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It's rare, but sometimes strangers on the internet can dole out some true wisdom. In this case, we present you tidbits of knowledge from the sisterhood of women. Cue the viral TikTok soundbite from the "Anne with an E" series: "How I love being a woman!"
These tips from ladies come from the Ask Women subreddit. They all had some really interesting and wholesome insights to the question "What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned as a woman that you wish you knew when you were younger?" Ladies shared all sorts of advice that they gathered throughout their years on this earth, and you can read the most impactful entries below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
You don’t have to be polite when someone is being creepy. No is a complete sentence.
Jill Rhodry 2 years ago
All true - but you still have to be careful because 'no' can be the most dangerous word a woman ever says to a man.
RELATED:
#2
If a partner is insulting you and it's "just a joke", it's not just a joke. He's testing your boundaries to see how much degradation and embarrassment you'll endure.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago
What if both of u genuinely "insult" each other for a laugh equally?
Scarlett 2 years ago
That’s banter, my friends and I do it, but we know each other’s boundaries and if someone says something hurtful, they apologize. Very different.
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Nimues Child 2 years ago
Ah, the "double slap" - making a "joke" at your expense, then saying the problem is that YOU have no sense of humor. Just apologize for the insult so we can all move on...
David Paterson 2 years ago
When a person insults you, they are insulting what they see of themselves in you. Which means that they're insulting a reflectiion of themselves. Which means that they're just insulting themselves.
Black Cat 2 years ago
I think there's some truth in this, classic projection.
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Catharina Geerts 1 year ago
I've heard people call each other pet names (or should I say nicknames?) which I thought were quite ugly, even said in a seemingly loving way (like e.g. piggie, piglet). I would not like anybody calling me with such names
Elaine Dodge 2 years ago
It's gaslighting, and the only good response is to dump him immediately because it will only get worse and it will always, according to him, be your fault.
#3
Placing boundaries down feels like an attack to the people who didn't care about them in the first place.
Courtney Christelle 2 years ago
Can I just say how gorgeous the model in this picture is and I love her hair.
This wholesome thread of women sharing wisdom is evidence that we need strong female relationships. In some cases, female friendships can even help women survive longer. Studies have shown that psychological support increases the survival rate of breast cancer patients.
That's exceedingly true for those women who get their diagnosis early. A 2011 study in the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that women were 4 times more likely to die if they didn't have many friends.
#4
I wasn't fat.
El Dee 2 years ago
Always look back a photo from ten years ago. You'll see that you weren't fat, ugly and horrible like you thought you were. Then look at a photo from today and picture yourself looking at it in ten years time thinking that EXACT same thought. Took me a few decades but I got there. I wish for anyone younger that they are smarter than me and realise this sooner..
SadieCat17 (she/her) 2 years ago
Also don't rely on the bmi to tell you if you're healthy or not because it's total b******t (it does apply somewhat well to underweight people though). I have the "pixar mom" body type with a relatively small waist for my frame (30 in) and wideset hips. I have strong leg/abdominal muscles from physical therapy along with rather generously placed fat deposits (cough cough). This lands me at 170 pounds and 5'3 which the bmi considers obese. Absolutely f*****g insane. I could probably lose some weight here and there, but to call me obese is plain ludicrous. (Disclaimer that none of this is a brag, just an anecdote.)
tori Ohno 2 years ago
According to the BMI chart, bodybuilders are obese. It's because they weigh so much from their muscle that they're heavier than normal for their height. The chart should be banned, you can only get an accurate number by being weighed in water.
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Not-a-Clue (she/her) 2 years ago
I wasn't then, but it became a self fulfilling prophesy, so I am now. I was convinced until fairly recently (I'm 57 now) that I was a fat baby, a fat kid & a fat teenager, mainly due to comments from family members and others. I've looked back at photos and I wasn't even slightly overweight until I was in my late teens.
lily jones 2 years ago
No I'm not but I don't have to like my body and nothing is going to stop me from feeling self conscious about it. But it's okay to want to lose weight, clear your skin, improve yourself for the better, if you do it in a healthy way, and it makes you happy. That is my goal, not going great right now, but hopefully I'll get there. For now, I accept my body the way it is.
Chickens are fluffy 2 years ago
Just because you have some fat cells on you, doesn't make you fat
#5
If he wanted to, he would.
Sven Horlemann 2 years ago
I really like that statement. We all can do good things. If we are willing to do them.
crazydogmama 2 years ago
I think this is for those women who rationalize a man not calling or texting her. He's not busy, he's not sick, he just doesn't like you enough.
DOD2557 1 year ago
And, that's clearly HIS poor taste. Don't con yourself into pretending he's not an AH and keep trying. He's not worthy of you! Drop him! He doesn't deserve you!
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Cyber 2 years ago
You see, I don't agree with this one. Think about all the times you didn't do something you wanted to because of anxiety or something else. I never got this statement. It just doesn't make sense.
DOD2557 1 year ago
It's because you didn't want to ENOUGH. If he (or you) REALLY want something enough, he'll do whatever it takes to make it happen. Even if those things are uncomfortable. Because he thinks you're worth temporary discomfort. Don't fool yourself.
