ADVERTISEMENT

New Year’s resolutions have become tradition at this point. Even if you don’t partake in it, there will certainly be a contingent of people who crave change and the new year is a great symbolic moment for a fresh start.

It’s also a great time for the other contingent of folks to start taking jabs at it in the form of posts, memes, and reactions because we all know the gym is going to be empty roughly a month or two later.

#1

Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

charlotteirene8 Report

Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. "The world" and "life in general" also have strong opportunities for growth and improvement.

TheMagicOfBeingMia (She/Her)
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well we've had four disaster years, I do not need to be 'better' the new year does.

LizzieBoredom
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Re-Solution. Not The-Solution. It's all right there in the word.

Lady Gypsy Rain
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Raising a glass, hear hear!! Here is to hoping this year is the best year of our lives to date and that every year from this point forward is the best year yet.

Isaac Harvey
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m not enthusiastic about changing my goals until I see the world change for the better.

View more comments
RELATED:
    #2

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    siddharth3 Report

    Trillian
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Keep it open all year, just reduce the workout area for additional spa space the rest of the year.

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    or simply 'Resolutions & Regrets'

    Lady Gypsy Rain
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We have laundry facilities that have bars attached. Why not gyms? 😆

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One month of squats and 11 months of elbow bends.

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    does it also serve cheese?

    View more comments
    #3

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    SoVeryBritish Report

    The Doom Song
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eat more cheese. Put me down for that one

    LizzieBoredom
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I joined WeightWatchers and found out 3 ounces of Havarti has more calories and fat than my entire dinner, so I had to quit WW.

    Load More Replies...
    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't get rid of old socks. Audi adopts them. He is a very kind cat, and will even adopt brand new socks. Unfortunately for the socks, love hurts.

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eat mango at least once a week. They're delicious, and I deserve nice things.

    Lady Gypsy Rain
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The socks. I can’t get behind this. I know I’d never actually keep that one. 😂

    Zach Heimann
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hot take: cheese sucks unless it’s on pizza or enchiladas

    laura lee
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think I can maybe manage muddle through

    Hinchess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stay out of trouble. Be kind.

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why reach for the stars when a light switch is so close?

    SuperChicken
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "getting there" a lot to eat more cheese? Sure. I'm there.

    View more comments

    So, why are New Year’s resolutions so prevalent and observed in many parts of the world? The short answer is that they’re important and healthy.

    One of the reasons has already been hinted at in the introduction and that is that resolutions can provide a fresh start. “New Year, new me”, after all.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #4

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    garyhgoodridge Report

    d
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maya Angelou said "they might not remember what you said, or did, but they will remember how you made them feel" (or to that effect). Changed my life. I am my authentic self, for that. I do laugh, love, live...but I'm also me...if you want to be your authentic self, please be honest. Be you, so I know you. I might love you/ I might laugh with you / I might live with you...just be your authentic self, so I can remember you, correct.

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i just vow to not make a resolution - oh - my ... forget about this

    Cydney Golden
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Began doing that in my 40s. Now happily in my late 60s.

    ILoveMySon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My only resolution is not to make one.

    View more comments
    #5

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    sudhirchaudhary Report

    Jayjay
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love this one 😂😂😂

    Mimi La Souris
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i would say "1st january : 1am -1st january : 2am - 1st january : 3am - 2024"

    Sonja
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me, reading this from under a blanket on January 4th.

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you dare to steal MY resolution? hf, too lazy to respond - ^^

    Lady Gypsy Rain
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shoot. They made it past noon on January 1. The struggle is real.

    deejak
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I skipped the first 3 and went directly to 4.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #6

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    ArizonaDOT Report

    Lauren S
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually think I know exactly where that is.

    Load More Replies...
    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking at you, my wife.

    Jane Hower
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    F....g 'gov' says these funny signs have to stop. Typical leftest no humor idiots.

    View more comments

    The new year is like hitting kind of a reset button, which allows you to set new goals (or pretend they’re new, but they’re actually old, just needed a revisit). Whatever the case, it’s a nice symbolic time to reflect and refocus your priorities in life. And with that, you gain more clarity, you finally have a direction to work towards, which in turn allows you to plan and be prepared for the challenges ahead.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #7

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    dog_rates Report

    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless said dog takes umbrage and bites your hand off!

