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Therapist Tries To Open Parents’ Eyes By Sharing What 28 Teenagers And Kids Have Told Her
It’s only after you become a parent that you realize raising your child has a lot more hidden challenges than you could have foreseen. And we’re not just talking about how tough it can be to help them out with their homework and what to pitch to Santa for this year’s Christmas gifts. Good parents take the time to look after their kids’ mental health, not just their physical well-being.
A roof over their head and food on their table is absolutely essential, but how you communicate and how you treat them is absolutely vital for their welfare. There are various fears and anxieties to tackle… though the sad reality is that traumatic experiences can’t always be avoided. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.
Trauma counselor Courtney, who has 18 years of experience in her field, filmed a series of emotionally impactful videos on TikTok that we weren’t prepared to see. She shared the things that her child and teenage clients told her about their parents, by writing them on sticky notes. It just goes to show how insightful and smart kids really are, and how vital it is to actively listen to them. Scroll down to see what she revealed in her three incredibly powerful TikToks, and to see how the internet reacted.
More info: TikTok | YouTube | Podcast
Trauma counselor Courtney revealed some of the most heartbreaking things her kid and teen clients told her during therapy
Image credits: ask.courtney
You can watch the first part of her video series right over here
@ask.courtney They gave permission to share #teens #teenthoughts #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenting101 #familiesoftiktok #therapy #familymatters ♬ Einaudi: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi & Daniel Hope & I Virtuosi Italiani
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Amen. Killing and threatening to kill my pets, loved ones, my animal friends does not motivate me to follow ur rules.
The counselor notes that her clients all gave her permission to anonymously share what they had told her during their sessions with her.
Combined, the three videos got over half a million likes since being posted. The things the clients told Courtney are absolutely heartbreaking, and they had some TikTok users in tears.
Oof... sounds like how I felt with my mom growing up. I try hard now not to be that parent, but should and will actively check in with each of my kids after school today.
Counselor Courtney told Scary Mommy that there is no such thing “as a perfect parent.”
“We've all been on our phones too much because we've needed to zone out after a long day or were stuck so deep in our own minds that we didn't give our children the attention they needed, or simply bailed out of a tea party because we were too overstimulated. It's okay—learning to take responsibility, showing accountability, and repairing are the ultimate goals,” the expert said.
But when the kid gets a phone, the parents will freak out about it whenever he/she/they/ are on it.
6 years old and they don't say goodnight anymore ... I don't know why this one in particular stuck out to me, but I find it very telling about how much the parents care. Poor kid :-(
The trauma counselor mentioned that while it’s perfectly normal to want to know what happened during therapy sessions, “it's equally as important that the relationship between child and counselor remain safe and that means that parents won't always be privy to what is said.”
Good communication is about trust and respecting boundaries. Some of the ways that parents can talk to their kids about their sessions, however, include asking them about their favorite part of therapy that day. If they see that their kids are tense and don’t want to open up, parents ought to point out that they’re not upset about this.
Teens should get some independence, it should not be either a whooping whenever the kid has an opinion or helicopter parents.
My 16 year old has been making her own decisions for quite awhile. She'll sometimes run stuff by me to see if I see a situation differently, but other other that, it's all her. I barely ask her about homework, there's no need, not doing her homework stresses her out and there is no need to add to that. She's had straight A's for the last 8 years. She also has a lot of freedom with her boyfriend since he's also a really good kid whom we like a lot. I fully trust my child to make smart decisions. She hasn't been in trouble since 4th grade. We chat about her day every day, of course, and she comes to me if she needs to talk, a hug or just support. The words, "I love you" are constant esp at bed time. As you can see, I'm extremely proud of her. I wish my relationship with my own mother was 1/2 this good, it definitely is not.
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Whoever is downvoting every single comment under this, please stop, people are opening themselves up and trying to help each other and being supportive, this is helpful and I appreciate this community, don’t downvote posts you disagree with, unless it is genuinely harmful, this is all good stuff
I'm still growing up (just turned 18) these are some of the rules I have/have had from my parents: No phone At all. No social media. Everything must be watched with them No sleepover All friends must be watched at all times (and judged) Will get rid of friends for you, if they disagree with the slightest thing No swears Must finish all food Because your female you must have long hair and wear skirts, and also eat 3/4 less food than your siblings (we are literally the same weight+height) Must ask permission for Everything (including food and bathroom) You can talk to us!!(but we will act like everything doesn't matter) Favorite kids is normal. If my brother is depressed- let's get icecream! If im depressed- you can t be because your childhood was perfect! :) We will yell at you and tell you you are worthless. No dating is allowed ever. Must be your moms personal maid, and your brothers caregiver (because your a girl) This isn't even half of them! :D
Also: you may never have a contradicting opinion with ours- And if you talk we will either yell, get annoyed, or punisb you- but if you don't talk your being a mopey brat and must be punished And you will be punished by dad when he gets home , even though mom was the one who called you a worthless shut. :)
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I have been given no independence. I'm scared if I'm able to handle life
You'll be ok. Made it this far. You've got grit. <3 ✌
Load More Replies... I had a revelation at age 13, and discovered I could form my own opinions and not just parrot my mother. She REALLY hated that.
Love it! I realised at 8 that my parents weren't always right. I found it quite liberating tbh.
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I had parents like that, and I can assure you, this is a curable condition on your end. Get out of their home when you can afford to budget living entirely alone and don't accept or try to get roommates for your entire first lease or mortgage. Never bring people into your new place during this time. Why? Because this gives you a chance to "speed date" the various parts of you that couldn't use your wings when you were at home. Not having roommates or in-home guests or committed relationships means that you can abandon the parts of you that aren't working out, and you can hone the parts that are all without being called out or "pinned" to any of them or being vulnerable to having your narrative rewritten. WIsh you luck, success, and courage.
I’m scared to be an adult because I need to learn so many more social things, and I can’t learn these things when being controlled, I’m scared that I’m going to end up in a bad place without meaning to, or I’ll get hurt and not know how to fix it, I’m scared that I’m going to make mistakes and be stuck with it, I know as an adult I won’t be able to go to my parents, I need them to let me go out and make mistakes now when they can be here to help me through them, cause whenever I try to go to them for a mistake I made they get really mad at me and blame me, and I chicken out if I make a different mistake cause I don’t want that fear and guilt again, why don’t they understand it took so much for me to go to them for help and they made me feel worse and now I don’t know what to do
Can you find other adults to talk to? To get advice and guidance? Parents of friends, other family? Very few mistakes are so serious that we have to live with them forever. We all mess up at times. Just do your best, correct it when you do go wrong, and move on. If they won't that's something that you'll have to learn to ignore I'm sorry to say. A lot of parents project and fear their children will make the mistakes they made (or were expected to make by their parents!). Some just refuse to let their children grow up (even when they have!). Maybe try to go elsewhere for help if all they do is make you feel worse. I don't know how easy it will be for you but it will be the making of you when you can leave home. It isn't as scary as it seems, for many it is very freeing. Practically everybody does it and some of us are real idiots (I may mean me!) and yet we cope! You can do it and I'm sure you will be fine.
Load More Replies... I'm 36, but because I'm the youngest, I'm STILL going through this with my parents. The back seat driving is the worst, especially from my mom. I have to put my life on hold, though, because she recently broke both her wrists and since my father still works full-time, I have to take care of my mother. S**t like this has been going on since my loser self had to move back in about three years ago. They say thank you for the help and then turn around and micromanage everything I do. I can't win with my own life right now.
