Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
One Of The Most Famous Dads Continues Tweeting Funny Conversations With His Daughters, And Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Tweets)
Interview With Author
Professional comedy writer, father of four girls, and one of the most famous dads on the internet today—meet James Breakwell, the founder of the legendary Exploding Unicorn family humor project on Twitter. From keeping his family happy to managing a brand that’s keeping the world’s parents giggling during those rare moments of solitude, James is a great embodiment of what the best dads are known for: balancing work and life, giving everyone the full attention they deserve, all the while keeping the internet laughing until it hurts.
We’ve collected some of James’ funniest and most interesting recent tweets that paint a wholesome word picture about the heartwarming chaos in his home. Scroll down, check out what it’s really like raising four daughters, and don’t forget to upvote the tweets that you liked the most.
I reached out to James and he was kind enough to answer a few of my questions. We spoke about why his tweets resonate with so many people, the secrets hiding behind his success, and the future of Exploding Unicorn. Scroll down for Bored Panda's full interview with him, Pandas.
And just in case you still haven’t had your fun parenting fix yet, you really ought to take a peek at Bored Panda’s previous features of James’ tweets here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. Enjoy!
More info: Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube | ExplodingUnicorn.com | Books
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
AMaureen Dance 4 years ago
A place I worked, the woman who did accounts payable wouldn't make a payment without 4 specific documents. No exceptions. I'm not sure what happened,but I know the temp agency didn't stick a packing slip on me when I showed up to work.
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
My bills come in with the Tag Line, This bill does not need to be paid as you are $## in advance. That is what happens when you pay something on everything, every pay day. I am not in the red with anything but my Mortgage and erven that is in advance.
In James' view, the success of Exploding Unicorn rests on how relatable his tweets are for many social media users. We're far more alike in our life experiences than some of us realize. "Everybody’s kids are weird. No matter what strange, hilarious thing your kid did, somebody else’s kid probably did something just like it," he told Bored Panda in an email interview.
"That’s why so many people relate to my tweets. They’re living the same experience every day, if not with their own kids, then through some other kids they know or maybe even through memories of their own childhoods."
One of James' superpowers is his unrelenting optimism. He believes that laughter and having a positive outlook on life can really turn things around for the better. "There’s a fine line between complaining about parenting and celebrating the struggle," he said. "Even in the most frustrating moments, I try to put a positive spin on it. Laughing is better than having a nervous breakdown." And we completely agree with him there.
RELATED:
#2
That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 4 years ago
Pour cold water over burn, then apply burn ointment or aloe Vera 😉
Load More Replies...
What's more, James gave Bored Panda an exclusive sneak peek into what the near future holds for the Exploding Unicorn brand. Right now, he's focusing on his weekly newsletter that's full to the brim with hilarity.
"My big push right now is for my weekly newsletter, where I tell funny stories that can’t be summed up in 280 characters. Highlights there include the time I surprised my brother at his wedding reception with a seven-foot-tall taxidermy bear dressed in a tuxedo and the time my neighbors called the police on my pet pigs," he revealed what the newsletter's all about. "You can sign up to get that free newsletter every Sunday night here."
That's not all, though. James plans to continue writing books, and as someone who's dabbled in that a bit, I'm all for it. "I have three comedy parenting guides out and one guided journal for children. A few months ago, I released How To Be A Man (Whatever That Means): Lessons In Modern Masculinity From a Questionable Source. That one focuses more on funny stories from my life before kids. In January, I have my first fiction book coming out called The Chosen Twelve. It has my usual humor, but also kids with swords fighting robots and killer kangaroos. Good times."
#3
Marissa Taylor 4 years ago
no no i can confimr. my 7 year old sibling would say this
Load More Replies... 
James has been sharing fun and chuckle-worthy excerpts from his family life since creating his Twitter account way back in 2012. However, it was in April of 2016 that things took a turn for the dramatic.
