This Page Showcases The Most Relatable Parenting And Adulting Posts To Ever Grace The Internet, And Here Are 50 Of The Funniest Ones
InterviewParenthood is often overly romanticized, leading first-time moms to create an ideal in their heads of what kind of parent they should be. However, the reality of having children is far from a fairytale portrayed on social media. Most of the time, it is messy, highly tiring, and not cute at all.
By no means am I trying to say that children are not worth it all. They are. Just that parenting might look a bit different in real life. One mom decided to normalize being a weird human being with needs and created a Facebook page called Mommy's Weird, which shares comical fragments found on the internet of everyday life as a parent. So if you are in need of a break from parenting and looking for some relatable content, scroll down for your daily dose of fun.
Bored Panda reached out to the creator of Mommy's Weird, Kyla Cornish, who was kind enough to answer some of our questions. To learn more, read the full interview below.
More info: Facebook | Instagram | mommysweird.com
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Agreed. We put ziplock closures on cat food, but not on the bag in the cereal box. WHY?
And, chips/crisps, Doritos, Cheetos, crackers, etc. - it's insane!
Load More Replies...Why are men's socks in resealable bags? Do they need to be kept airtight for freshness?
I think they should add an average person to everything so it really shows how amazing the athletes are.
Also have a section of the official Olympics where the athletes have to do randomly assigned sports. Imagine if we could have seen Usain Bolt playing a round of golf after winning his sprint.
I saw on Reddit a clip of something like the Average Games in Australia and I definitely could win gold in some of them; it was hilarious
There should be an Olympic Games for toddlers, that would be entertaining.
I can name a few games: "distance vomiting", "highest squeal"
Load More Replies...It would also teach us a lot more about population health and equality, rather than which country has the most money to pour into a very few hyper-talented people.
And you would keep a bit more in shape, if you know you have the risk of having to do pole vaulting or marathon running.
Load More Replies...I do this every day and I wish I could change but I'm just too lazy to care enough
Doing it: 20 minutes. Doing it later: 0 minutes. See, I'm actually saving time! /j
Have my upvote because someone doesn't get sarcastic feathered dinosaurs
Load More Replies...It went five months without being done, obviously it could have gone five more and been fine.
I've been telling myself I'm going to organize my closet for 8 months :'(
I did this today - I finally took all the old vinyl records, dvds I'm not interested in rewatching, and several boxes of manga, BD and other books out of the basement and brought them to a store that buys these items. It took me about 30 minutes (including putting them in my car and driving to the store), and they paid me €42! (excellent positive renforcement !)
Kyla started with a blog before making a Facebook page and other social media accounts where she shares hilarious, relatable parenting content. When we asked her to tell us about herself, she wrote: “I started a blog in 2012 called Mommy's Weird. I work at a library and a bookstore. I am married to an introvert who doesn't know what to do with me, we have two kids that are 15 and 12- who are now more mean funny than cute funny. We live in Cranbrook, British Columbia Canada.”
Kyla was experiencing all sorts of parenting joys and challenges when she decided to create a blog that now resonates with parents all over the world. She shared with us how it all started: “I was on maternity leave with a very busy 3-year-old, and I had a 7-month-old. I was lonely, tired, and needed something for myself. I’d been a radio announcer for years and was craving a creative outlet. I had 2 smart friends within a week tell me I should blog. I had no clue what I was getting into.”
What about being tired when you wake up, at 2pm and when you go to bed? And every time in between
Falling asleep on the couch so you get up to go to bed, but as soon as you lay down you're wide awake
When we figure out why this happens and how to fix it, It will be the single greatest scientific discovery ever. Imagine a world where everyone actually gets enough sleep. I think it would lead to peace on Earth. Why is nobody looking into this more?
I am with you. Insomnia is controlling my life right now. I am so jealous, I mean really, literally jealous, of sleeping people.
