What are the first three things that come to mind when you hear the word “Canada”? That’s right, extreme politeness, maple syrup, and weirdly pronounced “about” and “out” (by the way, I did ask my Canadian friends about it, and they had not the foggiest clue what I was talking about). These three things, along with severe weather conditions and maybe hockey if you are sports savvy, are the staples of Canadian jokes.
It may be the general good-naturedness of the Canadian people or something entirely else that inspires us, but even the laziest person on earth has made jokes about Canada at least occasionally. Every so often, you will find a Canada joke or some Canada puns in movies and TV shows too, and here we’re not even talking about Ryan Reynolds being… well, Ryan Reynolds.
Whether you pledge allegiance to the red and white flag with the leaf, know someone who does, or just love Canadian humor, we invite you to scroll down and treat yourself to some funny Canadian jokes with some maple syrup puns on the side. Share them with your Canadian friends, and if you know more jokes about Canada, tell us in the comments.
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Every time I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I go to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free.
What's the difference between America and Canada? The Americans have really nice neighbors.
In Canada the seasons are, almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world. And then you will all be sorry.
I’m already always sorry, and I’m not even Canadian (Though my parents would lead you to believe that I am)
You can tell that Wolverine is a Canadian character written by an American.
His superpower is healthcare.
50% of Canada is the letter A.
Do you know why there's not much boxing in Canada? Every time there's a fight in the ring, a hockey game breaks out.
A play on Rodney Dangerfield. "I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
A Scottish man walks into a bar in Canada. He noticed there is an animal's head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it.
"A moose" replied the bartender.
"Jesus Christ! How big are the cats here?" Said the Scot.
How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
You say, “please get out of the swimming pool.”
What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
They both look good until they hit the ice.
What happens if you lose your wallet in Canada?
You’ll get it delivered to your house.
Haha so true. Somebody stole my backpack with my wallet in it, and a few weeks later, my ID cards were mailed back to me anonymously with a note "I found those in a trash can".
So the U.S. and Canada are combining their space programs to send a spacecraft to the moon.
They’re calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
Canada could have had it all: American industry, British Culture, and French Cuisine. Instead, they got: French Industry, American culture, and British cuisine.
We have more British culture than United Statian culture, for sure!
The other day I bought Canadian insurance, but then I realized how stupid that was.
When am I gonna get attacked by a Canadian?
Not by a person, but maybe by a moose or a bear. Heck maybe even a goose... they can be quite vicious!
Why do uneducated Canadians get more job offers in the US than Americans themselves? This is because 0 degrees in Canada is equivalent to 32 degrees in America!
Did you hear about the guy with a map of Canada tattooed on his butt?
Every time he sits down Quebec separates.
Technically the split would have to be in the middle and nobody ever separated.
You know you are from Canada when… You know Toronto is not a province.
How do you know if your kidnapper is Canadian?
He pays your own ransom.
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud, the French word for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," the patron shrieked. "The other tap is also marked 'C.'"
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
When in doubt, hot on the left, cold on the right. Though, en français, chaud et froid could look like Celsius and Farenheit. ☺
Why do Canadians love helping people in times of trouble?
Because they are Can-aid-ians.
You know you are from Canada when… You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it’s just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
None — they accept things the way they are.
What’s a Canadians favorite kinda footwear…
Aboot.
I honestly don't get this stereotype. Never heard anyone ever say aboot in my 26 years in Canada... except by Americans putting on a "Canadian" accent
You know you are from Canada when… You know what a toque is.
A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
“Black pepper, or white pepper?” asked the concierge.
“Toilette pepper!”
What did Canada contribute to the James Webb Space Telescope mission?
All the apologies for all the delays.
If you’re Canadian when you go into the washroom, and you’re Canadian when you come out of the washroom, then what are you when you are in the washroom?
European!
Why didn’t the American make a joke about the Canadian border?
They realized that would cross a line.
In Canada, they use “B.C.E.” instead of “B.C.” It stands for Before Christ, Eh?
In Europe it's called a Lift, in Canada we call them elevators. I guess we're raised differently.
Why are Canadian students so smart?
They get lots of ehs.
You know you are from Canada when… You know exactly where you were when Sidney Crosby scored the Golden Goal at the Vancouver Olympics in 2010!
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.
I just found out Canada isn’t real. Turns out it was all maple leaf.
Ok. I know it’s been three months. But just now I suddenly understood the joke. Maple leaf—make believe
What are two seasons predominantly seen in Canada? It is just winter and then July!
