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Raising tiny humans is hard, there’s no doubt about it. My utmost respect goes to the loving parents and dedicated educators out there who are helping to mold a brighter, better future for us all.
But putting all the accolades aside, parenting in itself is one hell of a strategic set of moves where small steps go a long way. And there are so many tactics from ‘how to’ and ‘what not to do’ when raising kids that they inevitably stir some debate. I mean, some parenting trends are really controversial—just think of family TikTok accounts. Some say it's an awesome way to communicate and spread the message, others think it may promote negative experiences often tied with social media.
So who’s right? We may not exactly know, but we can find out what common parenting trends people see as nonsense. “What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?” asked a Redditor called Qquackie and the answers started pouring in. Below are some of the most interesting ones!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Not vaccinating your child.
Hans 3 years ago
Over here, not taking your children to the recommended doctor visits will be investigated for possible neglect. I deem that to be the right thing to do.
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Adam C 3 years ago (edited)
I get it...you want to do what you think its best for your kid. But using google or facebook or tiktok as research source is beyond me. Yhy do you think 5 minutes of your "research" is more reliable than years of medical research done by people working with medical research?
Louloubelle 3 years ago
Adam C - Right? It's so insane. And trying to reason with these people gets you no where.
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Jane Jane 3 years ago
Babies aren't eligible for Measles vaccine until 9 months old. That means they are vulnerable because so many antivaxxers kids are running around. Putting the youngest at risk is sickening.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
And any child with an immuno-compromised condition that means they can't get them. It is not just about 'your' child but everyone who can be affected and it is beyond even selfishness not to get them vaccinated! We had a 4 year old at my preschool who had a condition which meant he couldn't be vaccinated yet and he had to stay home at the slightest sniffle and we had to notify his parents if an illness was going through the class, just in case.
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Blarrg 3 years ago
That's what I was thinking. There have always been people who don't believe in vaccines. It's not a trend, it's just getting more attention currently.
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buttonpusher 3 years ago
My kids are all vaccinated. One of them has autism. Someone once said to my mother that it was probably brought on by the MMR. He was showing unusual behaviour before he'd even had the jab. I knew something was up long before he was diagnosed. Also, autism runs in his dad's family and possibly mine.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
This is what I believe happens most of the time. The child already has it and it just hasn't been diagnosed then the parents wrongly believe it came from the vaccine.
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Jo Choto 3 years ago
That was the first thing I thought of. So many innocent children around the world are dying of preventable diseases because they don't have access to vaccinations, and meanwhile in the west, idiots are risking their children's lives unnecessarily because they think they understand the science.
Cass Malone 3 years ago
VACCINES HAVE NO LINK TO AUTISM! you are born with autism, it does not develop
It seems like there are as many parenting tactics as there are parents. This year, we see new trends emerging, from mindful usage of the internet to parents getting support from online groups, and gender-neutral parenting. The last trend is especially liked for millennial parents who are no longer willing to fit their children in society's predefined boxes but want to allow them to experiment, experience and express themselves.
Other new trends include “baby budgeting,” with parents of newborns getting a whole more money-savvy. Baby budget calculators and charity shops are on the rise as parents seem to have finally realized you don’t need to spend a fortune on shoes every other month as your child is growing.
RELATED:
#2
Letting your kids run amok everywhere and then being furious when other people are annoyed. I'm an older mom. I was raised with the idea that you have a social contract with others to not be a pain in the a**. I don't let my kids go nuts in public. When they are having a hard time, we leave. I don't expect them to be angels for hours in adult situations, but being told to not be loud and crazy at the grocery or in line somewhere is not child abuse. Letting your kids be a hellion that everyone else cringes to see is so unfair to your kids.
Lou Cam 3 years ago
So agree with this. So many parents let their kids scream and throw things in stores or public places and hold to their "let them scream it out" philosophy. No, the kid has had enough of being in that situation, you take them outside. I also have an ASD and ADHD child so yes it is possible to remove them from a situation they are not enjoying whilst also being mindful to people around you also. I've had to pack up and leave so many situations for this reason, restaurants, shops, public transport (and walk a couple of miles in the rain instead). It is possible and you learn what the tolerances of your kids are, noisy bright places were generally no go areas for me.
Louloubelle 3 years ago
Yes, I've left full grocery carts when my kids had meltdowns. They did not have the same neurodivergent issues, but all kids have their melting point. My theory on kids behavior is - they can be as nasty in your home as you can tolerate, but when they're out is public they need to not bother anyone.
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Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
I'm blissfully child free, but I'm never going to judge a child's caregiver if the child seems to be genuinely tired or on the spectrum or is simply going through the terrible twos. I know what it's like to deal with those tantrums! I am going to judge if you're kicking back having coffees and brunch for three hours with your mates while your poor kids go wild with boredom. Having been a waitress in a small cafe with kids zooming around while I'm carrying hot stuff, I know exactly how dangerous it is, to say nothing of annoying for everyone.
Micah 3 years ago
Exactly. A child's behavior isn't always a predictable thing, but the parent(s)/guardian(s) need to put in effort if an outburst is occurring.
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Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago (edited)
Sometimes I wish it was perfectly legal to deck brats who are running amok like wild beasts. On two occasions my grandmother and I had a lovely dinner out ruined this way.
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Erin Mitchell 3 years ago
Yep. Have been called rude several times bc I wont hesitate to scold a child thats acting up in public. Had a lady come into the grocery store I worked at with 3 kids. The oldest was fine, the middle was a trouble maker, but the youngest was straight hell on wheels. He was about 3/4 yrs old and spent his time running around the store, knocking stuff off shelves, and throwing stuff out of the cart. The last straw was when she left her toddler having a meltdown in the middle of the main walkway to go checkout and the middle child wrecked a soda display. I scolded him and told him he better not dare leave his mother's side for the rest of the time they were in the store and sent him back to his mother. For the youngest I just loudly stood there discussing with a coworker how I was going to have to call the police for child abandonment and endangerment until she stormed back over to grab him. Keep your shitty kids to yourself people.
Jessica Gunn 3 years ago
On the other side of this, when a child/children are polite and well mannered, I definitely tell them so. I was a restaurant server for 20 years, and I'll let the parents know that their child/children are the exception, and how great they are so they know how much it's appreciated and admired.
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
So do I. Most of the time, parents are shocked, but I just smile and go on my way.
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Peej Maybe 3 years ago
Totally this. Particularly if it's a place other people are paying to be at. The cinema, a restaurant? Don't let your kids ruin everyone else's day or evening. A public park? Hell, let 'em go nuts (as long as they're not kicking a ball into someone's romantic picnic).
Nunya Bus 3 years ago
What I'd like to know is with amount of hysteria and mistrust parents in blogs and social media have about strangers, why do these same parents let their kids wander away from them in stores, parking lots, amusement parks etc. I see these parents time and time again not paying any attention and their 3 year old is running around the place. Even if the child isn't kidnapped they could be severely hurt. What's up with that? When I was little one hand was to be on the shopping cart at all times unless my mom said otherwise.
Memere 3 years ago
Seriously, I really don't get it either. I watched a little 4-5 year old boy running around a store while mom was in line waiting to check out. The kid was over by the entrance & anyone could have grabbed him & been gone in a flash. Mom was focused on her phone.
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Cheyenne 3 years ago
When I was coming up, all our moms had to do was give us The Look, and we quieted down immediately. They weren’t kidding.
Memere 3 years ago
All my mom had to do was snap her fingers & we lined up. If we got The Look, we knew we were in for it when we got home!
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Scagsy 3 years ago
Having been in the hospitality industry, I have seen countless occasions of parents getting a table and then just completely switching off to their kids. These kids are wandering around the place getting in the way of people carrying hot food and drinks and generally upsetting everyone who has to listen to their racket. The parents have no idea what is going on and they act as though paedophiles don't exist. It isn't my job to look out for your kids, it's your job to keep them safe and prevent them bothering others. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be going to the pub or restaurant.
#3
Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places
Thorfin Wolfsbane 3 years ago
For todays parent, it’s not called a device, it’s called a “babysitter”
Dianellian 3 years ago
Restaurants, airplanes, supermarkets etc. Just NO. And seeing a child out who is barely old enough to walk holding a phone is disgusting. Interact with your child!
Charlie grace 3 years ago
And shoving the tablet/device in front of them as soon as they are seated at the table in the restaurant.... I worked as a waitress and so many children were basically ignored and/or zoned out the entire meal...so they weren't learning anything about eating out in public or engaging at all with their surroundings. Quite sad
Peej Maybe 3 years ago
See my comment in the 'letting your kids run amok' post above. If you do this in a place where other people have come to have a quiet evening or a nice social occasion you're just helicopter-parenting scum basically...I don't care if it keeps your kid quiet, either buy earphones or turn the audio off.
Sandra Givens 3 years ago
Actually had a woman in front of me in a movie theater break out a video game for her very young son to play because he was (rightfully) bored. After a couple of minutes of bang, boom, chirp, pow loudly interrupting the quiet scenes, I told her to turn off the sound or take the kid out. Normally I just endure but that was truly too much.
#4
not educating your kids about sex because it's an "uncomfortable topic"
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
It's better teaching them properly than them learning about it in the school yard from other kids. I sat down with my daughter when she was 8-9 and watched "What is happening to me" and "Where did I come from". They are cartoon style but informative and then afterwards we had a chat about what she saw and if she had any questions. I also made sure she knows she can come to me and ask me anything and I will answer the best I can. I believe it is important to have open lines of communication.
James016 3 years ago
Also teach your kids the correct names for their body parts. It is critical
Bobby 3 years ago
It is a little awkward and uncomfortable but has to be done. Caught my 12 year old looking at porn and my first thought was wow I should have had this talk sooner. Tried to not embarrass him. Didn't punish. Basically it was I get you're curious and that's OK. I don't know a single guy that doesn't look at porn at least occasionally. But at any age, especially yours when you're still developing, it can also be damaging. What you saw doesn't reflect real sex at all.
Sareaesque 3 years ago
When I was old enough to start asking questions, my mum got me age-appropriate books on anatomy. I never had 'the talk' but I had access to enough reading material I never really needed it.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
Ooooo, this one makes me so mad!!! From the time my kid was about 2 I would educate her on the proper name for her body parts. I wanted her to know what they were called. I used the scientific names and let her know it was normal to talk about her body. She is 15 now and has conversations with me about her period and her body because it's normal and she knows I won't shame her. She knows she can talk to me about sex too because I have shown her from the beginning that these are natural human experiences and that I can handle the convos with her. I am hoping that this will lead her to have a much more healthy adult experience in life. I hope!
Erin Mitchell 3 years ago
Teach your kids about sex. Teach them the PROPER names for their body parts. Teach them about rules for their body (bodily autonomy). Teach them about puberty (male AND female no matter what gender they are). Teach them about contraceptives. There's no reason for a grown man not to know what periods are. There's no reason people should be getting pregnant bc they dont know what causes pregnancy or how to prevent it. Teacher your kids.
Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
Yes! This is very important imo! And in different stages/ways. Kids are curious and it's better to take their questions as they come and not be afraid of the subject. Don't get afraid when your younger kid starts asking about sex, it doesn't mean that they want to have sex - they are curious and if they start talking with you about it it means they invite you in. If you don't talk about it then they probably won't ask you when they are older. Sex is only uncomfortable to talk about if you make it uncomfortable.
Julie C Rose 3 years ago
I will say that if you give your kids access to a reputable source about sex, that can be OK. Scarleteen is a good one, and the magazines I read when I was a teenager had articles about stuff like contraception and other things we need to do for sexual health, like Pap smears.
Heather Taylor 3 years ago
YES!!!. it's being sneaky, acting like it's dirty, & pretending it doesn't exist that screws people up over their own innate, natural sexuality. It should be a form of mental abuse & neglect. PLEASE don't give your kids weird/Dirty/secretive vibes by not ever mentioning it to them. Speak in a chill, matter of fact tone (I know..I know... hard to do when you were taught to feel bad about sex, but I believe in you!!!) If they giggle, giggle with them and say yeah, isn't it funny? Or something to put them at ease with it... give them a book that speaks about sexuality, their bodies, changes they will go through, masturbation as something totally normal & fine, but private for just them, as well as their body. Try to go for education vibes, but in a fun way. I've had 4 kids now, have had the talk with them all, & it's usually quite funny & bonding once they open up &ask you all the burning questions they've always wanted to ask someone!
According to Parent Circle, a new parenting trend that emerged during the pandemic has to do with dads. Turns out they too had an opportunity to rethink work-life balance, made better use of the situation and established a new approach to parenting. The extra family time was not just rewarding but also an eye-opener for the men regarding the responsibility of childcare and household work. Prior to the pandemic, mothers were taking on the biggest share of those responsibilities.
A study run by the scholars of the University of Utah, Ball State University and the University of Texas showed that the number of couples who split childcare duties rose to 56% during the pandemic in the US. The percentage was only 45% before the pandemic hit.
#5
All of the "wine mom" merch, down to shirts for children that say horrible things like: "I'm the reason Mommy drinks"
Like, dress it up as much as you want, but "alchololism" isn't cute, as much as you want to convince yourself of it. Let alone, clothing for your CHILD who didn't ask to be born, to be treated like their existence is a burden to you. I've seen stuff like this in the kids section, from infancy to middle school sizes.
That's a trauma trifecta right there.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
It is sad and concerning how much normalized is being an alcoholic. Its very obvious in TV and movies; everytime the main character (or a friend) has a rough patch the only solution is to get wasted. I am sorry but having a bottle of wiskey in your working desk or drinking every day is not cool is an adiction that should not be encouraged.
