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Woman Learns A Harsh Lesson After Donating To A Struggling Family On Holiday
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Woman Learns A Harsh Lesson After Donating To A Struggling Family On Holiday

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Many people see the holidays as a time of giving, sometimes even to people they don’t know.

Take this redditor, for instance. Out of the kindness of her heart, she decided to help a woman who was looking for gifts for her children in a local moms’ group. The OP helped her for two years in a row, but after the second holiday season, she learned something about the woman that made her feel like a total fool and consider never helping a stranger again. Scroll down to find the full story in the OP’s own words below.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with the OP herself and with psychotherapist and psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions.

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    The holidays can be a difficult time for struggling families

    Image credits: gin akyurt/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    This woman decided to help a mom in need by buying gifts for her children

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    Image credits: Aninge Fetzer/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: poppurplepuff

    The OP told Bored Panda that the woman asked for nothing for herself or her husband

    Talking to Bored Panda about why she decided to help the woman in need, the OP shared that the woman reached out to a local moms’ group on Facebook, sounding desperate and asking for nothing for herself or her husband. “She only asked for [things for] her daughter. And I was upset to read that other moms were posting such mean comments to her. Things like she should’ve saved better over the year, or that she should just shop at the local consignment shops if she was so desperate. No one offered to help, and I thought it was just horrible to put down someone like that,” the redditor recalled.

    The woman continued to share that she didn’t care much about the fellow mom wanting to become an influencer; however, the picture she painted made the OP feel duped. “I have nothing against people trying to chase after their dreams, but through our messages, she painted the picture that she had to quit her job, sell her car, and care for her two kids.

    “She said she couldn’t even go shopping for deals because she knew she couldn’t afford anything for her daughters, not even things from the resale shops. She also told me, after I bought the gifts, that she felt so blessed to have found someone who was willing to help her because the few gifts I got were all the kids would be getting for Christmas. And then her TikTok is full of expensive stuff like designer bags and things for herself – things that cost way more than the total I spent on gifts for her kids,” the OP said.

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    Many people tend to help others and engage in acts of kindness during the holiday season

    Image credits: Roxana Zerni/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    Some say that no good deed goes unpunished, which many people, including the OP, have experienced firsthand; while hers didn’t result in a punishment per se, the experience of feeling foolish is not something to relish, either. Unsurprisingly, such situations can deter people from doing something nice for others ever again, and understandably so.

    But for many people, the holiday season is a time of giving back and helping those around them. A survey carried out by Upgraded Points found that in 2024, many Americans were planning on spreading the holiday cheer beyond their homes. One of the ways to do that, donations, were expected to reach a national average of close to $100 US dollars per person.

    Despite the inflation and economic uncertainty, close to half of respondents were planning to donate a similar amount as they did last year. Just over half of them, though, were not looking to support someone with money, as they preferred donating tangible items instead.

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    According to the survey, nearly one-in-four respondents tend to donate more during the holiday season, compared to the rest of the year. The main motivating forces behind that – the spirit of the holidays, followed by a personal connection to a certain cause.

    “It is always a good idea to have an idea about who you are giving the gift to,” expert says

    Image credits:Kateryna Hliznitsova/Unsplash (not the actual photo)

    While acts of kindness, such as donations, can make the recipient’s life just a little bit better or easier, they can also have a positive effect on the good-doer themselves. According to the Mayo Clinic, showing kindness to others can increase a person’s level of self-esteem, empathy, and compassion, as well as improve their mood. It is also believed to decrease blood pressure and levels of the stress hormone, cortisol.

    According to psychotherapist and psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth, many people enjoy gift-giving because it makes them feel good about themselves; they feel generous, good, kind, and caring. But talking about it with Bored Panda, the expert emphasized that it’s important to let go of any ideas of what the person might do with the gift after it falls into their hands.

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    “It’s important to recognize that when you give a gift, you are doing it because it makes you feel good to do it. If you give a gift freely, what the other person does with your gift, or their reasons for getting the gift from you, is not your business,” she said.

