“Once You See It, You Can’t Unsee It”: 50 Times People Witnessed Annoyingly Imperfect Things

When we said that a significant number of people are plagued by perfectionism, studies have found that the actual number is over 85%. And it seems to be on the rise, as research conducted between 1989 and 2016 found that levels of perfectionism in college students increased by 10%. It also revealed that perfectionism caused by societal pressure increased at twice the rate. 

“These findings suggest that recent generations of college students have higher expectations of themselves and others than previous generations,” explained the lead author of the study, Dr. Thomas Curran. “Today’s young people are competing with each other in order to meet societal pressures to succeed and they feel that perfectionism is necessary in order to feel safe, socially connected and of worth.”

Younger people also feel the urge to maintain perfection because of their social media use. They are pressured to be perfect in comparison to others whose lifestyles and appearances are portrayed as flawless online. 

Parents also contribute to the rising perfectionism, as their behaviors have a huge influence on their children’s habits, values, beliefs, and self-image. Those caregivers who demand excellence or are perfectionists themselves, unknowingly, can encourage their children to grow up as people who pursue high standards and refuse to settle for anything that doesn’t seem up to par.

Perhaps they pushed their kids to be the best they could be (even if it’s with good intentions), or maybe they made their kids feel like no matter what they do, they aren’t doing it well enough.

While the drive for excellence can result in self-discipline, ambition, and exceptional work quality, it can also lead people to self-sabotage. The desire for perfection can cause poor time management and procrastination.

A perfectionist can become so worried about doing things flawlessly that they put off doing anything at all. The fear of failing can also be paralyzing, which makes doing things take much longer. It also stifles creativity, increases self-doubt, and prevents taking on new challenges. 

All of this puts a lot of stress on a person, leading them to burnout, overextension, and distress. This may translate into relationships, too, as perfectionists, especially other-oriented ones, expect the people around them to be perfect and are highly critical of those who don’t meet their standards. They might make critical comments as well that, in the long run, cause frustration and resentment and, as a result, hinder relationships.

The other two main types of perfectionists—self-oriented and socially prescribed—tend to place excessively high expectations on themselves and not as much on others. Self-oriented perfectionists put a lot of high demands on themselves and measure their worth and satisfaction by external achievements. They are often highly motivated, conscientious, and prone to obsessive thinking, anxiety, and worrying.

Socially prescribed perfectionists put similar pressures on themselves because they believe that other people expect them to be flawless, and if they fail to meet these standards, they will be very critical of them. This can lead to them having low self-esteem, which they hide behind self-deprecating humor.

Perfectionism isn’t a medical condition, but perfectionist tendencies can overlap with or cause certain mental health disorders, like obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and social anxiety. If a person notices that their perfectionism feels more like a burden and less like a motivator, it might be a good idea to find some coping strategies to prevent the drive for flawlessness from consuming one’s life.

The first step towards managing perfectionism is to become aware of the thoughts that fuel such tendencies, says Jason Drake, a licensed clinical social worker. He suggests journaling, as it can help to identify thoughts and behaviors of perfectionism.

Every time you grapple with it, try to write down any thoughts that come to mind when you feel you need to do something flawlessly, whether they’re rational or not. “Once you identify the thoughts, themes, and behaviors, then you can start to change them,” explains Drake.

Perfectionist thoughts are often about feeling not good enough. So try to alter them with positive self-talk, like saying to yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way, I’m doing my best,” or “I’ve totally got this.”

Other practices that can help cope with perfection are accepting your mistakes and adopting a good-enough mindset. Try to understand that making a mistake is not the end of the world. It’s actually the opposite. An error expands our world by allowing us to grow, learn, and do better. So try to enjoy the challenge you face and learn from it instead of beating yourself up about it.

Often, perfectionists establish unrealistic goals that make them stressed. So to combat it, they should set more achievable tasks for themselves and break them down into smaller, more manageable tasks that can lead to more feelings of accomplishment and fewer feelings of failure and anxiety.