AJ 3 years ago (edited)
It may not be cool but it is a way a lot of people cope in real life and if it's a show about a law enforcement officer or first responder or veteran or someone who has suffered trauma then it would absolutely make sense for them to drink. And of course I'm not advocating for that method but it's not about being cool. It's the only way a lot of people see to drown out the suffering. If I tried that it would demolish my other kidney so no alcohol for me. I use music and meditation and reading to fight my depression or "rough patch." But as I said, not everyone sees another way out. Edit: Sorry for the preaching or talking at you. Not my intent at all, just sharing my thoughts.
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MellonCollie 3 years ago
I include the "wine mom" memes in this as well. Once is funny, a million times is dumb, and I also think it is justifying (latent) alcoholism.
deanna woods 3 years ago
This whole "wine mom" culture is just idiotic. If having kids is this hard for you, you shouldn't have kids. If you have to drink a lot of wine to get through the day, you aren't stressed out, you are an alcoholic.
Bj Burns 3 years ago
Çuz noone should ever do things that are hard for them?
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Adél Gáspár 3 years ago
Once I saw a kids pyjamas set in an asian market that read "the little p**nographer" I'm hoping instead of photographer they accidentally printed that word. I'm hoping.
Tobias the Tiger 3 years ago
I've heard that some countries where English isn't the main language may have random English words on clothing and whatnot because they think it looks cool (much like how some people like to get tattoos and shirts of random words in Japanese kanji), and that does occasionally result in some rather questionable designs on kids' clothing. That's probably what it is.
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Matt Hollis 3 years ago
Add to this shirts and jumpers that say things like 'little monster' or 'trouble'
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
i think its kinda bad with the whole im the reason mommy drinks because then its like saying your child is unwanted
Serena Jayne 3 years ago
As someone who tried to commit suicide at the age of 11 after being told my mothers alcoholism was my fault.. these “jokes” are NEVER funny.
yusha 3 years ago
and also, those girl onesies that say things like "sorry boys, daddy says i can't date till i'm 30" and stuff like that. it pisses me off that baby girls get that b******t while little boys get superheroes and rockstars. clothes shouldn't be gendered, especially not children's clothes.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
I think that it would really help kids if their clothes werent allowed to be separated into "girl" and "boy" sections (except underwear of course). Their bodies are the same until puberty and it just creates more sexism. Just give them clothes of different sizes and let them chose.
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Bardhi's Dad 3 years ago
I'm drinking a lot of beer, but not because of my son or of anyone else! I simply love beer... Some other drinks also, but mostly the beer 🍻
#6
When I was a teenager my parents took away the door to my room.
It's normal for teenagers to pull away from their parents, I guess this wasn't acceptable to her and she wanted to keep an eye on me at all times.
I still have severe issues relating back to this one action. This is after years of therapy and no contact.
To anyone considering this as some form of "punishment", Let me stop you right there. Nothing will get your child to disown you faster than not giving them privacy.
I think she got the idea from Dr.phil Useless c*nts, the both of them.
Kriti Avantika 3 years ago
privacy is not a privilege it is a necessity that everyone deserves
Rose Golden 3 years ago
Ngl, I saw the first part, got mad, saw the second part and calmed down
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Roxy Eastland 3 years ago
This is a specifically American thing and I did wonder where it come from. Hanging doors properly is really hard, so no sane Brit would take one off unless there was a much better reason than humiliating your teenager.
Babsevs 3 years ago
From the UK too...didn't know this was even a thing until I saw some posts form USA about it! Invasion of privacy is not ok, don't care what age your kids are. My doors only ever changing me off for painting/changing hardware etc.....
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Bacony Cakes 3 years ago
more like dr. phill his body with lead and kick him into the hudson river
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Wistiti 3 years ago
Privacy is important and that children should learn early on that they deserve it. I knock on my 9's door, whether its open or close.
Louloubelle 3 years ago
You're a parent doing it right. We had 5 kids growing up, and my mother NEVER walked into our rooms without knocking.
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Sofie 3 years ago
This happened to me too, it was so humiliating. I can see why mom did that, since I was seriously suicidal, but it only felt worse after she did that. I wish mom would have just showered me with love, that would have helped me and our relationships. Just comforting me by saying nice things and hug me, be soft with me when I was going through hell. Not punishing me while going through hell. I will never forget this. What did help was therapy and medication. I'm also a Mother of 2 now and will never, ever put them through what my mom did to me. I was raised to be obedient and still find myself worrying about what mom will think/say of me though it has gotten better. She wanted to have a well behaved daughter, and I was that. Sadly I didn't and still don't feel loved by her because of this. Don't be hard on people having a hard time if you want to help them.
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
I'm glad it sounds like you're doing much better. Sorry I'm sure it still hurts
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John L 3 years ago
My father forbade me from locking my door. I could understand this, except the reason I started locking it was that he would refuse to knock. His house. He kept wondering why, till his dying day, why I refused to visit and left at 17.
lenka 3 years ago
We don't let the kids lock their doors either for fire safety reasons but we do knock. I hope I never break their trust in such as way as to make them feel like they need to lock their doors and leave home :(
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
I would never even consider doing this to any of my kids, everyone deserves privacy.
Jo Choto 3 years ago
I remember reading a post about a girl whose mother did that, so she just went about naked all the time until the mother put the door back on because she didn't want her own boyfriend looking at the daughter naked. (The boyfriend was a good guy and did everything possible not to look at the daughter. The mother was the problem, not him.)
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
This is so first world problem. I grew up in poor country in Asia, I didn't even had my own room.
Paula Marowsky 3 years ago
So USA problem. Many children, teenagers in the real world don't have their own rooms... or the rooms have courtains, and no doors...and to many have no home at all. Most of these people strugle even to have a safe place to sleep...
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That thing where they pretend they got their kids a ps5 for example, the kids are freaking out with excitement, but then its just a ps5 box filled with books or something.
troufaki13 3 years ago
Why don't you just show children how to love books instead? Books are not a punishment or should be part of a prank
Ozacoter 3 years ago
Biggest red flag ever. If they care so much for the genitals of their baby its because they are going to raise her or him in a sexist manner. If they would treat them the same they would not celebrate the sex of the baby. Like who would make a "eye colour reveal party"? Then why doing it with genitals? Unless you are sexist and think that boys and girls are inherently different.
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Yoga Kitty 3 years ago (edited)
Pranks are mean. Always. Even if the victim can somehow laugh about it. I very, very strongly dislike the idea of being led on by others because it completely kills my trust. And no joke is worth having me question your honesty from then on until the end of time.
Linouchka 3 years ago
My thought exactly. Parents constantly pranking their kid and then, ten years later, wondering why said kid doesn't trust them... 🤔
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Susie Elle 3 years ago
I always hope it's the type of prank where they removed the PS5 and replaced it with books, to have a laugh and then give the PS5 anyway.
Marco Conti 3 years ago
People do that? Without at least having the PS5 hidden in another room for a (cruel) laugh? Monsters. I played some jokes on my daughter when she was growing up, but this is just cruel.
Louloubelle 3 years ago
Not a fan of most pranks. Don't get me wrong, I've got a pretty good sense of humor, but this type of thing is simply bullying. If someone is upset at the end of the prank, it's not funny.
JennaMae 3 years ago
You would think the parents would be able to determine whether their kid would find it funny or not... like i know some pranks arents funny to my daughter, but my son and other daughter would laugh if they were pranked...
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Remi Flynne 3 years ago
Me neither. Really stupid thing to do to children.
Load More Replies...No wonder so many parenting tactics and trends are so controversial. Not only do parents argue among themselves over who’s right in adopting the best method to raise their kids, childfree people are often equally opinionated. But whatever parenting method mom and dads would choose, we like to think they all know what’s best for their kids. But is it really true?
Well, to find out, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified life coach who runs The Quiet Zone Coaching. Susan is helping those who struggle with stress find relief, manage their fears, and build self-confidence so they can wake up happy in the morning. “As our children grow, they slowly start to separate from us,” she told us. “From the 'Terrible Twos' to the pains of adolescence, the purpose of the journey is to teach our kids how to be independent, happy, and healthy adults who give something to the world around them.”
#8
I don’t know how much of a trend it was but on TikTok, there was a trend of parents throwing away their kid's art in front of them and the parents would like laugh while the kid was sobbing.
That’s f**ked up! Of course, you can’t keep every artwork your kid makes but you throw it away when they aren’t home or asleep. My mom used to wait until I was asleep and throw it away in the outside can
The kids I babysit their parents ask me to take their art they do with me so it doesn’t pile up but I tell them I’m keeping it because it’s so good
There’s no reason to make your kid feel like they aren’t a good artist or just feel like their parents don’t care for some TikTok views
Arieke 3 years ago
Who does that? Seriously......my child knows I can't keep everything but I have terabyte full of photo's you know........
Sapna Sarfare 3 years ago
Was going to say the same thing... Am glad Tiktok is banned in India... It's a nuisance
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Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
Who the f**k would do that to their kids? That's disgusting. They don't deserve to have children.
Frances M 3 years ago
I literally have boxes of my kids art, and their name and date is on the back of most of the pages.
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I don't even have kids, but I have a leaver arch folder of laminated artwork from children I babysat, siblings, and children I taught! (Though their was one girl I babysat when she was 4 and she made me at least 20 pictures a day, so I had to choose which ones I liked best, otherwise I would run out of space very quickly!)
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K Witmer 3 years ago
I have a box I got to sort greeting cards I put all my daughters artwork in there. She's 19 and I still hang up all the pictures and crafts she made in elementary school that's Christmas themed on the holidays. I tape them up to a huge 90 yr old mirror I inherited. I treasure them.
Madhavi Manjarawala 3 years ago
So do I.. my favorite is the one my kid drew with tiny hearts for mother's day. It is stuck on my bedside. Other drawings are in a drawer neatly placed and some extremely lovey dovey drawings on walls are stored in Google photos.
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Miss Marmite 3 years ago
this is one of the many reasons i don’t have tiktok. of course your child isn’t going to be a great artist at 3 years old, but throwing it away is so harsh on them, especially if they did the drawing for their parents.
SayRay 3 years ago
I actually did keep every piece of artwork from my daughter. It is all in 2 bins, and organized in files by the years. One day she'll get to go through them and see how her art progressed through her youth. (BTW, she is an AMAZING artist at 20 and impresses me more and more with each piece.)
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
That's fantastic! My mum tried to keep everything we did, but two large cardboard boxes were destroyed when rain got into our shed because my brother had been playing on the roof of it. Mum was not happy!
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Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago
Wtf 😝 they shouldn’t have kids man. I don’t have kids or like them too much, but I could never maliciously make one sad and especially with using a personal piece of art they hand crafted from the soul. That’s evil
#9
Making children hug people they are not comfortable with.
Mike Abdul Rexus 3 years ago
Thanks COVID for this... No more hugs or kissing hello or goodbye for everyone
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
No, this is a different issue. Kids shouldn't be forced to touch other people.
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Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
This. I hate it when that happens. I'm always surprised that people still do it. Also, it means so much more if a child hugs you spontaneously.
Bobby 3 years ago (edited)
You know not forcing your kid to give hugs makes them more special. My daughter only recently started opening up to men other than me and grandpa. My uncle got a hug and kiss from her for the first time on Xmas and it out tears in his eyes cause he's wanted one for 4 years but respected our choice to let her decide for herself who she does affection to
Memere 3 years ago (edited)
Yes! My grandson, who is a piece of my heart walking around outside my body, will sometimes give me a hug when I first see him (they live 1200 miles away from me), but if he doesn't want to give me a hug, I don't force it. Makes it much more special when he voluntarily gives me a hug!
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ChariotLee 3 years ago
Took me YEARS to explain to my parents that I do not like hugs. I can show affection just as well through a fist bump or a high five.
Savage Susan 3 years ago
I totally am against parents telling their children to hug ‘auntie’ or ‘uncle’. Some kids don’t want to be touched by certain people and as parents you should damn well pay attention to this and ask why.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
When I'm leaving my brother's house, I always say to my niece and nephew, "Hug or no hug today?" Sometimes the answer is "hug." Sometimes it's "no hug." And both answers are acceptable! Nor are my feelings hurt, because I'm an adult with the ability to regulate my own emotions, ffs.
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Yes, yes, YES. Always tell your children it is their RIGHT to refuse to be hugged, kissed, cheek pinched, etc, by anyone and that includes auntie obnoxious and grandma/grandpa as well. Always back them up on this as well. No one, not even your mom, has a right to touch your kids if they don't like it.
deanna woods 3 years ago (edited)
My parents didn't do this. They set boundaries with certain people.
#10
Letting the kid make all the choices. I believe kids should have reasonable choices, like what their snack is and the character that's on their bedspread, but you can't let your 3 year old decide when you're allowed to leave your house. The world doesn't work that way.
VM37 3 years ago (edited)
I read that you have to teach your child to make a decision, but limit their choices. Like per example, you let them pick out which pants to wear, but you cant let them wear summer dress or short in december.
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
My mum let me wear a summer dress in winter so I could test my theory that if you wore summer clothes in winter more sun would get to your skin and you'd be warmer, and opposite if you wore winter clothes in summer. Needless to say, my thesis was proven wrong, and I was not awarded a PhD. I was allowed to then dress appropriately.