I know words from a stranger on the internet can't alter a damn thing but you need to grab your life in your hands and take it back - you don't get another. You're NOT a loser, you've just hit a temporary stumbling block. Get yourself back on your feet and get away as soon as you can. Then limit contact, if they try to micromanage just say no or say nothing and do what YOU want to do anyway. Limite what you tell them. People control by manipulation and we let them... ask me how I know!! I so hope you can do it. Good luck.
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This really hits home with me... I was checked and controlled until I left the house... I wasn't able to think for myself and made some very bad decisions that I am now facing the consequences of. At 44(!) I finally know what I want in a relationship, my job etc.... Now all I have to do is figure out how to get it all done...
Sigh. Yes, but. A kid going through puberty is having their entire brain rearranging itself, their executive function is messed up, and their abilities at empathy are only marginal. This only is fully over by 24 or so, so no, most teens cannot be trusted to make the right decisions. That being said, they should mostly be monitored, not controlled, and parents should only step in when the actions of the teens are such that they can cause irreparable damage. Teens should also have discipline and boundaries, rather than punishment and parental control.
It gets better but you need to work on yr self esteem...which is haaard! But it's worth it. You are worth it Xxx
Tell that to MY parents. They are literally keeping PARENTAL CONTROLS ON MY PHONE until I'm LITERALLY 21. That means even after I'm an adult I'll still have them.
This is me, and I'm 20! I'm slowly learning how to actually be an adult and try to do things the adult way, but sometimes something comes up, and I don't know how to deal with it because I was always told I should do it or should've done it.
Didn't finish.... even now, tho I'm living in the south an the parents in the Midwest, I still get the same thing, I can never be good or do good enough for them, feels like. I'm learning to live on my own, but very slowly....
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I clash with my mom all the time cause she tries to control everything about me and has repeatedly started crying about me being trans to try and get me to not get a binder or something. She needs to accept that I'm not constantly in danger and even though our neighborhood is dangerous, I feel way safer wandering around alone without any weapons or s**t (that she doesn't let me have anyways even when I asked for a bulletproof thing to put in my backpack cause school shootings) than I do anywhere near her.
This kid is in danger of getting into cults or radical political groups, I fear. I have read about and talked with sooo many people who joined whatever group they were in because they found it a great relief that other people told them what to do and what to think. I am so sorry for this 18 year-old kid!
Yep. So many people disrespect/disregard what teenagers have to say/do but then say "you're an adult now start acting like one" as soon as graduation hits. Make up your minds folks! A diploma isn't a magic paper!
ftp... you just said what i keep trying to tell my whole family...i appreciate that (12 yo here)
I am facing this now as an adult I am CONSTANTLY looking for permission or validation from anyone for every little decision I feel stupid a lot tbh
In school the students are told what to think. They are not coached how to think and evaluate information. Parents who think they are protecting their child are crippling them on HOW to think and evaluate. Teaching a child how to, you teach him how to live. Feed a hungry man you feed him once. Teach a man how to feed himself, you feed him for life.
parents cant always fix things and when they try, they end up breaking more things such as relationships. and they dont know whats happening on the inside of my brain, but the more control that they have over me , the less control i have over my feeligns
some parents will Always control.....I was 42 years old the first time I openly defied my mother. ....she tried to control me until her death.
My mother insisted on choosing our clothes even while in high school. I would hide clothes and change after I got to school and hope I didn't get caught wearing something she didn't approve.
This falls in gray area sometimes. There are kids who need intensive parenting and many who can be self sufficient
Oh, bullsit. An 18 yr old is an adult and free to make their own choices legally.
They're saying they don't know how because their parents have been puppeting them for too long. It happens more than you'd think.
Load More Replies... We parents trust our kids to make decent choices and be honest with us parents as far as they show respect and responsibility as teens. Under 13, you're going to be on a leash, over 13 to 16, you've got to prove you aren't a complete idiot, over 16, well, I'm sill responsible for you legally for another 2 years, but if you show me, your parent, that you're not a complete idiot, I'm going to trust you more but expect you to be complicent with a few rules.
“I wish parents started trusting their kids and stopped controlling them” - 18yo. As a parent, this makes me roll my eyes. I’m sure there are Bad Control Freak Parents out in the world. But IME and observation: parents distrust their kids because, quite simply *the kids aren’t trustworthy*. Before everyone jumps on me: I’m not saying that all kids are bad people. But they are young and inexperienced and sometimes trusting them is a big mistake: “You can trust me, I don’t do drugs!” “… I’m saving myself for marriage!” “… I’m a good driver and I never speed!” Etc. In reality, building trust is a process that takes a lot of time and work. And it’s made even more difficult when the trust is broken - which *surprise* is not uncommon. Yes, broken trust can be considered a “learning experience”, but sometimes the cost of the lesson is unacceptable: a criminal record, an unwanted pregnancy, even death. I’ll probably catch lots of flack over writing this, but I’m simply trying to be realistic
Not getting any flack from me or anyone else by the looks of it.
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i want to hug this kid and tell them it isn’t their fault. i was raised like this and it’s very detrimental to the rest of your life
“You can say, ‘I get it, you feel safe talking to [Counselor Name]. I like that, and I am happy that you have them to talk to. I want you to know that I, too, am working hard and when you are ready, I'd love to be a safe place for you where I can listen’—the best thing to do is respect that emotional boundary that's popping up for them,” she told Scary Mommy.
She added that a way for parents to start an honest conversation with their kids is to ask for their permission. Here’s an example of what a parent might say: “I realize that we need to communicate more and I think that starts with me becoming a better listener. Like you, I am still growing and learning new things each day. Thank you for being patient with me. I know sometimes I haven't listened to you. I know how frustrating that is. So, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you ok with that?”
Some other things that parents can ask include: “If there was one thing at home that you could change, what would that be?" and "What is one thing in your life that you'd like to have more control over?”
“The more we know about ourselves, our childhood, and what we need now as adults the better we can heal and the more emotionally present we can be for our children. As parents, we mustn't strive for perfection but for growth. Be gentle with yourself as you grow and keep showing up…it truly takes a village,” Courtney said.
A while back, single mom Ariane Sherine told Bored Panda that the difficult years of parenting are just phases, and that there will be plenty of shifts and changes along the way. She highlighted the fact that, just as parents need to take care of their children, they also need to take care of themselves.
“See if you can get some help each week, whether that's grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn't be able to do while looking after your child,” she noted that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can try talking to a friend or consider reaching out to a counselor.
I know I will get downvoted, but is is a fun relaxing game. No need to prioritize it over a kid though.
this is how it was with my sisters for a lot of my life… it just led them to disliking me and ignoring me even more for a very long time
Previously, psychologist Lee Chambers shared his thoughts with Bored Panda about traumatic experiences and resilience.
"As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," the expert told us.
No, they definitely shouldn’t. I have so much respect for my father bc he’s never talked s**t on my alcoholic mother, ever. I called her an idiot once and he said, ‘well I won’t fight with you on that one’…that’s the worst 😝❤️
"It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead,” the psychologist said.
My mom lies a lot to. "I miss you!" She says over the phone. Just seen me for the first time in 4 years l:(
"Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda.
He revealed that he himself had to learn to walk again. Here’s what he said helped him during that difficult time: “Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."
Here's how some internet users reacted to the extremely emotional videos
Many people say I'm selfish because I don't want children. Now, to have kids and don't give all the love and attention they need, that's selfishness.
