With a 280-character limit, there's not much room for long-winded stories, explanations or jokes on X. The platform, formerly known as Twitter, has become renowned for funny, fast and fabulous clapbacks, one-liners, and witty remarks. If someone offends you, you'll need to think on your feet, and out the box, if you want to respond. Lest the insult becomes history in a matter of minutes.
As always, X users were on top form in 2024, with a bunch of epic roasts that left burn marks right into the new year. Many didn't hold back, and dished out the sassiest, snarkiest, most savage snapbacks for those who dared to troll them. So good they were that someone out there just had to screenshot. Bored Panda has scoured the net for the best posts of people getting roasted better than a Thanksgiving turkey.
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That Should Do It
Small tips : tasers and pepper sprays are illegal to bear in several countries, but deodorant and perfume bottles aren't !
And having chili in a spray bottle isn't either but there's always the risk of getting an assault charge if you use them. There was a case here (Finland) where a jogger and his dog stumbled upon a guy assaulting a girl. Of course the jogger went and pulled the guy away so he couldn't get any further. Turns out the biggest sentence was given to the jogger who tried to help for aggravated assault. The assaulter guy only got an attempted charge. No good deed
Load More Replies...How about both me and my husband teach our children how to treat people, general? Reckon that will cover everything?
If your mum taught you to treat a girl like a 'princess' so that you can get her to do what you want then she didn't teach you to be a man.
Shouldn't men and women be treating each other equally? I've always been confused by the concept that "men always have to hold the door for women". I don't hate it, I just don't understand. It's led to a lot of stressful and awkward situations for me.
People should hold doors for each other based on where they happen to be standing, but men are a greater danger to women (in general) than women are to men, so it's important to respect women's need to feel safe.
Load More Replies...I taught my daughters that if they ever had a man fkash them to point and laugh a say its the smallest they have seen ever
With dignity and respect? Basic manners and human dignity should apply both ways.
Blaming Young People For Being Triggered
In 1960 Ruby Bridges had to be escorted into school through a cordon of FBI agents as the first black child in a non-segregated school. She walked passed dozens of adults who hurled insults and actual rocks at her for going to school. A little 6 year old girl. And if that visual isn't enough, consider that EVERY SINGLE PARENT from her class withdrew their kids. She was entirely alone due to the COWARDACE, RACISM, HATRED, and above all FEAR of the people from the 50s and 60s. Guys like Bob Manning can go f**k themselves!
You expect an idiotic comment as soon as you see the "No step on snek" flag
Hey, don’t bring the snek into this, he’s innocent as long as you don’t step on him
Load More Replies...True. Many of them grew up to elect the kind of corrupt and traitorous filth whom their fathers fought and died protecting their country from.
No white man in this country should display the Gadsen Flag. “Don’t tread on me?” This entire country is designed and operated for the comfort of white men. The only time they feel tread upon is when the people who are actually being stomped on demand their fair share of this nations bounty.
True. No wussies in the 50's and 60's. No seat belts, no bike helmets, because death and debilitating injuries were no big deal to us tough guys.
"Victimized By The Patriarchy"
Well, the 4 year old mind is simple. Job=work. Work=no fun. Stay home with babies=toys and holding cuteness. We are also talking about a kid just beginning Pre-K or Kindergarten. There is no real agenda or conspiracy going on.
There is an agenda in Ben Shapiro's mind when he supposedly asked his child this question and then posted the supposed answer on social media.
Load More Replies...Shapiro knows virtually NOTHING about women. He doesn't believe women can become aroused (wonder why?) and worse. Much, much worse.
He is but he also thinks he’s making a point. Unfortunately for him, it isn’t the point he thinks he’s making.
Load More Replies...When we ask the same questions of both little boys and girls, then we will be on the path to gender equality.
It doesnt matter what children want, what you do matters and how you teach your children on how they choose to interact with the world around them.
Well Then Rip
Honestly, in that situation, many young women would have done the same. They didn't want to lead on a guy they didn't fancy, but if it had been someone they fancied they'd have accepted the jacket as a first move in getting to know each other. Nothing wrong with that. What I don't understand is the need to publicise the whole encounter.
Fair enough. Perhaps I am some kind of freak, but I would happily offer my coat to somebody shivering in a class whether I wanted to be in a relationship with them or not, for the simple reason that I like to help people. I gave my umbrella to an old lady because she was shivering without me wanting to have sex with her. If she had been a young beautiful woman, I would have done the same. So if I ever offer to let you wear my jacket, you can rest assured that you don't need reciprocate with sex. Since this was during a lecture, I probably don't even want you to talk with me because I am trying to learn. But I'm always happy to meet people and make friends, regardless of gender. I don't expect sex from every interaction. And I'm a pretty good friend, so if you reject that friendship because you're not interested in sleeping with me, that's your loss, not mine.
Load More Replies...This Dude Just Got Aborted
Announcers? Like at a sporting event? Or a doctor giving a family a medical update on their family members who just underwent a serious medical procedure? Hmmm.
"Bob Costas here at St. Mary's Hospital's maternity ward, and I'm checking in with Angela Price who has just given birth to twin girls. Mother and daughters are doing fine, and I'm told dad Steven managed to get Sabrina Carpenter to perform the halftime show. This is a birth for the history books, but now back to you in the studio."
