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When you’ve been dating someone for months, years or even decades, you become extremely in-tune with their behavior. If they’re having an off day, you’ll notice immediately. If they’re excited about something, they won’t be able to keep it a secret. And if they’re cheating on you, well, you might be able to pick up on that too.
Redditors have recently been discussing the first signs that people tend to notice when their partner is being unfaithful, so we’ve gathered their most accurate replies down below. From picking fights out of nowhere to suddenly needing to work overtime, these behaviors aren’t exactly proof, but they should raise some red flags. So be sure to upvote the things that you think everyone should be aware of in their relationships!
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#1
When the peace feels different.
Not the arguments - those come and go. It's when the silence between you changes. They stop asking small questions, stop sharing pointless details, stop existing *with* you and start existing *next* to you.
You can feel the distance before you ever find the proof.
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#2
They start accusing you of cheating. People usually project their fears onto other people.
#3
Picking fights so they have an excuse to storm off and be somewhere for a while.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
And the issues in the fights (valid or not) may be the reason (or excuse) for cheating.
Lara Verne 2 months ago
You mean they pick fight over anything, or verbally attack their partner until they start fight back, then blame their partner for fight, and when cheating get discovered, somehow it's partner's fault? They're the worst.
#4
Trust me when I say sometimes there is no sign, at all.
#5
They're suddenly working a lot of overtime with no money to show for it.
Tobias Reaper 2 months ago
my friends ex did this he worked "overtime" on weekends normally he came back from work and was dirty but on weekends he was mysteriously clean
#6
A few would be suddenly dressing new and getting much mkre concerned about appearance. More than normal. Ultra secretive with their phone. My ex would stand outside the front door and delete messages before coming in. I was just looking through the peephole to time a surprise. After that I looked more often and every day she would stand there and delete messages. Good night measages also when we were in bed.
Then you get this feeling like they pick fights just to have an excuse to break up. The tone of the fights just seem different. Like they become bullies.
Then there is the night out with the friends. If I did get invited id always say I wouldnt go. Once I said id go and then the night out somehow got canceled. Didnt take a genius to figure it out.
#7
Distance. Always distance. Emotionally, physically you can tell. It starts off with small things and then turns into complete disdain for you, when from your perspective, everything is going fine in the relationship. Always be cautious when they create distance out of nowhere.
Kristin 2 months ago
Mine was very unintentional. Im 37 going through menopause (full hysterectomy at 21) my husband of 15 years was sure I was cheating because of my distance and lack of s*x or intimacy. I was experiencing symtoms that were very foreign. No i never cheated but because of my symtoms it was giving the vibe of cheating 🤷♀️🤷♀️
#8
Being irritated with you about everything.
Your very existence starts irritating them.
Jay Scales 2 months ago
Yes, their focus has shifted and they don't want to bother with you any more.
Kim Steffen 2 months ago
This might be OCD. It's going well for about 6 months, then suddenly you're the worst person in the world.
#9
The times my wife was cheating she would start to get mean and resentful towards me. There was always a component of her and her affair partners demonizing me.
Kristy Marion 2 months ago
Times? Partners? Plural?? And no ex infront of the word wife??? Geez, unless you're in an ethically non monogamous relationship then GTFO after the first time being disrepected
#10
They start being distant, smile at their phone while texting someone without saying who, rarely call or text, or stop making plans.
#11
Change in behavior, going or staying out later than usual, Distancing themselves from me. The last straw for me is when they came back from grocery shopping, no groceries since “the lines were too long” and their hair was messy.
Laserleader 2 months ago
D**n. I know a guy who was cheating on his wife who just gave birth to their 4th child. He would say he was going to the store for milk and stop at his girlfriend place. She never noticed he was freshly showered when he got home.
Nils Skirnir 2 months ago
I’d add always being late. Not a few minutes, but hours, for things like taking our kids to somewhere important. Eg, missing the first half of Cats because she was hooking up in hotel in mission viejo or blowing her supervisor in a car at CSULB.
#12
Suddenly acting like they hate you.
Alexia 2 months ago
Yeah. Everything you do is wrong, bad and stupid. The house has a bad smell, their shirt is not well-ironed, their coffee is too hot or too cold, the child is naughty and makes a lot of noise and so on. Once the cheating partner moves away and just visits from time to time... things go back to normal: no bad smell, no complaints re. coffee or the child etc. 😄
#13
After an argument she leaves the apartment and returns two hours later in a much better mood and goes straight to the shower.
#14
My ex was turning his phone screen away, went out at night with vague excuses, came home with his vest pockets full of condoms (we didn’t use them) and had some lame excuse about it. Well he was cheating and she even moved in just 2 weeks after break up. He works in law now and makes a lot of money. Doesn’t surprise me, dude has no moral.