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TAMI 2 years ago
Agreed- a guy can make a lot of effort to make you feel special, if he wants to. If he doesn't then don't make excuses, bc he's already moved on
DOD2557 1 year ago
or biding his time "til someone better comes along". No thank you!
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Richi Weiss 2 years ago
If you want to do it, u find a way to do it. If you dont want to do it, you find an excuse...
DOD2557 1 year ago (edited)
And, he will go on and on about how he really wants to, he wishes he could..but he just can't. Because XYZ. So..let me be direct. He's not going to break up with his current girlfriend for you, he's NEVER going to leave his wife...even "when the kids are out of High School", and he won't introduce you to his friends because he "wants you all too himself." Women forget how much power they have. This guy is clearly a loser and YOU deserve So So much better! Drop this guy and choose one who really care about you and is proud to have you as his woman.
#6
Not all women who call themselves your mentors are your allies. Some of them are insecure and are unwilling to let other women around them succeed.
Jerry Lane 2 years ago
For all women seeking help and support at the workplace: men are bad; women are worse.
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Christina Watlington lists some benefits of sisterhood. First, it can have a calming effect. Reaching out to girlfriends when we're feeling stressed can help us unwind.
"In doing so, our brains actually release a feel-good chemical, oxytocin. This chemical instantly reduces anxiety, improves focus and concentration and encourages us to bond," Dr. Watlington writes.
#7
Knowing the signs of an abusive relationship and don’t waste your life being in one.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Thankfully, these days there are organizations and hotlines that can help if you're not sure how to extricate yourself from a bad home or relationship situation.
KatSaidWhat 2 years ago
Sadly it's an insidious process and most people don't actually realise until it's too late.
Load More Replies... David Paterson 2 years ago (edited)
What I don't get is how you can recognise the signs of emotional abuse if you've never encountered it before?
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 2 years ago
You're more likely to not notice it if you HAVE encountered it before. It becomes so normalised, and many people have no concept of what a healthy relationship looks or feels like. This is especially true of adults who grew up experiencing or witnessing abuse in their childhood.
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Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
I pick up journals from my later high school days and early college years...god, I was in such a dark place with that relationship but didn't realize that those thoughts, feelings and the things provoking them weren't normal.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
If your partner doesn’t like ANY of your friends and/or none of your friends like your partner, get out.
#8
Your self worth is not defined by a man wanting to sleep with you; learn to love/put yourself first.
Lizzy J 2 years ago
I have a friend who is going through some hard times mentally, and she often needs her boyfriend to just be around so she can be sane. And she keeps thinking she's an unhealthy partner because of that, and I've been trying to tell her that theres a difference between needing someone because she loves them and needing them for validation and attention. And that so long as her boyfriend doesnt feel responsible for her mental health, and they make honest communication, that this is a healthy relationship. She wont believe me :,)
DOD2557 1 year ago
Sounds like she needs to see a mental health specialist, at least a few times.
Load More Replies... #9
It’s ok to say no.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Women know how to say no. The problem is that far too many men hear the word no, and ignore it.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
Right! It’s also okay to hear “no”. Not the end of the world, not a judgment on you as a person.
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Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., has found that women respond differently to stress than men. When stress gets a hold of men, it triggers a fight-or-flight response. Based on recent studies, researchers now believe that women have a wider variety of responses. Klein says that in women, oxytocin buffers the fight-or-flight response. They then start taking care of children and gather with other women instead.
#10
Wear the damn bikini or bathing suit. Everyone is so obsessed and worried about their own body & trying to hide their insecurities that I promise … they’re not at all concerned about your stretch marks, body hair or rolls. We all have them. You’ll instantly be more attractive from the sheer confidence about not having a care in the world.
Multa Nocte 2 years ago
I wish this were true, but there are a LOT of body shamers out there, even ones who aren't themselves perfect. If you are hurt by cruel feedback, don't put yourself in this position because too many people don't know when to keep their warped opinions to themselves.
Rostit. . 2 years ago
That's a them problem. Don't give them the satisfaction.
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Cyber 2 years ago (edited)
THIS THIS THIS. I was born with a very muscular build, and was very insecure about it because I was so afraid everyone would bully me and think I was ugly for not having a stereotypical "feminine" build. For a while I only wore swim shorts because I was so scared of wearing a typical bathing suit bottom (I still like swim shorts, but I don't exclusively wear them). One day I woke up with so much confidence and randomly started to love my body. Now I work out every day and am even more muscular. Love yourselves guys
Donkey boi 2 years ago (edited)
Confidence is one of the things that takes me from a 10, to a 10 with bells and whistles.
benstella 2 years ago
Exactly right! We lived at a beautiful beach and everyear a bigger lady would be one of the first in the sea and wearing a nice swimsuit totally tanned and gorgeous! She had the confidence to just be and she looked beautiful for it! Made me change my mind and be proud of myself too!
Chickens are fluffy 2 years ago
Rolls are cute! And my stretch marks glow a golden color when the sun hits them, it's beautiful!
