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People Cannot Stop Posting Corona Jokes And Here Are 35 Of The Best Ones This Week (New Pics)
Everyone is involved in a viral experiment these days. The goal is to find out whether laughter is the best medicine for the coronapocalypse, or whether a meme a day can keep the quarantine blues away. And people do what it says.
But there are no rules when it comes to modern internet humor, except that it has to make you cringe, lol, or die laughing. In fact, the crying laughing emoji has reportedly been the most used one on social media in the past few months. A coincidence? Doubt it.
From absurdist millennial puns-intended to apocalyptic parody memes, Bored Panda has collected the best weekly corona jokes. And for those who just jumped onto the bandwagon, check out our previous compilations: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, and part 7.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
For all y’all, lead sounds like read, and lead sounds like read, and data is pronounced data not data
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Sel Bonda 5 years ago
This is from RISSIE: Dense is still meant as something that is packed close together. It's also said that someone is a thick idiot. So there's something about being very sure of yourself when you're actually very wrong that makes us want to call a person dense or thick. The stupidity is just very condensed in people like that :) Hope you got it.
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RELATED:
#2
#3
K. 5 years ago
I don’t even know how they can get away with such greed. Corporate bailouts don’t save you from eviction, illness, or starvation. They can scream for the best parts of capitalism, and flock for shelter under socialism whenever it benefits them.
Don Flynn 5 years ago
remember that it's only socialism when it helps the little guy...
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Johnnee 5 years ago
The money is not "lying around". It's taken from future generations. Debt they'll have to pay off at some point.
Bill Johnson 5 years ago
Every responsible parent does make sure their children have lunch? Not getting your point here? Or is “responsible” the problem?
Jamie S. Martindale 5 years ago
USA has been more and more a corporatocracy since 1980 at least
Dian Williams 5 years ago
If all the corporations go bankrupt and fire all the workers, would that be better?
As we’re well into the crisis now, the jokes and memes are getting more twisted. Dark coronavirus humor is often funnier and somehow resonates better with people.
Interestingly, a taste for black humor could be an indicator of greater intelligence levels, according to this study published in Cognitive Processing. The psychologist Ulrike Willinger led an experiment which showed that participants who appreciated darker jokes expressed less aggression than those with a conventional sense of humor. Plus, the former group was found to have higher levels in verbal and nonverbal intelligence.
#4
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
So true. Even though where I live we have had zero cases for the past 2 days, I will still be waiting at LEAST 2-4 weeks before I send my kids back to school.
Carol Emory 5 years ago
Someone else likened it to "you're falling rapidly, so you deploy a parachute...you're not all the way to the ground..but you've slowed down..so you think this is a good time to take off the parachute....."
Richard Brown 5 years ago
Also a bit like cutting back on the fire service because there have been a lot less fires lately
AnnieLaurie Burke 5 years ago
Or, as another wag put it, "Well, the parachute has slowed our descent to a resonable level, so we can take it off now."
Rocky Rigby 5 years ago
Kinda like taking off your parachute half way down because your fall has slowed down.
Tricia Wright 5 years ago
I’ve seen a better one that says “The curve is flattening; we can ease restrictions now = the parachute has slowed our rate of descent; we can take it off now”
Evripidou Maria 5 years ago
where I live we are down to single digit number of cases each day and still we are considering SLOWLY opening the market in may. First construction etc, then if things go well in mid may small businesses that dont have lot of customers etc.
#5
K. 5 years ago (edited)
And deceptive. Wait for the surges when patients barely recovering are out in public with everyone else, mixed with the recent protestors. I think I know what you meant. Just making a comment on people who want to reverse any progress others have valiantly fought to make.
Load More Replies... Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
If only cities would post the most current COVID 19 statistics on billboards for the "curve jumpers" to see as they're all running to their next get together. Not everything. Just the real important numbers.
arthur lindsay coker 5 years ago
stupidity is still rising; it will not go down until there are changes at the top
#6
fainasKeturatis 5 years ago
no, that's paper. Probably more useful than any gem right now.
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Mary Elizabeth Jones 5 years ago
Do some of the covid19 symptoms involve the digestive system? Like say... diarrhea?
Mary Elizabeth Jones 5 years ago
IT ISNT FOOD POISONING, WHICH CAUSES YOU TO CAMP OUT IN YOUR BATHROOM.LITERALLY!!!
Load More Replies...Meanwhile, comedian Ken Cheng believes that joking about any risqué topic within comedy elicits the same answer. “Which is, that it depends,” Ken wrote in an opinion piece for Metro. But he doesn’t see anything wrong with talking about the current crisis in a humorous way. “Of course there will be some camps who think no serious topic should be made fun of, that even mentioning coronavirus in a humorous context is making light of a tragic situation,” but he added, “I don’t subscribe to this.” If humor is used skillfully, it can bring shelter to whatever the situation would be while still understanding its severity.