#15
Overly protective of their phone.
nottheactualphoto 2 months ago
What's this with couples wanting to rummage through each other's phones? It seems like a sign of distrust.
Justbecause 2 months ago
Its not wanting to rummage through a phone. It's turning the screen away when a message pings. It's snatching the phone away when you walk past it on the bench. It's sending you the link to a funny video instead of showing you on there phone when your in the same room. Its always using your phone for sat nav so you can't see who's names pop up with messages. It's waking up and accusing you of looking at there phone when you walk past there bedside table. Its always keeping it in there pocket when they used to leave it on the table.
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KatSaidWhat 2 months ago
haha. Oh, you just reminded me one came in an hour ago.
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PenguinEmp 2 months ago
Again, Ive been happily married. I'm like this. You want to look at my phone sure. Just ask. But I take my calls and texts privately. Just the way I do things. I'm overprotective of all my things
#16
They accuse you of it.
PandaPadi 2 months ago (edited)
This is making me a bit self conscious about my behaviour with my partner. I dont accuse him of cheating, but a few times he did things that can imply he is talking or seeing other people, and I called him out on it so he said I am projecting and Im the one who is actually doing this. Things like throwing away a whole box of condoms by accident (without me knowing until I asked), deleting messages of his ex when I saw the notifications on his phone, making jokes which seemed a bit too familiar/sexual with other women. Im 90% sure he wasnt actually cheating but 10% of me always think "what if Im wrong?". And this has created some kind of insecurity, its not present all the time, but sometimes it does come back. And he says Im projecting because I must be the one cheating. Im only telling him these things because I never had an explanation or closure on these past events.
st4x2gt974 2 months ago
I think you’re ignoring your intuition. Listen to your gut - this definitely sounds sus to me.
Load More Replies... #17
Telling stories about a “friend” or an “ex-coworker” a little too often.
#18
The biggest sign is your intuition — that quiet feeling that something just isn’t right. When your gut starts ringing alarm bells, don’t ignore it. That’s your first clue.
Cheating partners always have patterns, but they look different for everyone. Some might suddenly start doing more of something — being extra nice, dressing up, staying late at work — while others start doing less — showing less affection, less interest, less time together. Regardless of the details, your intuition will always be the number one sign that something’s off.
#19
If it's a female , then sudden changes in grooming, in case of my wife , shaving frequently.
Kristin 2 months ago
I shave everyday lol even my legs. Even in winter. I cant stand the feeling of hair especially rubbing against my jeans or leggings. That's just me though haha
setsuriseikou 2 months ago
And I hate the feeling of freshly shaved legs rubbing against anything. So I guess the point is "sudden changes".
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KatSaidWhat 2 months ago
Depends on the razor - mine can shave at a 90 degree angles, so I sometimes hold it like that. That said, I also have hypermobile joints.
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KatSaidWhat 2 months ago (edited)
I am sporting a lot of leg hair. If I was to suddenly start shaving frequently, there might be questions...
Load More Replies... #20
My ex fiancé, 10 years together.
Spent the morning together watching our daughter at sports day.
30 minutes after leaving, she went to another man’s house, slept with him and carried on like normal.
No signs.
#22
All of the sudden they have a “new friend” they want to show you and do things with all together…..
Yes sociopaths suck.
Ellinor she/they/elle 2 months ago
Is it really a sign of cheating ? I'm honestly asking, when I meet someone I find interesting and cool I'm usually so happy I can't stop thinking about seeing them again but I didn't knew it could be perceived as that.
Power puff scientist 2 months ago
Guess if you are in a relationship and all of a sudden want to hang out and see your new friend of the opposite s*x all the time it could be a sign.
Load More Replies... PenguinEmp 2 months ago
Yeah I met another person at work. We get along gangbusters. I get excited about a new friend, ya talk about them a bunch etc. That's not cheating. That's called being happy.
#23
More secretive. Less attention to you. Reduced interest in intimacy. Turns away when you try to kiss, or touch. Spending time texting, hiding the screen when you approach. Unaccounted for time away. Paying much more attention to their looks, and more primping, but not for time with you. If you do not share dwellings, their place is devoid of pictures of you, any indication that you exist.
#25
Suddenly caring about the appearance of their teeth. Invisalign, veneers, etc. My friend is the town dentist and always knows.
#26
Okay so one common thing I’ve noticed with my past experiences
Either they start love bombing and being more romantic (out of guilt)
Or they start distancing, being short fused, or start projecting.
I’m not saying all sweet ppl are cheaters I’m saying you know how your spouse usually is, even when they’re being sweet but you can tell when it’s a sweet moment out of love or guilt, you’ll just know.
Nichole Harris 2 months ago
My ex made so much extra effort when he cheated I almost wished he'd do it all the time
#27
Seeing “new text from *ex*” show up on the dash and they flinch and try to cancel it out as fast as possible. Never believe they are “just friends only” with their ex.