Charles McChristy 2 years ago
Uh, no we don't, Lizzo. Some of us go to the gym 5+ days a week and eat healthy so we do not get them.
Nicole Weymann 2 years ago
I hate to upvote you, but in all fairness you're right. However: hating sports myself and looking it I also insist that "unsightly" people do have a right to be out in public, wearing swim suits or even enjoying themselves, even if it's a strain on the scenic view. I trust your point in going to the gym is being healthy, enjoying sports, or feeling good in your own skin - not being eye candy on some creeps' beach fun sundae. So you do you, we do we, and each of us stay in our own lane.
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SadieCat17 (she/her) 2 years ago
Quite literally the exact opposite of the positive message of this post. Although it does make a great example of the type of comments you should ignore!
Load More Replies... #11
He doesn't like you because you're "mature" (see: traumatised) for your age. He likes you because you're young.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
Or to rephrase: he doesn't like you for your 'mature mind', he likes you for your childlike body.
George Costanza 2 years ago
Is a 25 yo woman "child-like"? Sorry, but no. But yeah, he likes that you're hot. Which is totally fine. Physical attraction is usually the first attraction we have to others.
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Snowhoepandapro 2 years ago
I learnt this the hard way. I didn't see it at the time. I was very young and he was a grown man.
Curry on... 2 years ago
He doesn't like you because you're mature, he likes you because you're not, which makes you 'trainable.'
#12
If people treat you badly or make you feel bad, they're not your friends. Don't put up with other people's bad behavior just because you want to have friends.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Yes. Don't put up with toxic behavior no matter who it is. "But they're FAMILY!" It doesn't matter. If they're toxic to you, eliminate them from your life. You'll be a lot happier. Oh, and don't feel guilty, either. You deserve to be happy.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
"Family" is who treats you right. No matter who they are. Don't sell yourself short by calling those who mistreat you "family".
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Alicia M 2 years ago
Something else I'm learning as I get older is if there are two sides to a story (which there always are) and someone isn't interested in hearing your side, and they have already formed an opinion without hearing your side, they are not your friend. They do not have your back, and they are not interested in knowing the truth. This person is not good for you and you should run away from people like this. They will burn you every freaking time.
madeline tansey bryson 2 years ago
I believe this but now I have NO friends at all and no family. The sad thing is I miss people, I am lonely. I reevaluate regularly I am not wrong they were toxic but.........
Black Cat 2 years ago
I found when you get rid of the toxic people in your life you automatically make room for people who will love and respect you. If you're lonely get a pet, they're way better than toxic people.
Load More Replies... Jerry Lane 2 years ago
Women friends will help you defend yourself from men but not against other women.
"When [a woman] actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect," Klein claims.
Why doesn't this happen to men? The doctor believes testosterone reduces the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, in turn, enhances them. Female friendships therefore act as a chemical antidote to stress.
#13
You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings. You don't owe him anything just because he likes you.
Multa Nocte 2 years ago
Same is true if you are in a lesbian relationship and same is true for all relationships.
Charles McChristy 2 years ago
If I had a nickel for every time a woman acted the same way towards me I could retire. Enough with the polarization. It's not helping either side.
Curry on... 2 years ago
But there's no need to be mean about if if the person isn't behaving badly.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Just one comment here. If you emotionally abuse someone, you are legally responsible for their feelings.
#14
It’s okay to say no and be firm.
Not everyone means well
Don’t settle, what another won’t do, somebody will.
Trust your gut.
You don’t have to conform to societies standards of a woman. You don’t have to shave. You don’t have to dress feminine. You don’t have to cater to men.
Once an abuser, always an abuser, red flags are there for a reason and should not be used as a “well maybe that was just how they are” argument. If you see it, it’s not going to change.
It’s not nagging if you have to repeat yourself because they won’t fix it the first time.
You don’t have to rush to have kids. That is not your only purpose. You are not on a timeline that needs to be pushed.
Being a woman doesn’t mean you owe people a conversation just because they are interested in you.
And IF YOUR A YOUNG FEMALE, even underage, THE OLDER MEN DONT LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOUR MORE MATURE THEY ARE PREDATORS.
Don’t trust men/boys with nude photos.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Everyone's path is different, so please don't judge yourself by society's expectations. And more important: Don't paint the red flags white!
Richi Weiss 2 years ago (edited)
Let's stay fair. Not all are the same!!! We are not all incels or simply a******s...
meow point1 2 years ago
It's not saying all men are like that; just stay away from the ones who are.
Load More Replies... Not-a-Clue (she/her) 2 years ago
As someone with many years working in domestic abuse, I can confidently confirm (sadly) that while most abusers are male, abuse happens across gender boundaries and regardless of sexuality. I don't know why you're getting downvoted.
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#15
Being kind and generous is important, but treat it like an oxygen bad on an airplane. Give it to yourself first, and then if you can give it to others.
I ran myself dry always giving and then starting to resent not receiving. One day a light bulb went off that resentment is about me - not everyone else. Annnd I started giving back to myself and DANG was it a game changer!
Rostit. . 2 years ago
I'm sorry. I wish you didn't feel that way. I hope someday you recognize that youre worth it.