I love kids, but I don't want to have any myself. But same, @Cami
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This is sad and reminds us to listen to children/teens more. Most of the comments suggest that the parents take them for granted and/or think that they are too young to understand.
So many mention parents being on their phones all the time. One wonders what will become of children who get scant attention because Dad is texting all the time and Mom is playing Angry Birds.
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I cried in my classroom reading this. I relate to a lot of these. My friends have been saying for a while that stuff I thought was normal, isn’t. This just confirms what they’ve been telling me.
I just reread this with a friend during lunch and I was internally hurting while procrastinating in class.
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The hard part for me as a parent is that I learned from my parents and they weren't the best. I told my seven year old that. I yell too much sometimes and I know it is wrong. I let him know daddy did a wrong thing and that I am trying to unlearn the way I was raised. We are lucky in a sense though. My son gets services because he had a stroke in utero (you can't tell because an infant's brain is pliable and can overcome it). We have a behavioral therapist and I have learned so many positive good ways to parent from the therapist. The therapist even says it is tough to unlearn what your parents taught you about parenting, but the good thing is I realized it and have become a much better parent since. I still have work to do, but everything is getting better.
It speaks volumes about you that you have not only listened to the therapist, but have used that to grow as a parent. I've seen way too many parents who instantly react to whatever a therapist says as criticism and being attacked. You are doing a phenomenal job!
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They are people. Treat them as people, not pets. (My mom on children/teens.)
Why pets deserve less? They are family too, I know you meant well, but please don't indicate that pets deserve less, I have to strongly disagree.
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I once gave advice to a guy at the casino, I know he just didn't want to hear it but I had to. As he was playing slots, his phone rang every 5 minutes, and I heard him say "I'm leaving right now" every single time. I finally asked "who's calling you?". He said his kids. I asked him " how old are they?" And they were pretty young. I told him "I wish I could go back to those days and play with my kids and ask them what's going on in their life". "I am 70 years old and my kids live about 5 hours away. I can drive there without a problem but I can't do it every day. Sometimes I miss them because of that and I can't afford to move closer to them. I just didn't realize when I was younger that we wouldn't see each other as much. ZOOM is not the same as hugging them." He got up and left. A little while later he came back and said he was headed home and that what I said shook him up. I hope so! And I have no kids. I made it up.
I was in a Barnes and Noble parking lot one day and a woman was standing there with her 2 year old in her arms, the child was screaming and crying while the mom chose to stand there and shoot the breeze with a friend of hers. Later that day, I saw a woman gossiping on her phone even while her 9 year old daughter tried to get her attention. My son, 22 and autistic, asked why the kids were upset. I told him because the parents were ignoring them. Now my son is blunt, so when we passed by the little girl and her mom, he stopped and told the little girl "I'm sorry your mom is ignoring you." The woman looked shocked and annoyed, but it had the desired effect because she got off the phone. She gave me the stink eye throughout the store, but I've never been so proud of my son as I was at that moment.
Its a 2year old. They scream when you won't let them do stuff that will literally kill them. They are in the boundary testing stage
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My parents think every wrong thing I do deserves punishment. They take away the car so I can't get to practice, they take away all electronics and T.V, they have a lock on the pantry and they lock it when they are mad so I can't get food out of there. They also lock the treat box and soda fridge. And so many other things. My mom sometimes doesn't talk to me to weeks at a time (like right now) and I am consistently in my room for days (like I am right now) not talking to them, both us of being rude to each other, and I cry every single night, silent crying to the point where I can barely breath, because I know how much they wish they had never had me. My dad is alright but I know my mom truly hates me. I hate it and I feel so sorry for her that I'm in her life but I hate her as well at the same time, its so confusing. I'm 16.
Whitney -- withholding food (not sodas or treats, but real food) is abuse categorized as neglect. Tell your.teacher!
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This felt like a knife in my heart. I realize I'm not doing the best for my children. I try to show them I'm proud of them and they're loved, but I think I need to give them more attention than I do. I don't think I'm a bad parent, but I think I can be better and I will be better.
Hey its Better learned late rather than not all right? Tomorrow is another day and you can always improve ❤️
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"If you don't believe I'm in pain why would you believe me if I said I was being beaten". I said that to my mom not that long ago about what happened in my childhood, I had horrible headaches since around 3yo and I knew back then she didn't believe it. When I was 6 and my grandmother started beating me she said if I told no one would believe and the memory of my mom not believing my headaches confirmed that for me, so I never told any of the horrible stuff that happened to me to anyone and took it all alone. I'm still heavily hurt and incapacitated by a mix of my trauma and my late diagnosed diseases.
I'm so sorry that you had to experience such disregard from your mother and especially the trauma from your grandmother 🙏 I wish you all the support you need to heal from all of it 💜
Load More Replies... I related to too many of these. I think I might need a therapist as well
Well, I've saved this page and I'm going to re read periodically. I think I'm a doing ok parent but there's always room for improvements and learning and this list will help me remember how NOT to parent. Each and every one of these broke my heart x
My parents treated me like this. Then they complained about how I was tired all the time, and never interacted with anyone. Please, before you have kids, be honest with yourself. Will you be able to give them the love and attention that they deserve?
I wanted children, but had miscarriages instead, plus can’t afford adoption. Having grown up in a bad home environment myself, I definitely learned what NOT to do. Yet, so many people who could and did have children don’t even act like they wanted them. Tell you what, instead of abusing and/or neglecting your children, just bring them to my house. You can ring my doorbell and run if you’re that much of a coward (and it’s pretty much a sure bet you are a coward), but leave your kids on my front steps. Believe me, they’ll be better off with me, someone who actually wants them and will be good to them, than they ever could be with you. (In other words, either don’t have kids in the first place, or at least find someone who would be a much better parent than you are, and have them raise your kids—-so much better for everyone all around than you keeping, abusing/neglecting, and therefore totally f*****g up, your kids. Admit you can’t do it, and find someone who can step up to the plate and be great at it.)
I wish you big hugs! What about fostering kids? Is that an option?
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Okay but.. isn't that info like confidential? Yeah she did not say their names or anything but still.. if I went to a therapist I wouldn't want her to talk about stuff I said to them with someone else (unless they're also professionals in that area)
On the one hand, I get your point. But on the other... as long as reading what I told my therapist might make people think "oh, I'm not the only one going though that, kinda makes me feel just a little bit better" or "I probably should think about going to therapy too" or "oh, I do that too and apparently it might hurt people, didn't know that, will stop doing that", then please, dear therapist, by all means tell what I told you to as many people as possible. I was hurt and I know how much it hurts and I don't want any more people to get hurt like this.
