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X, formerly known as Twitter, has become a playground for everyone from politicians to celebrities, comedians, companies, the guy or girl next door, and even their pets.
The platform’s limited characters and fast-paced nature make it the perfect platform for hilarious one-liners, sarcastic quips, dad jokes, and clever clapbacks.
There’s never a shortage of funny posts on X, and November was no different. The sarky moms, funny dads, and the generally jokey human beings didn’t disappoint. It was hard to single out the funniest tweets from this month.
But after much deliberation, Bored Panda managed to do it. Keep scrolling for the November Dump of tweets that had us in stitches.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Zephyr343 1 year ago
My wife is pregnant, we find out the gender in 2 weeks. We will probably just text everyone--simple (can't stand the over the top reveals)
Julie S 1 year ago
You're really not doing it right. You have to go to a local beauty spot dye the river either pink or blue fire off some confetti cannons of non biodegradable confetti, and dye some white doves either pink or blue with toxic dye that will probably end up killing them. Come on get with the program.
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Shouldn't gender reveals be postponed until the kid is old enough to tell us?
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Didn’t want to find out the sex (not the gender!!) of either of our kids. It was the happiest moment welcoming healthy babies into the world. I didn’t look between their legs, just at their crumpled and beautiful little faces. My husband told me what their genitalia looked like after we’d had our first cuddles. Which sounds a bit weird!
Joe Reaves 1 year ago
I'm fine with it being done as part of a baby shower using a cake - because who doesn't love cake? But for the love of God stop using guns and explosives.
Cheeky Chappy 1 year ago
It's the sex you can reveal. Sex. Don't be shy of the word. Babies and animals: sex, not gender.
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
Gender reveal parties are stupid and sometimes dangerous. Either put on the baby shower invitations if it's a boy or girl, tell people or wait until the baby is born for everybody to find out.
Russell Rieckenberg 1 year ago
Jimmy Carr joke: We're having a gender reveal for our kid, but we want to wait til it's 21, we want to be sure.
PFD 1 year ago
That's probably the first inoffensive joke I've ever heard attributed to Jimmy Carr. Are you sure??
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#2
Thomas Francis 1 year ago
FWIW Borchester is the fictional county town of Borsetshire in the BBC Radio 4 soap opera The Archers.
Anotherustyspoon 1 year ago
Now I'm going to stay up all night trying to pronounce it...great...
PFD 1 year ago
If you're a BP regular you must surely have known to mentally edit "downright hilarious" into "mildly amusing, possibly."
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#3
MaggieMay85 1 year ago
My nephew when he was 4 couldn’t pick up his toys upstairs at the moment because his back hurt and preceded to walk like an older person with a bad back with all his heart. My poor mom was horrified. Almost 20 years later, just sent her a screenshot.
#4
Oerff On Tour 1 year ago (edited)
30 minutes? Depends on the size of aforementioned bottle. Standard 0.75l won't even last 15 minutes. 3l Bag-in-Box might take 30 minutes (And only costs €10,49 to give the *correct* answer)
Jayjay 1 year ago
That much? here a "slobber" (cheep wine) costs 3 euros!
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Sarah Coleman 1 year ago
Roommate and I have um..."misplaced" a bottle of wine. We've been looking for 4 days.
#5
SCamp 1 year ago
All other serious life questions being settled, THIS is the single biggest dilemma I face at some point during sleep
Nikole 1 year ago
Cut to me eventually saying, “Oh goddamnit” and getting up to pee.
Load More Replies... Dawn Marie 1 year ago
If you lay on your side and take the leg that is on top and raise/bend it up toward your chest, the full bladder feeling goes away for a while and I can get a little more sleep because once I get up, I am up for the rest of the night!!
Zoe 1 year ago
No no no no. Not "Cool, I'm finally in my bathroom!" dream. I haven't had any from my middle school.
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Lowrider 56 1 year ago
I hate that. Going to bed and after you're all snuggled in and comfy, you gotta pee. I try to tell myself I can fall asleep. Nope, doesn't work.
#6
Will Cable 1 year ago
When you get two or more pairs the same size, make and colour and one pair fits totally different and yet they are meant to be identical.
Helena 1 year ago
too big on thighs, too small on butt, too small on waist, too high on waist, too low on waist, too tight on legs, so loose on legs you trip, too long, too short
Sue User 1 year ago
Forgot the : crotch at my knees, crotch so tight its painful.
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Shelley DuVal 1 year ago
I now take my sweatpants (trakky daks to me) to the toilet, as the height of the toilet seat is just right for sliding my unco-operative legs into two slightly larger holes than my actual legs.
#7
Edith 1 year ago
I must have seen some mutants today, they had blinkers... It was so weird, I am not lying I really sow them
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Cat Chat 1 year ago
BMW drivers are known to not use their blinkers to indicate a turn or lane change.
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Rebecca McManus 1 year ago
So it's not just in Yorkshire. How are BMW still going? None of their cars have working indicators
#8
sweet emotion 1 year ago
Within a week of moving to a new city, my mother could locate all quilt/fabric/craft shops, used book stores, farmers' markets and every restroom within twenty-five miles.