#7
Monday 5 years ago (edited)
There's a miniseries for those allergic to reading too, but it isn't as good as the book.
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#8
evelien 5 years ago
me toooooo ! Could use more of this - and people are more quiet + no one bringing their kids to the shops (because we have a rule here only one customer can go in ...) #introvertfromBelgium
Kathy Baylis 5 years ago
Oh yes! The lack of brats running around, not looking where they’re going, sticky little fingers on everything. (Before you get your hackles up, I’m talking about brats, not well-behaved children who know how to act in public.)
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Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
I love wearing masks everywhere. Nobody tells me to smile and I don't have to stop myself from picking my nose in public.
Missy Moo Moo 5 years ago
I love that it's illegal to sneeze on fresh produce. Don't know how many times I've seen that before Coronavirus
Rebecca McManus 5 years ago
Me too; I am loving the fact that people don't crowd me anymore #veryshortfemale
annibell way 5 years ago
Yet somehow there are still people leaving frozen goods in the bread aisle.
Kristi Van Vuren 5 years ago
Yeah, that would be great.....except for the fact that some people still don’t get it. I guess that goes along with one of the first ones on the list, ‘how dense the population is’?
#9
William Mahoney 5 years ago
Top 1 pay over 47 percent. Bottom 50 percent pay 3 percent 🤷🏼♀️. Why let Truth ruin a good story.?
Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
The take from the rich give the poor doesn't work when politicians' campaigns are being funded by billionaires. In order to change the balance of Congress so that the economy can be somewhat equalized for the middle & lower class is for the people to stop being passive participants in what's really going on in government. Start becoming involved in local & Fed gov& in elections, campaigning, over registration, getting people to vote, getting to the polling places. Make America strong the American way - not with bull9 & intimidation.
Id row 5 years ago
Those private jets, mansions and private islands don't buy themselves, you know. No one thinks about the billionaires in times of crisis, it's really unfair. Some billionaires have actually compared their problems to the persecution of Jews in Nazi Germany (https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/10598265/Silicon-Valley-billionaire-compares-treatment-of-Americas-rich-to-Nazi-persecution-of-Jews.html) They are true narcissistic sociopaths. I absolutely agree with the 70% tax rate another commenter made.
Naomi Coenradie 5 years ago
What makes you say that the people who earn less don't work just as hard for it? Like nurses, etc. I think they work harder than a lot of celebrities, business men, etc. while getting less perks out of their jobs.
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Podunkus 5 years ago
That’s me as well, except I use a napkin at the dinner table.
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Sue Sanders 5 years ago
You got that right, little guy. Hope to see ya on the outside in a few months.
#11
Sue Hazlewood 5 years ago
I just choked on this one, and I wasn't even drinking or eating. Hilarious
#12
Chris Jones 5 years ago
Fabric ones that can go in the washing machine are my favourite!
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Sandij D 5 years ago
One of my grandmothers did this and more. Alcohol in a little bottle to wipe hands, wash doorknobs, etc. Clothes off right after school. Clean ones on. She was a nurse during the 1918 flu pandemic. I always thought she was crazy. I understand now. But, I doubt I'll follow her lead.
*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
"Mama? Why does grandma call people a Covidiot all the time? And why do the other old people get mad and offended by it?" "Well Ophelia, back in grandma's day, Covidiots were people who helped kill other people who couldn't defend themselves, and then blamed everyone else." "Oh mama that's horrible!"
Tracey Hirt 5 years ago
“Mama, why doesn’t Grandma ever hug me?” “She lived through 2020, Darling. She just…can’t.
Catlady6000 5 years ago
The scary part is the last pandemic, the Spanish flu in 1914(?) lasted TWO years. Thanks to all the Covidiots who helping us keep this one at least that long
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Charlotte 5 years ago
Viruses can survive on surfaces, some are more hospitable than others. They tend to live longer (several days) on things like glass, plastic and metal (counter tops, hand rails, buttons, phones) and don't do so well on fabrics and paper, surviving only hours. So putting a cardboard delivery box in isolation for a day means it should be ok, but you might still need to clean the contents. You can wash tins and jars, etc soap and water is fine, you don't have to use sanitiser wipes. Or you can isolate them too, just for longer. Wash hands after touching anything you've brought in from outside. Either clean or bin plastic bags, or use fabric ones and pop them in the wash.
Charlotte 5 years ago
Sorry, that was supposed to be a reply to the "why wipe bags?" question.
