If you've ever been on parenting duty, you know that it's a rollercoaster in the truest sense. Little ones start to bawl, things break, and suddenly you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But then a dad joke comes along and you know that everything will be alright.
Fathers are wonderful creatures. Sure, they're sometimes charmingly lackadaisical. But they inspire entire TV shows and a whole different approach to parenthood for a reason. Moms don't get how they manage. Nobody does, except the wonderful weirdos that are the dads of our world. The 'Life of Dad' Instagram page has been on the mission to "celebrate the adventures of fatherhood" for a while now, and so Bored Panda handpicked the pinnacle of dad memes from the page for you to chuckle at.
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Dad may be using it, but a mother was the one who invented them. https://nocamels.com/2014/03/mom-creates-harness-that-allows-son-paralyzed-kids-to-walk-again/
You can even see the dad from this post in the photo of it there.
Load More Replies...reminds me of when i was little my dad put my feet on his to teach me to walk. I did this to my godmothers granddaughter and the next time I saw her she could walk
All children deserve parents, not all parents deserve children. Be kind to everyone, you have no idea what they're going through and how much they need it.
The kick your kids out at 18 thread really did show that.
Load More Replies...And as a parent of a child, I always want to be very warm and accepting of their friends. Sometimes kids need an adult they can go to who isn’t their parent. And friendwise, developmentally, there are stages of childhood/adolescence where friends are more important than family, even in healthy living homes.
Unfortunately,not every child has a loving home, parents that truly care. I know too many,that they are just so mom doesn't have to work.
Load More Replies...It's sad to see how surprised some folks are to kindness, as if it's a rare event in their life. Be nice to everyone.
Why do these people have children? It's so f****d up. And not fair to the kids. They didn't ask to be born.
This will happen more and more in post-Roe America
Load More Replies...omg... This past Mother's Day my daughter (14) and her two friends wanted to make me cards. I was expecting the average teenager stuff, you know like HAPPY MOTHER'S day with a heart, but both her friends wrote out how much I have helped and listened to them when they were down. I broke down and started crying because my goal as a mom was to be the person I needed when I was a kid. That day, I realized that I have reached my goal 😌😌😌
You have also shown your daughter and her friend the type of adult and parent they aspire to be. You absolutely rock!
Load More Replies...This is what made me decide I wanted to be a choir teacher. A few days ago my current choir teacher told us he was moving and suddenly we didn't know if we would have a good, loving, affirming teacher next year. That's when I knew I wanted to be able to be the teacher I need and my current teacher was for me.
That gave me chills, I have become the person I needed when I was younger just didn't realise it until I read that
I went through the same thing. Then they other kids would wonder why I didn't like them
Poor wee thing! At least the kid had the sense to NOT invite bullies or little arseholes to his party just because it's expected that he would invite all his classmates! Why should he invite them all just for him to be miserable at his own birthday party!
Sometimes it's not as simple as kids not being nice. They are all children who need help learning how to relate to other children. Don't call them AHs.
Don’t know why you were downvoted, what you said was true. Especially at younger ages, kids are egocentric and don’t really focus on others. They don’t know how to empathize as well as older children and adults, because in their brains everything is ME ME ME. It doesn’t mean that they’re jerks, it just means that they haven’t matured enough to understand others’ feelings.
Load More Replies...My youngest 5th birthday party. We invited the entire kindergarten. Only 1 kid showed up. Truly affected them for years to come.
Where I came from nobody does birthday parties. We mostly celebrate in close family And then get maybe little gift or cobgrwtultion ať school/work And thats it. I cant imagine the anxiety to have a párty And hoping anyone would show up
On the flipside, it's a real tear jerker for those who are fixing their own cars.
Load More Replies...He needs to get a shop, if he doesn't already have one, because you need to pay for those repairs like everyone else.
Everyone in my family knows that if there's a bit or piece that they need for a project, it's me they should go to! We end up using a lot of things that I've saved...
Load More Replies...We also have vintage boards in our garage. They have nicknames. Too short. Too narrow. Not the right color. Too thick...
I've kept boxes for years because it's a really good box. One of these days my time will come.
When your great grandkids use them to take your stuff to Goodwill
Load More Replies...I see what you did there, you clever fool!! Up vote granted!
Load More Replies...I'm dead.. you just described my garage since 1999 I have collected and saved scraps here and there. How many have I used? 1
Kudos, now wth am I going to do with that 8yo mitred moulding?
Umm if uncle frank is his brother, that means he called his own mother a b***h. 😐
Happens frequently... My brothers love "Yo Mama" jokes...
Load More Replies...*uncle Frank slapping his knew And Belly laughing from behind the veil, loving his nephew even more now*
GREAT! Now that toddler will be able to escape any enclosure his babysitter puts him in.
This is sheer brilliance. My kid brother would have loved this when he was a baby.
Pro tip, don't put safety locks on a board like that. A toddler who knows how those work can be a real menace.
my dad still rembers the time i karate shopped my brother in the arm because he was about to touch me.he wasnt.our only rule when fighting was no head
Load More Replies...Reduces the number of creeps in her life by order of magnitude. Good call.
And , I also carry pepper spray and a Tazer! We girls can never be too careful!!
I was always told growing up to be kind to others, but if someone started shît and hit first, stomp a mud hole in them.
