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This Twitter Page Collects 50 Of The Funniest News Headlines Ever Spotted Online (New Posts)
We say this advisedly: news headlines are a whole other world. Being defined by attention-grabbing pith and clever use of puns, sensational tabloids prove time and again that the news is anything but boring. Love or hate the yellow press, but wordsmiths know that scandal sells, so they conjure up outlandish headlines to help us keep tabs on every hilariously bizarre thing happening on our planet.
Need convincing? Just take a look at the 'Mental Headlines' Twitter account. With nearly 119k followers, the social media project features some of the funniest, weirdest, and downright bizarre titles and news stories spotted online. Ever since its first post, this page proves that wild and ridiculous human antics will never go unnoticed.
From "Police Hunt For Man Who Chewed Bus Seat" to "Baby Made To Wait To Hours For Unicycling Doctor", we have wrapped up a collection of some of the best headlines from the account. So pull your seat closer and brew yourself a hot cup of coffee because we’re about to take a hilarious ride down to the land of absurdity. Be sure to upvote your favorite pics, and let us know what you think below in the comments!
Psst! For more headline madness, check out Part 1 of this feature right here.
More info: Twitter
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
AxleMunshine001 3 years ago
That city is so crappie that it just might give a stroke if you go anywhere near it.
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Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Oh God this reminds me of a video of a cop frisking a guy and asked what's in his pants and the guy just nonchalantly goes "it's ma pęnis"
Catch 22ish 3 years ago
That one of the chip frisking the guy asking what this was, while gripping his d... Cop didn't hear a 1st time that it was his penis, but others cops did & were laughing
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RELATED:
#2
Kate 3 years ago
Pft this guy's had "Welcome to Cleveland" on his roof in Milwaukee since 1978: https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/welcome-to-cleveland-sign
GoGoPDX 3 years ago (edited)
I know this will make me look dumb, but Can someone explain this please? I don't get it.
Goth mouse (they/them) 3 years ago
They made people think they were landing at the wrong airport
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Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
I saw one where a guy had "Welcome to Cincinnati" on his roof - in Chicago.
Qadgop the Mercotan 3 years ago
A rooftop in Milwaukee has a sign on it saying "Welcome to Cleveland"
RandomPanda 3 years ago
I want to do this so bad, but I don't have the time or energy to do so.
#3
Amber.exe (She/They) 3 years ago
I need to know why places think it's a good idea pro ban shorts for guys,they'll find a loophole
CalicoKitty 3 years ago
In some places I assume they think no man would dare wear a skirt. This has been proven false numerous times, but sometimes people need consequences hammered into their heads. Not sure what they were thinking banning shorts in kilt country, though. That's just daft.
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Benita Valdez 3 years ago
I can see the safety aspect of no shorts but then the ban would have to include skirts/kilts/dresses. If safety isn't an issue in skirts then it should be ok to wear shorts
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Oh my. "The luik on her face when I showed her mah wee kilt wi' nowt under but mah William!"
Analyn Lahr 3 years ago
What was wrong with shorts? Collecting garbage is sweaty work. He just wants to stay cool.
Atreïdes 3 years ago
Only one way to find out…😏 Well, two, I guess, if you count asking him. But if this is a genuine question, probably not.
Load More Replies...The 'Mental Headlines' project is fairly new as it only started up in April 2021. It’s safe to assume that most Twitter users follow the page just for fun, but accounts like this are a great way to show how many weird events are happening in the world. A brief scroll through this list may be all it takes to convince you that reality is truly stranger than fiction. Even when we live in a digital age where few things can genuinely surprise us, people (and animals!) still manage to exceed our expectations.
News stories ranging from charming to downright bizarre inevitably lead to funny headlines that are gaining popularity online every day. One reason behind this is that the accessibility of the internet has become a powerful dissemination tool. Amusing news items from far-away places are much more available now, providing entertainment to millions of readers every day.
#4
Scott Rackley 3 years ago
Sir, you're going to have to come downtown with us.
Load More Replies... Staysafewarmdry 3 years ago
Cincinnati, Ohio police used to ticket and sometimes tow visitors who parked in handicapped spaces because the city did not recognize their valid out of state handicap stickers and placards.
SoozeeQ 3 years ago
That sounds like revenue-raising. I hope they refused to pay and it got thrown out of court.
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Laura Ketteridge 3 years ago
I've just had a look at the parking space on Google Maps. There's two parking spaces, and there is a sign by one of them saying 'disabled badge holders only'. (You can see some of the sign in the far left of the car photograph.) It looks like the sign applies to both parking spaces. (There's a car park less than 30 seconds walk away(
Michael Largey 3 years ago
He should write out a check for the fine and then offer them the check's shadow as payment.
DC 3 years ago
I once peed on the shadow of my pants. Now, can I be considered incontinence because of that, or does it take actual wetting accidents to make me so?
Sarah K 3 years ago
I like how you're applying the "if a tree falls in the forest.." concept to incontinence. It shows you're a deep thinker. DC, you win the internet for today. This is the best thing I've read in a while. All the upvotes!!!
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Shelby Minchew 3 years ago
Hmm, is the meter maid extra vigilant or extra stupid? I think stupid, reeeeaaaly stupid.
