On paper, autocorrect is awesome. When you send someone a text, it checks your writing and gets rid of all the spelling mistakes. But in reality... It's even better. You see, autocorrect has a good sense of humor—sometimes it makes random edits that completely change the meaning of a word or phrase you were going for. That way, a 'daughter' can become a 'disaster' and 'chivalry' can turn into 'chocolate'. And these "jokes" are even better if you notice them only after you hit "Send".
Below, Bored Panda has compiled a bunch of tweets about some of the worst autocorrect fails that are simply funny as duck. Enjoy!
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But I once wrote something not in caps and it autocorrected to SWAYZE and I have no idea why it would do that
What I don't understand - why doesn't anyone look at what they typed before hitting send? It can autocorrect all it wants, but that text isn't going anywhere without my OK....
When you type in a hurry, your fingers can be faster than your eyes.
Load More Replies...People choose what they do with their bodies, not their spouses.
Load More Replies...The inventor on the patent for autocorrect and the closest thing it has to an individual creator is Dean Hachamovitch. And you could say it all started in the early '90s when Hachamovitch first joined Microsoft. He was given a job on the Word team and back then, word processing was at a crossroads: on one side were the people who wanted adornments and frills—improved desktop publishing, color separation, and things like that. On the other side was the functionality gang, where Hachamovitch found his place.
These guys really wanted to help people get out of their own way. As Hachamovitch saw it, the main thing that people do on a word processor is type, and typing, according to him, is a matter of "a little bit of creativity and a whole lot of scutwork." Hachamovitch thought he could improve the typing experience by delivering us from scut. He set out to make our typing sleek and invisible, smooth as speaking from a teleprompter.
mine does that all the time. i use long words, and misspell one letter, and suddenly, it's like...'I'm a turkey in japan'
I have decided to adopt this also, no one is going to understand it but i need this.
Or if you don't like straight people, jetro jobo. (Which also sounds like words one might say instead of curse words after stubbing a toe in front of your children.)
At this point, your phone is just trolling us, or they are planning suicide.
I call mine autocockup. To the point where autocorrect now autocorrects autocorrect to autocockup. A win for the little people.
As WIRED pointed out, the notion of autocorrect was born when Hachamovitch began thinking about a functionality that already existed in Word. Thanks to Charles Simonyi, the longtime Microsoft executive who is widely recognized as the father of graphical word processing, Word had a "glossary" that could be used as a sort of auto-expander.
It allowed to set up a string of words—like insert logo—which, when typed and followed by a press of the F3 button, would get replaced by a JPEG of your company's logo. Neat. But Hachamovitch realized that this glossary could be used far more aggressively to correct common mistakes. He put together a bit of code that would allow you to press the left arrow and F3 at any time and immediately replace teh with the. His eureka moment came when he understood that because English words are space-delimited, the space bar itself could generate the replacement, making the correction automatic. Hachamovitch then compiled a list of common errors, and his team got to work. One Microsoft manager even dubbed them the Department of Stupid PC Tricks.
Chocolate is a food group...so any man willing to supply/give you with an absolute necessity...is a keeper.
dunno why women love the idea of chivalry. It's a list of ways to care for your horse, with the caveat "be nice to women: at the end
Correct, I’m disappointed with my purchase and I want my monkey please.
I mean.... *Looks around*. I'd like a Monkey Back guarantee, in fact I'd probably work with you exclusively if you offered a monkey back guarantee!
I was playing Trivial Pursuit with my brother and dad and the question was, "Who sits around planning money-making schemes?" which my brother read as "monkey-making schemes", so this tweet is a whole different level of funny for me.
and if you are dissatisfied in any way, we'll give you back your monkey. :)
I am curled up on a beanbag with my iPad. I feel bad for my family, I’m peeling with laughter and they are giving me looks. Lol
Pretty soon, the team realized that autocorrect could also be used in less productive but far more entertaining tasks. One day, for example, Hachamovitch went into his boss' machine and changed the autocorrect dictionary so that any time he typed Dean, it was automatically changed to the name of his coworker Mike, and vice versa (his boss kept both his computer and office locked after that). Children were quick to pick this up too—after Hachamovitch went to speak to his daughter's third-grade class, he started receiving emails from the kids' parents, saying something along the lines of "Thank you for coming to talk to my daughter's class, but whenever I try to type her name, I find it automatically transforms itself into 'The pretty princess.'"
