Someone Asks “What Is The Worst Parenting Trend To Date?” And People Give 40 Perfectly Blunt Answers
I hope that everyone agrees that not vaccinating your child is an ill way of parenting. Other parenting trends like letting kids do whatever they want and run amok like there’s no tomorrow are also questionable. But the subject matter is delicate, since we also like to believe that for the most part, parents know what’s best for their kids. Or do they?
Well, these two threads from Ask Reddit will shed some light on common parenting styles that are not necessarily healthy. In fact, people claim they’re everything but. “What is the worst parenting trend to date?” someone asked a while ago, and just recently a similar question popped up: "What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?"
Below we selected some thought-provoking arguments people shared in response to the questions. Also, let us know what parenting trend you don’t agree with in the comments below!
Y'all need to cut this anti-vaccination s**t out like right now. Vaccines save lives.
There are as many parenting styles as there are parents, and there’s no universal recipe on how to raise your children. But because the current generation faces unprecedented challenges, it also requires tact and special behavior from parents to be able to keep up with the changing times and the increased demands of parenting and child-rearing.
when ppl posts videos online of them punishing their kids. ex: “dad shaves girls head for txting boyfriend.” what in the sick hell kinda sh*t is that? and nobody seems to have a problem with that or thinks about how incredibly traumatic it’s going to be for that child. and the parents who do this literally make me sick. who is that for even? what are you trying to prove by humiliating your child in front of possibly thousands of ppl or more. ppl like this deserve to have their kids taken away. sorry not sorry.
Not teaching manners with other people's pets. You want to pat my dog you f**king ASK, then you introduce yourself to her (back of your hand to sniff), THEN you may pat her. DO NOT harass her. My dog is a sweetheart but she is an animal and she is at exactly the right height to bite your little darlings face off and then its my fault and my dog dies because you couldnt teach your brat some manners.
The coronavirus pandemic and political turmoil and war we see in Europe right now, as well as the inflation reaching sky highs all bring their own kind of uncertainty. For this reason, many parents are reevaluating the common parenting tactics previous generations took for granted.
Communicating trauma and being open about difficulties is one such new trend we see among parents. Another new style emerging is that more and more parents choose to provide their kids with experiences instead of material gifts. This is how you create memorable experiences and establish a better bond with your kid.
Not teaching basic manners and giving them a ridiculous sense of entitlement.
Shielding children from the natural consequences of their actions. They don't learn from their mistakes and the consequence price tags are so much higher when they become adults.
I hate when parents get mad at me for telling off their kids. I work in hospitality and we have a bowl of mints at the bar with tongs to grab them out. One night these three kids, all under age 10 but old enough to know better, just started diving their hands into the bowl. I told them politely to use the tongs, then I told them off when they ignored my request. The parents got mad at me instead of their kids, even though their kids just made me throw out a whole bowl of mints. If you're incapable of disciplining your child properly, don't get upset when someone else does it for you.
But no matter what new trends emerge in parenting, one very common flaw will probably outlive them all. And you guessed it… it’s spoiling kids. In fact, over half this survey of 1,125 parents with kids between 4 and 10 confessed that they spoil their children too much. Another 2 in 5 go even further, saying they’re sometimes “embarrassed by how selfish their child acts.”
Spoiled kids don’t get to know and feel what it is like to be grateful, as gratitude is not something that children acquire automatically. It needs to be nurtured, in an age-appropriate way, but the more they get used to getting their way easily, the harder it is to turn them around.
Parent of teens here! All of my kids have had a friend that stayed the night at our house because the friend missed curfew at home and wasn't allowed in the house. I don't get it. Punishing the kid for missing curfew is totally acceptable. But not letting them in their own house in the middle of the night? What good can possibly come from that? My own kids rarely missed their curfew but when they did, they knew that they could come home, to a safe place, and face the consequences the next day.