Load More Replies...As someone with chronic illnesses....in concur....2pm is the witching hour
2pm is my " all.of a sudden tired time at work" on the weekends 2pm is just another hour
This is a real thing, its called the Circadian Dip, happens around 2-3pm for most people, its part of the Human condition. https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Circadian_dip
Read at 00.30 when I know I have to get up an hour earlier than usual tomorrow.
No matter what, any factors you could imagine, I am exhausted from 4-7pm every single day. Meds, caffeine intake, hydration, wake up time, food.. every day, 4pm.
4 sets. Two lighter fabrics for warm months and two thicker fabrics for cold moths. Clean set goes on the bed before you even start the washer for the dirty ones.
Load More Replies...I have slept in a bed with nobody, and I can assure you that will be no lasting detrimental effects
When I strip the bedding, I put the sheets into the washing machine, then immediately get clean sheets and pillow cases and re-male the bed. Screw this waiting until bed time
something about this that bothers me (and my parents do it too!) is why not just put the new bedding on right away? i mean, fair enough, if you only have one set of sheets and have to wash them, fine. but if you have other sheets...why not just do it right then? i'm lazy AF and this is what i do...
Phrases: thisIsStupid, letMeIn, or curse words from another culture. Be careful eitth the last one as it is really embarrasing when your computer dies while travelling and you have to tell IT " its wanker".
Load More Replies...What really annoys me is when I think of a suitably secure password and the machine says "no, it has to include a capital letter, a numeral, a lower case letter and a typographical device."
I read an article from a security expert who said that the current system of capitals, numbers, symbols etc. were actually EASIER to hack than a phrase. Phrases tend to be longer, but easier to remember. For me, I have a system by which each password is unique, but easy to remember. It's just a sort of code in my head, a way of parsing information.
That is true. I've also read that you're better off just writing your passwords down in a physical notebook you keep in a locked drawer at home. For the people who think that's not safe, it means someone literally has to break into your house, break into the desk, locate the notebook and find the list of passwords to get them. Compare that to having passwords saved as a text file on your PC where a mistake can leave them vulnerable to anyone in the world.
Load More Replies...As with any person who creates popular content online, Kyla has touched her followers through her posts in one way or another. We asked her what kind of impact does she hope to have on her fans. Kyla shared: “At first, it was truly only for self-deprecating laughter. As time has gone on, I realize that it is for the mental health of women.”I am sure you are already aware that women are very susceptible to various mental health problems after giving birth. Having children completely changes your life in ways you could never imagine before. So it is healthy to find new ways to enjoy yourself, even if it is finding a community you can relate to.
We asked Kyla to share her opinion on what role humor plays in coping with the challenges of motherhood. She shared: “Parenting days are filled with moments that you either laugh or you cry. And most days, I do both.”
I somehow managed not to toss the box before reading the instructions. Then I put 200 mL of water instead of 20. I will never forget the "what a twatbasket" look on my 9yo's face. (Added some flour, baked the turds, made hubby eat them so they don't waste away. :D)
I made BlancMange for my grandparents on a wood stove. It didn't do what I thought it would do, so I added more stuff. When it finally got to the stage I thought should be, they ate it. It was horrible and I was so embarrassed but it was a sign of love that they didn't complain and managed to eat it anyway.
Load More Replies...Just like ADD but with better resolution! LOL! Me to a T!
Load More Replies...It took me years to learn to leave the box on the counter until after it's in the oven with the timer set.
I can relate. Not because im almost 3 but pms. Plus I dont like sundays, because its almost monday
You cannot escape. I will always be there to ruin your weekend mood.
Load More Replies...Too be honest I'm also either blind with rage or struck by immeasurable sadness after having to get up
At least rage gives you some sort of energy - immeasurable sadness, on the other hand, just sucks the life out of you. 🤷🏼♀️
Load More Replies...I have a 3 year old niece. This is 100% true! It sometimes gets embarrassing in public because she likes to throw things when she's mad. Which is almost all the time. :) Being a toddler is rough. LOL!
"You are so right hon, that's even better than the last one" - meanwhile my brain is playing "spider pig, spider pig" on repeat.