    Load More Replies...
    Midoribird Aoi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    4. Slow down first so it does not become a drive by slapping.

    Clarf
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well now #4 is my goal for sure!

    #8

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    dinahaddie Report

    John
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is actually a Polish custom. Some families still do it here in America.

    #9

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    NylaRoseBeast Report

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't decide if this funny, or really ... really ... not. Leaning towards not the farther away it becomes.

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    nah, i don´t find this funny at all - it needs at least a 4K resolution

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT

    If anything, resolutions can make us feel good. Well, all right, completing resolutions can make us feel good. It’s the same as accomplishing anything important, except this time around you’re doing this for you.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    And besides feeling like a million bucks (inflation not adjusted), you will actually get something done which in turn should improve your life. And who knows, you might end up doing more.

    #10

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    emschroeds Report

    SCP 4666
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine is to learn to difference between property and belongings

    Cydney Golden
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't eat, do something else. If you're hungry you'll still be hungry when you're finished.

    Louisa Spoke
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have a drink of water first as you are probably thirsty first before being hungry. Reading is a good way to cure being bored.

    María Hermida
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Very useful. Let me know when you find out, please.

    EP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s easy. It’s always bored. Never actually hungry lol

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my secret is, i´m always hungry....

    View more comments
    #11

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    adamgreattweet Report

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does that include less sound you make through your mouth? Of just less sound your body makes all by itself?

    Jeff Hunt
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you’re over 40 and wake up one day and nothing hurts; congratulations. You’re dead.

    𝖊𝖜𝖔𝛋
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And for me to not feel the need to say “oof my bones” each time I stand up

    Jane Hower
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My GF and I say that people don't know how old we are until they hear us standup!! hehe

    Monica Hatton
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good luck with that! It only gets worse as you age.

    Isaac Harvey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As long as I get to pet my cat. That’s all that matters. My cat is more important than my knees.

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yoga helped me with that, the knee and elbow popping decreased

    LizzieBoredom
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    #12

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    adamgreattweet Report

    Crybabyartist
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can't both "drink more water" and "sleep at night", you have to choose one or the other.

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    problem solved: just pee in the bed

    Load More Replies...
    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Resolutions rarely work for most people

    Jayjay
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What about "f*ck off with resolutions"? They've never worked out, so why should they now?

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Would you be surprised to learn that New Year’s resolutions have been around for roughly 4,000 years? Though, it wasn’t in January, but rather in March because crops.

    The celebration would last 12 days, they’d crown a new king or reaffirm their loyalty to the old one, they’d promise the gods they’d pay their debts, return anything borrowed and whatnot, not unlike how folks do resolutions today.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #13

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    ThePunnyWorld Report

    Caffeinated Hedgehog
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My New Year's resolution is to procrasti

    Gert Domber
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I JUST HAD MY 89 TH. BIRTHDAY ON THE 3RD. GAVE UP ON RESOLUTIONS YEARS AGO, I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND DO WHAT I WANT TO DO NOT WHAT OTHERS WANT ME TO DO. I AM VERY HAPPY .

    Isaac Harvey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tried to anticrastinate yesterday. It was weird.

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No need to rush. Pace yourself

    Steve Hall
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Whoa, slow down there Scooter, take your time, don't rush, what's the hurry.

    Brian Droste
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think I started a long time ago.

    View more comments
    #14

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    uhhmmily Report

    Diana Wilcox
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This gal is hilarious! She has a YouTube channel called Not Even Emily; highly recommend.

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    if you´d consider help, feel free to ask....(oh my, as if)

    #15

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    deathbymustelid Report

    Herbie S.
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Welp, I think I've found a new tattoo.

    Spooky Demon Bat (they/them)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't really like cheese so... I guess I'll just sin then?

    Jayjay
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You cannot use Cheese and Sin in one sentence! I am a "kaaskop" (cheese head) from the Netherlands. Do not blame our cheeses!