So now that you know the origins of autocorrect, do you really think all these hippos, I mean, hiccups on the list are accidental?
This honestly happened, I texted my brother that I was 'Taking the dog for a walk' and autocorrect changed it to 'wank'. Sadly for the dog, it WAS just a walk.
Same - the F word autocorrects to duck. Even when I want the F word - which is way more often than I want duck. So, I went into the text replacement tool, and added the F word as a replacement for duck. Now: I type F word. Gets autocorrected to duck, and then instantly back to the F word via text substitution. I’m a little proud that I won that round.
Yeah, if big brother is policing my text correspondence, they'll think I work at a wild fowl sanctuary given the frequency with which I talk about ducks!!
I've written f**k and d**k so many times that autocorrect changes DUCK to f**k/d**k.
ohhhhh i get it! he was trying to type "hell" and then autocorrect was like "hello" Ha ha! good 1!!
Just laughed out loud, even though I've read this post like five times. edit:funnily enough, fixing bad autocorrect
hey guys, did you know that there is a channel on YT called memes time that literally takes BP articles, and makes them into vids?
Load More Replies...I mean...2020 did throw some sledding pandas into the mix, not gonna lie.
panda mix sounds like some sort of bamboo snackmix...
After my family got our flu shots me and my mom were texting about them. She said, "the flue shots weren't bad this year" but her phone corrected shot to s***. It was pretty funny.
Try Alexa. Ask for "Metallica", and it gives you (or at least gave my hubby) Manilow. As in Barry. As in, not even close. And that's why we don't have Siri or Alexa!
No one told you that there are digital viruses?
Load More Replies...Autocorrect is just waiting for it's chance to autocorrect it to "exaggerate "
This is so me. I wouldn't have auto cucumber on if I could spell , geez
And yet, when I try and type "duck on a junebug" I get "Dude on a jukebox". There you go, autocorrect, out niche reference me. It saw my daffy and raised me a Fonzie! Ayyyyyyye!!!
my autocorrect has stopped fixing when i type waht instead of what bc i do it by accident all the time
Watch out if you like sports, it can go way off the rails with names too
Load More Replies...I'll sometimes typer ill and just wait for the auto correct to happen, but all it does is give me sick emojis. but i'm not ill. i'm i'll.
What's worse than that is typing IL (the abbreviation for the US state of Illinois) and having it insist that I meant "I'll"
Load More Replies...It annoys the f**k out of me that autocorrect WON'T put in an apostrophe and correct "dont" to "don't"
It’s waiting for the perfect text to mess with you
Load More Replies...Well of course autocorrect knows how hard it is to be a parent, after all it has to look after every single person that has autocorrect
A friend of mine has her hahahas autocorrected to HAhaha and it annoys me more than it should
Nudity dosiorder? WhY DoNt YoU JuSt PuT SoMe ClOThEs oN??
Load More Replies...and then your phone and all the furniture in your house doubled over laughing
your phone got "hacked" in the settings there's a way to change it
I would upvote this many more times if I could!
Load More Replies...Is a Maoist cake a cake that you must cut into perfectly equal parts but it is easy because there is actually nothing to share and then everyone dies ?
NOW IS THE TIME TO SEIZE THE DAY!!!!!!!!! PROUD AND DEFIANT WE'LL SLAY THE GIANT!!!!
Load More Replies...Panic steaks are excellent, especially served with a nice panic red wine.
Mine once said "pancake attack" and honestly that sounds like way more fun
My uncle got a panic attack once. When this happened he texted my other uncle, I’m having a picnic fact. He was so freaked out he did not notice it at first
I think autocorrect might be on a diet on the dl and needed to be strong.
