Ever wondered how to call someone stupid in a smart way so that you don’t step on any toes? We’ve all been there, faced with moments where roasting someone’s intellect seems like the only plausible response. But let’s be honest, calling someone outright stupid won’t make you the life of the party.
What you need are some intelligent insults—the smart way to suggest someone might need an intellectual boost. We’re not advocating for mean-spiritedness, but some situations demand hilarious comebacks and great insults. But make sure to balance your fancy insults with wit and charm so they don’t cause any emotional bruises.
A Reddit user u/lientubay asked the world, “What’s the best euphemism for telling people that they’re stupid?” Over 60,000 people had apparently pondered the same question, and the thread skyrocketed. People from all around the world shared various ways of how to insult someone politely by using both modern ingenuity and old folk proverbs.
So finally, instead of awkwardly using the same insult over and over again, like “so is your face,” you’ll have a list of things to say when encountering a stupid person. What a tough world for us—intelligent people—this is. Thanks for making our life bearable, Reddit!
Now, scroll down below to learn how to tell someone they’re dumb in a smart way. Got any intelligent insults of your own? Share them with us in the comments.
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In russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster".
I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong
Sharp as a marble, that one.
My Grandad used this all the time (fortunately not to me, well not to my face anyway)
What Are Some Idioms for Calling Someone Dumb?
Every once in a while, someone has a less-than-genius moment. These idioms are designed for those times when you want to nudge someone’s intellect with a wink rather than calling them “dumb” and hurting their feelings.
There are several playful expressions around the world that people often use as funny ways to call someone stupid. Hence, if you’re seeking fancy ways to call someone dumb, here are some of our favorites:
- Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
- A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
- The elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.
- One sandwich short of a picnic.
- A few cards short of a full deck.
- All foam, no beer.
However, there are more fancy words and ‘nicer’ ways to say stupid:
- Dunderheaded
- Anserine
- Addlepated
- Blinkard
- Obtuse
- Nescient
And, of course, let’s not forget the word ‘unintelligent,’ which might be the only politically correct word for stupid! These intelligent insults will let you question someone’s brainpower without ruffling feathers. But make sure to use them only with friends who appreciate a bit of humor.
One of my personal favorites:
"They only got two brain cells and both of them are fighting for third place."
What on earth is this image? It looks like Giger designed a dessert.
It’s probably a cow brain, which people sometimes eat.
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Ive heard "he only has two brain cells and they are desperatly looking for each other."
I just said this to my sister and she said "huh? They'd both be fighting for 1st and one would get 2nd.."
You can only hope that genetics doesn't run strong in your family...
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I'm partial to "The porch light is on, but no one is home" or "The butter done slipped off his biscuit".
I heard a quite similar sexist joke which said 'his two brain cells lost themselves downstairs'. The one in the example is better.
whenever someone explains how many houses they have i respond with- oh so a house for each braincell how cute
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Ahh yes, “it’s better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt”. A classic.
How Do You Tell Someone Off in a Classy Way?
Ok, now let’s look at it from another perspective. What if you are at the receiving end of these insults? This is your time to show that you indeed have a high IQ by giving a sassy retort to someone who insults you.
Instead of going full-blown confrontational, opt for a more refined approach that gets your point across. With the right words, you can crush your opponents with some of the best insults.
To stay classy, highlight their positive qualities before adding your deprecating remark. Or you could ask them to repeat and explain the insult, saying you didn’t understand it. This will encourage reflection.
Remember, timing is everything if you want to appear confident and classy with your clever comebacks. Flip the script of the original comment and watch your opponent turn red. Maintain eye contact, stand tall, and let your body language convey the same confidence as your words.
We leave you with the best insult we’ve ever heard. It’s from the TV show Madmen.
Michael Ginsberg: “I feel sorry for you.”
Don Draper: “I don’t think of you at all.”
Mic drop!
Now, continue scrolling below to brush up on funny ways to call someone stupid.
In Greece we say "when it was raining brains, you had an umbrella"
Now I know what Douglas Adams was talking about.
“A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”
You could hide your own Easter eggs.