Load More Replies...Our 17 year marriage may end this weekend since we are getting a dumpster delivered with the intent to "clean out" the basement.
There is a very white shade of white called "Mike Pense Skiing in Utah".
Before you get married, get yourself and your significant other to take a stroll through IKEA. If you're still together afterwards, go for it!
You actually have to choose the shade at home using paint samples, or else you can't see what it will look like in your lighting.
Maybe, but the paint sample is 2x3cm...... Edit: In case some panda needs to have a laugh: the colour my bedroom is painted in is called "slipper gray"
Load More Replies...Kyla’s content has an impact that is hard to describe, however, the feedback she shared with us explains the importance of having someone you can relate to. “Mommy's Weird is 95% humor. A few years ago, I hit the bottom. Hard. Our kids were struggling and I quickly realized that I had to come first in our family instead of 4th. If I kept putting everyone first, our family was going to fall apart. I never think that anyone is reading what I share, but I was at children's story time with my 6-year-old son and a very tired-looking woman with a messy bun was sitting in front of me with a fussing baby in her arms and a toddler that wouldn't stop trying to climb into her lap. She turned to me and said, "Are you, Kyla? I love Mommy's Weird." Here she was thanking me while she was struggling, it made me feel like what I was doing might actually be helping someone,” shared Kyla.
Hell, I STILL quote the "30 days has September" and the "i before e" sayings...lol
I have to do i before e, except after c. I kept misspelling receive (online but so I could see that I misspelled it) and finally forced myself to remember
Load More Replies...Don't worry I had learn how to spell business by remembering "bus in a$$, except a$$ is pronounced like Danny DeVito would say it"
Dollar messes with my. Only spelled it correctly because auto correct. But if I write the word I forget if it is dollar, doller, or dollor.
Load More Replies...Woman, man? Is, them, they, was, were, Fortune cookie? All off us do thus.
I'm so proud of my nephew - he cycled 40 km (7 times around in Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh) to raise money for people in Ukraine and he did it in under 4 hours, including a break to stop to look for one of his front teeth after it fell out! :D
how has he done more things in a day than i have done this whole year T-T
Load More Replies...Teaching first graders is wild. Children, please, don't hand others a bloody, wet tooth.
If you teach littlies, I bet you've been handed worse as well! Primary teachers have such a powerful influence but need to have strong stomachs! :D
Load More Replies...I’m pretty sure you are just referring to the tooth fairy situation and not the raising money for people in Ukraine situation , so here’s an upvote to cancel out the downvote. :)
Load More Replies...And lastly, Kyla shared: “When I first started the page was for me, that has shifted dramatically. Being a mom is lonely, suffocating, and tiring, and not for one second have I ever thought of it as rewarding, now that may change, but for now, I keep the Facebook page going ONLY for those that are knee-deep in this motherhood gig and need a smile.”
My ringtone is "pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbow" It makes me happy and calm, so I can deal with whatever s**t comign my way when answering the phone 😅
*googles pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbow*
Load More Replies...I have the Benny Hill themesong... but its on silent most of the time, too. 🤭
My ringtone is crazy rog. It makes me smile and makes everyone else mad. So win win.
Most of my calls are from my adult autistic Muppet-loving son. So, of course, his ringtone is "Mahna Mahna". I see lots of smiles around me when it rings in public! The original, posted by me, from SESAME STREET, 1969: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5W60VwDkas and the best known version from THE MUPPET SHOW, 1977: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTXyXuqfBLA
I used to have the opening guitar riff from Alice Cooper's Hello, Hooray but it was very startling so I switched to Reel Ten from Repo Man. I know it's my phone when it rings. I'm vigilant about mute at weddings, funerals.
I tried using a couple guitar riffs for mine but found I was ignoring the call and just thinking "Wooo! I know that song". Changed it to the Super Chicken Charge sound (old cartoon).
Load More Replies...My ring tone is the "Stars and Stripes Forever" march. Makes sure I'm awake.
my ringtone is from Impractical Jokers "whose phone is ringing? mine. mine. whose phone is ringing? mine. mine" gets me everytime.
