50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share
Interview With Expert
One of the best things about childhood is its sheer randomness. Yet uncorrupted by society and its rules, kids can get away with doing most things, including saying anything that comes to their mind. Lucky for us, this often results in funny and unexpected sentences that are just too good not to share.
Recently, adults in this online thread were doing exactly that—posting the most hilarious and weirdest things a child has said to them. Fancy a laugh? All you have to do is scroll down and giggle at the #nofilter wisdom these kids shared with grown people.
While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with the person who started this discussion and child psychologists Dr. Annie McNeill, Dr. Sophie Pierce, and Stephanie Nova Fields, Ph.D., who kindly agreed to answer why kids often blurt out such comedic things.
Image credits: SolidUltra
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Not me but my mom who used to teach younger children once had a kid tell her that the kids mom actually had a p*nis too, just like dads do. My mom reacted with scepticism and then the kid blurted out ”No she really does, I’ve seen it myself in her bedroom drawer”.
It wasn't to me, but to my brother in law. He was driving in his truck with his toddler daughter safely belted into her car seat. To keep her amused during the drive he was asking her what noises different animals make.
"What does a cow say?"
"Moo"
"What does a pig say?"
"Oink, oink!"
Then he decided to mess with her and asks "What does a turtle say?"
She was silent for a moment as she thought about it, then busted out in a big smile and said "Kowabunga dude!".
When my daughter was about 3, she thought all turtles/tortoises made loud grunting noises to "speak" because the first time she saw a tortoise at the zoo, it was trying to mate with the other tortoise lol. (These were the giant size tortoises)
Was studying for a math exam in college and some family friends brought their little kid for dinner. Little guy found his way in my room, said he's good at math and asked if he could help. "Eh I don't know, how do you draw the energy plot of a square signal?", and this kid, confidently amd without missing a beat, "With a pencil".
This whole post is just what i needed this morning. ❤️❤️❤️
The person, nicknamed SolidUltra, who started this discussion in the first place shares with Bored Panda that their question was inspired by a little stranger who unexpectedly told them that his father eats his mom every night. “The kid's innocent tone and the funny reaction from his mom were so funny that I almost died from laughing,” they said.
We were further curious to know if they have a memory of their own where they have said something surprisingly amusing as a kid and it has become a recurring joke in their family.
They said, “I had my moment as well when I was a child. When I was about 6 years old, I visited my aunt and said, "What is wrong with your butt?" because I wasn't used to seeing such a form of the body, I was worried about her, and I didn't mean to offend her.
Even though I am now 24 years old, she is still mad at me, and I am her worst relative, even though I am so kind. I have apologized for sure, but I guess I've hit her weakness. It is so silly, but my mother keeps laughing at that moment every time someone recalls it.”
They believe that adults find kids saying random things funny because they are still innocent. “They are unaware of the sensitivity of what they say. Their innocence makes the moment more precious and unforgettable for me.”
My stepdaughter was about 5/6 when I got pregnant with her half brother, I was getting dressed one morning and she looked at the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month along belly and asked 'why did the baby write all over your tummy'? Still one of my most precious memories of when she was little!
My son, at 9yo told me I couldn't give him almonds in his lunchbox because it was No Nut November.
Reminds me of when my mom was looking at baby photos of me, and there was a picture of her and tiny me on her lap. i asked where my younger brother was, since he wasn't in the photo, and she responded with "he's in mommy's tummy." this was the first time my conscious mind had been introduced to the concept of pregnancy, as my response was a wide-eyed glare followed by "YOU ATE HIM???"
To learn more about why children often blurt such comedic sentences, we reached out to clinical psychologists Dr. Annie McNeill and Dr. Sophie Pierce from Feeling Stable and child psychologist Stephanie Nova Fields, Ph.D.
Fields explains, “Kids between 3 and 6 often say funny things, mostly unintentionally. At these ages, they are learning about the world and about language at a rapid pace. Their minds work hard to make sense of the world and to put things together. Their funny comments come about when they don’t get it quite right.”
