“I’m Not Racist, But…”: 45 Things People Have Said That Made Others Know Immediately They Wouldn’t Be Friends
You know that feeling when you meet someone for the first time, and it just feels like kismet. You find yourself saying, “Me too!” more times than you can count, and it seems like you’re reading one another’s minds. You share the same interests, you laugh until you cry at the same jokes, and you agree on where you stand on hot topics. There’s nothing like that warm, fuzzy feeling of meeting a kindred spirit, pandas. But today, we’re not talking about that. We’re actually going to be exploring the exact opposite of that experience…
One curious Reddit user, DDelirium46, recently posed the question, “Have you ever listened to a person talk for less than a minute and known you weren't going to get along with that person? What did they say?”, and readers did not hold back in the replies. From extremely offensive comments to claims that will make your eyes roll, we’ve gathered a list of some of the most shocking responses to this query down below.
Keep reading to also find an interview with Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP, to hear her thoughts on the topic, and be sure to upvote the answers that would send you immediately running in the other direction as well. Then, if you’re interested in checking out a Bored Panda article discussing some similar immediate red flags people have encountered when dating, you can find that list right here!
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New guy at work, first coffee break he started complaining about his ex who had full custody of the kids for some unknowable reason and also how he’d like to slash her throat with a rusty knife. Nice to meet you too, don’t think I’ll be taking breaks with you.
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP. Dr. Whitbourne is a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and an Adjunct Professor in the Department of Gerontology and Faculty Fellow in the Institute of Gerontology at the University of Massachusetts Boston, and she was kind enough to share her thoughts on these unfortunate first impressions. But according to Dr. Whitbourne, first impressions aren't always a great indication of someone's personality. "Many situational factors affect first impressions, such as what is going on at the moment around an individual. Also, it is also remarkably easy for people to put on a false impression," she told Bored Panda.
We also asked if it's typically a positive thing for people to show their true colors immediately, like the people featured in this list, or if we should all have the manners to be more polite upon first meeting others. "It is preferable to 'read the room' before you show your true colors, but in general, it's better to err on the side of being polite at that first meeting," Dr. Whitbourne says.
She was complaining the 15 year old kid who just fled from the war in Ukraine wasn't working hard enough at his dishwashing job.
The kid doesn't want to be alone in a dishwashing kitchen all day, not able to speak to anyone. He should be in school at home with all his friends! Of course he's not excited about the stupid dishes!
The lack of compassion was astounding. And she was indeed a wretched person, so my initial impression was totally correct.
None of these made me angry until this one. Blood boiling. I hope OP ripped her a new one
"I hate that our boss is a chick. Bitches make the worst bosses."
Lunch break of his first day on the job.
Dr. Whitbourne also noted that it is wise not to form an opinion on someone else solely off of your first interaction. "You absolutely should wait to gather more 'data' on someone, although those first few vibes could be informative potentially (unless they are putting on a false front)."
And when it comes to how we can make better first impressions, Dr. Whitbourne told Bored Panda to remember to read the room. "That is very important, especially to determine what emotion to display to ensure that it is consistent with the situation (i.e. not laughing in a serious situation). Eye contact is always helpful as is attention to posture and other aspects of body language."
Whenever someone is rude to the waiter/server/cashier.
Instantly you are my enemy.
I used to play football and after evening games we would often go for a curry. We had a Solicitor and the Managing Director of an Estate Agents in the team, lovely blokes, until they got in the restaurant. They spoke to the waiters like slaves, "Oi Imran, or Boy, over here! Pulled them up on it, but never got them to stop. I dread to think what went in their food.
"Hi, let's talk about how my religion can change your life."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour C3-PO?
"Put yourself in someone else's place when you see them in a certain situation before deciding on what their personality is," Dr. Whitbourne added. "For example, It's very easy to be overly critical of others for engaging in the same behavior that you would in that situation, so in these cases, give them a break. If you're trying to decide whether to have a relationship with someone based on a first impression, keep the third point in mind and allow yourself to gather more information and then decide based on that."
If you'd like to gain more words of Wisdom from Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD, ABPP, be sure to visit her Psychology Today blog right here.
New guy started at my job, we were outside smoking on first break. Keep in mind I have never met nor spoken to this dude in my life. He walks up, lights up his cigarette and says "you know, I think my severe arachnophobia has transformed into an arachnophilia. I've been watching a lot of spider hentai while masturbating."
Then he then began to describe his new waifu pillow he bought. Her name and his plans to marry her.
I was speechless...