UKGrandad 1 year ago
Antwerp merchants, spices and the spice islands have quite the history.
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#9
kitten levels tokyo 1 year ago
The gate is down and the lights are flashing but there is no train coming.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
I’ve heard it as “there’s a few Roos loose in the top paddock “
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Angelshark 1 year ago
"Not the brightest crayon in the box. Not the brightest star in the sky. A couple nuggets short of a Happy Meal."
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
Not the brightest bulb in the ceiling or not the sharpest tool in the shed.
#10
B.Nelson 1 year ago
I was working as a filler substitute teacher at a high school. Walked into a chemistry class. After taking attendance one of the kids asked for a small white board because "I think we summoned a demon yesterday while the other sub was here." They needed the white board to communicate with it by making their own ouija board. I asked if they tried holy water. They said they were looking on Amazon for some. School is weird these days.
Oerff On Tour 1 year ago
They're in a chem lab. Holy water is simple to make. Just boil the He!! out of it.
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TURKEYJOHNS 1 year ago
I hear that someone accidentally used it as a cheeseboard and got ghost karate kicked for their ignorance/s
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Some clown took it seriously, overreacted, and most likely broke something.
nuberiffic 12 months ago
It blows my mind that people still believe that ouija boards actually work
#11
#12
Nonna_SoF 1 year ago
If that was in America that's technically a crime. You can't campaign in a polling place.
BWC 1 year ago
It didn't say that she was in a polling place, only that she was in line to vote. She must have been outside of the boundaries for poll workers to still be that close. The US needs some voting standards. It's silly that, in Georgia, you can't hand out water but, in Arizona, you can bus people around to less crowded polling places.
Load More Replies... cerinamroth 1 year ago
An AfD guy wanted to talk to me and hand me a leaflet about voting for his party here in Germany. I laughed in his face and said ‘Ladies and gentlemen…. An optimist!!’ I was out walking with my Filipino-British husband and our two beautiful children. Why would I vote for a party that wants us all deported? Plus I’m Jewish and allergic to German right-wing twats in suits.
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
It is too bad that German right-winged twats are not allergic to themselves!
Load More Replies... Ripley 1 year ago
Last time we had a federal vote (Australia) someone tried to hand me a how to vote card for the raging RWNJ party. "Mate, not even if it had a hundred dollar bill stapled to it". To give him his due, he actually had a laugh, so it was a pretty ok interaction all around.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I wish I could do something like that. Last time I voted the guy handing out Liberal's how to vote cards pushed it on to me when I said no thank you (I didn't want ones from any party). He called something out as I went in and then asked why a young person like me would vote against something (I don't remember exactly). At no point did I say who I was voting for at all. Made me so mad! I should have reported it but as usual I was too nervous and then forgot.
Ash 1 year ago
Pretty sure offering stuff like that inside the polling place is illegal. Don't you have to be outside, or so many yards away from the building to campaign?
sweet emotion 1 year ago
My response in similar circumstances is "Six feet please!" If you add an uncovered cough, they usually back off quickly.
#13
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
It didn't, he was just..."okaaaaay? seems strange, but grownups are weird."
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Lowrider 56 1 year ago
When I was a kid, about 10yo, my Mom got sick with the flu. I felt really bad for her. So I went to the drugstore and bought my Mom a card to help her feel better. It was a sympathy card!! 🤣In my 10yo brain, sympathy means feeling sorry for someone. Seemed logical to me at the time.
Zoe 1 year ago
That's so cute. I hope your mom has a good sense of humor. :)
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Son of Philosoraptor 1 year ago
Go in my d**g drawer and grab the Aleve sweetie. Yeah you are only 9. Hey take a Norco for yourself dear boy
The Bearded Viking 1 year ago (edited)
I remember once, when I was about 13yo, I was in the kitchen early one morning and there was a knock at the door. It was a charity collector collecting for 'Braille Week'. I said for him to hang on and I'll go tell mum, who was still in bed at the time. I opened the door and said "Ma, there's a fella at the door for Braille Week". She said, still stirring, "Who's he here for again?" I said, "Braille Week!" She looked puzzled and said "Brown Wig??! - I don't want any bloody brown wig!!" I could hardly get anything else out through laughing so hard! I finally did and she said "Ohhh BRAILLE WEEK!" and then SHE started laughing uncontrollably too. She got up and grabbed her purse and we both got back to the kitchen with tears of laughter streaming down our faces, basically unable to talk and she gave the young guy about $5 and he left with the most terrified/puzzled-AF look on his face, and I'm sure he thought he'd knocked on a house in the midst of a serious Mary-Jane session 🤣🤣🤣
#14
keyboardtek 1 year ago
When I get out of the swimming pool and someone is just getting ready to get in the water I tell them "I warmed the water up for you."
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 1 year ago
There is something just so sweet about this to me, just such a little good-humored kindness. The world can seem so bleak that people being mildly goofy with strangers is so hopeful. It’s not that it fixes anything in and of itself, it just shows a readiness towards seeing others rather than excluding them.
#15
Nonna_SoF 1 year ago
I mean RFK's brain worm already died of malnutrition.