I think I saw this one here previously “You aren’t the biggest idiot in the world but you better hope they don’t die”.
It's impossible to underestimate you
Like if they're really dumb, they might not even see this as an insult
You're the reason we have warning labels.
"If you ever had a clever thought, it died alone and afraid."
If you were half as smart as you think you are, you’d be twice as smart as you really are.
A village somewhere is missing their idiot.
He needs to carry a plant to make up for the oxygen he's wasting
I can explain it again, if you'd like, but I can't understand for you.
A variation "I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you" has hung in my office for years :)
"I'm guessing you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling."
-Captain Malcom Reynolds
Saw two coworkers going about a task in the worst way I could imagine. I said "I believe if there was a harder way to do that you two would find it."
They didn't get it.
Once heard someone say "Well he's about as sharp as a sock full of soup".
You could blow in their ear and they would say thanks for the refill.
One of my all time favorites is "More foam than beer".
"At this point, you can only impress me."
"Well pardon me, ma'am but what you don't know could fill a warehouse."
Courtesy of Bart Simpson.
If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.
Useful as a chocolate teapot.
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
On a Canadian jobsite:
Ahh Terry, having you around is like losing three good men.
I had an employee like that once... He was like working with a negative person. I literally had to assign someone else to the same tasks just to have them half-a**ed done. Unfortunately I couldn't let him go due to upper management diallowing it due to a hiring freeze... Thankfully I have moved on and have numerous ways to answer the age old question of why good employees move to greener pastures and why companies fight tooth and nail to keep the dredges.
Bless your heart is a common southern subtle slap.
Your train of thought is a replacement bus service, isn't it?
Not the brightest crayon in the box. There are 2 arabic ones that I abuse.... (اذكى اخواته) smartest of his siblings. )وقت ما وزعو الغباء عدى مرتين When stupidity was distributed, he came back for seconds.... I freaking love them
They would be out of their depth in a parking lot puddle
In French we sometime say "he/she doesn't have electricity at every floor".
"Il / elle n'a pas la lumière à tous les étages". Because, in previous centuries, it was very expensive and only the few first floors usually had running water and electricity, because the higher your haussman apartment was, the cheaper it was. So, it basically means your brain is not functioning, not irrigated... well, you are an idiot.
The lights are on, but no ones in
Lol, so many ways with this one, like the elevator doesn’t go all the way up
lmao I had a teacher that would always say 'keep them guessing, don't open your mouth and prove them right'.
People who would "forget to breathe if their bodies didn't do it for them"
I like letterkennys “you’re just spare parts, aren’t ya bud”.
ROFLMAO I laughed so hard!! I have a younger brother who is a master at any heavy equipment.. I just pictured him with a trainee!!!DAMN
My grampa told me a few times "son you need lemons to make lemonade and you ain't got no lemons". I laugh every time.
Translated: You need brains to think. But you haven't got a brain.
"You're a brick short of a sandwich" or "Are you professional idiot, or just a gifted amateur?"
I've only ever heard "a sandwich short of a picnic" before, but now I'm picturing house bricks making a sandwich!
I wouldn't trust you to sit the right way on the toilet seat!
From Rowan Atkinson Live
About as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
He has different talents.
I like George Carlin's quote : Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
My father used to call stupid people in a large group, “the idiot fringe”.
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My personal fav: I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
If you try to use that on MSN the censors usually flag it as hate speech.
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i know an oldie but a goodie if you're looking for insults, appearance wise; "you're a thief and a murderer; you killed a monkey and stole his face"
Monkeys are intelligent. That‘s an insult to monkeys.
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The New Zealand prime minister once remarked that people who leave NZ for Australia raise the average IQ of both countries...
I’ve often heard something similar in the US when someone moved from one state to another “both states were better off”.
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I like ''Your elevator doesn't quite go all the way to the top, does it?''
In my country we say something similar: is the top floor uninhabited??
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My mom would always say, "Use your head for something besides a hat rack!"
My personal favorite is “I expect nothing from you, and yet you never fail to disappoint me.”