#5
Freddie Torsten 3 years ago
In my backyard (in Sweden) we had a huge apple tree. One morning we woke up to three moose standing there eating the apples on the ground. When they saw us they tried to run away but since the apples had fermented they kinda couldn't - one ran straight into a fence, another one into a barn wall, the third one almost reached the forest! (don't worry, they were just fine after a little nap)
IamMe 3 years ago
We had a black bear drunk on apples on time. It was stumbling and rolling all around. One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
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Heather Talma 3 years ago
I read this as the seagulls were drunk and the ants were falling over and vomiting
#6
TheEndIsNigh🇨🇦and🇬🇧in🇺🇲 3 years ago
IKR?! I was just thinking, how does one come back from that? Not only do you faceplant, but your dress flies over your head (showing your goods to queen & country), and all of this happens in front of your kid, your kid's friends, and all of their parents.😳 I would just lie there and pray for the ground to open up and swallow me whole!
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To gain more insight into our fascination with weird news, we reached out to Dr. Vincent Campbell, Deputy Head of the School of Media, Communication and Sociology at the University of Leicester. According to him, tabloid-style translates very well into the digital world. "The pithy, clipped tabloid use of language suits the rapid clickbait culture of online and social media. Whether that's ultimately a good thing in terms of the quality of news overall is a matter of substantial debate, of course," Dr. Campbell told Bored Panda.
The associate professor pointed out that tabloids and clickbait use similar approaches to attract audiences. "The ease of superficial engagement — the seconds looking at something then clicking to the next thing is a key factor."
#7
Mia Black 3 years ago
Yeah sorry but 3 ft = 90 cm... If you are disabled or just packend with groceries this can lead to safety problems. We have this here very often because of parking cars (illegal on sidewalks) plus sometimes bushes or Garage cans. I hate it to have to make me thinner or go on the car lange because of this
Lauren S 3 years ago
I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I think you might have missed the joke!
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GoGoPDX 3 years ago
t doesn't matter if you have a huge bush, trimmed bush, a bush in the shape of a heart, A decorated bush, a little bush, or even no bush at all. As long as the bush is your own on your own property and it makes you happy, you should be able to.do.what ever you want to your bush!
Catch 22ish 3 years ago
Holiday decorations add a festive touch to your bush
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Nathaniel 3 years ago
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f*****g bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f*****g bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f*****g beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No" Duck says: "Got any bread?
Mike Beck 3 years ago
Always heard it with grapes. Bread makes more sense. (For those talking about the song, this story predates the song for kids)
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Kookamunga 3 years ago
By "loses" they don't mean dead, do they? I prefer to think they forged a long friendship afterward. duck-and-d...dac59c.jpg 
John Dilligaf 3 years ago
A duck walks into a bar wearing a hard-hat, safety vest, and tool belt. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer." Flabbergasted, the bartender pours a beer and hands it to the duck. He tosses it back and orders another. The bartender can't believe what he's witnessing but pours another and watches as the duck downs it in one gulp. "Where are you from?" asks the bartender. "Construction site across the street, I'm a bricklayer. One more please, and I'll be on my way." Pouring a third, he asks the duck, "Do you know how much money you could make with the circus?" "Circus?" the duck asks and slams his last beer. "What the hell would a circus want with a bricklayer?
Amused panda 3 years ago
Clearly the duck should have fought the dog before having a celebratory drink, harder to flap some pup in the face when you can't waddle in a straight line. Still, must have been pawsome to watch.
#9
Pieter LeGrande 3 years ago
First they pulled down all the statues to slavers, then evil politicians. Now they are having to scratch around to keep the momentum going.
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Kookamunga 3 years ago
Let me share the funniest seagull video of all time with you. Sound up. https://youtube.com/shorts/Q0UZ9BDI4B8?feature=share
Another thing that changed with the rise of social media is that the readers became fully integrated into the process. "Now the audience does the work for you as a producer, through all the liking. upvoting and sharing. The relative costs of trying to find something that has a wide reach when compared to traditional media content, a Hollywood genre film, say, are also much lower," Dr. Campbell explained.
"Also, lots of scope for things that might have once been much more niche 'weird' areas of interest, trapped in specialist subscription magazines, say, to get out into the wider media environment/public consciousness and achieve far greater reach."
#10
Rachael Sampson 3 years ago
How so? The way people look has nothing to do with who they are.
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#11
Kookamunga 3 years ago
Here's the otter in question and the homeowners otter-in-w...926a33.jpg 
Eastendbird 3 years ago
Thank you - was just about to say it's like an updated version of Goldilocks.
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Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
I'm a little house jinks Call me Mr. Otter... Damn my puke stinks... D'yah have a glass of water? Had a bit much at the beaver lodge pad But I didn't drive home, (Or hump your cat), not bad!
#12
Kookamunga 3 years ago
Come on, don't tell me this doesn't turn you on. sexy-forkl...450bb2.jpg 
Fat Harry 3 years ago
I remember this (the incident, not the question about sex). It was an Aussie guy, only a young chap I think, 17 or 18. Pinned under a forklift following an accident off a bridge, if I remember correctly. I'll find it. OK. He wasn't Australian, but from Montana, and he was 19: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8978251/Teen-entire-bottom-half-body-amputated-Montana.html
Tina Smith 3 years ago
Thank you for the link. All jokes aside - I'm glad Sabia and Loren have found a way forward.
