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Woman Gets Publicly Called Out For Taking Credit For A Gift She Avoided Contributing To, Gets Upset
If you’re part of a friend group, chances are, you all pitch in for gifts and take care of the matter together. And while that in itself is a team effort, there’s usually one person who takes the reins and makes the purchase.
In her friend group, redditor u/MaxxxJac was said person, as she would usually collect the money from all of the people involved and buy the gift for the celebrant. The problem was, one person would always be difficult to get the reimbursement from, which eventually led to the OP publicly shaming her, after she took credit for a gift she didn’t even pitch in for.
RELATED:
People in friend groups often pitch in for gifts for their buddies on significant occasions
Image credits: micens/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
In this friend group, one person was constantly late with covering their share
Image credits: LightFieldStudios/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MaxxxJac
If repaid in a timely manner, small loans can make the lender feel good
Image credits: Pixabay/Pexels (not the actual photo)
You don’t have to be the person in the friend group collecting the money to know that it can be a rather difficult task to do. Taking your friends’ word for it and covering for them might not be a big deal, especially when the money is returned in a timely manner; however, if all friends started doing that and waited for months to pay one back, the organizer’s goodwill might leave them eating nothing but rice until the next pay day.
The possibility of scenarios such as the month-long rice diet might make one wonder, why would anyone want to show initiative and take matters into their own hands, in regards to buying gifts for the friend group? Well, while the answer is likely to be that they simply like to take initiative (or have the “If I want it done right, I have to do it myself” kind of mindset), they also get a slight rush of endorphins out of all of that.
Research suggests that if—and only if—the person on the receiving end is not exploiting the friendship and repays what they owe in a timely manner, small loans can make the person lending the money to a friend feel good. That’s because a short-term lending arrangement provides the lender with an opportunity to show care for a close friend and helps them meet the social expectations that are typically associated with fostering a friendship.
The receiver, on the other hand, does not typically have the same feeling, as, despite receiving the financial benefit, they place a burden on their friend; the borrower might link said burden with exploiting the friendship and hence feel uncomfortable about it. Though, the OP’s example clearly shows that the extent to which the person feels uncomfortable being indebted to a friend is not the same with each individual.
People spend large amounts of money on gifts each year
Image credits: Matej/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Whether or not covering for everyone (if they haven’t collected the money in advance) makes the organizer feel good, they might have to do it either way, if they want the gift giving to happen; and quite often, the burden of the entire operation—or the purchasing part, at least—falls on their shoulders alone.
While that can be annoying or frustrating at times, it might not be better if all in the group were equally as proactive, or similar in other ways, either. A study published just a couple of months ago found that having a diverse friend group—consisting of people of different age, ethnicity, income, education, and other characteristics—can have a positive effect on one’s social cohesion and their wellbeing.
Be that as it may, said well-being might not be positively affected by someone in the friend group delaying—or forgoing—covering their part of the expenses. And unfortunately, the latter can add up to quite a significant amount, bearing in mind how much people tend to spend on gifts every year. (According to Gitnux, back in 2019, for instance, the global gifting market was valued at $1.2 trillion dollars.) That’s why it’s crucial to repay one’s debts in time or at least not to say you will chip in when you are not planning to.
Netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, many didn’t think the OP was being a jerk
Others believed the situation might have been better handled differently
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What do you think ?
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 1 year ago
Ya…but what woman in her 30s needs to be TOLD you can’t pretend you paid when you didn’t. It seems inane to me that so many people want to coddle her. The audacity of announcing a LIE in public when you KNOW it’s a LIE is the problem. She thinks she above her friends who all paid. I would have done the same thing as OP if not been more harsh. Don't screw with people’s money. She’s stealing, for all intents and purposes. I would drop this entitled witch as a friend regardless of what the internet says. She’s not a friend, she’s a mooch and a thief.
BigCityLady 1 year ago
I agree wholeheartedly as OP was not in the wrong to call her out at that moment as she DID lie but she was just mad that she had been outed! As for the other woman in the group gifting, she can STFU and sit down as SHE was not out hundreds of dollars so she can STFU as well!! This "friend" of OP is not truly her friend as she has taken advantage of their relationship for years, apparently. The liar had it coming!!