Well my father once told me when I was 12 I did something stupid and he said "you make me f*****g wonder sometimes boy that I should've shot you on the sheets" never knew what that meant until I was a man
"If you leave the country, the national IQ will go up ten points" ----- my mother liked this one in her day.
One of my favourits is a quote from Blackadder the third: "Your brain for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit."
Someone said to me ‘You are smarter than you look’. I replied ‘Are you jealous?’
One of my favourites:- If he had a brain cell it would die of loneliness.
One of my favorites is "She is nuttier then squirrel poo" comes from Harry Potter. in Swedish we say that somone has "Goblins on the atic" or the "light is on but no one is home " you can also say "not the shapes knife in the drawer". A good one for bad drivers are "you don't have all the horses in the stable"
*not the sharpest knife in the drawer*. I like this one!
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, I don't know any other good ones for intelligence, but I once heard someone refer to an unattractive person as having, "a face that takes some getting used to", and I still smile when I think about it.
Heard on Saved By the Bell, "We both know you're as deep as a Frizbee", and I"f the two of you are sharing a brain, at least find one that works!" I don't remember who said these but still funny. Ok, for the Frizbee, I'd say way less deep. And the brain, maybe doubtful.
He must have gone to university for stupidity. It must take a lot of talent to be that thick !
Hello! Can someone tell me how to add to it? (Or if you even can) because I have one whopper of an insult. Shower thoughts, am I right?
You can add yours right here! I look forward to seeing them.
Load More Replies... Reminds me of the brilliant book: never play leapfrog with a unicorn (https://ontheroadbooks.co.za/products/never-play-leapfrog-with-a-unicorn-arthur-goldstuck-and-william-ramwell). So many brilliant insults in that book like: has his solar panels pointed at the moon.
My brother used to say, “If your brains were gas, you wouldn’t have enough sense to drive a pissant’s motorcycle half a lap around a Cheerio.”
a good one from a french humorist: "I am wearing black because I am mourning your brain"
My favorite: If you were any dumber you’d have to watered twice a day.
Scott "Dilbert" Adams once remarked that the world is full of 6 billion idiots. But because they outnumber the rest of us, we don't call them idiots to their face. Instead we say "In-DUH-viduals."
Never argue with an idiot- they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience
My personal favourites are... If your brains were made of chocolate you wouldn't have enough to fill a Smartie (UK)! And You are proof that light is faster than sound. You look bright until you open your mouth. Then there's, So stupid he could not spell A and So dumb he would count his fingers on both hands twice and come up with 11 and 9. Finally, there's: So stupid he has his name written in his underwear, so he does not forget who he is
Also an old one: "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and s**t out a smarter statement than that..."
My favorite comes from the play Cyrano De Bergerac. "These, my dear sir, are things you might have said, had you some tinge of letters or of wit to color your discourse. But wit? Not so, you never had an atom. And of letters, you need but three to write you down: A, S, S. Ass!"
My personal favorite creations: "Not playing with a full deck? If he ever gets a pair, shoot him!" "Flakier than a box of potatoes."
i love these! i'll have to remember them for when people are annoying me
I've always liked the insult "Aspro" Because Aspro (or Asprin if you aren't Australian) is a slow acting dope
Well good sir and/or madam I care not to trade insult with inferior being.
My grandfather used to say "he's just as happy as if he had good sense." I've always liked that one.
Dumber than a bag of hammers, window licker, crayon eater, mouth breather. Just a few off the top of my head I've heard and used.
If a little bit of knowledge is dangerous then you are the most lethal person on the planet.
Some gems from my grandfather: "No grain in the silo" "His dipstick isn't touching his oil"
I always say "such a genius with a j" because this sort of misspelling is very common in my country.
We would always say, "well, bless your little heart!"... trying to be nice.. i think.
There she goes. The body that won't quit, and the brain that won't start.
My favorite; you have a terminal case of cranial rectal insertion.
"If you like, I can write it out in crayon for you. I'll use big letters and little words.
My Momma would always say, “When God was giving out brains, you thought he said trains, and you missed yours.”
