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Finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding somebody who's perfect. It's about finding somebody who's perfect for you. Because as you can see from this hilarious list of marriage tweets compiled by Bored Panda, it's important for a healthy relationship to have a husband or wife who can handle all of your weird, annoying, and a downright unbearable sense of humor!
From the woman whose husband neglected gardening duties to buy the cat an inflatable unicorn horn, and hilarious marriage advice to the man whose wife forced him to go to IKEA despite the fact that they didn't need to buy anything, the collection of marriage jokes below is sure to make married life seem awesome. Don't forget to vote for the best pranks and funniest situations!
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#1
Asked My Wife Where My Eye Drops Were. She Responded "In The Bedroom On The Tv Stand Under The Lightswitch Slightly Trapped Between The Wall"
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#2
For The Past Two Years, Anything Sitting In Our Garage That The Wife Says We Can't Get Rid Of, I've Hung As "Art" In Our Otherwise Useless Front Room
#5
Wife And I Spend An Hour Trying To Get The Cat To Turn Off The Lights, So We Didn't Have To Get Out Of Bed
#6
Told The Wife The Floor Was Gross And Needed Cleaning. Told Her I Was Willing To Do It. She Said We Don't Need To. Clean Half She Said And Let's See The Difference... Mission Accomplished. (We Don't Have Tiled Floors)
#7
Marriage Is All About Compromise. For Example, I Didn't Really Want A Dog. My Wife Did. So We Compromised... And Here Is Our New Puppy Copper
#9
Whenever We Get Into A Heated Argument, My Wife Stops Mid Argument To Take A Selfie With Me, I'm Never Amused
#11
I Needed To Borrow My Wife's Phone... She Said Her Password Was Our Anniversary. I Gave The Phone Back And Said I Didn't Know What Happened
#12
We Were Looking Through Old Pictures Of Me When My Wife Started Laughing And Got The Dog's Flea Pills From The Cupboard
#14
Married For 62 Years, But My Grandpa Will Still Pull Out His Road Atlas To Prove My Grandma Wrong
#21
My Pregnant Wife Demanded I Go To The Store For Frozen Yogurt. I Was Temped To Play A Joke, But Wanted To Live
#22
This Is What Happens When My Wife Leaves On A Business Trip And I'm Home Alone. When She's Home Vs. When She's Gone
#23
My Husband Challenged Me To See If I Could Fit In My New Suitcase... I Sent Him This Response
#31
I'm A Super Nervous Flyer. My Wife Just Took This Pic Of Me At The Airport Restaurant, About To Board The Plane A Part Of Our Honeymoon
#36
My Husband Attempted To Help With The Laundry. I Don't Buy Pink Towels Because I Don't Like Pink
#38
My Husband Bet Me I Couldn't Shave His Foot Without Him Waking Up. This Is What He Woke Up To This Morning
#39
Wife And I Had A Big Fight Last Week - On Valentine's Day She Gave Me This Along With My Gift
#44
My Wife Bought A New Hairbrush With A Suction Cup At The End. I Found This On The Bathroom Mirror. I Love My Wife
#45
I Asked My Husband To Clean Our Room. This Triggered His Inner 5 Year Old And He Fell Asleep
#49
I Couldn't Find My Wife Until I Looked In Her Closet. I Said, "What Are You Doing?" She Says, "I Have Nothing To Wear"
#50
Sent My Husband To The Store For Milk And Kitty Litter. He Came Back With This. He's Now Back At The Store For The Milk And Litter
#51
Husband Told Me To Make Sure The Wine Didn't Break In The Back Of The Car On Vacation. Don't Judge Me
#53
After 20 Years Of Marriage, And My Mother Asking Every Morning How My Father Takes His Tea, He's Finally Had It
#54
Told My Husband Not To Eat The Ice Cream In The Freezer. Then I Saw This Shadow Form In The Kitchen
#57
My Wife Hates Rollercosters. After I Pitched A Fit About It, She Finally Picked One She Would Ride With Me
#59
My Husband And I Have Two Small Children And Just Came To The Realization That We Don't Own Any Shot Glasses
#62
When Chipotle Mails Free Burrito Coupons, My Husband And I Shamelessly Check The Mailbox Recycling Around Our Apartment For Discards. Today's Search Went Pretty Well
#64
After 60 Years Of Marriage, My Grandparents' Minds Have Melded. Either My Grandparents Both Scrambled To Buy The Only Valentine's Day Cards Cvs Still Had In Stock Today Or They Just Really Are Meant To Be Together
#68
My Brother And His Wife Got In A Fight Last Night. She Apparently Used His Phone As A Ninja Star
#78
He Was Trying To Argue With Me In The Car So I Whipped In This Spot And Said I Have Something To Tell You (I’m Not Actually But It Shut Him Up Quick)
Final score:
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#81
Saw This On My Friend's Facebook With The Title, "When Your Husband Puts The Groceries Away..."
#91
Couldn't Afford To Get My Wife A Lexus For Christmas So I Got One Of Their Bows Instead And Put It On Her Car
#106
In 5 Years Of The Relationship She Has Never Asked Me To Hold Her Purse. Within One Hour Of Picking Up The Marriage License
#115
Coz It Would Have Been Like Climbing Everest To Go The Last Few Inches... Can You Cite Lazy As A Reason For Divorce?
#116
I Love To See That After Nearly 25 Years Of Marriage, My Father Still Knows How To Troll My Mother
#121
A Mate Posted This To Facebook, Saying "The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Knowing How To Compromise"
#125
My Husband Smilingly Asked “Why Are There Vegetables In The “Beer Crisper”? So I Did This
Final score:
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