Fellfromthemoon 2 months ago
My ex was friends with his ex. Therefore, he told me when he talked to her. I never asked, never checked, never eavesdropped. And, yeah, he never flinched and didn't cheat.
#28
They stop trying. Completely. He was shut off, in his phone 24/7, worked “all this overtime” but also hid from me he had stopped paying rent entirely. Let it be a secret until he got us evicted. Gave me 3 weeks to pack up 8 years of my life with no help, no remorse, no anything, he sat there and watched me lose it, and then dropped me and my two daughters like we never mattered. Now he’s got a girlfriend 15 years younger. That doesn’t scream narcissist. Not at all. And he probably tells her I keep our daughter from him too. Knowing d**n well he hasn’t even text his own child in over a month now.
#29
They get home and take a shower immediately.
Billo66 2 months ago
My ex was a medical assistant so I didn't think anything of her showers as soon as she got home. You get bodily fluids on you and whatnot so that tracked. What gave it away was wearing nice clothes under her scrubs and getting all made up to go to work. Then coming home several hors late saying someone called in and she was mandated to stay. One day I was driving down the street and I saw her in the distance walking toward me, also in the direction of her "friend". I pulled over and called her. I said hi sweetheart what ya doin? She said Oh just doing laundry and watching TV, when will you be home? I said a couple hours, she said cool. Then I said Look up, she did and saw me. The look on her face was priceless. Her "friend" was also a MA (stimulant) user which led her to IV use of that substance. Man, what a nightmare.
Bi.Felicia 2 months ago
Was her "friend" also a medical assistant and a stimulant user or does MA in this case just mean methaddict?
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#30
When you get that gut feeling many time's I have ignored it and then been proved my initial gut feeling was spot on, trust your body.
#31
For me is was an emotional distance forming followed by a severe defensiveness when I gently probed.
For example, I suspected she had feelings for her previous BF and when I talked to her she blew up at me. She was in a competitive graduate school program and what struck me as weird is she would go back home at times that didn't match her school breaks, so she was missing easily +2 weeks or so each semester and that was keeping her back in her program. I realized she was cheating on me when I looked at the school schedule of her Ex and realized she was planning her trips home around _his_ schedule, not hers.
#32
They ask you if you are cheating when you haven't even thought of it.
Projection can be hard to control for the guilty.
#34
Secretive with their phones and they have places they need to go, usually to do with work, that you can’t go to. A sudden interest in their own appearance and looking better.
#39
They randomly start criticizing you for everything, stuff you wouldn't even think of. It's exhausting.
Brandie Litchfield 2 months ago
Honestly, that's why I don't date at all. It never fails that it gets to the point where every move I make becomes criticized. Like I get sick of feeling like I'm in trouble, when I'm a responsible grownass adult. I don't want to feel like I'm in trouble all the time, yet I tend to attract narcissists, so I'd rather just not even bother and concentrate on me and my child....being my own best partner feels far better than allowing another person to get close enough to just hurt me anyways. When you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable and grow and then it all gets turned around on you and nothing you can do is good enough anymore, why bother at all? The first few months are usually good, but you really can't know who someone is until the warranty wears off after that first year--then you see who you're really in a relationship with. I'd rather just save those years and not let anyone close enough to hurt me, or my kids. I'd rather just be alone &enjoy our peace
Brandie Litchfield 2 months ago
Plus, as a single parent, anyone we date is 40% more likely to a***e the children than either parent. Those odds suck. Literally, dating puts my child at risk so it's not worth it to me....too many news stories start out, with the mother leaving her kid(s) with the boyfriend while she worked and he hurt or k****d the babies---nope...I've seen those horror stories in real life and I'd rather be alone with my babies, concentrate on knowing my kids rather than any man, putting that effort into spending time with them, making memories with the ppl who truly do matter ❤️ too many women would rather elevate the next man they meet instead of elevate their own babies...
Load More Replies... #40
Turning their phone away and taking it everywhere, including in the shower….
HangryHangryHippo 2 months ago
I take my phone with me when I shower, but because I enjoy listening to music 🤷🏼♀️. And I use the free version of the music app so it doesn't work in the background to do another thing either, hahaha
#41
They treat you as less than human.
There’s a whole dehumanisation process that happens long before the cheating.
#43
Protective of their phone, picking fights with you accusing YOU of cheating honeslty you feel it in your gut and soul I was having severe anxiety out of no where couldn’t figure it out and something just felt off every time I was around him.
#44
They start acting differently. Nicer, meaner, more distant, whatever. Vibe change.
Little Bit 2 months ago
I'm currently going through the menopause. I'm a different person every day.