When I was younger I thought it was "you're not the brightest tool in the shed" ....... I guess it meant I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed after all...... My big brother used to blow air into one ear and pretend to feel it coming out of the other ear. Siblings are fun *eye roll*
One I've always liked: "He/she could come in second in a one-horse race."
Ive always liked "are you quite sure you're allowed out on your own?"
A bit different in the meaning, but the same kind (heard in a movie) : "he's so annoying that when he leaves, he looks like he's coming back".
I generally say about myself "I have two good brain cells currently fighting for dominance. Spoiler alert...nobody wins." Good times...
He`s not the sharpest pencil in the pencil holder, he has not all of the bats in the bell tower, he has not all of the indians in the canoe, he has not a of the moomins in the moomin walley, he`s not the brightest candle..
In Finland we say: "He doesn't have all Moomins in the valley" (the Moomins is a popular children's book series and Moomins live in Moominvalley), "have bats in the bell tower/attic", "lights are on but nobody's home", "not the sharpest pencil in the case", "only things movimg in his head are eyes", "doesn't have both oars in the boat", "you can't ask him to give with ladle if he's only been given with spoon", "His paddle doesn't quite reach the water" and thousands of variations.
In France, my 2 favorites are "They're not the half of an idiot" and "There's no/They don't have light in every floor". Oh, there's also "Good at nothing, Bad at everything". A classic
(S)he's the poster child for Planned Parenthood. Also, people like that are why they invented birth control.
The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed - Sir Edmund Blackadder
Could t organise a piss up in a brewery, and Couldn't fight they're way out of a wet paper bag.
I like George Carlin's quote : Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
My father used to call stupid people in a large group, “the idiot fringe”.
Load More Replies... My personal fav: I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
If you try to use that on MSN the censors usually flag it as hate speech.
Load More Replies... i know an oldie but a goodie if you're looking for insults, appearance wise; "you're a thief and a murderer; you killed a monkey and stole his face"
Monkeys are intelligent. That‘s an insult to monkeys.
Load More Replies... The New Zealand prime minister once remarked that people who leave NZ for Australia raise the average IQ of both countries...
I’ve often heard something similar in the US when someone moved from one state to another “both states were better off”.
Load More Replies... I like ''Your elevator doesn't quite go all the way to the top, does it?''
In my country we say something similar: is the top floor uninhabited??
Load More Replies... My mom would always say, "Use your head for something besides a hat rack!"
My personal favorite is “I expect nothing from you, and yet you never fail to disappoint me.”
Well my father once told me when I was 12 I did something stupid and he said "you make me f*****g wonder sometimes boy that I should've shot you on the sheets" never knew what that meant until I was a man
"If you leave the country, the national IQ will go up ten points" ----- my mother liked this one in her day.
One of my favourits is a quote from Blackadder the third: "Your brain for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit."
Someone said to me ‘You are smarter than you look’. I replied ‘Are you jealous?’
One of my favourites:- If he had a brain cell it would die of loneliness.
One of my favorites is "She is nuttier then squirrel poo" comes from Harry Potter. in Swedish we say that somone has "Goblins on the atic" or the "light is on but no one is home " you can also say "not the shapes knife in the drawer". A good one for bad drivers are "you don't have all the horses in the stable"
*not the sharpest knife in the drawer*. I like this one!
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, I don't know any other good ones for intelligence, but I once heard someone refer to an unattractive person as having, "a face that takes some getting used to", and I still smile when I think about it.
Heard on Saved By the Bell, "We both know you're as deep as a Frizbee", and I"f the two of you are sharing a brain, at least find one that works!" I don't remember who said these but still funny. Ok, for the Frizbee, I'd say way less deep. And the brain, maybe doubtful.
He must have gone to university for stupidity. It must take a lot of talent to be that thick !
Hello! Can someone tell me how to add to it? (Or if you even can) because I have one whopper of an insult. Shower thoughts, am I right?
You can add yours right here! I look forward to seeing them.