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Dr. Watlington lists another benefit of female friendships – its power to stave off loneliness. "When we feel connected to other people, we are buffering ourselves against the detrimental effects of loneliness," the clinical psychologist writes.
#16
Men can be just as emotional and "irrational" as they claim only women are.
wowbagger 2 years ago
And many people, men or women, who sound rational are actually using very emotional reasoning cloaked in rational-sounding language and cool-seeming behavior.
David Paterson 2 years ago (edited)
It took me a long time to learn that. I listened to someone who appeared very rational, intelligent and convincing. I was totally convinced. Until I finally realised that she'd deliberately omitted a seemingly minor fact that completely invalidated her whole argument. And there have been other examples.
Load More Replies... Richi Weiss 2 years ago
I personally think men ARE more emotional and irrational and so many other things the "manhood" (kind a hate that word but can't find the right one cause I am not a native English speaker) would NEVER admit...
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 2 years ago
WHAT!? This is ridiculous. I'm not as emotional and irrational as a woman! Now my eyes are doing the water thing and I want to punch something.
David Paterson 2 years ago
This should be top of the list. I broke off a friendship with my best friend because he started to claim that women were always emotional and irrational, and that he wasn't. I couldn't stomach that attitude.
El Dee 2 years ago
And in the case of trying for children men are the 'delicate flowers' not women. So much can affect how everything 'works' for them. When both men and women realise that men are emotional (but not as demonstrative) then we will have happier and healthier men. Mothers of boys are now doing more than ever to improve this..
#17
**Love isn't hard and doesn't hurt.** If you're with someone that seriously hurts you, either intentionally or through carelessness, that's not love. Being in love with the right person is the easiest thing in the world. If you've got to fight to make it work, it fundamentally isn't working. Yes, there can be struggles that are hard, as life is hard. Supporting each other through life's hurdles is easy as f, caring about how the other person feels is easy as f. If you think the person you love hurts you, (regardless of their intention) and you tell them it hurts you, they won't do it again if they really love you.
#18
Don’t chase. Don’t try to convince. Don’t settle.
Ryyde Cade 2 years ago
This with friends and family too, if u are wanted they would put in the effort as well
David Paterson 2 years ago
Do chase. But know when to stop. Don't settle for anyone who's a worse person than you, but be realistic about your own faults.
Crazy Cookie 2 years ago
Don’t endless go after some romantically that’s not into you, but don’t stay with someone you’re not happy with
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This is especially important for older women. Marriage and family therapist Andrea Brandt, Ph.D, writes about this for Psychology Today. According to her, female friendships are often the key to happiness for older women. The downside is that we often refuse to see it as important.
#19
Periods painful enough that you have to cancel plans and/or stay home from work ARE NOT NORMAL!
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
So very true. Besides physical issues, too-painful periods can be the result of psychological trauma. Once I grew up, I learned many of the girls who'd had painful periods like me ( we went to a Catholic High School) had experienced sexual abuse, like I had.
C. Rut. 2 years ago
At the same time my endometriosis went undiagnosed for a decade because I admitted to my doctor that I had been abused so he insisted my pain was psychosomatic. It was not. Ive since had 7 surgeries and finally after removing all my lady organs I'm mostly pain free but still an abuse survivor.
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Steve Hall 2 years ago
Pain is there to tell you something is wrong. If you have a recurring pain, seek medical help.
SeaJaySea 2 years ago
really hope that's sarcastic (I don't get these things, please don't downvote!)
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Lizzy J 2 years ago (edited)
Any long term issue that is intense enough it seriously interferes with your daily life, then its defined a disability and it needs to be treated. If you only have these period cramps once in a while then i guess its ok, but if they are regular SEEK HELP. You have to be able to go to work, and you deserve medical attention to help you with that.
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Kat Hague 1 year ago
Yeah, I am a 66-year-old woman and I can’t tell you how many times I missed work because my period pain was so debilitating. by the time I was near menopause My pain got so bad I would be puking! Luckily by then I did have a doctor That would pay attention to my problems and I was able to get FMLA so I wouldn’t have days count against me . Unfortunately, my daughters have had the same painful periods and so has my granddaughter. Now that I look back on my mom‘s “headaches” I’m sure she was in a lot of pain also.
#20
You deserve to take up space. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
#21
Trust your gut. What you want and feel is valid!
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Always trust your gut! No matter how good a relationship or situation might seem, if you ever have a feeling that somethings not right, run! This is especially important for your own health, safety, and security. Don't spend one second worrying about "how it would look if you left," just leave!
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
IF THERE IS ANYTHING I COULD TELL ANY WOMAN OR YOUNG GIRL - it's trust your instincts. We may not have the upper -body strength, but we have that INTUITION. TRUST IT with all you've got. I'm an adventurous person; I've been saved so many times, looking back...
Load More Replies... David Paterson 2 years ago
Almost everything. If your gut tells you to have sex with a known murderer or torturer, don't do it. We all have a self-destructive instinct.
Load More Replies... "Human beings need relationships to survive," she writes. "Infants can die if they go too long without being held, and the elderly experience an increased risk of mortality without social interactions. Isolation and loneliness are major factors in depression and negatively affect mental, physical, and cognitive health."
