50 Brutal Moments When People Realized Their ‘Friends’ Didn’t Actually Like ThemInterview
There’s something so magical about friendship. Having a partner in crime you can confide in when you’re stressed or go out on the town with when you’re celebrating makes life infinitely more exciting. But when we’re bonding with our besties over beers and sharing confessions about our childhoods, it’s hard to imagine there may ever come a time when we’ll want to rip off our matching necklaces or flush our friendship bracelets down the toilet.
Reddit users have recently been opening up about former friendships that they decided to end, so you'll find some of their most heart wrenching stories below, as well as interviews with the person who started this conversation and Corey J. Flanders, LMHC.
(Semi truck driver here) F****r called a black man an “incompetent ni***r” simply because the guy was having a hard time backing up his truck n trailer and had asked for help. I called my dispatcher and told him that I need off this truck and back into my own. Never ever went back to team driving after that.
He did call me later down the road asking what I was doing these days. I said im that i don’t like to be friends with racist c***s and hung up.
To hear how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to the Reddit user who posed the question, “Why did you need to cut off a friend?” The OP, An_epiphany, shared that they’ve seen many friendships form, break and reach unexpected places. “Despite this, I always felt like an outlier because my friendships didn't last that long compared to many people around me,” they noted. “I asked this question to not just hear from a diverse group of people, but to also reassure myself that not all friendships are everlasting and sometimes that's okay for your own wellbeing.”
An_epiphany also shared that they’ve had to cut off close friends before too. “Over time, I felt like my friendships with some people were draining,” they explained. “At a certain point, I was even convinced I was just a nuisance between other people and realized only until I took a break from pushing myself to be noticed, that I was just not somebody they cared enough to include.”
“I often asked myself, ‘Am I the issue?’ or ‘Was this inevitably going to happen?’” the OP added. “Questions with no answers are frustrating, but I just kept moving on. Grappling onto expired relationships rarely got me anywhere.”
6yrs ago my “best friend” held a firearm to me and told me to “put out or get out.” I obviously left immediately. We were severely addicted to painkillers and that was basically the only reason that I stuck around with him for so long. His actions that night actually saved my life. I’ve been clean 6yrs at the end of the month. I never spoke to him again after he traumatized me like that. He passed away about a month ago from a drug overdose. I just hope his mom is okay.
I finally figured out that all that good natured ribbing he did all the time was him just being a bully. He had issues and I was his favorite punching bag. I finally wised up and got rid of his a*s.
All we ever damn did was go to karaoke at night, get hammered, she got into fights, I babysat her, and we were both hungover all the next day. I begged her to do things during the day, lunch, the beach, events, anything! I was so tired of drinking myself to death and protecting her dumb violent drunk a*s, so I just stopped going. After the third night I didn't show, she called to yell at me about how I never want to do anything... I reminded her of the several texts asking to do things during the day. Then she did something stupid while drunk, had a very public ugly cry panic breakdown, called every person we know and told them I abandoned her at the bar or something and whatever she did was my fault somehow. We were damn 30 years old. A mutual friend and her mother were angry with me to the point of telling me off via text.
About 3 months later, her mom calls me in tears, begging me to help her alcoholic daughter. I gave her phone numbers, and said I was not going to be involved.
We were also curious what the OP thought of the responses to their post. “[They] told me a lot, with some being a bit freakier than others, but reading them made me feel less ‘abnormal’ than I thought I was,” An_epiphany shared. “There were responses talking about putting more effort into the relationship than their friend (ex-friend if you will) and others talked about how their friend tried to disrupt their happiness for the benefit of their own.”
“I've seen too many about how their friend was trying to steal from them or used them to make themselves feel better, which I largely resonated with in the past,” the OP continued. “A surprising response I saw was how a friend ended up being convicted of raping a minor - definitely not something I could handle hearing, even from a distant classmate I knew.”
She told another friend… right in front of me… “yeah, if (my name) didn’t keep in touch, we’d never see each other.” Light bulb went on.
