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Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding somebody who's perfect. It's about finding somebody who's perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it's important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!
From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn't need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don't forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!
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#1
My Wife Didn't Appreciate My Fridge Magnet Poem
RELATED:
#2
Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"
#3
For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room
#4
My Husband Sure Knows How To Make A Pregnant, Bloated Girl Feel Special On Her Birthday
John L 8 years ago
You may not appreciate this now, but later on you'll cherish his thoughtfulness. Hugs-and-k...051928.gif 
#5
My Hubbys Reaction When He Tasted That I Added Whiskey To His Coffee
#6
Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed
#7
Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)
#8
My Wife Has Been Trying Anything To Remind Me To Bring My Lunch To Work
#9
Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper
#10
I Wore This Custom Shirt During My Wife's Labor. Wife Was Not Amused
#11
After Working An 18 Hour Day, I Came Home To Find This Note Left By My Wife In The Bathroom
#12
Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused
#13
What I Love About My Parents Is That After 41 Years Of Marriage, They Still Know How To Embarrass Their Kids
#14
My Pregnant Wife Sent This To Me At 2:12am This Morning. I'm Going To Guess That My Snoring Was Quite Bad Last Night
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
So..I assume Huichol Indians women only had one pregnancy...(with the same companion )^^
#15
When You Ask Your Husband To Pack Your Lunch
Bunnies are better!! 8 years ago
the way the apples and banana are laid out is too much for me to handle
#16
I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened
#17
We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard
#18
My Wife And I Accidentally Got Each Other The Same Gift For Our Second Anniversary
#19
Marriage Milestone
#20
My Wife Said I Could Decorate The Guest Bathroom As My Own. Multiple Screams Have Ensued
#21
My Wife Includes Little Notes In My Lunch When She Packs It. I've Been Saving Them In My Desk
#22
Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong
#23
My Wife And I Do Not Lead A Very Exciting Life
#24
Caught My Husband Red Handed... Thought He Was Working Out
#25
Year No. 4 At My Wife's Family Reunion
#26
Whenever I Asked My Husband What He Wanted For Dinner He Always Answered, "Bacon-Wrapped Shrimp And Asparagus With Hollandaise Sauce" Just To F*ck With Me. Today I Served Him This
#27
My Wife Said This License Plate Made Her Think Of Me
#28
Never Have I Been So Mad At My Wife Before
#29
Marriage Is About Sharing (Almost) Everything
#30
Trying To Sent Subtle Hints To My Wife Last Night
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
Do you see a bear in the middle climbing a rock or is it just me? ^^
#31
When My Husband Shops Online For Me
#32
My Husband Is An Asshole
#33
I Love Making Cookies With My Wife
John L 8 years ago
What's that old saying............"Flattery will get you Everywhere". Hugs-and-k...4de895.gif 
#34
My Husband Didn't Want A Birthday Cake
#35
My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live
#36
This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone
#37
My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response
#38
Marriage Status
#39
I Came Home To This Last Night. I Married The Right Woman
#40
My Wife Hates Comic Book Movies. Thanks Universal
#41
The "My Wife/Girlfriend Made Me Go To The Mall" Support Group Is Underway
Susan Gardner 8 years ago
I don't understand why they even go if they are not going to spend time together, but whatevs
#42
My Husband Got Tired Of Wine Stains Everywhere So He Got Me A Sippy Wine Cup
#43
I'm Starting A Fight With My Wife
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
Well if that's the meal you will offer to your wife I totally understand why she'll fight :)
#44
Marry Your Best Friend
#45
My Wife's New Hand Towel
#46
I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon
#47
Asked My Husband To (Hand) Whip Some Heavy Cream. Hear Strange Noises And Walk In On This
#48
My Wife Wanted To Make Sure That Someone Took A Picture Of The Expression On Our Faces When Our Daughter Was Born Today. So I Took One
Jeremie Guerra 8 years ago
I can affirme that this couple have nothing related to Huichol Indians :D
#49
I Have My Reasons For Making My Wife Use Her Own Tube
#50
Was Wondering Why My Wife Was Giggling When She Asked Me To Change The Air Filters
#51
My Husband Always Leaves Me Notes When He Has To Leave Town For Work
#52
My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink
#54
My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning
#55
Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift
#56
My Wife Asked For A Coach Bag For Her Birthday. Let's Just Say She's Pretty Happy Today
#57
My Wife And I "Share" A Cabinet In The Bathroom
#58
Bedroom Is Really Sunny In The Morning. Found Husband Sleeping Like This
#59
Clear Communication Is The Key To A Successful Marriage
#60
My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife
John L 8 years ago
Is this a hint for a special sex toy to be added to the game? 029-594287...3e08ca.gif 
#61
I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep
#62
Wife Left A Note In My Lunch
#63
Picking A Fight With My Wife
#64
I Was Complaining About My Recent Cold So My Wife Made Me A Cake To Help Me "Feel Better"
John L 8 years ago
Wait one Minute! ALL Men are babies when they are sick. This is your opportunity to get "one up" on him on a continual basis. Obviously you are a newlywed, right? aww-594283...e08747.gif 
#65
Wife Is Out, Packing My Own Lunch This Week
#66
I Might Have To Kill My Husband
#67
I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
1) Remove all clothing. 2) Rehang regularly used items. 3) Store seasonal/special occasion. 4) Donate the rest--you'll make someone's day.
#68
Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter
#69
Tried To Put A Heart In My Husband's Pancake. Made A Ballsack Instead
#70
Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me
#71
Thanks To Our Toaster Oven We Now Have Matching Husband And Wife Scars For Life
#72
After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He's Finally Had It
#73
Left This Note For My Wife
Lisa-Marie Dhondt 8 years ago
......as he looks down, he realises the blood...is his! As his wife turns on her heel, eating her choc chip cookies and carrying his liver.
#74
Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen
#75
Prefect Description
#76
My Wife Wanted Her Sandwich Cut In Half. She Was Non-Specific As To How
#77
My Wife Made Me A Passive Aggressive Flow Chart To Use Every Time I Get Hungry
Helping Panda 8 years ago
This isn't very well thought out. Even if we ignore the obvious problem that this can only end in "don't eat", why does it matter how many pots and pans he uses if he cleans up after himself?
#78
My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me
#79
My Husband Told Me That He Bought Me A Diamond Necklace
#80
My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don't Own Any Shot Glasses
#81
My Wife Awards 'Cat Of The Month' In Our House. But We Have Only One Cat
#82
Sent My Husband To Buy A Baby Shower Gift Bag. Dammit
#83
My Husband Added A Task To My Prethanksgiving Checklist
#84
My Wife And I Visit IKEA Again And I Try To Figure Out Why
#85
When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today's Search Went Pretty Well
#86
Called My Wife A Sandwich Maker
#87
After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents' Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine's Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together
#88
I'm 3 Months Pregnant With Our First Child, And Today My Husband Bought This Book 'to Get Some Tips'
#89
Wife Said She Packed A "Special Treat" In My Lunch Today
#90
They Tied The Knot. Literally
#91
Learning How To Crochet, Husband Is Now Kept Warm
#92
My Wife Thinks I'm Stupid Too
#93
My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star
#94
Wife Sent Me To Get Milk
#95
My Wife Bought Me Monogram Pajamas For Xmas
#96
After Almost 6 Years Of Marriage, This Is My Favorite Way To Give My Wife A Hard Time
#97
Well, My Marriage Was Nice While It Lasted
#98
I Asked My Husband To Put Away The Leftovers
John L 8 years ago
He still has an awful lot to learn, but at least he is trying. With a little more help, he will turn out to be a real winner. cheesywink...fcb784.gif 
#99
Anyone Know A Good Divorce Lawyer? I Just Saw My Wife Eat A Kitkat
#100
Today Is The 6 Wk "Point" After My C-Section... Here's How My Husband Brought Me Breakfast This Morning
Brandi Dickerson 8 years ago
Makes me wonder if she sent it back with the sausage cut in half...Because that's what I would have done if that had been done to me... :-)
#101
Someone... Please
#102
This Was The Card I Got My Husband For Our Anniversary. What Can I Say? I'm Sentimental
#103
My Husband Cleaned The Kitchen. I Think He Wants A Reward
#104
Asked My Wife To Get More Magnets For The Fridge With No Restrictions On What Kind
#105
He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)
Final score:
46points
#106
My Husband Travels For Work. He Gave Me This So I Am Never Really Alone
#107
My Husband And I Have Different Ideas Of What Love Is
#108
My Husband Was “Too Tired” To Change The Babies Pooped Diaper While I Pumped… I Sent Him This Photo, He Didn’t See It Until The Morning. Diaper Was There For About 1 Hour
Final score:
42points
#109
What Happens When I Send My Husband To The Store And There's An Ice Cream Sale
Blue Cicada 8 years ago
1) that's the good stuff, so u gotta buy it when the $ is right. 2) the storage method needs much improvement.