#22
I am 30F, my whole life my father made me feel insignificant. I wish I would’ve known my value and worth sooner, I wish I would’ve known I didn’t need to waste time trying to convince other people I was worth it, especially when I didn’t believe it myself.
I wish I would’ve told my dad to f**k off sooner. My life has been so much better since then.
Dont chase relationships with people who don’t see the value of having a relationship with you and privilege it is to be involved in your life- no matter who it is.
#23
Guessing this is going to be wildly unpopular, but here's mine from 20+ years of working in corporate jobs: The business world is still very much set up to reward youth and beauty when it comes to women. When I was young I thought all my promotions and pay increases were solely the result of my talent and hard work. Now that I'm older I realize that the road gets harder and steeper once men stop seeing you as a fun, non-threatening sidekick and start seeing you as one of their peers. I say this fully realizing being a young woman in business comes with its own set of problems, but my advice is to leverage this as much as you can while you can (without being gross or compromising your principles, obviously) because it gets harder as you get older.
El Dee 2 years ago
This was a thing that was outed in my country's banking system. Young women were quickly promoted to work behind the counter and deal with customers. It took men much longer to reach that level. But once there women were stuck and men still managed to move upwards with the same 'ease'
The Darkest Timeline 2 years ago
Newsflash: the entire world responds more positively to attractive people; life is easier when you’re beautiful, man or woman.
David Paterson 2 years ago
The road gets harder and steeper for men, too, when others stop seeing you as a fun non-threatening sidekick and start seeing you as a competitor.
#24
Decide what YOU really want now and for your future. Doesnt have to be detailed. Just a general idea of what you are and are not willing to have in your future. Then make the big decisions accordingly.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
You don't have to decide! You can just wing it with the goal to 'be content'.
DOD2557 1 year ago
And, it's ok to change your course if you need to. Nothing is carved in stone. If you start down one path but it doesn't feel as right or engaging as you expected. Don't get stuck in something that doesn't serve you or allow you to express the very best of who you are and your talents.
Whether we're young or old, knowing that we're part of one big sisterhood can help our mental health a great deal. Female friendships are on a whole other level and that's backed up by science.
It's like Beyonce said: "I love my husband, but it is nothing like a conversation with a woman that understands you. I grow so much from those conversations."
#25
Wear whatever the f**k you want. Men are going to treat you s****y no matter what you wear.
Decent people don’t give a s**t about clothes, and they wont care if you dress like a weirdo or a bimbo or a f*****g astronaut.
El Dee 2 years ago
And please, stop judging other women for what they wear. You don't want to wear it? No one's making you..
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
That's it. I'm wearing wizard robes every day. The next Harry Potter early release party is likely never and that's how I make friends
David Paterson 2 years ago
Men don't give a s**t about clothes (unless they're a salesman). Women are the ones who judge the dress of others.
#26
To love myself first and foremost. I feel like it is a common thing for a woman to learn to put others’ needs before one’s, and I wish I knew earlier that it doesn’t work that way.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
So true. You can't be your best self for others if you're not your best self. Lose the guilt and take care of yourself first.
Multa Nocte 2 years ago
If you can't take care of yourself, how are you ever going to take care of others?
Load More Replies... #27
Your body will keep changing, learn to accept that. If he really wanted you in his life, you would be in his life. You'd never have to guess. Be conservative with your trust in others, don't trust people liberally. Don't settle. There's always someone/something better around the corner.
Diolla 2 years ago
"There's always someone/something better around the corner." What kind of mentality is that.
Anna Ekberg 2 years ago (edited)
I think they mean if you are not happy in your current situation and it's not fixable.
Load More Replies... Cyber 2 years ago
If someone only loves you for your body, they aren't the one. True love comes from the soul.
DOD2557 1 year ago
Or stops loving you because you had a baby and now you have stretch marks and your breasts aren't as perky.
Load More Replies... #28
Words are cheap, actions are expensive.
You can say anything you want but to actually DO the thing takes actual effort and, for important things, sacrifice. Don't accept the words. Only accept the actions.
#29
Ask yourself regularly, is this something I really want to do or am I only doing it because I feel I have to/other people expect me to. Ask yourself questions about why you feel how you do about things, and where those thoughts come from. Knowing yourself is the most amazing thing. Even when the questions and answers are scary, don’t run away from them. If you truly want to be happy you’ll have to put in the emotional work at some point and it’s much easier to do it young.
Workout not to be skinny but to be strong. The best time to get strong is now, because it gets harder quickly in the future. 5 minutes is a million times better than zero.
El Dee 2 years ago
Inertia keeps people in bad jobs and bad relationships. We'd rather be comfortable than happy but take a risk to make it happen. Eat well and exercise to feel good and be healthy. Your weight is a side effect of doing this. Remember, no one who truly loves you has fallen in love with your dress size..
Papa 2 years ago
The first sentence can be misleading. Avoiding doing the things you don't want to do can result in avoiding legitimate responsibilities.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
CONTEXT is... EVERYTHING. We're not talking here about responsibilities. We're talking about "following the crowd" which is never AUTHENTIC; never RIGHT FOR YOU; and never, ever - BENEFICIAL.