She also adds, “They are at a concrete stage of thinking in which they understand things at face value and don’t get some of the underlying subtleties. This can also make for some funny comments and behaviors.”
I told a little girl one time that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She busted out crying and said, "But these are the only feet I've got!".
I worked at a day care for a bit and they said funny s**t all the time.. one of my favorites was when we were going over fire safety and the main teacher asked the class.. what do you do if you’re on fire? A 3y/o girl shoots her hand up in the air and yells “STOP DROP AND ROCK N ROLL!!!”.
When I was deployed to Afghanistan we got a package from a bunch of elementary school kids. They sent cards, candy, and snacks. On one of the cards was a drawing of a graphic firefight with a bunch of dead soldiers. The only thing the card said was I hope you don't die. It made everyone laugh and we hung it up in our room lol.
One time we TRIED to do a pen pal exchange for french class and the teacher was checking our work like, "Good, very cute, sweet," then suddenly her face darkened and she said, "Where did you learn that word?" To this one student who had a total sh!t eating grin on.
Isn't this just one honest and empathetic kid? I don't quite understand what's morbid about addressing the existing possibility of soldiers being killed in action, and then saying the most obvious thing: I hope you don't die.
Girl Scout troop sent me a coloring page that was a lady soldier putting on makeup when I was in Iraq. Where did they find that? I really wish I would have kept one. Cookies were wonderful.
Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce additionally mention that this is often a result of a lack of filter. “If they have a thought, you can bet they’re going to say it out loud. Part of what makes statements so funny and unexpected from children, unlike adults, is that they haven’t yet developed impulse control or the skills to filter their thoughts! Also, more than anything else, children want to make their adults happy, and they sometimes do this through funny behaviors or sayings so they can feel delighted.”
However, they aren’t usually aware that they’re being funny until someone laughs at them. Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce explain, “Children are always looking to others to make sense of who they are and the world around them. They pay attention to reactions and can feel the types of responses they are eliciting from others.
So, while they may not always know that their responses are funny per se, they can certainly feel and enjoy the reactions they are getting! Children who enjoy this type of attention will continue to engage in behaviors that get the same reaction or laugh from those around them.”
My kid farted and said “there’s a duck in my butt” she was 3 at the time … I lost it.
I walked into the living room and my 5-year-old son was sitting on the couch in a shirt and underwear only. I asked him why he was sitting there like that and he says:
"I changed my mind about pants.".
I was working as a cashier and a couple came to my till with their young son (maybe like 5 years old or so). I go to give them their receipt and tell them to have a good day. The kid responded to this with "Thanks Baby, I love you!".
Even if they aren’t aware of it, saying something out-of-pocket helps children move forward with their development. “A crucial part of building a child’s self-esteem and sense of self is having others, especially adults, find joy in them. When children get positive attention from adults, such as laughter, it communicates to the child that they have a positive impact and that others enjoy who they are.
Additionally, allowing a child to say something out-of-pocket and funny helps support them in finding their voice, learning how to express themselves, and connecting to others,” Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce tell us.
Fields concludes by saying, “These comments give us a glimpse of how children work to understand their world. I find it to be both charming and interesting. It is one of the things that makes this age so much fun for adults.”
One of the funniest things one of my children said to me is that scorpions are desert lobsters and I don't think she is wrong 😂.
My then-4 yr old was wearing a Darth Vader t shirt that said "VADER" across the image of the dude, where the little triangle of the "A" was lined up to the triangle on Vaders mask. Pretty cool right?
Conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little guy replied "Thanks! And hey look. The A-hole is his mouth!!" 💀 I think uncles soul left his body. Kid had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard.
I used to teach English in China.
One day, I was collecting homework from my 11-year-olds, and out of nowhere, the quietest, most reserved girl in the class pulls her homework out from behind her back, shoves it in my face, and exclaims, "SURPRISE, M**********R!"
The inflection was EXACTLY the same as the meme from Dexter.
I had to hold back my laughter so hard because it was in the middle of class, but the second the students left the classroom, I couldn't contain myself. I was nearly in tears.
It's always great when the quietest student does something so boisterous.