Load More Replies...Doctors only announce that mother and baby are doing fine because they were the only ones experiencing physical and emotional trauma. If the father needs help during the process then he needs a psychologist.
In general I agree. But just on a side note, when my sister-in-law had her first baby, she was in labor for two days and it was horrible. My brother is a very empathetic person, and I do believe he was somewhat traumatized watching her go through that (and the worry for this baby because where were problems). That's NOT to say that what he went through was anything like what she did. It was so bad for her that she was terrified of having another one. (She did eventually have a second baby and everything went fine.)
Load More Replies...Except for when the father faints from watching and hits his head on the floor.
The baby could be born without the father even noticing it. They are not the ones pushing out the baby but here they are wanting CREDIT? For ... existing?
They want credit for every other bit of minutiae they perform on baby's behalf for the rest of their lives even if it is only financial support. Why are any of us surprised that observing labor would be left off their list of reward obligations???
Load More Replies...I remember a joke about this. A new equipment that makes a father feel the same pain that the mother experiences during childbirth is tested on a couple. After a long very painful labor the mom is destroyed but her husband is relaxed and brags that he didn't feel any pain and why do women complain so much. Then he goes back home for the day all proud of himself. And finds the local plumber collapsed on his driveway.
My husband almost died...when I saw him shoving a Reese's cup in his mouth rather than helping me count my breathing! A*****e was almost ended right then and there! LOL
I think the medal was getting c*m in the first place
Load More Replies...My wife is still annoyed at the midwife & nurses frequently asking me if I wanted a sandwich or coffee while she was in labor.
Birth notices in the newspapers (Australia) used to note that a baby had been born to the wife of Fred Snoggs. Maybe the gender of the baby, but not the name of the mother/wife. For information, I do a lot of genealogy, and it's very annoying to be unable to see the mother's name. After all, she was there and had a major part to play in the production.
Please Keep Your Advice, Give Me That 100k
Rich people: Working for your money is something to be grateful for. Also Rich people when they have to work for their money: Can’t someone else do it?
Or having a large bank or corp. "The government needs to pay us 2 billions because we messed up"
Load More Replies...Where is the 100K for free? Who's offering? come on, share details
Me too. Please let us perform the experiment. I TOTALLY promise to return the 102k, honest...
Load More Replies...Cutting 20 to 30 hours a week out of my work week would be kind of nice.
Load More Replies...Wouldn't it depend on who's giving the money? From my late grandmother, a gift was a blessing. From someone like trump, the same gift would feel... dirty, tainted.
As nice as hard earned money is, free money is free money. Don't let it go to your head though
Accurate But Sad
Historically accurate. I hate people like this. (The guy who requested the Photoshop) You have my upvote.
This made my day, week, month - AND the next 2 years until the primaries !!
Logically Laid To Rest
That reminds me of an entitled customer at a restaurant in Paris: "I'm a customer the and customer is like a king!" The manager, unimpressed: "Sir, this is France, we behead kings here." :)))
Wasn't there a whole Revolutionary War and Declaration of Independence, y'know because we didn't want a King or a Monarchy to deal with?/s
Load More Replies...I know! I know! Two paralle universes were colliding for a moment .... or.... someone has too much free time.
or … it’s a business owner savvy enough to check reviews
Load More Replies...They lost the table they booked. Didn't say they didn't wait around until one became free for them.
The restaurant doesn’t sell lobster. It’s a fake review.
Load More Replies...What Is This New Fangled Email You Speak Of?
Most people don't "get" Outlook. I know for sure it can do thousands of things. Me? Inbox. Some folders. Sent and Drafts. Boom
I learned how to set up a delayed sending of an email a few weeks ago. Now I won't need it again for a long enough time that I will have forgotten how to do it.
Load More Replies..."I don't have time to learn new software" is something I used to hear from employees that were getting ready to retire. Now the young ones say it? The future is bleak...
It's exactly what my grandad said when he retired- he got to 1992 teaching without needing to use a computer so decided he would never learn.
Load More Replies...I had a supervisor (~20 years younger than me) send out an email link to send reports to. I informed her the link didn't work and the email kept getting kicked back. She came to me to tell me I was doing it wrong. All I could think was "b*tch please, I've been sending email since it was INVENTED".
Outlook isn't new. I have colleagues who are younger than Outlook. I doubt it's possible to get ANY job in my country if you don't know the Office programs? A cleaner needs to book cleanings, and a warehouse-truck driver needs to get the next picking-list, for example.
"I legit quit a job at a corporate PR firm because I can't even learn basic software like Outlook, so f**k knows why they thought I could manage PR". There, I fixed it for you.
It Make Ya Think
Re-started. The OG Great Reset. Once in a while. Like a good clean up you know...
The one with everyone and everything but Noah and his chosen critters and family, which would mean extreme inbreeding, the kinds Alabama would shudder at is the biggest, yeah. But how about killing whole cities (Sodom and Gomorrah), or the first borns of Egypt or putting the "don't touch tree" in the middle of the new human enclosure.
Don't forget killing half of your own tribe because they drink funny or because they made a gold bull.
Load More Replies...When someone tells me "This is all part of God's plan", I reply "So were the Ten Plagues of Egypt. What's your point?'"
