Okay, so, first things first - we love French culture and the people. However, that doesn’t mean that we also don’t love to crack a funny joke or two about them! Just the same as we would about any other country and all in good spirit. And, if you agree that eating frog legs or having such a fixation on baked goods calls for an innocent joke or two - you’ve come to the right place. That’s right, this is our selection of French jokes, and it is totally tres bien if you find them hilariously amusing!
So, we guess the main thing that evokes a joke associated with any culture other than ours - in this case, it is jokes about the French - are the cultural differences. And how do people deal with something they do not entirely understand, but also don’t find threatening in any way? Why, they try to make the situation fun, and that’s where these funny French jokes fall. See, it isn’t about stereotypes, but rather trying to understand our differences and appreciating them in the process.
Right, so it is probably just about the time to pour yourself a glass of red, grab a baguette, and skip to the funny jokes about France that we’ve rounded up in this list. Once you are done reading them, give the best jokes your vote and share these little witticisms with your Francophile friends!
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Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don't like fast food.
A German went to France for a holiday and here is the scene, French border staff: "Occupation?" German: "No, no, no, just visiting."
Why do the French make omelets with only one egg?
Because in France one egg is un oeuf.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word. I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
Anyone can use my French Revolution joke. It's royalty-free.
A wealthy Frenchman was showing off his yachts. “This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six…” “What happened to five?” his wife asked. “Cinq” he answered.
A Frenchman walks into a library and asks the Librarian if he can check out a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
The usual American pronunciation of croissant makes my toes curl! (But all is forgiven when I hear one of you say the word "figure" - so lovely.)
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
All that was left was de brie.
Did you hear about the crazy person that that fell into the French river?
He was in Seine.
What do French ducks say?
"Quoi quoi."
If French ducks said quoi, qoui... It would be because you are Canadian...🤣
What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over?
The I Fell Tower!
What happens when you drink too much water in Paris?
European.
My French prof in middle school used about not pissin' in the piscine
Why did the French chef kill himself?
He lost his huile d'olive.
What do you call a French guy wearing sandals?
Philippe Philoppe.
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
What do frogs eat in Paris?
French flies.
What did the loanshark say to the Frenchman who loaned some money?
When you come back, you better have my Monet.
Manet sounds more like "money" than Monet. Ironically, Monet sounds like the word monnaie, which is French for money
Are you from Paris?
Because you’re driving me in-Seine.
I was surprised when I heard about the flooding in Paris. Normally, the water is l’eau.
What did the French husband say when his wife said she will not go and dine with him?
Wine not?
My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?
'Cause they hate the French press.
Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle?
Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*.
What do you call The Hunger Games in Paris?
Battle Royale with cheese.
Les concurrents portent tous des portefeuilles estampillés "Bad Motherfu € ker" dessus.
Did you hear about the small chicken that lived in a Parisian opera house?
It was called the bantam of the opera.
What did the French friend answer when he was asked to wear a costume for the party?
I will come in dis-Guise.
What would a French dog who loves eating potatoes be called?
A pomme de terrier.
Why did the tourist want to visit France?
Because it was a beret good time!
Why do most French tourists end up happy after visiting France?
It is impossible to Rouen the trip.
What did the tourist say when his mother asked if he could visit France again?
Of Corsican!
What type of breakfast do French people usually prefer?
The breakfast of champignons.
Why is French onion soup a favorite amongst people in France?
Because it is absolutely soup-er.
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a Soviet Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and eating fruit." The Englishman replies, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."
This is my favorite one. But it is a Russian joke, as the punch line is about Russia.
Why did the French give the statue of liberty to America?
They had no use for a statue with only one hand raised.
What’s the difference between a tick and the Eiffel tower?
Well nothing, after all, they are both Paris sites.
What did the tourist's kid say when he saw the Eifel Tower?
I love this French Tour.
Very good - Le Tour is the tower. And by the way, Eiffel is pronounced eefel, so many of these ‘jokes’ are based on bad French which is pretty poor.
Why did the woman hate being alone in a deserted street in France?
Because it gave her the crepes.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
Why are French rifles beat bought preused? They've only dropped once!
What did the wife say to her husband when they bought a new house in France?
I Cannes watch the French Riviera from this view.
What do people say in France after meeting someone they haven't met in a long long time?
"Our paths will croissant again."
Why do people from all around the globe love eating French food?
Because the taste is brie-ond brie-lief!
Why do French people simply love their country and cultural heritage?
They think that they are the creme brulee of the crop!
What is written in the book of the French Constitution?
The d-eclair-ation of man's every right.
My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day. So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a French fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato. Mrs. Potato said: “I see you eye-balling that French girl!”
What did the tourist decide after visiting France for the third time?
He wanted to Gauguin.
What did the mother say to his son when he verbally abused her?
"I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face."
What did the exasperated Frenchman say when his friend wouldn't keep quiet about France?
Oh for crying out loud! Baguette up about it!
How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
I don't know, it's never been done.
Why are the best-used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired, and they have only been dropped once.
What did the French policeman say after charging the driver for DUI?
"Why were you Rodin your car under influence?"
What did the French lover say to his wife who was late for work?
"It is time to Hugo to work, mon cherie."
What did the husband say to his French wife when they were going on a trip?
"How did you Charlemange-age to pack so many things?"
When the French woman returned home after her trip, what did she say?
I have so much to Marseilles about France.
What is the favorite song that French people love listening to?
"Hey, macaroon-a."
How do you keep a French person from crashing your party?
Put a sign up that says "no nudity"
What did the French woman say to the receptionist at the airport?
"I am in great Henri to visit France!"
Why do many art critics love to read about French painter, Eugène Delacroix?
They never get Bordeaux-ed about him.
In France, why does everyone have a confident attitude?
Because they hate Toulouse.
What did the French friend say when she had to leave after finishing dessert?
"I do not want to leave, but it’s time for me to escargot, I'm afraid."
Why do people barely complain about life in France?
Because they have Nantes-thing to crib about.
When the US went to the moon they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
Why do French tanks have rear windows?
So they can see the battlefield!
I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class.
I've never run so far in my life.
How do you sink an American battleship?
Have the French build it.
Many racist b******t, when you don't know other's History or culture, don't make fun of other's History or culture. It's juste offending
I am asking this without snark, just genuine curiosity and as someone who lived and worked in France for many years, is a history buff and speaks fluent French. I read through the first half, and cannot see either anything racist or a failure to know history. They are mostly just ways to slip French names and words into sentences. I did not take offence to the German joke, even though I am German. Am I missing something?
Load More Replies... Many racist b******t, when you don't know other's History or culture, don't make fun of other's History or culture. It's juste offending
I am asking this without snark, just genuine curiosity and as someone who lived and worked in France for many years, is a history buff and speaks fluent French. I read through the first half, and cannot see either anything racist or a failure to know history. They are mostly just ways to slip French names and words into sentences. I did not take offence to the German joke, even though I am German. Am I missing something?
Load More Replies... 