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Deborah B 3 years ago
Kids should get choices, the parents have to give them the options. "We need to get in the car right now, or we're going to be late! Do you want to walk, or do you want me to carry you?" or "We eat veggies because they're healthy for us. Do you want carrots or peas or both?" "That's not happening. Your choices are apple, or banana, or nothing. Do you want to choose, or do I get to choose for you?" "I know, needles are owch, and it sucks that you need to get a shot. You're being so brave! Look, they have frozen bandaids; which bandaid do you want to get?"
InfectedVoice 3 years ago
Kids need boundaries and guidelines, that is literally a parents job, yes you can have Batman on your bedspread but it's not reasonable to eat chocolate and gummi bears for every meal, as much as I like the idea of that too little person.
Babsevs 3 years ago
This is a thing?!?!? Didn't realise I was so out of touch with *modern* parenting. (I have 11 & 19 daughters)
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
You have 11 daughters and 19 daughters? So many!! *shocked face* (Joking)
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Savage Susan 3 years ago
If your child doesn’t learn limitations starting at a young age you’re going to have real problems in 10 years.
Grietjie Roos 1 year ago
Know someone who does that. Her child rules that house. She is seven and if she says no, it's no. Strict child obedient parents
Susan explained that if you're making all the decisions for your children, they're not learning how to make decisions for themselves. “You're not going to be around forever to advise and guide them; they have to learn to do it alone.”
“Let your kids have some control over things in their lives that are appropriate to their age. For example, even a 7-year-old can decide what they want to wear (as long as it's weather-appropriate and clean). The idea is to let them learn how the world works, how to interact with others, and how to make wise decisions,” Susan said and added that they'll never accomplish that if you make all their decisions for them.
#11
'My son/daughter is my best friend.'
No, they aren't. They have their own friends and have the agency to choose them for themselves. Over the course of a lifetime, they will have several 'best friends' but they will only have one father and mother.
Your job is to be a parent. You can't do that properly if you are trying to be a friend.
Yllix 3 years ago
My mom n dad became my best friends about a year after I left the house, they have been for years now ❤️
Glittery Panda 3 years ago
This I think is okay, but if they were raising you and didn’t set any boundaries because you are best friends, that wouldn’t be great.
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Justine Queequag 3 years ago
Disagree my dad is my best friend, i always felt that I could tell him or discuss anything especially when it came to relationships, just because you're a kid doesn't mean that you cant be seen as an equal, you can still set boundaries, that is how you gain respect as an authority figure, not fear, intimidation, but love and respect
Bobby 3 years ago
You can be friends with your kids but you have to be able to take the friend hat off and put the parent one on when it is warranted. Sounds like your dad knew how to do this. Most people who say things like this don't know how to do that
Load More Replies... Bardhi's Dad 3 years ago
I'm 60 and my son (26) is now my best friend. I'm talking about now, not for the time he was kiddo. I know I'm not his best friend and I don't want to be (he have to have more closer friends his age, I know that!), but he is mine bestie, for sure.
ToGo 3 years ago
I think as long as they're using the term 'best friend' to describe how close they are and how open communication etc is then that's a wonderful thing. The only issue, in my humble opinion, is when the parent forgets or ignores the actual parenting part. Friends are on a level playing field, parent and child are not. Respect should be there from both parties but the parent has to be more responsible for the child has much to learn from the parent.
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
My mom became my best friend when I was 40, right after my dad died. Best 10 years of my life.
TheReader19 3 years ago
Sorry but I really hate this; but not as much as "me and my daughter are like sisters"
Kate Jones 3 years ago
I like that my mom was my friend, but I agree that it did cause me a lot of problems. There's nothing wrong with being close but I feel like she was totally inappropriate with me as a younger kid. As soon as I was like 11 she would talk to me like I was one of her friends (she didn't really have any so I think that was part of the problem). I knew about my parents sex lives, personal issues and things I really shouldn't have dealt with. And it also made me respect her less as my parent. I was a really good kid who hung out in my room a lot so I didn't really need to be punished for anything, but if I had, I wouldn't have taken it seriously from her. We also worked together for a while so that made it worse. There was no escape. Now we're actually way less close. I love her still and we talk sometimes but I'm still her therapist, you know? I've been her shrink since I was 11. Even when I need to talk to her, she always turns it around to her own issues. I kind of don't bother anymore.
Carrie de Luka 3 years ago
This is exactly what they mean, treating a child as a friend. All those saying they disagree and that they are best friends, no. They mean this kind of thing. What others are describing is a very close loving relationship with their parent. As it should be in an ideal world. Once the child is an adult that is different usually. Sorry you have not had the best experience here.
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BarBeeGirl 3 years ago
This is my pet peeve. You're not their BFF. You're their GD parent. Act like it!
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
When they're children, obviously you're not friends. If you treat your children with dignity and respect, when they're adults, they'll want to be friends. My daughter and I have a fantastic friendship, because we treat each other as equals, since we're both adults.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
I think "best friend" is meant in a different context. It's about being there as a confidant, a mentor, a guide, someone they can turn to and be comfortable talking about anything. It's a delicate balance but not unachievable, and there are still rough patches. If you play it right, they'll still look up to you as an authoritarian and boss when needed, but also as someone to have fun with trust to go to when issues pop up in their life. You have to be clear on rules, communicate well and hold expectations. But there's nothing wrong with cuddling up to each other and having a laugh. When people notice the latter they automatically think that mom is trying to be a best friend to her kid even though they're just chilling because there's no need to lay down the law at that moment.
#12
Creating social media channels for your children where they proceed to upload videos and photos of their kids. Perfect place for pedophiles.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Well Today in this electronic age parents seem to ignore their kids or brag about them on every social media outlet there seems to be no middle ground. All these things can be hacked i know a fellow who knows how to get into your cameras around the house! All this electronic media can be gotten into! But advertising you life is extremely stupid. Got friends who post when and where they are going on vacation etc.
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Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago
Yeah I follow a 13 (well it’s been a while so she may be 15 now) ye old belly dancer on Instagram and some of the comments are foul, like I just want to admire the talent and costumes of this young belly dancer, and then gross men go and write gross stuff everywhere, hate to see their inboxes. Profile even states ‘run by my mum’
Number 5 3 years ago
It isn't just pedos that are a problem. Usually the parents who do this become obsessed with views and it can lead to child abuse both physically and emotionally. Remember how Daddy O Five was a huge success on YouTube because he encouraged the kids to beat the tar out of each other and especially abused the little boy who I think was named Cody?
Michael Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
It was Cody. That truck nut havin, sunglasses on the back of his neck, phone on a belt clip jackass should never have been allowed to try to raise more of him. He used to be on videos complaining about his lack of privacy 😳
Load More Replies... Charlie grace 3 years ago
Some 'influencers' create instagram accounts as soon as they have their baby, and proceed to Photoshop images of their child?! Wtf?! Gross
J.A. Rogers 3 years ago
Specifically, "family vlogs," which by comparison make the stage mothers on "Toddlers & Tiaras" look sane.
Tobias the Tiger 3 years ago
I remember seeing a screenshot of a video called "Reacting to Oliver's report card". Eww...
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#13
Parents who punish their kids for speaking up or otherwise explaining something, saying that they're "talking back". I honestly don't get why most parents refuse to admit they're not always right sometimes. Besides, what if their kid one day comes up to them and says another adult is touching them inappropriately?
WatermelonTheDutchie 3 years ago
i wouldnt. one time, a kid tried to strangle me at school, and later the same kid put his jacket over my head like he was kidnapping me (all as a "joke" of course). happened almost four years ago and i only just told her
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Trisha Howson 3 years ago
My dad use to this. And he would say it was disrespectful. I don't do that to my kids I want them to have their own ideas own opinion I want them to be able to stand up and say what they want to say. I think that is part of building their self. I have learned a lot from how my parents raised me what not to do and go from their. I'm shore my dad's parents might of done the same.
Ozacoter 3 years ago
My father was the same. Always with the "nobody respects me in this house" when he ment "you have opinions and tastes and that is not fine with me". He can never say that he is wrong. Once he was willing to let our dog be in such pain that he was trembling just to not admit that i was right and we needed to go to the vet. I was 15 and after fighting for like 1h I took my vallet and the dog and took him to the vet. He had a terrible food poisoning. My father instead of apologizing gave me a huge yell about "how did i dare to scape from home" and even years later talked about how "i scaped".
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Marco Hub-Dub 3 years ago (edited)
I was called a smart Alec and treated that way specifically by my aunts and uncles. My parents hated that they were stifling me. No, I wasn’t speaking out of turn nor being difficult. I simply corrected their ignorance and idiocy when I knew they were wrong. Incorrect or not, their egos felt it was too much to be corrected or rebuked by a child. I’m not a genius, but they were/are serious idiots.
Liseliz Rodriguez 3 years ago
Theres a time to correct others and a time to shut up. Just because your smarter than everyone else does not give you the right to continue to point it out. Sometimes you just have to let people believe their lies. No one wants to be around a child who just wants to correct everyone all the time. Cant even have a conversation, watch a movie or show because "thats wrong" or "that cant actually happen" My brother is like that. No one can stay around him for more than 4 minutes without wanting to punch him in the throat.
Load More Replies... Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago
I had this, and it does greatly affect your ability to speak up over anything. You know your opinion or ‘excuse’ is going to be taken with mocking and disbelief so you just don’t bother anymore
Jo Choto 3 years ago
And that's exactly how I became a child sexual abuse victim, because I was seen, but not allowed to be heard.
Michael Sanders 3 years ago (edited)
That’s terrible. I feel sorry for you. As an offer I recommend the app Sanvello. It is a supportive app that not only checks on you everyday and gives some recommendations to help, but the reason I recommend to you is they have a AMAZING forums about every possible issue. You can find anything for anything. It is also completely anonymous. You have a place where you can just vent anything that troubles you and you will always find support. Sometimes people comment with support and suggestions (I do occasionally), but a lot of the time it is a forum to just release the stress. I honestly recommend this to you and everyone else that has something they want to get through. -FYI- I do not work for Sanvello, I just really like it. I live alone for now and it is nice for even my phone to check on me. 🙂
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lemon 3 years ago
"Stop talking back to me."= I don't want to hear your side of the story. "Because i said so"= I don't have a valid reason why.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I didn't/ don't keep my children from saying what they want to say but "because I said so" means that I don't have to come up with a reason that my child is willing to accept to make a decision. It means we're done arguing.
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Immortal Emperor Paradox 3 years ago
This is because the adult sees this as a challenge to his/her authority. They are the King, the provider, and the child is the subject, the dependent. So how dare the puny subject talks back to the almighty King?
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
My dad used to try to control everything that I did and said even into adulthood. He would tell me that he is the KING of his castle. I told him that if he keeps going like that then he'll be the king of an empty castle. That's what happened.
Load More Replies... Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
yeah, a lot of parents need to know the difference. You need to know when your kid is talking back and being defiant and when they are just expressing themselves.
Susan argues that when people feel their lives are out of control (even teens), they will get super stressed out trying to find something they CAN control. So she invited parents to stop and ask themselves, “is that what you want for your kids?”
#14
Oh man, I’m a nanny and work in daycare. I can talk so much about this.
One is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re 2.5-3 and knock it out. Some take longer, some are probably ready earlier. Better than rushing it and causing issues.
What this has turned into. Not potty training. I nanny a 4 year old that is still in pull ups. She is more than capable of using the potty.
Our 4 year old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many 4 year olds are starting preschool in diapers.
My best friend who is a Kindergarten teacher had 2 kids start kindergarten in diapers. Luckily they’re potty trained now.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
My son wasn't toilet trained until almost 5 and that wasn't due to lack of trying. My friends daughter was still wearing pull ups to bed at the age of 8 and again that wasn't through lack of trying. Some kids have developmental issues that make things a bit harder or takes them longer to learn.
John L 3 years ago
Yeah, but I think there is a difference between developmental issues and parents just being lazy gits.
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SusanS 3 years ago
Many places have rules in place that the child must be potty trained to attend. Some even have rules that say if your child has a messy mistake the parent must come to attend to the matter. I completely agree with these rules. Day care doesn't take over your job as parent.
Erin Mitchell 3 years ago
wait how do they expect parents to come in to clean up their child? Are the parents expected to leave work? Are the kids supposed to be dirty until the parents can come get them? Im honestly so confused as to how this is supposed to work.
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Nikole Landelius 3 years ago
As the parent of a special needs child, potty training was a real struggle. He was not fully potty trained until around 9 or 10. I would not wish this upon anyone, why would you purposely make this choice if you child has the ability? I would have done just about anything not to have to go through that, have people judge him and also me as a parent.
Cindy Martin 3 years ago
My heart goes out to you, Nicole. My niece is on the spectrum and almost entirely non-verbal. She is 7 and only just adapting with pull-ups. It has been so tough on her (she gets so frustrated) and her parents. I am glad your son reached that milestone; I bet your family team felt so accomplished!
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VM37 3 years ago
In my Country there are daycare groups in kindergarden for 1 till 3 YO. They can be in nappies. When thy transision to older groups for 3+ years the need to be potytrained. The kindergarden wont inrolle a child od 3 of more years if he weares a dipper. Of course, children with special needs are an exeption.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
I hate this!!! I remember schools refusing to admit kids to kindergarten if they weren't potty trained. I agree that 2 years old is probably a good starting point but come on... people are saying they are allowing their kids to let them know when they are ready. Kids not only have lack the knowledge or experience to decide this, but they also are lazy and don't want to do it. This trend is stupid!!!!
