veins.
#95
How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
#96
What did the microbiology student get for being late to class? A tardigrade.
#100
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
#101
Did you hear about the neutron who got arrested? He got released without charge.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
On the other hand, I'm almost positive that if the notorious electron finally gets captured, it won't have a negative impact
#104
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? “Try and be more PACIFIC!”
#106
What did Benjamin Franklin write in his diary after discovering electricity? “I’m shocked!”
#107
What is the least interesting element? Bohrium.
JP 3 years ago
Gotta give it to you Charles you're really saving some of these jokes I find myself laughing at your comments more than the actual joke
Load More Replies... #109
Why did the hipster chemist get burned? He touched the beaker before it was cool!
#114
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
#115
What did the dog say to his owner? “My favorite frequency is 50,000 hertz, but you’ve probably never heard of that.”
#116
I don’t need a spine — it’s holding me back!
#117
A molecule tells another: “A free-electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”
#118
What’s a physicist’s favorite snack? Fig Newtons.
#119
The chemistry student was spotted in a picket line carrying a sign that read "Free radicals now!"
#121
What is blood’s message to the world? B positive.
#126
Unfortunately, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking. Fortunately, none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.
#127
Why is the moon so broke? It’s down to its last quarter.
#131
Hand over the calculator; friends don’t let friends derive drunk.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
I dunno, maybe you should integrate into your repertoire...
Load More Replies... #132
An ion meets his atom friend on the street and says he’s lost an electron. “Are you sure?” asks the atom. The ion replies, “I’m positive.”
#134
Many people ask me why I chose forensic medicine as a career, and I tell them that it is because a forensic man gets the honor of being called when the top doctors have failed!
#135
What does the sign at the biology lab say? “STAPH ONLY!”
Lawrencium 3 years ago
Then you would have to worry about people getting it...
Load More Replies... #137
Why do researchers look forward to Fridays? They can wear genes to work.
#138
A cloud of radon floats into a cafe. The waiter says, "we don't serve inert gases here". There was no reaction from the radon.
#139
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads, “Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-‘s.”
#140
Why do quantum physicists make bad pitchers? Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
#142
When my teacher asked me how much my brother knew about the orbits of planets and the amount of area swept in any given time, I responded "I'm not my brother's Kepler."
#144
How does the nucleus text the ribosome? With a cell-phone.
#145
The puzzled astronomy student spent all night wondering where the Sun went... but then it dawned on him.
#147
If you ask a Russian cosmonaut when is his favorite moment to snack, how does he answer? “Launch time.”
#151
Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.
#154
Meteorology jokes aren’t funny because they are so predictable.
Charles Bosse 3 years ago
*facepalm* yeh, even our best supercomputers can't get good accuracy more than a week out. If you want predictable, find something that works within the confines of Newtonian Mechanics and has (substantially) fewer than several billion inputs that could change the outcome.
Linus Nilsson 3 years ago
You know, maybe don't read an article with silly jokes if you can't take a joke.
Load More Replies... #155
What is the element iron’s favorite movie? Ferrous Bueller’s Day Off.
#156
Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.
#158
What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist? A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.
#161
At a party for functions, ex is at the bar looking despondent. The barman says: "Why don't you go and integrate?" To which ex replies: "It would not make any difference."
#162
Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend? Cloud nine.
#165
How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb? It takes two — one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.
#167
What did is a nuclear physicist’s favorite snack? Fission chips.
#168
What was the biologist wearing on his first date? Designer jeans.
Lawrencium 3 years ago
I tried to, but figuring out how to fold them was too complex
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What do you think ?
Charles Bosse 3 years ago
Missing my all time favorite nerd joke: What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? (Not a rappelling bloodsucker!) ... Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector. Hey, look, you chose to scroll to the bottom. :P
Summer Mason 3 years ago (edited)
Kinda related. My daughter loves animals. She walked into my room the other day and asked me blank faced....where do you take a sick horse. I said vet. She made the "buzzer for wrong" sound and said a horsepital. I almost pist my drink out laughing. She's only 7.
Firstname Lastname 3 years ago
It's articles like this where I wish I could just upvote the entire thing with a single button to signify I want more posts like this.
Vicky Z 3 years ago
There is a button like this at the end of every post right above the author's name
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Who Panda 420 3 years ago
These seem like jokes you'd see in elementary science or on big bang theory. They were good for a chuckle and u feel smart for getting the joke 🤣
Charles Bosse 3 years ago
Missing my all time favorite nerd joke: What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? (Not a rappelling bloodsucker!) ... Nothing, you can't cross a scaler with a vector. Hey, look, you chose to scroll to the bottom. :P
Summer Mason 3 years ago (edited)
Kinda related. My daughter loves animals. She walked into my room the other day and asked me blank faced....where do you take a sick horse. I said vet. She made the "buzzer for wrong" sound and said a horsepital. I almost pist my drink out laughing. She's only 7.
Firstname Lastname 3 years ago
It's articles like this where I wish I could just upvote the entire thing with a single button to signify I want more posts like this.
Vicky Z 3 years ago
There is a button like this at the end of every post right above the author's name
Load More Replies... Who Panda 420 3 years ago
These seem like jokes you'd see in elementary science or on big bang theory. They were good for a chuckle and u feel smart for getting the joke 🤣
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