That’s when his account went viral, launching his career as a social media superstar dad. Suddenly, everyone wanted to get a piece of James and to take a peek into what makes him tick. He’s been featured by some of the world’s best-known media sites (the number of interviews he’s done is frankly staggering!) and he’s no stranger to TV and radio, either. That’s the sort of fame that few parents would say no to!
According to his website, James was chosen as Closer Magazine’s ‘Blogger Dad of The Year’ back in 2016. Awards for being a dad and a writer? Count us in!
#4
backatya 4 years ago
why? it doesn't do much good. A family is usually joyful. But with an attitude like yours I can see why it wasn't
Load More Replies...
#5
Marcellus II 4 years ago
Whatever's not nailed down is mine. Whatever I can pry loose wasn't nailed down.
Axolotl King 4 years ago
When my sister was two or three or four or something we were decorating the tree and my dad gave my sister a box of ornaments to bring to my mom and she dropped the box and every single ornament shattered except the two metal ones
Wise beauty 4 years ago
Okay, let’s take a moment to realize how much of a dark mind this child has….
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
Now you know that she will never accidentally stab you. You'll know she really wants to kill you.
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
Ah sorry this was meant for the pumpkin stabbing one
Load More Replies... #6
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
Sometimes they have good lessons and morals, but usually they're buried by the storyline.
Load More Replies...
Ever since the Exploding Unicorn project went viral, James has been raking in the followers. As it stands now, his Twitter account has over a million followers. Meanwhile, he also has 295k fans on Facebook and a further 148k followers on Instagram. Throw in the 20.9k subscribers that he’s got on YouTube and you’ve got yourself a small media empire.
His talents aren’t just limited to the Exploding Unicorn tweets, though. He’s also got a Star Wars parody account, he’s setting his artistic talents loose through his three webcomics, and he’s published a series of tongue-in-cheek books about parenting and more.
As for the name of the project itself, the idea of the Exploding Unicorn is something that he’s been mulling inside his mind for years and years, ever since he was in high school. Bored one day, he wrote a fake book of the Bible and one of the passages featured hydrogen-filled unicorns. The line “…and that’s where we get the saying, ‘It exploded like a unicorn’” is where the roots of the brand lie, slightly shrouded in history and mystery.
#7
Lola 4 years ago
Last time my sister said that, she had tied a sting around my tooth and the other end tied to the door k**b. All I remember is her slamming the door shut and my tooth flying. We were pretty young. The whole experience was very traumatizing.
Alysoun Learmonth 3 years ago
My mother once heard my one of my brothers say to the other..." You be Jesus and Ill hammer in the nails" ...yes he had the hammer and nails! Also the same brother to the neighbour boy while they were playing on the balcony ..."You put the rope round your neck and jump and then I'll do it".
#9
In an interview with Know Your Meme, James elaborated on how the tweets he posts are a way to comment about his daily life experiences and what surrounds him. Since he’s a dad of four girls, it made sense to write about their conversations.
“I’d been trying to make it as a comedy writer for ten years before I went viral. I felt vindicated when it finally happened. It turns out you really can fail your way to the top,” James joked.
#10
Andy Acceber 4 years ago
Headline: Seven-Year-Old First Human to Combine Own DNA with Sharks. "I wanted more teeth for the tooth fairy," says child.
#11
CatGirl 4 years ago
When the 5 year old tells you that they're literally urinating to avoid something, it seems like a realistic idea to just avoid the thing.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Or, since she's bored, perhaps he could take a more proactive route to alleviate her boredom; buy her some colorful prayer books, have her color religious coloring books during church, etc.
Load More Replies... Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Kids know that they are sitting in a room full of adults, doing nothing interesting as far as the kids know. Children like running and playing, while church doesn't have that. There are simple explanations that do not involve bashing the things you do not agree with.
Load More Replies... 