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Rachel McManus 3 years ago (edited)
That question is insensitive and invasive. Their personal life is and should remain private! For people curious about this young man, why don't they ask about his wellbeing?! This 20 year old was working in the forklift on a bridge when he plummeted 50ft, severing his arm and crushing his lower body in September 2019. When he was finally able to speak he "told his family to keep him alive even if he was just a "head on a plate." A young man with inner strength deserving of respect as does his girl friend/wife who has been by his side from the beginning.
Dawn Field 3 years ago
He and his wife have a Youtube channel. It's Sabia and Loren
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Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! 3 years ago
He had to have a hemicorporectomy or he would have died. The crushing injuries were too severe for any other option.
The catchy and odd nature of these stories sparks our curiosity and boosts our desire to consume them. The best headlines (and the most hilarious ones!) grab the reader’s attention and invite them to a noteworthy adventure. And it’s no secret that getting your headline clicked is hard work. To make an impression on the potential reader, it has to be sharp, accurate, rhythmic, and a perfect tease to the words that follow.
But since it’s often difficult to make day-to-day happenings sound intriguing, it’s much easier to come up with absurd headlines to intrigue the audiences. As Dr. Campbell said, everyday things are rarely news. "Thousands of uneventful plane journeys every day is not news, the occasional plane crash is always news. So, news is kind of predisposed to the unusual, unexpected — even in the routines of things like political news, the search is ever for the latest brewing scandal, or gaffe or what have you."
"Beyond that, given 'serious' news is so often focused on the bad things happening in the world, 'weird' news acts as a kind coping mechanism or pressure valve, offering moments of levity and humor to counterbalance the bad stuff," he added. "Even when stuff is obviously nonsense, it serves in a kind of boundary space between fact and fiction — just as things like the Weekly World News used to do, online media does that now."
#13
Agfox 3 years ago
I can see the BS adverts on my screen now: "Women cool down using this one simple trick. Air-conditioning salespeople hate them!"
Mavis 3 years ago
experts are urging women not to try this at home.......but totally OK to try it when out at the shops.
Uncanny 3 years ago
Call me crazy, but turning on the aircon is my go to for cooling down, not sticking ice in my lady bits.
Bouche Clay 3 years ago
Ok, Crazy, but I have to agree with you. I've never woken up thinking it's so hot I need a popsicle in my hoohah.
Load More Replies... tuzdayschild 3 years ago
Um...thanks but it turns out my brain works properly without your help.
#14
Bobby 3 years ago
Oh... I thought it was a typo. Thought it should have been 37th. I was thinking man that airline is messing up seat assignment left and right
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Monika Sadowska 3 years ago
Would have worked if he was the guy who had that forklift accident
neil jagurdo 3 years ago
This is sad, it must be so hard for larger people on commercial flights. I sat next to someone on a flight who needed an empty seat on each side but had to sit in the middle. I still feel bad I wasn't more friendly but normally don't talk much on flights anyway. If I was uncomfortable (she shared my seat with me pretty much) I know she was as well. Airlines need to make changes.
#15
Madam Puddyfoot 3 years ago
It reminds me of a bank robber in my state who ran away on foot. He thought it was a good idea to strip down to his boxers and pretend to be a jogger to get away. The only problem was that it was in the winter and 10 degrees out. Apprehended immediately.
Wise beauty 3 years ago
“Yo Jerry, do you think that bear is looking at us weird?” “Jeff, how stoned are you? You know that teddy bears don’t move right?” “IT JUST FREAKING BREATHED!!!!” “No it didn— WAIT WHAT DA FAWG?” *Bear stands up and attacks*
Tiny Dancer 3 years ago
What on earth is happening to poor Teddy in that second pic? Is that how the thief got in there?!
With the right mix of panache and simplicity, it’s entertaining to devour stories that bend the limits of imagination. But they also prove that most things can be considered newsworthy these days. The problem is that with such heaps of stories that grace our feeds every day, we have to ensure we take no information for granted as truth.
According to Dr. Campbell, anything can be news — it's all about context. "Like the recent front page headline in the Metro about Boris Johnson that read 'PM Turns Up for Meeting', as this was quite unusual for Johnson to actually be seen to do his job."
"Headlines are more about attracting the reader, so there's arguably more leeway than in actual reporting, but there can be lines over outright falsehoods, in terms of acceptability if not lines that news media outlets, even mainstream ones, never cross," the associate professor said. People need to become informed and savvy consumers of media and always question the stories they come across.
#16
Fat Harry 3 years ago
Telegraph = right wing = anti immigrant = this is probably misreported nonsense.
PupperPanda 3 years ago
Don't believe anything printed by the Telegraph, the Mail, The Sun, or The Express in the UK . They're renowned for their lies.
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Amused panda 3 years ago
I'd been wondering who the non-English speakers were too. Looking at the article, it seems the Afghans believed English isn't spoken in Scotland and Wales.
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El Dee 3 years ago
Lots of refugees have traditionally rejected being housed in Scotland. They have been fed information about it via the British press putting them off eg thinking it's violent etc. Quite a few years ago a large group were housed in a near empty housing estate scheduled for demolition in Glasgow. They made it their own and formed a good community. When it was due to come down they didn't want to leave..
Ladi Fuller 3 years ago
First of all you are a refugee, you take a home wherever it is given to you. You can't be picky.