He confessed he liked me, and when I said "no" because I'm straight and I have a girlfriend, he kept pushing to "just try" "pretend to be gay and date me". I said no "I'm just a friend and I'd like to keep it that way, we will never be morethan that" I treated him like a brother. We were friends for almost 6 years at that point, so it was a hard decision to cut him off. But I had to because he just kept pushing and pushing to the point I became uncomfortable and felt pressured.
Let's just say I began to suspect his obsession with the Confederate flag had to do with more than his family's heritage.
An_epiphany also shared some wise words for anyone who’s in a friendship they’re considering ending. “If you feel like you'll have more ‘freedom’ (say being able to freely express your feelings and emotions without fear of judgment) by cutting off a friend, by all means pull the plug,” they told Bored Panda. “Friendships aren't supposed to be chores, nor should you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them. If it's emotionally taxing for you, that should say enough about the healthiness level you have with that person/those people.”
He hit on my wife, and tried telling her first that I said it was okay, and then tried to say I was having an affair with his wife, none of which was true.
My best friend in high school was a chick. She dated one of my other buddies through high school.
When I first met her I had wanted to date her but she liked my buddy so I moved on. Well later on I introduced her to my buddy and she introduced me to her friends. I had a blast.
Several years go by we graduate. My buddy and my best friend go to college together and move in together. I go somewhere else.
They don’t do well together and break up. By this point I have a girlfriend. She’s great and she gets along with best friend.
Several more years pass we are still friends she gets married gets pregnant, has some great kids looks to be having an awesome life. I also got married had kids so and so and anyway.
Well then we were having a conversation about how things turned out how cool it was that we were still friends after so long.
Then she turns to me and says she made a bad mistake back in the day. She should have hooked up with me and had kids with me so I would marry her and we would grow old together.
She said this while rubbing her hand on my thigh. My wife and kids, her husband and kids were in a different room. She shot her shot 8 years too late. If she had asked before dating my buddy maybe. However I love my family and my wife so it was a no brainer. She insisted and tried to kiss me. I said no. We finished out the evening went home and I haven’t talked to her since. That was 8 years ago.
She was my friend and tried to get me to cheat on my wife, while also cheating on her husband while also telling me she should have trapped me when we were in high school. The person who I thought had been my best friend who I thought I had known was actually a terrible person.
I had just gained confidence to wear shorts and skirts (i have/had very noticeable scars all along my thighs and legs) and she pointed them out and asked what was wrong with me. She said it in a very rude tone and just stared at me as I cried. Needless to say, I didn’t wear shorts or skirts for years and I stopped talking to her after that.
We also got in touch with Zencare counselor Corey J. Flanders, LMHC, who was kind enough to share his thoughts on ending friendships. Corey is based in Providence, RI and has expertise in existential challenges, spiritual guidance, loss of meaning, anxiety, depression, and trauma. He combines excellence in evidence-based therapy techniques with his lifelong experience as a mediator to help clients move beyond symptoms and lead more fulfilling lives.
Corey first shared with Bored Panda that he’s not a fan of the phrase “cutting off,” because we want to be careful about turning former friends into “bad guys” in our minds. “However, we will all eventually need to draw boundaries and set limits in our relationships,” the counselor says. “This is necessary for our well being and often necessary for the health of the relationship. Some boundaries may need to be firmer or more strict depending on the circumstance. With some people, our boundary may need to include no contact for some duration. Sometimes we need to stop focusing on others and start focusing on ourselves. Other boundaries are made within ourselves. An example would be learning to say no in relationships or not answering the phone just because someone is calling.”
Trump, conspiracy theories, Covid denier, the usual modern American story.
He tried to tell me that his work stresses were more stressful than me losing my child, and that's why he wasn't available to offer support when i needed him in my darkest hour.
Don't plan on ever speaking to him again.
My so called friend spread rumors about me so bad, it got to a point where jobs refused to hire me. I was unemployed for almost two years because of it.
As far as how we know when it’s time to end a friendship, Corey says we need to listen to ourselves and pay attention to how we’re feeling. “How does being with this person make you feel? Some relationships start wonderfully but end up being toxic,” the expert shared. “The friendship might not serve us any longer. We stop feeling good around the person and over time end up feeling used or belittled. I think if you ask yourself honestly, some part of you knows if enough is enough. Listen to that part.”