Brandie Litchfield 2 months ago
I just had 6 months worth of periods in one weekend. I felt like one huge bloated, painful uterus waddling and just wanted chocolate ice cream and bed rotting ❤️ id thought period days were behind me already. Here's hoping it's the last time!!
Load More Replies... #45
One big thing: GASLIGHTING. 1) They try to accuse you of cheating/being interested in other people. 2). When you’re hanging out with friends they are constantly asking questions like “what’re you doing?” “who’s there?” and if you don’t respond quick enough for them they get suspicious.
#46
Sudden obsession with a band/music that is way outside the boundaries of their usual taste. ie a punk girl demanding Mumford and sons. Or a hozier die hard getting her swiftie card.
#47
When she says he's just a friend.
#48
I think the first thing you will notice is phone usage and phone protectiveness. People who don’t cheat are not scared to leave their phone lying about whilst they shower etc.
#49
They’re pregnant.
Farah (she/her) 2 months ago
reminds me of that one ai that was doing text to speech and he said "we listen and we dont judge I think I'm pregnant. I'm so scared to have this baby. Are you telling me I'm gonna birth it out of my a*s?" easily the funniest thing I heard in a while
Load More Replies... Brandie Litchfield 2 months ago
I've never met a man who did not cheat while his wife or girlfriend was pregnant.
#50
Getting weird about their phone.
Mine is always available. My gf can grab it and make a call, check the weather, whatever
When people start getting weird about their phone there’s something going on .
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Ace 2 months ago
A lot of these are things that can happen in relationships with or without cheating, or as a precursor or a result thereof. Over >30 years my late wife and I had a few periods where things like not being intimate, not being close, feeling resentful, etc. were evidence of strains, but neither of us were ever involved in affairs. So some of these things may be good as early-warning signals, get your relationship fixed, sorta thing, but should not immediately be interpreted as signs of cheating.
Livingwithcfs 2 months ago
I realize all these people found out their partners were found to be cheating, but some of them sound like they may be part of the problem since they say ex's
Ace 2 months ago
Relationship break-ups are very rarely 100% one-sided, so yeah, of course they're a part of the problem. While in no way justifying anybody cheating, in most cases people will only do so if there is something lacking in, or already going wrong with, their existing relationship.
Load More Replies... Tyke 2 months ago
I just don't know how people do it. I could never cheat on my husband, I feel guilty hiding chocolate from him, let alone an affair.
Malamutes 2 months ago
Getting ready to wash a load of jeans. I only had 3 pairs that needed to go, so I grabbed hers to toss in as well. Was going through her pockets (don't wanna wash any money or anything) and find a man's titanium and diamond wedding band. Hmmm. MY wedding ring is black carbide, no stones. So that was a pretty good tip-off that something wasn't quite right...
Brandie Litchfield 2 months ago (edited)
Emotional affairs occur long before physical affairs do. Someone will go through the motions long before they actually have s*x with another person. Hopefully you can catch them before the physical affair occurs. Please trust your gut and stop being a ppl pleaser and a door mat!! Too many of us were forced into ppl pleasing roles as children& then don't know how to defend our own boundaries as adults!!
Ace 2 months ago
A lot of these are things that can happen in relationships with or without cheating, or as a precursor or a result thereof. Over >30 years my late wife and I had a few periods where things like not being intimate, not being close, feeling resentful, etc. were evidence of strains, but neither of us were ever involved in affairs. So some of these things may be good as early-warning signals, get your relationship fixed, sorta thing, but should not immediately be interpreted as signs of cheating.
Livingwithcfs 2 months ago
I realize all these people found out their partners were found to be cheating, but some of them sound like they may be part of the problem since they say ex's
Ace 2 months ago
Relationship break-ups are very rarely 100% one-sided, so yeah, of course they're a part of the problem. While in no way justifying anybody cheating, in most cases people will only do so if there is something lacking in, or already going wrong with, their existing relationship.
Load More Replies... Tyke 2 months ago
I just don't know how people do it. I could never cheat on my husband, I feel guilty hiding chocolate from him, let alone an affair.
Malamutes 2 months ago
Getting ready to wash a load of jeans. I only had 3 pairs that needed to go, so I grabbed hers to toss in as well. Was going through her pockets (don't wanna wash any money or anything) and find a man's titanium and diamond wedding band. Hmmm. MY wedding ring is black carbide, no stones. So that was a pretty good tip-off that something wasn't quite right...
Brandie Litchfield 2 months ago (edited)
Emotional affairs occur long before physical affairs do. Someone will go through the motions long before they actually have s*x with another person. Hopefully you can catch them before the physical affair occurs. Please trust your gut and stop being a ppl pleaser and a door mat!! Too many of us were forced into ppl pleasing roles as children& then don't know how to defend our own boundaries as adults!!
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