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This is really sad, but I related to lots of this without knowing until I read it
I struggled horrendously with 'executive function' skills all the way through school despite being 'smart.' As an adult looking back at this, I'm pretty sure I'm either on the spectrum or ADD; never actually diagnosed, despite seeing a specialist who told my parents in front of me that I was probably on the spectrum. It's like after they found out I didn't have ADHD, they just gave up and decided it was all intentional. The screaming and punishment did not make me more motivated or more organized. It made me a better sneak and liar, and left me with a permanent fear of my mother.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry for you! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 even though I love my parents i have to deal with my dad not understanding how my autism works and gets angry at me for crying because I'm 'a teenager and should try harder to regulate my emotions normally bc tantrums are for toddlers', which makes me cry harder. I love him dearly and I wouldn't trade him up for any other dad but I wish he'd try harder to understand sometimes
Load More Replies... I’m just sick to my stomach, which is how I felt most of my childhood. I don’t have kids. I’ve never had a “mom” instinct. I wish I could hug every one of those kids, take them out somewhere and just listen and give them some freedom and joy. “What would YOU like to go do?” Then go do it to the max. But then I’d have to return every single one of them to all I just read. 😔😔😔
I mean wishing you could hug those kids to make them feel better is definitely a maternal instinct if that makes you feel better. Doesn't have to be your own kids to be mom instinct:)
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These post its are sad and some of them, I am shocked to hear due to their age. However, I believe the younger generation/kids are getting smarter these days. Now, that being said, there are 2 sides to every story. We aren't knowing what is going on with the parents. Kids feel this way all the time, even if it was a perfect household. " The Brady Bunch" household doesn't exsist at all these days. Those times never have existed even back in the gold old days too. The good thing to know, is that these times when these kids feel this way, will pass in due time. Depending on the age, they will go through all different types of emotions. If they don't have these emotions, then that is when we should get worried. I'm not saying that their feelings aren't real or they are invalid, but parents go through a lot too with the different stages of their kids lives. I am a parent myself and I have a 19 year old and a 9.5 year old and I tell you what, they are so different from each other and my younger child's emotions are different than what my older child's emotions was at the same age but we raised them the same.
One thing that parents have to understand is that teenagers rebel. It's a NECESSARY part of growing up. We want them to be independent ... but then crush them when they deviate in the slightest from what WE want them to do and be. Kids will go through a time when they will rebel against everything their parents stand for. It's a re-evaluation process as they move from being a child under their parents' control to an adult who has to think and act for themselves. It's a natural part of identifying and defining themselves as an individual, and figuring out what their motivations, goals and foundations are. Most of these kids will actually fall back pretty close to their parents. But at the same time, this rebellion is a kind of social evolution that allows each generation to modify behavior and thinking to adapt to changing circumstances. A lot of good leaders were rebels as kids.
I wasn’t ready to cry over this, I wasn’t ready to feel these on a personal level (I’m 16)
This break my heart like a hammer and glass im so sorry for them😭😭
I can’t even cry reading these bc my mom is in the room with me while I’m reading and my heart is broken for all of these kids
i relate to all of this because when my friends asked me if I was ok when I was emotionally abused, I always lied and said I was fine even though I was hurting horribly because my parents stopped paying for therapy. I didn't know how to confess.
This saddens me more than I can put into words. I could see myself in so many of these. Please, listen to your kids. Sometimes even the kid who seems to be the happiest kid around, always wearing a smile on their lips, sometimes that kid is the most lonely and saddest of them all. I can't have kids, so if you have them, please check what you're doing and make sure they know you love them no matter what.
Even adults want to feel loved by their parents. My mom left when I was 12. Fast forward 35 years and I brought my elderly mother to live with me. I was hoping to have a relationship with her, get to know her, feel what it's like to have a mother. Turns out she didn't like me.
i second this. at 28 I'm just now getting over my mother's failure to be a mother. now i don't need her, but i still want a relationship. the thing is that she'll never be my mother in anything more than blood. if we have a relationship, it'll be with the same closeness i have with my distant aunts.
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Where did this come from? No need for the downvotes. I'm genuinely curious as to where you might've come to this conclusion after reading this post. Was it in the article?
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I left the father of my children because all we did was fight. 20 yrs later tgey still blame me. I keep telling them that I felt tge fighting would set a bad example for them. I wanted tgem to see a loving family but they still blame me.. there is no winning
I know an upvote won't ease the pain, but have mine 🖤
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It's ridiculous how SOME women like having children because they feel they get a lot of attention when they're pregnant. Really? Such a want or need for attention?, that you bring a new life into this world plus your life changes forever.
I know someone like this and the older kids are treated like janitors. Its b******t and upsets me greatly
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There is such a lack of context in some of these: taking one thought without any knowledge of how, when, where, frequency etc. is not the ‘truth’. Some of these could be temporary situations. Further, they are clearly interpreted words paraphrased by an adult, particularly those of the very young children. While it’s no doubt true these children are going through something negative, it is not clear at all what real context they are in. Yes, it’s a wake up call to parents, but it’s also inaccurately presented.
As someone working in primary education and dealing with children with problems I am dubious of some of these answers. A lot of the answers use words and phrase sentences that a child of that age would not. Unless she has reinterpreted what was said to her.
I love kids but there should be line that they should not cross. Let them make mistakes, we all do even now. But some of them may be really harmful. Listen to the kids and make them understand why the 'NO' is all about.
Yes alot can be solved when they know why you say no.
Load More Replies... Whoever is downvoting every single comment under this, please stop, people are opening themselves up and trying to help each other and being supportive, this is helpful and I appreciate this community, don’t downvote posts you disagree with, unless it is genuinely harmful, this is all good stuff, a downvote is not a disagreement, it is a ban
This whole post broke my heart. I recognized myself in a lot of these... evern at those young ages... some people don't deserve to be parents.
Currently on a positive mental health journey with my 14yo. Its an uphill battle daily but this I was good! I need to listen more and spend more quality time with him before it’s too late
As a forgotten and unloved child by an entire family, while my other two siblings had relationships with the entire family. It still sucks. I feel these words to my core. I tell my son EVERY SINGLE DAY that he is Loved, Needed, wanted, smart, capable and creative and beautiful. It's hard for me to be a parent b/c I only had one who was always working to provide for us. But I'm honest with my son. I've told him this is my first time being a parent
Absolutely heartbreaking- we NEED to do better- they deserve the best lives
This post is heartbreaking, I agree, but she is showing to the world things her patients told her in confidence. I'd be pissed if I saw my therapist using my traumas to get her 15 minutes of fame
it's anonymous, trying to show people what children are saying. it's not about fame.
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At least a 3rd of those are b******t. The ages absolutely do not match the way those kids supposedly expressed themselves. 2/3rds however I can believe are near enough true... and that's sad.
I doubt kids said it that way, but it was the message that the therpist picked up. I'm not sure if it says anywhere that these are quotes.
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As the mom of an amazing, intelligent, empathetic, creative adult daughter, I wanted to cry reading these notes. Why are you having kids if you don't want to spend time with them, teach them, love them, foster their interests, etc.? I promise that if you do, you'll have a friend for life. Yes, my daughter is still my child, but she's not *a* child...and she is my dear friend. Every single day, I'm incredibly proud of the person she has become. I'm so sorry that some of you have experienced this heartbreak.
I couldn't bring myself to upvote any of these. Thank you for sharing. Every single one of these just breaks my heart. Not everyone should be a parent. I just pray these kids get away from all that toxicity as soon as they can. Hopefully they find someone that shows them there self worth and don't repeat the cycle. Break the cycle kids. That's what I was always told by my adolescent counselor. Break the cycle!
I feel these so much because I know my daughter feels these things, I just don't know how to fix it
I am so glad I do not have these kinds of parents. I can only imagine what it must be like to be yelled at for every small thing.
The older I get, the more I appreciate what my Mom and Grandma have done for me. Things haven't always been perfect between us, I made mistakes, they made mistakes, but never in my life have I ever felt neglected, unimportant or unneeded. So let's appreciate all the good, kind and caring people we have in our life and never take them for granted!