#17
Cat Palmer 3 years ago
https://rifnote.com/2021/07/11/london-borough-apologises-for-having-actor-in-bare-bottomed-monkey-costume-with-mock-genitalia-encourage-kids-to-read-more-books/ Although this still leaves many questions unanswered...
Bobby 3 years ago
I understand that they meant to book someone who would dress up like an animal, but found someone who focuses on more adult humor. Just an example of someone booking something without checking what it was
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Tina Smith 3 years ago
Bored Panda from the States here - I'd rather have your weird headlines than the ones we have :-)
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AnnwylTheBloodyLovesFerghus 3 years ago
Wheee! We've got the palace to ourselves!
Load More Replies... Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
This sounds suspiciously like my fifth grade sports coach. That said, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it's probably a chicken in drag. This guy however, there's a lot to unpack there.
#18
Lydia Nijland 3 years ago
I thought a lot of Britts loved to eat lamb, so I don't see the problem... Where else do they think lamb comes from?
Abrufal 3 years ago
Speaking as both a butcher and a hunter most people that eat meat are perfectly okay eating meat right up to the part where the meat gets killed. Then if you do anything other then sob over the dead animal before it's shrink wrapped you are a monster.
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Nonna_SoF 3 years ago
My money is on Ramsey, no way he doesn't bring a knife.
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DC 3 years ago
... all the bigots are upset now, huh? Hey, newsflash: Meat is the actual body of an animal that is not alive anymore and didn't just die voluntarily. I don't see him doing any worse than anyone who buys that stuff at the supermarket, it just lacks the dishonesty.
Giovanna 3 years ago
No: he's making fun of the animal. This is what disgusts me. You treat animals with respect. We all know where meat comes from, and most of he meat eating ppl I know wouldn't have the guts to kill a lamb.
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JLM Studios 3 years ago
Why is anyone mad about this? I might understand if it was a vegan or something but like. If you eat meat your responsible for what happened to that animal for it to be meat. Im not saying dont eat meat, you just have zero right to be offended if you eat meat.
Sydney Smith 3 years ago
I would be okay if this was purely all in fun, but I’m not on board if he was really actually picking which one to slaughter.
iblewsheep 3 years ago
if you do it to a chicken, it's funny, but a lamb or sheep..... er nevermind
Unfortunately, many readers forget to do their due diligence before sharing stories on social media. Researchers at Columbia University and the French National Institute published an independent study where they found that 59% of all links shared on social networks have never actually been clicked on — users retweeted the news without bothering to read it.
"People are more willing to share an article than read it," study co-author Arnaud Legout said. "This is typical of modern information consumption. People form an opinion based on a summary, or summary of summaries, without making the effort to go deeper."
#19
Misty-Dawn Amayi 3 years ago
The emu was trying to sell him affordable auto insurance coverage and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Happens all the time here in America.
LoneTomato 3 years ago
"Swerving into the shop wasn't the worst thing to happen to him" 😂so ominous
#20
CalicoKitty 3 years ago
That's got to be an interesting conversation. "Sorry, you're really cute, but my synaesthesia makes your name smell like p**s."
Daniel Yamada 3 years ago
I have a form of synesthesia in which I can taste some colors when I see them. The more pure the color hue, the more likely I am to be able to taste it.
Emo Sloth 3 years ago
Wait do they taste different every time even if they are the same color? If not, do different shades of the same color taste similar? How does that work?
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Ducki 3 years ago
I actually have a form of synaesthesia where I can taste a couple names and words. It's weird. I have a friend named Ruth, her name tastes a little bit like...ice and cherries.
Lauren S 3 years ago
Ice and cherries sounds nice. Have you ever known more than one Ruth, and if so, did their name taste different or the same? Wondering if the person impacts the flavor or if it is only the letters. I also wonder what happens when you see/hear words in other languages, can you ever taste those? What word/name tastes the best?
Load More Replies... Engelhafen 3 years ago
He needs to write a book about all the secret smells associated with names
Sophia Clough 3 years ago
And he uses he/they pronouns for anyone wondering.
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#21
Deborah Harris 3 years ago
Those are no ordinary cornflakes they're posh ones :p
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Stephanie A Mutti 3 years ago
It's the right response to someone ringing your doorbell at midnight for a cup of milk to go along with cereal.
Deborah Harris 3 years ago
The thing is this is the norm in Wales, we live on the road home from the local pub and the number of absolute nuttas we get knocking the door on their way home is insane. 'Can I use your toilet?' F**k No!!! Can I go through your garden to get home? ' Bugger Off!!
Quitethedilemma 3 years ago (edited)
I'd be taking the cereal as well as telling him to f off. Crunchy nut is a great midnight snack
This is why Dr. Campbell stressed that "always read the article — don't go just on the headline" is crucial to follow. "It's important to be a reflective consumer of claimed factual content — don't assume that if it aligns with things you already think it's necessarily definitely the truth, and always try to use a range of sources of news to check before sharing anything with others."
#22
Nathaniel 3 years ago
It wasn't just the end of his finger that glowed....
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#23
Madison Feehan 3 years ago
I'm sure they could all throw something together! 🥗
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Quitethedilemma 3 years ago
People pay loads for smashed avo and this person is just throwing it away.
#24
Laura Ferber 3 years ago
I think it's because the headline and picture make no sense. So breathe easy; you're not dumb.