    SparkDragon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is that: "eat cheese, and sin" or: "eat cheese and sin"? Because I don't think sin is going to be as tasty as cheese...

    Kerry G
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would definitely wear a T-shirt

    Kerry G
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nope I found a Kinda poorly made 1 on google and it was 19.99 and Temu has stickers so 2 popular for me To wear

    Load More Replies...
    Wolf Hungry
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Eat Tacos & sin ,suits me better

    Jenna
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ...and I'm all out of cheese.

    View more comments
    ADVERTISEMENT

    Now, you can joke about how even after 4,000 years humanity is still making promises of change. But it’s not uncommon for us to break promises made to ourselves.

    You see, many of us lose our resolve when we’re stressed or tired. It’s just how our brain is wired. These promises to ourselves are about self-discipline, and it’s easy to shut that part of the brain down with worry and exhaustion.

    #16

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    LizaWagner Report

    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's more than one of us?!

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    no, just you two. ordinary ppl will only make resolutions anytime (and forget about them soon as well)

    Load More Replies...
    Natty Tempest
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I rearranged my living room every day for a month, then didn't touch it for six years...

    AgingBull
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The rest of that statement is "then after sleeping act as if I never had such thoughts."

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #17

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    SketchesbyBoze Report

    Midoribird Aoi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is like a sweet Lady Tremaine, honestly...

    Tyranamar Seuss
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who is this? Why do we want to be her?

    PlatinumThe8-BitCat
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t remember her name but she is the nice old woman from the movie the Aristocats that is the owner of all the cats

    Load More Replies...
    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Minus the rapid aging hopefully

    Natty Tempest
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rich, oblivious and living in another country she doesn't speak the language to... I'd settle for the first part.

    𝖊𝖜𝖔𝛋
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She could be the evil stepmother’s mother.

    View more comments
    #18

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    TheCatWhisprer Report

    Andrew Arons
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The problem is I only notice it's off its track while it's rotating, and I can't do anything about it.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    There’s this thing called executive function—a set of mental skills like working memory, flexible thinking and self control. Stress and tiredness shuts those down after a hard day’s work and so it becomes very naturally tempting to just skip a beat. Or two. Or all of them—who needs to go to the gym? I’m not in that bad of a shape, right? Right!?

    #19

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    duolingo Report

    CryingChildKinnie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've learned more japanese from vocaloid songs than from that stupid owl Alyssa tell me what the answer is.

    Nonna_SoF
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And now I want a green apple barbecue pulled chicken sandwich.

    frederick clause
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thanks to Duo I can talk about quantum mechanics and the solar system. I can't order a hamburger or comment on the design of a park.

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jesus Christ, Duo 😳

    Isaac Harvey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But will I still be able to hear tomorrow?

    #1 Candevil Fan
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I learned more Japanese from listening to maboroshi than the owl. We all want to know.

    Pizza_God
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    and he starts making you do Spanish in the middle of it: "How do you say apples in Spanish?" "Mhhp...Man...Mphsh...Zanas!" i hope you mean what i think you mean.

    Load More Replies...
    Midoribird Aoi
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He probably tastes like a sick 🤢 owl.

    #20

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    milifeasdad Report

    Jayjay
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bright future for this kid: he/she already knows how to use and turn the rules to their own benefit:)

    nottheactualphoto
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This kid has started along the path to enlightenment.

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too young to be like that about school

    Jack Smith
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ha! i was like that my whole life. i hated (and still hate) school with a burning passion, but I had crippling anxiety, so I never actually said so (edit to add: just realised the way I phrased this sounds like I am no longer alive, and I'm a ghost complaining about school years after I died. I'm not. I'm alive and well (maybe not *well*. I'm alive, though))

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #21

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    Shawn_Booth Report

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A mighty task worthy of a hero like yourself. I'm hoping for less than 40 ..

    JM
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m hoping for fewer tissues going through the wash…

    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I keep my phone styluses very, very clean. Guess how. Just guess.

    Liz Downing
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember the very first time I actually finished a chapstick without washing it or losing it. It was last year. I am 62 years old.

    FaceTime Audio
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2023 I hit my goal of fewer Albuterol inhalers sent through the spin cycle. This year my goal is to remember that I have Albuterol and should take if when needed instead of never having it on me so I can’t wash it.