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Mavia Kainaat 5 years ago
I agree .Many of the things that we are conciously doing may become life-long habits!
mntryjoseph 5 years ago
I have ALWAYS washed my groceries off! Actually, I have always washed or washed off, everything I buy. Have you ever seen people stocking shelves? Do you have any idea what comes out at night in the grocery stores when the lights go out? I was a cook in the Navy, believe me, you will want to ALWAYS wash off everything you ever buy again!
Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
Things we should have been doing like washing our hands & using hand sanitizer properly, sneezing into our elbows, using tissues once & immediately throwing away when we have respiratory infections, not crowding, getting annual Influenza vaccinations... We knew these things. We got lax. We have had breakouts of Influenza, SARS, now COVID 19. Have we learned anything? No. We will return to running our hands under the trickle of water, a quick pump of soap, a quick swish, rinse & go. Hand Sanitizer will again be wiped off with tissue or on pants instead of rubbed in for 20 seconds. When a sneeze comes, a quick turn of the head will do. When in a hurry at the grocery store, the cart will be unloaded while the customer in front of you still have items on the belt. No, this sense of urgency won't last. It didn't before. And it will not again.
#13
Emperor Kitten 5 years ago
Read World War Z (the book, not the movie). It actually gets into that idea.
Joran Quinten 5 years ago
Actually reread it a couple of weeks ago. Has some accurate points
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Suzi Gauthier 5 years ago
Stephen King did though, and even got the religious nuts (not regular religious people) right.
#14
Roadkill TheBrave 5 years ago
This is great! I love people's sense of humor even in times like this.
Id row 5 years ago
lol, I would love for that comb over to finally quit. simpsons-s...2d6624.gif 
Unfortunate beauty👁 5 years ago
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
#15
CR Harvey 5 years ago
I really don't want to watch something I lived through. Though who would be dumb enough to play Trump?
Kristen Daniel 5 years ago
Alec Baldwin, and it's going to be a comedy. He did a great Trump on SNL.
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Kathy Baylis 5 years ago (edited)
They already made that movie. Gwyneth Paltrow brought it to the US, then died.
Leodavinci 5 years ago
While the rest of the world works to revise history to minimize U.S. involvement in developing a vaccine. Someone like Daniel Craig or Pierrce Brosnan will play a badass government agent who uncovers the CEO whose corporate conspiracy started the pandemic.
#16
ThatREPTILEANDAMPHIBIANlover 5 years ago
Thanks to the drop in air pollution Mordor is once again visible from the shire
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
Please do not feed the flatearthers, they tend to get indigestion.
#17
Ola Polowczyk 5 years ago
What's wrong with people and their urgent need to go to the hairdresser? It's just effin' hair!!!! Who are you gonna show your new hairstyle? Or you wanna look good in like coffin???
Bob Beltcher 5 years ago
I hate hair touching my ears. It's uncomfortable and annoyingly long. However, I have no problem dealing with it and if it bothers me too much, I have an electric razor.
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Kurtz Frausun 5 years ago
As a sensible gun owner and long time sane "Prepper," I'm deeply embarrassed and ashamed of these idiots. It's people like this that I have to say "I'm a prepper, but not THAT kind." I like to be self sufficient, prepared for disaster, of any kind, and don't want to worry about protecting my family.
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
My dad was a proto-prepper sort. I'm prepared. Not insane. Agreed.
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Paul K. Johnson 5 years ago
Isn't it the gun people who keep telling us that gun laws punish "law abiding gun owners"? I guess when they say, "law abiding" they mean laws that they agree with. If they break laws they don't like they still consider themselves to be "law abiding".
Roadkill TheBrave 5 years ago
Yeah, no. I doubt those people are real true grit Preppers, you probably won't see the real Preppers until September at the earliest. They might consider themselves 'Preppers' but they aren't the real ones. There's a certain level of Paranoia that true Preppers have in general, and the ones that have 10 year stock aren't coming out of their safe space until either a vaccine is made or they're sure its over. I'd say that particular group is more Home Grown Gorilla's, I can't remember what their called again but they're basically patriotic people who are waiting for WW3 so they can defend their land and compounds they've built. All militaristic stuff, not that Preppers don't have guns, they do, but there's a difference between the two types of groups.
#18
chachkimooch 5 years ago
This is the first post that made me burst out laughing!
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#19
Vikki 5 years ago
And should the contract COVID - they sign away their right to any treatment.
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Carol Emory 5 years ago
Give them a private tour of the ICU at the local hospital so they can see that how unreasonable the governor is actually being....
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
I am afraid that they are the ones on the outside.