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Harry Gondalf 1 year ago
ow 'bout this oldie? If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose."
Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Make spider fingers on someone's head and ask them, "do you know what this is?" "No" "It's a brain-eating spider starving to death."
KazzaHazza 1 year ago
One of the best insults I’ve heard is from The Day Today ‘next time you cross the road don’t bother looking’
Bill Swallow 1 year ago
"I'll bet mind readers only charge you half price." - or - "I bet if you unscrewed his ears, Cabbage would fall out."
Hans Sitte 1 year ago
Hey keyboardtek, you hit nail on the empty head. He has really picked a bunch of losers!
#16
Robert Trebor 1 year ago
I have one guarding my living room. After 900 years on a cathedral, he retired.
30ninjazinmybag 1 year ago
There are not enough gargoyles on architecture anymore.
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dan gerene 1 year ago
Why would the gargoyles be on salt. shouldn't the salt be on the gargoyle? Along with some gravy.
Patti Golden 1 year ago
Gargoyles are supposed to protect us. They are scary and ugly, so they scare off ugly and evil
Patrick H 1 year ago (edited)
Are they gargoyles patched on boxes of salt? Are the salt shakers made to look like gargoyles? Does salt make the gargoyles high, but now, it's considered a drùg to them? I've got so many questions about this that I'm confused as shìt!
Lotekguy 1 year ago
Rampant genetic nephritis plaguing the gargoyle community. Give generously.
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A girl 1 year ago
Lidocaine roll on. Bedroom, bathroom, living room. Arthritis doesn't care about when it's going to flare.
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
One in the bathroom, another in the bedroom, and a third by my recliner. I live in a one-bedroom flat.
Upstaged75 1 year ago
With me it's tissue boxes and trash cans. I need to have one in every room.
A girl 1 year ago
This. I love my dog but am kind of allergic. Tissues.. tissues everywhere
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A girl 1 year ago
I'm working to not have upstairs. I'm getting older and my mil scares the c**p out of me when she goes up/down to use the bathroom. We do spotters for her.
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Earthquake903 1 year ago
This is me the instant someone dares to call me after I've given them my number. The audacity!
The Bearded Viking 1 year ago (edited)
Now if I was him then, I would follow that up with "Well, would you like to share an I.V. line sometime?..or, maybe a liquid food peg?, I'm not fussy". If she won't laugh at that, then he's better off without her and he could consider himself lucky 🤣
BunnyMommy 1 year ago
Plot twist: He's the neighbors three year old who adores her, and the chocolate cake she baked his family!
CC McSniggles 1 year ago
She could end the war faster if she plainly says "never going to happen, stop trying" rather than come up with witty sarcasm that the other person could interpret as keep trying. Or that guy is now going into a slight (or severe) depression for putting himself out there and being deflected too much. Moral: Stop being cryptic and make your point clear
#19
CC McSniggles 1 year ago
This chic deserves a high five (but be prepared for the tickling session)
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Ads Ads 1 year ago
He will never not think of this girl every time he puts his hand up to cheer at any future concert.
chamomile tea 1 year ago
Sometimes when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my arms, and then I smell em like this 😤🤚🏻. - Mary Katherine Gallagher
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
You tickle me, and you'll be lucky if you don't get an elbow to the face. Friend tickled me from behind and got a black eye because I immediately reacted wildly.
ADDchallengedINFP-T 1 year ago
Are you sure it was that Random Girl, the one behind you, or beside you? Do you have proof it was her? You could google to find a Random Girl, if that's her name?
#20
kitten levels tokyo 1 year ago
My mom said I would regret quitting piano lessons. She's still not right. (I will turn 110 next year.)
Daya Meyer 1 year ago
I simply don't understand why people are barefoot inside. For me, it is a very normal thing to put on clothes and socks in the morning and to wear them until I undress.
Reviewer01 1 year ago
If we dared say we were cold my mum used to tell us to go out in the garden and do jumping jacks
Child of the Stars 1 year ago
My heat stays just warm enough to keep the pipes from freezing 'cause that s.h.i.t's expensive. Even my 6yo knows to just put on his bathrobe and slippers.
Daya Meyer 1 year ago
That is sad. You don't need to stay warm in winter wearing t-shirts and walking barefoot. But it should be warm enough while wearing a sweater and socks, maybe slippers.
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#21
ZuriLovesYou 1 year ago
I really hope this is more of a workaholic situation and not a she didn't have a choice situation.
Talis 1 year ago
I assume it's a "Hey, let's stage a funny photo!" situation.
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Riley Quinn 1 year ago
Some US states and cities have "right to disconnect" legislation, but not on the federal level. Shame more employees lack the self-respect to ignore these intrusions.
Tamra 1 year ago
I doubt it's a lack of self respect, and more of a need to keep a roof over their heads.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 12 months ago
I was a self employed bookkeeper for many years. One company owner could not wrap his head around the fact that he was not my boss, he was my client. I sent him an email letiing him know my rate would be increasing in 30 days. He threw a fit about how unprofessional it was to ask for a raise like that. I let him have his little tantrum and then said, "Jon. I am not asking you for a raise, I am informing you that I am raising my rates, and as a courtesy am giving you 30 days advance notice". Likewise, when I said I would be unavailable on Thursday & Friday - another tantrum. I said again, "Jon, I am not asking your permission to take Thursday & Friday off, I am informing you that I will be unavailable those days". Even after 5 years, he never seemed to understand.