Load More Replies... #30
Relax. Things will happen at their own pace. Don’t stress yourself out thinking you have to have everything early on. It will come.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Don't stress about having money in retirement. People with a lot less money than you survive retirement.
#31
You are not as strong as you think against a man. I learned that the hard way as a young woman. I was healthy, worked out, pushed and worked on propane buffers, was strong and fit...still nearly got kidnapped by a scrawny tweaker
Austin L 2 years ago
Those tweakers have super-human strength and don't get tired. It's why they gave a bunch of the same class of drugs to German soldiers during WW2.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
No such thing a "fair fight" against ANYONE who's trying to harm you. Go for the weak spots IMMEDIATELY. Learn them, practice them so muscle memory takes over in a situation. Also TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT always - and don't try to save a few minutes by compromising your safety. Take the long way. Ask for an escort. Don't be "nice" and volunteer information if it puts you in potential danger. Be skeptical. At the same time, look everyone in the eye, briefly - noting them. Nod if it's apropos. Carry yourself as if you can kick a*s and most predators will back off - no matter how slim/short/tiny you are. THEY have certain traits they look out for - so if you have none, they'll look for an easier target.
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El Dee 2 years ago
Men naturally come with more muscle mass. It's not fair but I know it's something to do with male hormones. If you work out like a demon you will be like the average guy who doesn't do too much. But women come with much more natural stamina - remember this..
David Paterson 2 years ago
That said, men are fragile. Hit them in a weak spot and they'll collapse crying. The trick is knowing where the weak spots are, there are about ten of them.
Load More Replies... #32
You're better off all alone than around anyone who isn't good for you. Being kind to people who'd never in a million years reciprocate isn't going to get you anywhere. People aren't your friends or automatically deserving of support just because you happen to share something, be it gender, hobbies, opinions or something else.
Multa Nocte 2 years ago
"Being kind to people who'd never in a million years reciprocate isn't going to get you anywhere." This is true if you look at relationships as ways to earn brownie points instead of just trying to be kind to everyone in general.
#33
Adult friendships shouldn’t be difficult.
Sometimes the thing we need most is the thing we’re resisting or not attracted to initially.
Surround yourself with people who put effort in. Do an audit of your relationships every few years and allocate your time to those who reciprocate.
Words mean nothing. Actions are everything.
Sometimes you can’t see the light through the clouds. But it’s always there.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Exactly! Actions mean far more than words. If you're always the one to get in touch with a friend and they never initiate it, please reevaluate the friendship.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
I'd like to add a CAVEAT. How does the person act when you do call them? Are they happy to hear from you? Do they show you appreciation in other ways? A lot of my friends call me more than I do them - it's because I write and often, cannot take the time to chit-chat. But I usually either - take the call, or text them a time that I will call, and I do. So IN GENERAL, yes; in SPECIFICITY, no.
Load More Replies... CanadianDimes 2 years ago
One thing I’m just learning - in my mid 40s - is that it’s ok to feel disappointed. I don’t mean it’s okay for people to disappoint me but rather if something I was looking forward to falls through because of someone else, it is okay to be disappointed by that - and with the person who caused it to fall through if it was something they had reasonable control over.
#34
You don't need to be "polite" and let other people step over you physically and emotionally. We're allowed to express our feelings and needs without "feeling bad".
#35
If, even just in the back of your head, it feels like abuse, it’s abuse, and they won’t change.
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 2 years ago
But what if I try really hard this time to be better for them? Surely they'll make space for me this time? She says this time is different, so it probably will be? Sigh, I know. I do. I still can't leave.
#36
Never ever take drinks from men in bars.
Tobias Reaper 2 years ago
this should probably be dont take drinks from men in bars that you dont know
#37
Love yourself before you try to love someone else.
And if they don’t want you, it isn’t your fault.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
You have to be OKAY with some people not loving you. You have to even be proud of those whom you know are your enemies. It tells you what you stand for. If you're a very truthful person and liars hate you - is that a bad thing?
#38
Listen to yourself more. Don’t listen to people telling you you are not suitable for this or that even if that person is your own mother. The chances are they are projecting their own inability to you.
#39
You do not have to be the person that fixes the world. You can do your best and that is plenty.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
No one person can fix the world. No amount of giving will ever be “enough”. Do what you reasonably can and know you are doing good.
David Paterson 2 years ago
No committee can fix the world. A single person alone actually has more chance of success.
Load More Replies... #40
Be social. Even if you aren’t social. Even if you don’t want to be social. Make friends now because it’ll be 10 times harder when you’re an adult.
If you don’t make an effort to make connections, you’ll end up being lonely, which might seem fine when you’re younger, but the come down is brutal.