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KT Trondsen 5 years ago
I love how one of the morons is wearing a face mask, because deep down they know how stupid they are behaving
Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
Thought is was a reporter at first. But it also works great as a disguise.
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Roadkill TheBrave 5 years ago
I'm just happy the Political Ad's have vanished for a little while.
Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
This is a difficult and uncertain time for Us. Please lower your prices.
Id row 5 years ago
Oh, god, this is ridiculously true. The amount of email I'm getting from businesses I rarely hear from that talk about these trying times, that they're 'here for you'. What bs and a shameless PR grab for themselves. I've heard from my electric company, propane company, cable company, McDonald's, my homeowner's insurance company...
#21
Erin 5 years ago
One of my nephews works for Kroger and he is getting an extra $3 per hour plus a monthly bonus, and a larger employee discount. Kroger is also stocking the break room with food for employees to eat during their shift and offering free laundry service for employees. Many of the people that he works with are college students without washer and dryers so they can bring their clothes into work in provided bags and Kroger is paying for their laundry to be done. It may not seem like a whole lot to some people, but I think it is great that they are doing something above and beyond for their workers - especially those college students that are really struggling right now.
KT Trondsen 5 years ago
such b******t. Risking my health, my families health but yet I don't get a hazard pay
Kathy Baylis 5 years ago
Also can be used for paying multi-billion dollar companies for their “Coronavirus-related financial hardships”.
Nandy Nam 5 years ago
My son works @Giant and nothing changed at all ... same 7.25 here
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Yvette Desmarais 5 years ago
Hmmm. Maybe we should skip the ads and just pay them a living wage.
Stannous Flouride 5 years ago
Jeff Bezos donated 11 days of his income to find a cure but won't pay for decent protections in his workplaces and limits the total time off (even if diagnosed with Covid-19) to 2 weeks even though a person can be asymptomatic and recovered and still be contagious for up to 8 weeks. (source: UK Lancet).
Lorrie Finley 5 years ago
That bit about the 8 weeks contagious is new so to do the shame thing on Jeff for that is just stupid. But yes, he could easily take a philanthropic approach to show respect for his employees. But to really show him how we feel is to hit him in HIS wallet and STOP BUYING FROM AMAZON. As long as people support him they are condoning what he is doing. Very few people stand up for their beliefs and people like Jeff Besos knows it & will continue doing what he does.
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K. 5 years ago (edited)
It would be in Florida. Still sending you guys love
Load More Replies... AnnieLaurie Burke 5 years ago
You can be quarantined, and still be stylish. Home sewing businesses are making really pretty masks for sale.
Cherie Danielle 5 years ago
If it's called a bi-kini because there are two parts and I have only learned this at 33, I will scream.
#23
Nea 5 years ago
My 3 yo niece told my sister she wants to be corona when she grows up so that she can have the plyground and all swings to herself
#25
Jerri Murray 5 years ago
I actually take all of it off before I change the roll. Never did that before
Jim Ellington 5 years ago
I literally have at least a hundred of these in the closet, with plenty more meat.
Joanne Hudson 5 years ago
Although I've never "crafted" them, I've seen so many videos I feel guilty throwing them away.
Sue Sanders 5 years ago
Yeah, and when you're finished with the meat, you can use the bones for the same purpose.
#26
Melissa Cheney 5 years ago
... Yeeeeah I can't be the only one who sees China, the first country hit with this plague with poor health conditions and and a super high population density have the comparatively low numbers other countries have...
Bob Beltcher 5 years ago
US will be over 50 by the end of this week. I predict Trump will push to reopen to soon, idiots will follow. People will get sick again and by the end of the year nothing will have changed.
Better watch your language bud 5 years ago
UK has got the 2nd highest amount of cases per million people at the moment
#27
Full Name 5 years ago
Except that these two are trying to make reasonable points. I don't see that happening in real life.
Load More Replies... Don Flynn 5 years ago
My cats are pretty happy that I am home. They have been insisting on playtime nearly all-day. Playing fetch with two cats can get pretty funny at times...
Spinaap 5 years ago
the same here, our cats looooove the attention (there was a confusion time at the start, but they got over it)
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Tracey Hirt 5 years ago
The goldfish, however, has no opinion and is minding his own business.
Kathy Baylis 5 years ago (edited)
I have one dog and three cats. And they’re all still tickled to death I’m working from home. Unless it’s because it’s just laid back Mommy and not hyperactive Daddy, whose job is essential so he isn’t working from home...
Marty Sunderland 5 years ago
Our cat likes having someone to open doors to the room he's not in, so he can meow to come out again.