I once overheard a kid trying to convince his friend that he had superpowers. When his friend asked what they were, he confidently replied, "I can make all the traffic lights turn green... eventually." It was a charming mix of innocence and creativity!
Helping my grandmother go grocery shopping with my much younger cousins. Took one up to the bathroom while she grabbed a few more things. As we were walking back to her, he, very loudly, says "look! It's grandmas special juice!". While pointing at the wine aisle.
I used to drink diet coke for breakfast (I know it's disgusting but whatever). It's a silver can. Leaving a convenience store/gas station my daughter points to a case of beer (I think it was miller lite?) with silver cans and says at the top of her lungs, Momma! Look! They have your breakfast!
I heard a little girl once say that she was mad at her dad because he had bigger breasts then she does! I was dying lmao.
I returned to skateboarding after 30 years away. I was at a local skate park and ate s**t. While I was on my back checking my internal systems to determine if anything was broken or bleeding, a young kid rolls up and says, “Damn, are you ok grandpa?!” 🤨😆.
Me at the playground with my son. Little kid comes up to play with us.
Me: What's your name?
Kid: A*****e
Me: Whaaaaat is your name?
Kid: A*****e
Me: Your name is... A*****e?
Kid's mom overhearing us: His name is "Axel". We didn't really think about it.
(Talking s**t is our love language, no feelings were hurt)
Not to me, but my daughters were bickering and my youngest says "at least I wasn't an accident!" and her sister didn't miss a beat and shot back "no, you were a mistake". I laughed so damn hard.
When I was a kid I was watching my dog doing dog things and I said to my mom, “I wish I was a dog.”
“Why is that, sweetie?”
“So I could see what my nuts taste like.”.
Once when i was a kid, i asked my grandma if she remembers how dinosaurs looked like 💀.
When I was little, I apparently asked my father if they said 'thee' and 'thou' when he was a kid.
I worked at a summer camp where, on a cold and blustery day, a boy at the swim pond loudly and repeatedly cried, “I’VE LOST MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!”
We evacuated the swim pond and started the process for an all-hands pond search. It was at this point that one of the lifeguards noticed the kid’s hands frantically cupping his swim shorts: this was his first time experiencing shrinkage.
My godson asked me to tell a "mad story". I said I bought a different brand of yogurt and I couldn't get the cover off, and that made me mad. He asked "Could you get help from an adult?".
I used to give my kid a five dollar bill to tip the pizza guys. He loved it, it made him feel like a big kid. Once, when he was about four, I gave him a fiver and he leaned in real close and said "if you give me fifty bucks, I'll k*ll Superman".
My niece asked me if she can have a piece of skin from the cadavers I work with so she can give it to her boyfriend for Valentine’s Day this year.
They’re 8.
Not to me, but friend's daughter to him, her dad: "Daddy? Does mommy know you're my daddy?"
I worked at a movie theatre that recently was getting s**t on because of new people in the company making poor decisions. I had been planning to leave for a while, and on one of the rougher days, I was helping a mom and her two kids. The youngest daughter, I'd say was maybe 7-9, was waiting for her mom to finish ordering food, and then asked me, "do you hate your job?"
I almost broke laughing right in front of them, and I had to reassure to the mom that it wasn't exactly an out of place question. I hope that kid goes places.
I was walking into a store and there was a little boy around 7 standing just inside the door and when he saw me he turned to me and said with heartfelt anguish “She said she was only going to be 5 minutes!”.
My niece asked me why didn't I let my hair grow on the central side of my scalp ^^
She doesn't know about hair loss yet.
My older cousin was obsessed with Shrek. He got a toy microphone for Christmas one year, and was playing with it in the basement while the adults went upstairs for coffee, and all of a sudden they hear him singing Baby Got Back, which donkey sings at the end of Shrek. But my cousin, who couldn't have been more than 4 at the time, didn't know the words, so what he actually sang was "I like big butts and I cannot lie, and I like it with pumpkin pie.".
Our first grader daughter told us that she broke up with her crush.