“Another big indicator is communication,” Corey added. “Does your friend really listen to you and do they respect what you say? I mean, there will always be some amount of conflict or misunderstanding in friendships; we're only human. Look to see if the friendship is a place where the two of you can work on these misunderstandings and grow from them, or is it a place where you feel unheard and pushed around? If your friend isn't interested in working on it with you, it may be unsalvageable. But it takes two to tango. It's a two way street. So make sure you're also willing and able to own your part and learn about yourself.”
Got the call that my dad had suffered a stroke and I needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I lived two states away and got the earliest flight I could which was at 5 am. Asked my then roommate if he would be willing to drive me to the airport in the morning. The way he reacted told me it was just the biggest inconvenience for him to wake up early to drive me to the airport so I could make it to my dad before he died. I ended up taking an uber. From that moment on I just could not look at him in the same light. Still had a few months left on our lease but once it was over, I moved out and never spoke to him again. He never tried to reach out either so I guess we weren't as good friends as I thought to begin with.
Kept saying the n word like dude I invited you to hang out with this diverse group of friends and you say my n^#&% at least 20 times a minute. Every single one of us could have kicked his a*s and this kid just stood there trying to challenge everyone to a fight after being told he should watch his mouth. Dumbass kid. Is a born again Christian pastor now but i don't buy it. He's just unemployable and has kids.
She was using me for my money. She had a plan for my paycheck every paycheck.
When it comes to making healthier friendships in the future, Corey noted that it’s important to work on yourself first and foremost. “Try to understand how you may have contributed to the failed friendship. Were you rigid, judgmental, sensitive, jealous, etc. Again, it takes two to tango,” the counselor says. “Hopefully, we're all trying to better ourselves and seeking to grow and change for the better. Therapy can help. Or developing a spiritual practice, like meditation, to help with self-awareness and developing a sense of which of our behaviors feels right at this stage in our life.”
“For example, maybe we notice that alcohol intake is making us feel worse and discover that we can work to let it go,” Corey continued. “Or maybe we notice that we have been excessively needy in our friendships and then work to set better boundaries and become more comfortable in our own skin and less reliant on others to make us feel happy and complete. Ultimately, changing one's life starts with you. It's an inside job. As you grow and change and become more healthy, you'll naturally attract friends on that wavelength. Find new hobbies or go back to school. Meet people with similar positive interests.”
Best friend of over 30 yrs. I considered and even called him my brother. I caught him trying to hook up with my wife when she was too drunk to resist. I kicked him out of my house and haven't spoken to him since, and have no intention of ever doing so again.
She was an emotional vampire. Everything was either a pity party for her or a celebration of whatever achievement she had gotten. But if I or anyone else needed sympathy or anything, we were obviously very selfish people and were complaining too much. Or if anyone wanted to celebrate an achievement, we were rubbing it in her face.
Also, she was super flakey. Once, we planned to meet at the gym and she never showed. I texted and called but got nothing until about 2 hours later when she said she was at another friend's house.
He kicked me out of a band without actually kicking me out. He just stopped inviting me to gigs. If you wanted to kick me out, then kick me out, but at least have the common courtesy to tell me face-to-face that you’re kicking me out. Don’t ghost me.
Corey also wants to remind readers to avoid turning other people into monsters in our minds. “If a friendship isn't working any longer, that doesn't have to mean that your old friend is horrible and needs to be disliked,” he told Bored Panda. “Try to develop compassion and empathy. Understand that we're all in this crazy life together and you never know what might be happening inside another person. People who are afraid often display confusing behaviors and emotions like anger, defensiveness, and lack of trust. Sometimes that isn't about you and there's nothing you can do about it. Let the friend go if it's not working for you, but do so with grace. Wish them well and then work to see if there's something you need to learn about yourself.”
He started doing Amway. Every call, every time. Amway. He was my best man and me his. Done, over, after 20 years.
When I was a single mom, I had a bartending job where I worked every Friday night until quite late. Another single mom and I had become friends after our kids did, and I knew she was a lot more financially strapped than I was. So I made a deal that on Fridays, she would pick my kid up and keep them until Saturday and I’d pay her. A couple of years later, my workplace shut down for remodeling, and I didn’t need her to babysit any more. She went off on me, saying she relied on that income, and how dare I take food out of her child’s mouth, blah blah blah.
