32 People Spill The Darkest And Most Disturbing Secrets Hidden By Their Partners
Odd eating habits or little OCD quirks are one thing, but lying about childhood traumas or hiding a nanny camera in the bedroom to spy on your partner could be dealbreakers.
A Reddit user recently asked: “What is the most disturbing thing you found about your partner?” and people did not hold back.
Studies have shown that keeping secrets in a relationship can weigh on your well-being, and they often have a way of coming out even when we don't want them to.
Below are some of the responses Reddit users shared, each highlighting a different experience or situation.
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My ex and I connected over very severe and alarmingly similar childhood trauma experiences. almost a year into our relationship, he revealed (extremely casually, like it was no big deal) that he’d made it up. He’d heard about my past from a former mutual friend, and felt it’d be easier to get to know if we had this in common. He genuinely didn’t see an issue with doing this.
He then proceeded to ask, “since it bothered me”, if I wanted to know everything else he’d made up, too.
turned out, about 75% of what I knew about him was fake. weird funny stories and experiences, childhood memories, things that had allegedly happened to him at work - he was just making things up. When I asked him why, he reiterated that he didn’t see it as a big deal, and then explained he felt I “needed to be humbled a bit” because “my life wasn’t *that* interesting”, so he’d made up things to “match” my stories/experiences.
So, he's not just a lair but also is trying to take her down a peg. I hope she dumped him fast. Personally, I don't understand putting others down to feel better about yourself. I know a lot of people who do that, but I've never understood it.
I can understand the logic behind it but I would never *do* it. The logic is subconsciously or consciously, I feel bad about myself because of X, Y, Z... and maybe I'm not worthy of her? I don't want to lose her, though, so I don't want to *outright* insult her, so if I squish her ego just enough that she thinks it's a her problem, I don't look as inadequate and it's not immediately obvious enough to drop me. (Situational to this topic) And she can't drop me if I've had the same experiences she's had." I've used the genders in the post, but obviously this can apply to anyone. I promise I've never done this and never will, but seen it happen enough that I'm fairly confident in my assertion.
Load More Replies...Eeeeew ew ew my ex-husband did this, and I was dumb enough to fall for it! It took me ten years to grow a brain, but the divorce was finalized in November 🥰
Your brain is fine. You're the victim, his brain is faulty. And his heart. and the whole rest of that PoS.
Load More Replies...I would've found it very suspect that he'd had the same experiences i had.
You think child ab.use and child ra.pe is rare? Oh you sweet summer child.
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He put a nanny cam in our bedroom so he could spy on my therapy sessions during covid. He made a big show out of putting on headphones in the other room because he knew he could just listen in later.
That she is still in love with her ex girlfriend and has been having an affair with her since before we even got married. But didn’t tell me that it was her ex girlfriend for real until this year and everybody on her side played along with it as they were only “best friends” which in turn had this girl pretending to be MY friend and my “wife” allowed it for 5 years.
Don’t worry I’m leaving lol.
I think that these people have to be sociopaths, honestly. We don't care if you are in love with your ex. It's when you pretend you are in love with someone else but then show you're stringing them along that shows that you're an AH of the highest order.
I would very much care if my partner was still in love with someone else.
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My ex wife spent the last decade of our marriage accusing me of having multiple affairs and/or being gay. I've since found out that during that decade she had 2 boyfriends and a girlfriend (not at the same time) so turns out it was all projection.
What I've learnt from BP: If you're genuinely not guilty of cheating and yet you're accused of it, it's probably your partner projecting. (Being genuine. I wouldn't have picked it, myself).
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He had such a history of using his mother and his sister, while also regarding them with scathing contempt. Both of them were flawed and selfish, but loved him deeply and unconditionally.
When he casually remarked that his forty-year-old sister (who, incidentally, was gorgeous then and still is) was a "fat old woman covered in tattoos, and she needs to start being realistic about how she wants to be treated by a man," that was when I knew our days together were numbered and that I would never be able to un-see what that said about his regard for women.