Load More Replies... Another big problem is accepting neurodivergency but not understanding how it works and not being compassionate enough. My dad understands I have autism but he doesn't get that I get upset and frustrated bc that's the way it works, I always get told to stop crying bc I'm a teenager now and don't need to throw tantrums. I'm throwing that tantrum bc I was stressed and you shouted at me for expressing my feelings in a normal way, which upset me.
It is things like this that help me to realize that communication is key and to treat your children better than you were treated and to put them first. That's just me. Not saying it applies to anybody else.
I couldn't read all of these. Too many hit too close to home and I'm crying now. I'm 68 years old and sometimes, things stick with you.
The worst thing is, when my mom just texts me "I love you" Out of nowhere I think something bad happened
As a child reading this, I can relate. All of the parents on here say: "I wanna help my son! Oh I have children and i don't do this to them!" Why don't you spend your time helping your kids instead of just commenting on the way others treat their kids! ITS SIMPLE!
You know what the worst part is? I relate to every part of this post
Wow. Single mum to 4 kids. It's made me realise I need to be more present. Going on. Phone ban other than emergencies. No games or messaging. Play with them more and spend quality time.
This is just horrible. My mom always wonders why I'm on my computer, but maybe if she paid attention to how I am, she'd know. I'm always on here, just looking away for things to make me feel happy. But no, just no. I can't do that while she's in the room or with me, because she makes it about her. And it's not!
I used to sort of joke saying that if my daughter ever put her phone down, nobody would recognize her.
Proof that not everyone should have kids. Having a kid doesn't make you a parent, being good to your kids does. Kids are smart, stop treating them like they're dumb.
I used to kind of joke how nobody would be able to recognize my youngest if she put her phone down. For context, this was after she graduated high school and moved out.
Once again for the ones up the back: Just because you can breed, it doesn't mean you should. Biological functionality is not a reason to create a person.
Teachers should this to the parents of their students. Lessons on how to improve communication and letting child know how they feel when they are ignored.
When my (adoptive) parents were still together, my family was happy and I didn’t have any mental problems at all. Then they got divorced, and now I have depression, panic attacks, and severe anxiety. My dad thinks that I have this because of the divorce, but it’s actually because when he’s sad, he gets angry when I’m not, and I have developed emotional insecurity due to this. I’m not lying when I say that I’m fine. By a 14 yo
I am SO glad that I raised my children in the 80s, when cellphones weren't a thing yet. We actually communicated with each other.
I’m child free and have always been that way because I know that I would be a terrible parent and I will not subject myself on to a defenceless child. I’m a good uncle and love my niece and nephews but I’m never going to be the sort of person that can raise a healthy child and I would hate myself if I had a child that ever felt like these children do even though I don’t know what I would do to stop it. It’s better for everyone that I’m not a parent
all of these are so painful. i feel so bad for those kids. i'm not a parent yet, but i will be, and i won't be like those parents. If i ever meet one of those selfish parents, i will say, "You and I are going to have a LITTLE TALK."
Extremely worthwhile article. Need more like this. Amazing how the smart phone is taking parents attention away from children.
Very worthwhile aricle. Need more articles like this. Amazing how many issues deal with 'smart phones ' and computers.
My parents work over eight hours a day. They have not played with me since I was close to five or six.
It seems to me that most of the kids here are single children. When I was a kid we wanted to get away from our parents!
YOU made the decision to bring them into a family by having unprotected or voluntary sex (and you knew what makes babies) so you asked for responsibility for a baby and chil who is dependent on you for all needs: food, shelter, clothing,, medical, social, emotional etc. If you don't think you can (and want to) do it, use birth control!!
If you're a teenager relating to a bunch of this, & wondering how you'll get out, save your money. If you have a savings account, do your best to add to it & refrain from spending. Let it accrue interest. When you turn 18, look into something called a certificate of deposit, which has a higher yield, but you agree to not dip into it for a year or more. You might need $500-$1000 to get started. Ask about it at your local credit union. Granted, this is mostly for teens in the US, but if you're not, there may be something similar you can do in your country. It won't be a ton of money, but can help you get out when you're ready.
My sister found me sobbing as I was reading this post because I related to so many of these. Hope these children get the love they deserve ❤️.
I know a couple that really need to see this - but they won't. We already had this talk with them and they still won't change because in their eyes they're not doing anything wrong. It's so sad and my heart is breaking for the kids.
Put down the damn phone!! If you have a loved one in the same room as you, get off the phone. There is nothing more important on this stupid electronic device. Trust me.
When I think of a 7-8 year old, I don't really think of them as full sentient beings. They're "just kids." But kids are a lot more aware and insightful than adults give them credit for. I hope these kids still learn to love and care for themselves, despite how their parents treat them.
As much a$$ whippings me and my sis received growing up....seeing every argument, being forced to pick sides etc. Our parents did make time for us and still make us feel loved and important. With all of todays distractions the time outs instead of whoopings....without the 1on1 attention being given currently. I'm thankful my parents made us feel important and loved the most. Our upbringing even with different negative aspects was still better overall than what our youths are going through imho.
I know no one asked for mine, but in reality, I’m hurting much more than I let most people believe. In the future, I want someone/something to end me before either/both of my two diagnoses do it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford even just existing at some point in the future, and the side effects of taking levetiracetam and lamotrigine for my epilepsy don’t always seem worth it.
I don't know your situation, but some medical issues and the situations they create can cause depression. Please talk to your parents, doctor, or therapist. You are not alone.
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Most children, even adults, need not just to be heard but listened to. Adults who experienced a lot of negativity in their early years spread that outwards. That is their current norm. With some added therapy, not just for their kids, can learn meaningful and more over impactful ways of communicating. Or you could try giving them a safe space to express themselves without fear or regret. But, eh, what do I know. I made a few major mistakes of my own so I can’t judge.
I want to hug and hold all these kids and teens (if they're okay with it) ... And then arrange for their parents to have a chat with me and go into therapy. Relax. I just want to talk to them ⚾ bat
In previous generations, I'm sure many children felt similarly but they also had a greater number of siblings, extended family members and friends, so there was more overall support and parents were more in the background as authority figures. In today's tiny bubbles and total control of every moment of their lives by the parents, any misstep by a parent has amplified repercussions.
I know i am inviting downvotes here but as an Indian, i dont relate to either these children or their parents. I had a regular childhood and my parents and i love each other but all of these posts didnt speak to me at all.
Isn't every kid different??? I got "punished" as a kid when I did something I was told not to do or did something I should have known better than to do. I didn't "feel bad" about getting punished. I just remember thinking, "Okay I won't do that again." I learned that every action has consequences. Sometimes unforeseen consequences.
there's a line between punishment and abuse and neglecting them
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I call bullshot on your comment. You can't dictate what someone else says/thinks. These could very well all be true. Feel a little pity
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Wow... found a troll... I refuse to believe that anyone is truly that stupid and out of touch.
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She wrote in a way that people can better understand how they feel.
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So, kids expressing how they feel about themselves and their families is negative? Got it.
Load More Replies... Because no parent has EVER treated their kid like s**t? Come on, Andrew. Get a grip.
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What a disappointing comment. These are children. CHILDREN. A 6/7 year old should not feel neglected or treated like s**t by their parents and the fact that you chose to make such a ridiculous comment on a post like this says a LOT about you.
Load More Replies... Many people say I'm selfish because I don't want children. Now, to have kids and don't give all the love and attention they need, that's selfishness.