I taught my daughter some self defense moves in KINDERGARTEN because some bigger kid (boy) was bullying her. I complained constantly, but no one paid any attention. I had a list of the dates & times I had called the school. I had copies of the emails I sent. No response. Well, he pulled her hair again and she kicked him in the nuts so hard he threw up. THAT got their attention. All parents were called to the school, which wanted to suspend my daughter. Kid's parents had no idea this was a problem. Dad starts going off on me & I calmly informed him that pulling my daughter's pants down was sexual assault & I had every right to call the police. Shut him the f*ck up right quick. Kid was transferred to another school the next day and the principal was suspended.
I taught my girls number to be the first one to hit but make sure they hit last
You wouldn't need to use her as a shield ... Mamas would sacrifice themselves for their babies!
Lol, sounds like my man with his 2 grown sons and our cat we lost just over a year ago. If the house was burning and he could only save one of them - it'd be the cat! Him and that cat, which BTW he never wanted in the first place because he hated cats, were inseparable! He still cries if we talk about the cat! He was so attached to him and it broke his heart when we lost him, mine too though!
This has been going around forever, and I don't care if it's fake, it makes me laugh every time. Kids really do produce the most awkward drawings sometimes.
My son did the absolute cliche rocketship that looks like a peen & testies. He was so excited to show me and it was just the best picture ever. He still doesn't get why it was the funniest ever though.
Load More Replies...Coworker was diabetic. His 7yo daughter did a show & tell about him, and how he got a new (insulin) pump to help him. Unfortunately, she misspoke the condition, and told her class that her dad has diarrhea and got a pump attached to help him.
Well now I'm investing in this story... was said diarrhea pump to give some extra PSI, ensuring you got it all out? Or was it meant to give a cleaning, soothing 'flush' after the fact?
Load More Replies...Probably cuz it’s fake, made up for likes. As a teacher, I can usually spot the fake ones.
Load More Replies...That's the dad lion..who cares if he gets sleep..he can look after the cubs when mum is hunting!!!
The look on his face!! hahahahaha!! Just like the humans!! Hahahahaha!!
What a good dad. And next week when they are best friends, just roll with it
Good on you daddy!! Stand with your girl!! Back her play ,she will never forget it!!
the only photo of me my pop carried. i was 44 when he died TC-008-646...ce225f.jpg
My dad's photos of me and my brother on his desk at work are a similar age. He had moved jobs at least twice since they were taken when he asked his company to put me onto the car insurance, because I was turning 17 and was going to learn. They were shocked, because they thought I was maybe 10 at the most by that point. I don't doubt that he still has those same photos on his desk now, yet another job and a couple of decades on. His colleagues must be *so* confused that his son, maybe 5, is getting married soon.
Load More Replies...Some of these really make me wish I grew up with a father 🥰
True. Worse yet is growing up with a father who didn't give a s**t.
Load More Replies...I have a sticky note that my daughter made years ago with a little drawing saying she loves me. I laminated it and put it in my purse. It always goes into what ever purse I am using at that time. I will never get rid of it because it makes me happy when I see it.
So I have a guilty secret about a clover: when I was little, I picked one and sort of peeled the leaves in half until I made one look like a four leaf clover (I had awful luck and never could find one so I just made one). I went to my dad and showed it to him. He then took it, pressed it between a bit of wax paper, and then pressed it into our family bible. The whole time I just watched in silence and couldn't bring myself to say the truth. I still think about it.
Believe me your daddy knew. That's love I promise
Load More Replies...Grandparents will do little things that make the onion ninjas come out in full. My pop kept a photo of me from when I was about 4 in his wallet at all times, and when he passed and my uncle made an urn for us (a simple wooden one where you can put the whole plastic container the ashes are in into the urn) we put the photo in with him.
My grandmother kept a lock of my hair for my first haircut in her Bible
Load More Replies...Aw, he/she has blind faith in the awesomeness of his/her sibling. That is cute. But maybe step in before they make the first flight attempt!
My friend's brothers managed to get a mattress atop the clothes lines. Why? So they could jump off the roof, bounce off the mattress and ... fly. The boys wanted to fly. Amazingly, they lived to adulthood.
Load More Replies...Many many moons ago, my two youngest had this bright idea that they wanted to play 'piñata'. My daughter decided that my son would hold the bag of candy out and she would whack it with a broom handle. He thought this was a brilliant idea and happily obliged with her ingenious plan. I'm sure you can guess what happened here. Fast forward to the next day when I'm picking my kids up from school. My son's teacher asks to have a chat and seems concerned. "I noticed sons black eye, split lip and scratched up eyebrow. He told me this outrageous story about playing human piñata? I've never had issues with him making things up before so I wanted to ask what actually happened to him." I couldn't help laughing while explaining to her that he was 100% telling the truth. I apologized for laughing and thanked her for her care and concern. At this point, I was so used to my two youngest kids shenanigans that I sometimes forgot that what's typical in our home, isn't always typical for others.
Ooo plot twist coming. Is this parent normal, or American, stay tuned! (Full disclosure, I'm a parent, in America, we're not the best role models)
Make sure you weren’t removed from her car insurance family discount
I wish I could have done this for my dad :( He sustained a catastrophic brain injury when I was 18 and was bedridden/near-vegetative for 20+ years. He died in 2021. I was the only one in my family who stayed at his bedside the night he died, and I was able to hold his hand as he went. But I sure wish I could have at least poured a beer into his feeding tube!