#110
Saw This On My Friend's Facebook With The Title, "When Your Husband Puts The Groceries Away..."
#111
The Wife Said I Could Do Whatever I Wanted To The Guest Bathroom
#112
After 22 Years Of Marriage This Is How We Communicate With Each Other
#113
So My Wife Is Going Away For A Few Months. This Is How She Left Our Bed This Morning
#115
First My Wife Said The Walls Were Too Bare, And Now They Are Too Bear
#116
My Southern Husband Objects To The Soda I Bought
#117
My Wife Hates Greek Yogurt
Brandi Dickerson 8 years ago
That's grounds for divorce...You cannot hide the cookie dough and still expect to get nookie.
#118
There Comes A Time In A Married Man’s Life Where He Has To Ask Himself The Question: Do I Get My Wife The Exact Halloween Costume She Asked For Or The Slutty Version And Deal With The Consequences?
#119
My Husband And I Just Pissed Off Both Of Our Families
#120
Marriage Means Creative Ways Of Saying "Stop Doing That"
#121
My Wife Asked Me If I Wanted Half Her Twix. She Thinks This Is A Game
#122
Asked My Husband To Do Laundry
#123
I Asked My Husband To Take A Photo Of Me Using The Jackhammer. After 14 Years Of Marriage He Still Has His Priorities
#124
Couldn't Afford To Get My Wife A Lexus For Christmas So I Got One Of Their Bows Instead And Put It On Her Car
#125
I Asked My Husband To Iron My Pants And He Gave Me The 1980's Creases
#126
My Friends Husband Thought He Could Microwave His Shirt To Dry It Faster
#127
The Note My Husband Left Me That I Woke Up To
Kieron Behan 8 years ago
And that was the day she lost her job for going to work without clothes.
#128
My Wife Was Not Impressed With Her Birthday Gift
#129
Why I Keep A Secret Tube Of Toothpaste From My Wife And Children
Dhanya Munro 8 years ago
There is one more guy here who suffers exactly like you. He hides his toothpaste too!
#131
My Wife Says I Don't Understand Breakfast In Bed
therealpixie 8 years ago
God, that looks good! You could fix me breakfast in bed like that, and I'd wake up smiling.
#132
Came Downstairs And My Wife Gives Me These This Morning. Uh... Thanks Honey
John L 8 years ago
This is the perfect gift, especially for the fellow who slices off-center portions from the middle of the cake, like that A*****e above. banghead-5...961d13.gif 
#133
So My Friend Asked Her Husband To Wrap At Least One Shirt, This Is What She Got
#134
Husband Did The Laundry
#135
Wife Asked Me To Pressure Wash And Get A Welcome Mat. Nailed It
#136
How You Can Tell My Wife Is Working Tonight
Andrea Seiden Giroux 8 years ago
my husband also buys himself dinosaur chicken nuggets and taquitos. lol
#137
Wife Is Leaving For A Week. Pretty Much Confirming She Thinks I Have Alzheimer's
E Menendez 8 years ago
This is really thoughtful. Particularly if she normally does all the food prep.
#138
Wife And Teen Daughters Said Vacuum Wasn't Working, Checked Roller Brush
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
Oh man this is the worst! My kids would never check under there either and I was always the one to save the poor vac!