Edit: I work in a distribution warehouse for a clothing company. We were forklift drivers. He didn't last very long, but not because of things he said. He was constantly late for work, and twice a week he'd show up in Crocs, knowing damn well I've told him 100 times he needs closed toe shoes. I'd have to send him home to change shoes, I told him just keep a pair of shoes in his car so he has something to wear at work. Didn't work, and eventually I had to let him go for excessive tardiness and absenteeism.
I was listening to the NEXIVM podcast and the clip of the founder saying he has 225 IQ. If I walked into a room and heard someone say that I’d walk right back out
“Some people might say I’m an a*****e but I just tell it how it is.”
99% chance they are an a*****e that I don’t want to be around
I was the only woman at my last job and I was 2nd in seniority on our little crew. I did almost all of the training of the new people (all the younger guys loved me because I was like mom to the crew. Always had snacks and would always listen when they were having a problem or whatever). My biggest problems were usually with guys in their mid 30’s. In the morning meeting the bosses told everyone their job assignments. As we were walking out of the shop he said “yeah like I’m going to listen to some snot nosed 24 year old chick.” to one of the older guys and the older guy turned at looked at him and said “I suggest you say that to her face. And if I were you, I wouldn’t p**s her off. We will always like her more than we will ever like you.” And he was an absolute d**k to work with and never listened to anybody except for the managers. Lasted about 3 weeks. Still dislike that guy.
My favourite was when my husband and I were working together for a bit (he worked there before and we needed help so he came in on days off to lend a hand) and the one guy I was having issues with at the time said I was a huge b***h and he didn’t understand why they didn’t just fire me aside from my tits (thinking this new guy would be his friend). Husband listened to him all day and didn’t say a word. At the end of the day when the entire crew was filling out time cards he looks at the guy and says “thank you for telling me all day how much of a b***h my wife is. But you’re right, she does have great tits.”
That sounds just like my soon-to-become-wife (I hate the word "fiancee" because I never know how to use it properly). Not only she was the best of all team leaders at a company she worked for, and not only that she was like a mom to them, but she also has great tits!
Was a customer at work, naturally I wouldn’t be friends. But even in a setting where we could become friends it wasn’t happening. I came up to her to see if she had any questions about our critters (I work in a pet shop) and the very first thing she asked was if parakeets could talk because she wanted to teach them racial slurs. Biggest nope of my life.
Parent of one of my kids friends at school. Said there was a mouse in their house and his wife wanted him to kill it but he didn’t want to kill any creatures - he wants to make friends with them instead. But wife insisted so he threw his shoe at it and eventually managed to hit it, but it wasn’t dead, so he threw his shoe at it another 4 times. It still wasn’t dead so he poured boiling water over it to kill it. It still didn’t die so he poured boiling water over it again. It STILL wasn’t dead so he decided to leave it alone in the hopes that it would peacefully pass away.
The logic of being too squeamish to kill something, and instead decide to torture it to death slowly in the most agonisingly painful way absolutely blew my mind.
Wow - that’s horrible. If you have to kill something, it should be a last resort and as quick and as painless as possible.
"There are different levels to being a psychic, I'm on the purple level so I can talk to the dead". said a new employee at my previous job.
*Nope.*
I started my PhD a few months ago and one of a common starter conversation with postgraduates you just meet is: “what is your thesis about?”. Well, I get asked the question first and after describing my dissertation theme, the other guy goes:”oh I see, well mine is actually important…” with a very condescending tone. Well pal, f**k you too I guess
Here, it's best to start out short and general, like "alternative fuels" or "fungus byproducts" and their response will tell you if they are genuinely interested or if they need something to help remember your name and face. Neither motive is evil, like the example here, where the guy just wants to one-up you.
1. 'I don't like women who burp. They should be ladylike'
2. 'Black people can't be racist'
3. 'you're going to hell if you don't believe in god'
All three were said by different people and they were all serious their statements.
We had just moved into a new house. An older gentleman - he was 65 and I was 35 at the time - came across the street towards me and stuck out his hand. I shook it and he said "We love new neighbours! As long as they're white!"
I'd make a point of inviting all my black friends around every other day.
Years ago, me and my ex-husband went to see a movie with an older colleague of his. Before the movie we had dinner at like a chain restaurant/steakhouse type place, staff on the floor was all 20ish. I never met this man before but in the first few minutes of sitting down and looking at the menu he very confidently told us how he came there a lot and flirted with the female staff because "they love the attention". The best part? His daughter worked there. All I could think was how I would literally cringe myself through the floor if I was 20 and my 50yo dad came into my place of work and perved on my co-workers because he didn't understand that they only put up with him 'cause they are paid to do so.
i can't understand this behaviour, for me anyone >10-12 years younger looks like a kid.