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Jessany Trotter 3 years ago
Yeah. Ok… Now try telling the head editor that you weren’t stoned at the time…
"I don't really share some of the more catastrophizing views of online news, that fakery is endemic and undermining democracy, etc. because, to an extent, news accuracy has always been a problem, weird beliefs pervade human history, and audiences interact with content in more complex ways than is often claimed."
"It's still the case that overall people now have many more competing and varied potential sources of information than they did decades ago when people read one newspaper, watched one television news broadcast, and maybe listened to one radio station. It's in our hands as audiences to take advantage of that potential to be reflective and critical consumers of news," Dr. Campbell concluded.
#25
Paul Macdonell 3 years ago
I bet he gets drunk at a bar and stretches out his arm and says ' I'm this big" !
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2022/may/03/the-man-with-a-penis-on-his-arm-review-tv-that-makes-you-proud-to-be-british. Quote from the gentleman in question: “Six years with a [bleep] on me arm. Something to tell the grandchildren, isn’t it?”
#26
Nathaniel 3 years ago (edited)
Now that's a lot of f**s. Edit F a g s, slang term for cigarettes.
thEBOrdeSTpaNDA 3 years ago
Smoke a fág in Britain: smoke a ciggarete. Smoke a fág in usa: kill a homosexual. 🤔
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Tiny Dancer 3 years ago
Oh, this is rich. Had to read it twice. Aussie slang for cigarette is dart :-)
Angelo Attoni 3 years ago
Smoking cannabis long term will make your brain smaller and your butt-hole wider after going to jail. But by smoking cigars you are entitled to blow your...smoke on their disgusted faces and tip it off in their eye sockets!!!
#27
Nilsen 3 years ago
Anything preceded by "absolute" or "utter" can be a term of abuse. You utter curtain! You absolute bookend!
Ladedah 3 years ago (edited)
My husband once got himself in trouble for asking a judge if he was "... wearing [his] hypocritical cape today." He had been in court fighting a traffic ticket and had apparently not believed the judge when he said he had never driven under a yellow traffic signal 🤣
Bobby 3 years ago
Well to be fair that is illegal. Yellow lights actually mean stop unless it is unsafe to do so. If you have plenty of room to stop but choose to continue you can be ticketed even if the light was yellow the whole time
Load More Replies... Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
Bless you Brits for making Absolute an indispensable addition to insults.
Kiss Army 3 years ago
Putting the word "absolute" in front of any noun makes it a right insult, I think...
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Well insulting a judge or yelling is cause for being held in contempt so not surprised. It's their discretion whether or not to fine you or tack on a few more days. I enjoy watching zoom court cases on youtube and have seen a guy fined $100 per curse; think the total was about $600 before his mic was muted. The judge can even reduce or repeal the fine or additional jail time given for contempt if you sincerely apologize during your next hearing
#28
Daniel Yamada 3 years ago
The title could have just said "dullest man", and we would have guessed that it was in Britain.
Amused panda 3 years ago
Yeah, but this way we know he beat the dullest man in Scotland to the dullest man in GB title
Load More Replies... Gemma jones 3 years ago
Lol I don’t know my husband is pretty dull. Everyone says if he was a colour he’d be beige lol even the police said it lol
Beverly 3 years ago
It was actually quite interesting, as are most of their "Experience" stories.
Load More Replies... #29
David Martin 3 years ago
Look, we can't all be bit by radioactive spiders or exposed to gamma radiation; Super heroes have to play the hand they were dealt
Angelo Attoni 3 years ago
They would have brought the cuffs as a bonus...
Load More Replies... Angelo Attoni 3 years ago
-"Baby do you have a rubber?" -"I'm full of rubber!" (from the "Chucky's bride").
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#30
Amused panda 3 years ago
Poor thing was found under a hedge the next day, as escape attempts go, this one sucked
#31
Remi (He/Him) 3 years ago
This pervy sob even hit the news cycle all the way in Finland. Small story and in a tabloid, but still. Internationally famously a trash human.
Load More Replies... Wise beauty 3 years ago
They probably caught him ogling at the nurses boobs.
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DC 3 years ago
... this sounds like one of the more immature scenes of a teenager comedy, where some smartassish ugly boy shows the stupid football captain how to do that, and therefore is considered cool, and one of them and stuff. But, honestly, people who pull of such in reality, and then somehow get caught, in whatever weird chain of accidents, deserve being punished another few times for them being stupid but acting as if not. That, I think, is contributing more to the worlds suffering than anything else outside of purposeful torture.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Desperate times call for depraved and dangerous measures? It repulsive.
#32
Hey! 3 years ago
I hate that song; it's cheating on both sides and they think it's funny or sweet - whatever.
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#33
Madeleine 3 years ago
I am thinking his one word is more likely “cerveza.”
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fanta_pants 3 years ago
A few years ago Bathurst (major Aust touring car race), caused a kerfuffle when they introduced a limit of 1 slab (24 cans) per person, per day.
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Goth mouse (they/them) 3 years ago
How is he gonna confess that? ‘forgive me Lord, for i have had a affair with my hoover while wearing fishnet stockings’ 🤣
Bgray450 3 years ago
Hey, my close friend had a scary diabetic episode - she ripped off her nightgown, hopped off the gurney the EMT's had her on, and went running down the street naked. Luckily it was the middle of the night, and they quickly caught her. She spent 4 days in the hospital and remembered nothing about that night, or a couple days before. So I mean, he could be telling the truth.