You're a good human being, Lakota. I hope the kindnesses you gave to him come back to you ten fold.
Load More Replies...One of the many things that I regret about losing my Dad so young, (he was 49, I was 19) is that we never got to the stage where we could be friends. We never sat and had a beer together. I see pictures like this and think how very lucky you all were.
My grandfather was "prescribed" one beer a night when he was in the manor. His doctor basically said he was an 85 year old man, and it wasn't going to hurt him.
When my terminally ill nan was in the hospital, I snuck her cigarette smoke in a plastic bottle.
Oh, how I wish I could have done this with my guy! We're doing something similar, a Pub Crawl for my late hubby this weekend (he passed in March, was on life support for two weeks, donated his kidneys, and was gone). I've tastefully prepared 10 small packages to take with us if anyone wants to leave a little bit of George behind in his favourite pubs :-) He was the ultimate warrior as his short obit attests: https://www.affordableburialsandcremations.ca/george-mccluskey/
When my 37 yearly old son was like 4 we were at D.C. zoo. They had those metal trash cans that have those tops. And he kept looking in them. He was looking for Oscar the Grouch.
forgot to say when you wake up from a four hour nap & your toddler is gone lol
I’m guilty of this and paid the price. Toddler woke up before me and quietly played with some cool new stickers they found - an entire roll of postage stamps I had just bought. There were “stickers” on all door knobs and pulls to drawers in kitchen, and in bathrooms also. Most could not be salvaged for postal use. At least our kitchen looked very patriotic that day!
This happened to me. My daughter woke up and paint her toenails red and they all stuck together. She was two.
Load More Replies...Why is this so relatable? I sat down today for just a “second” and woke up two hours later not knowing how I fell asleep 😂
Sometimes listening part of the brain just doesn't switch on just goes to commercials in the middle. I bet everyone has been there, so people should stop getting huffy about it
Yeah... I'm starting to think it's the people that are the problem and not the marriage.
I think it's easy to be overly critical of people who are in long term committed relationships if it's not something that's been experienced. People are human and flawed, and in marriage after many years it doesn't look like some perfect fairytale. (Spoiler alert it never does) Make no mistake there's love in this story and likely the wife and husband had a good laugh about it.
Load More Replies...My girlfriend of 6 months did this the other night when we were asleep. It was so loud, it woke both of us and I couldn't stop laughing about it. She thought it was me and I swore to her it wasn't. She just had this mortified look on her face for about 30 seconds or so. I've never been more in love with her. 🥰🥰😂
Marriage is a sacred institution, but who wants to live in an institution? -Groucho Marx
My husband took in a big snore and then, for about 30 seconds just stopped breathing, I lay there next to him waiting for him to take a breath (his snore had woke me up), I started to get worried that he wasn't breathing after who knew really how long and elbowed him, pretty savagely in his ribs, he took a sip of a breath and then back to normal, snore, snore, snore. Satisfied that he wasnt going to just die, I went back to sleep. That's 30 years of marriage girls
Please pay more attention to this Sandra. It could be the beginning of COPD. He may need to participate in a sleep study.
Load More Replies...If my life is anything to go by, most people look at the packaging and ignore the contents.
Load More Replies...I've never seen magic Mike, shriek I have seen multiple times though
Maybe we just like men. Shape and size don't matter to everyone, you know.
… You’ve never actually spoken to an actual girl about this, huh A$AP? We could have confirmed immediately that that’s no dream. Dad bods are the bomb. And Magic Mike…? I’m sure those dudes are great guys and all, but all I see are gleaming steaks on a meat board. Granted, I’ve only ever actually seen the posters, maybe it’s different in the movie.
wondering why my daughter says shrek is hers. she is just 12.. jokin or not,well.... i can see how her future husband will look like
Magic Mike appeals primally to women, Shrek appeals to men, women, children as a comedy.
Mine sleeps like this when we allow him in our bed AND FARTS. I mean chemichal weapon farts.
Also true for cat "parents" whose cats share their beds XD
Load More Replies...yup babies are like this. my baby brother does this a lot but hes so cute :D
my daughter turned her head towards mom and her feet towards me....and gave me kicks like Chuck Norris!
My husband would tell you the same. Take some comfort in knowing he has it worse because our offspring is a taekwondo green belt. :D
Load More Replies...Check engine light is always on.....really should bring myself in for service.
I'm 15 and currently I have the art taste of a 52 year old, and everything else is 15 year old except I have back pain sometimes.
Now that I am 50, I am more mature. My humor is that of a 14 year old instead of a 12 year old.
Welcome to my world. You wake up to a different ache or pain of some sort and wonder if it's transient or the new normal.
Or mine when I say I need him to blow his nose. I literally have to chase him around the house with a tissue while his snot rocket is almost touching the floor.
As anyone with a dog will understand, a dog can challenge the toddler's speed record in this same category. "Drop it! no, I said DROP IT!!!"
Yesterday I chased my cat, it was an earring in her mouth. Today it was a lego spider
Or a baby chick with something they shouldn't have. They can reach Mack I.