My ringtone is Chrissy Wake Up, because A) i love that song, and B) if it rings then it would scare people because it's so loud and that would almost make up for having to talk to people
Wait until you get the third who is willing to push then out of the plane.
Methinks my grandson would be the one to push his Dad and Uncle whilst cackling.
Load More Replies...My brother and I were both. The deal was I'll use your stupid device but you have to try mine next time. We both jumped off the roof with "parachutes" made from old sheets. Our very best was an office chair luge. My brother duct taped cardboard boxes to two broken (backs snapped off) office chairs we found in a dumpster. Thing worked like a charm. We lived near a park with hill that had a somewhat curvy sidewalk and we'd ride it down the hill. If you crashed, it was grass.
The other one is apparently mine. He discovered that he enjoyed playing goalie in hockey at age 7 because he likes pucks being shot at him and has been a daredevil ever since.
I have to ask - what did you do to have every comment i see on this post downvoted? I haven’t checked bp for some days and i missed the drama 😅
Load More Replies...Say "I'm on my way." Then, if it's somebody you don't want to see, just say, " Sorry, I meant I'm on my way out."
Robber 1: Are they home? Robber 2: IDK but we have their number, let's ask. *texts* Me: Ummmm why? Robber 1: Are you at the party downtown? You should get going. Me: Oh no I'm at home with the flu Robber 2: Aww sorry! *adds in undertone to friend* No luck. Better run. Me: *unknowingly saves my house from being robbed because I didn't want to socialize* I'm bored
I just leave it on read. Eventually they get frustrated that I haven't answered and tell me why. If it's babysitting then I'm out. If it's going out to do something fun then I'm out. If you're going to bring me a "because you're a huge introvert" care basket I'm most definitely in.
Me : Not, really, why ? They :.... Me: Oh, but I'll be home in 5 minutes / Oh, sorry to hear, just left to( whatever)
I always just say "why, whats up?" before answering that question.
Indeed. I'm in the party demographic and I'm positive I want to be in bed by 10.
Load More Replies...Not even three loads of dirty laundry and two bags of garbage in addition? Lucky you.
My son and I had a serious talk about the disappearing forks recently. A serious talk. About disappearing forks.
Load More Replies...I'm more concerned about the burner phone than finding a cat.. why would your teen need that?
I frequently do. There is one with an inner and outer circle and if you are in the wrong one you can't get off where you want to go ....
Load More Replies..."If it wasn't for gravity, you'd even miss earth"
Load More Replies...I think somebody’s been following me around with a camera. You have no idea how much this is me.
Give me an address I will literally plot a course in the phone book that will get me to your house better than your f'd up directions.
I have no sense of direction and will get on bus going anywhere,USA.
Yep. All depends if you are a NWES person, or a 'turn left at the Taco Time' person.
Pressure! Pushing down on me, pushing down on you, no man ask for
under pressure! that burns a building down, splits a family in two, puts people on streets
Load More Replies...I actually got asked this question on an interview. I said, "I mean, I might have better luck with Bohemian Rhapsody or We Will Rock You." Then I was asked in the work environment. I do pretty well with that and I did get the job. Though, that was retail. -10/10 do not recommend
I never thought I was cool, but hearing my voice makes me regret everytime I spoke
I feel like I to apologise to everyone I've ever spoken to
Load More Replies...For some reason people cannot tell my mom and I apart over the phone. Even her sister thinks it's my mom when I answer. In person we sound nothing alike. It's the weirdest damn thing!
Interestingly, the recording of your voice is how you sound to everybody else. When we hear ourselves, the sound isn't actually traveling from our mouth, around the head, to the ear. It's traveling directly from the vocal cords, through the bones of our head, to the eardrum. This means our voice is louder to us than to everybody else, while at the same time, the tones are more muffled and softened. We hear everybody else's voice across the vast voids of the spaces between us. Face it: that recording is how you sound to everybody else.