James explained to Know Your Meme that his tweets are a mix of reality and fiction. “Some are real, some are exaggerated, and some are made up, but they’re all inspired by my kids,” he was candid. “These are the kinds of things my daughters say and do, even if they didn’t literally say or do them that day. That’s why my jokes ring true to so many parents. The people who have a problem with my comedy tend to be childless.”
#13
#14
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
I remember my 3rd child, getting him ready for his first day of school, He was so excited he was sort of dressed and ready at 3 am before I ordered him back to bed. Day one was great. UNTIL, I made mention that Tomorrow will be even better. WHAT, I have to go to school again tomorrow? And the tears started.. There was no 3am start the next morning.
#15
Nadja Lambacher 4 years ago
*hands her Firestarter from Stephen King* You are going to like this
Recently, I had an in-depth conversation about parenting and its potential pitfalls with Lenore Skenazy, the president of Let Grow and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. According to her, it’s important for parents to find the right balance between being too strict and too lenient, too prying and too hands-off.
Something that parents ought to value in the digital age is their children’s privacy, Lenore says. “One thing many parents are choosing today is to keep their kids under constant surveillance, with the help of tech. Whether it’s being able to track their kids’ movements, read their browsing history, or even scan their texts, parents have all sorts of new tools to make them seemingly omniscient,” she told Bored Panda.
#16
Axolotl King 4 years ago
Ok, but answer the question. WERE THERE OR WERE THERE NOT DRAGONS IN THE 80'S????
im.bored.person 4 years ago
...and we hunted dracula through the streets with knights and witches
Tobias the Tiger 3 years ago
My dad was about my age (teen years) in the 80s, and we once had a conversation talking about if the show Stranger Things was like his teen years. He stated that he did in fact fight Demogorgons.
Downunderdude 4 years ago
When I was about that age, I asked my father 'Daddy, when you were little, did they say 'Thee' and 'Thou'?
#17
#18
Happi doggi (ve/ver/vis) 4 years ago
Free to roam the afterlife, R.I.P dobby 😭
Load More Replies...
Adelaide 4 years ago
Question: When is it okay to make a Harry Potter reference? Answer: Always
“For the same reason you didn’t want your parents to read your diary, or to build a treehouse on the branch right next to YOUR treehouse, children need some space to grow into their own person. Kids need to know they are loved, but they also need to know they are trusted. They can’t prove that if parents never actually let them do some things literally on their own, without constant surveillance,” she said.
In Lenore’s opinion, the path to greater trust between parents and their kids is by embodying the motto “talk, don’t stalk.” In other words, trust and communication lead to more trust and better communication.
#20
A Jones 4 years ago
As a person with 4 sisters, there are mixed feelings friend.
Load More Replies... 
“Try to keep the lines of communication open with your kids, and gradually give them more freedom as they get older and earn it by being responsible. Taking all independence away for their ‘safety’ is a way to teach them that you don’t think they can handle anything on their own— how deflating!—and that you don’t trust them. Would you appreciate a spouse who tracked your every move? Would you feel trusted? Love requires some trust.”
#22
#23
Annamagelic 4 years ago
My husband and I both have STEM degrees and our elementary age kids are highly skeptical of our math abilities too.
Bethany Heller 4 years ago
Nobody understands math! (Says the girl working towards an English major)
#24
Shelley DuVal 4 years ago
None of the pants I wear have pockets, but my house pants (ie: pj bottoms) do. Go figure!
Load More Replies... 
Jessica Rabbit 4 years ago
Skirts and dresses with pockets are THE BEST. My daughter excitedly declared, "Mommy, my dress has pockets!" and I totally understood the excitement.
Billie Templeton 4 years ago
The first time I inspected a pair of boy's briefs I mistakenly took the front as a pocket and thought, no fair
Susan Thomas 4 years ago
This is why every woman I know says, "And it has pockets" when complimented on a dress!
Robert Robi Z 4 years ago
Seriously, you managed to find a piece of girls' clothing with pockets!?