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
i had to self teach myself how to be potty train because i wore daipers until i was 7 because no one wanted to train me, but luckily i stopped wetting the bed at age 8
C Webby 3 years ago
The expense! Why would you do this to yourself and your kids. As kids grow and their diets change this is really not good for their skin or hygiene. Is this about the child or the adult.. still having a baby. This is a very suspect move by a parent. I’m not talking about throughout the night, but whilst the child is awake this is essential this is taught to children. I’ve taught teenage boys that ‘leak’ poo because they’ve never been taught to understand their bodies sensations. Teach your kids how to go to the toilet. Not doing this is tantamount to abuse.
Memere 3 years ago (edited)
I can see why some kids might have physical/medical issues with it, but not so many to the point of needing to keep a diaper genie in the classroom. My son was stubborn about potty training, & one day I ran out of diapers. I made him put on a pair of training pants (we had already been using them off & on), and he threw a temper tantrum. I told him 1) there were no more diapers, & 2) I didn't have the money to buy any, & 3) lunch was on the table, I was hungry, & when he decided to quit pitching a fit, he could pull up the pants & come to the table. I walked out. 5 minutes later, he was at the table ready to eat. That was the end of the diapers.
#15
The “bulldozer” parent - ie the parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem solving, failure (sometimes you can try hard and still not get the reward) and learning from mistakes - unless the goal is to develop a highly anxious person - then, being a bulldozer parent is great.
Elsker 3 years ago
Heard something like this called curling parents. Love the phrase, the behavior bot so much
Faith Hurst-Bilinski 3 years ago
This is the worst. So many kids never learn to deal with anything. Your kid can be upset. Your kid can be unhappy. Your kid can be uncomfortable. Not everything needs to be shielded from them and someone isn't a villain for telling them "no".
Zophra 3 years ago
As a teacher, I have had parents fight for why their child's homework should be allowed late, why they shouldn't have to take the test... why they can't do the reading...how it's not their child's fault nothing is getting done. To clarify, this is not about extended time for learning disabilities or something hard happening at home that calls for a grace period. No, as a teacher of 15-18 year olds in advanced classes, I get parents saying with all sincerity: "It's taking a while to get my son to do it because of video games" "She doesn't want to do it - is there something easier?" "She just doesn't like to read - can you read it to her?" "I need you to remind my son to do his homework every night. Can I give you his cell number?" It is very frustrating because I know these parents truly love their children, but aren't preparing them for responsibility and reality.
Heather Taylor 3 years ago
I still maintain this is why my ex died. He had never come up against real adversity a day in his life. So when he accidentally got hooked on painkillers through no fault of his own, it ended up taking him in the end. Please. Let your child stumble. Let them make mistakes. Let them cry. Let them learn. Being there to talk or hold them when they're sad is perfectly OK, but making sure to move everything out of their way so they never make mistakes is the 2nd surest way to weaken your child. I used to be angry at him. But once it dawned on me, my heart broke for him. None of it was his fault.
Immortal Emperor Paradox 3 years ago
Ah yes. My parents were like this. My only task was to study, because I would just be able to pay for stuff I can't do later, right? Unfortunately, the world doesn't work that way. In short, the 'growing up' experience was damn bad.
Cynthia Bonville 3 years ago
They're the same parents who think they taught their kid to walk. The thing is, for kids to succeed kids need to struggle - they will seek it out fortunately, struggle and success/triumph through persistence.
P. Mozzani 3 years ago
I know of a couple, who "bought" their son's way out of a felony conviction. The charges were pretty serious. They did him no favors. A close relative "rescued" her 28 y.o. son, after his 2nd DUI arrest. He lost his license, for a time (it should be forever) and they let him move home, so that his 18 y.o. sister could take him to work and pick him up from work, every day. The way that we learn is by facing the consequences of our choices and our behavior. Such parents are ruining their child's chance of being self-reliant and responsible.
Danielle Schaefer-singleton 3 years ago
Really? Potty training.. pacifiers, bottles... all have to be obstacles to let go of...do this kids not fall while riding a bike either?? Reality check.Life is messy.Thats how you LEARN to clean up
Elizabeth Line 3 years ago
This was kinda my parents...but the bullies taught me all that stuff and their actions and the actions of the teaching staff at my schools are why I am an anxious person. The bullies taught me that EVERYONE is out to hurt me no matter how hard I keep my head down and don't give them fodder. They will absolutely hurt me physically and mentally with no remorse. And the school staff will let me be bullied and injured and blame me for it. Even had a Vice Principle threaten me with expulsion, blacklisting so I can never get an education, and calling CPS to take me from my parents if he heard about people bullying me again because it was OBVIOUSLY my fault. This led to end or year being trapped in the hospital for 4 hours with PH straps being shoved under my eyeball repeatedly. And then the cherry on top. The cops made me feel like s**t so they didn't have to arrest the kid who did it for assault...telling me his life would be RUINED forever if I filed and kids would be kids.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I don't know whether I'm a bulldozer parent. When my child was bullied, I was all over the school over it until they made it stop. In middle school, a school counselor asked my daughter what she did to cause herself to be bullied. I yanked (verbally) the principal out of a meeting and demanded that this staff member NEVER speak to my child again. Ever. I hope your parents defended you but it sounds like they were unsuccessful. This is the kind of thing that I think about when I read these other comments. People like us who were traumatized, in one way or another, as children. A mother who will make damn sure that her children are not facing adult problems when they're still children.
Load More Replies... #16
Abusing the talents of your child just to boost your self image in society
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
Lot lot of parents do this. And think of how the child feels sometimes they don't want to do that sport but.....their parents make them. And it got to make them unhappy
Elizabeth Deighton 3 years ago
My Dad, although in a lot of ways a very loving man, had a blind spot when it came to sports and thought we should all be sporty. I hated games of cricket on the beach as I had poor hand eye coordination and he would laugh and say butter fingers. My brothers were 5 and 7 years younger then me so when I was a teenager and working, if I saw cricket bats being packed, I refused to go out with them.
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Lainie 3 years ago
Ugh, I've seen this behavior through my whole childhood. Parents who are making their kids go to ballet classes and piano lessons, when it's obvious that they are not always able to be ballet dancers or gymnasts. And they are not enjoying themselves. I always felt so bad for my lil friends when the teacher had to seriously talk to parents - and I knew that I will never see them again.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
Or similiarly when parents live vicariously through their kids as some sort of life 'do-over'. They weren't happy with their own lives so they try to force their kids to do all the things they wish they'd done. Lots of celebrity kids deal with this. Pageant kid parents are the worst.
itzybitsy 1111 3 years ago
Not my parents, but my grandma forced me to learn the piano. My dad told her that I should decide but he recently got fired from his job so we were using my grandmas money at the time and there wasn’t anything we could do about it. At least now I can play Clair de lune lol
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
These are cases where children persevere in spite of their parents, not because of their parents and the parents have no right to take credit. Narcissistic parents are so terrible for a kids mental health.
#17
The social media trend that keeps upping the expectations for birthday parties and any celebration connected to a kid.
When I was a kid, birthdays consisted of a handmade invitation made by me, a cake from the grocery store, food that my Mom cooked and then inviting some friends and family over for games.
Today's expectation is that every monthversary and half-birthday consist of a huge arch of balloons that will end up in the trash, a customized three-tier fondant cake, gift wrapping that color-coordinates with the themed party favors and of course, a very intentional outfit for the numerous photo ops that will take up most of the day. Anything for the 'gram, right?
Don't even get me started on gender reveal announcements.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)
I was on a mums group and one of the mums was asking about what people did for their child's first birthday or christmas and some of the suggestions was insane. Like a 1 year old doesn't need a bouncy castle, farm animals etc. A 1 year old doesn't understand. For both my kids first birthdays AND christmases, they received necessities like clothing for the following year, shoes, bedding, 1 or 2 age appropriate toys and a couple of books. And definitely no birthday party. Just some family for coffee and cake with a store bought $5 chocolate mud cake. In saying all that, each to their own. If they want to waste their money then that is their choice.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
I made my daughter's 1st birthday cake. We had a few family and friends over. I'm glad she was too young to remember that dry, dense thing. Now I know not to over stir the batter.
Load More Replies... Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago (edited)
It’s pretty sad, although as a kids party entertainer. If you parents are gonna be dumb enough to fork out $250 for 45 mins of my awesome time for a 3rd birthday the kids will never remember, I’m not gonna complain 😂 and yes that is my rate and no one has complained.
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
I think that's a fair rate. It's bloody hard work!
Load More Replies... Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
Apparently I loved my first birthday! My parents sat me in my highchair, put the entire cake infront of me and I got to mush right into it. Both hands, sometimes up to my arms. Let me have a couple of fist fulls of cake and that was it. Hilarious pics!
Paul Davis 3 years ago
Stop being a lemming and letting commercials and other parents dictate that you should be doing destructively expensive things like that. Develop some sort of backbone.
Lara Verne 3 years ago
When I was kid, birthday party meant "kid will invite friends to their house, everyone will eat piece of cake, and then they will play."
Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago
This is what it should be ❤️ to many parties the kids are dictated to touch anything cos you know, later is photo time, so don’t touch the cupcakes or balloons children :(
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Donna Harris 3 years ago
For your birthday you get...your favourite meal, a nice gift, a cake made with love and who ever you want over to share it with..my boys are entering their thirties and that's what they still get..
arandomboredpanda 3 years ago (edited)
Yes, that does happen, my sister does that. But honestly, for my daughter (12 y-o) it is just simple decorations and a cake of her choosing, maximum of about 5 gifts, a few friends, and we don’t ask for presents from her friends, instead books to donate.
itzybitsy 1111 3 years ago
I had birthday parties up to when I was 10. Arts and crafts, cupcake decorating, and playing in the yard with the fun sprinkler thingies were what we usually do. When I was five, though, my dad decided to rent a water slide and I was so happy
#18
Allowing kids to constantly mess with pets, even when the pet is giving warnings that they'll attack soon. Parents, this is a pretty solid way to start teaching kids about consent from the get go.
Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago (edited)
And at wildlife parks, and aquariums, I’m constantly drilling parents about things like - your 5 yr ok’d just threw a live starfish from the touch pool - maybe teach your little s**t how to handle a delicate animal and maybe both bond over learning about the starfish. Don’t just sit on your damn phone and let your C. Goblins run anarchy in the touch pools. They aren’t stuffed animals they are living beings
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
They should be immediately tossed out on their tails for that! Abuse of a animal is unacceptable.
Load More Replies... Renita Fox 3 years ago
Then the dog is euthanized when it bites after giving plenty of warnings. The dog will pay with it’s life because of ignorance and carelessness on the parent’s part. It also never “come out of nowhere” like they will say after it bites.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago (edited)
Agree and disagree. Agree with the first part but the second? That can happen. I had a rescue dog that was severely abused. She was afraid of everyone but women. I was trying to teach her not to snarl at everyone that looked at her and ended up teaching her not to give any warning. So while she wasn't relaxed and happy as the other friendly, familiar dog sniffed my son... There was no warning as she took a chunk out of the other dog. Most people don't learn the subtle signs of animals. Most people think a tail wag means they're happy but you have to know the other cues to look for. That said, I had a 6 months old large puppy on a leash and a child approached her and got jumped on, which knocked the 6 year old down. Her mother accused my puppy of attacking her daughter. I said my dog's a baby and your child should not approach a leashed dog she didn't know.
Load More Replies... Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Never allow them to abuse an animal. If they learn it's okay to abuse an animal, that will lead to bullying behavior and worse as an adult. If you find your kid still abuses animals after being scolded and or physically punished, get them evaluated by a psychologist. NO, They will not grow out of it. Something is wrong and you need to find out what and how to treat it.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I totally agree with what you've said. I just want to add that even if animal abuse were not a warning sign that a person would escalate to further evil behavior... It would still be completely wrong to abuse animals.
Load More Replies... Kate Jones 3 years ago
YES. I'm so tired of pets being put down or abandoned because it behaved..like an animal. And I've seen very few times where the animal wasn't prevoked. It's rare for an animal to just randomly attack someone without any cause unless there is a major issue and that wouldn't be an adoptable pet. Pets are not playthings.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I agree but animals who have previously been provoked by a person wearing glasses doesn't necessarily need to be provoked by the next person wearing glasses. It maybe I should say that to an animal that has been abused, proximity to a person that reminds them of their abuser can be enough of a provokation to cause them to attack.
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Isayit Likitis 3 years ago
Teach your Children to treat Every living Creature with Respect. It makes me so angry when Parents allow or en encourage Children to abuse animals and I include allowing them to chase Birds in the Park, as a minor abuse. I've been around Animals all my life, have a Menagerie of Rescues of my own and do Rescue Foster Care. My Children and now my Grandchildren are taught from Babies to be caring with Animals. 1 of my Pet Peeves is people advertising Guinea Pigs, Hamsters, Mice etc as STARTER Pets for Kids. That just horrifies me to have people think they are Disposable if the Child Damages it or Kills it. They all have feelings and they all feel pain. Only get a Pet if you have taught your Child well and they are Mature enough to be responsible.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I agree except that last part. You can have a pet with a young child as long as you closely supervise them when they're together. That's where you begin to teach the child well that when doggy does this, that means no and we respect no.
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Iris Lambrechts 3 years ago
When parents bring their kids to see my animals ( i have goats,sheep, horses,ducks,chicken cats and dogs) i always tell them and the kids:" my animals are friendly but they are allowed to defend themself. If they don't want cuddles or attention leave them. Otherwise you will feel it." Always funny how some parents are completely shocked at that statement
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
That's great. I also hope that you teach the children what means what. For example, when my dog lays his ears back, he's upset. If he crouches low to the ground, he's not being friendly he's feeling threatened. I tell people that this particular dog needs for you to sit down and wait for him to come to you.