Yes! And that weird disconnect between how we think we sound when we speak vs. how we are heard when we speak is what makes our voice recordings so jarring and bothersome to our own ears. It's not that our voices are particularly bad, we just don't recognize them. It'd be like watching your favorite cartoon and having the main character be voice by a different actor halfway through the episode.
Load More Replies...I sound like either a little kid or a full adult. No I’m between
Just leave "get well soon" cards on the mantle and guests will think you've been too sick to clean! Boom! Done!
Amazing how I can straighten my house in a flash when someone is coming at short notice but if no one's coming it takes me the whole week to get it done...
Phew! Got that sucker presentable in under an hour, just don't peek in the oven.
I have unpacked boxes from when we moved 12 years ago. Have no idea what's in them.
Wait 8 more years, then you will have your very own time capsule.
Load More Replies...I have an attic. It's full. I also have a basement. It's also full.
You need a garage. (And a place to park your car, if you have one.)
Load More Replies...Why moms? This is our Christmas tradition. Gander toward the DVD player, you will find our 6yo's ornament. The couch? Garland is the year around rage
You don't know what's in them, haven't missed it yet. Take them to a charity like Goodwill and just drop them off. Box unsealed of course. I know it will be hard to do but do it anyway.
The day my daughter became more technologically literate than I was, was a dark day. I used to work on IT help desk, that was the embarrassing bit.
I have done so also.....and my grandkids are outstripping me. My nine year old granddaughter just casually made me a powerpoint while sitting beside me watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets....
Load More Replies...I remember once when my son was about five or six. He opened Amazon prime on the tv. I knew he wanted a Lego Ninjago movie. Our account needed a password to buy stuff. I saw how my son clicked on "buy." My curiosity on whether he would pull it off was stronger than not wanting to waste money on something he would watch just once. I watched carefully as my little boy reached the password request. Without even hesitating, he entered the correct password. He guessed it. I was so impressed (and yet concerned) that l just sat and watched as he paid for the movie. This same little guy is now 11. Although he's gifted and extremely intelligent, he still does not know how to tie his shoelaces (despite my having tried to teach him countless times). He doesn't care and insists l buy him sneakers without laces.
He didn't guess the password, he's heard or seen you (or someone else) use it. It's a problem when people tend to use the same password for everything.
Load More Replies...I've always been the tech whiz. In 20 years I'm probably gonna be asked to repair everyone's printers and PCs. My dad had the same thing happen to him.
Honey, I've had no idea what's been happening for the last 20 years. I treat everything like I do my car. I get in, turn the key, it goes, it stops, and I get where I'm going. That's all.
Here dads on father's day: "Let's go, ride a bike and drink all day - no, of course without the women and kids".
Are you in Germany, too?! ;-) This Father's Day, I went hiking in the Albanian mountains with my friend, leaving the kids with Daddy, and my friend's husband went round to help out. It was fabulous for everyone - they got to barbecue and muck about and I got to just get myself dressed in the morning and not give a hoot where I left my hot cup of coffee.
Load More Replies...From what I've seen it's usually the dads who want to be alone and the moms who want family time
Soooo glad mine are grown. Mother's Day consists of the Spencer hogging the bed, the boomerang cooking brunch and making my favourite dirty chai and the big child phoning from the other side of town because he's "Dadding/Husbanding" at home. Bliss.
Load More Replies...With my kids, Mother's Day was spent with me because I am their mother. Father's Day was spent with me because my now EX-husband wanted to go fishing/camping/whatever by himself.
Mother’s Day: dad tells us to do the dishes for mom and make her breakfast Father’s Day: mom says “so dad wants to play Monopoly and go for a family bike ride”
Dads on Father's Day: I'm leaving the house for a day of playing golf! Dad's on Mother's Day: let's plan a family gathering where mom does all the work. Every. Year
In our household it's the opposite. I want to do things with the kids and their dad never wanted to do anything but be alone.
My dad would wait while we picked out all the black jelly beans. Saved him some work.
Did he like the black ones? I Iove them! Love going to the candy store where I can just get a bag of the black ones.