Load More Replies... Reminds me of the brilliant book: never play leapfrog with a unicorn (https://ontheroadbooks.co.za/products/never-play-leapfrog-with-a-unicorn-arthur-goldstuck-and-william-ramwell). So many brilliant insults in that book like: has his solar panels pointed at the moon.
My brother used to say, “If your brains were gas, you wouldn’t have enough sense to drive a pissant’s motorcycle half a lap around a Cheerio.”
a good one from a french humorist: "I am wearing black because I am mourning your brain"
My favorite: If you were any dumber you’d have to watered twice a day.
Scott "Dilbert" Adams once remarked that the world is full of 6 billion idiots. But because they outnumber the rest of us, we don't call them idiots to their face. Instead we say "In-DUH-viduals."
Never argue with an idiot- they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience
My personal favourites are... If your brains were made of chocolate you wouldn't have enough to fill a Smartie (UK)! And You are proof that light is faster than sound. You look bright until you open your mouth. Then there's, So stupid he could not spell A and So dumb he would count his fingers on both hands twice and come up with 11 and 9. Finally, there's: So stupid he has his name written in his underwear, so he does not forget who he is
Also an old one: "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and s**t out a smarter statement than that..."
My favorite comes from the play Cyrano De Bergerac. "These, my dear sir, are things you might have said, had you some tinge of letters or of wit to color your discourse. But wit? Not so, you never had an atom. And of letters, you need but three to write you down: A, S, S. Ass!"
My personal favorite creations: "Not playing with a full deck? If he ever gets a pair, shoot him!" "Flakier than a box of potatoes."
i love these! i'll have to remember them for when people are annoying me
I've always liked the insult "Aspro" Because Aspro (or Asprin if you aren't Australian) is a slow acting dope
Well good sir and/or madam I care not to trade insult with inferior being.
My grandfather used to say "he's just as happy as if he had good sense." I've always liked that one.
Dumber than a bag of hammers, window licker, crayon eater, mouth breather. Just a few off the top of my head I've heard and used.
If a little bit of knowledge is dangerous then you are the most lethal person on the planet.
Some gems from my grandfather: "No grain in the silo" "His dipstick isn't touching his oil"
I always say "such a genius with a j" because this sort of misspelling is very common in my country.
We would always say, "well, bless your little heart!"... trying to be nice.. i think.
There she goes. The body that won't quit, and the brain that won't start.
My favorite; you have a terminal case of cranial rectal insertion.
"If you like, I can write it out in crayon for you. I'll use big letters and little words.
My Momma would always say, “When God was giving out brains, you thought he said trains, and you missed yours.”
When I was younger I thought it was "you're not the brightest tool in the shed" ....... I guess it meant I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed after all...... My big brother used to blow air into one ear and pretend to feel it coming out of the other ear. Siblings are fun *eye roll*
One I've always liked: "He/she could come in second in a one-horse race."
Ive always liked "are you quite sure you're allowed out on your own?"
A bit different in the meaning, but the same kind (heard in a movie) : "he's so annoying that when he leaves, he looks like he's coming back".
I generally say about myself "I have two good brain cells currently fighting for dominance. Spoiler alert...nobody wins." Good times...
He`s not the sharpest pencil in the pencil holder, he has not all of the bats in the bell tower, he has not all of the indians in the canoe, he has not a of the moomins in the moomin walley, he`s not the brightest candle..
In Finland we say: "He doesn't have all Moomins in the valley" (the Moomins is a popular children's book series and Moomins live in Moominvalley), "have bats in the bell tower/attic", "lights are on but nobody's home", "not the sharpest pencil in the case", "only things movimg in his head are eyes", "doesn't have both oars in the boat", "you can't ask him to give with ladle if he's only been given with spoon", "His paddle doesn't quite reach the water" and thousands of variations.
In France, my 2 favorites are "They're not the half of an idiot" and "There's no/They don't have light in every floor". Oh, there's also "Good at nothing, Bad at everything". A classic
(S)he's the poster child for Planned Parenthood. Also, people like that are why they invented birth control.
The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed - Sir Edmund Blackadder
Could t organise a piss up in a brewery, and Couldn't fight they're way out of a wet paper bag.