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Benita Valdez 3 years ago
I would've expected it to be geese. Geese wouldn't surprise me in the least since they're demon birds but gulls surprises me
Ladi Fuller 3 years ago
What in the world is going on with these seagulls? Now I am getting scared of them.
Nancy Lynch 3 years ago
They love to eat just about anything. They will fight each other for a small scrap of food. I grew up on the West Coast of the US.
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MSP 3 years ago
For a moment I thought the shop in the background had an...interesting...name (rhymes with sitoris)... happy to report that I stand corrected and it's called Clinton's
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Quitethedilemma 3 years ago (edited)
What the f**k. Seriously BP you censored F ECK. Rolling my eyes so loudly y'all could absolutely hear it. This getting silly
Ronda News Channel 3 years ago
He couldn't wait. It should be fried first so that it becomes cowhide crackers
Henry Russell 3 years ago
ill have the bus seat with a side of car railing with some nails as seasoning
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Kookamunga 3 years ago (edited)
When you're yelling in the street, trying to fight a cheese cheat, you're in Moray!
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Lee Macro 3 years ago
When you're angry and fraught at the cheese you just bought.....that's a Moray
Paul Macdonell 3 years ago
My God , what's next ? Are we going to have to pay for the crackers too ?
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Jill Rhodry 3 years ago
"I was diagnosed with MS and I just thought, I need to get healthier and feel better." - she visited a hypnotist and now it's a variety of foods.
Mistiekim 3 years ago
To be fair - MS isn’t necessarily tied to one’s diet. So her eating those sandwiches isn’t the cause like the headline is implying. But she was smart and got help to be sure from now on she’ll be eating healthy.
Omi bub 3 years ago
To be even fairer, crisp sandwhiches are also absolutely delicious
Load More Replies... Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Sounds like this vegetarian I used to know in high-school; she didn't like fruits or vegetables so she only ate junk food basically
April Stephens 3 years ago
Could have been me! 😜 That's how I was as a vegetarian, but now I eat all kinds of healthy foods and am not too picky.
Load More Replies... Lauren S 3 years ago
So for my uncultured American self… this is like potato chips on bread? And crisp sandwiches are actually a thing regular people eat? Like just chips and bread, wait, it did say buttered. I grew up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and putting French fries (your chips?) on sandwiches was a regular thing, but the sandwich still included mean, cheese, veggies, etc. so I’m not judging. Just deciding if I should try this.
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CookieCrump 3 years ago
How? Does it lad to farmers on tractors, which lead to sexy men on tractors, which lead to-oh I get it now.
April K 3 years ago
🤣🤣 Not sure exactly why, but your comment made me laugh out loud
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Paula Pattison 3 years ago
He is an MP and was in the House of Commons, shouldn't have been looking at tractors either
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Khara Mei 3 years ago
This situation is because she is a resident and her designated parking space isn't accessible, so she parked in a visitor's disabled space. Just explaining the situation, nothing more.
Remi (He/Him) 3 years ago
Whoever designated that parking spot should be yeeted to the Atlantic 🤬. But thanks for the extra info
Load More Replies... TheAquarius1978 3 years ago
I'v seen worst, a few months a go a man in my city got fined for blasting thru a toll booth widout paying, now the problem is we live on an island, we don't have toll booths here, the dude was caught in a mainland city, but neither the man nor the car ever left the island...
JJ 3 years ago (edited)
Probably happens in Germany too, because you need a certain paper to display visibly in your car to park in a disabled spot. And to get this certain paper you have to do a lot of paperwork, give proof and the like and it's still not guaranteed you get it (e.g. if they think, you can walk a few steps just fine). Plus, even if you have it, if you don't display it visibly, you're still not allowed to park there. Yeah, bureaucracy is a great thing here ...
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Hugh Cookson 3 years ago
This is Grimsby folks ......... on a scale of 100 in weirdness , this would merit a 10 at the most ; on most Saturday nights the general population will turn up more weird s**t than you could ever, ever imagine !!
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Kookamunga 3 years ago
Here's another heatwave headline too-darn-h...56a326.jpg 
Serial pacifist 3 years ago (edited)
Avoid drowning by staying out of water…please continue the thread.
Reviewer UK01 3 years ago
This annoys me every time on the TV when they say avoid building horror stories by using a reputable builder, then give me no follow up information at all as to how to find one. You think we were all searching for disreputable builders all this time and all we need to do is switch to the good guys? Didn't realise it was so easy!
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Javier loh 3 years ago (edited)
If this was true he could almost fill 9 big hot air balloons. There are 157.788 million seconds in a year. Multiply that by 5 is 788.94 million seconds. Let's say that an average fart is 1 second and the average fart is 0.065 liters. 788.94 million farts for 0.065 liters is 51 281 100 liters. A big hot air balloon contains about 5663369 liters. That is just over 9 large hot air balloons. (9.0548 5sf)
Babyoda42 (he him) 3 years ago
Wow…I’m amazed you took the time to do all that…Bravo! (I’m not trying to be sarcaastic)
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Susanne B 3 years ago
That is hard to believe, but suing for any real or invented damage seems to become a popular sport
Load More Replies... I'mNotARoboat 3 years ago
I'm not so quick to judge. It was his choice to eat it but some foods can change the gut flora in ways most people don't understand. I'm sure there are ways he could remedy the situation though with a change in diet.