Make friends.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Being alone and being lonely are two different things. I enjoy my alone time, but have never felt lonely. I also know I'm not like others. I don't need to be social, but yes, I do have friends; a few from my early years, but also new ones I made recently during my "advanced" years.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Same here. I might add - when you value your alone time, you are more valued socially.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 2 years ago
I've spent at least three weekends in a row by myself (partner had to work), and I have a hobby that I enjoy doing so much that I chose that hobby over hanging out with friends. I love my friends, but I regret nothing :p
#41
Take care of your body first. No I am not talking about being fat or being thin is good or not. Try becoming healthy. Eat fresh and nutritious foods. Mark your cycles in an app or calender. Monitor them closely. Do yoga. Stretch. Do cardio strength training. Go on long walks. Meditate. Breath deeply. Be active. Prioritize sleep over people. Drink a lot of water. It keeps your skin healthy. Take care of yourself, groom and shine... have some herbal tea as the day ends. Unwind babe! This body is everything you got. Sound mind lives in a sound body. You will rock in every domain of your life once you get hold on this one. Find your Muse! Love yourself a lot. Talk positivity to yourself like you talk to your babies that's how you soft you got to be with yourself. Find a way to channelize your creative energy, have a hobby. Respect and care for those you love and those who stand by you no matter what. Cut off toxic people. Limit social media use. Instagram isn't real. Social media is bluff. Go near the nature. Look at the night sky...listen to your favorite music. Explore.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago (edited)
Actually, NO. Self-care makes everything easier and puts all in proper perspective. So, if it's a full-time job; it's the ONLY full-time job that pays you LIFE-LONG. And if you feel it's "stressful"; that's a sign of mental/trauma and/or exhaustion. After COVID, and Long COVID - I HATED putting face-cream and/or lotion on my skin. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed. I realized that I had been physiologically damaged by it and started using only very fragrant (natural) body care - NO SYNTHETICS - to fool myself into loving my routine again. I'm getting better at it. Right now, I'm wearing a Jasmine scented oil and I feel 100% better. It's been a 2-year struggle.
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#42
Actions always speak louder than words. Always.
Jay Scales 2 years ago
My ex told me he loved me most days - whilst treating me like c**p. Took me ages to figure it out.
David Paterson 2 years ago
This is the third post on this list that says the same thing. It must be true.
#43
Stepping away is an important form of self care.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
DETACHMENT: "Teach us to care and not to care. Teach us to be still." T.S. Elliot .
El Dee 2 years ago
'Stepping away', 'leaving' or getting divorced are NOT a sign of failure. They are successfully realising that something has come to an end. Neither does it invalidate the good times you had nor make the other party a bad person (of course they COULD be) doing what's best means leaving things behind sometimes. This is positive..
#45
Put yourself first. Everyone else does. You should be number 1 to you. Eat well, sleep well. Treat your body well. Treat your mind well. Learn to be alone for a while. You don’t need to be in a relationship all the time. Take a vacation alone. Go to a restaurant alone. Read that book you want. Save money, yes, but have some fun money. For those shoes you want, or earrings, or bag. Quality clothes are worth it and will last you a long time. Knock off shows and bags are A OKAY. And at the end of the day, no one remembers that small mistake you made. You make an impression on those that care.
#46
You don’t HAVE to do anything.
I apparently said it to a friend, it resonated with her and she told me how impactful “that thing I said had been”. I had zero idea what she was talking about, so she recounted the conversation back to me. Fast forward a couple of years and I’m rewatching an old favorite tv show of mine. Very first episode, in a conversation between two of the main characters “you don’t HAVE to do anything”. Funny how it lived in my subconscious for years and came out at the precise moment to the friend that would remember it.
#47
I tell everyone to marry smarter not harder. If they make your life harder, emotionally or financially don't, And no it's not marry richer because I know plenty of rich people that make their own lives harder and financially irresponsible.
#48
Some things are not forever.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Actually, most things are not forever. (Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer, but that's the reality.)
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Disagree - only because energy cannot be destroyed or created. It continues on in one form or another. Some things are forever. So does that mean what is most authentic, continues on...? Quantum Physics states that time is simultaneous in higher dimensions.
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#50
don’t let people humiliate you
#51
Don't let embarrassment or awkwardness make you feel like you can't say no. You don't owe anyone your time, your emotions or your body.
#52
Use your voice, and be your biggest advocate because people WILL walk over you if you let them
wowbagger 2 years ago
And it doesn't mean other people are a bunch of selfish jerks. They're just taking the path of least resistance. You seem happy to do them a favor, and you always say yes to things? Then of course they're going to ask you first. Multiply that by all your co-workers or all your friends, and pretty soon your schedule is full of things you agreed to do for other people. They don't necessarily realize that; you have to set your own boundaries.
#53
When you state something that bothers you or is a problem to you, it is not your responsibility to repeat yourself if the person respected you then they would had stop/done it on the spot. Especially in relationship.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Advice from a man's point of view here. The type of woman that every man hates most is a nag. Do repeat yourself once. Hardly ever twice, and never three times or more.
#54
Being beautiful is not my job or career, so I should stop treating it like it. I used to be incredibly invested in looking beautiful, I'd stare at my face in the mirror often nitpicking everything thinking about what I would change. But my value doesn't come from being beautiful, I grew up around prettier women my whole life and got a complex from it, later realized that they don't have it any better than me, they still experienced disrespect from men, and harassment, and while they weren't as lonely as me, they experienced more disrespect and objectification than I did. I realized that it was no woman's job to look beautiful for men, or for anyone. After accepting this, I started gaining a more body neutral perspective and started liking my features, even if they hadn't changed all that much.