Beth Wheeler 1 year ago
Complete idiot with her phone and laptop in the ocean. A box of rice probably won't be able to fix the salt and sand invasion
#22
Nonna_SoF 1 year ago
No one. It was the best the labor movement could do when 1 day was considered normal and some people didn't get that.
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Colleen Glim 1 year ago
I would give an awful lot to have two consecutive days off. I work retail. Days off come one at a time
Shark bait hoo haha 1 year ago
And you would have to close the night before your day off and open the day after...every damn time! So glad I retired from retail management
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Dick Fint 1 year ago
Consider yourself lucky! It wasn't all that long ago (mid 1800's) where a six day work week wasn't seven because the church demanded one day off for worship. Cowboys, sailors & many army personnel got zero days off when actively working. As recently as 1987 I was working as an MP on a shorthanded post. We worked 9 day rotating 8 hour shifts. This gave us a little over two days off every 12 days. Anybody with a decent paying 40 hr work week should consider themselves lucky.
Quinn 1 year ago
It was indeed liberating for women to leave home as the housekeeper and to enter the paid workforce. But then things shifted and re-settled, and what was once a luxury, having a household with two incomes, has became a necessity. And now we're all trapped in a reality where we're both overworked and underpaid, and living paycheck to paycheck, with little time and energy remaining to do the things at home such as laundry, cleaning, and food shopping.
#23
David Martin 1 year ago
I was never fond of daily quests in RPGs, and I'm not a fan of them in real life either; The work is too repetitive and the pay out is never worth my free time
#24
Nuku Nyara 1 year ago
I have, it's very tasty to mix a half teaspoon into a portion of hamburger before making a patty for the grill 😋👍
Mike F 1 year ago
Little secret, if you saute your own mushrooms throw a few dashes in. You will love the result.
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Widdershins66 1 year ago
It is delicious applied liberally to cheese on toast mmmmmmm The best🤗🤗🤗
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MC Lavoie 1 year ago
Bloody Mary is the solution to use the Worcesthershire sauce. Then, when the bottle is empty, you have to buy another one to continue making the cocktails.
Nikole 1 year ago
I just had the idea that a Bloody Mary with “mild” harissa sauce would be delicious.
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Bec 1 year ago
Yes, it's Chex Mix season and we are about to need a new bottle. I also learned that you are supposed to refrigerate after opening
Alex Boyd 1 year ago
That's my big use for it, too. I use it in a few other things, but the 6 tablespoons in the Christmas chex mix is how we don't have the same bottle hanging around for a decade.
Load More Replies... Julia Mckinney 1 year ago
I do. There is a great recipe my mom got from her mother-in-law. It's called "the Egg Puff Dish" and includes eggs, milk, bread, cheese and Worchestershire sauce all mixed together and layered, chilled overnight then baked in the oven the next morning. I need to get a new bottle every couple of years.
XenoMurph 1 year ago
In my case, neither, I use it all the time, and have to buy a new one every few months.
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Niels AirMax 1 year ago
Wow! That tweet did not go as planned.😄 Worcestershire is essential btw...
#25
SakeSan 1 year ago
Probably Great British Baking Show. That's my guess anyway.
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Multa Nocte 1 year ago
A quote from "Here's the Dish": When “Bake Off” crossed the pond, the first thing that happened was a name change. Because the term Bake-Off is a registered trademark of Pillsbury in the U.S., the show became known as “The Great British Baking Show” here in the States.
Ace 1 year ago
Bake-off, you mean? Yeah, we've done that too.. (Is it actually called Baking Show in the US?)
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago (edited)
It is. Americans use “bake-off” as Brits do, but it is trademarked. I’d bet most Americans also have no idea and also are curious as to why the program changed names when it came to the USA.
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#26
Seán Baron 1 year ago
I’ve unfriended people who think that Salt & Vinegar crisp packets should be green and not blue. The amount of curses I sent their way.
Julie S 1 year ago
An example of the Mandela effect: People actually believe they remember Walkers crisps changing the colour of their Salt & Vinegar and Cheese & Onion crisp packets. They think Salt & Vinegar used to be in a blue packet and Cheese & Onion green. But Walkers have never changed them they have always been those colours.
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Nonna_SoF 1 year ago
I mean considering politics also means who they think should have basic rights...
Anotherustyspoon 1 year ago
ngl lion king and a half wasn't that bad, it def wasn't great though...
_-DungeonKeeper-_ 1 year ago
Lion kind 1 1/2 is good. The live action lion king is a different story
#27
justagirl 1 year ago
noooo...sleep...if you don't get out of my room i will...hit you with a pillow.
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#28
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 1 year ago
For me it’s Trader Joe’s. The store I go to to buy three things at a time. I have a regular grocery store where I buy all staples but I am always buying some random “needed peanut butter, they have the best” “peanut butter cups STAT” thing there.