Load More Replies...
Tyke 1 year ago
Friend needs to pay up, however, if they are that close, why can't OP sit her down like an adult and ask why she always acts that way? Is she actually hiding money problems or is she just an a**e? There was a more mature way to go about this.
HTakeover 1 year ago
Yup... should've handled it like the adults they supposedly are.
Load More Replies...
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
We don’t have enough context here. Maybe the friend is strapped for cash and can’t afford to contribute the expected amount. Been there myself. Even though it hurt my pride, I would summon up the courage to have a private word with the organizer about it, and see if it was OK for me to only contribute what I could, if I could. If I couldn’t, I would ask to contribute in another way that wasn’t so costly, like volunteer to set up a party or clean up after. However, I would never expect to be thanked for a gift I didn’t contribute to. Once times and my finances vastly improved, I always helped out friends or coworkers who were struggling to contribute to the never-ending round of birthdays, wedding/baby showers, weddings, and other parties and events like I used to be when I was starting out. Never ever forget the days when you were struggling, so you don’t blind yourself to the struggling of others, be understanding and discreet, and quietly step up and help when you can, without having to be asked (if you know damned well they’re in a financial bind). Now, if they’re crying poor, but you know damned well they just went on an expensive vacation or bought a whole bunch of expensive clothes or are otherwise able to afford expensive stuff for themselves but not others, that is a very different story.
PrettyJoyBird 1 year ago
You cant do it repeatedly for years as this offender did given tons of chances promise to pay x amt then nvr reply to messages when money was way overdue and gift had alrdy been given. Now 100 per gift several times a yr yeah seems her friend grp was well off financially and expected same from her. I wonder if she gave whatever she could say 50 bucks for example would they still have included her name.
Load More Replies...
MR 1 year ago
If she was just an acquaintance, part of the group, I'd totally get it. But she said she had her back in most aspects, so no, while behavior is unacceptable and she needed to be taught a lesson, this wasn't the time and place. The time & place was when you bought the gift and made your decision to send it without her name. If you care about the friendship, she should have been aware when the gift was sent without her name on it, not let her assume it was there. You made the issue public, which is... not friendly.
Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
NTA. The "friend" is a repeat offender, conveniently not having the necessary funds when required. (Does she do this when the group goes out to dinner?) As awkward as it may have been for the "friend," she needed to be called out, since she felt so entitled to try to claim credit for a gift of which she had no part in purchasing. It put her unseemly behavior in the spotlight where it belonged. It's also possible that others in the group have had to deal with this, but didn't know how to address it. Either things will change, the offender will get called out again, or she'll leave the group. As for those saying ESH and YTA, grt a life! I've dealt with those kind of people before, they keep sliding through people's wallets until someone tosses some well-deserved gravel.
Kaspar Kristiansen 1 year ago
Two wrongs doesn't make one right. I've known ppl just like the "friend" described here, and instead of suddenly leaving a name out (which IS an as-holy move) without telling, it would have been the moral high ground to just tell the person what you plan on doing. If it's really a friend, you can't say "that oughta teach her" without being somewhat douchy. And the friend obviously is a massive t****r, not excusing her at all, but why not handle this like adults.
Load More Replies...
kathyberthahazel 1 year ago
I think it should have been handled privately for the sake of the bride-to-be. I have no sympathy for the "friend" who did not contribute and claimed to be part of the group gift, but it put the recipient in an awkward position and brought unhappiness to what should be a joyful celebration. Best response would have been to inform her that her name wouldn't be on the card beforehand with enough notice to hope it would prompt her to pay before the party.
ERMAHGERD DINOSAURS 1 year ago
Ya…but what woman in her 30s needs to be TOLD you can’t pretend you paid when you didn’t. It seems inane to me that so many people want to coddle her. The audacity of announcing a LIE in public when you KNOW it’s a LIE is the problem. She thinks she above her friends who all paid. I would have done the same thing as OP if not been more harsh. Don't screw with people’s money. She’s stealing, for all intents and purposes. I would drop this entitled witch as a friend regardless of what the internet says. She’s not a friend, she’s a mooch and a thief.