#25
A B C 4 years ago
Now that's the first comparison ever that makes me understand the joy of having kids a liiiiiittle better.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Yep! Conpletely accurate. Note: I do not have kids. I have siblings, several of whom I have practically raised. There are 10 of them. Send help.
Load More Replies...
meow point1 4 years ago
When I was a kid and was told I screwed up, I'd feel mega guilty, so if my dad said that, I'd be like "OH NO! I GIVE HIM A HEADACHE!" and cry in my room.
Alysoun Learmonth 3 years ago
My brother once said to our mum " Having a baby must be like having a big poo". Mums reply was " Yes and look what I got". ( He was a teenager at the time)
#26
#27
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Like my mother said: "We can go to the park or clean the house. Park it is."
Gergely Pászti 3 years ago
Wait. A 9-year-old knowing that quote... ... good parenting there, well done. :)
#28
Hans 4 years ago
Seriously, in a parliamentary monarchy without inheritance of the crown this could work.
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
It depends on whether the constitution of the republic of which you want to become the president specifically forbids foreign heads of state to become president. But if you are a just queen consort, technically nothing forbids it.
#29
A B C 4 years ago
Which is one of the reasons why, if there is even the slightest chance of the existence of higher beings, I'm sure that they would not want us to endure these dominical litanies. Thankfully neither in my country in general nor in my family in particular it's enforced that you go to church every sunday (or frowned upon if you don't).
#30
#31
SAVE THE CHINCHILLAS!!! 4 years ago
Instead I say "do you have an extra 100-200 bucks?" And wait for them to ask
#32
Whatshername 4 years ago (edited)
Kinda true. We had potatoes, meat and veggies 6 days a week. The most exotic thing mom cooked was macaroni (bolognese with loads of veggies). Other stuff wasn't available like it is now. Also, she had no clue 😊
#33
#34
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
You're going to have to be careful with your sugar intake, my friend.
Load More Replies... 
#35
#36
That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 4 years ago
The Cloak of Invisibility is always an option for wizards!
#37
Joanna Werman 4 years ago
What's the difference between real people and internet people? I truly don't know
#38
MarsFKA 4 years ago
Good to know we're not alone: Granddaughter was staying with us one weekend, and we went to town, stopping at the supermarket on the way home. She wanted a new toothbrush to keep at our place and chose a Diego brush (Dora the Explorer was flavour of the month for six-year-olds at the time). A week later, she came to visit and later wanted to clean her teeth. She commented that she was going to use the new brush that she had bought. Granny: "Hey! I bought that brush!" 6: "No, I bought it." Granny: "I paid for it, so I bought it." 6: "No, I bought it. I picked it and used your money.”
#39
#40
Jo Iverson 4 years ago
been saying that for a hundred years. Finally someone listened.
Load More Replies... 
Robert Robi Z 4 years ago
The decision not to kill the spider is right, no matter the reason behind it
#41
Printerman 4 years ago
I'm imagining this to the tune of "Jimmy crack corn" and now I have an earworm. Thanks.
Charlotte Carpenter 4 years ago
im just imagining this song to the I've got a dollar song lol!
Tobias the Tiger 3 years ago
New version of "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"?
#42
#43
i put the pan in panic 4 years ago
oh, ryan. often you say something rude, but occasionally you’ll have an absolute gem of a comment like this one
Load More Replies...
BigFootToo 4 years ago
There needs to be a 7 year first term limit on all new marriages! You can both decide to renew or not.
#44
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
My little sister does that too. I keep telling her that's a male genital, but she doesn't care.
~Emma Howery~ 4 years ago
My sister will be like “ah my nuts” and me and my entire family will just shake our heads because she does it all the time. Did I mention she’s in 4th grade?
Incitatus 4 years ago
In 5th grade she will yell, "WHAT ARE THOSE??" while pointing at her testicles. All 5th graders do this.
Load More Replies... Lynn Morello 4 years ago
My niece told my SIL that she wanted a Penis so she could have a Penis if she wanted one. She then proceeded to draw on the Newspaper with her fathers new Pen. She was 4 at the time.