Beauty Pageants. I have no problem with them it's just that the age these parents make their kids enter and the s**t they do to try to win like doping them up on sugar and energy drinks. Using spray tans and makeup on kids that are sometimes 1-2 years old! And in the end they extort their child for little to no monetary gain. I've seen parents neglect their other kids in favor of the pagent queen. And in the end you get a spoiled brat that throws a hissy fit and is disrespectful. But who cares, you spent 15k to win 5k and you're on TLC
So in order to find out more about how being spoiled in childhood may affect your adult life, we spoke with Lynn How, the author of “Positive Young Mind'' and life coach who specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues. She also runs this Facebook teacher coaching group which is an excellent resource for teachers in need of support when leaving, changing their mindset, changing their schools or setting healthy work/life boundaries.
“Do you know anyone who has trouble keeping their emotions in check when they don’t get their own way?” Lynn said and added that it may be that they were spoilt as a child and this hasn’t done them any favors as they move into their adult life.
Unschooling. I agree that kids should have some sort of say in what they learn - if your kid is really interested in, say, bugs, then by god you take them to every bug museum you can find and buy them all the bug books - BUT kids should have a basic curriculum whether they're interested in it or not. I get that most kids don't like math, or history, or the "boring" classes, but I strongly disagree with the unschooling attitude of "my kid does not want to learn it, so I won't make them."
Parents never telling their children "no" and refusing to set any boundaries.
I get empowering children by giving them a voice in decision-making and the freedom to speak their minds, but general social norms would be nice.
Listening to 8 year olds throw fits in public and being rude to family and strangers (at top volume) is not endearing in any way.
“These children may turn into adults who show less resilience when things go wrong and they may give up easily when things aren’t working out. Also, they want it all and they want it now whereas most adults can tolerate delayed gratification,” she explained.
Videoing kids at their worst moments and then posting it on social media.
Taking youth sports too seriously.
I helped with and attended games for years, and can count on one hand the number of times I saw a child lose their temper. Parents lost it all the time. More than once I've seen a parent have to be physically restrained.
Ear piercing babies. That pisses me off. Let them decide. Don't put your vanity onto your baby. ESPECIALLY with piercing guns.
Moreover, “other traits that they may display include a lack of independence as their problems were generally solved for them, an inability to take criticism as nothing they did badly would invoke the appropriate feedback and the idea that everything should just come to them easily without too much work.”
“This last point is also coupled with a huge sense of disappointment when it doesn’t work out. All in all, this doesn’t set a child up to have positive relationships or good mental health as an adult.”
taking the door off their room. i have neverrrrr understood this
Family vloggers. Growing up in front of a camera can be so damaging for a child. Don't even get me started on the child labour it is - using young kids to earn money isn't good parenting in my opinion.
There are many different challenges a spoiled child is likely to face while growing up. “A lack of appropriate boundaries can be very confusing for a child and although on the outside, these children can seem argumentative and rude, this stems from a lack of self-confidence on the inside as they have not been given these tools,” Lynn explained.
“Once their safety blanket of the parents spoiling them has been removed, coping on their own would bring on anxiety which could manifest itself as a tantrum,” she added.
I think those parents who impose a raw vegan diet on their young kids - there is no way that a child can sustain itself on a raw vegan diet - you'd need to be constantly eating to get the necessary calories.
Vegetables and fruit are very high in fibre - both soluble and non-soluble - so you can be very full from relatively few calories compared with even a high-protein diet.
Vegan can be a struggle if the parent doesn't do the research. And a raw diet can be done as an adult, but it would still be difficult.
A raw vegan diet for a young child is basically child abuse.
Modern day: Parents assuming that once a child hits school age that it's the schools responsibility to raise them. These same parents then get angry when their child is punished by the school.
See this FAR too often.
Coddling sons while holding daughters to higher standards.
Moreover, Lynn argues that “often these children will have friendship issues as they find it challenging to let others have their own way and they may find it difficult to form positive relationships with other adults such as teachers due to difficulty with conformity.” She concluded that overall this adds up to a childhood that is more challenging than it needs to be.
Posting intimate pics of your kid all over social media.
