Probably most of us have fallen victim to awful nicknames. However, luckily for many of us, those were soon forgotten or simply never "clicked" or became a name we got addressed by more than once. Yet, just like some people get referred to by their Instagram handles, some folks get addressed by their nicknames. However, not all nicknames are as cool as The Rock's. In fact, most are embarrassing, stupid, and demeaning, even.
We must thank a couple of threads on the AskReddit community, which became our source for some of the worst nicknames ever. The original poster of one of these threads asked, "What's the worst nickname you've ever heard someone allow themselves to be called?" while the other thread invited the Reddit users to share, "What is the strangest nickname someone you know has, and how did they get it?" And it goes without saying that both threads did not disappoint with the amount of bad nicknames, in fact, horrible nicknames users had to share. And well, we simply just had to gather the best of the worst (or worst of the worst?)
Below, we've compiled some of the worst nicknames given to people, as shared by others online. Have you ever given your friends terrible nicknames? If yes, well, go apologize! Or perhaps you were the one who was given silly nicknames? What was it? Let us know in the comments!
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"Kilo. Everyone thought it was drug related but his name was Miles and we converted him."
"I knew a Mexican kid in high school who was a wanna be gang banger and like 5'2"
We called him "Paragraph" because he was too short to be an esé."
"I was friends with a guy at uni who was 6'6", extraordinarily slender with ginger curly hair and was allergic to everything. Seriously, he as one sneezing fit away from being locked in a bubble. His struggles to make his hair look cooler were seriously impeded by his allergies (couldn't dye it, couldn't straighten it), so he just left it.
So, the funny thing with him was that he was a goth. That in itself isn't funny, but what was was the sight of a massive, lean porcelain skinned guy lurching around campus dressed from throat to foot in black with bright orange hair.
We called him Duracell."
"I have a friend who is half Mexican and half German. We call him beaner-schnitzel."
"A guy named Paul with a brow ridge and giant forehead (more like fivehead amirite) we all affectionately called NeanderPaul."
"I used to work with a guy with a pretty significant stutter. My boss used to call him Remix."
"A guy in college named "Cheap Disguise" because he had huge bushy black eyebrows, a mustache, a big nose, and always wore black rimmed glasses."
"Everest. I know a dude who was always complaining about Indian people. So I started calling him Everest because he is always throwing shade on India."
"At work there's a Skeeter, because a guy didn't know his name and shouted "SKEETER" and the guy turned around so that stuck.
We also have Sorta Pants, because he wears pants that are so ripped that they barely qualify as pants."
"This guy at work we call blisters because he always shows up after the work is done."
Similar to my ex. I said he was the moon coz he would only show up at night and when it was stormy, he was no where to be found
"There was a guy at my dad's work that went by the name "poopy" the story was that after lunch on his first day he said "I have to go poop" this was in a maintenance shop, so everyone has a sailor mouth. He resisted at first, but in the end of his 30 years there even bosses called him poopy. I know most of the guys my dad worked with and I never learned Poopy McCalister's real first name."
"There was a guy I met who lost his ear in an accident. They call him teacup."
"I had a pretty tight knit group in one of my high school classes. In one of our conversations, it was brought up how horrible I was at the time with remembering names. One of the guys, who happened to be Hispanic, said to me "Bro, I know you know my name. Come on man, what's my name?" I honestly didn't know and so I popped out the first name that came to mind. "I don't know dude, Carlos?"
Everyone, including Carlos started laughing. For some reason, it just stuck. No one called him by his first name, even the teachers. From that point onward, he was Carlos.
To satisfy the curious, his name was Andrew."
"We called this Egyptian kid Cleopatrick. He rolls with it."
There's a joke in there somewhere about his being in deNile, but I'm too tired to look for it.
"Everyone in my fraternity calls me Puddles.
It's not my fault I have a weak bladder when I black out..."
This might be hard since you're in a frat, but have you considered not blacking out?