Wasn't there a story about one guy that got insulted by children and god sent bears to rip and tear said children into shredds in the Bible?
Yup there sure is. The guy was a priest, the kids made fun of his bald head, priest calls on god to smite the children, which he did in the form of two bears.
Load More Replies...God, if there is a God, can factory reset the world any second if it really wanted to.
He could actually punish evil people and protect the weak if he really wanted to. But obviously he either can't or doesn't want to.
Load More Replies...We don't need a full cancel. We learned in recent centuries all we need is a good pruning. Let's set up the guillotine and prune the 1% so the rest can THRIVE!
Pity we can't turn them into pillars of salt.
Load More Replies...They say Jesus died for our sins, yet three days later, he gets up and leaves. I guess we aren't that bad.
Bone Apple Feet
I'm taking note for my pittie mix Zoey's next bday party. 🎉
Load More Replies...I mean . . . It's not my cup of tea. But hey, if they enjoy it, I'm not gonna yuck their yum. 🤷♀️
I think my pitties have tried to make that! It would explain the mess in the kitchen the other day...
Just because the ingredients fit in the pan, it doesn't make it edible.
I'm not going to hate on someone trying to eat healthy. Fruit, meat and honey is a common combination in many parts of the world.
Presentation sucks but it might taste pretty good. Meat protein + 'sweet' is popular and extremely well established in multiple countries. Honey glazed ham, sweet and sour pork, most BBQ sauces and even ketchup, glazed duck. Many dishes people take for granted because they have been around for ages. Then when someone posts about it on social media, not using one of the "approved" combinations.. people are like, "OMG! GROSS!". Makes me LOL
Pronouns Are An Integral Part Of English
Reading all the shírstorm about pronouns, i feel somehow lucky having a native tongue, what has no different pronouns for genders.
I laughed out loud at that and woke up my daughter who had just fallen asleep. She asked me to explain. She did not find it funny.
Load More Replies...pronouns are just way to much work. Remembering names too for that matter. "hey you" has worked just fine for me. Gender neutral, and I don't feel like a crumpet for forgetting everyones name.
um, my favorite pronoun is you, because I am speaking to a person.
He Did Not Come To Play
Men and women cannot exist without each other. End of. And electricity has existed since the world was created, naturally. Our own bodies generate electrical impulses.
I wonder how all those generations before electricity were able to exist. Also seems like someone hasn't heard the saying "it takes two to tango"
Just keep in mind: a woman is the person who pushed you out of her after carrying you for 9 months!
One more thing to add, humans have survived without electricity for hundreds of years. Without any females, there would not be humans. XD
Load More Replies...Seems Baboon Butt doesn't realize that humans have known about electricity for thousands of years, but it wasn't until 1882 that the first power station was opened. Need men to exist? Not necessarily. Sperm would be required from a small percentage of men, stored for future use by women to continue procreation. Kind of like roosters on a chicken farm.
Why Are They So Baggy Though?
They shrink wrap. You gotta hit em with a hair dryer for a few minutes, first.
Here For My Speedboat Prescription
Wait, so under the American health system someone can required treatment as a medical necessity and the insurance company can say 'we don't think you do' and refuse to pay for it??????
Medical insurance? Must be a third world sh!thole country without national health/single payer. 32 of the 33 most industrialized countries in the world have national health.single payer. But the USA says it's too difficult. They also have much fewer mass shootings. USA says the same thing.
Might Be The Most British Insult I’ve Ever Seen
I will from hereon call people upper class crumpets. Or lower class crumpets, depending on how foul of a mood I am in.
I mean, it isn't what Tupperware is. Tupperware should be a damn sight more robust than a takeaway container, but we did get treated to a good insult.
Tupperware has been genericized to mean any sealable plastic temporary food storage container.
Load More Replies...You disagree with the purpose of Tupperware being for food storage? I don't think its something that's opinion based
Load More Replies...This should definitely be one of the top 10 burns of 2024, possibly 2025 too.
Someone elsewhere called someone a pinecone. That was a pretty good one too!
That's A Weirdly Accurate Insult
Roald Dahl did write a villainous used car salesman - Danny Divito played the role in 'Matilda'
How does she look masculine? She’s a perfectly normal pretty woman. If she looks masculine, then I must look like Hulk Hogan.
I'd like to point out that I zoomed in and Heath is f*****g ugly. Like, he's the kind of guy who's mom told him he was handsome. He looks like he went to the same frat as Tucker Carlson
This is too funny. I don’t like making fun of people’s looks but obviously this guy, trump and Tucker love to do that so ha!
Load More Replies...I don't know, who the guy is, but he looks like your average creepy neighbour.
That person’s using a picture of Robert Miller, a major sexual offender from Montreal…🤮🤮
I realise appearance is no guide to anything and there are handsome/ beautiful bullies and creeps. But the guys who try to humiliate women by commenting on imaginary or real physical imperfections invariably seem to be troglodytes and throwbacks with magic mirrors and zero sense of self-awareness.
Rip Penn State
"I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way!" -- Cecil Terwilliger.
Burns: “I say let Harvard have academics and athletics, Yale will always be first in gentlemanly club life.”
"I've had just enough of that Vassar bashing in this house!" - Homer Simpson
Penn State does have a course in making ice cream at their onsite ice cream factory
Kent read, Kent write, Kent State. Obviously you didn’t go there. 4 Dead in Ohio.