You are blessed. I've lost both my parents. Tell yours you love them.
Load More Replies...Sadly my mom passed away a few years ago and I still miss her so much. She would have loved my son. Fück cancer. Sorry this post made me cry.
Internet hugs for you :( I'm so sorry you lost your mom. I feel you - my dad had an accident when I was 18 that left him catastrophically brain-damaged. He died two years ago after being bed-ridden and near-vegetative for 20+ years. I'd have given anything to hear his voice one more time, but he never spoke again after his accident.
Load More Replies...I get neither. And in my life that makes me the luckiest person in the world!
I disagree, but then again I suffered emotional and narcissistic abuse from one of them for over 25 years. If I could pick them as friends, I would not.
no, the first one is a guilt trip and a long story about how sick she is, the second one is can I borrow some money I had a tough month at the factory
It's true... XD My boyfriend (Chinese, firstborn son) absolutely felt the unspoken pressure from his immigrant parents to become either a doctor or a lawyer. His half-brother was a lawyer already, so he became one too. He was miserable as a lawyer XD (He works, just not in law any more, and his parents are chill with it at this point, but it took decades to get there, lol)
Load More Replies...That's my MIL to my husband, well into his 40s. "It's not too late. You can still do it." She never gave up on HER dream!
Something like that happened to me when my daughter was 2. Got pulled over one night for tail light out. As soon as the officer came up to the window she started, not crying, screaming! I'm trying to talk to him, and comfort her at the same time. I think the officer could see I was flustered. He tried to ask her what was wrong. She was scared but I don't know why. Long story short, not only did he let me go, he had me follow him across the street to the auto parts store, bought the bulb, and fixed it for me 🥰
My younger cat meows more than that in an HOUR XD
Load More Replies...but it does say "arf" almost as much. especially when the nefarious postman walks past.
But my kid and my dog can have barking contests. Spoiler alert, my kid ALWAYS wins
I'm a parent, so I know kids are hard work, but I feel like this is a bit of a snooty attitude. Like parents are the only ones who have it hard.
But she can stare with the soulful eyes and sigh 4000 times til she gets a treat.
… My parents let me know back then. I just… quit the lying, in pure self defence. They got way less p*ssed about me messing up than if I lied about messing up.
Like a unicorn in front of a waterfall made out of dreams. Why aren’t more guys like this?
Load More Replies...I feel old that my first thought is they're going to have heartburn from eating that pizza while laying down.
Preemptive measure... take the Pepcid Complete before you eat pizza lying down, is what I'd say if I was experienced at doing such a thing. (cough)
Load More Replies...I had a super tight work team years ago... We had a jammy party at my house! Bunch of white collar professionals in bathrobes watching movies, drinking and whatnot. Everyone slept over like we were kids and not 30 year olds. Best damn time.
Wow. I want that :( (but how do you eat the pizza without half of the toppings landing on your face? asking for a friend)
I can figure it out very quickly. Give me a pizza and I'll prove it to you. 😉
Load More Replies...Awwwww, they're so cute! And they each have their own pizza, so no fights.
Thank you! That is EXACTLY how I take most of the internet "stories" and tweets/etc. that I read XD They're probably fake, but I'm still entertained by them, so that's good. Some people I know don't seem to get that - they're like "omg but it's FAKE!!! aren't you ANGRY???" lol what? No XD Just take the joke, have a laugh, and don't take it seriously/as truth.
Load More Replies...Okay why is this slowly becoming a compilation of suspicious stories? Lol
Hahahahaha!!I can't breathe!! Hahahahaha! I don't care if the story is bs! Hahahahaha!!
This particular tribe holds a yearly fattening contest amongst the men. The man with the biggest belly wins.
If that's the case, is Nikocado Avocado seen as like the hottest man alive to that tribe?
When I'm down about my post-retirement/pandemic weight gain, I simply remind myself how beautiful I would be in another time period.
I'm guessing he goes outside to pee, bathes in the river, and kills his own food. I'd say yeah, he's probably strong as well as beautiful.
As far as I remember they're drinking tons of blood to get that fat but I might be wrong...
Not sure at all why you got a down vote as you are correct! It’s a combination of beef blood and milk.
Load More Replies...If I was playing with the older controllers maybe but the new ones have too many buttons. I was really looking forward to annihilating my kid in Super Smash Bros. I used to be darn near unbeatable but apparently I don't have the brain capacity to learn how the switch controllers work.
You can do it! Just keep practicing and you'll pick it up
Load More Replies...I'm so terrible at Mario Kart. My daughter and I can play 100 races and she'll go 99-1, then she'll give me heck because I beat her one time.
I used to be able to beat mine. Can't anymore. I can still kill on DJ Hero though
Load More Replies...Not Mario Kart, but old fashioned board games. My 29 year old daughter still complains that I didn't "let" her win when she was little, like grandma did. She would get so mad. I explained that grandma likely didn't always let her win, grandma just wasn't very good at games. I didn't let her win because I wanted her to learn strategies and figure things out. She can now kick my a** in most any game. And, like I used to, she'll give me tips and pointers to help me. Lesson well learned.
This is so funny! My dad never let me win, it help me with learning that life is not fair. Damn, I miss him.