An in-law thinks he is superior to his family; calls them rednecks, can't stand to be around them. I don't like him, but his family are the nicest people.
Mental health is now part of everyday conversation, and many countries are facing what’s being called a growing “loneliness epidemic.” But one surprising cause, according to new research from Columbia Business School’s Michael Slepian, might be something as simple as keeping a secret. And with it, often comes isolation, shame and anxiety, according to the professor.
I found out a few days ago that my wife has been texting inappropriately with her boss, kissy emojis, going out for drinks and sushi, calling it date night. Still trying to understand the full scope of it and how to proceed.
Have a lawyer hire someone to deliver the divorce papers.
Load More Replies...My personal demarkation line between flirting and infidelity is a lot closer to the former than that.
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They bite their fork when they eat. My soul leaves my body every time.
I think I do this, but I genuinely never realised until someone said to me "oh, you're one of those people" (I'd just met them so bit weird but if they find it annoying I get it). It's not biting down, more removing the food from the fork with your teeth rather than your lips or whatever. It's completely unconscious in my case (hence why I said "think", because presumably I still do it, I just don't notice that I'm doing it.)
I eat with my teeth too- drives my husband crazy, but he chews loudly (mouth closed), so he can't complain that much because his issue is worse imo lol
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He had a years-long affair with his stepmother.
Did she keep getting trapped in the washing machine? I may have seen the film!
Um, what's the movie called? Asking for a friend, of course.
Load More Replies...I just felt my soul leave my body after reading this. This is so disturbing on so many levels!!!
It depends.if he was an adult when his dad married her, it’s waaay less alarming.
Load More Replies...Nah, stepmother isn't a blood relative.... usually.
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When he orders wings he eats the whole thing….bones and all. The plate is sent back empty.
I think the first time he did it to get a reaction out of me but it’s been 4 years and he’s still crunching away. .
Yeah, you're not even supposed to give bones to animals to chew on!
Load More Replies...I have never understood the fascination with chicken wings. They're just bones, skin and a bit of meat. Why not have the legs, which are probably three times the size for quantity of meat.
#1. Chicken legs are dark meat. Chicken wings are white meat. Taste and texture are fundamentally different. #2. The ratio of skin-to-meat is much more equal with chicken wings than with chicken legs; which, again, affects the taste and texture. And because of that more equal ratio, you can also taste the spicy sauce/coating more on chicken wings.
Load More Replies...Stomach acid dissolves bone tissue. Well mine does at least. I had food issues growing up (parents sometimes forgot that children eat - not addicts or anything, just careless(?)) so I started to swallow pieces of bone and stuff to feel full longer. Now it has become a habit. But I never had any problems from it
Load More Replies...UGH! I worked with a nurse who did this. We had to stop ordering fried chicken or wings when she was on shift with the rest of us. Truly scarry just waiting for her to choke on a bone.
He handled the finances. He died. I found $36,000 in gambling debt.
Rule no one ! NEVER let one person take solo control of the finances , you should always both know everything , COS OF THIS for one always protect yourself ,
I *had* a 'friend' who would refuse to have anything to do with finances; that was the "man's" problem. As soon as she split with her partner, she claimed 'financial a***e' because she didn't have anything to do with the finances, despite previously saying she didn't *want* to have anything to do with said finances. She stopped being a friend after that, because I work in an industry where we see *actual* financial abuse and how awful it can be. If there's anything I've learned, it's to make a personal, private account for emergencies and stash something away so, absolute worst scenario, you have some money to aid you if you need to leave in a hurry. Hopefully for most people they never need to touch it, but for the ones that need it, it's the difference between leaving and staying with an abuser.
Load More Replies...This is wilful ignorance. Finances should be transparent if its shared money.
Unfortunately there are many that would not agree/or generally do this. Likely to their detriment.