Load More Replies...Techbros Inventing Things That Already Exist Example #9885498
Agreed. Buses and cars are nice, but they can't beat trains when it comes to speed.
Load More Replies...Because the ignorant "think" the individual vehicles with individual motors are somehow "more efficient" than a single vehicle with a single motor.
Tech bros inventing solutions for things that aren't problems
By that logic, are a metro and a tram (trolley) also trains? By the way, trains typically aren't completely self-driving.
Some are. Check out the Vancouver, B.C., metro - which, for some inscrutable reason, is known as Skytrain.
Load More Replies...Being Delusional In The Internet Just Screams For An Insult
To be fair, I think she's cute, if perhaps flirting with narcissism.
People have such hard necks on them to post that question. I am mortified for her.
Pig Bank Better Than Bofa
I must visit this creek for... Unrelated business. Clinking sound
Load More Replies...former BofA employee (from the before times, when its symbol was an eagle not a wheat thin) can totally confirm
I hear you. I'm trying to get my pension from them now. BofA: "Pension? What pension? We don't have no stinkin' pensions."
Load More Replies...I bank with b of a and they sent me a debit card with the wrong first name on it! I asked them to send me a replacement and they got my first name wrong again. I gave up at that point. I'm using a debit card that says Jennifer on it. My names Leigh!
Lol, my wife's name was misspelled on her debit card for years... it wasn't even an actual name - if I enter it in Google, it asks if I meant the correct spelling of her name. If I force the spelling, nothing comes up!
Load More Replies...Fair Take Tbh
Instagram models influencers etc are like Tamagotchis, if we all ignored them they would die.
Do It Yourself
See, I hate people who go to someone else and expect them to go real cheap because it’s “easy work”. If you’re gonna ask other people to do your chores, you should expect to have to pay for it. It’s clearly not work you *want* to do, which is why you’re not doing it.
They're expecting the laborers to be so desperate for money that they can exploit them.
Load More Replies...Huh... I've been to home despot a million times and I've never seen the unskilled labor guy aisle... ~ next time I go, I'll ask
'Unskilled' means 'don't have a degree' not 'imma nitwit'. I know farmers with no special diplomas who make me look like a twaffle when I'm in their barns.
Nobody would refer to 'farming' as unskilled labor. 'Shoveling s**t out of a stall' however, is.
Load More Replies...This is part of the problem with where we are; everyone thinks they’re just paying for the work and base what they’re offering on how technically challenging they believe it to be. That is true to a point but you’re also paying someone for their time and labor. Just because a job is simple doesn’t mean it’s easy and people deserve to be compensated fairly for their time, especially if it’s a job you don’t want to or can’t do on your own.
All labor requires some type of skill. Some skills are easier to learn then others. But I don't believe there is such thing as truly "unskilled labor".
Remember to play to your strengths. If you're good at doing the mechanics or seeing direct the help your work does. Or even more complex but practical things - go to trade school. If on other hand you think about complex and myriad questions about a field of study - go to the university.
32 dollars an hour? Why not underpay them and set up a tip system instead, like you do for other unskilled labour so you can keep paying them jack sjit?
Am I Hearing Boss Music?
The Habsburgs were THE royalty of Medieval and Renaissance Europe. They tended to marry relatives that were a way too close on the family tree over several centuries and over time it led to some serious issues with inbreeding. Physically, the most distinctive identification was the overlarge Habsburg jaw. The last Spanish Habsburg emperor, Charles II, was the product of generations of inbreeding. His mother and father were uncle and niece. Charles had a host of illnesses and birth defects. He was unable to father children and died at 38 ending the Habsburg rule of Spain and leading to the War of Spanish Succession. If you want to see a good example of the Habsburg jaw, go to the Wikipedia page of Empress Maria Theresa and scroll down her children. She gave birth to 16 children. The children mostly have the distinctive jaw.
Pretty much every ancestor of Charles II was descended from Joana the Mad and Philip the Handsome. (He was not actually handsome.)
Load More Replies...Eddys Family tree is nightmare for every austrian history/archeology student, because it's the history of our country. They married around that far so i guess every kingdom in Europe got a bit of habsburg in it.
Every kingdom in Europe had a bunch of all of them in it. The belligerents in WWI were all cousins.
Load More Replies..."If'n yer family tree dasn't fork, you *MIGHT* be European Royalty!"
Like Jeff Foxworthy said, "If your family tree goes straight up and down...You might be a Redneck" BTW I absolutely love that guy! Check out the Blue Collar Comedy Tours on YouTube, because they are absolutely hilarious.
Saw it live on the first tour. First time I had heard of Larry and Ron. Got sore from laughing so hard.
Load More Replies...That kind of math never met my rural South Carolina-raised first wife...
The Spiritual Sucessor To Veggietales Facts
The kid's got a hobby that will develop their brain, rather than one that stands a good chance of giving them a traumatic brain injury. Sounds like a win to me.
If your offspring takes part in a r0obotics tournament it seems to me like something you could be proud of.
My sister did lego robotics in high school and is now an engineer. Someone she knew played football and is now a brain donor 🤷♂️
Load More Replies...Btw. Don't push your kids to become pro in any sports but especially not in American football or something else that can damage them permanently.