My brother wasn't that much into racing games. One day I finally convinced him to play GT2 with me. I knew if i beat him too much he wouldn't play again, so I trailed just behind him for the whole race, being competitive, with the intention of overtaking at the end to win. I messed up and didn't win. He decided not to race me again after that and now he can say he has always beaten me. D'oh.
I want to be like this when I'm a dad. remember, when you play Mario kart, family no longer exists.
I'll say this once and I'll say it now "I love this so much, i could marry the content"
Of all the wonderful people on SNL, the actors, hosts, and musicians, my favorite parts will always be when the actors loose it.
I put my hand over my mouth and try very hard not to burst out laughing. Oh the things kids will do/say!!!
My husband used to send me pics like this from outside the bathroom door too. A Great Dane, a Weimaraner, a cocker spaniel and two kids.
My dogs learned to open the door so the kids just followed them in!
This might seem funny but she is probably having a mini to medium breakdown in there.
😂 I mean understandable. Subway is not exactly food, it’s more like having a mistake made in front of you.
I didn't know Subway showed videos of my conception
Load More Replies...If you go to a buffet, technically, the meal gets made in front of you.
Not even THAT much, first we go to supermarket to choose snacks and then browsing Friday night movies on HBO. Last Friday was Bumblebee :)
Load More Replies...Do I spy the last good adaptation of Black Beauty? That movie is so good. And also A features Sean Bean in a minor role, before he was famous and B traumatized my sister, who was somewhere between 6 and 12 years old at the time of watching. To this day she is still of the opinion that it should have a FSK 12 rating instead of FSK 6. The original novel was written in the 19th century, about the life of a 19th century working horse and the author very much used it to highlight animal cruelty and human carelessness leading to horrible accidents (plus human affecting stuff like Tuberculosis, social inequality etc.). Everything horrible that could happen to a horse in that time period happens to Black Beauty (who isn't so beautiful at the end anymore) or horses around him. A lot of it isn't even featured in the movie, but yeah, both people and horses are mistreated, get in dangerous situations, get seriously ill and/or die in this story. Tis not for everyone.
The good old days!- I mean in 1996 I was graduating High School, so it was more like I took MYSELF there, but yeah/ there was a sense of ceremony about it- you had to chose right, because you PAID for each individual movie and had to go get it and return it etc- so even if you weren't really into it- by golly you still watched it anyway!
Man I miss c**k buster but pretty sure I owed like a bazillion dollars in late fees
Aw, but I LOVE socks. I have a drawer full of crazy socks. I'm 41, I figured it's finally my time to dress like I want to XD Socks should be a thing of joy for all!
I do not want a boat cruise but I also own too many socks... is there a third option?
I feel this. We used to always give my dad ties. Not sure why everyone decided he would want that.
For my last birthday, my grandkids got me a pair of socks that said " Best. Grandpa.Ever!". They are the most expensive socks I own now.
I will never go on a boat cruise. They will never be a thing I want to do. I have never given my partner underwear for a gift as that’s repulsive and lazy.
Just ask them what they want, then if they're not sure, offer them socks. They'll come up with something better very quickly.
Man. I didn't activate them once. Never again.
Load More Replies...Bro did they just cover the original watermark and stick a boredPanda over it??
The green is already there on the original post on Instagram.
Load More Replies...OMG. My husband did this with a giant unabridged dictionary in the middle of the floor. I gave him five minutes to look for it. And then I yelled into the room, "How's the search going?!" And he insisted he couldn't find it. I asked if he was sure, and he gave me that pleading response that said he couldn't find it. Peeps... He was standing RIGHT OVER THE DICTIONARY in the middle of the floor. It was literally between his feet. He had to move his feet around this behemoth of a book in order to navigate the room. OMG.
It’s an everyday occurrence in the house. His mother can’t find anything either.
The amount of recyclable "trash" in these pictures hurts my hollier-than-thou European eye like there is a toddler poking it over and over :(
FYI, some places don't have recycling. My best friend has to take hers to her parents house. Because, the city wants to over charge the condos where she lives.
Load More Replies...because it's division of labour. Traditionally wife's job is to cook man's job is to remove trash. At least in the west. hence the piled up trash is cooking stuff. The roles are nonsense of course, but if he was allowed to not do the minimum task of taking out the trash, what would he do? sit on the couch?
Load More Replies...She shouldn't have to. You live there, too you lazy f*cking jacka$$.
Exactly that! Why would you watch this happen and just do nothing but wait until the other's fed up with it and does it?
Load More Replies...I do the garbage and yes I’m a woman. My partner doesn’t do it. He’s cooking and doing the dishes as I’m bad at those.
Yeah, exactly. My little nephew was just born and as cute as he is - no biological clock ticking here yet (and I'm the older sister). Happy to babysit, though.
Load More Replies...I can only have kids if I adopt, use IVF (I think that's what it's called), and sperm donations. So I'm in the clear(I'm a lesbian for context to this)
My hack, as a mom of 3 kids, is: when you are calm, they are calm. This applies to almost anything, really. Bedtime-anything. Getting them up and dressed in the morning. Having them try new things or goto new places lije school, kindeegarten or a store. The list continues. So let me repeat: when you are calm, the kids are calm. (Sometimes it's not an option to be calm and that's ok. Just prepare for some rebellious a**holes instead of (mostly) sweet kids. :)
You shall survive. It takes a while, but they'll reach majority, and several years after (when you get used to the quiet) the world will be yours.