    Baseball is Life
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm hoping to not lose 4 ChapSticks in a week!

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Luckily, it’s possible to keep it up by creating what Shooksvensen called a stress budget. It works just like a financial budget, except you’re not spending money—rather, you’re giving time and attention to things that stress you out. And if you don’t give any, then it won’t stress you out. Pure and simple.

    #22

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    MeCookieMonster Report

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn't notice this was Cookie Monster's resolution the first time through. It make a LOT more sense now that I understand.

    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I didn't make this resolution, but I'm on track!

    Wolf Hungry
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cookie Monster ,my childhood idol ,count me in.

    Blondie23
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cookie Monster is my life coach!

    #23

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    jamesxingleton Report

    Hphizzle
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was kind of hoping it would transition into a Rick Roll. “Never gonna give you up…”

    View more comments
    #24

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    awhalefact Report

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Minus the seal torture I guess?

    Jill Bussey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you thinking of orcas, rather than the whale pictured in their profile?

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT

    An example of conserving a stress budget would be to skip reading or watching the news for a day, don’t reach out to people who stress you out, don’t pile commitments or events into one day, don’t tempt yourself with things that support bad habits or whatever else that might deplete your stress budget. In other words, identify what stresses you and don’t invest yourself in it.

    #25

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    caitsjohnson1 Report

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Baby steps. Doable.

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She didn’t say anything about other girls. This is more Karen energy than NLOG

    Load More Replies...
    Kylie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing wrong with being a B***h, as long as you know it.

    tw 72
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless you are being a b!tch to someone who does not deserve to be dealing with a b!tch...

    Load More Replies...
    #26

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    richardosman Report

    PattyK
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    … fewer grammar pedants (nah nah nah nah nah)

    Barbara Kayton
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. 🤯. Should’ve said it……

    Shiny Pants
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Rule of thumb: Use ‘fewer’ with objects that can be counted. Like days and people, and items in your basket (looking at you Tesco). ‘Fewer people might get this wrong’. Use ‘less’ when referring to things that can’t be individually counted. Such as, ‘feeling less confused about this grammar issue’. "

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfortunately because it's him, it's not annoying.

    View more comments
    #27

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    hilariouswifey Report

    Ga Di
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yo, kids, mom and I have to tell you that you were adopted - SO GET PACKING YOUR SHÜT, your new parents are here in 5 minutes

    ADVERTISEMENT

    So, once that is out of the way, you can really focus on keeping your New Year’s resolutions: make them realistic and attainable by taking baby steps rather than leaps; try to internalize resolutions to a degree where it becomes a routine as it becomes easier to keep up; don’t be afraid to experiment and change things if it isn’t working—so long as you keep it up; celebrate small victories as it goes a long way and keeps you focused. There are more, but you get the idea, but pace yourself first.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #28

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    mrnicklevine Report

    CurlyCucumber
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well,then the dentist is not your friend. Or depilation. Or cleaning. Or kids. As a matter of fact,half of ones life.

    Chonky_not_stonky
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's rich. She can afford maids, nannies, and doctors that give you the good laughing gas.

    Load More Replies...
    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 13yo son, in a nutshell. "Dad, I'm bored" 2 hours after opening Christmas presents.

    Natty Tempest
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, working for a meagre wage so you don't starve, or lose your home. This is a catch 22 situation here.

    Larry XK
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Extremely selfish and egotistical statement

    #29

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    lilmonix3 Report

    Lemme get the lemons
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well you are Monika, you probably can, just delete your problems

    Isaac Harvey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *types out siblings’ names* *deletes siblings’ names*

    Load More Replies...
    #1 Candevil Fan
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with cryingchildkinnie, this is a Monika role play account

    CryingChildKinnie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Y'all is this a Monika roleplay account this is perfectly in character.

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s literally how you can achieve your dreams. Pretending you are that person. The power of suggestion will take over.