Susanne B 3 years ago
Of course your gut flora can be damaged by eating improperly, but ONE roll?
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Sue Denham 3 years ago
I'm just imagining the court case with everyone trying to keep a straight face while the complainant makes uncontrollable noises.
Tarryn Louise 3 years ago
Sounds like a medical condition, completely unrelated to eating ham 6 bloody years ago.
Heather Talma 3 years ago
Am I reading correctly that this man has been farting continuously for five years straight??
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Fat Harry 3 years ago
To be fair, the residents were all told about the closure and cones were put up, but this guy ignored them. What were the workmen supposed to do?
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Amused panda 3 years ago
It's not the first time and probably won't be the last. I seem to recall there was one where someone left a car on a street where there was no parking for works, they came along to paint double yellows, used a crane (or forklift or something) to lift the car, painted the lines, put it back and then a traffic warden ticketed them.
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IDK_Something 3 years ago
Olivia Lisbon's comment below reads: It was a children's ward, in an effort to make it more kid-friendly this particular doctor used a unicycle to get around. The mother saw the doctor riding up and down the halls and round the wards on a unicycle, and when the same guy turned out to be her kid’s doctor two hours later, she was really pissed off. Though it doesn’t say anywhere he was scooting around doing nothing else - he was probably doing important stuff, just using a more novel form of transportation. Bit of a non-story, really, but that’s the Daily Mail for you :/ (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-366624/Baby-wait-hours-unicycling-doctor.html)
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Lyoness 3 years ago
Why are so many of these from the UK? Is it the Marmite? I bet it's the Marmite. Yeast spread clearly messes with your brain.
I'mNotARoboat 3 years ago (edited)
The subreddit (sorry, looks like a Twitter page) from which these were pulled are pretty much UK based stories. It is titled "mental headlines" after all.
Load More Replies... Aoife Lorris 3 years ago
Is this a baby being born? Because I don't think they wait for much, no matter how cool.
Freddie Torsten 3 years ago
So they booked the doctor because the baby really wanted to see that and he was two hours late??
Laura Ketteridge 3 years ago
More information about this story can be found at https://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/7148405.doctor-unicycle-provokes-anger-babys-family/
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I'mNotARoboat 3 years ago (edited)
There is a term that I can't think of that's basically where two people fall in love during a stressful time but often later the sparkle fades as life becomes boring again. She might see him as a saviour and developed a complex while he obviously got bored and she is a novelty.
StarlightPanda! 3 years ago
What horrible people..I hope his ex-wife moves forward and finds happiness.
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
OP's wife didn't want to join the Russian Army, but now she kinda has to.
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Vanessa Richardson 3 years ago
Even crazier, she fully admits having s e x in this guy’s car and is not claiming something absurd like “she got the sti from some surface in the car.” She really thinks that the car insurance should cover her “injuries” the same as if she had been injured in a collision as a passenger.
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Annette Easton 3 years ago
If Geico is held responsible for someone getting an STI in a car, imagine all the babies they could be help responsible for...
Bobby 3 years ago
Actually this is all on geico. As I read it she informed them of intent to sue and offered to settle for 1m. After a year of refusing to respond it went to the courts and was arbitration to 5.2m. Now geico is appealing saying they never had a chance to argue their case. Because a year isn't enough time to get your ducks in a row...
StarlightPanda! 3 years ago
If getting an STI is her claim, then she's absolutely in the wrong. You can't contract an STI from a vehicle. A lot of people are so corrupt.
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Jordi Sharpe 3 years ago
That seems to be the question. I'm tired of celebrities saying or doing s**t like this, then making half-assed apologies and everyone goes, "Okay, we love you again!" Give Will Smith 6 months. He'll be back.
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Remi (He/Him) 3 years ago
Oh lord (Byron, so someone doesn't get ligitatory), there was a burger special on Easter in Stockholm with the exact same name. Who are these snowflakes who have time to complain about a bun with a pun and why are they winning the cases?
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Bobby 3 years ago
I thought it was a song. Like shave and a hair cut. Thanks for clearing that up
Load More Replies... Remi (He/Him) 3 years ago
Doing that to someone who's probably scared already and trying to get back to what's real is straight up abuse. And the nurse is a sadistic sob. Sorry for going off, but imagine yourself in that situation and thinking you're backsliding because you might think the knocking is in your head as is the nurse snickering in the corner.
Vasha ᓚᘏᗢ 3 years ago
American here, so I had to look it up. Means knocking on his door and running off /disappearing before he answers.
Bianca Saville 3 years ago
Called 'knock down ginger' when I was a kid in east London many years ago.
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Ladedah 3 years ago
I'm not even going to lie, this s**t is kind of funny! I'm a neuro nurse and, as a professional, would absolutely never do that kind of thing; However, that being said, I can certainly picture how this went down and get the giggles just thinking about it 🤣
Okiedokie 3 years ago
As someone who has seen how incredibly violent a scared paranoid person can get I have zero respect for this nurse. She put potentially her entire unit in danger & traumatized a pt for laughs. This is only funny to people who have not suffered from or had violence done to them from people suffering from mental health issues.
