30 Of The Wittiest Dad Jokes That May Help You Finally One-Up Your Own Dad

Why is it in a bucket?

Ooooooff

You should have one of them claim the vote was rigged to make it seem more realistic 🤣

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And falling, tripping, things jumping out in front of you out of nowhere, like people, cars,houses,trolls, purple elephants...

They must be full of delight, right?

Yes sir, I value my life; I'll have her home by ten.

Oh, this one is cute 🥰🐢

WAIT HOLD UP THIS IS GENIUS

They're texting someone with the name "dad" yet the person also refers to them as "dad" Sorry this bothered me really badly

I read a recent government study that said three out of four people make up 75% of the population. Not sure if I believe that.

That's just quakers.

Multiple upvotes for this concept!

*sigh*... "Spare him his life from this monstrosity"

This joke was so dry, I heard your niece (knees) crack up

The KY truck crashed a little further up the road, but everyone was able to slide through without too much trouble.

At least he is putting himself before others 🤣

Took me a minute 🤣

I set mine to "lettuce" so it would last longer. ;-)

And I'd watch it on cable.

...She was the last obstacle in my way...

Heard a keynote speaker at a physics symposium use this joke. Ugh. It bombed. LOL Poor guy.

Should do this with all my friends.. lots of hugs then

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This implies that the wedding video starts at the bar and follows the groom to the church before the wedding starts, which would be a very interesting wedding video.

There clearly was a spark between them

As a desi person… this awakened something in me I never knew was there…

Marry me! 😍

And sleep you shall again, nevermore

So... It should be 'sodd'?

But will he be able to play the piano???

Yeah I heard his vacation was a great "trip."

😂😂😂😂😂😂

A colander, and a conspiracy theory about in-person voter fraud?

Heard this in the voice of Charlie Drake!😂😂😂

Wow, I think OP needs some aloe for that burn, hot damn

Hay now, this is a serious condition.

I see what they did there 😏

Ya know.... I never heard that song til recently. Now I'm seeing references to it everywhere!! How odd!

And I'm disappointed by that

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They all came for the Milky way martini, heard it was out of this world.

According to my BMI, Ive grown too short.

LOL!

I never, EVER pass up the chance to tease old people. (I mostly get away with it, because I'm old.)

Love it.

I guess it's time to start tagging her in tweets.

But he doesn't remember WHICH medical journal! Does this mean something?

I must use this.

😂

The toddler has started to say 'oh shît' for me when I drop something. That's so thoughtful of her

You'll receive 6 eggs in 6 different boxes and a book on dishwasher maintenance.

A lot of people have spotted that crows are being hit by trucks and lorries. When they're eating on the road, one waits as a lookout. However, they only ever say 'car! Car!' so the other birds don't fly high enough to avoid trucks and lorries.

My O My

My O My

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Awww

…that’s one way to tell us you like to play with metal rods…

I told my (now) husband when we first met that my favourite flowers are Cadbury's Roses.

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It depends on whose butt it's coming out of.

*pecks away*

And why does it always seem that the Richards who go by Dic.k always end up being dic.ks?

I wish I called a thousand times

Just like when someone threw a block of cheese at me. How dairy!

Took me longer than it should have.

I hear she had a nice asp

This really needs to be their company logo.