"There's a guy I know whose last name is Lopian. When he originally met my friends, one of them said "your name is Lopian? Haha like fallopian tubes?" and Lope said "yea".
So, we started calling him Fallopian Tubes... then, just Fallopian, then Phil Lopian, and just "Phil".
Confused the f*ck out of his parents when they visited in college, and because we all just called him "Phil" by default, whenever we'd meet new people, they had no idea his name wasn't "Phil", because "Phil" is an, otherwise, normal name."
A similar pipeline led to one of my uncle's friends getting a nickname which means "salmon" in my language.
Commenter No. 1 wrote:
"That would be my nickname, "Captain Trips". My initials are LSD, and my parents were fans of The Stand, and since I was young I've been called Trips, Acid, and 25."
Commenter No. 2 replied:
"Please say you're into the Grateful Dead as well?"
"I was a loser 6th grader and in PE i found a kid that was more loser than me. And since I liked Star Wars, I told him to call me Master Vader. I regret that now for I didn't know much about masturbation back then. OHGODWHY."
"Guy I knew at high school was called Richard Cranium by everyone. He had no idea what it meant and didn't mind."
There was a Richard Jr in my grade and some took to calling him Dïckless because Jr is less than senior. He was also a d**k so not many felt bad about it
"A guy in our rugby team is always injured so he has the nickname tampon. In one week then out for four."
Love_Indubitably wrote:
"I had a friend, we'll call him Matt, and he was an established member of a student organization. Another Matt joined this organization, and Matt 1 said "Look, we've already got a Matt, but I'll tell you what. You get to pick your nickname. Anything you want!"
But Matt 2 really liked his name, and refused to pick a nickname. Matt 1 insisted, "If you don't pick your own nickname, I am going to pick one for you, and you are not going to like it."
Convinced that his real name would stick, Matt 2 again refused.
He could have picked something bad*ss, like Flash, or the Destroyer. But instead, Matt 2 was called "Ham-bone" for the next 4 years."
"One of my friends I used to work with liked being called "Turd Ferguson"... he passed away a few years ago, and it was even in his obituary."
"I went to university with a guy nicknamed "stink". The story goes that he got the nickname in his home town as a child because he was the stinky kid. When he arrived at university did he take the opportunity to reinvent himself? Negative... introduces himself as "Stink" and it's still his nickname today."
"A guy named Garrett and last name has "string" in it. We call him G-String."
"There's a rather flamboyantly gay man at my company that everyone adores. He's also rather tall. A couple years back, he and a few other got together and made a dodgeball team - pretty unusual in England. Anyway, this guy was really good and helped carry his team through competitions - it was said that years of yoga and gymnastics had made him so flexible he could contort in almost bullet-time fashion to avoid being hit.
And that is the sole reason he is fondly known as The Big Bender."
"My greek boss at the pizza place I worked at in high school would call me "Rorito, my little latin lover." I'm not latin, nor was I his lover, but that crazy perverse bastard did teach me not to get offended by anything this world throws at me."
"I was at a fraternity with a friend and met a student with no legs. His nickname was Geodude."
How was his Rock Throw? Did he KO any Pidgeys and Spearows with it? XD
"In the army there was a kid that always fell asleep at basic. One day the drill instructor found him sleeping and shouted "WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE I FOUND RIP VAN WINKLE!" He will always be Rip now."
"Guy in high schools nick name was sloth. I guess he was kind of big and dumb and vaguely resembled sloth from the goonies. It wouldn't be such a bad nickname if he hadn't gone out and gotten sloth tattooed in enormous negative space on his forearm. Sloth, if your out there, that tattoo is just terrible."
"There was a kid I was in highschool drumline with who's last name was Goocher. Naturally we started calling him gooch when he came in as a freshman not expecting him to allow it at all but it never really seemed to phase him. Even teachers would call him this. The worst is that his parents even got matching school hoodies to wear to games and festivals where the band performed with "Mama Gooch" and "Papa Gooch" printed on their respective backs."