Some kid would rather use their heads in a constructive way. Not a destructive way.
Hey about those Legos, I've always loved Legos but my parents were the ones that encouraged be to build and display complex sets designed for adults and me and my legal guardian (who I call pop pop) have a hobby where I build sets and he watches, it's fun leave us alone mate
Oh, that’s a bit odd. I guess just try to ignore him and don’t let him ruin Lego for you.
Load More Replies...Worlds Greatest Comeback
I'm not sure how your teeth could be a narrow body of water connecting two larger bodies of water.
I don't know either, but over the years I've developed a gap in my front teeth that's starting to rival the Bosphorus.
Load More Replies...Yes and, I don't see anything wrong with her teeth.
Load More Replies...I think her teeth are fine. Unless your standard are the all artificial teeth of movie stars and the Drumpf family.
This Gen Is So Cooked
Soon to be 20, bodycount at 0 and I'm perfectly fine ! Don't let other people tell you that your worth is defined by your bodycount, high or low.
Body count? I have a few, but they will never find the bodies! J/K
Load More Replies...You go at the sex at your own pace. If you're desperate for action at 16 (like me) or want to wait and figure things out (probably would have been the better option), or haven't found a companion yet or aren't even looking. All of the options are valid, and so are all the ones not listed.
I've lost track of my body count because I'm so freaking old & have a rotten memory. On reflection, I think it's probably 1 because my wife & I have been together for more than 60 years
Why tf are people calling it body count, now? That's so much worse than all the older ones, like "notches on their bedpost". Also, don't worry about the people that think you need a high "body count". They're probably carrying around a high viral load, too.
I was just going to ask what a 'body count' is.....doesn't it usually refer to dead bodies....??
Load More Replies...Still got a bodycount of 0 at 40. Still not revelant to my day to day life or job or anything like that.
This is only a red flag if you are trying to get a job as a serial killer
All Of Them
Takes about 1 minute, rather than 5 days, and much less messy. Sounds great.
As a guy I can only imagine the chores of menstruation. It has to be annoying.
Thank you, and yes it very annoying having to take care if the whole mess
Load More Replies...What if instead of normal tampons, you had a version like those pills you put in water that become random dinosaurs? A fun surprise every time - what period will you get? Cretaceous? Triassic? Jurassic? Collect them all!
My Roommate Is So Unserious
Just don’t tell anyone you got it from ”Tate”!
Load More Replies...Sometimes it's 90% off but those are limited time only weekend type deals. Then you do the walk of shame
Sounds like me with my ex before my long term ex (not that we’ve been exes for a long term, but you know). Ahhh I have a lot of exes. I spent NYE building a substantial portion of my Lego police station (it’s one of the modular building ones, so it is insane, yet comforting) and drinking “sparkling wine”.
Load More Replies...OMG! If that doesn't sound like sex with the ex-wife, I don't know what does!
Their Bio Didn’t Lie Either
At a holiday party a lady I know was commenting on how big her son is for 13. (he is large/tall for his age). In addition to the Christmas get together we were also celebrating her birthday so later there was a BD cake and someone gave her a shot of tequila. I made a dumb joke about, "Now you are 21 so you can drink?" She told me no, she is 27. Later at home my brain connected those two dots. "you're 27 and your son is 13, so there is a chance you were his age when you got impregnated." Maybe she lied about her age or maybe there was an unfortunate situation I don't know about. She seems like a nice person. It just surprised me.
If you're old enough to be able to get a hotel, you're old enough to know how to spell.
Bryn, You have a point. I've been to countries that didn't seem to care but in the US it is typically 18+. Probably the only exceptions would be those shady hourly type places that take cash and don't ask any questions.
Load More Replies...What about my old enough to get a hotel and my old enough to spend a night with my bf???
"Can You Do This Report With Someone Who Doesn't Have That British Accent?"
English was imported to Britain by the immigrants we now call "Anglo-Saxons" - when Britain was Britannia, its inhabitants spoke the ancestors of modern Welsh, Irish, and so on..The Romans left, law and order broke down, and a bunch of illegal immigrants came over from Europe and wrecked the place - honestly, I don't understand why the anti-EU types here in the UK aren't campaigning to get rid of English so we can return to a proper British language like Cymraeg (that's Welsh for Welsh). Some of what you've just read might have been written in jest. In any case, it's been the British Broadcasting Corporation since 1927.
You’re kinda forgetting about the Norse influence. The Vikings.
Load More Replies...be very careful using the initials BBC when looking up information or images.
Since there’s no such thing as a British accent, this shouldn’t be a problem! (English, Scottish, Welsh or Northern Irish accents, yes, but not “a British accent”)
By that logic I could say there's no such thing as an English accent (RP, Higher RP, Scouser, Brummy, Geordie, Cockney, Bristolian, Lancastrian, Manc, Yorkie etc. honestly I could go on for a while). 'British accent' covers all of them.
Load More Replies...I love how Americans just think that the original English was with an American accent.
Well, to some extent it appears that it was. Here's one article about it. How Americans preserved British English https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20180207-how-americans-preserved-british-english
Load More Replies...Um, I think you can probably find foreign correspondents on BBC with non-British accents
big black correspondent with a bri'ish accent of course
Load More Replies...Roast Belt
In the instant pot and depending on it's weight, you could make a roast beef in about an hour. Something is telling me that there's no instant pot though.