I love kids, but I don't want to have any myself. But same, @Cami
Load More Replies... This is sad and reminds us to listen to children/teens more. Most of the comments suggest that the parents take them for granted and/or think that they are too young to understand.
So many mention parents being on their phones all the time. One wonders what will become of children who get scant attention because Dad is texting all the time and Mom is playing Angry Birds.
Load More Replies... I cried in my classroom reading this. I relate to a lot of these. My friends have been saying for a while that stuff I thought was normal, isn’t. This just confirms what they’ve been telling me.
I just reread this with a friend during lunch and I was internally hurting while procrastinating in class.
Load More Replies... The hard part for me as a parent is that I learned from my parents and they weren't the best. I told my seven year old that. I yell too much sometimes and I know it is wrong. I let him know daddy did a wrong thing and that I am trying to unlearn the way I was raised. We are lucky in a sense though. My son gets services because he had a stroke in utero (you can't tell because an infant's brain is pliable and can overcome it). We have a behavioral therapist and I have learned so many positive good ways to parent from the therapist. The therapist even says it is tough to unlearn what your parents taught you about parenting, but the good thing is I realized it and have become a much better parent since. I still have work to do, but everything is getting better.
It speaks volumes about you that you have not only listened to the therapist, but have used that to grow as a parent. I've seen way too many parents who instantly react to whatever a therapist says as criticism and being attacked. You are doing a phenomenal job!
Load More Replies... They are people. Treat them as people, not pets. (My mom on children/teens.)
Why pets deserve less? They are family too, I know you meant well, but please don't indicate that pets deserve less, I have to strongly disagree.
Load More Replies... I once gave advice to a guy at the casino, I know he just didn't want to hear it but I had to. As he was playing slots, his phone rang every 5 minutes, and I heard him say "I'm leaving right now" every single time. I finally asked "who's calling you?". He said his kids. I asked him " how old are they?" And they were pretty young. I told him "I wish I could go back to those days and play with my kids and ask them what's going on in their life". "I am 70 years old and my kids live about 5 hours away. I can drive there without a problem but I can't do it every day. Sometimes I miss them because of that and I can't afford to move closer to them. I just didn't realize when I was younger that we wouldn't see each other as much. ZOOM is not the same as hugging them." He got up and left. A little while later he came back and said he was headed home and that what I said shook him up. I hope so! And I have no kids. I made it up.
I was in a Barnes and Noble parking lot one day and a woman was standing there with her 2 year old in her arms, the child was screaming and crying while the mom chose to stand there and shoot the breeze with a friend of hers. Later that day, I saw a woman gossiping on her phone even while her 9 year old daughter tried to get her attention. My son, 22 and autistic, asked why the kids were upset. I told him because the parents were ignoring them. Now my son is blunt, so when we passed by the little girl and her mom, he stopped and told the little girl "I'm sorry your mom is ignoring you." The woman looked shocked and annoyed, but it had the desired effect because she got off the phone. She gave me the stink eye throughout the store, but I've never been so proud of my son as I was at that moment.
Its a 2year old. They scream when you won't let them do stuff that will literally kill them. They are in the boundary testing stage
Load More Replies... My parents think every wrong thing I do deserves punishment. They take away the car so I can't get to practice, they take away all electronics and T.V, they have a lock on the pantry and they lock it when they are mad so I can't get food out of there. They also lock the treat box and soda fridge. And so many other things. My mom sometimes doesn't talk to me to weeks at a time (like right now) and I am consistently in my room for days (like I am right now) not talking to them, both us of being rude to each other, and I cry every single night, silent crying to the point where I can barely breath, because I know how much they wish they had never had me. My dad is alright but I know my mom truly hates me. I hate it and I feel so sorry for her that I'm in her life but I hate her as well at the same time, its so confusing. I'm 16.
Whitney -- withholding food (not sodas or treats, but real food) is abuse categorized as neglect. Tell your.teacher!
Load More Replies... This felt like a knife in my heart. I realize I'm not doing the best for my children. I try to show them I'm proud of them and they're loved, but I think I need to give them more attention than I do. I don't think I'm a bad parent, but I think I can be better and I will be better.
Hey its Better learned late rather than not all right? Tomorrow is another day and you can always improve ❤️
Load More Replies... "If you don't believe I'm in pain why would you believe me if I said I was being beaten". I said that to my mom not that long ago about what happened in my childhood, I had horrible headaches since around 3yo and I knew back then she didn't believe it. When I was 6 and my grandmother started beating me she said if I told no one would believe and the memory of my mom not believing my headaches confirmed that for me, so I never told any of the horrible stuff that happened to me to anyone and took it all alone. I'm still heavily hurt and incapacitated by a mix of my trauma and my late diagnosed diseases.
I'm so sorry that you had to experience such disregard from your mother and especially the trauma from your grandmother 🙏 I wish you all the support you need to heal from all of it 💜
Load More Replies... I related to too many of these. I think I might need a therapist as well
Well, I've saved this page and I'm going to re read periodically. I think I'm a doing ok parent but there's always room for improvements and learning and this list will help me remember how NOT to parent. Each and every one of these broke my heart x
My parents treated me like this. Then they complained about how I was tired all the time, and never interacted with anyone. Please, before you have kids, be honest with yourself. Will you be able to give them the love and attention that they deserve?
I wanted children, but had miscarriages instead, plus can’t afford adoption. Having grown up in a bad home environment myself, I definitely learned what NOT to do. Yet, so many people who could and did have children don’t even act like they wanted them. Tell you what, instead of abusing and/or neglecting your children, just bring them to my house. You can ring my doorbell and run if you’re that much of a coward (and it’s pretty much a sure bet you are a coward), but leave your kids on my front steps. Believe me, they’ll be better off with me, someone who actually wants them and will be good to them, than they ever could be with you. (In other words, either don’t have kids in the first place, or at least find someone who would be a much better parent than you are, and have them raise your kids—-so much better for everyone all around than you keeping, abusing/neglecting, and therefore totally f*****g up, your kids. Admit you can’t do it, and find someone who can step up to the plate and be great at it.)
I wish you big hugs! What about fostering kids? Is that an option?
Load More Replies... Okay but.. isn't that info like confidential? Yeah she did not say their names or anything but still.. if I went to a therapist I wouldn't want her to talk about stuff I said to them with someone else (unless they're also professionals in that area)
On the one hand, I get your point. But on the other... as long as reading what I told my therapist might make people think "oh, I'm not the only one going though that, kinda makes me feel just a little bit better" or "I probably should think about going to therapy too" or "oh, I do that too and apparently it might hurt people, didn't know that, will stop doing that", then please, dear therapist, by all means tell what I told you to as many people as possible. I was hurt and I know how much it hurts and I don't want any more people to get hurt like this.