Load More Replies...What child, or adult doesn't like rolos? I've never heard of such a thing.
In Uno and Monopoly all family ties are severed until the game is over
And Cluedo because who doesn't want to set up a family member for murder?
Load More Replies...My grandpa regularly (several times a week) hosted card games. When I was 8-9, he finally let me play a round of cutthroat (spades) but warned me it was an adult game and they would play accordingly. 50 something year old men crushed me and made fun of me on top of it. I didn't cry so from that time on, I was allowed to play until it was time to start telling stories the kid shouldn't hear.
Game of cards called Snap, i wont just let my child win, her daddy lets her win and she actually likes playing with me better
We just play Risk. I got kids who always roll 4,5, or 6 and I am the queen of 1s and 2s.
I am extended family, out to mild acquaintances, banned from RISK. Cowards.
I used to play chess with my dad a lot. (Still do sometimes). But when I was a little kid he never went easy on me or let me win. Now, I’m a better player than him.
My kids learn long time ago not to ask me to play sports. I make them earn the points.
RISK is the worst. The stratagems, the alliances and betrayals, the false promises, the real anger...
Load More Replies...As the person who’d rather be at home, I’d hope that people wouldn’t take it personally—it’s good for people to know what your preferences are, especially if it’s someone you actually consider a friend. If your self-esteem is so fragile that you can’t handle someone not wanting to be in your company longer, then work on yourself so you don’t care, either way.
Load More Replies...My plans are improving my mental health and overall wellbeing by spending quality time with my feline companions in known and safe surroundings
1000% yes to this. I don't know why someone's got a snot on with you this evening but I'm starting to think I need a cellar.
Load More Replies...I had a really nosy co-worker. I mean, she just didn't get hints to mind her own f*cking business. So one Friday afternoon she says a bunch of "us" are meeting up at X for drinks, wanna come. And I was like "I already have plans, sorry." But Nosy Parker starts asking what I'm doing? "I have other plans". Yeah, but what. I snapped. "Anything other than hanging out with you!". She stopped talking to me. Score!
yes. I have plans for in intimate night with my bed and fuzzy blanket.
I also brush my teeth while the conditioner soaks, that's what I call efficient!
I can do a shower in less than 5 minutes. When you get older you don't have to shave your legs that often. Works for me.
I've read this thrice and I still don't get it. Can someone please explain it to me?
It's amazing what our parents learn from the time we're 3 to the time we're 33.
Ohhhhhhhh now I understand the "kids in the car" sticker, it's an apology, not a warning
Could be worse, my nephew is only just starting to talk, his favourite new word is crash which he repeats over and over mummy crash, mummy crash while she is driving him anywhere lol.
Taking kid to school, pull out onto the highway do about 4 donuts land in the middle of the highway. Put the truck in first gear and take off into my lane. My 8 yr old looks over at me and says mom, that was so cool. Instead of her being scared she was impressed. Definitely my offspring.
Narcissist…and not in the making—they’re born that way. If the parents aren’t, then it’s in the family genes.
I would be dragging his a*s out of bed and telling him he is sleeping outside with the strays if he is going to talk to me like that, It sure stops them threatening you and you have no issues getting them back to bed and to sleep with a better attitude.
Men always aim too high, bless them. Good on you for having more realistic dreams! :D
My wife mentioned Shemar Moore. I mentioned the fit looking Asian cashier at the grocers and then slept on the couch for the night.
Because he doesn't care that it will never happen and she's keeping options open?
I know what is meant - but you could read it as OP playing match-up between her boyfriend and the barista's bother.
You are so fortunate if this is actually a good scenario for you .. feel very blessed!
As a grandparent with a granddaughter who lives with me half the time, I deeply feel this. Raising her is much more exhausting than raising my own two kids...and I was a single mother who worked full time AND went to night school. Grandkids are a blessing but my oh my are they tiring!
This is how I feel asking my mom to watch my 6 year old that I swear I do not caffeinate. She loves him to no end and he wears her out so completely.