She said," I dont have a crush on him anymore, he is so annoying. I want somebody who is serious,smart and who actually listens and makes a good team."
We asked her the details and told us, she was partnered with her crush during their class activity and they only got 1 point,because this particular boy was just so silly and not good in listening.
A kid has told me once "sir do you know that my dad eats my mom every night" his mom smacked his back and left without looking at me 😂.
A kid once told my mother’s coworker (a 60year old kindergarten teacher) “madame, even though you’re old and ugly I still love you”.
When I went to wake my son up to get ready for school, the very first thing he said to me was daddy my butt has a crack in it.
"Why do I have to listen to you, pointy neck?"-from a student at a program for developmentally delayed children. My ego and Adam's apple were never the same.
An adorable, four-year-old Trick Or Treater rang my doorbell. She looked like Cindy Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. As I was giving her a candy bar, she looked me squarely in the eye and said, 'My parents are getting back together again. I don't know what happened to my Dad's girlfriend. My mother hated her.'
I used to run a small tire shop in the middle of nowhere. We had this one pretty rough customer who would come in always looking for a handout (something on credit). Well she comes in one day with another sob story, and talking about how she knows my father (he owned the place, I just managed it), and how we should give her a tire today and let her pay for it later.
At this point, her son in the car, who can’t be any older than about 7 or 8, leans out the window and yells ‘You ain’t got credit nowhere, momma! That’s what the last guy said!’
Im doing my best to hold it together at this point, and I’m doing a much better job than my brother, who I can hear in the office behind me laughing his a*s off. I don’t know who this last guy was, but he was clearly wise beyond his years.
I worked as a nurse in a pre school. I was sitting on a bench and a 5 year old boy comes up to me and says "well, what’s this pretty little angels name".
I had a kid that couldn't be older than six ask to fight me while standing in line at the movies. I told him "no thanks," and that seemed to be an acceptable response.
Yesterday a kid said to me “you look like you suck at basketball”.
My kid is 4 and we were talking about space. In space, there are asteroids, planets, and black holes.
He misunderstood and confidently said "there are butts in space".
Briefly worked as a volunteer at a pre-school (ages 3-5) and I was sitting helping a couple of the kids put a puzzle together and one of them randomly said, “Can I rap for you?” I was surprised but thought how bad could it be? He then proceeded to rap while his buddy attempted to beatbox.
So one of my closest friends before we got really close and just got to know is each other we would face time and on day in face time she introduced me to her family and one day I visited my besties house and the first thing one of her little sisters says is “you look even uglier in person”.
There was something stuck in the headphone port of my phone, so I tried to suck it out, which worked. Some kid then asked me why I was trying to vape from my phone.
My kids were getting in the car when my daughter (7) elbowed my son (5) between the legs, conversation went as follows…
Son: ow my peanuts!
Me: your what?
Daughter: his peanuts
Me: what’s that?
Daughter: it’s another name for winky that I heard at school.
I didn’t correct them as it’s just too funny.
Years ago I had a goatee and moustache combo. My cousins 7 year old daughter told me that my mouth looked like a v*gina. At the time I was just "um, okay". Though now I find it a funny story.
why does bp censor things like vagina and penis? Its a part of life, not anything taboo or nasty.
A third grader said: “I hate friction!”(fractions).
I work in a school, so I hear amazingly ridiculous things every day, but the best one I’ve ever heard still goes to a girl called Vanessa in science when I was at high school.
The teacher was explaining the theory of the Big Bang. Vanessa’s hand shoots up to ask a question, the teacher says “yes?”
And Vanessa says staring at the ceiling in what looked like deep thought “so… is that what killed the dinosaurs?”.
Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
When I was much younger and in my full-on Goth phase, I was getting ready to go out one night, putting on my full Goth make-up (very pale foundation, black eye makeup and lipstick, etc.), and my young niece (probably about 6 years old) was standing with me, watching me get ready. So then she asks me if she can use some of my makeup, because...."I also want to look like a clown!"