The quiet boy at school sat next to me and told me how hard he felt when he took a s**t and how many times he ejaculated that way. I never sat next to him again.
All time favorite was this girl they had just hired who would answer any question by responding that she had a fiancee. Like hi my name is Bill where are you from? I HAVE A FIANCEE! Like any of us were going to bang her in the walk-in cooler if she didn't.
It would be fun if I could do this with my cat, like “how are you?” “I HAVE A CAT”
Me at my first day on the job, on my lunch break
Coworker: Are you Chinese?
Me: Yeah
Coworker: I don’t like Chinese food -walks away-
Best response to this is, OK but can I buy you some deodorant? He'll spend the rest of his life sniffing his armpits.
I was talking to a girl in college and she made some remark about, "yeah, like when you test your boyfriend to make sure he loves you" and I remember thinking, "you seemed so normal..."
I was in a job interview once and the manager cut me off mid-sentence to jump to a weird conclusion
>Him: What do you think the performance of this algorithm would be?
>
>Me: Oh, it'll be 'n' times--
>
>Him: Oh, you think it's going to be 'n'? You think it'll be 'n'??!! That's ridiculous, there's no way it would just be 'n'!
>
>Me: Uhhhh, you gotta let me finish speaking
He then cut me off mid sentence twice more during our conversation. We... didn't get along. Dude was a total tool
Told me "Yeah all women are bitches, you included. No offense." Within the first 2 minutes of knowing me.
Just say "offense taken," and take a photo of them. When they ask why, just say "going to share with my other b1tches so they know who to not date."
“Oh you’re a Scorpio? I can definitely tell because…”
Girl only knew me for five minutes when she said that. It was a group project. I was forced to get along with her for the better part of a semester
This was in an astronomy class
New guy at work. Suuuper fake by being overly excited and super overly comfortable with everyone in the first minute. He's all "mami" this and "papi" that to everyone and very overly touchy (we were almost all Hispanics there and everyone was uncomfortable). First phone call of the day, he hangs up cursing and taking it super personally that someone hung up on him (daily occurrence in customer service). After about 6 months, I put in my 2 weeks notice solely because I couldn't work next to or with him anymore (he would also get overly gossipy and personal). My boss rejected my notice and transferred him. He couldn't stand the guy either. No one could.
Anything that starts with a look over both shoulders and a “since it’s just us” head nod that lets you know some racist ignorant s**t is coming. I was at my sister in law’s house at a housewarming when their new neighbor let fly right after he met me. He was trying to discretely talk to me and his friend who was also over. I did the “I don’t understand” trick where you keep asking them to explain the joke until it’s uncomfortable for everybody and starts drawing attention. Still hate that dude.
THIS. I mentioned much the same thing in an earier comment. It comes out of the clear blue sky and falls in your lap. Hate it, don't need it, get your racist a*s away from me.
Girl: I have two siblings. How many siblings do you have?
Me: I have 10 siblings. But I only associate with my twin now.
Girl(disgusted): Jeez! Your mom should close her legs! I bet you don't even share a father with all of them.
Me: .... You're a b***h. *Walks away*
I didn't want to respond to the actual statement because out of those 10 the only full blooded relative I had was my twin. 6 were half, 3 were step and 1 adopted.
I think that whole conversation lasted less than 30 seconds.. it was supposed to be a simple icebreaker and that single question told me everything about her personality and who she was. A b***h.
I'd not use the word B*tch as an insult anymore, because (a) it's a reference to being female and hence not an insult, unless you are sexist, and (b) there are much more accurate insults like "turd", etc.
If a man calls a woman a “female” it’s an automatic “nope”
It's very common for people who are, or were in the military to call men males, and women females. Both female and male soldiers in the US military do as part of the common military phraseology you learn in Basic Training.
"I know I'm not supposed to ask, but I need to know. It's not for work or anything-- what religion are you?"- HR manager
Anyone that uses their political ideology as their sole identity.
I’m a female person. I once met a woman who told me she hates women and has no female friends because women are too much drama and she’s just one of the guys.
Ok. Got it. 👍
Ah, an I’m not like others girls. AKA I’m the toxic one
"No one wants to work anymore, I've been here fifteen years and I've never called in sick. I had a fever and I came in and powered through it."
I said I was sorry that he couldn't afford to miss a shift and he got all offended. It was genuinely a point of pride for him to work while sick. Absolutely disgusting.
Bringing a disease to work must be classified as assault or bioterror and punished as such. F**k off and go home with your disease you damn disease vector.
