There was a time when wedding vows were very standard for everyone: a priest would read them to you during the ceremony, and your only role as the bride or groom would be to say “I do.” A lot has changed since then, and while some people might still opt for classic vows, others come up with unique wedding vows to make their significant other feel special on the day they celebrate their love for each other.
If you and your soon-to-be life partner share the same sense of humor, it may be a good idea to prepare funny vows for each other. Just keep in mind when you are coming up with wedding vow ideas that the entire wedding party — however big or small you choose it to be — will have to listen to you, so you should probably avoid saying anything that will make your listeners feel awkward.
Coming up with funny wedding vow ideas is not an easy task, so if you want to brush up on your writing skills, we have got a bunch of examples of wedding vows that will tickle your funny bone, make your partner appreciate you even more, and give your guests a chuckle. Vote for your favorite ones and let us know if you incorporate any of these in your personal speech.
Do you know any fun wedding vows? Did you happen to say some to your significant other on your special day? We look forward to reading them in the comments.
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"I promise to open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it."
"We look pretty good. What is it we were all dressed up for?"
"I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you’re hungover."
"Let's be dumb together — just plain stupid. Make bad choices, eat the wrong things, take the bad turns, and then let's tell great stories, the same ones — forever and ever until no one can stand us but each other."
"This is a lot of pressure, huh, I better not blow this... what’s your name again?"
"I promise that for as long as both of us shall live, I will not use all of the hot water, I will share the blankets, I will keep the supply of toilet paper replenished, and I will do as many dishes as I can, so bless me, God."
LMFAO I can't promise any of those things.... sorry, future wife...
"I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring snacks on our road trip through life."
"The hours you spend playing video games will go unnoticed by me because I will be too busy scrolling through my instagram feed."
"As soon as the appetizers are brought out, I solemnly swear that I will update all of my social media profiles with the status 'married.'"
And not make a post that says "Bridget and I are no longer dating" instead of "Bridget and I just got married".
"I vow to love you even as you scan through all those movies without picking one to actually watch."
"I promise to always respect your choice of music in the car when you are driving. If you are not driving, however..."
"I promise to take the bins out… occasionally."
"A pair of penguins mate for life, across hundreds of miles of tundra. The female penguin travels to bring food to the male, as he watches the egg over a month of sub-zero temperatures. As your husband, I promise never to ask you to do anything like that."
"I want your worst—give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers, give me your every day, and I will give you my love to make it alright."
"I promise not to drink your drinks, even though I am thirsty and your drink is literally right there."
"I promise to love you through IKEA, be it during the buying or assembly of furniture procured therein."
"I promise to refill the toilet paper that you very likely will never refill. I mean how hard is it?"
My husband makes towers out of the used empty loo rolls in the downstairs loo. Upstairs they get jammed in between the rails of the towel rack, for some reason. When it’s full or the tower falls, I chuck them away, and the game begins afresh.
"I vow to be by your side throughout the horror movie you’ll watch."
"I promise to agree that you really are the best driver on the road and always know exactly where you’re going."
"I, promise to love you, even though you have an unhealthy obsession with Taylor Swift. I promise I will learn to love all of your favorite pop stars, and will not criticize your choice in music from here on out."
"I promise to post you on my Instagram every Wednesday for Women Crush Wednesday and to block any woman that isn’t you on social media."
First bit, sure. Second bit, why? If your trust is that low, maybe don’t get married…
"I’m a Libra and you’re Scorpio. Let's prove astrology wrong 'til death do us part or our lack of compatibility, whichever comes first."
"I keep thinking of the beginning of UP... is that a problem?"
It’s amazing how much Up creates a bond within ten minutes, and with very few words. A masterpiece.
"I promise not to turn the light on, open the curtains or deliberately clatter about when you have a hangover."
"I promise to embrace all your weird habits, even when you eat peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon."
"I vow not to carry on watching a Netflix series we started together without you. Or at least pretend it’s the first time I’ve watched it when we watch it again."
"I love you, pants or no pants."
"I promise to comfort you when your football team loses… again."
"I promise never to take my hanger out on you."
"I vow to somehow get to the end of this thing without ugly crying. I hope I can keep that one!"
"I promise to turn on the air conditioning when you're hot—even if I'm totally freezing."
love this im saying this to my boyfreind soon to be husband when we get married
"As one volcano said to the other, 'I have a dream I hope will come true that you'll grow old with me and I'll grow old with you — I thank the earth, sea — the sky I thank too — I lava you.'"