Robert Trebor 1 year ago
I go at 6 am. Only others there are the stockers. Someone misheard me and thought I said "stalkers".
Lotekguy 1 year ago
If you're the only customer, you're the stockers' stalker.
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ZuriLovesYou 1 year ago
I miss not staring at someone like they just stabbed a baby because they coughed.
Norm Gilmore 1 year ago
I miss mouthing exactly what I thought of people and being safe in the knowledge that they couldn't read my lips..
cerinamroth 1 year ago
Top tip for the winter: mittens. Then you can raise that middle finger at them and they’ll just think it’s a friendly wave.
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reuben kift 1 year ago
I missed putting my mask on before I enter a shop like I'm about to rob the place.
Reviewer01 1 year ago
I'm terribly disappointed that shaking hands came back. I really hoped that was dead forever and I'd never again need to touch some stranger's clammy hand. Ick.
Steve Robert 1 year ago
I still wear a mask if only to confuse all the facial recognition devices staring at you.
whineygingercat 1 year ago
I miss only having to do my eye makeup. Everything else was covered, so why bother?
Agfox 1 year ago
"Good" news then if you live in the State of Victoria, Australia, because we're experiencing a new COVID wave at the moment. From the ABC website today: "COVID-19 cases are rising in Victoria, with hospitalisations increasing by 59 per cent over the past month. The JN.1 strain, a sub-variant of Omicron, remains the dominant strain in the community"
ManuelQue 1 year ago (edited)
I hope the wave is gone soon - those poor Victorians!
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#31
marianne eliza 1 year ago
I want to know why it is so difficult to develop software to shut off the beeping the moment you open the door. Maybe software is the issue. How open just a good old fashioned mechanical switch attached to the door latch.
Sue User 1 year ago
Or better yet , have a volumn control which allows everything from "mute" to " over 60 and in another room watching telly".
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Teutonic Disaster 1 year ago
Dude looks like Kevin Hart if he hadn't become a comedian but just worked a regular blue collar job.
#32
Steve Robert 1 year ago
Last time I felt a romantic spark, it was my ex girlfriend trying to light me on fire!
#33
Shark bait hoo haha 1 year ago
I am 5'11" which is really tall for a woman but my hands and feet are those of a much shorter woman so it can happen to men too
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kitten levels tokyo 1 year ago
Buy a pair of dirty size 400 underwear to throw down between those shoes. That will scare them away.
The Bearded Viking 1 year ago (edited)
My single-mother, next door neighbour when I was growing up, used to keep size 14 work boots and a mud-covered rifle cover out the main door, with a well used pair of boxing gloves hanging on a nail above them both. She said she never even got as much as a Jehovah Witness knocking on her door!
#34
Ash 1 year ago
Me: *quietly goes into a corner to pee into a gravy boat* https://janeaustensworld.com/2012/07/16/regency-hygiene-the-bourdaloue/
Divado 1 year ago
Thanks so much for giving me Xmas present idea for my partner.
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#35
kitten levels tokyo 1 year ago
On BP ee don't seem to have so many Marketing Bots anymore. That's nice. ("My name is Anastasia Cybertron and I make $10 million a week without even breathing...")
Miranda Veracruz de la Joya Cardenal 1 year ago
Twitter is full of porn and Nazis. Bluesky is what Twitter used to be
#36
visacrum 1 year ago
They didn't say they were married to each other though...
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Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 1 year ago
In the literal sense, yes please. I would love to marry someone platonically one day
Luis Hernandez Dauajare 1 year ago
Thanks, OP. That is the cutest thing I have ever seen all day...
#37
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
little hack for that - if it's a pack that doesn't have the hard plastic support at the opening, snip the opening about 15mm bigger on one side then you'll only get one - if the pack has a hard plastic support, put a hair band over the packet at each end, then you'll only get one (btw, they do this on purpose so you'll use more)
Jan Moore 1 year ago
What about the ones that you have to scratch at for at least 30-45 seconds to even get 1.
Load More Replies... Passerby 1 year ago
It can be hard to pull out just a single sheet of wet wipe from its package. You mean to pull out just one, but often at least two sheets come out, which can be infuriating. So I guess OP meant to say that you either get five wet wipes out at once, or you get nothing.
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#38
Steve Robert 1 year ago
At my age, everything is starting to fall off! Tried using Gorilla glue, but the damn monkey keeps falling off!
luci (he/fae) 1 year ago
I'd add a b-dum-tshhhhh, but that's the wrong instrument for this post.
Living Example 1 year ago
And I was planning a get-together. But it was going to be a low-keyed affair.
#39
Bill Swallow 1 year ago
Fun Fact - If you see a chain called 'Taco Zocalo', it turns out it's owned by Taco Bell. Upscale, food is pretty good. They have a list of about 12 'proteins' on the menu (ground beef, brisket, beef barbacoa, steak, various types of chicken, fish, etc) and whatever you order, first step is 'choose your protein'. I usually get the 3 taco deal (ground beef, barbacoa, and steak).
Load More Replies... Luis Hernandez Dauajare 1 year ago (edited)
As a Mexican, please be advised that calling that a "gordita" will have us up in arms faster than Trump's tariffs...