Load More Replies... Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago (edited)
my brother killed two of my moms rabbits and i no i had to whoop his ass yesterday from choking my cat like i heard meowing turn the corner to my brother choking it. i got so pissed and scared for my cat because my brother always ends up harming animals
MaggieWest 3 years ago
Or the parents will punish the dog for growling. A lot of people have this mindset that a "good" dog never growls, and that they need to rehome a dog that snaps at a little kid that was pestering it, stipulating that the dog can't go to a home with little kids. 🙄
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
This! I didn't want my rescue dog to scare everyone so I thought I was teaching her that aggression is not okay. That's not what she got from my lessons. She understood that warnings are not okay. From then on she'd bite without warning. Totally my fault. But it's true, she can't be left with kids. It's far too stressful on her to be around children.
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Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
When I was a little kid I kept teasing the very cranky family cat. I knew damn well what I was doing, and I kept doing it anyway because, well, I was a stupid kid and kids that age are always pushing it to see what they can get away with. Eventually the cat had had enough and scratched me in the face. I ran crying to my mother, who said "serves you right!", and an important lesson was learned that day.
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
(I should add that Mum kept telling me to quit pestering the cat, and I didn't listen).
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Tamra Stiffler 3 years ago
My husband and I had our son 16 years into our marriage, and before he came along, we had dogs and cats. They are very much part of our family, but we were told "once your baby comes along, that will change". Of course, it did NOT change, they were and are still a very important part of our family. We taught our son very early about being gentle and respectful to them, and all animals. It's an important life lesson.
#19
Not setting clear boundaries. You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit sooo much more from clear rules and consequences.
Haunting Spirit 3 years ago
Setting boundaries isn't normally the problem. Keeping the boundaries (by both parents) is.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Yes! Consistency is key. Not rigid and unbending consistency, because life is full of gray areas, but if you make a rule, or say you’re going to do something, then follow through with it.
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Frau von Düh 3 years ago
Consequences are often misunderstood as punishment - If you don't - then. You can raise kids completely without this. Its about connection.
zovjraar me 3 years ago
one thing i instituted with my nieces and nephew- if i say i will do something, i will do it. if you hit me one more time, i will stop playing with you. and i do it. if i say i will take you out shopping on x day, i will do it. i never promise or threaten anything that i won't carry out. the kids know what to expect and they know what's expected of them. i think that's why they like me so much. :)
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
See my post above. He remembers that and said he loves me for having done that with him.
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Laurie Goff 3 years ago
Children need boundaries, they are not born with them. When they push boundaries they are actually looking for a person to help them create them. When you show consistency in boundary setting you show children that you are safe because you are consistent, reliable, and fair.
Grietjie Roos 1 year ago
A friend doesn't want me to set boundaries with her child. I do not tolerate rudeness and do not like naughty children. One who tells you to shut up while he or she wants to talk. Keep that child at home
Diane Knight 3 years ago
As there is a level of safety. Children are scared of chaos and react poorly in those times.
Quentin ingulfumble 3 years ago
My little buddy is 5. Already smart enough that i dont have to give him many definite boundaries, just explain why its a bad idea.
#20
Not believing the teacher ever. “My kid never lies to me”.
Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kid’s biggest supporter. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don’t do the right thing.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
A kid is a kid, and kids will tell lies. Not to be malicious, but because their brain sometimes just goes 'which outcome will get me in the least amount of trouble?'.
Monday 3 years ago
and sometimes it's as simple as "what will happen if I lie?". That's what a lot of my lying was for when I was a kid, I was curious whether or not people would notice I wasn't telling the truth.
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Cat Monaghan 3 years ago
And please, dear God, STOP APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR KIDS' BEHAVIOR!!! If your 4-5 yo bumps someone because they just have to get in front, call them back and make THEM apologize. If you've taught them right and they are old enough to know better, you should use that moment to explain the reason for apologizing but NEVER do it for them!!!
Heather Taylor 3 years ago
BIG TIME. I don't understand parents who act like their children are perfect and without flaws. Every human ever born has flaws and that's OK. Kids have bad days, they mess up, but they should be held accountable when they've done something rotten.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago
I agree but a lot of people like to pretend that teachers are saints. Every human ever born has flaws, except Jesus, and that's okay. Teachers have bad days, they mess up and they lie as well and should be healed accountable when they've done something rotten.
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Diane Knight 3 years ago
With cameras in so many places these days, it's strange that they think that they can get away with it. Even when they are told that fact, it goes above their heads. Caller ID went above the pranksters heads. Crank call Hubby said "we have caller ID" so? "well I can callback at (their #), your folks might not like knowing you did this" the less brainy kids still didn't get it. The others ended the call real quick.
#21
Fake “Gentle Parenting”
You hear and see so many parents letting their children do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, rude or hurtful their behaviours are. Parents find themselves beholden to the whims of their childrens’ emotions in the name of gentle parenting, instead of true gentle parenting where (so I hear) boundaries are set alongside validating emotions.
troufaki13 3 years ago
THIS!! Life is full of boundaries, of no's, of not always getting what we want. Children MUST learn this
Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago
Kids who don't learn about boundaries now will certainly learn about boundaries in prison!
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Julie moreau quilliou 3 years ago
As a teacher I have seen some awful exemples of this, and as a mom I must say that sometimes I find the concept difficult to fully grasp and apply every day. Not saying I'm not trying
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Children who have no boundaries and aren’t taught how to get along in society grow up into adults with no boundaries who can’t get along in society. We usually put adults like that in some kind of institution for their antisocial behavior. Even though, mental issues aside, it could’ve been avoided if they’d been property taught.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
I have seen this and it more hurtful and cause a destructive child who has a bad attitude I'm not shore why some people do this cause it hurts them too.
Flash Henry 3 years ago
My older sister is finally beginning to see the long term results of this in her 17 year old daughter. She is not having an good time being a parent right now.
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
For a second, I thought you were my uncle. And then I read the post again, and realized that you're someone else with an older sister who has a 17 year old daughter who was raised nearly the mirror opposite to how I was XD.
Load More Replies... Marco Conti 3 years ago
I don't understand why it seems that parents are either strict disciplinarians or bordering on neglect letting their kids do whatever they want. Either way they are not doing their kids any favors.
Grietjie Roos 1 year ago
Gentle parenting where a child tell you in you face "f you" when he doesn't want to do something and you say I am so sorry for hurting your feelings. Hear that a lot from the neighbors
Marty Sunderland 3 years ago
I always cringed when I heard, "Now Suzy, you know that isn't appropriate behavior," because there was no follow up. Just let them abuse the animal, or destroy property, but remind them it's not appropriate. Sheesh.
#22
Pretending that not parenting is parenting.
'I wont tell my child to stop kicking your leg repeatedly because i don't want to crush his spirit!'
Hot-chocolate-under-a-Sequoia. 3 years ago (edited)
I've done this before. This 14-year-old kept elbowing me. I was 13 at the time and I asked his mother to tell him to stop and she replied with the age-old "Boys will be boys" Which is not an excuse to throw away human decency. I turned back to the teen and yelled my heart out at him. Apparently, I sound like a mother. He stopped. I don't think he had ever been yelled at by a girl before. Ha! Loser!
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Joybug 3 years ago
Have a friend like this, her 4yo was kicking our 4yo nephew in the shins. All mum was doing was asking him how he would feel if it was the other way around in the mean time he was physically hurting our nephew. My husband firmly said 'oi xxx, don't do that, you are hurting xxx' he stopped doing it and looked very sheepish. She didn't say anything but you could tell from the glare she wasn't impressed that someone had been firm with her baby.
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 3 years ago
Then every time your kid kicks me I'm going to slap you upside the head until you get it.
Monika Swanson 3 years ago
Not telling a child to stop kicking is telling them it is ok to hurt someone else and it is ok to be violent...where do they learn what is right and wrong if the parent does not teach them...the Jails are full of children who were not taught proper behavior as a child
Hannah Kirtley 3 years ago
"then ur ok with me kicking him back? i mean u wouldn't want to crush MY spirit right?"
David Windebank 3 years ago
My Godson had a habit of biting. He bit me on the toe. It hurt! I picked him up and, in front of his parents, bit his toe. Yes, I was probably wrong to do it but he never bit anyone else after that, his mother later told me.
#23
Not saying no to your child. They have to learn to deal with a no sometimes, and having a chat about why it is no and whether it could be a yes another time is also an important part of them learning to deal with no.
Paul C. 3 years ago
Life is often filled with failures, that is what makes success all the sweeter. I don't understand the "everyone is a winner" thing. All that does is make it more difficult to overcome disappointment later in life, such as not getting a job after an interview. I just don't get it.
eimipet 3 years ago
At my preschool (or so I’ve been told) they had a system where everyone was a winner in the biannual water fights, but the ‘big kids’ (kindergarteners, basically) got to have first, second, third. Basically, every kid can be a winner but having a separation between best and not the best is something ‘grown ups’ do.
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Sonia Bailey 3 years ago
I work in a school. It is very easy to spot those children whose parents never say no to them. They often end up behind in their learning because they won't fully paticipate.
Helen Haley 3 years ago
It always deserves an explanation. Unless you're aiming to raise a human who never questions authority.
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Cindy VanLerberg 3 years ago
At my workplace, we no longer can write "does not apply to ..." because a customer actually came up and said that the words "not" and "no" were offensive to her. A grown adult woman. So now we write "Excludes ..." I don't think that many of our customers know what "Excludes" means.
Kirsten Kohler 1 year ago
Yes we're raising entitled children doing that, my son once said why could I not be like normal mums why did I always have to explain why I said no - it's the only way to learn was my response, it is how you use the word no that's important, life is full of disappointments and things we may not agree with but if we fail to teach this to our children as parents on how to deal with life basically they will not be prepared for the real world
Salem Zinke 3 years ago
Had that problem for years after my father died and my mom just tried too hard. Now I'm a food addict and hoard toys into my early twenties. Not all her fault, but enabling bad behaviour due to not wanting to say no definitely started the ball rolling, so that when she wanted to stop she couldn't anymore.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
You cannot succeed with out failures that is how you learn to cope with problems!
Alethia Nyx 3 years ago
Yes! Say no, but also don't say because I said so, reasoning goes a long way to accepting the answer.
#24
Talking down to kids and making them feel stupid. Sure maybe at 5 they aren't the most intellectual people, but 9/10 year old are smarter then people give them credit for. Don't talk to then like they are stupid because they are not. The only thing that does is lower their self esteem and makes them feel small.
Helenium 3 years ago
Growing up I wastold I I was stupid and destructive. I wasn’t. I was taking radios and video players apart to see how they worked then put them back together. I wanted to be an engineer but girls have to work in offices. So I work in an office.
J. Normal 3 years ago
My mom told me to be a secretary ( 40yrs ago), She wanted to be a chemist, had the grades and the intelligence. Her father forced her to work as a secretary and get married as soon as possible ( to be a good woman). My father belittled/ bullied "I am only teasing" her enough to where she crawled in a bottle and stopped all forms of art and education.
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Kirsten Kerkhof 3 years ago
5-year-olds are pretty darn smart too. I love hearing about how my niece (who is 5) views the world. It is both very clever and slightly psychotic, and it's fantastic.
Wesley Lucas 3 years ago
I've never done this to my son and I never will. I grew up with a mom who constantly told us kids that "you will never be my equal" and that hurt. Even as adults she refuses to acknowledge that we are autonomous humans capable of making our own decisions and choices. So I wanted to do differently with my child. My husband and I have never used baby talk with him, we give him (limited) choices so that he's comfortable being decisive, we tell him we love him and how smart he is constantly, and we really try to make sure that he feels heard and validated. He's such a smart, wonderful kid who constantly impresses not just us but any adult with whom he speaks. I put a lot of his intelligence, both mental and emotional, down to the fact that we've encouraged him in this way for so long. Respect is a 2 way street, even with and sometimes ESPECIALLY with children.
arandomboredpanda 3 years ago (edited)
This is similar, my wife’s mother ALWAYS sends a Minnie Mouse or some 4 y-o cartoon-character card for her birthday and other occasions (my daughter is 12)
Wesley Lucas 3 years ago
Yeah, my husband and I have this issue with my MiL. She is always babying our son, buying him stuff that is years beneath his age range, always underestimating his understanding, etc. I know she means well and probably thinks she's "combating" our more progressive parenting but it can be frustrating to see.
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Memere 3 years ago
I heard that all the time growing up in the 60's, from my parents & my teachers. I always aced the classroom work & tests, just couldn't complete homework. Turns out I have ADHD, was diagnosed as an adult.
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RandomBeing 3 years ago
Treating your child with respect and acknowledging your childs concerns/problems/what they care about as real, legitimate, and valid (because while they may seem small to you they are VERY real to them) is one of the best things you can do. Children strongly gravitate and respect those who treat them with respect like anybody else. Make sure you provide this for your child or they will get it from whatever (possibly not so good) source offers it to them.
Theresa Walker 3 years ago
This was my problem as a child. My father mostly insulted us, making us short on self-esteem. Today, I still have issues, but they never interfered with my life after walking away from him, so I never felt the need for 'therapy'.
Theresa Walker 3 years ago
In fact, my father's favorite expression was "You'll never amount to a hill of beans."
Load More Replies... #25
Saying “what goes on in this house, stays in this house.” I know hundreds of victims of abuse, go through years of pain because of this phrase.
Julie C Rose 3 years ago
I mean, that’s part of how abuse works. Abusers aren’t going to say “feel free to tell everyone that I’m beating the s**t out of you”, you know?
