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Lilly Pomar • upvoted 4 items 1 year ago

AkuLives reply

What made me regret it? Finding out that everything our society tells women about pregnancy, childbirth and the challenges of raising kids is either an outright lie or totally glossed over so as not to discourage women from having children. I was shocked to find out how many people were also knowingly complicit: doctors, nurses, older women around me, obviously religious people and men. "Sshh, don't tell them, they might change their mind." Every step of the way has been/is difficult or had/has some heavy challenge associated with it. There are no full disclosures to potential parents, even though the same parents experience of it (and ability to adapt and cope) will directly affect the child. When I reached out to others for advice, the typical response was "Welcome to my world." What?! Really? You say you love me, but didn't actually warn me how much damage my body and life would take? "Oh, that's normal." Really? I've never seen that discussed honestly and in-depth in any documentary, informational video, or any woman's magazine. At most there is one tiny story, surrounded by lots of messages about how great it will be. This pisses me off to no end. So, if I could go back, I would not do it. And this is coming from a mom of wonderful child. A child whom I ***have*** warned: "Having a child might ruin your lfe. Don't do it!"

dinahsaur523 reply

I thought my kids would save my life. You hear those stories where your kids “give you a reason to love.” I love them whole heartedly and they are incredible. But I still wake up every morning wishing I didn’t wake up. No amount of therapy or medicine has ever changed my desire to no longer exist

AkuLives reply

What made me regret it? Finding out that everything our society tells women about pregnancy, childbirth and the challenges of raising kids is either an outright lie or totally glossed over so as not to discourage women from having children. I was shocked to find out how many people were also knowingly complicit: doctors, nurses, older women around me, obviously religious people and men. "Sshh, don't tell them, they might change their mind." Every step of the way has been/is difficult or had/has some heavy challenge associated with it. There are no full disclosures to potential parents, even though the same parents experience of it (and ability to adapt and cope) will directly affect the child. When I reached out to others for advice, the typical response was "Welcome to my world." What?! Really? You say you love me, but didn't actually warn me how much damage my body and life would take? "Oh, that's normal." Really? I've never seen that discussed honestly and in-depth in any documentary, informational video, or any woman's magazine. At most there is one tiny story, surrounded by lots of messages about how great it will be. This pisses me off to no end. So, if I could go back, I would not do it. And this is coming from a mom of wonderful child. A child whom I ***have*** warned: "Having a child might ruin your lfe. Don't do it!"

dinahsaur523 reply

I thought my kids would save my life. You hear those stories where your kids “give you a reason to love.” I love them whole heartedly and they are incredible. But I still wake up every morning wishing I didn’t wake up. No amount of therapy or medicine has ever changed my desire to no longer exist

j32571p7 reply

I’m not a good mother. I care about them but I don’t know how to raise them. They are raising themselves with me trying beside them. Generational trauma, insane pedofile bio dad/ex husband. I was too young and groomed. I traumatized my kids by my ignorance and I can keep trying to learn and grow. And help them. But damage is done. And I wish I could go back and fix me so I could help them but I cant. I will alway support them and when they want to yell at me in 10 years for everything and shut me out. I will get it. Because yeah. F**k man. I’ll keep trying and I’ve had them in therapy. And I’m in therapy and I’m learning. But yeah. I was to young and didn’t know enough. I chose their sperm contributions badly.

parents-regret-having-children

I odd in that I have grandchildren without ever having had children. I married a woman with two grown children (17 & 21) and now I'm a grandfather of 3 granddaughters. Witnessing what I have as a grandfather has made my decision to have a vasectomy at 27 the single best one of my entire life. I am waaaaay to selfish with my time and money, and it would have totally ruined my marriage to have kids of our own.

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Lilly Pomar • upvoted 7 items 2 years ago

Americans Who Traveled To Europe Share 40 Culture Shocks That They Experienced

I will never understand how it's acceptable to walk around with a gun hanging on your belt and showing the most graphic violence on TV but they have to say "heck" and "freaking" on the same show where they've just decapitated a guy. That's such a weird double standard.

Americans-Visiting-Europe-Biggest-Shock

The amount of casual nudity on TV. I had to chuckle at all the naked breasts frequently visible. Europeans are just healthier in their views of sexuality and nudity. We Americans are ridiculous prudes by comparison. Oh and Belgian chocolate is better than sex. Often.

Americans Who Traveled To Europe Share 40 Culture Shocks That They Experienced

I will never understand how it's acceptable to walk around with a gun hanging on your belt and showing the most graphic violence on TV but they have to say "heck" and "freaking" on the same show where they've just decapitated a guy. That's such a weird double standard.

Americans-Visiting-Europe-Biggest-Shock

The amount of casual nudity on TV. I had to chuckle at all the naked breasts frequently visible. Europeans are just healthier in their views of sexuality and nudity. We Americans are ridiculous prudes by comparison. Oh and Belgian chocolate is better than sex. Often.

“America vs. Europe”: 27 Things Common In America That Europeans Find Very Weird

I was shocked when a waiter took my credit card away for the first time. Here, we learn to never give it away because of fraud.

People-Over-50-Childfree-Decision

My wife worked at a nursing home for years. Imagine seeing for years that over 95% of old people never have family visit. Till they die and people want a piece of the pie. This when I learnt that the whole "well who is gonna visit you or take care of you when you're older" line is complete bullsh*t. We decided to not have kids ever after that. Made great friends and saw the world. No regrets.

People-Over-50-Childfree-Decision

I’m 55 (F) and never wanted children. I just don’t much like them, and 20+ years of motherhood sounded (and still sounds) like a prison sentence. Maternal af when it comes to cats and dogs, but small humans? No chance. And I’m very happy to be childless. Cannot imagine my life any other way.

People-Over-50-Childfree-Decision

I explain it to people like this - you know that feeling you get where you just can't wait to teach your kid how to play baseball? or whatever it is you want to share with them? I don't have that. Its basically a lack of parental instinct. Having children was never something I aspired to. My SO is the same way. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against children. And I get really angry at people who harm them or mistreat them. I just never wanted my own.