Load More Replies...He was propably ashamed of the debt and tried to cover it up. It sadly happens a lot to people with gambling addictions
I have tried for years to get my wife (married 35 years) to get involved in our finances, but she has no interest. I've sat her down to try to go over it, but she wants no part of it. I'm trying to setup something to take care of these things should something happen to me, but it requires a lot of trust in someone else knowing all my accounts and whatnot.
Nothing truly scary, just their obsession with organizing the fridge by color. It’s disturbing… but also kind of impressive.
I don’t know if this is the same kind of thing, but my first husband was super tall and he used to store things in the highest cabinets, in order, by size. I don’t know where the size thing came from but I used to tell him I don’t even know we have stuff up there because I can’t even see inside those closets.
Nope, guaranteed this shows up elsewhere. Also likely causes poor use of space.
His relationship with his mom. First when we moved in, big drama that she doesn’t get enough attention. Then constant messages good morning and good night. Then visits every week for coffee, tea, goes to her for lunch etc. I’m living with a man and i’m loosing respect for him. I see him as a mamas boy now and having hard time imagining our future together, and it’s breaking my heart.
I fell in love hard, for the first time in my life. And i’m broken that i’m starting to see him differently.
I’m sorry, but this is so weird. I see so much stuff on here about toxic mothers-in-law, boy mom‘s not letting go with her sons, etc. I have a son who is married to a really nice girl, we all get along, I even get along well with her mother. I would never in 1 million years interfere with their lives the way these people do. What is wrong with people?
The most disturbing thing I found about a partner once was how they handled conflict, they’d go completely silent for days instead of talking things out. It wasn’t dramatic or explosive, just unsettling.
Could be manipulative, could be poor home environment where they were never taught healthy conflict resolution, and/or a*****e parents who punished them for negative emotions.
Load More Replies...Maybe this is how they learned to deal with conflict? Not everyone was raised knowing how to deal with conflict the correct way, some of us had to learn through other ways and with the help of other people and not our own family.
I was taught it was better to remain silent than to say something I can't take back. Quiet, reflect, discuss it calmly later.
Load More Replies...Ohhhhh my ex did this when he didn't feel well. The first time he got sick he just stopped talking to me for week. I Def should have realized that was a warning sign that his mind wasn't right.
Doesn't like nature. At all. It took me a while to accept this one. I had assumed that intentionally being in nature would be a source of spirituality, awe, and peace for everyone. My partner is not one of those people and only experiences extended time in nature as an annoying and inconvenient experience. But they find sources of awe and wonder and spirituality from other things such as art, music, literature, etc. We're all just different.
Benign. Though he may have areas of nature that he prefers. I used to think I wasn't a big nature person, b/c I associated nature with green spaces, hills, mountains, forests. Turns out, my home is the sea.
I want to enjoy nature more but being allergic to d**n near everything out there, including the sun, I just stay inside.
at least you like it , I’m so sorry you have to live like that lovely 💔
Load More Replies...Eh, nothing wrong with that. Now i personally don't know if I could stay in a relationship like that solely because I'm a zoologist, planning a career as a zookeeper, volunteering outdoors, and constantly even driving around to enjoy the outdoors and animals lol. And a lot of my vacations have a big focus on the outdoors and nature.
Maybe it's the act of "being in nature", going outside, walking... maybe he/she has some condition that makes it unenjoyable. You don't have to "be in nature" to appreciate it, though. There are houseplants, animals, documentaries, lots of ways to be in awe about nature.
He wouldn't allow me to open curtains or blinds. Told me he would go outside if wanted to see the sun. I told him to ef off and go into another room as I was there first
I love animals and even bugs, but that's pretty much it for me as far as nature goes. I have horrible allergies to almost every tree, grass, and weed out there. If I have to be outdoors at all, I keep it to a minimum. Plus, ticks are really getting to be a problem with alpha-gal and lyme, among others.