#28
Don Flynn 5 years ago
this is how it always is... mega-rich celebrities asking us to donate to a worthy cause when a few of them could fund a cure or house the homeless etc.
Mark Anderson 5 years ago
I have less problems with the celebrities than the CEOs etc. who have way more money than the celebs., yet are still doing nothing
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Paul Mitchell 5 years ago
Time for American Civil War 2. Those guns are there for a reason; get shooting!
#29
K. 5 years ago
Shown the disparity in socioeconomic status. Shown how callous some people are when they and the people they know aren’t affected. Sorry wait, how many affordable apartments have balconies?
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
In some countries, many/most! So yes those have a better GINI index coincidentally.
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Anna Repp 5 years ago
I keep thinking how I would have survived quarantine if I still lived in my old studio apartment in Brooklyn. Or that basement apartment I rented right after I graduated - it was my first place without roommates and I was so happy! It was wide enough to hold a queen size bed and a night stand next to it, and about three of those widths long. A sink and a stove were at the opposite side of the bed and there was one window and a stand-in shower... I bet someone is spending their quarantine in that place and I feel them!
Mary Elizabeth Jones 5 years ago
The people that really don't want the stay at home orders to end are agoraphobics.Theyre afraid to leave their homes.Now, the shut ins are another story.They wish they COULD leave home.This situation is what its like for them all their lives.How about people that are paralyzed, .and they wish they could get out of bed much less leave home at all.Now, how bad do you wanna stay home, and how bad do you wanna leave the house?
#30
Don Flynn 5 years ago
he fired all them... now just sycophants who lick his a**e surround him
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Ian Pinnock 5 years ago
Love to pump some domestos into this idiot, reckon three pints should do it
#31
K. 5 years ago (edited)
I gave my grandmother a look as she was drinking. She told me she heard that it’s good for her. I replied, “it’s wine and only a glass every now and then.” To which she replied, “i’m old and I’ll drink whatever I want.” She was hitting the whiskey and scotch. The woman is approaching 90 and was pregnant 13 times, I’m not going to argue with her. Drink away.
Carol Emory 5 years ago (edited)
13 times?!? That woman deserves the right to get sloshed!!!
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Caroline Seguin 5 years ago (edited)
When you're 90 years old I say : go for it and do everything you want!
Valerie Page 5 years ago
I thought that. Could be different spelling of whisky (Irish here) in different countries
Load More Replies... Jacquie Gariano 5 years ago
We've been hitting the wine cellar for wine with dinner....and lunch. Not BKF,........ yet.
CR Harvey 5 years ago
We have a combo liquor sports store. Can't sell alcohol but can sell ammo. No, I don't know why, and cannot fathom why.
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#33
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
OMG, I now have to rewatch that part of LOTR... I shop for an elderly parent who is vulnerable!
#34
M Adams 5 years ago
Yes because even if the answer is 6, you must do all of the 27 steps to get the answer 6.
Kathy Baylis 5 years ago
This is not new! I was in second grade in 1967, and my mother had a hell of a time with the “New Math” long division homework I was assigned. So she taught me short division. I never did long division again. Didn’t make my teachers happy, but I got the answers right—-in a fraction of the time it took my classmates, and showed my work too!
Ildiko Okido 5 years ago
Yes, now I remember why I was so bad at fractions. I still am, 40 years later.
#35
Suzi Gauthier 5 years ago
Ah, so the stoners are behind the virus, not China!
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#39
Roadkill TheBrave 5 years ago
So you come here often? *smiles at the car with that winning smile*
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#44
K. 5 years ago
Glasses and face masks. Glasses and lab googles. Broken glasses and dystopian apocalypse. Fellow four eyes, we’re not going to fare very well are we.
GenXandEarnedItAll 5 years ago
Don't forget about the just enough rain to blur your vision through your glasses scenario and fog that appears on your glasses once you get in your warm car after walking in the cold...
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Eliška Komárková 5 years ago
You can avoid this if you put the surgical tape or band aid over the mask where the glasses sit on the nose. Or on youtube there is a video on how to sew a special type of mask for people who wear glasses where the side where the nose is, is filled with fine wire so that it can be adjusted to the nose.
brandon sat 5 years ago
thats one thing i dont understand, i know not everyone can afford contacts or lasik, but if you can...why dont you get either one?
Kate Johnson 5 years ago
It's almost time to decide whether I should buy the rest of my contacts for the year, or put it towards glasses. I really do need to be able to see, but can't really afford both.
