30 Tweets That Have No Business Being So Funny (August Edition)

Normalize adults getting treats when they do the hard things!

Oooh! Burn!

Especially true when it comes to bras.

THAT IS THE CUTEST TURTLE BUN I’VE EVER SEEN

Omg, yes. I hope that moment was worth it for him.

Now I can't unsee that

Not only is it stupid-its wrong-its incumbent on the provider to supply proof of delivery, not the other way around.

It’s obviously a snoov headed brimbrom, you uncultured potato chip.

Bookworm

Bookworm

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Kids are brutal

Yesterday my daughter told me that her dad is a d*ck..... and I honestly don't know where that came from.

But they can get in through the smallest hole you can imagine. So, be warned...

Aren’t we all? I think there was a couple of wrong neurons thrown in with the normal ones.

It’s a sign. ALL PANDAS ASSEMBLE AT THE PANDA PONDERING PARK

I don’t want Taco Bell!!! B̷̺͙̲̤̗͙̌ǔ̸̫͆͑̒͑ṫ̵̹̍́̿̽̕ ̷̗̭̮̟̺̪̝̺͖̓̄͑̌͑̀t̸̹͎͈̜͖̰̠̦̼̊͋͆͐̏̎̋͘͘͜ȟ̷̫̲̯͔e̵̪͇̪̺̓ ̴̨̛̜̹̞̝̦̩̬͂͗̿́̀̍p̸̭͙̉̾̓̐̈́́̏͒a̶̧̢̧̺̮͙̥̫̱͛͜r̷̛̠̂̉͂́͘ą̷̧͚̮̙̰̙͎̮́̉̒̎̉̀̅̒͋͜s̵̯̿́̈́͘̚í̶̩̟̱͋̈́t̸̳̓͂̒ͅé̶̡̨̬͕̺͖̭͖͚͒͗͌̊͂͝͝ṡ̵͔̥̾͒̓̊̕ ̸̼̰̚ï̴͓̲̖͙̣̠̻͉n̶̨̧̯͓̳̠̞̅͝ ̵̧̬̮̻̮͖̦̲̹̐̐͑̍̂̈́͑͜m̶̤̙͓̖̮͊̎̏̒̓̐͝e̷̡̧͍̤͕̝̥̯͉͂̍͆̐̈́̅̚ ̶͓̩̲͚̬̝͛ͅw̷̧̡͙̹̝͓̤͍̪̟̍̄̃̃̚̚ä̵̧̳̘͇͍̩́̊͂̇͐͋͆̎͘͘n̶͖͖̯̂͑ͅt̸̙̮̞͎̦̰͆ ̵̲͙̖̲̤̱͎̯̗̋̉̏͐̓̅̀̈́̕ͅt̶̠̘̪̰̅͛͒ḩ̷̦̤̭̲̼́̄ẹ̸͓̠̫̞͍̝̝̈́ͅͅ ̸̤̮̫͙̦̕T̷̛̼̘͓̜̯͖͓̮̗̍͂̍̍̚͜ȁ̶̟̖̝̜͎̓̆̈́͠c̴̯̈́͂̉̽̾̌͝o̴͔̖͌ ̷͇͓͍̥̇̍̐͐̽̾̍͜B̴̠͖̱͜͠ȇ̶̙͉͗̏͌́̄͘ļ̴̩̟̭̮͇͛͆͂̆̐̇́͘ͅl̴̠̫͈̰̱̟̮̤͚̝͑̆̕.̶̗̌̉̽

I learnt recently that Van Gogh probably cut his ear off due to madness brought on by lead used in paint. It was the reason why many artists succumbed to madness. It made me so sad for him.

Same in Europe. Does the chicken lives in a cage (I think this is already banned, isn't it?), on the ground with straw, outside, free-range....

*takes notes*

They renamed themselves Qody, Cuodi, Kodee, Quodyie or Bob.

“You mean that there’s another 12 YEARS of this??? Nah, I’m going to become a fish.”

A cybertruck is not a truck because no 2 year old boy would yell “TRUCK!!!!” as it goes past. I rest my case.

Not only have they been sold for not quite a year yet, they've also been recalled four times since their release, lmao. Honestly, I have no idea why anyone would want one.

Shame they are banned in the UK I would love Top Gear to have demolished one.

I ask folks if it's their truck. Yes? Then I ask WHY? lol

OMG, I saw a Tesla truck two days ago, and it was so ugly. It was dull, looked like it had no windows, since it all blended together and looked like a toddler drew a "truck" and it was built from that. Horrible looking.

The first time I saw one, my only thought was,'WHAT is that monstrosity?'

Love seeing those!

I actually did see one driving around the other day and all i could think was that they're even uglier in person than what I'd seen in photos

I hated the cybertruck vehemently until my ASD son told me they're designed after the DeLorean, his favorite car. I see it now and I hate it slightly less.

My granddaughter and I couldn't believe how many people in our town bought this hideous thing and then we realized it was just one. One idiot who spent a 100K (yes, I know they aren't that much...this is a sarcasm post) on something so obnoxious that they now have to drive from one end of Vegas to the other, back and forth, just so people can see how stupid he was.

I often wonder if Elon Musk watched the same shows as I did as a kid, because I remember a Saturday Morning show from the late 70's about a group of scientists traveling around a post apocalyptic wasteland in order to preserve the knowledge of mankind. Can't remember the name of the show, but their vehicle looked an awful lot like a Cybertruck.

We call out 'cyber truck' when we see one just to mock it. It's basically a refrigerator on wheels.

Well, at least it was a consideret uninvited guest.

Spelled 'ome wrong.

I see a wiener, I upvote...

Also of the few billionaires who should be spared the Guillotine. He replaced Illinois' regressive flat tax with a tax that shifts the burden toward the wealthy. He pushed through a tax law that makes HIM pay more in taxes. We need more like him.

Weirdly this works equally well in Fahrenheit or Celsius

TBH his acting is better than his music. Anyone else remember Markey Mark and the Funky Bunch? They weren't very good.

Well, at least he put it the correct way. OVER IS SUPERIOR.

The toddlers of the skin world.

Doesn't help when your personality sucks too

Bookworm

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Here; he was the big sponsor at a conference https://www.ajc.com/news/business/why-steve-harveys-face-was-seen-glowing-over-atlanta/J2DOFU64JVBF5NMUIKEQTRNJJQ/#:~:text=No%2C%20it%20was%20Steve%20Harvey,lit%20up%20Atlanta%20this%20weekend.&text=On%20Saturday%20night%2C%20Steve%20Harvey's,helicopters%20whizzing%20through%20the%20sky.

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I couldn't spell that on the fly, either

* Sound of a whale splashing back in the ocean.*

When I was still drinking, I got pissed if I threw up because in my mind it was a waste of alcohol.

Ahhh Spintire. I know that one.

Smart kid.

This. This is why I have anxiety.

YAYYYYYY!!!

OH MAN! I thought I was the only one! I love that chonky industrial aesthetic. That's what real machines should look like. Everything now is all touch screens but I love real buttons and dials. It's like having actual knobs and levers to control the AC in your car vs. a touchscreen. I can work one of them without taking my eyes off the road.

Let me make sure I understand correctly. You went to a bank and talked to somebody, so they were open and you were inside. Then you went outside in order to talk to a teller that was inside. Is that correct?

?