Yeah, that was too much for me. No more friendship.
After 17 years of being "Best friends" I finally figured out that she only kept me around to tear down my self esteem to make herself look better. She never considered anybody else's feelings in what she did or said. If you tried to make plans and she couldn't come, she would bully you into changing it or make a big deal of how you must hate her.
Worst part was she was related to some big wigs in town so if you pissed her off, good luck keeping or finding a job.
Every time I mentioned a girl I was talking to or was even slightly interested in he would go out of his way to chat her up, ask her out or try to shag her. He even messaged my ex (who he didn't even know) on Facebook a week after we broke up trying to get with her. Weird, weird bloke.
Because they were the biggest narcissist known to man. Some examples include:
1. Constantly referring to themselves as iconic, gorgeous, a legend, a celebrity
2. Posting 700 selfies with a filter everyday, clearly thinking people are obsessed with them
3. They would call me constantly just to talk about themselves. When I would speak, they would yawn or interrupt me, or just start texting on their phone and ignoring me altogether
4. They talked s**t about other people and were really nasty to strangers, acting very entitled
5. They had no empathy and did not take accountability for their nasty behavior. Nothing was ever their fault, they were perfect and it was everyone else who was the problem.
6. They were very shallow, vain, and only wanted to hang around pretty people
7. They used people to social climb
I can go on and on. But basically every symptom of narcissist personality disorder...they had.
Old roommate. He backstabbed me with some harsh words all because of a girl. Then almost frontstabbed me with a knife while I was sleeping. Seemingly had a semi-sober moment in his drunken rage and took it out on my bedroom wall instead.
I was fed up with walking on eggshells around him all the time.
Sunk cost had me sticking around in that friendship for way too long, but having the pleasure of knowing what actual great friends are like, I made the decision to pull the plug. I wish him well. I still want to see him eat, just not at my table anymore.
She never wanted to talk about my problems and life, only her own. When I’d try to open up, she’d shut me down by saying the subject was “awkward.” The final straw was when I tried to tell her that I was experiencing PPD and I needed someone to listen, and she wouldn’t let me talk.
I became a therapist at some point and definitely wasn't qualified to deal with incest, SA, money problems, etc.
Drugs and alcohol. Eventually you need to just walk away.
They were unbelievably toxic and annoying to even be around. Ruined my reputation and my general self-being, and made me feel like s**t for something I wasn’t even at fault for.
I couldn’t keep propping him back up. I love the guy, but he’s gotta live his life. I got him jobs, moved him in with me several times, he ate my food, used my wifi, drank my booze, and just quits on everyone. I’m good homie. I’ve got mouths to feed.
They got a new job and almost immediately their personality shifted. They started getting randomly paranoid, sharing memes and constantly talking about incredibly racist stuff, and not wanting to go to certain areas. Even though we'd just been there weeks before, all of a sudden they were rampant crime areas. It became impossible to have a conversation with them without it becoming some rant about how his rights were gone and the world was terrible.
Maybe it was always there, but it felt like one day, they're my friend that I've known for decades, and a few months later I'm dealing with a delusional wannabe survivalist.
After 15 years, I was still on friend probation. She was still deciding whether she would continue to be my friend or not. Every once in a while she would ghost me. And she wouldn't communicate, but would do passive-aggressive things to try to hurt me so I would get mad enough to say something and THEN she would tell me what was wrong.
I realized I would have never treated her like she was treating me, and I deserved better.
He used to tell me all about taking advantage of opportunities and "not being an angel" and praising the idea of being selfish.
I didn't realize he was warning me.
Friend was always kind of snarky, but their life got screwed up, I hung in and helped as best I could, including lending money(repaid). Helped them avoid some bad consequences of avoidant behavior. They became really b****y, mean and even stole some stuff. After a while, they realized I stopped visiting, declined requests to get together and pushed back hard on rude, unpleasant comments. Now they're polite, but I've moved on. We have friends in common; I don't tell others about the bad behavior. I understand that depression and anxiety can make people irritable, but it went way too far.