#45
Dippin Dot 5 years ago
I'm thinking this is an article from The Onion... along with this article: https://local.theonion.com/antsy-nursing-home-residents-counting-down-seconds-unti-1842961884
Emily Barnes 5 years ago
Vaccines literally don't cause autism, it's a genetic and neurological disorder
#46
JK Rowling 5 years ago
This is exactly the same things flat-earthers say. If you can't see the curvature of the Earth, it's not round, apparently
Dl B 5 years ago
This is disgusting. There are hundreds of thousands of churches and there are only a very very few churches that are not practicing social distancing. They are the ones getting all the attention. Do not lump all churches in with the few fools who are not doing what they should be doing. By the way, this is still ( or supposed to be) a few country so if they want to exercise their right to assemble and worship they should be allowed to. And don't write about them possibly spreading the virus to others. I know that. I am talking about rights even if it is not the smart thing to do.
Hugo Raible 5 years ago
#notallchurches And I'm against special rules for churches.
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Mystery Egg 5 years ago
This was me last week. I had the WORST headache all day, painkillers didn't touch the pain. It even woke me up in the middle of night. I was CONVINCED I had covid. Had to do my bi-monthly grocery shop the next day. Bought coffee, I had run out. As soon as I got home I had a coffee and boom! Headache gone! Thankfully I hadn't phoned the doctor the previous day otherwise I would have been slightly embarrassed.
Roadkill TheBrave 5 years ago
Caffeine withdrawal is my own personal nightmare. I hated it so much and never ever ever want to go through that c**p again.
Pittsburgh rare 5 years ago
When you love the taste but have sleeping problems (like me)
Load More Replies... Hugo Raible 5 years ago
Please tell me again why coffeine, alcohol and nicotine are legal and weed (except a few states) and acid not.
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
You can take a look at the 18th and 21st amendments for alcohol, weed legalization is the exception (11 states and DC have legalized, i don’t think literally 39/50 is “except a few”). This is off the top of my head, I’ll let you look the other three questions up. If you're gonna be an idiot, be an educated idiot.
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#49
NMN 5 years ago
I did us all a favor in the office and got rid of the expired stuff (got a couple of things about to expire to myself), cos was the last in the office to get set to work from home.
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#50
K. 5 years ago (edited)
Because he’s the Fenrir to Voldemort. Doing his bidding and coming back after getting kicked for outliving his perceived usefulness. Less cute than a pet. Just sad. TrDump’s been doing this throughout his presidency. His loyalties do not lie in this country or with his supporters.
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Adam Rindegård 5 years ago (edited)
omg birds started chirping the moment i read this. oh wait wrong post, i meant the one with the birds above this one
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Carol Emory 5 years ago
I tried calling the cable company today...45 minute hold. Imma say "no." I''ll call back later.
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#61
K. 5 years ago (edited)
Hahhaha that’s me two weeks into quarantine. I used to box 3-5 times a day, multiple times a week. My body has transformed all over the place through varying levels of fitness. Right now, figure out what works for you. Eat that cake if it helps. Work on the ptsd and anxiety later.
JOHANNA MUELLER 5 years ago
Yeah he is fat ..... and also his d**k is gone from jacking of to pass the time
#62
Freddie Purrcury ♡. ( ˊᵕˋ )♡ 5 years ago
you haven't met my cats....they are more like dogs tbh
#63
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
"Poverty is your own damn fault" only applies to tax-paying citizens. Corporations, who are people for campaign contributions, however.... need to be send for a nice trim of lard. And no arguments that "if they fail, we all get unemployed". No, Ayn Rand, what happens is, small companies get bigger to fill the gap and after 5 years, nobody remembers whatever the original fact cat company was anyway....
K. 5 years ago (edited)
This is bogus. They get tax cuts, try to get cheap laborers by moving their factories overseas, historically use bail outs to line their pockets and buy back stocks. How much has it actually helped taxpayers? Also yes, my grandmother right here keep feeding the skinny kids with fast metabolism.
#65
GenXandEarnedItAll 5 years ago
Finally! Someone else actually knows the difference between "to," "two," and "too!"
#67
#68
ThatREPTILEANDAMPHIBIANlover 5 years ago
Wow that really helps save lives. Great. Thanks SO much. This is such an amazing life saving idea.
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
Yep. If they're agony-sharing to signal their virtue, they're on the new list of BOYCOTT
NMN 5 years ago
I wouldn't recognize make up on or off (except Julia Roberts)
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K. 5 years ago
Just keeping your family together is already amazing. Being funny is another tier. Thank you.
Kate Johnson 5 years ago
I really like how you say so many nice and optimistic things. It always makes me smile, so thank you!
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Emperor Kitten 5 years ago
Don't worry. They probably don't get the joke.