    “Of course, it is always a good idea to have an idea about who you are giving the gift to, and what they will do with it if you want to make sure that your generosity is valued,” the expert continued. “But in a way, making sure about what the receiver is going to do with your gift changes it from a gift to a transaction, in that they have to give you something back – a sense of satisfaction, or a knowledge that you gave to someone who needs your gift and will use it well.”

    For those fearing that their gifts or donations will not benefit those they’d like them to, it might be a good idea to choose a trusted organization, for instance, and support it, which, in turn, will support the people in need.

    “I think it’s not a bad thing to be careful about giving something freely,” Barth said. “In New York City, where I live, there are many people begging for money on the street. Some of them might use the money to buy food, as they say, but others might use it for drugs and alcohol. I prefer to give money to an organization that provides care and support for street people than to individuals asking for it. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it will be well-used, but I feel like it’s less likely to go to support a drug or alcohol habit.”

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    The OP shared that knowing people who knew the woman asking for help made her more trusting. “Having mutual acquaintances really did make me feel like this wasn’t going to be a scam or anything. When you donate anonymously, you sometimes have doubts that the intended recipient will actually get what you bought them. But because this woman lived in my community and was known by people I worked with and trusted, I thought it was all good.”

    It’s understandable why some people might not be eager to engage in good-doing, if they’ve been mistreated or taken advantage of. The OP, too, shared that seeing the lifestyle the mom asking for help was leading made her reevaluate her decisions regarding helping others. But fellow netizens in the comments encouraged her not to stop spreading kindness, and some even used their personal stories to tell her why.

    The woman provided fellow netizens with more information on the situation

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    People shared their thoughts and suggestions in the comments

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    Quite a few netizens seemed to have gone through a similar situation themselves

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    Miglė Miliūtė

    Miglė Miliūtė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

    Read less »
    Miglė Miliūtė

    Miglė Miliūtė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

    Read less »

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

    What do you think ?
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    Adrian
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The way to rid us of the scourge of these so-called influencers is to stop buying their products. When the money dries up, they'll have to get a real job.

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You have to stop viewing them completely and one person is like a drop in the bucket. World peace seems more likely sometimes but not buying what they're peddling helps a lot too.

    Load More Replies...
    Widdershins66
    Community Member
    1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend was struggling to pay her bills. The money I gave her was spent on lip fillers. Talk about feeling silly 🤦

    Carney
    Community Member
    4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a somewhat different take on this situation. Most of my adult life has been spent working with children and families who have experienced trauma and/or abuse. Today I help manage a food program that provides groceries and meals to anyone who needs this help. We feed approximately 1000 people a week in a small community. We are also the largest all-volunteer program in this part of the state. Do I believe that everyone who participates in the program truly is in need? Nope. I'm a realist. I take the cheaters and the honest together. Never stop caring! Never give in to the common misconception that those in need are simply lazy and dishonest. For every person who scams our program, there are 95 others who use our program to simply survive. They are good people who need help - nothing more or less. Please do not let this one scammer stop you from caring about those in need. There are loads of people who can use your help and most will be grateful and honest.

    Load More Comments
    Adrian
    Community Member
    1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The way to rid us of the scourge of these so-called influencers is to stop buying their products. When the money dries up, they'll have to get a real job.

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You have to stop viewing them completely and one person is like a drop in the bucket. World peace seems more likely sometimes but not buying what they're peddling helps a lot too.

    Load More Replies...
    Widdershins66
    Community Member
    1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A friend was struggling to pay her bills. The money I gave her was spent on lip fillers. Talk about feeling silly 🤦

    Carney
    Community Member
    4 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a somewhat different take on this situation. Most of my adult life has been spent working with children and families who have experienced trauma and/or abuse. Today I help manage a food program that provides groceries and meals to anyone who needs this help. We feed approximately 1000 people a week in a small community. We are also the largest all-volunteer program in this part of the state. Do I believe that everyone who participates in the program truly is in need? Nope. I'm a realist. I take the cheaters and the honest together. Never stop caring! Never give in to the common misconception that those in need are simply lazy and dishonest. For every person who scams our program, there are 95 others who use our program to simply survive. They are good people who need help - nothing more or less. Please do not let this one scammer stop you from caring about those in need. There are loads of people who can use your help and most will be grateful and honest.

    Load More Comments
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