My daughter: I would like to go back to Japan again. And can we order sushi tonight? Me (thinking the company Daddy works for has just gone bust and the translation industry I work in has collapsed due to AI): Did you know that ordering sushi costs 100 weeks of pocket money? Mummy and Daddy work hard but sometimes we don't have the money we need to do all the things we want. But that's OK. We have the basics and we love each other oodles.
It’s all the couch’s fault in my house. And gravity is an accomplice. All family members are innocent bystanders in the whodunnit mystery of “where did the remote go?”
This is funny, I lost the tip of one of my earbuds and searched under the chair cushions. This is a hand-me-down chair, but I didn't have that in mind when I began my exploration. Absolute truth, I found a key fob with a VW & house keys, a Sony remote of some sort, and one of those looong wand/lighter things. Heaven knows what else is in there, but I was laughing too hard after I found the lighter to continue. ETA, never found the earbud tip.
Load More Replies...The dog has it...and he put it under the cat. So good luck with that.
Stand up! I asked you if you were sitting on it and you LIED to me. Stand up!
I just like that the interrogation goes so quickly. "Are you sitting on the remote?" "No." Then they immediately get called on that: STAND UP!
I am 33 and refuse to do high fives for exactly this reason. Someone did that to me in primary school. Will never forget that feeling. Fck you Timothy!
Don't go crying to your mama 'Cause you're on your own in the real world
Very accurate. We found rituals and made them evolve through months (songs, or naming body parts, explaining each step...). Very useful. * Edit: typo
Until that one day where kiddo decides they want to repeat step two 45 times in a row?
Load More Replies...I learned to dress a wiggly almost toddler in any direction. Upside down, backwards, doesn’t matter. I got this. Now diaper? Um, no. I don’t remember this being an issue. I do know we kept toys there that he only got when getting changed so they kept his interest. We also sang and talked like Nadine mentioned.
I'm 19, and I'm 99% sure there's contents in the very back of the fridge that have never been touched since I was born.
As a mother of a 13 year old, no, no it doesn't get easier and they're less cute also.
It is true. The first few months of parenthood are the toughest. Before that you were almost completely free to do what you want.
as a mum of 6 kids over 30. They don't get easier; they just get more expensive.
I used to have to completely shave my son's head when he was little, due to his severe seborrheic dermatitis. I came home one day to find that his dad had taken blue chalk and drawn a big blue arrow on our son's head so that he could look like the kid in Avatar: The Last Airbender. I laughed so hard!
The one on the left must have not gotten the memo; Party on, Wayne!
Partly autocorrect and partly that it's always been that way but is now more visible?
Load More Replies...Dump all the clean clothes on your bed and have them find all the socks while you fold/put away everything else.
The map of the beaten track in my head is not easy to overwrite. Why don't they understand that?
Oh they do understand. Just like they understand that by re-arranging you'll walk that beaten track down the wrong aisles where they hope you will impulse buy something not on your list.
Load More Replies...The best part is when you ask a sales associate where something is, and they don't know either.
Load More Replies...Yeah, it makes perfect sense that TP and tampons are separated by toys, housewares, office supplies, and clothes.
I refuse to go to the one that just reorganized. It’s like anarchy.
I feel this. Sometimes I'd gird my loins to clean/organize a room in the house, feel a bit weary in the middle from all the lifting/sorting, lay down for a second to rest, and bam, three-hour nap... XD
I kicked my mom in the ribs all the time and also ended up making her water break and give birth 3 weeks early. My sister gave my mom a herniated disk and massive short term memory problems, the amount of times she locked her keys in the car or left them hanging on the outside of the door was ridiculous I'm told 😂
Load More Replies...My little girl was a dream but my son definitely gave me attitude in the womb and flipped me the bird while he was nursing not 3 hours after being born! :D
this is my husband. then we have to pass all the same cars.........only faster.
Unfortunately they bet on someone who, to be frank, would be turned into glue if they were a horse. But it's too late now.
Thank you for the new descriptor. Im going to use this to describe myself to new people.
Load More Replies...My dad always does work even when he’s on holiday. He doesn’t do it because the company is making him, he does that because he does nothing but work. He even brags to people by saying that he still did work despite being on holiday
Not married, but been with my boyfriend for 22 years. He falls asleep before me - every night - and I hear him snoring. I have a lot of problems sleeping and hearing someone snore blissfully is somewhat maddening XD I'm not mad at him though, but sometimes it's like "OMG YES YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP EASILY I GET IT STOP MAKING IT SO OBVIOUS!"
If he's falling asleep very fast and he's snoring there is a good chance has sleep apnea. Almost guarantee it if he also complains off excessive sleepiness during the day. Especially if he's a bigger guy
Load More Replies...Trouble if it happens in the middle of your significant other's question, "whose turn is it to take out the garbage?" and it's yours.
Load More Replies...This is SO my life! I feel sorry for my wife, who often has to deal with insomnia. I can honestly say that I have had insomnia fewer than 10 times in my whole life, and never has it lasted more than 4-5 hours. Otherwise, I fall asleep within 10 minutes of head hitting pillow. It pisses her off.
Mine can fall asleep while talking to me. Days a lot about my conversational skills, huh?