JennaMae 3 years ago
I did not grow up in a home of abuse, but we definately had / have a definition of family business... and family business stays in the home... it is a form or pride.. for my family we simply didnt have alot and didnt want the world to judge that we couldnt afford the newest this or that.. lol or if my 8yo bro wet the bed... family business.. firm definitions tho
Brandon Francey 3 years ago
Context is important. There is absolutely a limit of what people should share. Money maters are no one else's business and kids don't fully understand the adult world either. "daddy has to go to jail" can be a misunderstanding of a jury duty summons. You don't know how kids are repeating things.
Marion Goriak 3 years ago
Hush, the neighbours will hear! That's how I learned that the neighbours meant so much more than I did to my mom.
Mattewis88 3 years ago
What that phrase usually means is: Don't tell people we don't have food, can't pay bills, utilities cut off again. (In our house anyway) Not shut up about abuse.
Angela Philp 3 years ago
my parents told me 'family is about keeping secrets' and I felt stupid for so long after I realized what that meant at what was going on, not that it was my fault at all. But yeah, this is a really dangerous one
#26
Making your child terrified to fail. I remember constantly being told if I ever even got a “C” or below— on even something as minor as a pop quiz— I would be “flipping burgers for a living.” I was so unmotivated to even try by the time high school came, because it had been drilled into me that I was destined to be a loser.
Iseefractals 3 years ago
That's what you're supposed to do when your kids are f*****g up, as opposed to the parenting of today when everyone gets a participation trophy simply for existing, and praised for getting a D. I mean, were their parents even wrong? Most of America's youth seems determined to make working retail/fast food a career.
Load More Replies... MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
It's, like, a popular first job that's egged on us the moment we reach the age we can legally work. So, for parents to threaten us to pull up grades or we'll be flipping burgers, would that mean we won't have to get a job? eh?eh? LOL
Load More Replies... Sonia Bailey 3 years ago
I hate this - I praise kids for their effort, even when they get it wrong, I try to teach them that we learn from our failures. It makes the eventual success even more sweeter!
Rose the Cook 3 years ago
School grades were never a problem for me. However, with my mother it was never being allowed to try anything or take part in any activity. Her reason was that I would never be any good at it because my father's family were all useless (untrue) and I would embarrass her.
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
💔 I felt this in my core. Right down to the the family being useless. My mom used to call it the (My last name) disease. Sounds like you're able to identify how bad you were treated and I hope you're in a much better place now.
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AveryArt 3 years ago
I had such perfectionist issues at a young age because my mother held me to super high standards. I got my first B in the third grade and I came home bawling because I thought I was going to be punished. It was completely fine, but I quite honestly thought I was going to get in big trouble.
oddly_informed_raven 3 years ago
me too! I still get worried when I dip into the low 90s. My mom went ballistic when my brother had a B average in one class. ONE class.
Load More Replies... MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Too much emphasis on the grade than the content of the work. Do parents even look at how their kid did the work? Maybe they weren't showing how they went through the sums of an equation or made too many spelling errors. Perhaps they're having a hard time memorizing and comprehending the subject. Or it could be it's not interesting enough for them to maintain focus. It's lazy parenting to just look at a grade and lecture the kid to "do better".
P.A.B. 3 years ago
Children might not do what you say, but they “hear”. One time, when a friend of mine was in elementary school, her mom bought her a new cardigan and told her that if she lost the sweater, don’t come home. Well, R lost her sweater. Her parents searched for her when she didn’t come home after school, and they found her at school an hour later. Her mom asked why she didn’t come home; she reminded the mom of what she’d said that morning: if she lose this sweater, don’t come home, so she didn’t. She took what her mom said, literally. What we say matters.
Hermitbunny 3 years ago (edited)
Burger flippers have the power to make or break someone's day. I think a lot of us have a story about having a terrible day until you got that perfect pizza or taco. Or the no good bad day that peaked with an awful drive thru meal
Emily Jurecki 3 years ago
I remember being so disheartened at one point because I was so proud that I got all A's and B's. My mom was not impressed because I had more B's than A's. I just wanted a moment to celebrate that I had done well even if it wasn't perfect.
#27
Nonstop supervision. Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?
Number 5 3 years ago (edited)
My mom prevented me from having friends because of this. I was a kid when cellphones were just starting to be an item everyone had and my household hadn't picked up the trend yet. My mom tried to keep me inside as much as possible otherwise, with every move I made outside, I was expected to run home and tell her where I was going in the neighborhood. This wasn't realistic and no kid wanted to waste time constantly running/biking to my house with me to tell her I'd be at X, then Y, then Z. We're not talking about being extremely far away from home; just within the confines of the neighborhood. Kids were starting to ditch me so I decided to not tell her once. My mom had been secretly checking up on me all this time and called the police when I wasn't where I said I'd be. That was basically the end of my friendships as a kid unless they wanted to play indoors at my house.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Because parents get accused of neglecting our kids if we leave them alone, even in a play area, for more than second. That's what needs to end. The trend of calling CPS whenever a parents gives a kid a bit of freedom and independence.
Annamagelic 3 years ago
Parents really can't win on this one. If we do let our children out of sight for even a second we are accused of being horrible terrible neglectful parents who don't deserve our children.
Erin Mitchell 3 years ago
Bc nowadays people wont hesitate to get cps involved over every little thing. but yet somehow cps isnt involved nearly enough (if at all) for the kids that truly need it.
Michael Sanders 3 years ago
Kids don’t to get do as much on their own anymore. What happened to just needing to be home when the street lights came on. George Carlin called it child worship and had a good bit “Even the simple act of playing has been taken away from children, and put on mommy's schedule in the form of "play dates". Something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned. When does a kid ever get to sit in the yard with a stick anymore? You know? Just sit there with a f***ing stick. Do today's kids even know what a stick is? You sit in the yard with a f***ing stick... and you dig a f***ing hole. You know? And you look at the hole, and you look at the stick... and you have a little fun. But kids don't have sticks anymore. I don't think there are any sticks left; I think they've all be recalled because of lead paint!”
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago (edited)
Loved that man. Honesty in no uncertain terms. And he's right. We used something called "imagination" while we were playing with the stick, and you never know what you might find. Boys had the best toys back then with great, solidly made small "construction" toys. I preferred playing "boy's stuff" like that. Get out the toy bulldozer, dump truck, and away we go!
Load More Replies... Dianellian 3 years ago
We had invited my sons pre-school class to his birthday party. One of the mothers turned up with all 4 of her children saying ‘we decided when they were born they are never left anywhere without us there.’ Wish she’d told me when she rsvp’d.
J. Normal 3 years ago
What happened... Child protective services, found a much easier target. Protecting the children from the abuse and neglect of poverty is hard. BUT proscecuting the parents who let their kid ride a bike around the block ALONE, is a cake walk. The FB parent mindset of BEWARE OF STRANGER DANGER... is fcking the kids up.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Abuse and neglect is not solely to do with poverty. Child abuse and neglect can happen no matter the wealth class.
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Summer Mason 3 years ago
Okay I'm not a helicopter mom. But I have a very abusive narcissistic ex and his mom is bat s**t crazy. My daughter one time went to them with a black eye cause she ran into the door. Literally ran into the f*****g door. That's it. I spent six months getting my daughter returned back to me in the court because of this. So yeah.... sometimes parents helicopter because of situations like this. And yes I'm currently working on trying to get them out of her life for good.
Becca Hauck 3 years ago (edited)
That sounds a lot like what I went through 20 years ago. I didn't lose my kids but it was a near thing. Courts and CPS worried that I took my eye off her for 2 minutes while washing dishes and she had an accident but less so about all the abuse that ex and parents perpetrated.
Load More Replies... Cass Malone 3 years ago
This is difficult with an autistic child. Actually a lot of these are difficult to not do with special needs kids
Celesta 3 years ago
One thing that has changed is having access to information like exactly how many s*x offenders are in your immediate vicinity. Being aware of potential threats/dangers changes your outlook on perceived harmless things like "riding around the neighborhood" when you know there are half a dozen predators within a mile.
#28
always letting kids win/do what they want, its unfair on older siblings because i get given chores and my little sister gets to sit about doing nothing and getting whatever she wants completely free
A Jones 3 years ago
That's true, also how to be a good sport with losses/wins.
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Justin M 3 years ago
I've made it clear to my kids that I will never throw a game to make them feel good. I'm not malicious or cruel, but the first time my son beat me at mancala, you'd have thought he won gold at the Olympics. He took a literal victory lap, he was so excited. Then he immediately wanted to play again and lost. But he's gotten way better, he can beat me about 10% of the time now, and one day it might pass 50%. But if that's ever the case, I don't want him to wonder if he really earned the win.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
when I started teaching my kid how to play board games I went easy on her the first time but then told her after that she needed to learn how to beat me. I wasn't going to "let" her win. Now she is great at playing games and fun to play with because she is competitive enough to make it interesting. She also understands that if she loses it's because of her and no one else.
JennaMae 3 years ago (edited)
Buh, i have to ask... were you doing those chores at her age?... siblings always feel its unfair to have to do when the other is not.. but good parents will have children help in age appropriate chores... and it seemed different when i was the oldest of four.. but as a mom finding appropriate ways for my 13 y/o and my 7 y/o .... well yhose activities are very different and differntly timed. And no I do not child labor my kids but they can help keep clean the home they mess up.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
My brother and I were forced to clean the entire house, chip ice off firewood in the winter and carry it in and carry gallon water jugs to our home a quarter mile every day or so as the house we lived in didn't have running water and we carried it from my stepdad's father's house, when they could have driven them all at once, about 12 gallon jugs. We did this from age 5-11 and it sucked the life from us, especially in the winter. While my stepsister, 1 year younger than my brother, did absolutely nothing, ever. It was very wrong.
Load More Replies... P.A.B. 3 years ago
I’m sorry that this is your experience. The upside is that you will grow up to be a capable, independent individual. Your sister will pay the price for her lack of life-skills and will always expect someone to take care of her. Your parents will pay the price because your sister will expect them to continue to do so. Also, your sister will have a rude awakening when she gets out into the “real world” and folks will expect and demand she do her fair share. She’ll resent your parents for “handicapping” her. All that being said, focus on something that makes you feel good while doing the things you have to do, give it 💯, and watch something amazing come your way!
Mermaid Elle-Jaye 3 years ago (edited)
I hate this, missing milestones and experiences cos the younger one can’t yet or can’t deal with the emotional complications etc.
#29
Making your kids spend time with family even though they get treated bad. Like inlaws who would rather spend time with their other grandkids and not yours.
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
I don't care who is anyone treats my kids bad is gonna get mouth full unless they are getting on to them for a good reason.
Nunya Bus 3 years ago
Oooof I hated that growing up. Kids know it too. No one has to actually say the words but they can feel the disparity. I knew my grandmother didn't like me, was embarrassed by my sister (who has Down's) and of course didn't' like my father probably because she couldn't rule him like her daughters and other son-in-laws.
Lara Verne 3 years ago
Or ignored. As a kid, my parents made me spend some time with inlaws. They did not treat me badly, but I knew they weren't thrilled that I am in their house. Had to sit in their living room, watching some TV show, they did not talk, I did not talk, It was uncomfortable as hell.
Lillian Swaim 3 years ago
My mom protected us from our relatives by cutting off contact with them when we were little. I resented her for this when I was a kid, I was jealous of how other kids had aunts/uncles and grandparents, but now as an adult, I can see WHY she did this through the limited interactions I've had with them throughout my life. They were DAMAGED and were determined to damage others, and if you pulled away, they'd slam you with guilt because "Family LOVES you, and you LOVE family" even if they treat each other like garbage, it was just accepted because they are "family"
Leah Reid 3 years ago
I've done this with some family members. It's sad to me that my son has to miss out because of this type of bad behavior.
Load More Replies... Donna Harris 3 years ago
Yeah, that's not gonna fly at my house. My mother in law favours my brother in laws daughter over my two sons.. and my husband over her son...even bringing gifts for my BIL and not my husband ..in my own home...I put a stop to all of it..GIT!!
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Please do not subject your kids who they don't like even if its relatives kids usually have a good reason for not wanting to go. I hated this even if you want to visit, get a babysitter or ask a friend if they can watch them with their kids - that's what I liked!
Ralph Barker 3 years ago
I haven't talk to my parents for about 14 years because they treat my kids horrible. My oldest was 4 when I quit talking to them. 4 years of treating them bad is more than enough. I tried talking to them about it. It only helped temporarily.
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
My mom just forbid hers from ever seeing me again. It's a long story, but she did end up living with us for a few months. I was so glad when she moved back with her son. I won't even substitute asterisks to indicate my loathing of her. I thank my mother she removed me from this woman's presence in my life.
#30
I guess the overall trend of prioritizing academics/extracurriculars and college admissions over everything else. Give your kids some chores and let them hang out with their friends outside of structured sports and musical activities!
Ozacoter 3 years ago
And let them have vacation jobs for pocket money. It will be great experience once they are older. I never worked because my parents were all "you need to study 24/7' and then could not find any low job like waitress or cleaner because i had no experience.
Stannous Flouride 3 years ago
My first job was washing dishes for two hours after school when I was 13 in a diner (owned by a friend of my mom and where she had worked when I was about 3 or 4). As I grew older my hours and pay increased along with my savings account. My mom matched me dollar-for-dollar and I spent my summers traveling all through high school.
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Robin Childers 3 years ago
Pushing college on kids is bad, too IMO. Be a plumber, be a mechanic, those jobs are more in-demand than college professors and make just as good if not better money. Some kids just aren't suited to sitting around. It doesn't make them any less intelligent or losers.