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deanna woods 5 years ago
I am actually a Texan, but one smart enough to follow all the safety protocols.
leromeuperfil 5 years ago
I live in Texas, but i go to a charter school and we'll continue doing zoom till next year :,)
#77
Kate Johnson 5 years ago
Basically if you have flour and eggs, you can make pasta without a machine. But that doesn't stop the cravings for different shapes...and I really hope that somebody else craves certain pasta shapes.
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#79
Carol Emory 5 years ago
What he didn't tell you is his next question. "That depends...whaddya have in the liquor cabinet?" Bet granny's got a stash of the good stuff!
#81
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
Yesterday I got a case - A WHOLE CASE - of tequila from Costco. I was there and I was like, you know what? F**k it. Go big or go home. Now I get to find out just how long twelve bottles of tequila last me.
#82
Emperor Kitten 5 years ago
I'm more interested to know who thought BioAnal w weas a good and useful short hand
Hugo Raible 5 years ago
It's anyway a bogus statement. The stock market just returned from a panic low to "normal" prices. It's a V shape, so that "best week" is just a best week for people who bought a lot at the bottom.
#83
Conservative_And_Proud 5 years ago
Hee hee, cause they committed suicide too. 3 bullets to the back of the head...
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#86
ThatREPTILEANDAMPHIBIANlover 5 years ago
Me except the iguana is actually an iguana and the 6 year old is the noise my frogs make screeching for food
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#91
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago
Every one of his friends (and him) have the same color walls.
Jeny Kennedy 5 years ago
I don't think you understand what's happening here.
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#102
Meyer Weinstock 5 years ago
Wait, what? Um, sorry, I'll have to look again....0-0...maybe again...
#105
Dippin Dot 5 years ago
I've actually gotten a few of my home projects done since this all started - took down a wall to open up my laundry room, painted the basement, took some of my ex-husbands left over sh!t to his house... And once it warms up I'm moving onto the yard!
K. 5 years ago
You should have used it for kindling. Or keeping the zombies back.
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#110
Carol Emory 5 years ago
My husband is mad because I've been tipping essential workers heavily. Most of the time it's hand them a $20 for a $6 purchase and tell them to keep the change. Some of these people aren't getting tips like they used to because everyone is at home instead of dining out. They need to make a living too.
K. 5 years ago (edited)
Carol, I think I’m just going to have to keep spamming your comments. You have been so insightful, compassionate, and funny. Thank you for sharing advice on human excellency.
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#112
Orillion 5 years ago
She's 93 years old. She can drink whatever she wants.
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#116
Emily Barnes 5 years ago
Even if it's a joke, I'd still sleep in a bed like that
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K. 5 years ago (edited)
Agree with the sentiment. Some of them didn’t even place. Kudos to all the governors who had more intellect and desperately did all they can to get equipment and flatten the curve. Thanks for holding on and denouncing how premature the bail out was. Soooo are we still going to give big corporations tax breaks? SBA loans are based on employees before quarantine. What are the corporate loans based on again? How many of their factories are abroad? How much are they going to sneakily use on themselves and buying back their stocks and giving higher ups bonuses?
#118
#119
Борис Решетов 5 years ago
In Russia, everyone is in line. And bears with balalaikas, and the virus.
#120
Lily Luna Potter 5 years ago
I have never bought myself a planner but decide 2020 was doing to be different and bought one...I now have a almost empty planner
K. 5 years ago (edited)
I love your username, how cute you look, and how you think. It can be a survival manual, or a mini journal that you can exchange with friends when this is over. Or just doodle all over it. I am guilty of having too many journals before this, and figuring a way to use them too.
Load More Replies... #121
Bender Bending Rodríguez 5 years ago
It says on the bottom left right under heart " * Holds 150 gallons (750 bottles), Wine not included."
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K. 5 years ago
Didn’t even finish 3 rolls and it’s 37 days. Gave 18 away. Why were people hoarding TP?
Kate Yeti 5 years ago
Because some of us have children, periods, and way too much time to cook healthy meals with more fiber than we're used to...
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Tami Bridges 5 years ago
one of the symptoms of COVID-19 they don't like to talk about on the news...when you have it you feel compelled to completely wrap yourself head to toe in tp...often.
#124
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Wottermehlon Doge 5 years ago
i could use that... im also way under age but nobody cares... :/
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#134
Buddy of mine has been living in Japan for the past year or so, and just moved back... amid the chaos. His dad didn't want to take any chances, so this was his ride
GenXandEarnedItAll 5 years ago
The real question is how his dad was able to drive that truck all the way from Japan. Good thing gas prices are so low.