"There was a guy in college that was named Greg. But he insisted people call him Hoss. To the point that he'd be angry if you called him by his real name. Something about his grandpa was called Hoss and he wanted to take his nickname. Also this guy wore a fedora every day.
We always asked if he drank Bailey's and would call him Old Greg to piss him off."
"My mother, whose maiden name is Fussey (pronounced fussy, like a fussy baby) married a man whose last name was Armitt. She was called Fuzzy-Armpit, or just Armpit, for years. Even after she divorced and remarried."
"In high school, there was a kid who earned the moniker "b*tch move." Apparently, this guy got caught smoking pot by his parents and proceeded to out all of his friends. His parents called their parents and everyone hated him from that moment on."
"On my first day on middle school (age 11), I met this really tall guy who looked a lot older than everyone else. Everyone was calling him "Boner," and I thought that was such a bad*ss nickname, I called him that for the rest of the year.
I didn't know what a boner was until 7th grade. I later found out that everyone was making fun of him on the first day because he had one, and I cringe every time I think about it. I'm so sorry, Boner..."
"We call my friends neighbour "Cupcake". He's a 20-year-old dude (a few years younger than us) and when we were all in middle school my friend's dad who is Indian and barely speaks English, came outside and walked up to him and said, "my sweet little cupcake." It's stuck with him ever since."
"Nomark because he got no grades in high school."
"I was "Chirp" for a couple years.
Someone refers to me as "Airman Clark" in my Korean Lanugage class at the Defense Language Institute, and a female sailor (who was seated across the small classroom from me, 6 hours a day for the previous 4 months; who apparently overlooked the big nametag on my uniform that entire time) got confused. Apparently, every time she heard my last name, it was from the native instructor with a thick Korean accent, and she thought they were addressing me as "Cluck", which somehow became "Chirp" while we were all cracking up at how she could have missed it."
"We had a guy in the army we called Jacket. This was because of the blanket incident that happened in basic. One night, when the lights got turned off in our bay of 100 recruits, we heard a sound most strange coming from the back of the bay. Sounded like someone was slapping a naked cat, but the cat was happy about it. So that was weird. We went to go see what was going on and we see Jacket has his earplugs in, furiously jacking away. He opens his eyes, takes out his ear-plugs and sees us all laughing our as*es off. Because he was the one to Jack it, we started to call him Jacket."
"We used to call this kid 'puberty', he was 8 or 9 and had massive sideburns."
There's always some kid in school who looks like he's 42 - every school has at least one. He's got a full mustache and he's 6 feet tall and he's 14.
Commenter No. 1 wrote:
"Fellatio. We were on a trip to italy so we chose "italian sounding" nicknames for eachother. I told this kid that fellatio seemed like a great name for him and he liked it too. Our teacher, however, was not too happy about it."
lemongrassgogulope replied:
"And if you guys went to Rome, I'd bet he'd like the sound of the latin name Cunnilingus."
"A kid I knew when I was about 11 insisted everyone call him "toilet seat". I still have no idea why."
"Uncle Sh*tty.
A good friend of mine from college - got initiated as a freshman, ended up sh*tting on a radiator. Never lived it down and literally everyone in our entire residence called him this (affectionately). He already had the nickname when I got there - and as an upperclassmen that looked older than he was - became "uncle" as well.
And there were 4 or 5 variants too - Uncle Poop, Uncle Dump, Sh*tty Uncle, etc.
I even have him in my phone as "Sh*t Poop" and I've been out of school for 3 years."
johnbarrymore2013 wrote:
"Luke. Doesn't seem strange, does it? His name is Paul. His middle name is Peter. NOBODY KNOWS WHY PEOPLE CALL HIM LUKE. Even his family call him Luke. He refuses to explain why to anybody and his wife doesn't even know."
SanitaryJoshua replied:
"Paul, Peter, Luke, John, Matthew..."
"There was a kid in my dorms in college that had a fairly large birthmark on his face. He introduced himself by saying "Hi, I'm Mark, but you can call me Sh*t-stain."