Yeah if they go over all the auxiliaries. If it only does the alternator it's just the alternator belt.
Load More Replies...How about we just go back to basics and remember it's "AN hour"....gosh, people are really in bad shape these days...
Possibly they used a more expensive cut of beef like sirloin roast instead of chuck roast, which is the cut usually used for pot roast. Being a beginner cook, they may not have known that.
That’s One For The Roster
I’m sure he never saw a push-up bra up close either just saying
Load More Replies...Imagine putting down small breasted women knowing that if the opportunity arose, you would still happily play with them. Hypocrite.
imagine wearing a small jockstrap and still having enough room for "Pepe" to flop around !
I mean, why would you wear a push up if you have big breasts? Doesn't compute
This Is An Old Classic
Just covering a -18 comment. Have a nice day, and enjoy yourself!
Please don't do this! All you're doing is making sure everyone goes and looks for the comment. So really you're promoting it. Just downvote and report. It will be hidden once it has a few downvotes. We don't do the "covering a comment" thing on this site.
Load More Replies...Actually Made Me Laugh
Poor guy. He’s cute! (But yeah: it totally looks as if the nose comes with the glasses. 😰)
If he took off the fake beard and put back on his striped shirt and hat, he would be harder to find.
He's actually just He-who-must-not-be-named wearing a wig, makeup, and one of those glasses with the fake nose and mustache.
Never Trust A DNA Test
I'm probably about 3,5% neanderthal by the results in the extended family so I'm gonna appropriate the cave painting chique
As I've got older, I've morphed into 'cave woman' quite naturally :D
Load More Replies...I think it's cool that they can use Adobe to design themselves
Her name is Monica Canilao. She's a half-Filipino artist with Native American roots. She is actually wearing her own jewellery in the picture. While her art isn't necessarily my style, it's pretty s****y that she has to deal with people mocking her for honouring her roots. This isn't a case of a white person claiming a culture they do not belong to for material gains.
This looks like a college presentation for an intro class on Mesoamerican cultures. I'd like more context before I get snarky.
He Really Does
I was just about to type - he needs sugar ….. and water
Load More Replies...Why do so many rich people pay for shoddy plastic surgery? It doesn't take much to do a bit of research
I think he’s had some of the fillers taken out now, but how did he think this looked good??
Load More Replies...As The Crowd Cheered On
Says right there on the box: "Do not leave in direct sunlight. Do not give to children under 36 months. May contain nuts. Not tested on animals. Please email us if you would like the vegan-friendly alternative."
I say, you get what you pay for. Pay for c**p, you get c**p/ Just like anything.
What brand were they and how much did you pay? I've had AKG studio headphone for over thirty years that still work fine. I bought a new pair as my cat kept chewing through the cable on my older pair and I got tired of repairing it.
I can attest that this is obviously a lie because the fake leather on those things breaks down from the oils on your skin.
I hate to think what the Hell’s on his head that his headphones end up like this. Yuck!
I Don't Play With This
I like to imagine it's just a sweet old man who was genuinely saying hi and thought he was being nice. I know that's probably not the world we live in, but I'm going to pretend like it is.
Load More Replies...I Have No Words
"just coz you're Asia" was he talking to John Wetton or Carl Palmer?
This is what we in the USA get WITH an educational system, and Trump wants to abolish the Department of Education. Sigh.
If that happens I hope individual states create an education department.
Load More Replies...OP needs to enter the Olympics if they are able to make those leaps in logic.
Good thing they refuse to believe 2003 to 2023 is 30 years. Because it isn’t.
Nah, Bro Did Her Dirty
Who's Fighting For Fourth Place?
You're the kind to bring the piano closer to the stool. OR : You look like you'd know what markers taste like.
"It's not your fault the changing table was high and your parents were clumsy"
Load More Replies...Intelligence has been chasing you, but you've always been faster
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries."
"You look like you know what feet taste like." Heard it in a Matt Rose video and it stuck with me.
"You're the sort of person that would break your toilet in two because your half-assed brother was coming over for the weekend."
May Be The Best Response Ive Ever Read
I came to the comments looking for this. Well played!
Load More Replies...I'm not your Buddy, Pal. I'm not your Pal, Friend. I'm not your Friend, Guy. I'm not your Guy, Dude. I'm not your Dude, Buddy. I'm not your Buddy,...
Sunny Day In England Must Be Rare Huh
UK Weather Forecast: "Summer has been scheduled between 3:00PM and 4:00PM on Wednesday. Showers are expected to start on Tuesday and last through Thursday."
We were on a tour of the Shetland Islands one July when someone asked our guide when they had summer. "Oh, you just missed it", she replied. "It was yesterday."
Load More Replies...We do have sunny days in England (and the rest of the UK) actually. Not as many as we'd like admittedly but the temperature has been known to get to double figures in Celsius.
In the UK, you're lucky to get to double figures in Kelvin.
Load More Replies...When I lived in England I would occasionally hear the words, “Don’t look now, but it appears the sun might be peeking through the clouds”. If you looked, you jinxed it.
Asking Dumb Questions
The first post says, "what's wrong with smoking while you're pregnant?" And the response says, "[because] the child is going to end up on social media asking dumba$$ questions like this."