#40
Astar_ALT 1 year ago
My 600+ song playlist on shuffle (I hear multiple songs twice in the span of 30 minutes)
Ash 1 year ago
Every once in a blue moon my phone plays one of the other 90% of songs I have in the collection....
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RedHairedDragon 1 year ago
Iirc, Spotify actually changed their shuffle-function since it was too random. People didn't understand that true random could result in the same song in a row three times
Tom Brincefield 1 year ago
iTunes had to do that years ago when they started doing playlists.
Load More Replies... Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
Best following dialogue..."Can I have the rental insurance? 'Cause I am going to TRASH this car"
Verfin22 1 year ago
Is that bad? My songs are there for a reason. I could listen on an endless loop.
Lupita Nyong'heaux 1 year ago
i think what they're saying is, the shuffle function (ideally) should randomly go thru ALL the songs in a playlist before it repeats a song. for instance, i have more than 2K songs in my Liked Songs, and i definitely hear songs repeated when i KNOW it hasn't played all 2K songs.
Load More Replies... #41
XenoMurph 1 year ago
Neither one is a quarter of a year either, but we still call them seasoning.
Eugene the Jeep 1 year ago
The first time I bought salt and pepper at the same time, I was shocked by the price difference.
#42
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago (edited)
Feminine (Harris)+phenomenon = femininomenon Felon (Trump)+phenomenon = feloninomenon
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Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
I don't know about anyone else, but I'd have trouble pronouncing either of those. No, I *do* have trouble - I've just tried...
char 1 year ago
i've listened to femininomenon so I know how to say it. the other is very hard
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Jen TG 1 year ago
....have any of you heard of Chappell Roan?? It's the title of her first track on her album
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Roan's a horse coat color, right? Is Chappell Roan where horses go to church services if they're Christian horses?
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MED71 1 year ago
You got a cat? Or a female felon? Best of luck with both. 🙂 (Was I close?) Lmao
Kalikima 1 year ago
Nope. It's about the election. They wanted Harris, but got trump.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 1 year ago
Please do not let "femininomenon" catch on in any way shape or form!!!
#43
InfamousBerry34 1 year ago
Never underestimate the power of a good bacon sandwich 😋
Load More Replies... SCamp 1 year ago
I don’t like to gender things as a rule, but I truly think women don’t quite get the import of bacon to men
#44
ThatNatureNerd 1 year ago
I’ve not heard one hummingbird complain and they’re way smaller than us and doing all the work themselves, as for geese I haven’t heard them complain my guess is they take it out on us
Heather Eastwood 1 year ago
Geese constantly complain when in flight! That's what they're all honking about "are we nearly bloody there yet Jessica? You said it was just over that mountain, 3 ranges ago!"
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#45
Kalikima 1 year ago
I've seen this same picture with 3 different people claiming it was them..
me myself and i (she/her) 1 year ago
i dont think the user is claiming it was them? i could be wrong as i'm not quite sure what's going on but i think OP might be referencing sabrina carpenter
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Major Harris 1 year ago
looks like some one was going to a midnight showing of "the rocky horror picture show"!
Steve Robert 1 year ago
Frame it. Or tape a banana to the mouth and sell it for $6.2 million dollars.
#47
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
I think boyfriend is more like "horse who won't stop cribbing even after you've cayenned the entire stall door" (full disclosure: I am currently a boyfriend)
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#48
sofacushionfort 1 year ago
Two brooms leaning against each other would be like a romcom poster
Nikole 1 year ago
The broom is leaning against a wall as unused brooms tend to do, seemingly satisfied with a job well done.
Load More Replies... #49
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago
It was a cruel Bastard who termed obsessive compulsion a DIS-order... Order is everything to obsessive compulsives
Gadaffi Duck 1 year ago (edited)
Same cruel bathdard that put the s in lisp
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Abraxas59 1 year ago
That’s my thinking to lmao n just put that I mean like why call it ocd 💁
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joann fielding 1 year ago
My OCD demands I call it CDO, because, after all, that's in alphabetical order, right?
Robert Trebor 1 year ago
Did I lock the back door [check] did I turn off the stove [check] did i ... [check] . I'm surprised I ever get anywhere.
#50
TURKEYJOHNS 1 year ago
From what I can tell, they’re jokingly suggesting that Joe Biden just stays in the white house so trump can’t get in.
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#51
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
A still from the 2004 film I, Robot starring Will Smith, loosely inspired by Isaac Asimov's "robot" stories.
Nicola Mawson 1 year ago
Well, my neighbors can now listen to 80s rock loud because it's getting a bit tiring having them get away with so much noise all the time
#53
kitten levels tokyo 1 year ago
This is like Americans leaving scathing reviews on European rental property websites, "They advertised the apartment as being on the FIRST FLOOR, but I had to walk up a whole FLIGHT OF STAIRS to get to it! 0 stars!" (I'm American and this is humor based on real life. Upvotes only please.)
Ripley 1 year ago
The funny thing is that regarding the floor at ground level as "first floor" or "ground floor (aka floor 0)" BOTH actually make sense. The only difference is semantics.