#45
Mike Rodrick 4 years ago
There was once a commercial with kids being asked what they want to be when they grow up. A little girl said "I wanna be a brown nose." Never saw the commercial a 2nd time. I laughed till I pissed my pants.
VesselTrenchBlurryface 4 years ago
I wanted to be a Librarian too! that's because I love reading
#46
A B C 4 years ago
To brighten y'alls mood, they can, just not with as many colours as we do because they're missing one (of three) receptors that humans have.
not your average weirdo 4 years ago
Dogs can actually see blues, yellows, and greys. So they can see parts of the rainbow.
Lynn Morello 4 years ago (edited)
When dogs see rainbows they leave us and cross the rainbow bridge. Then they are gone for ever. Be thankful for small mercies.
Goth mouse (they/them) 4 years ago
I think they can see some colours?? My dog has lots of tennis balls but always picks the pink one??
#47
Beeps 4 years ago
“That doesn’t match the pink on your shirt” - why would you even say something like that to a 4-year old?
snipergun 4 years ago
Not me, I don't know what matches with what on me either 😂
Load More Replies...
Alan Jay Weiner 4 years ago
I once dropped my daughter off at my sister's home daycare. She immediately said "you dressed her, right?" How was I to know plaids and stripes don't go together?
#48
MadeupDemon 4 years ago
I did this with my dad once. I think it's needless to say he was not amused
#49
Ola Pe 4 years ago
My daughter once asked if I was born in 17-77😛 so obviously I’m a vanpire
Load More Replies...
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Sounds like the kid that said that his grandmother was so old that she should have died long, long ago.
Kathleen McKenna 3 years ago
I am reading this in Dec. 2022. I'm 68 and my daughter is 47. Even so, I can relate. Sometimes I wonder how parents don't wind up laughing themselves silly all the time. Anyone remember Kids Say The Darndest Things?
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
I kept telling my kids I was 21, with X number of years experience, My 9 year old was so proud when he figured out that I was 35 and asked me If I remembered the Dinosaurs.
IlovemydogShilo 4 years ago
I was born in the 70s. By that reckoning I should have been dead about a decade ago.
John Augsburger 4 years ago
Ouches, I was born in the 60s. Actually I'd been wondering about that smell.
#50
SAVE THE CHINCHILLAS!!! 4 years ago
I compare things with my cat but baby yoda is THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#51
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
Now that's how you tell if a boy is right for you. Everyone else is doing it wrong.
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
"But Trevor Has a shiny Giratina and two Garchomps... I think I'm in love."
#52
#53
SAVE THE CHINCHILLAS!!! 4 years ago
I'd want to celebrate every time I have a good day, it's very rare
#54
#55
#57
#58
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
Yeah, what else could they ever have to tell? It was just as uneventful, miserable and boring as always. In other words : school.
#59
#60
Jennifer Johnson 4 years ago
my mom's version for us cleaning our rooms was to take everything from everywhere, drawers, closets,etc and make a big pile in the middle of our bedroom. and then we had the rest of the day to put things away right or lose them
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
We have clean according to MY rules and clean according to my SISTER'S rules. Everyone prefers to be judged by mine. I call a room with 2 Legos on the floor "clean". She calls it "a disgrace to mankind". (She calls it "filthy", I was just exaggerating for comedic effect).
#62
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
When you are 5, a "boyfriend" is just a guy who gives you a kitkat, with whom you play during recess and whom you sometimes hug awkwardly.
Load More Replies... 
#63
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
And it's not even true. You absolutely don't have to wear clothes in the weekend.
eimipet 4 years ago
Unless it’s cold. Then put on even fuzzier clothes and go back to bed. :)
Load More Replies... J.L. Martin 4 years ago
Generally Sundays are always PYJAMAS DAY in our house. It's the one day a week where I Mom at only about 50% of my full capabilities.