I'm a townie - I live near the sea, but in a town. I enjoy driving into town via the coast road and looking at the sea - and the hills we can see out of the window, but it's the buildings and the people that I love.
My ex told me he was the victim of a lot of terrible trauma. It was how I explained away a lot of his bad behavior to myself.
He made up a lot of it! If not all of it. I can't know for sure if it's all made up, but the fact that at least a good chunk of it was made up doesn't fill me with hope.
I think he was very afraid of rejection and would twist the truth in horrible ways trying to make it impossible for me to leave. It makes me sad to think about, honestly. Must be harrowing to live in his brain. But good god am I relieved not to be around him anymore .
No, it isn't the same person as the earlier story. Billions of people on the planet, every story gets repeated.
While there are white lies or private thoughts we keep to protect ourselves, for some people holding back might also be a way to maintain a sense of independence or personal space within a relationship. And sometimes, keeping a secret simply feels safer than risking judgment or conflict. Some experts say that as long as we are clear about why we keep a secret, we can avoid obsessing over it.
My ex wife poisoned me for about 4 months.
There's a lot to unpack here. Deliberate vs accidental poison. Effective vs ineffective poison. Deliberate effective repeated poisoning is about as heinous as a crime can get.
Unless there’s more to the story this doesn’t say anything about the partner.
I don't know - it's one of the most disturbing things you can find out about your partner: That they are trying to k**l you. I think that would be covered by a dark and disturbing secret your partner has.
Load More Replies...Would you still say that if the genders were reversed?
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He didn't like cats .
Because the partner offed him, or...? Edit: Right, right, I forgot the /s tag. Far out, some people here do not get sarcasm unless it's blatantly pointed out to them. This is what happens when you assume everyone has 'common sense' because it's supposedly 'common'.
Load More Replies...My boyfriend and I would LOVE cats. It breaks his heart that he's severely allergic to them.
Same here. We had a cat for a bit and he went literally insane.
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She hung a Live Laugh Love thing on the wall.
I don't understand how someone who is otherwise 100% awesome does that. Disturbing for sure.
Okay, this and the toe-socks thing and the bookmark (though I'm iffy on toe-socks and def iffy on LLL signs).
If you need signs to tell you what to do and how to live...here's YOUR sign
She likes feet gloves or whatever they’re called. Just seeing her wear them, wiggling her gloved toes, gives me anxiety.
Compared to some of the others, this one is totally harmless.
I just had a flashback to the 1970s and an aunt's lovingly knitted toe socks with each toe done in at least three colors. Lovingly made with thick yarn. Thick, thick yarn. Our toes spanned almost 180*. Instant rainbow hobbit feet.
He keeps all his socks in a single giant drawer with zero pairs matched. just a chaotic ocean of fabric. disturbing? a little. fascinating? also yes.
I'm weird in the other direction as in playing matchmaker to the socks after laundry is fun and I don't understand why anyone would skip it
To be honest, that sounds like my eldest. It's completely random if his right sock matches his left sock. He's too lazy to pair them up after washing, so just stuffs them all in a draw and takes out two when he needs socks. Weirdly, he always wants pairs of socks with different patterns or colours. I think he has decided random socks are his signature. Probably my fault for always pairing them up for him after washing them when he was a child (instead of making him do that).
I do this. Nbd. I know what socks came together in the same package, even if they are different colors, so I just grab them. As long as they came out of the same package, it's all good.
I started using a big safety pin to keep track of my socks in the wash. I still lost one or two along the way..
When she eats Kit Kats , she doesn't break off pieces, she just eats the entire thing like it's one bar.