Alex The Fanperson 3 years ago
Exactly. Once, my partner was having a really emotional day, and I had an after-school club meet. We ride the bus together, and so I said, "okay, I'll skip it today to be there for you." I get home and get yelled at because I group of people I don't even know the names of are more important than the person I've been dating for months. I hadn't even been on the team for a month and a half. It was stupid. Completely pathetic,
Hamilfan 3 years ago
or telling your kids that if they don't go to college they cant get a good job, that it a lie. there are many jobs that can get you a good paycheck that don't require a college degree. while its true that you will likely be paid more it is not necessary.
Helen Haley 3 years ago
There are only so many positions in trade industries. And good luck getting a decent job anywhere else without a degree. You can't even get an interview without a degree.
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Diane Knight 3 years ago
My husband was never asked if he took certain classes in h.s. in a job interview. It was about the classes to qualify for the job at first , thereafter, just the jobs he had over the years for the experience. The trend in the early 2000's to go to college with the kid that morphed into going on job interviews too. I thought Matt Leuer was going to throw-up in his mouth when he told that story. Let go of your child at a certain point. He will look and act impaired if you don't.
#31
The thing every parents including mine said. "Finish your plate" or "Finish your plate or you won't get any dessert".
It gave you an unnecessary goal to shove food you don't want down your throat and made that into a lifelong habit. Fortunately I've always been into sports but many aren't, so now obesity is everywhere.
I knew it was a bad habit and I wouldn't stay fit for my entire life if I kept eating until I get a stomachache every single meal so I worked hard for years to finaly get rid of this habit in my early 20s when I moved into my apartment.
I will never do this to my kids.
Lou Cam 3 years ago
Generally a behaviour that started in the generations before when food was sparse and snacks not available. My parents held to this and my Dad will clear off his plate and anyone else's for that matter. He really struglles with his weight. I had an ED growing up so I let my kids decide when they're full. Also giving them age approproate portion sizes to begin with helps.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
My step-dad would force us to sit at the table for hours to finish our dinner and if we didn't, then that's what he gave us for breakfast and the show repeated. I was not a picky child. I'd eat almost anything but some things I truly didn't like but it didn't matter to them.
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Matt Hollis 3 years ago
I agree but you have to push my little one because she will literally eat 1 pea and want dessert
Katchen 3 years ago
Same. I am tell the difference between when my kids are truly not hungry and when they’re not hungry for vegetables.
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Ozacoter 3 years ago
Thats so much my grandmas. They bully you into eating like a pig but then call you fat ...
Lady Lava 3 years ago (edited)
Exactly. My wife always had to finish her plate when she was young, but at the same time she was fatshamed by her mother. She still struggles with her weight and having a healthy relationship with eating. Very sad... I'm so glad this wasn't a thing when I was a kid. However, I think my parents were sometimes a bit too loose about what I ate, and I'm still kinda picky now. We have a daughter and our rule is that we choose what she eats, and she has to take a bite of everything on the plate, but after that she decides how much she will eat. When she's full, it's totally okay. That way she learns to listen to the signals her body gives about hunger and satiation.
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Lea S. 3 years ago
Again, there is a line here. Being made to finish a large plate of food just because, not a good tactic. Have your child take a bite of everything or in my house we have to take a bite and finish one part of the meal. We also aren't allowed snacks if we don't eat. I've also never been worried about my child not eating enough - no child has ever voluntarily starved themselves to death.
Týna Pecharová 3 years ago
We used to hear this so much its engraved in adult situations as well. Didn’t finish your portion at a restaurant and everyone thinks something is wrong with you or the meal. It’s not, I just don’t feel like eating more and feeling stuffed just cause someone put more on my plate. We had so many useless fights over this with my parents its sad…
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
Our rule with my ten year old and us parents is, better to have many smaller servings you can finish than to have a one large serving you can't.
Liezl Rudolph 3 years ago
This one got to me. My parents were really strict about eating your whole plate of food. They kept me at the table till my lunch was done (I might be giving away my age but my mom and dad came home in their lunchtimes). So I would force down the food. When I got older I suffered from eating disorders.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
One of our three kids goes between being super hungry to being not hungry at all. So what we do is if she says she is full we allow her to bag up or box up her left overs for later. She then can dig into her left over food later if she gets hungry. Because of this she and our other kids have learned to listen to their bodies.
Gin 3 years ago
Children's appetites also vary depending on growth spurts, they'll eat more when in a big one.
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#32
Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions.
They are a normal part of being a person, teach them to handle negative emotions now before you send them out into a world they are not prepared to handle.
Hamilfan 3 years ago
my mom always said that I could talk to her about any feelings I had, but when I did she would tell me that i'm lying and trying to get more attention. because of this I was afraid to admit if I was ever in pain or feeling depressed/suicidal. my mom never seemed to understand that that is why I never trusted her.
3 years ago
You're not alone. I had problems with a popular girl at school -bullying- and my mom says, "well, have you ever considered that maybe you're the problem?" All I wanted was for her to listen but she never sided with me.
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RandomBeing 3 years ago
"stop crying" is one of the worst things to say. Do not invalidate feelings.
Yoga Kitty 3 years ago
Even better "Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to!" - favourite saying of my mother.
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Rebecca Olds 3 years ago
My mom always said "its nothing to cry over" when ever i got over stressed or upset that i would cry.........she still does........
kit cat chunky 3 years ago
i hide my feeling when im around people and cry in private and if they catch me ill just say somebody died in the anime im watching
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
Do you have much support for yourself, like a trusted person you can talk to about your feelings? It can be scary even if you do have such a person, to open up to them lest they react badly, but I know from my own experiences at least, that the times I couldn't talk about my feelings, or didn't even feel like I could put them into words and didn't share them with anyone, those were hardest. I'm sorry you are having your sadness/troubled feelings alone 💔 Talking about it here is good, that is cool and I hope when you feel ready to that you have the right kind of person to hear you or just be by your side. I dunno I just wanted to reach out, as someone who hid her sadness and turmoil when she was younger, to tell you that times really do get better. And if the people you talk to are dismissive etc, it can be disheartening, but you need to know you are valid and you deserve good things and good people and good feelings in your life!
Load More Replies... Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
Oh look, it's the reason I don't talk emotions to my parents! Any negative emotion I express is immediately mirrored by my mother's, so I do my best to hide it. She can't control it, and she's trying to so I can have a healthy relationship with the emotions, but she and I are in the same boat. And my father? Well, Kelly Clarkson rings in my head whenever I start crying around my dad. "I can't cry, because I know that's weakness in your eyes. I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life. My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with!"
Loretta Davila 3 years ago
Wow, this one picked up some raw places in so many people…. It breaks my heart what a lot of us went through as children. Parents can do so much damage!! My mom was such a basket case (I’m thinking undiagnosed bipolar) and I was the abused child of the family - mostly verbally. But my dad and older brother were my lifelines. Without them I don’t know where I’d be today. I’ve thought about that a lot. How one (or two) people can make the difference between a child growing up seminormally (still contemplated suicide many times) and just losing it completely….
Monika Swanson 3 years ago
Use those negetive experiences as learning experiences...we learn from our mistakes and failures.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
I could talk to my mom and dad about anything. I was given suggestions for problem solving but I could figure what was best answer I thought and do it or discuss it with them before deciding!
#33
Helicopter parenting, kids need freedom to explore the world, get dirty, engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside o a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age acceptable level of freedom.
zovjraar me 3 years ago
hahaha, that's how i grew up- get out or help clean the house. come back for lunch and then out the house again until dinner. rainy/snowy days were excepted though.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Me too, most of the time we took a sandwich or congregated at someone's house for lunch (prearranged of course)then back out till dinner and out again if you had no chores or homework!
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Steve Fischer 3 years ago
That's how it was done in the 50s and 60s. And I wouldn't have had it any other way
Diane Knight 3 years ago
And they need to fail to learn to be independent. I allowed one 'rescue' call a year, forget a lunch, swimsuit, band instrument, just one of those. After that, they had to accept the consequences that came. They learned to remember to take the object. I (or the Principal) would mutter under the breath " wonder how long it took to 'train' mom to keep bringing things to school." So the student had to write a paper on a topic per subject of the class involved. (no flute? a paper on famous performer. no swimsuit? a paper on related sport.) Works, time to reflect what needs to be in backpack vs time to write a paper.
Monika Swanson 3 years ago
Don't be afraid of a child being messy or making a mess it can be cleaned and the child learns so much more...and they gain so much immunity by playing in the mud and dirt...they can take a bath after.
Justin M 3 years ago
I am advocating putting your kids outside and telling them not to come in except for food, water and bedtime. Most kids around the world have never been safer than they are now, and if you have the privilege of living in a place where it's safe, i don't think there's anything wrong with forcing kids to go outside and entertain themselves, or be bored if they can't find anything to do.
kit cat chunky 3 years ago
they dont tell me to do that i just say ill be home after the street lights come on and coe back like half an hour later
#34
Pushing them too hard in sports, academics, etc. Like pushing til they need therapy or get injured, no free time, no downtime. FFS, they only get to be young & without excessive responsibilities once.
Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago
I am not a huge believer in homework coz I believe kids need to have their own downtime but also time to spend with family and doing their responsibilities around the house. They go to school for about 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Give the kids time to be kids for crying out loud. The only homework I can support is reading and for the younger kids, sight words.
Deborah B 3 years ago
The purpose of homework is for kids to learn to motivate themselves to study/work without constant oversight. Yeah, it shouldn't be more than 15 minutes or half an hour, but it's not about the 10 math problems, it's about "I will do my 10 math problems before I play x-box."
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Steve Fischer 3 years ago
As a boomer, we always had homework and it wasn't a negative experience. It was just part of growing up
Scagsy 3 years ago (edited)
In my opinion, there isn't a sadder pitch-side sight than watching a small boy being berated for his performance by his bullying father while his friends all go the other way laughing and joking. Why humiliate your own child and make him feel so small in front of his little pals? It's truly heartbreaking to witness.
Hamilfan 3 years ago
my brothers are football fanatics, and that okay I love throwing a football with them but its not okay for my dad to force them to play on multiple teams and to watch every football game that comes on. my brothers know they can talk to me but based on what I've heard i'm afraid that they no longer enjoy playing it because of this.
Liseliz Rodriguez 3 years ago
My cousins were raised like this. All 4 are nurses, and masters in martial arts. Only free time they had was the car ride to/from home and whatever time they had left after they finished homework. They are very happy adults.
Syamsul Arifin 3 years ago
Finland education system is advance in term of school for children, less home work and less time for sitting inside class
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
we had homework but it was not like today it did not take 3 hours to do it max 15 min if you knew what you were doing! But I do think private reading and writing should be encouraged. Not forced upon them! Let them do sports if they want no forcing them to do it!
#35
telling kids that studying is the only thing that they do in choldhood and that everything else is just useless stuff
J. Normal 3 years ago
I did tell my Son that during his childhood, that school was his JOB. and he needed to do his best at it.
Kaycee Friend 3 years ago
Same. I tell mine that we all have our responsibilities, mine is work, yours is school and younger siblings is daycare.
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Paula Marowsky 3 years ago
They used to tell me this. And that my only work is to study. They drilled me with that so bad that now I really hate even the word "job". I have so much trouble geting paid for anything, because the only way I can do something good with joy and pride is when it is not called job, so I have to do it for free.. but then I never have enough money, because no one pay for anything that I do. I don't know how to earn money working or doing my job, (no one gets paid for learning or studying, right?) and I'm in my middle 40's
Elizabeth Line 3 years ago
I have held two positions and still do. Children are expected to go to school for 5-8 hours a day. They have mandatory breaks, and have to put up with a whole school of a*****e managers. We don't expect adults to do that much work for free. Kids absolutely should be paid to be in school. I even came up with a school currency idea in middle school. My mom thought I had a good idea. Kids would get an hourly rate of say minimum wage. Based on performance they would get a pay raise on report card day. They would also get a set of bills every month. Like rent, electricity, so on. And the school would have a bank so Kids could store their school money. It could be used to buy food, stuff they needed/wanted at the student store ect. If you failed to budget you would get your pay docked the next month etc. I thought it solved all problems XD
Elizabeth Line 3 years ago
The other position I still keep to is modeling all schools on the college schedule. I found I learned way more and better in college then k-12. I did more work by far, but felt insanely less pressure.
Load More Replies... Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Would never do this to a child. There must be discipline in everything! From education to sports to hobbies but to be told that they must excel at any or all of these things to become a well rounded individual is wrong! First last and always there must be LOVE!
Mattewis88 3 years ago
Yeah, I did that. Now I have useless degrees and a useless job while my 8th-grade dropout brother went to work and now earns 5x my salary.
Redspiderlily_622 3 years ago
To be fair to my parents, they are immigrants. They came to Canada with very little, and were unable to pursue their previous careers (veterinary) here because they didn't speak good English. They believed that if I brought home the best grades, I'd be eligible for scholarships. They needed those scholarships to get me into higher education, and they hoped that that higher education would get me a stable job with lots of money. Frustrating, yes, but I can see why.
Lea S. 3 years ago (edited)
Lol, no it doesn't. The o is right next to the i on a keyboard - it's called a typo. You think everything but studying is useless? What about friends? What about healthy eating? What about exercise?
Load More Replies... #36
The trend of never telling your child “no”. Apparently you’re supposed to reframe your objective with things like “yes, but”. Like instead of “no, you can’t have any candy”, you say “yes, but only after you eat your dinner”. Um, no. Kids need to hear and learn the meaning of no, because sometimes the answer is just NO. This trend is only going to lead to entitled adults.