#65
Jennifer Johnson 4 years ago
isn't there a cartoon series about a kid who is also a dragon and his kung fu grandfather?
#66
Pumpkin Spice 4 years ago
That was somthing me and my sis did. We also did one entirely in verse.
#67
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago (edited)
I feel like my 9 year old brother didn't complain this much when he had to get up at 6 with the rest of us...everyone younger than 7 just fell back asleep. (I would like to note that we no longer attend mass at 8, it's at 12 now. We wake up at 9, cause the journey's 4 times as long. We moved.)
#68
ThEboRedEsTpANdA 4 years ago
Mornings and evenings. Mornings so your hair is neat, evenings so it isn't impossible to brush in the morning
#73
#74
#75
#76
#77
Anne Reid 4 years ago
Not just stupid, but incredibly cruel. It’s a 9 year old child!
Load More Replies... 
#78
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
If your leg is broken, you need to see the Hospital, You might have to have Tetanus needle.
#79
J.L. Martin 4 years ago
You just triggered my anxiety with a 5-year-old's declaration. Thanks.
#80
#81
#82
#83
J.L. Martin 4 years ago
Cheese and garlic. Two things I can never have enough of. Okay, and dark chocolate. Three things.
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
Make this girl the queen of France! I mean, the heir is only 11, so... It can do.
#84
#86
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
A 10 year old should have all the time to watch Harry Potter movies. They'll have to deal with schedules and appointments for the next 55 years. Give them some time to be a kid.
June 4 years ago
She litteraly said she has no free time because she plan to watch all the Harry Potter on her free time...
Load More Replies... That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 4 years ago
Harry Potter movies are the best way to spend free time!
#89
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
Only 5, and she already understands how inheritance works... Smart little girl.
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
My brother, at 6, made a full plan wherein he stays with our parents after he grows up, and inherits the house when they die. Joke's on him, the house goes to my older brother in that event. So does the care of my siblings, oddly enough.
Load More Replies...
#90
ThEboRedEsTpANdA 4 years ago
If you didn't have school on Monday, going to school on Tuesdays would just be harder
#91
Mallory m. Brewer 4 years ago
https://www.amazon.com/Disney-Frozen-Musical-Light-Dress/dp/B003XC3J46 It’s says that it isn’t in stock but there it is
Load More Replies... #92
#93
#95
Raven DeathShade 4 years ago
Nope. Pay us more. (Not a teacher yet, but I'm heading off to college next year.)
#96
ThEboRedEsTpANdA 4 years ago
What, James or the 3yr old? Coz I'm pretty sure he only has daughters
Load More Replies... #97
#98
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
But pets don't care. "Sure, according to your clock it's 3PM, but I know it's 4PM and I want my daily 4PM treat now." Proceeds to position herself on my keyboard like a French lady.
#100
Bruce Leibee 4 years ago
No actually believes any of these "exchanges" are real, do they? Yes, I raised 3 children and oddly enough, they never had cute, little, perfectly timed responses for me to post on the internet; how odd.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 4 years ago
Most of my senior class went with either them or the advanced degree in active duty. There are large swaths of the US where its the only path to higher education.
Load More Replies...
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Mike Crow 4 years ago
While serving in the Royal Canadian Navy, I overheard my best friends young son say that he was sad his dad was going to sea. But the little boy was then comforted by his big sister when she said “don’t worry Jacob, Daddy is only going away to get us presents.”
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
Yes, we know it is probably fake... But it does not matter. It is just supposed to be funny jokes, and it is, period.
Lydia Dean-Melchior 4 years ago
I don't get all the criticism. Personally I think all the haters are just jealous of James Breakwell's comedic talent. I think he is quite talented, and I love and laugh, at his humor. I enjoy his take on his family, and his children. I think for a comedian to be as successful as he is one needs to take bits and pieces, truth and some between the lines creativity, etc. Including actual things said by his children. After all, as Art Linkletter said, "kids say the darndest things." Y'all need to lighten up, and laugh a little. It would truly do you all some good. Thanks, James Brekwell, for the laughs.