Load More Replies...I actually live so close to my grandmother that I can bike out at 5:30, stop at the gas station to get a drink, and still be there before 5:45.
My mother has verified several memories from when I was in my crib or high chair.
Load More Replies...I remember going to a Trailblazers game when I was 5 years old and waking up at home the next day.
My kid: going to sleep at an airport in Nevada, waking up in Grandmas car in Colorado...
I remember a few times being out with my folks and waking up in my bed the next morning in my pajamas. Wish I still slept like that.
Okay but can we talk about how kids dishes sound way cooler than adult's?
So very true. I would take an adult portion of the kids menu items.
Load More Replies...Having a tall teenage boy at home - fill the fridge- come back an hour later, it´s all gone. Repeat.
My chick is still very cost efficient by only wanting breast milk.
Ha. Wait till they're teens and 6 inches taller than you and 5 inches wider in the shoulder...they. never. stop. eating.
In dutch : ik ben twee en zeg nee. Ik ben drie en ik doe het nog steeds nie(t) . Meaning: I am two and say no. I am three and I am still no(t) doing it.
Threenagers. If you though 2 was bad, you might want to go buy more alcohol.
I thought I was safe after 2 and to think I went through it 2 more times. I deserve medals for being mom.
Someone else to figure out “what’s for dinner”
Load More Replies...Crunch time at work. Decide to do fast food after 12 hours at work. I just couldnt make another decision. The guy behind the counter said: I will make it easy for you beef or chicken ? Big meal or small ? Then he choose something for me. I tipped well.
Load More Replies...mine is: trash panda with insomnia
Load More Replies...Bags under my eyes so big they gotta check em before I board the plane
Mine is called the "I hate middle school" brand by Insomniac Eyeshadow.
You want to know a secret? You can totally buy Legos as a grown up. The trick is to have no shame.
Load More Replies...My daughter just turned 3 and got Lego friends as a present from a friend. Her dad loved playing with it 😂
Jokes on you, I still play with legos with my son. We (I) just built the infinity gauntlet not to long ago.
I make my children and grandchildren play a game, what team can put. it together the fastest
Ikea is more fun. At least you won't break your foot stepping in the store.
stupidity is knowing how to do something correctly because you learned. if people haven't learned this fact, then they're not stupid and you just look like an a**e for being such a twatwaffle about it.
Load More Replies...Bring honor to the house, daughter. Ok, I was thinking of Mulan
I don’t leave my stuff lying around for you to pick up and I stay out of your way so you can clean up after everyone else. What do you mean I don’t help out?
only counts if she is willing to commit seppuku if she shames the family name.
On the plus side, if you were a wild teenager, your teenager will be unable to hide as much from you.
This is exactly what my hubby and I (two old punks) are counting on :D but I don't know how to handle "I didn't play Minecraft at all today, it was updating THE WHOLE TIME!" :/
Load More Replies...My dad liked to say "You'll have one just like you". Then he'd laugh and laugh. He was right. Not funny.
I've never really understood this saying. I mean, I understand the statement, I don't understand the insult. My kids are turning into little me's. Good. I know how to handle me. It's everyone else I'm "f**k all" about.
Load More Replies...I've used the 'would you seriously have not done that' excuse once and it made my mother uncomfortable
Let see tie a bed to back if truck going down the field. Riding on side of truck. Racing in nights within lights on. These are the good ones. Oh yeah I had nightmares.
Then he proceeds to buy the fifth bottle of car wash, because that Brand surely works better than the other four
You got my upvote because I don't have to worry about that, I only have the Spencer to consider and he won't wash the car.
Load More Replies...Honey! Stop posting on BP! Our retirement is already on hold!
Me: I'm not a taxi, why don't you get the bus. My daughter: that's ok my friend can pick me up on his motorbike Me: so where is it you want me to take you.
I do that but by politely offering to drive as so as I offer to do the hour long highway drive at 4 am I get more transportation offers (note I did have a good reason for the timing mainly that the airplane left at 8:30)
Load More Replies...As a child my son had no concept of journey time. "Can you take me to ...?" Yes, what time do you need to be there? "Now."