    #30

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    boohoo Report

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    New Year’s Day doesn’t count because most people drink a lot the night before

    Isaac Harvey
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents went to a New Year’s party, and one of my siblings picked them up. I had work the next day, but I was told that they puked not long after they got home. I had to leave the car windows slightly open while I was at work.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda

    So, what are some of your New Year’s resolutions for this year? How will you approach them? Or why don’t you have resolutions? Share your takes and stories in the comment section below!

    And if your resolution is to scroll through more Bored Panda content—very commendable—then there’s definitely more memes and posts about New Year’s resolutions.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #33

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    RexHuppke Report

    Hphizzle
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t forget to ask them if they would like to be their own boss and have their own business from home!

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was either that or become a vegetarian ...

    Bored something
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why stop at vegetarian? Go for vegan, then as the years pass you can go up levels.

    Load More Replies...
    #35

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    mxmtoon Report

    JM
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    too late - don’t our bodies start decaying at 23 or something like that?

    Natty Tempest
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm an over-achiever... I started at 7, but just with the knees...

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #36

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    PrimeVideo Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #37

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    DarlaTheDarling Report

    Lemme get the lemons
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get more friends... in bed. Yes this is not the best idea

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought that was just for Fortune Cookies?

    Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, there's no "in bed" police that are going to stop you. You can add it to whatever you want......in bed.

    Load More Replies...
    Makenzie McNeal
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have my crush juliet visit me...in bed.

    CryingChildKinnie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Convince my parents to let me get fnaf sister location in bed

    #38

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    sixfootcandy Report

    Papa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seeing the user name above reminds me of my cousin, who when asked how tall she is, replies 5'12"

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #40

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    _jxnm Report

    JM
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oh, the irony of this post

    Regina Holt
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hmmm, now tell me why you would say such a thing? I wanna know

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #41

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    rae_ventura Report

    Helena
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Solved it. I got 5 of those 3 drawer steralite drawer things on wheels, they fit in the closet, I use them as mobile dressers. So when the dryer is done, I wheel one out, put the clothes in the drawer (don't bother folding most of it, most of it doesn't need it) and wheel it back. Anything that needs hung just goes ina basket on top of it and gets hung up as the drawer thing goes into the closet.

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s a good one because your clothes get wrinkly if they stay in the dryer

    Ian Webling
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My New Year's resolution is not to wash any dishes. If I succeed, it will be for the thirty-fourth consecutive year.

    #42

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    JacobWhitesides Report

    Hello_my_name_is_Genevieve
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner and supper.

    Trillian
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Breakfast, midmorning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner. Doesn't everyone?

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I try but sometimes I forget and end up eating too big of a dinner

    Load More Replies...
    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Break your meals down into smaller meals

    #43

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    holy_schnitt Report

    CryingChildKinnie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me when someone has a slightly different tone of voice when talking to me.

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It all starts in the mind!

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #44

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    TUSK81 Report

    Julie S
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow you make it all the way to march before giving up. Kudos

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s why you don’t do self-care as a New Year’s resolution. It’s just a lifestyle choice, you can make it anytime.

    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who's your best friend? PIZZA?!?!?!

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #45

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    HenpeckedHal Report

    Regina Holt
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    wasting no time on the henpecking

    #46

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    wengelll Report

    MP
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol I always think that about stuff I want. “Hope I don’t die first!”

    #47

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    stxxboy2 Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #48

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    ur_local_lorna Report

    SarDemMin
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Starting a sleeve next week! I had same resolution

    not your average weirdo
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am personally making plans to get the most ridiculous tattoos once I’m old enough. My dad, who has a tater tot tattoo, approves

    Bored something
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like this one. I am part way through a sleeve and want to finish it.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #49

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    notahotpotato Report

    #50

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    Mrs_JParker Report

    CryingChildKinnie
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to so my parents don't find out that I like a physolgical horror game about mental illness.

    #51

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    AwkwardAndOdd Report

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good luck. Maybe it's just me, but I have found crazy ALWAYS finds a way to shine through. Untreated, it's persistent like that.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #52

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    theofficetv Report

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Purple generally gets my attention

    Jeff White
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your beautiful handwriting has caught my attention. Well done.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #53

    Funny-New-Years-Resolutions

    LaylaAlstro2434 Report