Carol Emory 5 years ago
My sister worked for Uhaul. A person called saying they wanted to rent a truck. My sister asked for the destination. The caller said "Hawaii." My sister, tired from a long day since she was also working part time at a gas station, starts looking up in the book to find out the rate per mile. Get's frustrated when she can't find it. Then it hits her "Wait! You can't drive to Hawaii..." The caller, who happened to be her coworker calling in with a disguised voice says "I hear they're building a bridge." My sister called her back the next day to inform her that she was in luck...they just got a moving truck in fitted with pontoons.
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#143
Hugo Raible 5 years ago
Are we still allowed to watch group sex/g*******s with more than five people?
#147
#148
Mystery Egg 5 years ago
In my country the advice is to imagine a dead loved one lying on the ground between you and the next person. Harsh but it works.
Evil Little Thing 5 years ago
Not if all your loved ones are short! I imagine the 6'4" tree-man I work with.
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#150
#157
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What do you think ?
Ruma Walker 5 years ago
Thank you for the great post! It's good to see that people are still able to keep an open mind and laugh in difficult times, and such articles help to lift the spirits :) Some of these were really funny, lmao at #10, 17, 20... and some of them were painfully accurate.... especially #7
Kate Yeti 5 years ago
Just wait, it'll come back. Having lived with mild but recurrent chronic depression my whole life, I am happy to report that there comes a moment where your mind just freakin' breaks and everything that made you sad before becomes so awful that it's hilarious. Stay strong. Nothing lasts forever.
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K. 5 years ago
i don't think the anger was directed towards rich people. it is definitely towards selfish individuals and/or people who deliberately choose to listen to bad advice. they are also the ones who are probably threatening public health advisors.
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Daria B 5 years ago (edited)
I'm monitoring the numbers every day, thanks for the concern. I had activated the daily notifications about coronavirus on Line messenger, it really helps seeing the progress of the situation. The report of today (22nd April) for S. Korea (which is where I've been living all these years) is the following. Total cases: 10,694 (↑11) / Total tests: 577,959 (↑6,945) / Cured cases: 8,277 (↑64) / Total deaths: 238 (↑1) As we can see, the situation is getting better, thanks to the precautions taken, however, people are still dying daily, and there's still cca. a couple of thousand people trying to get healthy. Now, these are reported numbers. We know that, regardless of transparency and testing, there will always be unreported cases who didn't seek up to get tested. Korea is praised world wide for doing a good job in managing this crisis, but if it's serious here, you can only imagine how it is in countries where health care is not as available for whatever reasons. *NOTE* by the end of February and within the first half of March, the numbers were counting over 600 infected cases daily, then dropping to 400s and for a long time it was over 300s. Then for some time the numbers turned to cca. 100 daily, dropping to about 30s recently, and it's been less than a week that numbers are showing cca. 10 new cases per day.
Load More Replies... Ruma Walker 5 years ago
Thank you for the great post! It's good to see that people are still able to keep an open mind and laugh in difficult times, and such articles help to lift the spirits :) Some of these were really funny, lmao at #10, 17, 20... and some of them were painfully accurate.... especially #7
Kate Yeti 5 years ago
Just wait, it'll come back. Having lived with mild but recurrent chronic depression my whole life, I am happy to report that there comes a moment where your mind just freakin' breaks and everything that made you sad before becomes so awful that it's hilarious. Stay strong. Nothing lasts forever.
Load More Replies... K. 5 years ago
i don't think the anger was directed towards rich people. it is definitely towards selfish individuals and/or people who deliberately choose to listen to bad advice. they are also the ones who are probably threatening public health advisors.
Load More Replies... Daria B 5 years ago (edited)
I'm monitoring the numbers every day, thanks for the concern. I had activated the daily notifications about coronavirus on Line messenger, it really helps seeing the progress of the situation. The report of today (22nd April) for S. Korea (which is where I've been living all these years) is the following. Total cases: 10,694 (↑11) / Total tests: 577,959 (↑6,945) / Cured cases: 8,277 (↑64) / Total deaths: 238 (↑1) As we can see, the situation is getting better, thanks to the precautions taken, however, people are still dying daily, and there's still cca. a couple of thousand people trying to get healthy. Now, these are reported numbers. We know that, regardless of transparency and testing, there will always be unreported cases who didn't seek up to get tested. Korea is praised world wide for doing a good job in managing this crisis, but if it's serious here, you can only imagine how it is in countries where health care is not as available for whatever reasons. *NOTE* by the end of February and within the first half of March, the numbers were counting over 600 infected cases daily, then dropping to 400s and for a long time it was over 300s. Then for some time the numbers turned to cca. 100 daily, dropping to about 30s recently, and it's been less than a week that numbers are showing cca. 10 new cases per day.
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