They talk negatively about someone else in a very judgy way. There was this mom in my daughter's school who seemed to "know" everyone, she talked to me and she spoke so bad about these people. Then moments later I saw her interacting in a "friendly" way, with those she was judging. My eyes rolled so much I could see my brain telling me not to get involved with her. And I was right, because by the time school year ends, her "friends" hated her and they were talking behind her back too.
Meet Your Teacher day before my kiddo started kindergarten and this other parent literally bragged that her kid was completely illiterate, couldn't stand being read to, and she hated reading too.
I used to play the drums and jump around in different bands to find one that fit. One guitarist, and I’ll never forget it, said, “I don’t know what it is, but black women’s pussy smells so bad.” It also came out of nowhere since we were talking about music during a practice. I never saw him again. I also apologize for having to repeat it.
“You’re late. I’ve been here for ten mins already.” I was only 5 mins late for the date because I was looking for parking and had let him know.
Any time Jews come up in a conversation in a context other than the person telling you that they're Jewish it's usually bad.
They didn't know what WWII was, who hitler was, or why Nazis were bad. She thought it was a slur for "white person" because she kept seeing it on the news and online.
Have you read anything about flat earth theory?
yes, it's a great way to tell whether someone is in need of supportive mental care.
They tried to convince me that Hitler had some good points... I think he's in jail now
hitler did have some good points. He was an ok artist and he tried to be vegetarian. I think that's about all though. /jk /joke
My new neighbor moved in and avoided contact for the first week or so before walking over to us while my wife and I were doing some yard work. He says "I've got my lady hollering at me to come to the hospital. She's having our kid."
"Oh congrats," I said.
"I hope it's not mine." He says.
"You should try Ivermectin" and I'm out...
yep. I'd say "well you're not a horse and covid is not a parasitic worm, so you are obviously not very smart."
Asked a guy what he does at a business networking event.
"Well I'm a Chiropractor but looking to get out."
"how come?"
"All these me too accusations. In another State I had 3 of them. Good thing none of them went to the bar."
Edit: He probably said board instead of bar. As soon as he started complaining about me too accusations I pretty much tuned him out.
Started at a new job, went for a team dinner and the very first thing he did was talk about how bad the dating scene was in the city and how "ugly" all the women are...
Dating scene was absolutely fine btw, I pull out of the conversation and then he just continues to ramble on about how smart he is vs everyone else.. safe to say I've been avoiding him since
I remember seeing someone for around 20 seconds (They didn't seem aware of my presence) and they were already making fun of me because I simply walked by. They made fun of other people too, but the fact that they just met someone and immediately targetted them for harassment is a red flag bigger than most poles can handle
Reminds me of university, I had to walk through the fashion dep to get to art dep, and the b****y “fashionistas” who were really pretty basic, would always comment on my odd fashion choices. Or that they heard my thighs rubbing together as I walked, because god forbid I didn’t have a mile wide thigh gap and wasn’t cocaine chic
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I don't think I've ever met someone I hated from minute one. On the other hand, I could have sometimes a weird feeling when I meet someone. That most often turns out to be a red flag confirmed later by his/her actions. I think it's my subconscious that perceives signs that I don't see immediately.
Exactly. Your subconscious is picking up clues, and eventually there's enough for your conscious mind to say "RUN!"
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About 2 years ago, this kid started working for us (lasted 3 weeks) and the first conversation he tried to start was about how tight his girlfriend's pussy was. I shut him down with the fierceness.
I had a young bloke (22yr) do this when i was working with him. I schooled him lol I said "mate, you bring your Mrs to work BBQs and stuff if you want us to respect you and her how about you do it and stop telling everyone her private business" he was shocked I didn't want to hear about him having sex
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My first day on the job and a coworker asked if I was a Christian. I answered yes. He asked if he took a gun out and put it to my head, would I be okay with him pulling the trigger?
I don't think I've ever met someone I hated from minute one. On the other hand, I could have sometimes a weird feeling when I meet someone. That most often turns out to be a red flag confirmed later by his/her actions. I think it's my subconscious that perceives signs that I don't see immediately.
Exactly. Your subconscious is picking up clues, and eventually there's enough for your conscious mind to say "RUN!"
Load More Replies... About 2 years ago, this kid started working for us (lasted 3 weeks) and the first conversation he tried to start was about how tight his girlfriend's pussy was. I shut him down with the fierceness.
I had a young bloke (22yr) do this when i was working with him. I schooled him lol I said "mate, you bring your Mrs to work BBQs and stuff if you want us to respect you and her how about you do it and stop telling everyone her private business" he was shocked I didn't want to hear about him having sex
Load More Replies... My first day on the job and a coworker asked if I was a Christian. I answered yes. He asked if he took a gun out and put it to my head, would I be okay with him pulling the trigger?