A kid at my work (daycare) saw me driving, and asked where my ring was, since you apparently have to be married if you want to drive a car
Oh my (sigh) I hope you taught the kid something that day
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My nephew at about 4 used to ask for blackcurrant juice by saying "I want blackc#@t" my sister couldn't go anywhere without dreading him asking for a drink
When my son was about 4yo he went with his Uncle Howard into a public toilet. As they stood side by side at the urinal he looked across and said in a loud voice "Coo, Uncle Howard, haven't you got a small p***s?" And yes, there were several other men quietly waiting their turn.
Misheard song lyrics from a 5yo are hilarious. Obviously they don't understand everything they hear at that age, it's amazing the *mind flips they make to contextualise what they hear to make sense of it. Some songs I'll never be able to hear the same way again.
My daughter was 3 and I asked her to sit on the couch so her legs would be out of the way because I was going to vacuum. Her: You're gonna vac me!? Me: No, I'm going to vacuum. Her: Vac me? Me: VacuUMMM Her: Wjy you gonna vac me!? This went on for 15 minutes before she finally understood that I was going to vacuum, not vac her. :D
A month-ish ago- I asked my sister what a quiz she did in school was like. She said quizzical. Then I asked if quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?… she said testicle.
When my daughter was two, we were driving on the freeway and a guy cut me off. I honked and grumbled a bit. A sweet little voice from the back seat says "f******g idiot". I pulled over in the breakdown lane and asked her where she heard that. She replied "Didn't nobody told me that mama." Also two, I told her she was the apple of my eye. She said "Mama, you don't got apples in your eyes." One more. It was October and my two had apparently been learning the pledge of allegiance at daycare. I overheard her reciting it in the bathtub. She finished with "with liberty and witches for all!"
A friend of mine got in terrible trouble at Catholic school for beginning the Lord's prayer "Our father, who art in Heaven, how are you by the way?"
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Does anyone remember the TV show Kids Say the Darndest Things? With Bill f*****g Cosby as the host? Or was that just a fever dream I had one time?
If I remember correctly, Art Linkletter had a segment on a variety show with the same thing. Which just made me realize I'm freaking old - my mental image of it is in black and white...
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Our grandson was spending some time with my wife and I, and she left to go to Starbucks to get a drink. He got impatient, and asked me to check my phone to see how soon she'd be home. When the app first opens, before it locates the person's phone, it shows all of North America. He saw that and exclaimed (indignantly, I might add) "Papa, why are you looking at the whole world?"
"You write so bad you could be a doctor!" (My handwriting is indeed terrible).
My brother, 11 years old and definitely knew better. Our school would have a student lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance over the PA system. He did a good job until the very end when he said, "with liberty and justice-that's all".
when I was little, I used to think "Widget Stans" was a person
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I was driving, my sister was in the passenger seat and my 18 month old daughter was in her carseat in the back. This guy comes out of nowhere and swerves into my lane, causing me to swerve and hit the brakes HARD. This tiny little voice from the backseat says, "F*ckin' a$$hole". I side eyede my sister and said "Don't you DARE laugh". It was then I realized that my road rage needed to be reigned in.
My eldest was nearly two when my youngest was born. She couldn't pronounce "Erin" the way everyone else did, she said "Onion" instead for at least a year. when she was older, she referred to the backs of her knees as knee-pits. At about 5 yrs, she'd been asking about babies and asked how the baby got out of the tummy. My response was the baby gets pushed out by the belly muscles, a little like how you do a poo. Her response? "Don't be dickless, Mum"! Ahhh, fun times!
10 yr old having a melt down. Her grandmother asked if she was upset about anything in particular. Hands on hips, she looks at her grandmother and shouts "YES, IM HAVINGA FISSY HIT" her face as she realized what she said was priceless. I've never laughed so hard in my life
I once had an 8th grade student raise his hand in the middle of class and ask what foreplay was. I told him to ask his parents.
When I was much younger and in my full-on Goth phase, I was getting ready to go out one night, putting on my full Goth make-up (very pale foundation, black eye makeup and lipstick, etc.), and my young niece (probably about 6 years old) was standing with me, watching me get ready. So then she asks me if she can use some of my makeup, because...."I also want to look like a clown!"