Load More Replies...Anyone writing in this sort of “text speak” (I think that’s what it’s called) is bad enough, but when someone is pregnant and spouting this nonsense and writing this way means this child is already at a huge disadvantage when it comes to learning. I’m not too bothered if young teens write this way, but I have a boss that smart, good looking and is 58 and he texts this way! It’s absolutely shocking when grown a*s adults write m8 for mate or wat for what! Come on, grow TF up
It costs nothing to use all the letters. I feel your angst
Load More Replies...It's not even the question that's disturbing. It's the grammar...like, help me Lord..these people are ALLOWED to spawn?!
have you ever, like EVER, heard of aae? the response is literally how i talk to my family at home 💀
Load More Replies...At least, she knows that she should not smoke. And she wants to understand. For me, that's an interesting question. It's not "should I smoke while pregnant"...
No! I think she’s been called out for doing it and is being an absolute fool! That’s bad and her “text speak” means this child doesn’t stand a chance. I promise I’m not snobby at all, it just baffles me that people would even consider asking this and texting like a young teenager.
Load More Replies...The Hotel Owners' Heartfelt Absence
My experience of various nerdy conferences is that the staff love them because the people tend to be polite, friendly and funny,
As someone who used to attend anime conventions, I will say that some locations do start to reek of BO if there isn't good ventilation. Some costumes can be quite thick/heavy, which isn't great for warmer seasons. Also, a lot of them probably have decent hygiene but don't want to reapply elaborate makeup everyday. 🤷♂️
Load More Replies...I remember the German hotel staff being in love with all the Goths coming to the wave Gothic gathering, because most of them are lovely exept for the pillowcases they have to replace because all the hair dye ruined them
not to mention all the washcloths they had to replace from the goths washing off the black makeup
Load More Replies...as someone who used to work at a hotel that hosted an anime con annually, sure the lack of bathing meant water use went down. but we kept having to fetch all the potted plants out of the elevators and the motor on the hot tub pump burned out every year when the water displacement of trying to fit 30+ people (in costume) in it at once dried it up. except the one year that a feather boa got sucked into the pump, that year the hot tub died before they managed to get everyone into it. also, as an elder goth i had to teach the head of housekeeping how to get hair dye stains out of the bathtub. there was a lot of property damage to towel bars, furniture, etc. when the costs in property damage exceeded the profit the owners declined to continue hosting the con.
People love looking down on other people, like making fun of anime enthusiasts. They're just repeating dumb stereotypes, it's basically just "haha, anime fans are weirdos and losers with so little social skills that they don't even realize they need to shower". People just like to put other people down.
Load More Replies...Ok, I schnorked at the accuracy. A friend of mine told me about how bad [any-]con kids smell, especially the furries.
The Holy Trinity Of Trying To Teach Someone What Prefixes Are
My shirt says “I know what prefixes are.” (“Prefices? Nope! Autocorrect didn’t like it and offered “Prefixes.”)
Load More Replies...Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson couldn't slap them hard enough to do that
Load More Replies...I wish. I was in an advanced English composition class at the university, and a woman asked, “What’s a pronoun?” Everyone turned to stare at her. Her explanation? “I’m from California.”
Load More Replies...This one, the “2023 - 2003 =30” one etc…. Are these people really that stupid or do they just think they are being edgy?
The tri in field trip isn't a prefix.... How stupid is this person?
Very. Unfortunately, there are a lot of them.
Load More Replies...I've been reading these too long .... some are starting to make sense.
How is it that the myth of knowledge is so acutely ingrained in the ignorant.
Common Gamer Fate
Sure, that's the only time people grind their teeth...Mind you, it's a bit of a self-burn if this is made up
I had to break myself of grinding my teeth when driving (I commute two hours a day...). Now I just tap them together constantly. Still annoying when I realize I'm doing it, but slightly less damaging...
Load More Replies...I Don't Have A Clever Title
Whatever the reason, that was a d*ckhead response and completely unnecessary. What's Marfan syndrome?
Load More Replies...I can see the tendons and stuff in my hands like that too, is that bad?
People are just plain mean. Why do they feel the need to comment on another persons appearance like that. She's probably got a lot of horrible comments.
I was just going to mention Marfan syndrome! That thumb is very long.
The only comment I would make is "Do you play piano? That hand would cover an octave and a half"
Does This Text I Just Received Qualify?
British Food
jfc imagine spending a night in the same house as a Rottweiler who just ate that many beans
On A Post Asking Where The Stereotype About British Women Being Ugly Started
We didn't give a fck until they voted Brexit. Now they're dead to us./s
Sorry For The Bad Censoring
You could take an inch or 2 off and still get the job done. What are we talking about again? 😚
Load More Replies...And it's a good moment to remind everyone : Moms who don't breastfeed are not less mothers than those who do. To all mothers reading this, you're doing great Mama !
From a mom whose child did not WANT to breastfeed because they stuck a bottle in his mouth at the hospital without my permission and he figured out that was easier.. thank you.
Load More Replies...Participation Trophy Wife
The genuine leather bookmark. Her fault for spending hours on a sunbed.
"He Looks Very White For A Spanish Guy"
Even if they are, it's not that unusual for a Hispanic person to be pale.
Load More Replies...It seems, that someone never was anywhere abroad, except of Mexico.