Now I wonder if it changed chivalry to chocolate before or after the diet
Load More Replies...My autocorrect in Spanish always corrects the word "casi" (almost) and it writes "cadí", which doesn't exist! I don't know why, but it drives me crazy.
That's OK, my phone corrected Philadelphia Flyers to "Philadelphia F**kers" and I know I have had some disappointments with the team but it's not that bad!
I'd like to have some more context about those mighty ducks though.
Philadelphis. One of my wolves in WolfQuest that I created's name.
Just add the word "absolute" before the noun. This turns any noun into an insult. "You absolute giant buttonhole." See?
Once, I tried to text that to my bestie, and it autocorrected "I meditated" to "I masturbated". When she received the text, she said, "Since when did you like sex?" I was so embarrassed. When I tried to send the text again, it was still a failure. So I ended saying, "I meant that I m e d i t a t e d! Stupid autocorrect!" And my friend went LMFAO. Curse the person who invented autocorrect. Now, I finally know that when it autocorrects, space twice. You guys should try that too. It really would work. Hope so for you guys. :) Have a nice day and don't let autocorrect get you.
We were fleeing a hurricane. Our inland destination for the evacuation was Jesup, Georgia. My sister, concerned for our safety, asked my mother if she had heard any news about us. Mom told her, “They have gone to Jesup”. But autocorrect made her tell my sister, “They have gone to Jesus”. Oops..
Dismantling the patriarchy on a device built by one of the most controlling men in the world... Irony.
I'm seeing some interesting trends in what auto-correct programmers/algorithms prioritize....
*a few minutes of exercising tongue* "TIME TO LICK YOU OUT JESS" *big lick* *jess gets licked to another continent*
And he has been drinking again, he will be marinated in rum... Can I lick some too?
I work for an ambulance service in the UK. When we create a request for an ambulance (ie when the call comes in to us via 999) we have a box on the form which is the Chief Complaint. Unfortunately what is typed in there cannot be changed once the operator hits enter. The amount of jobs I've seen where a patient has been run over by cat or knocked over by cat is just tremendous and it makes me giggle whenever I see them. Typo's and autocorrect make me laugh.
and for the thousandth time I will NEVER say "poshmark" instead of "?". Don't even know what it is!
I've actually pulled many words out of my autocorrect dictionary so they stop popping up. Like Friar would pop up when I typed "friday" and I never talk about friars so it's goooone.
Predictive text based on previous typing patterns.
Load More Replies...I'd probably call someone I'm mad at s**tBucket after seeing this than sh*t
Evidence that autocorrect could possibly ruin your life
Shy, and silly, because you can be shy to ask, but be willing to see them...
Here is a funny autocorrect replacement. Also, we censor that replacement, ruining the whole joke.
More to the point, why would I ever use the word "ducking" as an adjective when it's clearly a verb.
I would have preferred it to be signed off with a mildly threatening 'soon'
Sparsely, he’ll what. Why did I. Say SPARSELY and what is. Up with all the periods. Also it should be seriously not SPARSELY.
Whenever I go to type “Evie” it autocorrects to “Evil”. Evie is one of the closest friends I have ever had. :/
The ultimate passive-aggressive - I just want everyone to duck off and leave me the duck alone.
Agreed. Just because it rhymes doesn't mean it'll autocorrect
Load More Replies...Hmmm, perhaps when a group of people are all in danger from a low flying object, and they all duck at the same time, they perform a group...(cluster)...duck...? I tried 😁
or perhaps when a bunch of objects cluster together in the shape of a duck. it is a cluster duck.
Load More Replies...A little group of bitchy ducks who sit in ponds and quack about Jenny's new featherstyle.
From Urban Dictionary: An even more polite way to say "Cluster F**k" without saying "F**k". Especially in front of children, parents, administrators.
I'm Saying That Because The Peach Emoji (🍑) Looks Like A Butt.
Load More Replies...The creepy twins from The Shining, or the ones from Luigi's Mansion ?
Oh, sweet summer child, bless your cotton socks...