A kid at my work (daycare) saw me driving, and asked where my ring was, since you apparently have to be married if you want to drive a car
Oh my (sigh) I hope you taught the kid something that day
Load More Replies... My nephew at about 4 used to ask for blackcurrant juice by saying "I want blackc#@t" my sister couldn't go anywhere without dreading him asking for a drink
When my son was about 4yo he went with his Uncle Howard into a public toilet. As they stood side by side at the urinal he looked across and said in a loud voice "Coo, Uncle Howard, haven't you got a small p***s?" And yes, there were several other men quietly waiting their turn.
Misheard song lyrics from a 5yo are hilarious. Obviously they don't understand everything they hear at that age, it's amazing the *mind flips they make to contextualise what they hear to make sense of it. Some songs I'll never be able to hear the same way again.
My daughter was 3 and I asked her to sit on the couch so her legs would be out of the way because I was going to vacuum. Her: You're gonna vac me!? Me: No, I'm going to vacuum. Her: Vac me? Me: VacuUMMM Her: Wjy you gonna vac me!? This went on for 15 minutes before she finally understood that I was going to vacuum, not vac her. :D
A month-ish ago- I asked my sister what a quiz she did in school was like. She said quizzical. Then I asked if quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?… she said testicle.
When my daughter was two, we were driving on the freeway and a guy cut me off. I honked and grumbled a bit. A sweet little voice from the back seat says "f******g idiot". I pulled over in the breakdown lane and asked her where she heard that. She replied "Didn't nobody told me that mama." Also two, I told her she was the apple of my eye. She said "Mama, you don't got apples in your eyes." One more. It was October and my two had apparently been learning the pledge of allegiance at daycare. I overheard her reciting it in the bathtub. She finished with "with liberty and witches for all!"
A friend of mine got in terrible trouble at Catholic school for beginning the Lord's prayer "Our father, who art in Heaven, how are you by the way?"
Load More Replies... Does anyone remember the TV show Kids Say the Darndest Things? With Bill f*****g Cosby as the host? Or was that just a fever dream I had one time?
If I remember correctly, Art Linkletter had a segment on a variety show with the same thing. Which just made me realize I'm freaking old - my mental image of it is in black and white...
Load More Replies... Our grandson was spending some time with my wife and I, and she left to go to Starbucks to get a drink. He got impatient, and asked me to check my phone to see how soon she'd be home. When the app first opens, before it locates the person's phone, it shows all of North America. He saw that and exclaimed (indignantly, I might add) "Papa, why are you looking at the whole world?"
"You write so bad you could be a doctor!" (My handwriting is indeed terrible).
My brother, 11 years old and definitely knew better. Our school would have a student lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance over the PA system. He did a good job until the very end when he said, "with liberty and justice-that's all".
when I was little, I used to think "Widget Stans" was a person
Load More Replies... I was driving, my sister was in the passenger seat and my 18 month old daughter was in her carseat in the back. This guy comes out of nowhere and swerves into my lane, causing me to swerve and hit the brakes HARD. This tiny little voice from the backseat says, "F*ckin' a$$hole". I side eyede my sister and said "Don't you DARE laugh". It was then I realized that my road rage needed to be reigned in.
My eldest was nearly two when my youngest was born. She couldn't pronounce "Erin" the way everyone else did, she said "Onion" instead for at least a year. when she was older, she referred to the backs of her knees as knee-pits. At about 5 yrs, she'd been asking about babies and asked how the baby got out of the tummy. My response was the baby gets pushed out by the belly muscles, a little like how you do a poo. Her response? "Don't be dickless, Mum"! Ahhh, fun times!
10 yr old having a melt down. Her grandmother asked if she was upset about anything in particular. Hands on hips, she looks at her grandmother and shouts "YES, IM HAVINGA FISSY HIT" her face as she realized what she said was priceless. I've never laughed so hard in my life
I once had an 8th grade student raise his hand in the middle of class and ask what foreplay was. I told him to ask his parents.