Why are some people so obsessed with skin color? Nevermind, xenophobia
I’ve been to Spain many times over and that’s not true, their skin isn’t ‘fair’, but it’s still white
I went to school in Spain. They're white.
Load More Replies...Leopards Shaming Faces Or Something
As a medical transcriptionist, I can confirm real doctors can't spell or do grammar...it's true.
As the daughter of a surgeon, I can only testify that they write their prescriptions with their toes. My dad's grammar , spelling and knowledge of literature was uncanny.
Load More Replies...Perhaps they are too busy studying human anatomy, illnesses/diseases and how to make us better
Punctuation marks can save lives. Example: "Let's eat granny!" vs "Let's eat, granny!" BUT: I really can't care less if the surgeon, that's rearranging my insides, can write perfect [insert language], as long as I leave their table closed up and with a plan for my recovery.
Oh I would mind though, as everything is documented in your patiënt file. If the surgeon is sloppy with grammar and spelling, would he also be sloppy with writing down amounts of medication received or needed? Move the comma and it gets life threatening. The wrong medication because of similarity in names? Information in a patiënts file needs to be clear and unambiguous, if someone needs to translate badly written texst in their minds then it's not good.
Load More Replies...An app, called Grammarly, can help you with sentence structure, spelling, and punctuation online. You should try to use it.
Peak "Tradimento"
As someone who lives next to Italy i see such things as an insult... 😅
As someone who lives nowhere near Italy I agree with you.
Load More Replies...Some people argue about putting pineapple on a pizza while ignoring people who put plastic on their pizza.
As an American, I find this very hard to believe. Really? I'm a Chicago guy so maybe thats the problem?
Apply Cold Water To Burnt Area
Imagine Being Roasted By A Nerd
I'm a nerd and I don't get this. Isn't it the roundness that makes pi irrational??
A Whole One
“Sorry I Only Speak American 🇺🇸”
Guess they can't speak English either, I'm so embarrassed by this
When Data Is Beautiful
Dating App Pickup Line Backfires
Hm, I don't regulary play cards, but as I remember, the Joker one is the best in most of games.
My 8 Y.o Cousins Way Of Calling My Sister Fat
Depends on the food. If there's avocado involved you're on your own.
I Blame Dula Peep For This Ice Cream Combo Being Viral
No but that's legit delicious. My mother in law, who is 78 and dislikes everything except this, told me about it. Sounds weird, but it works.
I had something like that once. But it was pumpkin seed oil instead. Was pretty good.
Chocolate cake with a drizzle of olive oil and salt. It was in the menu of a nice vegetarian restaurant and it did, in fact, work
Another Day, Another Ksi Being Roast
Found On TikTok
My Fiancée Roasted Me
This Is A Good One
Even i hated them 90s/2000s brows and I'm a man. Gay one, but still. I had a friend who would wax them to an inch of their life and they would grow in fast. One day i called her 5 o'clock eyebrow and she punched me in the chest. Hard 😆
This Is Some Cartoon Type Things
This cutting off content is BS. Someone should copy the list of the cut off stuff and make their own post with the remaining content that is now behind a paywall...
Zephyr, Or we could all start spending more time on Reddit, where seemingly 80% of BP content is stolen from.
Load More Replies...Really BP? YOU rip your content off other sites and you want to charge us to read it?
What do you call a website that pilfers other websites for content, and then tries to charge for it? Bored Panda.
what do you call the only social website not blocked at my school so i only go on it because im desperate?? bored panda
Load More Replies...Number 67 and 69 weren't comebacks, they were just straight up insults.
When I get to the "subscribe now" banner, I just laugh. It is ridiculously hilarious to me that BP thinks I'm going to pay for content that I can just stroll over to reddit and read for free. Also, I'm here because I'm wasting time. I'm bored. I'm not so invested in any one post that I'm going to shell out money to keep reading. I'll just move on to the next. A post has 30 entries and you only want to show me 15? Cool, I'll read the 15 and then move onto a different post. Why on earth am I gonna pony up actual money?
The people who pay for Premium probably buy DLC for games they don't have.
^ This is the sickest burn on this entire list.
Load More Replies...This cutting off content is BS. Someone should copy the list of the cut off stuff and make their own post with the remaining content that is now behind a paywall...
Zephyr, Or we could all start spending more time on Reddit, where seemingly 80% of BP content is stolen from.
Load More Replies...Really BP? YOU rip your content off other sites and you want to charge us to read it?
What do you call a website that pilfers other websites for content, and then tries to charge for it? Bored Panda.
what do you call the only social website not blocked at my school so i only go on it because im desperate?? bored panda
Load More Replies...Number 67 and 69 weren't comebacks, they were just straight up insults.
When I get to the "subscribe now" banner, I just laugh. It is ridiculously hilarious to me that BP thinks I'm going to pay for content that I can just stroll over to reddit and read for free. Also, I'm here because I'm wasting time. I'm bored. I'm not so invested in any one post that I'm going to shell out money to keep reading. I'll just move on to the next. A post has 30 entries and you only want to show me 15? Cool, I'll read the 15 and then move onto a different post. Why on earth am I gonna pony up actual money?
The people who pay for Premium probably buy DLC for games they don't have.
^ This is the sickest burn on this entire list.
Load More Replies...