Load More Replies... This is really sad, but I related to lots of this without knowing until I read it
I struggled horrendously with 'executive function' skills all the way through school despite being 'smart.' As an adult looking back at this, I'm pretty sure I'm either on the spectrum or ADD; never actually diagnosed, despite seeing a specialist who told my parents in front of me that I was probably on the spectrum. It's like after they found out I didn't have ADHD, they just gave up and decided it was all intentional. The screaming and punishment did not make me more motivated or more organized. It made me a better sneak and liar, and left me with a permanent fear of my mother.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry for you! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 even though I love my parents i have to deal with my dad not understanding how my autism works and gets angry at me for crying because I'm 'a teenager and should try harder to regulate my emotions normally bc tantrums are for toddlers', which makes me cry harder. I love him dearly and I wouldn't trade him up for any other dad but I wish he'd try harder to understand sometimes
Load More Replies... I’m just sick to my stomach, which is how I felt most of my childhood. I don’t have kids. I’ve never had a “mom” instinct. I wish I could hug every one of those kids, take them out somewhere and just listen and give them some freedom and joy. “What would YOU like to go do?” Then go do it to the max. But then I’d have to return every single one of them to all I just read. 😔😔😔
I mean wishing you could hug those kids to make them feel better is definitely a maternal instinct if that makes you feel better. Doesn't have to be your own kids to be mom instinct:)
Load More Replies... These post its are sad and some of them, I am shocked to hear due to their age. However, I believe the younger generation/kids are getting smarter these days. Now, that being said, there are 2 sides to every story. We aren't knowing what is going on with the parents. Kids feel this way all the time, even if it was a perfect household. " The Brady Bunch" household doesn't exsist at all these days. Those times never have existed even back in the gold old days too. The good thing to know, is that these times when these kids feel this way, will pass in due time. Depending on the age, they will go through all different types of emotions. If they don't have these emotions, then that is when we should get worried. I'm not saying that their feelings aren't real or they are invalid, but parents go through a lot too with the different stages of their kids lives. I am a parent myself and I have a 19 year old and a 9.5 year old and I tell you what, they are so different from each other and my younger child's emotions are different than what my older child's emotions was at the same age but we raised them the same.
One thing that parents have to understand is that teenagers rebel. It's a NECESSARY part of growing up. We want them to be independent ... but then crush them when they deviate in the slightest from what WE want them to do and be. Kids will go through a time when they will rebel against everything their parents stand for. It's a re-evaluation process as they move from being a child under their parents' control to an adult who has to think and act for themselves. It's a natural part of identifying and defining themselves as an individual, and figuring out what their motivations, goals and foundations are. Most of these kids will actually fall back pretty close to their parents. But at the same time, this rebellion is a kind of social evolution that allows each generation to modify behavior and thinking to adapt to changing circumstances. A lot of good leaders were rebels as kids.
I wasn’t ready to cry over this, I wasn’t ready to feel these on a personal level (I’m 16)
This break my heart like a hammer and glass im so sorry for them😭😭
I can’t even cry reading these bc my mom is in the room with me while I’m reading and my heart is broken for all of these kids
i relate to all of this because when my friends asked me if I was ok when I was emotionally abused, I always lied and said I was fine even though I was hurting horribly because my parents stopped paying for therapy. I didn't know how to confess.
This saddens me more than I can put into words. I could see myself in so many of these. Please, listen to your kids. Sometimes even the kid who seems to be the happiest kid around, always wearing a smile on their lips, sometimes that kid is the most lonely and saddest of them all. I can't have kids, so if you have them, please check what you're doing and make sure they know you love them no matter what.
Even adults want to feel loved by their parents. My mom left when I was 12. Fast forward 35 years and I brought my elderly mother to live with me. I was hoping to have a relationship with her, get to know her, feel what it's like to have a mother. Turns out she didn't like me.
i second this. at 28 I'm just now getting over my mother's failure to be a mother. now i don't need her, but i still want a relationship. the thing is that she'll never be my mother in anything more than blood. if we have a relationship, it'll be with the same closeness i have with my distant aunts.
Load More Replies... Where did this come from? No need for the downvotes. I'm genuinely curious as to where you might've come to this conclusion after reading this post. Was it in the article?
Load More Replies... I left the father of my children because all we did was fight. 20 yrs later tgey still blame me. I keep telling them that I felt tge fighting would set a bad example for them. I wanted tgem to see a loving family but they still blame me.. there is no winning
I know an upvote won't ease the pain, but have mine 🖤
Load More Replies... It's ridiculous how SOME women like having children because they feel they get a lot of attention when they're pregnant. Really? Such a want or need for attention?, that you bring a new life into this world plus your life changes forever.
I know someone like this and the older kids are treated like janitors. Its b******t and upsets me greatly
Load More Replies... There is such a lack of context in some of these: taking one thought without any knowledge of how, when, where, frequency etc. is not the ‘truth’. Some of these could be temporary situations. Further, they are clearly interpreted words paraphrased by an adult, particularly those of the very young children. While it’s no doubt true these children are going through something negative, it is not clear at all what real context they are in. Yes, it’s a wake up call to parents, but it’s also inaccurately presented.
As someone working in primary education and dealing with children with problems I am dubious of some of these answers. A lot of the answers use words and phrase sentences that a child of that age would not. Unless she has reinterpreted what was said to her.
I love kids but there should be line that they should not cross. Let them make mistakes, we all do even now. But some of them may be really harmful. Listen to the kids and make them understand why the 'NO' is all about.
Yes alot can be solved when they know why you say no.
Load More Replies... Whoever is downvoting every single comment under this, please stop, people are opening themselves up and trying to help each other and being supportive, this is helpful and I appreciate this community, don’t downvote posts you disagree with, unless it is genuinely harmful, this is all good stuff, a downvote is not a disagreement, it is a ban
This whole post broke my heart. I recognized myself in a lot of these... evern at those young ages... some people don't deserve to be parents.
Currently on a positive mental health journey with my 14yo. Its an uphill battle daily but this I was good! I need to listen more and spend more quality time with him before it’s too late
As a forgotten and unloved child by an entire family, while my other two siblings had relationships with the entire family. It still sucks. I feel these words to my core. I tell my son EVERY SINGLE DAY that he is Loved, Needed, wanted, smart, capable and creative and beautiful. It's hard for me to be a parent b/c I only had one who was always working to provide for us. But I'm honest with my son. I've told him this is my first time being a parent
Absolutely heartbreaking- we NEED to do better- they deserve the best lives
This post is heartbreaking, I agree, but she is showing to the world things her patients told her in confidence. I'd be pissed if I saw my therapist using my traumas to get her 15 minutes of fame
it's anonymous, trying to show people what children are saying. it's not about fame.
Load More Replies... At least a 3rd of those are b******t. The ages absolutely do not match the way those kids supposedly expressed themselves. 2/3rds however I can believe are near enough true... and that's sad.
I doubt kids said it that way, but it was the message that the therpist picked up. I'm not sure if it says anywhere that these are quotes.
Load More Replies... As the mom of an amazing, intelligent, empathetic, creative adult daughter, I wanted to cry reading these notes. Why are you having kids if you don't want to spend time with them, teach them, love them, foster their interests, etc.? I promise that if you do, you'll have a friend for life. Yes, my daughter is still my child, but she's not *a* child...and she is my dear friend. Every single day, I'm incredibly proud of the person she has become. I'm so sorry that some of you have experienced this heartbreak.
I couldn't bring myself to upvote any of these. Thank you for sharing. Every single one of these just breaks my heart. Not everyone should be a parent. I just pray these kids get away from all that toxicity as soon as they can. Hopefully they find someone that shows them there self worth and don't repeat the cycle. Break the cycle kids. That's what I was always told by my adolescent counselor. Break the cycle!
I feel these so much because I know my daughter feels these things, I just don't know how to fix it
I am so glad I do not have these kinds of parents. I can only imagine what it must be like to be yelled at for every small thing.
The older I get, the more I appreciate what my Mom and Grandma have done for me. Things haven't always been perfect between us, I made mistakes, they made mistakes, but never in my life have I ever felt neglected, unimportant or unneeded. So let's appreciate all the good, kind and caring people we have in our life and never take them for granted!