McGovernor 4 years ago
Amen sister anyone who has met kids knows they say the best and craziest things
Load More Replies...
Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
Him again? With this constant stream of material, it's obvious that he's writing it all himself.
Lauren McG 4 years ago
Favourite thing my 4 year old has ever said.. I wish it was saturday or half term every day so I could spend every day with you. I honestly didnt realise she liked me that much <3
Karis Ravenhill 4 years ago
The only time I get the niggling to want to have kids, is for the crap that comes out of their mouths. Best thing about them is the random nonsense they say.
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
When my son was 4, we were outside playing, and he was blowing dandelion fluff to the wind and said, "I'm setting all the souls free"! Yeah, they come up with funny stuff sometimes!
Load More Replies...
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago (edited)
My daughter was in the bathroom with me, like you EVER get to use the bathroom alone with a 3 year old around, and I changed a tampon. (Ok, gross - but bear with me). Later that day we were having brunch with family at our favorite breakfast spot. She pipes up with, "Mommy do you need to get another tampon?" Cue me knocking my silverware to the floor so I could crawl under the table. Another time she's watching me leaning over to "adjust" myself into my bra and tells me, "When I grow up I will have long boobies and shave my legs". Yeah, kid - that basically sums up the female experience.
Mike Crow 4 years ago
While serving in the Royal Canadian Navy, I overheard my best friends young son say that he was sad his dad was going to sea. But the little boy was then comforted by his big sister when she said “don’t worry Jacob, Daddy is only going away to get us presents.”
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
Yes, we know it is probably fake... But it does not matter. It is just supposed to be funny jokes, and it is, period.
Lydia Dean-Melchior 4 years ago
I don't get all the criticism. Personally I think all the haters are just jealous of James Breakwell's comedic talent. I think he is quite talented, and I love and laugh, at his humor. I enjoy his take on his family, and his children. I think for a comedian to be as successful as he is one needs to take bits and pieces, truth and some between the lines creativity, etc. Including actual things said by his children. After all, as Art Linkletter said, "kids say the darndest things." Y'all need to lighten up, and laugh a little. It would truly do you all some good. Thanks, James Brekwell, for the laughs.
McGovernor 4 years ago
Amen sister anyone who has met kids knows they say the best and craziest things
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 4 years ago
Him again? With this constant stream of material, it's obvious that he's writing it all himself.
Lauren McG 4 years ago
Favourite thing my 4 year old has ever said.. I wish it was saturday or half term every day so I could spend every day with you. I honestly didnt realise she liked me that much <3
Karis Ravenhill 4 years ago
The only time I get the niggling to want to have kids, is for the crap that comes out of their mouths. Best thing about them is the random nonsense they say.
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
When my son was 4, we were outside playing, and he was blowing dandelion fluff to the wind and said, "I'm setting all the souls free"! Yeah, they come up with funny stuff sometimes!
Load More Replies... Celtic Pirate Queen 4 years ago (edited)
My daughter was in the bathroom with me, like you EVER get to use the bathroom alone with a 3 year old around, and I changed a tampon. (Ok, gross - but bear with me). Later that day we were having brunch with family at our favorite breakfast spot. She pipes up with, "Mommy do you need to get another tampon?" Cue me knocking my silverware to the floor so I could crawl under the table. Another time she's watching me leaning over to "adjust" myself into my bra and tells me, "When I grow up I will have long boobies and shave my legs". Yeah, kid - that basically sums up the female experience.
You May Like 81 Funny Music Tweets To Get Your Mood In A Flow 60 Funny Tweets About Tattoos That Are Worth Their Ink 50 Times Parents Sent The Most Unhinged Text Messages To Their Kids
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė
Justina Čiapaitė
Mantas Kačerauskas
Related on Bored Panda