I can top that. A girl I went to school with would eat all of the chocolate around the Kit Kat, and then eat each layer by itself. She would also lick Doritoes until all of the seasoned powder was off of them until they were soggy, then she would slowly eat them bit by bit. We were part of the same friend group ate lunch together. I'm so glad I don't have to watch that anymore. Used to make me lose my appetite. It was so unnecessary and gross. I have a feeling she did it for attention, but I'll never know. Fast forward years, and I was living with a roommate who would twist and eat one strand of spaghetti at a time, even in restaurants. He was a pretty good roommate, but that was annoying. Eating in a restaurant could take hours. Just no.
He squeezes the toothpaste from the middle.
I learnt quite late in life that this is always the best option.
Load More Replies...Same really. That's why we don't share a toothpaste.
Load More Replies...Experts point out that the types of secrets people keep also vary by gender. Women are more likely to keep secrets because they are worried their partners would not understand, while men are more likely scared that their partner would criticise or disapprove of their behaviour.
My fiance doesn't use bookmarks, he just memorizes what page number he stopped on. .
Yep. Reading these threads can be a bit of a c**p shoot. All can be going merrily along and then OMFG.
Load More Replies...Same! I can remember just based on the ‘feel’ of the paragraph I stopped on. I have this thing called synesthesia which basically makes me associate colours with letters, numbers etc. With that I can remember where I left off as I can just remember the colour sequence of the page number without remembering the actual number itself
I have bookmarks in like 3 different books. This would not work for me!
Yeah I'm usually reading 3 books at the same time. I have a downstairs book, an upstairs book and one in my car for reading in coffee shops.
Load More Replies...Better than my husband, who has been known to use checks from his publisher.
Hopefully, they’re not for huge amounts! I found a cheque for about £27 which was for a refund for my car insurance when I changed cars in about 1996. I found it in 2005 as a bookmark. Contacted the insurer and they reissued it. I like to think there was someone in accounts thinking, “Finally, the spreadsheet balances!”. Sadly, I suspect not.
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She pours the milk before the cereal. I’m sleeping with a psychopath.
I went to school with a guy who would mash up a small bag of potato chips, then pour chocolate milk into the bag
Had a roommate. I put the banana on the bottom of the bowl, then the cereal, then the milk, then sugar. This was so I'd get the sugar on the cereal not on the banana. She thought I was unhinged.
Each to their own ! That’s as op issue not a her issue ! personally if n when I eat cereal , very very rarely , can’t drink milk it’s cereal then milk not very much off , but that’s my preference,
OP, do you want soggy cereal? Do you enjoy the flaccidity of the cereal first thing in the morning? Because if you don’t do this you will get soggy cereal
If your cereal is getting soggy you're not eating it fast enough so either you need to eat faster or pour smaller bowls of cereal
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He used to crack book spines intentionally so they would be "easier to read." I got him to stop by introducing him to audiobooks.
I'm with him. But then, I firmly hold that books, like toys, are meant to be held and manhandled, not kept in pristine condition. A well-worn book tells a story as much as the text inside it.
The person in the photo here is far more problematic, reading a book by Jordan Peterson.
Well then how else am I supposed to keep the book open without stretching it from both ends? I’m a student who uses a lot of reference books and modules, I have to crack the spines to make life easier
One of my former GF's hated I bought two of any book and dissected one to scan into a digital book before e-books were a thing.
Load More Replies...In 1986 I had a dorm mate who borrowed my 1st edition issues of Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, so he wouldn't have to crack the spines on his copies. To be fair, the value on them had gone from $3 to $20 in a month
I have books older than you that show very little damage (grandparents owned them) because 4 generations of readers treated them gently (this includes lending them to my nieces and nephews). It’s troubling you think the proper way to read books is to break the part that’s supposed to hold the pages together.
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He told me stories about the two affairs he had (that his wife found out about). He was quite the storyteller and this was many, many years after the affairs and in fact he had been widowed for six years. As entertaining as these stories were, they didn't make me think more highly of him for sure.
Do you think he was trying to impress you, or seeing if you could outrun Usaine Bolt
He actually likes popcorn MORE when it is stale. The man is a freak! But he's my freak lol.