It's been 10+ years since we've left high school. They still have the same mentality now that they did then.
She went full maga. You’d disprove something, she’d just charge off on the next nonsense. She can make up s**t faster than you can disprove it. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.
She was abusive. Yes, I was her friend between the ages of 11 and 16, so I know this sounds extreme, but she actually displayed all of the signs of an abuser. She manipulated me and lied to me, gaslit and guilt-tripped me constantly, called me names sometimes and insulted me, would turn all my friends against me if she perceived any wrong from me, straight up bullied and alienated me for a year, took advantage of me and guilt-tripped me some more when I started having trauma responses around her, and then would flip to a nice and caring friend at random, especially when I'd pull away, and suck me right back in. Eventually an altercation happened where I was in gym class while injured without a doctor's note, and she yelled at me for not participating in the game to her satisfaction (i.e. running full-speed like everyone else) because my injury was hidden under my clothes, and accused me of lying even though the gym teacher himself okayed me taking it easy as long as I was participating. Then she hunted me down after class and told me we were gonna have to have a serious talk because my behavior has to stop like a disappointed parent scolds their child and made an insult to my intelligence. (I'm really insecure about that because I'm autistic, and anyone who knows me knows to never go there.) Then she strung me along with fake apologies and c**p when I got really upset and then turned around and made it out like I was the one who was causing trouble and didn't want to fix what happened.
I couldn't take it anymore. We sat down a little over a month later and ended the friendship. The last time I spoke to her, she tried the whole guilt-tripping me for avoiding her and talking down to me like a parent does their child, and I flatly informed her that I don't think she knows me anymore and walked away. She tried harassing me via text and email (I had her blocked on social media so she couldn't try that) and it fell through because I didn't respond.
I'm 24 now. I've been through worse, and I've grown up. I've managed to heal, and distancing myself from my classmates really really helped. If you're reading this and know who you are, I know that I was toxic too. I was young and immature and dramatic and didn't treat you so good either, and I'm sorry. I hope you're well, and I hope you got therapy and learned how to properly treat people with love and respect. But I will never forget how you treated me, I was already going through enough without your bologna, and I wish you never moved to town. I hope to God I never have the misfortune of ever laying eyes on you again.
When her venting became toxic dumping. I would always try to listen to her. Sometimes I would tell her what I thought might help in whatever situation she was dealing with. She never took my advice and continued to toxic dump. Also she was rich and I was struggling through college and we would go get dinner and she would order apps and dessert and an expensive entree. I would get a cheap entree and this girl really made me split the check with her 50/50. SMH thinking about it.
One was a manipulative thief.
The other is a raging alcoholic who's still really into all that Qanon s**t.
She moved into my house, drank shitload of vodka and took pills, invited internet strangers over at the beginning of COVID, and revealed herself as a f*****g sociopath. When I kicked her out with 30 days’ notice, she told people I was in love with her.
Disregarding my boundaries. She was going through a lot but hearing about it made me stressed, which is on me, but it caused us to argue more and make me more antsy. When I asked for a day apart because I needed some space, she constantly claimed I would just ghost her and ignored my desires for space. It definitely wasn’t all one sided - I struggle to maintain my mental health when faced with other people’s problems, which is something I need to work on. But insisting I’d just leave and not listening to my needs? At that point our five year friendship wasn’t worth constant stress.
Also not to get too into it but I have come to the realization that there were some really toxic behaviors with us. We met online when I was 16 and she was 20, I believe - I didn’t know at the time but it wasn’t a very healthy friendship.
Disrespect disguised as flakiness.
Acted like everyone else was the toxic one. Always asked for money, never gave anything in return. Came up with sob stories as a way to take advantage of the kindness of others.
She wouldn't stop being clingy and bordering obsessed. I asked her multiple times to please not worry about me or think I was mad at her if I didn't respond to e-mail messages or texts right away, but to no avail. It didn't help that she'd call or text multiple times a day.
Talked behind my back. Changed their voice around dudes that I liked.
relationship became one sided... I was giving it my all, she was just taking...plus, found out she keeps me a secret but at the same time, I'm her emergency contact...