LittleWombat 3 years ago
I hope she was fired for abusing a vulnerable patient! Talk about someone who should not work in a position of trust!
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Quitethedilemma 3 years ago
The squirrel should have disguised itself as a butterfly. No one ever suspects the butterfly!
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Robert Trebor 3 years ago
Yay. But still, "I hate poodle" could be seriously misinterpreted.
Load More Replies... Daniel Yamada 3 years ago
How about "math" instead of "maths"? That way it is only one thing instead of many.
Autistic apricot 3 years ago
But will the cheese we know be changed to maths?
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Christos Arvanitis 3 years ago
American here. I'm often amused/confused how the UK uses inches for some things and centimeters for other things. Honest question- any rules for this?
Robert T 3 years ago
When measuring genitalia, the inch is the favoured unit. Same applies to double-entendres like this. ;-)
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Ellie Vanille 3 years ago
This reminds me of After Life. It's the kind of news Tony had to cover. He was not impressed. :)
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Bobby 3 years ago
Except they make very similarly named products for just that purpose?
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Ember 3 years ago
I’m very confused? She chatted up a dog on FB? A dog had a FB account and liked to chat with random women? She planned on having s*x with the dog? I have so many questions…
Reviewer UK01 3 years ago
I'm assuming she has a human (presumably an ex) with whom she's not allowed contact. She found out the ex has a Facebook account for his dog and messaged the dog, violating the order. That's only a best guess though.
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Seedy Vine 3 years ago
If he keeps on walking with a sword down his trousers at least he probably won't sire any more kids.
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Hugh Cookson 3 years ago
It was a 13 year old boy - he was probably off his head on hormones and being a real bloody pain in the a**e !! I've had to teach 13 year old boys in the past and, trust me on this, despite being of a calm disposition and of reasonably sound mine, I wanted to kill most of the little bastards every single day !! Whisky was my friend at the end of the day.....
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Lawrencium 3 years ago
However the real Big Bird does still set off fireworks inside on a routine basis
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Hugh Cookson 3 years ago
Can'y go any lower - oh, no wait, the Tories are still in charge - I'll rephrase that, it will get much, much worse until the bastards are kicked out of office.
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Helena R 3 years ago
Traumatising for parents and potentially very serious injuries for the baby. Regardless of whether it's a doll or not it's a really weird and aggressive thing to do. Nothing is funny about this at all
Load More Replies... Autistic apricot 3 years ago
Why would you punch a doll anyways, this is really bad and I bet there all traumatised
Seedy Vine 3 years ago
It appears the baby made a full recovery (phew) https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/thug-punches-newborn-baby-head-8781095
Nullspace 3 years ago
I see everyone saying it’s not funny but WHY IS S IT FUNNY TO ME IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME
Bobby 3 years ago
Well distance can make the difference between tragedy and comedy. If you see comedy where we all see tragedy maybe you have a little more distance from empathy than us?
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CelticElff 3 years ago
Wow, he's really desperate to milk his 15 minutes of fame, isn't he, the worthless git
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BasedWang12.3 3 years ago
said "spared jail" Wonder about fines and whatnot
Load More Replies... Francine Govan 3 years ago
I'd upvote more than once if I could, Sophia! 😁
Load More Replies... Nullspace 3 years ago
Um I would chuck a baby but I am not okay mentally so don’t listen to me
Load More Replies... Seedy Vine 3 years ago
Looks like she was given a suspended sentence. I believe this means she could still end up in jail if she doesn't fulfill certain obligations. https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-throws-baby-police-causes-21007908
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Jo Lynn Ward 3 years ago
Wish I could upvote this remark more than once, superb.
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Add New Image
What do you think ?
Eastendbird 3 years ago
My favourite headline was in The Sun, reporting on a football match between the Scottish teams Celtic and Inverness Caledonian Thistle FC. Celtic were expected to win but Inverness (shortened to Cally Thistle) managed to beat them. The headline was: "Super Cally Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious" P. S. Just think of Mary Poppins if you don't get the joke...
L Johnson 2 years ago
When I was in England, I loved to read the paper. There were a few that had these "zingers" in them. I love "play on words". There were tons of political puns but not knowing the system and how it work, I was sometimes lost. I did have a friend that spent the time explaining, but we met up at a pub, so after drinking a few pints, nothing made any sense.
Cindy Brick 3 years ago
So many weird Brit items here -- I don't know which one to choose! (They ARE a strange bunch at times -- but always interesting.)
Eastendbird 3 years ago
My favourite headline was in The Sun, reporting on a football match between the Scottish teams Celtic and Inverness Caledonian Thistle FC. Celtic were expected to win but Inverness (shortened to Cally Thistle) managed to beat them. The headline was: "Super Cally Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious" P. S. Just think of Mary Poppins if you don't get the joke...
L Johnson 2 years ago
When I was in England, I loved to read the paper. There were a few that had these "zingers" in them. I love "play on words". There were tons of political puns but not knowing the system and how it work, I was sometimes lost. I did have a friend that spent the time explaining, but we met up at a pub, so after drinking a few pints, nothing made any sense.
Cindy Brick 3 years ago
So many weird Brit items here -- I don't know which one to choose! (They ARE a strange bunch at times -- but always interesting.)
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