BigCityLady 1 year ago
I agree wholeheartedly as OP was not in the wrong to call her out at that moment as she DID lie but she was just mad that she had been outed! As for the other woman in the group gifting, she can STFU and sit down as SHE was not out hundreds of dollars so she can STFU as well!! This "friend" of OP is not truly her friend as she has taken advantage of their relationship for years, apparently. The liar had it coming!!
Load More Replies... Tyke 1 year ago
Friend needs to pay up, however, if they are that close, why can't OP sit her down like an adult and ask why she always acts that way? Is she actually hiding money problems or is she just an a**e? There was a more mature way to go about this.
HTakeover 1 year ago
Yup... should've handled it like the adults they supposedly are.
Load More Replies... Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
We don’t have enough context here. Maybe the friend is strapped for cash and can’t afford to contribute the expected amount. Been there myself. Even though it hurt my pride, I would summon up the courage to have a private word with the organizer about it, and see if it was OK for me to only contribute what I could, if I could. If I couldn’t, I would ask to contribute in another way that wasn’t so costly, like volunteer to set up a party or clean up after. However, I would never expect to be thanked for a gift I didn’t contribute to. Once times and my finances vastly improved, I always helped out friends or coworkers who were struggling to contribute to the never-ending round of birthdays, wedding/baby showers, weddings, and other parties and events like I used to be when I was starting out. Never ever forget the days when you were struggling, so you don’t blind yourself to the struggling of others, be understanding and discreet, and quietly step up and help when you can, without having to be asked (if you know damned well they’re in a financial bind). Now, if they’re crying poor, but you know damned well they just went on an expensive vacation or bought a whole bunch of expensive clothes or are otherwise able to afford expensive stuff for themselves but not others, that is a very different story.
PrettyJoyBird 1 year ago
You cant do it repeatedly for years as this offender did given tons of chances promise to pay x amt then nvr reply to messages when money was way overdue and gift had alrdy been given. Now 100 per gift several times a yr yeah seems her friend grp was well off financially and expected same from her. I wonder if she gave whatever she could say 50 bucks for example would they still have included her name.
Load More Replies... MR 1 year ago
If she was just an acquaintance, part of the group, I'd totally get it. But she said she had her back in most aspects, so no, while behavior is unacceptable and she needed to be taught a lesson, this wasn't the time and place. The time & place was when you bought the gift and made your decision to send it without her name. If you care about the friendship, she should have been aware when the gift was sent without her name on it, not let her assume it was there. You made the issue public, which is... not friendly.
Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
NTA. The "friend" is a repeat offender, conveniently not having the necessary funds when required. (Does she do this when the group goes out to dinner?) As awkward as it may have been for the "friend," she needed to be called out, since she felt so entitled to try to claim credit for a gift of which she had no part in purchasing. It put her unseemly behavior in the spotlight where it belonged. It's also possible that others in the group have had to deal with this, but didn't know how to address it. Either things will change, the offender will get called out again, or she'll leave the group. As for those saying ESH and YTA, grt a life! I've dealt with those kind of people before, they keep sliding through people's wallets until someone tosses some well-deserved gravel.
Kaspar Kristiansen 1 year ago
Two wrongs doesn't make one right. I've known ppl just like the "friend" described here, and instead of suddenly leaving a name out (which IS an as-holy move) without telling, it would have been the moral high ground to just tell the person what you plan on doing. If it's really a friend, you can't say "that oughta teach her" without being somewhat douchy. And the friend obviously is a massive t****r, not excusing her at all, but why not handle this like adults.
Load More Replies... kathyberthahazel 1 year ago
I think it should have been handled privately for the sake of the bride-to-be. I have no sympathy for the "friend" who did not contribute and claimed to be part of the group gift, but it put the recipient in an awkward position and brought unhappiness to what should be a joyful celebration. Best response would have been to inform her that her name wouldn't be on the card beforehand with enough notice to hope it would prompt her to pay before the party.
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