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“Never Doing That Again”: 31 People Share How Their Spouse’s Job Tore Their Relationship Apart
Article created by: Rugilė Žemaitytė
Marriage requires a lot of hard work, which typically involves patience, understanding, and communication. However, the relationship can become more complicated if one spouse holds a job with a reputation for tearing couples apart.
These alleged homewrecking professions were the topic of conversation in a recent Reddit thread. Responses came pouring in, mentioning occupations like police officers, lawyers, flight attendants, musicians, and influencers, to name a few.
If your better half holds one of these jobs and you’ve been through a rocky marriage, we’d like to hear your insights in the comments!
- Read More: “Never Doing That Again”: 49 People Share How Their Spouse’s Job Tore Their Relationship Apart
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#3
My understanding is that women married to police officers have a higher mortality rate than police officers themselves.
#4
Restaurant/Bar manager/owner. They work everyday, often 12-15 hours, every holiday and weekend. The term "restaurant widow" is a real thing. Alcoholism/[illicit substances] are ever present, there's a high cheat rate and a complete lack of accountability, it's just "part of the job".
#5
You know who's not on here? Engineers, because we just make things work.
#6
Lawyers. Often married to the job, whether it is for the money or a cause.
Definitely do not put two in the same relationship. As an old, adjunct professor told our class one time:
"Folks, as people who are training to be lawyers, let me give you some life advice. A lawyer becomes you or you were always it. Either way, you don't want two people trained to argue in the same confined space for that long, much less being forced to make life decisions together.
There is a perfectly lovely nursing university in the city center, a few miles down the street.".
#7
Depends what your definition of "worst" is.
Cheating? Bar/restaurant workers or owners.
Domestic violence? Cops (by a country mile).
Lack of financial security? Social workers.
Ego/Emotional detachment? Doctors.
Physical detachment? Truckers/soldiers.
#9
From my experience dealing with clients... surgeons. The personality type of a surgeon is often a relentless and often sociopathic person with singular interest on one thing (being a good surgeon). They are great at their jobs because of these personality traits but on a personal level they often lack empathy/compassion, reduce everything to clinical and mechanical terms are incredibly cold people and because of their intense competitive streak can be impossible to get along with during any kind of competitive play. When you throw a spouse in the mix and 70-90 hour workweeks you often end up with a toxic stew.
#10
Anything where you’re a trailing spouse in a foreign country. It can sound cool if your spouse goes somewhere cool but it’s also incredibly lonely and isolating, likely you’re moving somewhere where you know nobody but your spouse and they’re working all day (even more isolating with children) and you’re basically left on your own in a foreign country. Even worse if it’s a country you don’t like. The foreign service divorce rates are through the roof.
#11
Never, ever marry a rock musician. I wouldn't recommend dating one, either. I spent 17 years on that ride (if you count dating musicians, then meeting and marrying one) and it was a nightmare. You will always come in second to a guitar or a gig (or drink or [substances]). Obviously, your mileage may vary, but for me, it was an exercise in futility.
#13
HR.
They consider themselves experts on human behavior and don't realize that their behavior can be at least part of the problem.
#14
My mind goes to military - away for long periods at a time, often come back with problems (PTSD etc.).
#15
Flight attendants
They work away from home for days or weeks, jetlag mess with body, dealing unruly passengers with a smile
Also cheating is through the roof .
#16
Celebrities and influencers.
#19
So what I’m getting from this thread is, if you work you’re a terrible spouse. That’s it, I have no other choice, I’m quitting my job.
#20
Surgeons all day. I worked in the urology department at a med school in New Orleans once upon a time. I was amazed at what entitled, enormous [jerks] all the surgeons were. Also the only job where I got a screaming close-to-punching fight with my boss, who was a surgeon. I left shortly after that and was thrilled to leave. Never again!
#21
Filmmakers. 14 hour workdays. Sometimes months away working on a film. Inconsistent work hours. and then your partner falls in love with someone else while he’s away and lies about it, so yeah. Never doing that again.
#23
I think bartenders have some of the highest divorce rates or cheating rates. Makes sense when you have so many opportunities to cheat and you work weird hours.
#24
Government employee, particularly high ranking.
I see my wife… twice a month, if I'm lucky.
#25
Prison Officer.
You train to dull your ability to show empathy in order to conduct your role effectively.
It allows you to say 'no' and challenge poor behaviour while not being emotionally affected by the horrible things you witness.
This, unfortunately, carries through into your real life, and most lose patience quickly on the outside and lose the ability to be tolerant of others.
Alcoholism and cheating seem to be the go-to escapes.
#26
My cop friends and my nursing friends male or female, seem to struggle in their relationships.
#27
Fighter pilots.
Similar to surgeons in many ways- you have to be incredibly driven and focused to make it to that level, combined with a God complex, and being deployed for months at a time. Also prone to using [illegal substances] and alcohol to manage the highs and lows of launching like a rocket off the side of a carrier, dropping ordinance and then coming down. Navy pilots are definitely the worst of them all. Never again.
#28
As a military spouse, I have some thoughts…. And not saying my spouse is bad as a person but does the service set you up to be the best spouse? No. If they wanted you to have a family they would have issued you one is something I think of often. A close friend is having a baby soon and the husband is forgoing paternity leave so he can keep up with peers and not “look bad”. I don’t agree but he’s not wrong that the pressure to be and do the best is there. Sigh.
#29
Engineers are generally really good spouses with low cheating and divorce rates with one exception. Anyone who works for extended amounts of time on classified projects.
I’ve seen it destroy people’s marriages to essentially not be able to tell their spouse about 50% of their lives for years at a time.
#31
Lawyers 100%. We cross-examine everyone.
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