Load More Replies... Another big problem is accepting neurodivergency but not understanding how it works and not being compassionate enough. My dad understands I have autism but he doesn't get that I get upset and frustrated bc that's the way it works, I always get told to stop crying bc I'm a teenager now and don't need to throw tantrums. I'm throwing that tantrum bc I was stressed and you shouted at me for expressing my feelings in a normal way, which upset me.
It is things like this that help me to realize that communication is key and to treat your children better than you were treated and to put them first. That's just me. Not saying it applies to anybody else.
I couldn't read all of these. Too many hit too close to home and I'm crying now. I'm 68 years old and sometimes, things stick with you.
The worst thing is, when my mom just texts me "I love you" Out of nowhere I think something bad happened
As a child reading this, I can relate. All of the parents on here say: "I wanna help my son! Oh I have children and i don't do this to them!" Why don't you spend your time helping your kids instead of just commenting on the way others treat their kids! ITS SIMPLE!
You know what the worst part is? I relate to every part of this post
Wow. Single mum to 4 kids. It's made me realise I need to be more present. Going on. Phone ban other than emergencies. No games or messaging. Play with them more and spend quality time.
This is just horrible. My mom always wonders why I'm on my computer, but maybe if she paid attention to how I am, she'd know. I'm always on here, just looking away for things to make me feel happy. But no, just no. I can't do that while she's in the room or with me, because she makes it about her. And it's not!
I used to sort of joke saying that if my daughter ever put her phone down, nobody would recognize her.
Proof that not everyone should have kids. Having a kid doesn't make you a parent, being good to your kids does. Kids are smart, stop treating them like they're dumb.
I used to kind of joke how nobody would be able to recognize my youngest if she put her phone down. For context, this was after she graduated high school and moved out.
Once again for the ones up the back: Just because you can breed, it doesn't mean you should. Biological functionality is not a reason to create a person.
Teachers should this to the parents of their students. Lessons on how to improve communication and letting child know how they feel when they are ignored.
When my (adoptive) parents were still together, my family was happy and I didn’t have any mental problems at all. Then they got divorced, and now I have depression, panic attacks, and severe anxiety. My dad thinks that I have this because of the divorce, but it’s actually because when he’s sad, he gets angry when I’m not, and I have developed emotional insecurity due to this. I’m not lying when I say that I’m fine. By a 14 yo
I am SO glad that I raised my children in the 80s, when cellphones weren't a thing yet. We actually communicated with each other.
I’m child free and have always been that way because I know that I would be a terrible parent and I will not subject myself on to a defenceless child. I’m a good uncle and love my niece and nephews but I’m never going to be the sort of person that can raise a healthy child and I would hate myself if I had a child that ever felt like these children do even though I don’t know what I would do to stop it. It’s better for everyone that I’m not a parent
all of these are so painful. i feel so bad for those kids. i'm not a parent yet, but i will be, and i won't be like those parents. If i ever meet one of those selfish parents, i will say, "You and I are going to have a LITTLE TALK."
Extremely worthwhile article. Need more like this. Amazing how the smart phone is taking parents attention away from children.
Very worthwhile aricle. Need more articles like this. Amazing how many issues deal with 'smart phones ' and computers.
My parents work over eight hours a day. They have not played with me since I was close to five or six.
It seems to me that most of the kids here are single children. When I was a kid we wanted to get away from our parents!
YOU made the decision to bring them into a family by having unprotected or voluntary sex (and you knew what makes babies) so you asked for responsibility for a baby and chil who is dependent on you for all needs: food, shelter, clothing,, medical, social, emotional etc. If you don't think you can (and want to) do it, use birth control!!
If you're a teenager relating to a bunch of this, & wondering how you'll get out, save your money. If you have a savings account, do your best to add to it & refrain from spending. Let it accrue interest. When you turn 18, look into something called a certificate of deposit, which has a higher yield, but you agree to not dip into it for a year or more. You might need $500-$1000 to get started. Ask about it at your local credit union. Granted, this is mostly for teens in the US, but if you're not, there may be something similar you can do in your country. It won't be a ton of money, but can help you get out when you're ready.
My sister found me sobbing as I was reading this post because I related to so many of these. Hope these children get the love they deserve ❤️.
I know a couple that really need to see this - but they won't. We already had this talk with them and they still won't change because in their eyes they're not doing anything wrong. It's so sad and my heart is breaking for the kids.
Put down the damn phone!! If you have a loved one in the same room as you, get off the phone. There is nothing more important on this stupid electronic device. Trust me.
When I think of a 7-8 year old, I don't really think of them as full sentient beings. They're "just kids." But kids are a lot more aware and insightful than adults give them credit for. I hope these kids still learn to love and care for themselves, despite how their parents treat them.
As much a$$ whippings me and my sis received growing up....seeing every argument, being forced to pick sides etc. Our parents did make time for us and still make us feel loved and important. With all of todays distractions the time outs instead of whoopings....without the 1on1 attention being given currently. I'm thankful my parents made us feel important and loved the most. Our upbringing even with different negative aspects was still better overall than what our youths are going through imho.
I know no one asked for mine, but in reality, I’m hurting much more than I let most people believe. In the future, I want someone/something to end me before either/both of my two diagnoses do it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford even just existing at some point in the future, and the side effects of taking levetiracetam and lamotrigine for my epilepsy don’t always seem worth it.
I don't know your situation, but some medical issues and the situations they create can cause depression. Please talk to your parents, doctor, or therapist. You are not alone.
Load More Replies... Most children, even adults, need not just to be heard but listened to. Adults who experienced a lot of negativity in their early years spread that outwards. That is their current norm. With some added therapy, not just for their kids, can learn meaningful and more over impactful ways of communicating. Or you could try giving them a safe space to express themselves without fear or regret. But, eh, what do I know. I made a few major mistakes of my own so I can’t judge.
I want to hug and hold all these kids and teens (if they're okay with it) ... And then arrange for their parents to have a chat with me and go into therapy. Relax. I just want to talk to them ⚾ bat
In previous generations, I'm sure many children felt similarly but they also had a greater number of siblings, extended family members and friends, so there was more overall support and parents were more in the background as authority figures. In today's tiny bubbles and total control of every moment of their lives by the parents, any misstep by a parent has amplified repercussions.
I know i am inviting downvotes here but as an Indian, i dont relate to either these children or their parents. I had a regular childhood and my parents and i love each other but all of these posts didnt speak to me at all.
Isn't every kid different??? I got "punished" as a kid when I did something I was told not to do or did something I should have known better than to do. I didn't "feel bad" about getting punished. I just remember thinking, "Okay I won't do that again." I learned that every action has consequences. Sometimes unforeseen consequences.
there's a line between punishment and abuse and neglecting them
Load More Replies... I call bullshot on your comment. You can't dictate what someone else says/thinks. These could very well all be true. Feel a little pity
Load More Replies... Wow... found a troll... I refuse to believe that anyone is truly that stupid and out of touch.
Load More Replies... She wrote in a way that people can better understand how they feel.
Load More Replies... So, kids expressing how they feel about themselves and their families is negative? Got it.
Load More Replies... Because no parent has EVER treated their kid like s**t? Come on, Andrew. Get a grip.
Load More Replies... What a disappointing comment. These are children. CHILDREN. A 6/7 year old should not feel neglected or treated like s**t by their parents and the fact that you chose to make such a ridiculous comment on a post like this says a LOT about you.
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