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Shark bait hoo haha 1 year ago
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/body-building-forum-days-in-a-week-dispute
Load More Replies... UKGrandad 1 year ago (edited)
Lots. Almost every Tom Cruise movie is Top Gun in a different setting. Cocktail? Top Gun in a bar. Days of Thunder? Top Gun in a car. Colour of Money? Top Gun in a pool hall......
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#54
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
This one's funny, but for those thinking Biden looks clueless: well, yes, but do *you* understand how that thing works any better than he does?
TruthoftheHeart 1 year ago
Yeah but at least he knew it was good for us to be advancing and wasn't trying to drag us backwards
René Sauer 1 year ago
that´s a quantum computer? I would have guessed it´s some fancy chandelier or something.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
Quantum computers have to look weird, because they manipulate things in strange ways, while (mostly) being cooled to ridiculously low temperatures. Basically, that thing is a highly advanced physics experiment built to test out theories and try to put them to practical use.
Load More Replies... #55
Elaine Van Zon 1 year ago
Judges on Strictly come dancing in UK. Shirley Ballas and Anton du Becque (I know it's spelt wrong but it's late 😊) they don't look like this normally, they're in costume.
Load More Replies... #56
#57
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
I'm not on Tiktok, but do I understand it right that having "rizz" basically means being thin and conventionally hot? I'd rather take dark circles and weird humor anytime.
Dumb teenager 1 year ago
I’m going to screenshot this because I have literally never seen anything that describes me so accurately before. I might even make this my account description
#58
Robert Beveridge 1 year ago
By the time this meal is over, 37 people will have died in another part of the keep.
#59
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago
Does this person's students have pre-existing permission to go to the toilet without interrupting their teaching?
#60
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
"..and your eyes are like deep pools...and your nails taste like..... pepperoni?
#61
#63
cerinamroth 1 year ago
My mum had a TIA a couple of years ago and this was her main worry when she got her memory back 🙄🙄 Literally not worried about how she managed to drive somewhere and then lose all her memory but wanted to make sure she kept up her German duolingo streak!
#64
Ash 1 year ago (edited)
"fatherless behavior" Many of us did have present fathers! AND THAT WAS THE PROBLEM
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
ah but he doesn't - 'daddy issues' is how they like to insult young women, because how the father fathered is of course a little girl's fault.
#65
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago
I just googled and learned: The term ijbol (or IJBOL) is an abbreviation that stands for “I just burst out laughing”
Load More Replies... marianne eliza 1 year ago
But I don't get why that is funny. And why anyone would care who puts their hair in a bun. Someone tell why anyone would BOL about that.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
I do it all the time, putting your hair in a bun isn't something that requires a team of engineers. But she does look like she's having fun
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David Morgan 1 year ago
Ah yes, bringing back the older forms of entertainment - before we had TV, we had to make our own. Sometimes, if we were very lucky, a travelling hairdresser would visit the village and rearrange hair. Oh, we used to laugh for weeks afterwards...
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
This one's funny more because of the insane caption than anything else. I mean, woman has hair in bun? Er, so?
reuben kift 1 year ago
It's text speech. "IJBOL". From what I gathered from a quick google search it stands for: I Just Burst Out Laughing."
#66
David Morgan 1 year ago
I hate when people are unable to understand something, so ridicule it despite the obvious advantages it has.
Ace 1 year ago
And somehow referring to it as "Military time" just reinforces their lack of understanding, like it's something different from their everyday run-of-the-mill civilian time.
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Hidalgo 1 year ago
Wait till you travel to Asia. Folks here, eg on news/weather or schedules usually write time as 24 hrs, but convert it to 12 time. I.e. it’s written as 1900, but they convert it on the fly and say 7. Would drive the OP insane
TotallyNOTAFox 1 year ago
Same here in Germany - 17 o'clock or 5 o'clock are both valid for telling the time
Load More Replies... kitten levels tokyo 1 year ago
Europeans are like, "Please pass the Universal Health Care at 17 o'clock. Mate."
Learner Panda 1 year ago
It is not anything to do with the military. Just check out your airline ticket next time.
Happy Onion 1 year ago
When you have to add up hours, 24-hour clocks are the best! 15:00 minus 9:00 = 6 hrs. Easy! Also no PITA am or pm to write.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
Isn't that the same as: "I hate it when people use the completely normal time format used by all sensible people everywhere for time tables rather than mucking about with AM/PM"?
Verena 1 year ago
Days outside the US have 24 hours. To avoid mistakes, every hour gets its unique number, 0 to 24 (which are technically the same, but both are used). Nobody says fourteen-hundred. It is either fourteen o'clock or two o'clock. How does US military pronounce 14:35? Fourteenhundredthirtyfive? As European you either say 5 minutes past half three or fourteenthirtyfive
#68
kitten levels tokyo 1 year ago
When you think your dog is being friendly to your boss, but he's really beginning to pee on his leg.
#69
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago
How we deleted our history when I was a kid... Mum: so what did you do today Me: nothing
ZuriLovesYou 1 year ago (edited)
If I hadn't known how to delete my history as a kid, I would've been grounded for 90% of my childhood.