I called him Mark, but he responded to either name."
"My brother called himself 'Turd'. It was a shortened form of 'Mustard'. 'Mustard' was from "Daniel John" - "D. John" - "Dijon"."
"Friend of mine, one time asked what Id think if he changed his name to "Lazor" with a z. I said it was awesome. Next day, his FB page was changed to Lazor. He faced a ton of ridicule and changed back pretty quick. To this day, we still refer to him as Lazor, when he's around and when he's not. He will always be Lazor."
"A kid named Patrick at my college had a disease that forced him to use a Walker. His nickname was TR; which was an abbreviation for Texas Ranger."
"Before my husband and I started dating he called me D-Bomb (my name is Darcy) and his best friend/cousin started calling me D-Bag.
4 1/2 years later and I'm still D-Bag."
"My nickname is Eggy because I once tried to dye my hair straight to blonde from black hair. End result was black roots, ginger hair and white tips which started the nickname Cream Egg and shortened to Eggy."
""Scrot"...as in "scrotum". I was very insecure in high school."
I guess it would be spelled "scrote", and the reason why I was called scrote was because my shaved head apparently looked like someone's sack."
"A friend of mine was leaving a restaurant and stuck a toothpick in his mouth.
"Hey, call me toothpick. Wait-"
7 years running."
"Dude I went to school was nicknamed "hot dogs" he puked up a package of Hebrew nationals when he was drunk a party it was vile... He hates it to this day."
"Biscuit. From what I understand, he was at a party as a college freshman and a drunk senior walked in and said something along the lines of, "Biscuit would be a good name... you're Biscuit." I didn't learn his real name for at least a year after we met."
Reminds me of "Dorfman, your Delta Tau Chi name is Flounder." "Why Flounder?" "WHY NOT?!?"
"Waffles. He would make video montages of smoking pot and call himself Freshly Baked Waffles."
"We had two Brians in our group. So we did what any group of preteens would do, we called one Brian, and the other The Gouche."
I have not one, not three, but two people named Ella in our group.. we refer to them as thing one and thing two
"I worked with "sidewalk". He was cutting branches on a tree one day, he decided the best place to set the ladder was against the branch he was cutting...on the outside of the cut. Needless to say, he fell and landed on the sidewalk, and broke his arm. Hence, sidewalk."
"My friend dated a chick we called 6 because she would always borrow $6 every day for food and smokes. That one has stuck for over 20 years."
"Note: this is in a country where english isn't spoken. A friend of mine when we were at the beginning of highschool called himself "skinny D". His name started with the letter D and he was skinny. We already had enough english at school for him to know why it was hilarious, but he just didn't see it. Still call him skinny D now and then."
"Booby Wiener. Every time I attempt to tell the story out loud I can't even make out the name Booby Wiener with out crying of laughter. His name is Bobby and his last name is a letter off from wiener. Even after graduating college he's still called that."
"In high school there were two guys named Phillip, so everyone started calling one of them "Phillip the Filipino." He was Laotian."
"My friend is affectionately called Peps due to his large pepperoni nipples. We took a trip to Brasil one year and we changed it to Pepe."
"Rim Job. Every Aussie group of guys I have met has nicknames. None are flattering and all the guys seem to accept them without embarrassment. Rimmer as they lovingly called him was an awesome guy. I couldn't call him that. No one ever said his real name."
"I honestly know of one of my brother's friends who is perfectly fine with being called PP. His name begun with a p and last name begun with a p so it was natural. I believe the guy's parents even adopted the nickname."
"I just heard casually that a girl I went to high school with was called "scarizard" in middle school. She had a scar on her face but nothing too crazy. Kids are mean."
"A kid i knew had a crappy upper lip hair collection at like 13 and he tried to put "mustached sanchez" in as his xbox user name but it said it was taken so he was offered "abused sanchez", which he took... and he now goes by "abused sanchez" 5 years later."
"A girl I went to school with had the last name Huck. I used to tell people that her middle name was Dumph (think about it - say it out loud). Everybody started calling her Dumph after that."