Now, I have no issue with parents sharing adorable baby pics. Hell, I don't mind you guys sharing a lot of them. When you go through hell and back to carry, birth, and raise the kid, you get a pass on the social media sharing, somewhat.
HOWEVER, sharing pics of your kid in the bathtub and doing bodily functions is not okay. 1) It's gross. I don't think your kid's blowout diaper or "first poopy in the toilet" is funny or cute. I don't want that on my timeline. 2) Pedos are out there, be careful. 3) I know it's hard to imagine, but little Peighsyn is gonna be a big boy someday. In fact, he may even be on social media in the future. His friends (AND EMPLOYERS) are gonna see those gross vomit and poop pics. Not a good idea.
Maybe not the worst, but my parents forced me to play competitive sports for years when I clearly hated it and I'm still a little bitter. I was horrible at soccer, they even offered me 10 bucks for every goal I scored but I still couldn't do it. As an adult I still shudder a little every time I drive by a baseball field, thinking about how much time I wasted there and the embarrassment of sucking at something and getting laughed at by the other kids. This isn't to say I wasn't an athletic kid, I loved skating, riding bikes, hiking and all that. Parents - if your kid isn't good at a sport, doesn't have any interest in it and obviously has no talent for it, please don't make them do it.
Not giving kids privacy or personal space. I have teenagers and unless they give me a reason not to trust them, I don’t rummage around in their rooms or secretly read their texts.
Not dressing your kids like kids.
Also raising your kids on YouTube/Instagram/TikTok before they're old enough to decide how much privacy they want in their lives.
Shielding their kid from failure. There are so many people now that are afraid of failing, so much so, that they don't even attempt something new if they have a hint that they may fail at it.
Not saying a word about sexuality and shielding children from any sort of affection on tv or in real life.
I can't stress enough how much this has contributed to my intense shame whenever I masturbate and my inability to be intimate. Of course this is a compounded issue for me personally but such a censored childhood was the backbone for all of this pain.
Taking your kids to the pub with you on a weekend.
I'm not talking an afternoon lunch with a glass of wine or two. I'm talking about kids being left to run amok in car parks and on pavements while parents sit inside and have a drink.
Look after your f**king kids.
People having their kids stay up with them until the wee hours of the morning. By 11pm they are cranky, fussy, and clearly tired.
Put. Your. Kids. To. Bed.
Pushing your kids to bring home flawless reports. Had a friend my sophomore year of highschool (straight A student, extra curricular stuff) with strict parents obviously living vicariously through her- who blew her head off with her dad's shotgun sitting at the kitchen table because it was near finals week, her grades were plummeting and the only boyfriend she's ever had had just broken up with her 3 days prior. I'd like to introduce a new parenting trend; Talking to your kids, listening and understanding.
Not knocking “because what if the kid is secretly running a highly illegal business in there” Like please, knock. It will save you and your kids from discomfort.
Taking your kid's side when he's being an a****le to strangers. DO your job and educate your kid so I don't have to punch him in the face.
Publicly shaming your kids. If you do that s**t you are an as****le and a disgusting human being.
Never listening to your child. The whole children need to be seen and not heard schtick, f**ked up my social skills a whole lot with my parents and people.
My aunt and uncle are and have been huge supporters of the "if you just give them a video game then they'll be quiet forever" so my 6-year old cousin has absolutely no social skills and is a difficult, struggling first grader but is alright at playing Angry Birds and Minecraft.
Wanting to be "friends" with their kids. It really pisses me off. Parents that won't challenge, question or correct poor behaviour.
I've got three boys to raise and my attitude has always been - I'm your dad. I'm not your friend. I have friends you have friends. We can be friends when you're old enough to buy me a beer and I've done the sort of parenting that means I want to have a beer with you.
Non-parenting. That is, when people have kids but let their kids run wild with zero effort put into actually raising them into functional members of society.
Homeschooling. Frequently it just means non-schooling. Either the parent in question does not have the ability to teach, due to lack of education on their own part, has no intention of teaching with it all just falling back into non-parenting, or it's a deliberate attempt by fundies to keep their kids from getting an education. There are few exceptions.