#139
Guess I'm Still Getting Used To This Whole Marriage Thing
#140
As A Husband, I Decided To Make The Bed Properly
#141
In 5 Years Of The Relationship She Has Never Asked Me To Hold Her Purse. Within One Hour Of Picking Up The Marriage License
#142
Wife Wanted To Be "That House", I Say She Went Overboard
#143
Marriage Is About Compromise
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
I'm with him - rather be gaming. Of course I'm assuming he's gaming and she's Netflixing.
#144
My Husband Is A Jerk... Yes Every Cookie Has A Bite Mark In It
Neurotic_Octopus 8 years ago
I've done this to family members. My mom just sighs and looks at me while I giggle. :p
#145
Found Stacked Like This In The Garage To Be Sold/Donated. Married 12 Years With A 6 & 7 Year Old. Starting From The Bottom... The Stages Of Marriage
#146
Wife Said "Lets Renovate The Bathroom, We Both Need More Shelf Space."
#148
After 3 Years Of Marriage, The Fight Rages On
#150
Instructions To Husband
John L 8 years ago
Either she's obsessive beyond belief, or you are a True Dunce. spiteful-5...56dba3.gif 
#151
My Husband Told Me There Was An Early Xmas Present Under The Tree. This Is Pretty Perfect
#152
Coz It Would Have Been Like Climbing Everest To Go The Last Few Inches... Can You Cite Lazy As A Reason For Divorce?
#153
My Wife Called To Say She Picked Up 50 Shades Of Grey... This Was Not What I Was Expecting When I Got Home
#154
I Love To See That After Nearly 25 Years Of Marriage, My Father Still Knows How To Troll My Mother
#155
Placed My Husband’s Heavy Shoe On A Cockroach For Him To Find
Final score:
21points
#156
At Least He Tried
Jennifer Oldham 8 years ago
Anybody else wondering about the little door? I've never seed this - must be some kind of furnance access or something?
#157
My Husband Is Out Of Town For A Few Days... He Sent Me This Today. I Think He Misses Me
#158
Is This A Shower Bench Or A Shampoo Table? Our Marriage Depends On This
#159
After 14 Years Of Marriage This Is The Sexy Pic I Sent My Husband
#160
My Friend Made This For Her Husband
#161
A Mate Posted This To Facebook, Saying "The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Knowing How To Compromise"
#162
The Secret To A Successful Marriage (30+ Years) With A Shared Bathroom
#163
My Husband Is A Monster
#164
Out Of All The Advice Of Marriage, Nothing Prepared Me For This
#165
My Husband Smilingly Asked “Why Are There Vegetables In The “Beer Crisper”? So I Did This
Final score:
17points
#166
Great Dad! Awful Husband
#167
Keeping Marriage Fresh
#168
I Asked My Husband To Make A Grocery List... This Was On The Fridge This Morning
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What do you think ?
John L 8 years ago
This has got to be one of my favorite Posts in an awful long time. Its the perfect chance to have a good time and comment on life's many lessons learned. Thank you Šarūnė. Thanks-594...c6718b.gif 
Valentina 8 years ago
Truly nice of you to think about thanking the post author. Should happen more often. Thank you Šarūnė!
Load More Replies...
Sandra MacDonald 8 years ago
They don't have a tiled floor, and she asked him to clean half the floor...So he cleaned a few squares here and there, making some square parts clean and white and giving the illusion of having a tiled floor made up of different colors.
Load More Replies...
Caroline Gagne 8 years ago
Dont need to get marry ro have all this 😍 we got it for 10 awesome year ...
John L 8 years ago
This has got to be one of my favorite Posts in an awful long time. Its the perfect chance to have a good time and comment on life's many lessons learned. Thank you Šarūnė. Thanks-594...c6718b.gif
Valentina 8 years ago
Truly nice of you to think about thanking the post author. Should happen more often. Thank you Šarūnė!
Load More Replies... Sandra MacDonald 8 years ago
They don't have a tiled floor, and she asked him to clean half the floor...So he cleaned a few squares here and there, making some square parts clean and white and giving the illusion of having a tiled floor made up of different colors.
Load More Replies... Caroline Gagne 8 years ago
Dont need to get marry ro have all this 😍 we got it for 10 awesome year ...
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