I am at that level where you can fall asleep in the lounge chair, but are wide awake as soon as you head hits the pillow in bed.
It's more of a crappy girlfriend IMHO (most of the time men fall asleep faster than women but there are exceptions). Marriage with kids is sleep when you can and each one has the other's back.
my dad would totally do this. i didn't have my phone for 7 months this year lol
"Dads Being Dads: 144 Posts And Memes That Sum Up Fatherhood". This is a very Dad thing to say.
Load More Replies...This strikes me as the guy is clumsy..but at the same time quick witted. Should he be hired? Depends on the job. As a waiter - probably not. As a salesman - he's the guy.
I was at the shops last Christmas and they were selling "Elf on the shelf surveillance cameras". I actually bought one to put over my front door in the hopes of fooling would-be burglars.
I’m probably already close to being classified as insane
Load More Replies...The person telling this and the lady in the bank both have dads 😆
Load More Replies...Tis a cruel trick that pregnancy leaves you heavier, just at a time when you really need to avoid squeaky floorboards.
This is so sweet - encapsulates everything about how important you are to that little person, but also how annoying they can be when you're exhausted!
I stop answering any questions or replying in anyway except to say go to sleep. My speech delayed, non talkative kid suddenly is able to remember a story about today when it’s time to sleep.
Load More Replies...My 9 year old is not even allowed to eat in the car and somehow I still find crumbs under his booster seat.
SO many puffs were under than damn car seat when I finally took it out. I'm not sure any of them actually made it in to his mouth!
I'm kinder. I split it 8/8 and eat one. Then when they come to get theirs I yell "dad tax" and eat two each.
I never knew either my dad or my math teacher was on here.
Load More Replies...I saw a mom do a similar thing on a plane. The meal was pizza or chicken, there was only one pizza meal left, all 3 daughters wanted pizza. Mom got the pizza, whining ceased after 30 seconds.
calendar it in, then you won't forget. as soon as you know what the plans are.
lol i would forget everything if my parents didn't put it on our family calendar
Load More Replies...I know it's a joke, but like...weaponized incompetence is not funny. If she tells you something like that, put it in your calendar. It's not that hard. Most of us carry it around in our pockets all day.
Also 90% of being a teenager. My mom will scream what from downstairs and I ask what she wants and I get no answer lol.
there's also the thing where you're always in the way in the kitchen.
The kitchen is for making food and drinks, and if you don't ever do either of those things, you are just in the way
Load More Replies...Well this fact goes across species.. https://youtu.be/dpvLj_OB-Y0
I let them do it, they do eventually run out of energy. Like at 11pm.
If you put them to bed at 8:00 they MIGHT fall asleep at 12:00 or 1:00 am
Yeah no. They probably wake up at the same time but COMPLAIN about being tired.
... or when I picked s.th. up from the floor in an Instant - now it takes ages!
To wash the pesticides off. And the filth of other peoples hands who may have handled them in the store.
Load More Replies...I do. It took years, but she told me yesterday that she's finally starting to see it herself instead of not fitting the idea of beauty that was shoved down our throats as kids
Load More Replies...😂 my spouse is the oldest sibling in his family. My mother in law once confidently said “oh they get over it” with regards to older siblings adjusting to new babies in the family. Well, the look on my spouse’s face when his mother said that was an utter master class in silently saying “get over it? Not fücking likely” even after 30+ years of “adjusting.” It’s a memory I cherish… and the reason we’re stopping at just one kid of our own!
My dad never did anything "soft". Instead, he taught me how to fix things around the house, how to use a grill, stuff like that
Mine too :) I had mostly male friends all through my childhood/teen years, and I was the only one who knew how to do any car maintenance/checking. My dad also taught me to grill, how to fix small appliances, how to change brakes and oil, how to rehang a screen door, etc. :) Woot for the dads who taught their daughters useful life skills! ;)
Load More Replies...He had a daughter but he still abused me physically and mentally. That’s not soft to me
This is a gross over-generalization. I get what they're going for, but that is most definitely not a given
This is how I sleep when she gets into bed with my and my wife, and I love it.
In my house that voice gave the subtle message of “if you don’t obey me then I’ll beat you and force you to do so”
Okay, but XD This is gonna be kind of grody but, my dad had a catastrophic brain injury when I was 18 and we decided to take care of him at home. He was pretty badly brain-damaged and had to wear diapers and was bedridden. I SWEAR he sometimes would look at me like this when I went to change his diaper and I'd be like "DAD NO PLZ" and the next thing I know... yep, pooping during a diaper change XD I don't have kids, but taking care of my dad for 21 years gave me a bit of a preview XD
May the Sun, and, Moon,and Stars shine on you forever for taking care of your dad.
Load More Replies...This drives me nuts. I make WAY more money than my husband and I sure as hell don't cart a picture of him in my wallet lol
I’m 15 and I have no clue what most of the slang means.
Load More Replies...Ok. Not going to lie. I’m 37 and was so close to looking up what “no cap” meant yesterday haha
I looked up a while back too. Cap = lie. No cap = not lying. So basically, “For Real”. “This sandwich is bussin, no cap!” = “I find this sandwich to be enjoyable. Honestly.”
Load More Replies...38 here and I used the term OG (original) a few weeks ago and then got praised by one of my 13 yo daughters for using it correctly in a sentence.