Load More Replies...Correction : "YOUR almost every relationship with a man since YOUR birth".
people like this annoy me. No, it's not men as a whole's fault, it's just that you have crappy taste in guys
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I don't think that word means what you think it means. It's just a faulty spell checker. It does not have the capacity to discriminate against anybody.
Load More Replies...... *pats down mound of earth* "Auto-correct won't be saying anything soon...
Ooooooooh so there is a tennis player with that last name. 😂 Now it would be weird if your autocorrect started picking Finnish words spontaneously.
Tegan is a unisex, albeit relatively uncommon, name. Of course the spell checker will try to correct it to something more recognizable. It does not have the capacity to discriminate. This person is just trying to be offended.
Complaining is better than solving the problem you are company paining about
Settings | Search - “Text Replacement”. Delete the “On My Way!” entry. Enjoy.
Yep when I try to type ikr it corrects to IKR. LIKE CHIIL AUTOCORRECT I DONT WANNA YELL.
I have to upvote this purely because I live in Spokane County. I couldn't care less about sports.
Here's my autocorrect-witnessed story: Was exchanging sexy texts once with this girl, and it ended up taking quite a morbid turn because said-girl sent me a text that said "(slices off my brain)" instead of "(slides off my bra)." Can't say that I didn't laugh hard 😂 Also, let's not forget that autocorrect changes "awww" to "sewers" 😂😂
i remember sending my girlfriend a text saying "i,m talking to the barman about tatts" she replied "WTF????" and i checked my message--it said "i,m talking to the batman about farts"
Texted the girlfriend "Wish you were here" and autocorrect sent "Wish you were beer" and well, that wouldn't be bad either. At least it didn't change it to "Wish you were her..."
I wrote "I have to clean the catbox" and autocorrect changed it to "I have to clean the Autopsy" My sister was pretty confused. It also tries to change "zzzzzzzzzzzzz" to "assassin" so, maybe it's trying to tell me something.
I got the opposite... texted the wife I was making ham & cabbage and it got autocorrected to ham & catbox.
Load More Replies...The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
I just tried to write, "I deactivate auto-correct", and the da*n thing isn't deactivated and it came out first time as "I detective auto-correct". *headdesk*
What annoys me with (every) AC the most is it changing ALWAYS "its" to "it's" even when I actually mean "its"
Not quite auto correct, but typing too quickly and hitting send without thinking is also dangerous. I've concluded one too many emails "Kind Retards..."
My previous phone loved to change pants to PANTIES. I have no idea why, I just think it had a weird sense of humour and liked to shout about women's underwear
Here's my autocorrect-witnessed story: Was exchanging sexy texts once with this girl, and it ended up taking quite a morbid turn because said-girl sent me a text that said "(slices off my brain)" instead of "(slides off my bra)." Can't say that I didn't laugh hard 😂 Also, let's not forget that autocorrect changes "awww" to "sewers" 😂😂
i remember sending my girlfriend a text saying "i,m talking to the barman about tatts" she replied "WTF????" and i checked my message--it said "i,m talking to the batman about farts"
Texted the girlfriend "Wish you were here" and autocorrect sent "Wish you were beer" and well, that wouldn't be bad either. At least it didn't change it to "Wish you were her..."
I wrote "I have to clean the catbox" and autocorrect changed it to "I have to clean the Autopsy" My sister was pretty confused. It also tries to change "zzzzzzzzzzzzz" to "assassin" so, maybe it's trying to tell me something.
I got the opposite... texted the wife I was making ham & cabbage and it got autocorrected to ham & catbox.
Load More Replies...The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
I just tried to write, "I deactivate auto-correct", and the da*n thing isn't deactivated and it came out first time as "I detective auto-correct". *headdesk*
What annoys me with (every) AC the most is it changing ALWAYS "its" to "it's" even when I actually mean "its"
Not quite auto correct, but typing too quickly and hitting send without thinking is also dangerous. I've concluded one too many emails "Kind Retards..."
My previous phone loved to change pants to PANTIES. I have no idea why, I just think it had a weird sense of humour and liked to shout about women's underwear