"I dated a guy whose dad only ever called him 'Ballsack'.
That relationship didn't last long."
One of the seniors at my high school is called Ballsack by everyone but one teacher
"C-Money. He's a douche who walks around in a sleeveless shirt and won't be seen without beats headphones, so I guess it's fitting."
"Dariare. One day someone stared calling him that. Everyone got in on calling him dariare. After a while he even started calling himself dariare.
One day in french someone called him dariare. The teacher lashed out on him for calling that guy dariare. Confused we asked what it meant. She told us that it mean butt in french. The whole class started laughing because for almost a month we were calling this guy an a*shole without even knowing it.
He just put his head down in embarrassment."
"A kid in my school was called "Cab", very few knew his real name.
The reason? he wore a yellow shirt first day of school, that's it."
Similarly I know a guy who wore a green shirt to one soccer game and has been "Iguana" ever since.
JesseM24 wrote:
"Pubes. Unfortunately, that was mine."
Kylesmithy123 replied:
"I knew a guy called Pubes. He had black curly hair."
"Female friend of mine went by the name Jizz. It was an abbreviation of her first name but still..."
"Was at a martial arts tourney years ago. One school has their kids' names sewn onto the back of their uniforms. One kid, I guess, was named probably something like 'Kyle', and I'm guessing his nickname was 'Ky'.
But the back of his uniform was in all caps, and just said: KY GUY."
"I know someone who has the nickname "Shanks". Sounds quite intimidating, but less so when you find out it's because his friends found him passed out after vomiting into an "Armitage Shanks" toilet."
"One of the "emo" kids at my school insists on being called Saint Jimmy."
"My boyfriend is Filipino and in high school everyone called him "Brown" because it was "hard to tell what he is but he's definitely brown.""
"One girl in my middle school was called the mustard girl by absolutely everybody which ended up in her switching districts and one person being expelled."
"We call one of my friends Soggy. It's just such a gross word and I hate saying it, but that's what we're used to."
"Babylegs. In high school my friend (who we referred to by his last name, Bailey) was trying to get another friends attention at lunch. So I tell him "hey, Bailey's trying to talk to you." He listens, answers the question, then sits there eating for a few minutes before he turns to me and asks "why'd you call that kid babylegs?""
"John "the liar"... Told a lot of stories all of them were lies, everyone knew and he didn't seem to mind his nickname."
When my (Mexican) dad was in school everyone would call him Taco. For racist reasons.
My dad's nickname from his dad and his friends was Peter Bean because he looked like a skinny little string bean. Once, he got lost as a small boy and, since this was the '70s, had to go find a security guard to call his name out on a megaphone. The guard asked him his name, and he said "Peter Bean". After stifling a chuckle, the guard announced on the loudspeaker (and my eighty-three-year-old grandfather still recalls it like it was yesterday) "Would the parents of Peter Bean please come to the front?" The parents of Peter ℍ𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕝𝕖𝕣 arrived to pick up their Bean, needless to say, but not without some teasing.
A kid in my school is called Chintu (which means tiny in Hindi) by the eighth and ninth graders because that was the name of his character in a school play. A guy in my class has the nickname “Google Anna” which translates to Google brother as that was his character in the play. Another guy is simply called “Google” because he has the answer to everything and I’m called “Wikipedia”
I liked that the footballer Fitz Hall was nicknamed "One Size". And rugby league player Brad Fittler was nicknamed "Adolf"
One of my friends is named Simon, and all of us who are close to him call him Semen.
A kid names Josh joined our friend group back in our early 20s. He was super immature and quite annoying to me. My friend Zach(the one who brought him into the group) started calling him Chock, and then Choche. I also named Zach, Shwiggity because his last name was Schwalm.
At my first job when I was 16, my supervisor was a big gruff dude with a roid-belly. He said, "Jeremy? Your name's too long. I'ma call you Skippy." It stuck.