I'm under 20 and I have no idea what half the things people are saying is
My daughter has two of these that I still use today, she's 16. Instead of saying "It's sunny today" or "the sun is really bright" she would say "It's shiny today" or "the sun is really shiny" The other was just a number. "Daddy school is going to be 800,000 hours long today." So whenever she asks me "How much longer is this on?" or "When are we leaving" my initial response is always "800,000 hours " She stays ALWAYS rolls her eyes. I love it!!!😁🥰😂
i said cinimon as cinmon and when my ma told ashe still regrets it
Load More Replies...I’ve taught at every grade level. In Kinder and 1st grade, the kids say “pasghetti” and “hanitizer” and “packpack.” But that summer break between 1st and 2nd grades ruins them. All of a sudden they’re eating spaghetti… and using hand sanitizer and backpacks. 😢
I used to say something to my brother when he was just born which didn’t make sense in my mother tongue and it roughly translates to “it’s not trouble but it’s not like I’m being troubled”. My parents still repeat that and I roll my eyes at it. My brother used to sing many weird songs and one of the best ones he sung was “when he’s from the coconuts” and I sing that all the time even though my brother gets annoyed by it
Not really the same, but I remember, when I was a very young child, my mother used to "joke" with me and pretend that the word "purple" was pronounced "poiple". I'd be like "No, Mom, it's PURPLE!" and she'd be like "That's what I said. Poiple." Back and forth with me saying "Purple!" and her insisting "Yes! Poiple!" It drove me NUTS as a child and she'd reduce me to tears of frustration sometimes (I was a small child when she did this.) She would also sometimes call me "Penelope" and pretend like it was my name and always had been. (My name is Crystal.) The fact that I still remember this at age 41 probably shows how unfunny she ACTUALLY was, but she thought she was hilarious XD
This happened to me today at work. 2 kids asked for seconds of yoghurt and had one spoonful and were done!
As a kid, I thought hot dog buns were "fancy" and we only got them on our hot dogs when we were out someplace special (like a baseball game or a family member's BBQ party). At home, it was ALWAYS regular bread slices used as hot dog and hamburger "buns"... XD
Love how kids will insist you cut off the crusts of bread, but happily eat hamburger and hot dog buns 🤔😕
OMG YES! This was used for everything when I was a little kid! I used to make bacon and mayo sandwiches (don't knock it til you try it) Spaghetti sandwiches with butter, or I would roll it into a ball and just take bites out of it. so good
When I see a little kid standing their screaming their head off in the middle of the supermarket part of me is going "ugh" and the other part is going "I wish I was still allowed to do that without someone calling the police".
Could it be because she can't even go to pee without 2 children, a dog and 3 cats accompanying her?
I don't know why, but I have an ingrained loathing for end pieces XD I see them as gross. My mom hates them too and I think she passed on that misconception to me XD
Load More Replies...If it were real bread I would happily fight for it. But this ... this isn't bread ... it's unfinished toast. This is bread! real_bread...7cdcae.jpg
well, they are part of the loaf of bread that you paid for? they are edible. and have always been fought over in my household....
Same. My 5 year old was in the room. For a year now at least once a week my daughter asks "daddy did you accidentally poop your pants again" no and thank you for shouting that loud enough for the other parents at the park to hear
Load More Replies...don't do it. Tell them you are heading to the car. Anything that is forgotten or left behind is gone for the day. Tough. Let the teachers s**t on the kids. Do this 1-2x and they get the message and are ready in time.
I just tell them if they aren't ready on time they must need to wake up earlier. The threat of having to wake up earlier works so far
Load More Replies...With my boyfriend its the opposite... i have that 10-year old sense of humour and he just rolls his eyes like a grumpy grandma when i show him something funny... 🙄
How comes I can somehow relate to both of you?
Load More Replies...Also, financial worries are not for men only - nor should men act as shields between the world and 'their famlies', as though women were still confined to the home and to private matters. The very wording is disturbing. Women also have dreams that they put aside to focus on the reality of raising kids, and they keep their temper - or is it implied that they were meant to dream only of marriage and family?
Load More Replies...I was feeling quite sympathetic but then had to read that twice... devalues men. WTF. Good luck bro
One does not simply “buy a new one”. I try to buy a new one and I get pain in my neck. Then I try another 3 and they don’t work. So I’m back to the old one. So I buy a fancy orthopaedic one and it’s like sleeping on a brick.
Load More Replies...Do you mean Terrence, Hugh, Mac and Janine? They’re just in between pillows right now though I don’t see anyone really looking for a new place.
Load More Replies...Except when you are black, then you can just go to buy milk quickly and Bob's your uncle. New single life unlocked. Guys, it is a joke that I see many times on here, down downvote me all the way to Satan's cellar.
Nice if this were true. I know many more deadbeats than good ones. I feel like this applies much more to moms.
So what? What's the problem? We're not allowed to look relaxed and not-primped-to-the-nines? We're not allowed to NOT spend hours on our appearances because we're in our own HOMES and can finally lower the facades we show in public? Ugh I know this meme is supposed to be "funny" but this concept infuriates me. If I want to wear my pajama pants all day, and not even put on a bra because I'm in my own house, I'm sure as Shinola GOING to.