#71
Lyoness 1 year ago
I think they're making a joke about the regular "if you can't handle me .." red flag.
Load More Replies... #72
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Reminds me of "how is prangent formed?" - one of my all-time favorite meme/video things XD
Bartlet for world domination 1 year ago
At least they elaborate beyond 'Huh?'
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#74
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
I'm starting to think that to understand some of these posts, the reader needs to be as high as the OP was when they wrote it.
MP Deco 1 year ago
thank you! i thought it was me and my old,senior addled brain!
Load More Replies... David Morgan 1 year ago (edited)
The point of the Saw movies is that the survivor/s feel a renewed sense of gratitude for being alive due to their brush with death. The joke is that if they don't, then Jigsaw (the psychopath behind it all) tries to cheer them up a different way. Saw becomes a Hallmark movie...
anne sane 1 year ago (edited)
In the SAW movies the villain makes the victims solve puzzles/play games before the clock runs out in order to live. Op is saying they dont wanna be alive anyway so would not bother and would just unalive, so the villain-Jigsaw- would give them a pep talk in hopes of getting them to participate.
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Shannon Donnelly 1 year ago
I'd be the one in the Saw movie with a death wish that Jigsaw needs to give a pep talk to. Lmao
#76
Chloe 1 year ago
They're making a joke about Billie Eilish's appearance in the music video for the song guess by Charlie XCX featuring Billie Eilish. "Don't have to guess the colour of your underwear" is one of Billie's lyrics.
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Tyranamar Suess 1 year ago
Don't get it. What does this stuffed animal have to do with the color of underwear?
#77
Sarah 1 year ago
Internet slang acronym meaning “one of my friends” or “one of my followers.
Load More Replies... #78
Debby Keir 1 year ago
Is it as exciting for the one you all pick on? Hmm, have to think about that.
#79
Geoffrey Scott 1 year ago
See if I can guess the chain of events..Turkey flew into the windshield, lose control, hit a tree?
#80
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
Makes no sense to me at all, but I still chuckled. Why? I do not understand.
Add New Image
What do you think ?
StarCrossedFriday 1 year ago
I’d call this list mostly confusing with a sprinkling of faint smiles. Maybe it’s a culture thing - I’m co-writing a script with an Indian guy and there’s a noticeable difference in what we both think is ‘hilarious’.
Tyranamar Suess 1 year ago
What was funny here? I don't get it. I finally gave up on reading it.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
I think you need the right kind of warped humour. I seem to have it. Middle aged Brit if that helps. I think StarCrossedFriday is right - it's a culture thing.
Load More Replies... marianne eliza 1 year ago
What was the actual point of this eclectic collection of mostly meh?
Bec 1 year ago
Instead of Google Translate, we needed BP Comments translate to decipher half of these depending on what generation you are in.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
That's part of why I love BP and its community. We have all ranges of ages, cultures, locations, etc. so usually SOMEONE can translate for us and then we all can share in the humor, even if some of the initial presentations thereof are frustrating XD
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Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
This is the tabloid version of "downright hilarious", ie one or two mildly amusing.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
Maybe, but a lot funnier than lists of awful parenting or arguing over airline seats.
Load More Replies... Julie S 1 year ago
Think I must have had a stroke towards the end because some of them made no sense whatsoever.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
Some of the comments seemed to indicate that you need to be under the influence of strong, possibly illegal, d***s to understand them.
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Whoopdeedoo 1 year ago
I thought it was fine, BUT WHY DO I NEED A SUBACRIPTION TO ENJOY BORED PANDA FURTHER
StarCrossedFriday 1 year ago
I’d call this list mostly confusing with a sprinkling of faint smiles. Maybe it’s a culture thing - I’m co-writing a script with an Indian guy and there’s a noticeable difference in what we both think is ‘hilarious’.
Tyranamar Suess 1 year ago
What was funny here? I don't get it. I finally gave up on reading it.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
I think you need the right kind of warped humour. I seem to have it. Middle aged Brit if that helps. I think StarCrossedFriday is right - it's a culture thing.
Load More Replies... marianne eliza 1 year ago
What was the actual point of this eclectic collection of mostly meh?
Bec 1 year ago
Instead of Google Translate, we needed BP Comments translate to decipher half of these depending on what generation you are in.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
That's part of why I love BP and its community. We have all ranges of ages, cultures, locations, etc. so usually SOMEONE can translate for us and then we all can share in the humor, even if some of the initial presentations thereof are frustrating XD
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
This is the tabloid version of "downright hilarious", ie one or two mildly amusing.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
Maybe, but a lot funnier than lists of awful parenting or arguing over airline seats.
Load More Replies... Julie S 1 year ago
Think I must have had a stroke towards the end because some of them made no sense whatsoever.
Forrest Hobbs 1 year ago
Some of the comments seemed to indicate that you need to be under the influence of strong, possibly illegal, d***s to understand them.
Load More Replies... Whoopdeedoo 1 year ago
I thought it was fine, BUT WHY DO I NEED A SUBACRIPTION TO ENJOY BORED PANDA FURTHER
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