I lIke the part of celery that is slightly yellow. Yes, I know that it is not fully developed.
I like stale popcorn. I like it fresh too, but stale is just as good.
Was gonna say that my bf sometimes does calf raises in the shower and has a whole mini shower work out routine but i guess that’s not so bad after reading comments….
I do 45 seconds of the tree pose on each leg in the shower to give the soap time to work on my feet.
Its called time saving , plus warm water warms up the muscles , it’s actually good for you ,.
My husband only eats the bottom half of the asparagus.
Needless to say, I didn’t know that when I agreed to marry him.
My girlfriend had a secret online persona, it was weird seeing her completely different personality online.
Maybe the online persona is the real her, and the in person persona is the made up one?
Online personalities can be like acting. Just because you can act a character doesn't mean you are that character.
Load More Replies...Or maybe she just posts on bored panda and doesn’t want people recognising her……
She has never, and will never watch Star Wars.
Liking a movie is not required in order to be considered a human being.
A lot of people never seen Star Wars. Why would this be a big secret or a bad thing?
I saw the first three (or the middle three to the cultists) because I was 10 when the original came out. Then I saw The Force Awakens, and I feel like I'm covered.
Keep it that way. If she never sees it, she'll believe it's as great as you say
Star Wars, and at this point Harry Potter, are shared cultural experiences that are now embedded in our culture. You should watch them just for that reason.
Don't talk about Star Wars in the same context as the shaitty wizard series. Not wanting to see the second one is perfectly understandable
Load More Replies...I watched the first one only because my aged mother made me take her to see it. (She would watch anything Alec Guinness was in.)
She says "excape." We've got two kids so I'll stay.
I cannot break my husband of 'Supposubly". Drives me crazy, along with 'crouch' instead of 'cr..otch'. His mom said it that way as well. He cannot hear the difference.
I had a friend who said ideal instead of idea, death instead of deaf, supposively instead of supposedly 🤦🏼♀️
The Bristol L, Bristolians add an L to any vowel at the end of the word. Idea becomes ideal, Eva becomes Eval, prima becomes primal and so on. Also has to be said with a pronounced West Country accent. Gert lush, innit.
Load More Replies...A very good friend, very intelligent and lovely, says re-la-tor instead of realtor. It's not an uncommon mispronunciation, but my dad was a realtor and it makes me cringe every time. Debated whether to say something to her about it or not, and decided, no - don't want to embarrass her, and it wouldn't be kind.
Torlet? (That one could be an Aussie-ism, admittedly. Still annoying AF though.)
Warsh.. Warsh cloth, warshing machine. Im in Michigan so it usually wash. I understand in the south, deep south, they say warsh with a twang. Up here its just weird. But we do say doorwall (sliding glass doors in homes) party store (beer and liqueur) everyone here says pop, i say soda to be "different" lol. I do find i like the Aussie slang, and how you use the C word so much. Here its the no no word unless you are beyond beyond upset with them, still not great lol
Load More Replies...I often think about an ex. Never had anxiety or worry. He’d go to bed and just sleep . Just fall asleep. Never expressed worry or nerves or something distressing in the news.. . Looking back .. was it just tumbleweed in his head?
My husband not only eats his fries with mustard (he says it's a Yankee thing and I'm not gonna yuck someone else's yum) but he squiggles the mustard all over his pile of fries instead of having a little dipping corner. Am I married to a psychopath? 😅
I often think about an ex. Never had anxiety or worry. He’d go to bed and just sleep . Just fall asleep. Never expressed worry or nerves or something distressing in the news.. . Looking back .. was it just tumbleweed in his head?
My husband not only eats his fries with mustard (he says it's a Yankee thing and I'm not gonna yuck someone else's yum) but he squiggles the mustard all over his pile of fries instead of having a little dipping corner. Am I married to a psychopath? 😅