Me everyday working with customers. But I still wonder who is spending all my money.
About when they’re due to start intensive revision for their graduation exams. That 9a.m. session goes out of the window.
Load More Replies...People thought we were nuts when we allowed our baby/toddler to stay up with us til like midnight...until we would tell them that we all woke up together, sometime around 9-9:30 am. I was never gonna be ok with that 5 or 6 am wake-up time!
Can I have sex as a reward? Followed by takeout in the movie and then more sex
You always want ONE person in the household who loves organizing. It keeps life in order, and you’d otherwise have to pay someone to do it, or else live in a chaotic pigsty.
To be fair my mom wakes my sister up TEN MINUTES before we have to leave, and while she wakes up I stress a ton because I’ve been ready for 32 minutes.
Uggghhh my mom has to wake my brother (who is SEVENTEEN) up EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. I swear I'm thinking we should just let him be late from now on, it's such a hassle.
This made my blood boil. Guess who's getting up at 3 am tomorrow buddy.
When my teen said that I went "I tried five goddam times, wake yourself up from now on and plan extra time for walking cuz I'm not driving you anymore either."
I love it. I like straight up, unsweetened, iced green tea. Lived in Japan for a decade and was hooked on Ito En. Drank the green and the dark green. Was so excited when we moved to the states and saw they sold it here too. The dark is hard to find. But regular green is at Costco. It's our main reason for being costco members.
Load More Replies...I have a pair of open toed, strappy heels that have tennis shoe tread on the soles and a padded lining inside. They are the closest thing to an orthopedic heel I have ever stumbled upon, and I will wear them until they literally fall to pieces. They've survived (and helped my feet survive!) all night dancing in my twenties, and many boozy wedding receptions in my 30s, and they are still going strong. Those shoes are, hands down, one of the best purchases I have made in my life.
My kids had to put their plate in the Dish washer. They know exactly how this boy feels.
I'm that kid and I don't know if I like it. Ok, I do, plans are overrated anyway
See, procrastination can save lives! Ehm, I mean useful receipts, same thing really
My chick starts hitting, pinching and pulling on everything and everyone when overtired. Must be a universal toddler thing
I lucked out with child #1, because he’d just put himself to bed. “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep now.” Of course, he’d be awake before the sun… so, it was a trade off.
Googled my symptoms, too... its either the plague, bark beetles or the cylinder head gasket. Oh and its all deadly. Bye! Love you all! 😶🌫️
Just buy chickens. Boom, free eggs. Well, minus the price of chickens, Feeding them, taking care of them, having a place to keep them...
Make sure they're organic and free range. She'll regret breaking up with you.
We use plastic eggs. My brother brought real hard boiled eggs for his kids one year. About 6 months of playing what's that smell, I found a new life form in a Ziploc bag in a "party goods" cabinet.
Load More Replies...In that case, better run and hide, before you are sacrificed to the rage monster.
Load More Replies...Anyone else remember washing the steps with wet paper towels and baby wipes every time?
Only to be relieved when the company cancels at the last minute
I thought a plant in the bathroom had bugs until I looked closer and realised it was toothpaste - no kids at home - just my husband with his toothpaste
I finally figured out how to get my kid to put toothpaste on the brush properly!! The magic trick I was missing was to teach him to touch the toothpaste to the brush and to swipe/swoop/scrape?? it off. Amazingly less toothpaste on the counter. This took me 3 years to figure out.
Yes, it is in common usage but we use programme rather than the Americanised program. Unless it's computing, in which case we use program.
Load More Replies...Mine is always cuddly thankfully. I don’t look forward to the days he starts thinking this is “uncool”.
Load More Replies...It's also contagious. I have always backed in and within a week of moving here everyone one on my side of the street does the same. I'm just too lazy to make sure one of the 4 school busses that stop out front isn't behind me when I need to leave.
Google "martin lawrence woosah" (Bad Boys reference)
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