Oh and my family has been huge with nicknames. It was so extreme that I didn't find out until my 20's that some of my relatives names where not what I had been calling them. Samantha was actually Katherine, Pat is Margaret, Malcom is George, Ralph is Thomas. Of course there were obvious nicknames like Rerun and Stringbeen but all those years I was just clueless. Nearly everyone in my family had a nickname and was referred to mostly by it. My aunt is 80 now and still called Samantha; atleast 60 years being called that because her brother thought she looked like a witch (Bewitched)
In high-school we dubbed one kid Louie because we thought he looked like Louie Anderson. That name stuck all through high-school and after. Everyone including his parents called him Louie. Several years after graduating I saw him at a shop and he was still going by Louie; his coworker was with him and shouted Louie to get his attention. I hope he still goes by Louie and it's been about 20 years. Think his real name was Andrew or Patrick.
My late dear friend had two different size ears. My dad called him ears.. he was perfectly fine with it lol
I named a kid Purple in high school. We had only recently met and were partying when I decided to call him any color but green because his last name was Greene. Purple stuck for whatever reason. I guess you could say I dyed him! It was cool the first time I heard someone I didn't know refer to him as Purple.
Worked with a chap with the surname Turvey, he was known as Topsy
When my (Mexican) dad was in school everyone would call him Taco. For racist reasons.
My dad's nickname from his dad and his friends was Peter Bean because he looked like a skinny little string bean. Once, he got lost as a small boy and, since this was the '70s, had to go find a security guard to call his name out on a megaphone. The guard asked him his name, and he said "Peter Bean". After stifling a chuckle, the guard announced on the loudspeaker (and my eighty-three-year-old grandfather still recalls it like it was yesterday) "Would the parents of Peter Bean please come to the front?" The parents of Peter ℍ𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕝𝕖𝕣 arrived to pick up their Bean, needless to say, but not without some teasing.
A kid in my school is called Chintu (which means tiny in Hindi) by the eighth and ninth graders because that was the name of his character in a school play. A guy in my class has the nickname “Google Anna” which translates to Google brother as that was his character in the play. Another guy is simply called “Google” because he has the answer to everything and I’m called “Wikipedia”
I liked that the footballer Fitz Hall was nicknamed "One Size". And rugby league player Brad Fittler was nicknamed "Adolf"
One of my friends is named Simon, and all of us who are close to him call him Semen.
A kid names Josh joined our friend group back in our early 20s. He was super immature and quite annoying to me. My friend Zach(the one who brought him into the group) started calling him Chock, and then Choche. I also named Zach, Shwiggity because his last name was Schwalm.
At my first job when I was 16, my supervisor was a big gruff dude with a roid-belly. He said, "Jeremy? Your name's too long. I'ma call you Skippy." It stuck.
Oh and my family has been huge with nicknames. It was so extreme that I didn't find out until my 20's that some of my relatives names where not what I had been calling them. Samantha was actually Katherine, Pat is Margaret, Malcom is George, Ralph is Thomas. Of course there were obvious nicknames like Rerun and Stringbeen but all those years I was just clueless. Nearly everyone in my family had a nickname and was referred to mostly by it. My aunt is 80 now and still called Samantha; atleast 60 years being called that because her brother thought she looked like a witch (Bewitched)
In high-school we dubbed one kid Louie because we thought he looked like Louie Anderson. That name stuck all through high-school and after. Everyone including his parents called him Louie. Several years after graduating I saw him at a shop and he was still going by Louie; his coworker was with him and shouted Louie to get his attention. I hope he still goes by Louie and it's been about 20 years. Think his real name was Andrew or Patrick.
My late dear friend had two different size ears. My dad called him ears.. he was perfectly fine with it lol
I named a kid Purple in high school. We had only recently met and were partying when I decided to call him any color but green because his last name was Greene. Purple stuck for whatever reason. I guess you could say I dyed him! It was cool the first time I heard someone I didn't know refer to him as Purple.
Worked with a chap with the surname Turvey, he was known as Topsy