"I promise that I will set up automatic payments for all of our expenses so that we can stop fighting over it."
"I vow to believe you when you choose to ignore the red light since you are familiar with a quicker route."
I promise not to serve you with Divorce Papers while you are in the hospital recovering from your car accident.
“There’s an old Irish saying that goes, Cramagorrah Rowe Egonhah. Wait a minute. I might have accidentally cursed you. I am so sorry…"
"I vow to be your spell checker, and grammar friend and tell you when things need hyphens. I promise to be your partner in exercise, even if I am much faster than you, and most of all, I promise to try things, even though I am sure I will not like them, just because you say, 'Try this!'"
"I vow to nearly always notice when you’ve had your haircut."
"I promise to buy you takeout for dinner every night because I love you too much to allow you to fall victim to my cooking."
"I promise to let you know when you’re making a slight error in fashion judgment."
"I will dedicate my life to you, without question. When people ask me why I will quote the great Michael Scott by saying 'That’s what she said.'"
"I vow to protect you from all the ills of the world, even if a scientist invented a way to clone dinosaurs and the dinosaurs escaped from his zoo and then they came after us — I would protect you as well as I could manage from said dinosaurs. That is how much I love you."
"I vow to always let you have the last blueberry pancake."
"From this day forward I promise to be worth it. Worth the time. Worth the trip. Worth the energy. Worth the embarrassment. Worth your love. I promise that you will always count. You will always come first, and of course, if you don’t for whatever reason, I will buy you some shoes."
"As Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston promised each other, 'I vow to split the difference on the thermostat.'"
"I promise to get up and get the remote from across the room, even if it was not I who placed the remote so very far away."
"I promise to take you in sickness and in health, regardless of the dangerous stuff I put you through!"
"I promise that you will be as important to me as coffee, as chocolate, and as all the episodes of Grey’s put together."
"I promise not to take the first sip of your drink before giving it to you."
Cup bearer/poison tester was a very honorable position in ancient times.
"I vow to stand by your side when the zombie apocalypse comes, and should you be turned into one, I promise to let you bite me, so I can too be one and, therefore, stay by your side forever."
"I promise to wear this ring as a symbol of our love that I’ll absolutely lose at the gym."
"I vow to thrill you each day — to amaze and astonish you. Did I mention all the magic tricks I am learning?"
"I promise to love you until the end of my days. As long as you stay out of my baseball plays."
"I would marry you in a boat and with a goat. I would marry you in the rain and in the dark and on a train. And in a car and in a tree, you are so good — so good to me. So I will love you in a box and I will love you (you're a fox) and I will love you in our house even if it has a mouse, and I will love you here or there. I promise to love you anywhere (with apologies to Seuss)."
"When you talk during a playoff game, I swear to love, honor, and ignore almost anything you say."
"I promise I will never stop bringing up the argument that the two of us had a few years ago in order to make sure that you do not forget about it."
"My goal for our Honeymoon is to spend no more than two hours a day on Instagram sharing our wedding photos."
"I swear to tell everyone how wonderful your mother is, even while I confess to you privately that she’s a complete nutjob. Totally out of control."
"I promise that I will always explain to you in a calm manner that you are not allowing a sufficient amount of stopping distance between our automobile and the one in front of it."
"I promise to listen when you’re talking to me about sports, beer, or whatever you talk about, and not just look at my phone saying, 'Hmm, yes, dear.'"
"Just one thing to tell you — I am totally worth it."
"I promise to take care of you and give you a weekly allowance since you want to be an unemployed housewife."
"I vow to let them have ice cream for dinner when they’re older because I genuinely want my future children to like me more."
"Every time our union outlives one of our friends’, I now promise to give you a high five."
"I love your stupid face and promise to tolerate whatever you can hurl at me if you believe you can tolerate my mess."
"I vow to get through this part of the ceremony as quickly as possible, so I can dig into that prime rib."
"I swear to take your hand when it’s too dark, and I’ll let the dog out when it’s too early."
"I, take you, to be my awful wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day fast-forward for better but not worse, for richer, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to loathe and to cherish, till suspicious death do we part."
There comedy clubs with open mic night if some of these people need an outlet.
"I love your stupid face and vow that I will put up with whatever you can throw at me — if you think you can put up with my mess."