Knock Knock
Whose There?
Yukon.
Yukon Who?
Yukon see the Northern Lights from here!
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest in Canada to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!" The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
Alanis Morissette asked me what the capital of Canada was?
I told her "I'm not sure"
Then she blurted out "You ottawa know"
What has antlers and sucks blood? A moose-quito!
What is the type of tire that fixes itself on its own without troubling the driver? It is a Canadian tire.
If its a canadian tire then it leta you wander in unorganized aisles for days finding absolutely everything except the 1 thing you are looking for. I went there for a tv once, it was on the top shelf in the plumbing department. Good job, guys 👍
In New Brunswick, I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I love hockey, but I want to follow a sport that’s a little less violent. Now I’m into boxing.
My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey.
I am still mean but I am sorry, too.
What’s a Canadian ghost’s favorite food?
Boo-tine!
What’s a Canadian’s favorite comedy show?
It’s Always Snowing in Winnipeg.
You can't make statements in Canada.
But you can make provincements.
You know you are from Canada when… You drink pop, not soda.
You know you are from Canada when… Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
How do you spell Canada, eh?
C, eh?
N, eh?
D, eh?
How do you know a non-Canadian wrote this? Eh is used incorrectly. You can't just tack it onto the end of any sentence. There's grammar to it!
Why was the tourist terrified during their trip to Canada?
There was so much tundra and lightning!
My brother didn’t believe me when I told him the name of Canada’s prime minister.
I replied, “You may not believe me, but it’s Trudeau!”
Lol more like Castro! Pictures are worth a thousand words, and Fidel Castro and Justin *Trudeau* look more alike then Pierre and Justin ever will. Edit: spelling mistake
How does Canada respond to coin shortages in the U.S.?
They give us Nickelback.
People in Alberta love watching this one particular movie. It is called The Adventures of Tarsand!
An American and a Canadian wants to watch a movie together.
American: Lets watch Titanic.
Canadian: What's that about?
American: Yes, it was. A big one that sank!
Canadians probably know more about the Titanic than we Americans do. After all they are responsible for most of the survivors. They also buried a lot of the dead because the cruise line refused to send them back to England and the families couldn’t afford to. Check out Halifax and Titanic.
What does Canada do with hardened and dangerous criminals?
They give them red and white jerseys and call them the National Hockey Team.
What does Canada produce that no other country in the world produces? Canadians.
I was surprised to see the rate of crime on Canada's east coast is pretty high. It was because the thieves never get cod!
What’s yellow, has red hair and freckles, and lives in PEI?
Banana of Green Gables!
What is the only place in the world where the United Kingdom and Latin America meet?
They meet in British Columbia.
You know you are from Canada when… Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian passport.
Did you know Tesla came out with a model exclusively in Canada?
It's a Model Eh.
I finally decided to open a business in Canada.
My business advisors told me, “Don’t get cod feet!”
How do the Toronto Blue Jays get ready for a game?
They do worm-up sessions
What do all the people in the Capital of Canada eat for their breakfast?
Ottawaffles.
During the ice hockey game, I tried to sneak into the front of the line.
Unfortunately, the guard caught me and told me, “Quebec to the end of the line!”
You know you are from Canada when… You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
Although it is not illegal, why can't you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg in Canada? You have to use a camera.
What song do pumped-up Canadians sing?
“Who Let the Sled Dogs Out?”
How do you get invited to get-togethers in Canada?
Someone says, “Hey, we’re having a part-eh!”
What happened when two Canadian musicians met during the fire at the gaming stop?
They formed Arcade Fire.
While we were on a hunting trip to Canada, there was this deer that we kept tracking but couldn’t catch.
It led us on a wild moose chase.
What’s every Canadian’s favorite soap opera?
The Cold & The Beautiful.
Why did Canada add a C to its name in the very beginning? This was because it wanted to add anada letter to its name!
Apparently, lots of Canadians use "married but dating" sites.
What a sorry state of affairs.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Canadians were fighting over a penny.
Knock Knock
Whose There?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow big deal. We're celebrating Canada Day!
A Canadian man told me he was 100 years old.
I replied, “I Canada beleaf you are 100!”
A man from Newfoundland went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy newf", so he decided to set a test for the Newfie hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
What did the super-fan say when the Canadian National Team won the Hockey World Cup?
“What eh time to be ehlive!”
Whats the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing,theyre both fictional characters.
And it's all over. Let's never speak of this list again and pretend it never happened.
Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada?
They can't run that far.