Deborah B 3 years ago
It isn't supposed to be "yes, but". Saying yes, then immediately taking it back is just going to frustrate the kid. It's suposed to be "Candy is not for everyday, so no candy now. I hear you are hungry, yes you can have a banana/carrotsticks/dinner in half-an-hour." It's explaining why "No" happens - it's not arbitrary, acknowleging their feelings, and reinforcing expectations and boundries.
#37
The one where everyone feels entitled to judge your choices. The thing I’ve learned as a parent is that every kid is different so you have to adapt. Don’t want screens/allow your kids reasonable screen time? Great. Breastfeed/formula feed? Great. Sleep train/don’t sleep train? Great. If you are a parent that is judging other parents for things that are reasonable (I am not referring to people who are being ridiculous or not parenting altogether) you’re a jerk.
Loretta Davila 3 years ago
I had four daughters. One loved books, one loved balls, one loved stuffed animals, one loved dolls. They all had different colored eyes (green, brown light green with gold flecks, and hazel), their hair different shades growing up. The tallest is 6’1”, the shortest 5’4”. Same mom and dad but such different kids! 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Jonahs Mrs 3 years ago
I'm an expert in raising my children and knowing what is good for them based on past experiences. Anybody else's child, nope not a clue how to raise them so I don't make any judgement or offer unasked for opinions or advice (it goes without saying that I would never ignore a child in need, who is lost or hurt etc)x
Iseefractals 3 years ago
Except...all of those examples have choices that are clearly correct. Backed up by scientific data. Allowing a child to glue themselves to a phone/tablet is detrimental to their emotional and social growth....the younger it starts, the worse it is. Whether for 5 minutes, or 5 hours....it is bad. Breast milk passes your immunities to your child. Along with a whole host of other benefits that have been well documented and proven time and time again. That doesn't mean you should be continuing the practice until they're in grade school....but if you're not at least making an aggressive effort (why would i do that, i'm busy they can drink formula!) you're already a shitty parent Not sleep training your child is a sure fire way to make them grow up to be an entitled nightmare....just like all the kids we have running around now. By the time my son was 3 months old he was sleeping through the night most times, and if he did happen to wake up he'd play with his stuffed Bunny.
#38
Parents incorporating personal wellness buzzwords into their excuses for being neglectful and sometimes even abusive to their kids. Like "I shouldn't have to owe my own time and money to somebody whose behavior just isn't contributing to my happiness and positive energy blah blah blah they're exploiting the legal and societal pressures on—" sir that is a fourteen-year-old you literally chose to raise and no amount of talking like a self-help book will change thay, grow up.
Kate Jones 3 years ago
In the same vain, people who inflict their own personal 'holistic' versions of medicine on their kids when they need serious help. I knew a woman who's son had allergies, like really major ones, and used to make him wear a crystal around his neck to combat the 'natural forces of the earth' and redirect allergens away from him. I'm just like...this poor kid. Same with ...I think they're called Christian Scientists. They don't believe in medicine only prayer. That's a criminal offense to me.
Jonahs Mrs 3 years ago
Please tell me this is a made up or teensy tiny thing. I can't bear to think that there are parents who would talk to or about their children like this and think it's a positive lifestyle mantra x
#39
Starting a kid in a single sport from an early age and making that their whole life for some goddamn reason
Hamilfan 3 years ago
my parents tried to do this with cheer, every year no matter how often I begged and pleaded to be allowed to stop they would sign me up for it again and again. eventually they let me quit and now I wont try another sport for fear that if I do I will never be able to stop even if i'm not enjoying it.
Poultry Geist 3 years ago
I wish my parents had made me do anything ! Sport , dance, gymnastics! Literally anything ! I never wanted to and now I regret the hell out of that.
Kai David 3 years ago
Whatever activity, sports, scouts, 4-H, etc that the boys did; they were committed for the school year, even if they wanted to quit after starting. It's expensive to get the kids prepped for the activity. Uniforms, membership fees, and everything else related to the activity. After the school year, then they can quit if they wanted too
#40
Never letting your children assert their own independence or experience things on their own. Congratulations, you've raised an anxious mess of a human being with zero life skills and no ability to cope in the real world.
Kai David 3 years ago
Laundry day, the boys did their own laundry ( age appropriate skill level as they grew), each son had a once a week turn planning and cooking a meal-age appropriate supervised as they grew. The boys learned how to make bread and pasta from scratch etc. Why learn when you can buy it from the store they would ask. Sometimes there is no store to buy it from. When that snow storm hit the NE a few years ago and shut everything down for over a week; they were so proud because they knew how to make bread etc from scratch.
#41
demanding that other people do the parenting for them. whether it's shoving the burden onto teachers that are busy trying to teach them academics, or the newer "waaah, the internet needs to be regulated so my precious tots never see anything inappropriate on it! what do you mean i should supervise their use of the internet or wait until they're older?"
Kate Jones 3 years ago
This applies to forcing siblings to take the brunt of the parenting as well. I'm a firm believer that if you can't afford children, you should stop having them. Accidents happen but if you're already struggling, stop inflicting that on the rest of your family. Grandmothers get it a lot, too. Some kids, in particular those who have single parents, are forced by that parent to take care of the siblings that the parent is too busy to take care of. I knew a girl whose mother didn't understand birth control and had 8 kids, no father in sight. The older girls were basically the children's mother because mom was never around. I know some boys deal with this too but I feel like the girls in the house get this more than the boys in most cases. So many teenage boys get to go out and hang out with their friends while the girls are forced into a day care role for the younger kids.
Rose the Cook 3 years ago
I have a real problem with the Chinese custom of wealthy parents putting babies into so called "kindergartens" from the age of a few months " for their education." Then into boarding schools, often only a few miles from their home, at the age of 5. If you take a job as a kindergarten teacher you are really just a substitute mother. As a high school teacher you are expected to deal with their kids teenage woes for them.
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
In the US rich people pay nannies to raise their kids for them early then usually send them to some sort of boarding/ finishing school once they are teenagers. Why have kids if you don't want to be a parent?
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#42
The whole “hands off parenting approach” drives me nuts to see parents never tell their kids no and just let them do whatever they want.
Lynn Morello 3 years ago
I always followed the word NO, with why I said NO in the first place.
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Honestly, isn't that a form of negligence? Still not sure how this became such a popular form of parenting other than parental laziness.
#43
Either telling kids to do anything because "I told you so" or comparing them to friends/siblings
Cadence Wical 3 years ago
my mom does this all the time. it's so frustrating and makes you feel small
#44
Trying to be your kid's "friend," not a parent. A parent is there to provide guidance and responsible behavior to model. Yes, sometimes making their actions have consequences and setting boundaries can be difficult and they'll not be too happy with you. That's part of the job. Ultimately I think that will result in a healthier relationship than being the "cool" permissive parent. I've seen results of that style of (not) parenting with very sad outcomes.
Jonahs Mrs 3 years ago
Yep, "we are more like sisters/siblings/best friends than mother and child" makes me cringe every time I read or hear that being said x
#45
Constantly telling your child that they’re the only reason for your existence and stuff like that. My mother does this cause we have both been mentally abused by my father. But this puts a s**t load of pressure on me. It also made me super anxious about anything I did. They’re also strict so when I moved to college I went wild. I would do what most college students did and had fun but during the nights I wouldn’t be able to sleep thinking about how she would be CRUSHED if she knew. I am anxious to the point I can’t tell her that I am sick and possibly dying. I love her but her way of showing her love suffocates me.
#46
Perpetuating the myth that one's children are somehow special. With about 97% certainty, they are not. Teaching them that they are just sets them up for crushing disappointment down the road. It's far better to raise kids to believe they are ordinary people with a few gifts, but also some flaws and weaknesses.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
Tbh, I say this because she is special to me. She knows she's not to other people, but to those who do love and value her she is special and precious.
Iseefractals 3 years ago
There is a difference between saying "you're special TO ME" and saying "you're special" The latter has led to a society in which everyone feels entitled to whatever they want just for having the fleeting thought. They know they deserve this, because they're SPECIAL. Anything to the contrary is treated like a conspiracy, or evidence of discrimination. All backed up by movements to make sure everyone gets a trophy, and no one keeps score and everyone always feels good about themselves with no awareness to how truly awful they are in something or how badly they've failed. Unless they've graduated college before the age of 20, or hold a patent while they're still in high school, or they ride the short bus to school....they are not special. Tell them you love them, don't leave even a little glimmer of wiggle room for them to be able to rationalize that they may in fact be "special.
Load More Replies... Ashley Schriber 3 years ago
Agreed. And even if a child does have some unusually strong talents or abilities, it is not good to make these the basis of their identity. It will make the kid feel like the HAVE to keep being extraordinary and better than others. Or it will cause them to look down on others and have trouble relating to them. The series "Community" had a good episode centering on Jeff and how his mother's emphasis of his specialness as a child caused problems for him as an adult.
#47
Over scheduling
Kate Jones 3 years ago
Adversely, also under-scheduling, too, although I'm not sure if that's what I'd call it. I grew up with parents who just let me do my own thing because they were always dealing with my drug-addict brother. So they were just happy I was a good kid and smart, but I never got into anything. No sports, no teams, no...nothing. I was lazy and started eating and watching tv and once I started gaining weight I just stopped socializing in any way. I was pretty depressed and I was bullied so I could have stood to gain from some socialization like camp, a sport or learning an instrument...anything. They didn't seem to really care. Now as an adult I've struggled for years with my weight and my discipline is non-existant. It's hard to change once your an adult, even if you do understand it would be good for you like I do. So disinterest is sometimes just as bad.
Whatshername 3 years ago (edited)
Yes. And later wonder why our youth is suffering from burnouts.
Memere 3 years ago (edited)
I was firm with my son on this. Scouts was year round (meeting 1x/week, camp out 1 weekend/month) , and he got to pick one other activity per season (1 nite of practice, 1 nite for the game). I absolutely had to set a minimum of 3 nights per week for out of the house activities, otherwise the laundry & housekeeping would never get done, and neither of us would have any down time at home.
#48
Forcing your kid into every activity possible. It doesn’t create the structure they think it does.
#50
Calling you kid your “mini me.” It just makes me cringe every time I hear it.
#51
Having no discipline over your children BEFORE leaving the house. I hate to be THAT person. But I just remember growing up, that well before my parents even thought of, taking me to the grocery store or restaurant, I was well schooled on how to behave. And this was rather in front of company or not. Now days and especially when I worked in retail, it just seemed some parents were trying to make everything a teachable moment on the spot or either damn near threatening to ring the kid's neck, cause they weren't listening to them. Like dude, start disciplining the kids early and at home. When family or friends are around and you might not have to struggle so hard or be so embarrassed, when little Johnny takes more than one cookie or won't stop running around the store.
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 3 years ago
This sounds more like an angsty retail worker who doesn't have kids. Children are unpredictable. What I do notice is parents bringing their kids out on an empty stomach, for too long (they need more of an outlet throughout the day than just following you around as you browse) and too late. Especially when it's past 7pm and you hear shrieking throughout the mall. Or even past 9pm. Yup, the kid is tired and hungry. Time to go home.
Iseefractals 3 years ago
You don't have to have kids to notice all the behavior that children get away with while mommy is browsing Insta or talking on the phone, which would have gotten our asses beat, or precious things taken away for weeks or months. Up until 20 or 30 years ago, there was a wonderful mindset of "children should be seen, and not heard" and it applied to all public spaces. Now the mentality is "I have to listen to this all day long, so you can f*****g deal with it" If your child isn't going to well behaved, don't bring them out. If they're acting up, then as their parent, you get to f**k off and take them with you.
Load More Replies...
Brenda 3 years ago
Working retail, I actually banned 1 lady who NEVER watched her kids. After they almost pulled a clothing rack over onto themselves and an associate (who was trying to get the kid out from under it), I told her to leave and not come back if she had her kids with her. She raised holy hell with my manager, my district manager and finally with corporate. After seeing the tapes and all the incident reports, they backed me 100%. If you can't watch them, don't bring them
Wistiti 3 years ago
It's not about telling your kid what to do in advance. Depending on their age, it's a lost cause. You can't expect a 5 year old to remember everything you told her not to do or to do before you even started. Their cognitive abilities are physically not that develop yet. Good/acceptable behaviour is a long learning process. "Just like at home, you can't jump on their couch." Things they are allowed to do in their own home will be reproduced outside.
What do you think ?
Yugan Talovich 3 years ago
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Buren 3 years ago
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Aliquid 3 years ago
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
Load More Replies...
RandomBeing 3 years ago
Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
RandomBeing 3 years ago
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
Load More Replies...
Lolly 3 years ago
I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
RandomBeing 3 years ago
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
Load More Replies... 
Casey McAlister 3 years ago
Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 3 years ago
lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
elSti 3 years ago
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
Load More Replies...
Seedy Vine 3 years ago
Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
Jessica Alyea 3 years ago
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
Load More Replies... Louloubelle 3 years ago
None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Yugan Talovich 3 years ago
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Buren 3 years ago
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Aliquid 3 years ago
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
Load More Replies... RandomBeing 3 years ago
Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
RandomBeing 3 years ago
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
Load More Replies... Lolly 3 years ago
I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
RandomBeing 3 years ago
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
Load More Replies... Casey McAlister 3 years ago
Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
Load More Replies... Lilith the Demon Panda 3 years ago
lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
elSti 3 years ago
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
Load More Replies... Seedy Vine 3 years ago
Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
Jessica Alyea 3 years ago
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
Load More Replies... Louloubelle 3 years ago
None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
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