#55
Just because she acts like your mom, does not mean she has your best interests in mind. Even mothers compete with their daughters and some of them really hate to lose.
#56
The lows are more telling than the highs. Love should not be a roller coaster. Good love should be a stroll on the beach.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
I'm not so sure about this one. All loving relationships have their ups and downs. The strongest couples have learned how to deal with the lows; the highs are generally the easy part. Life throws us a lot of curves.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
It all depends on what the "lows" are. Abuse is never okay. Infidelity - of any kind - is the worst because it's a breach of trust which affects one financially, mentally, emotionally. BUT if a low is illness, or unemployment, or extended family estrangement /complications - then yes, it all can be healed, negotiated and resolved.
Load More Replies... #57
Don’t live your life trying to please adults that you don’t want to disappoint. Your mom thinks your career choice is stupid? Dad thinks your boyfriend sucks? Sister thinks that haircut won’t work on you? Do what you want. They don’t know nearly as much as you think and ultimately you’re the one who has to live with the inevitable regret of not trusting yourself.
Judes 2 years ago
This depends...maybe the boyfriend really does suck, and maybe you're deluded about your chosen career. If someone is trying to tell you something is wrong, it doesn't mean that they are doing this just because you're disappointing them, it could mean that they are seriously concerned about your safety or financial security. If someone cares about you is trying to give advice, then at least hear them out and consider what they are saying. It's ultimately up to you to decide what to do with their advice, but don't immediately dismiss it.
Helen Bennett 2 years ago
And if two unconnected trusted people tell you the same thing, listen. What Judes said.
Load More Replies... #58
Love isn‘t sacrifice and pain for a woman. Your parents were just caught in a painful, codependent marriage.
David Paterson 2 years ago
I've never understood the objection to codependency. If a couple can't depend on each other then why are they married?
#59
Trust your gut feelings. I wish I didn’t ignore that so many times. I would’ve spared myself so much trouble and suffering.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Trust your gut feelings when you're sober. Don't trust your gut feelings when you're drunk.
#60
Don’t keep problematic and toxic people in your life purely out of loyalty. Or because they do brief self serving kind gestures. It’s not worth them being an energy vampire. It’s not worth your mental health and the detriment that it causes you. Cut them off or distance yourself. The relief you will feel is so redeeming.
David Paterson 2 years ago (edited)
Do keep parents in your life as long as you can. Don't run away at age 13. Stay until age 18 or longer if you can. Don't keep people you love in your life if they emotionally abuse you. If your parents hate your partner - they're probably right.
#62
You should put your feelings first. A ted talk I watched described how we are always so concerned about other person liking us and we mould ourselves that way, that we forget to ask ourselves if we like them
#63
Friends will always be more important than a new boy.
Sometimes those friendships don't last, and you end up thinking "I should've picked the boy".... no, you made the right call.
No boy will give you in 1 year what a quality friend can give you in at least half the time x
#64
If they have to choose between you and anyone when you really need them they aren’t worth your time. Walk away and never look back.
Deborah B 2 years ago
Not true. If you really need your partner, friend or family member, and they have something more important or urgent, consider their situation, before writing them off. Sometimes people are pulled in two directions, and you are not their top priority in that moment, that doesn't mean the relationship is worthless. If you're having an emotional crisis, and need your boyfriend for support, but his mum calls because his dad has just been involved in a car accident and is having emergency surgery he is unlikely to survive, and he has to go support her instead, that doesn't mean you should dump him. If he leaves to go play GTA with his homie, that's an issue.
David Paterson 2 years ago
Don't cry wolf. Don't pretend to have an emotional crisis just to get attention. Because then when you have a real emotional crisis he'll think you're just pretending again.
Load More Replies... #68
Don’t settle! You really can and will get exactly what you want- in a man, a job, in life. As long as u don’t settle. Even if you’ve already wasted 5-10 years with a man or a job. Don’t settle. Life is waiting for you!
#69
Men just aren’t for you. Try dating women instead.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
You can't change sexual identity for convenience. Either you're Bi/Lesbian - or you're not. So if the men you're dating aren't "quality" and dating women just doesn't appeal to you - you might need to UPGRADE your standards. Take a break; decide who you are and what you want and then, don't settle.
Load More Replies... #70
You have agency to change any situation in your life. You are in the drivers seat? Hate your body? Change it! Feel dissatisfied with your social life? Change it! You control your reality and make choices. Nobody can make you feel any type of way without your consent.
What do you think ?
Diolla 2 years ago (edited)
There are various posts that say "don't settle". So you should NEVER be satisfied and ALWAYS look for someone/ something better? How can you ever build a lasting relationship? Do you have to stay on Tinder your entire life? Sigh. Well maybe my English is not good enough to understand what "don't settle" really means.
lily jones 2 years ago
maybe they mean don't settle for not good enough, rather than don't settle for perfect
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Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
So many of these are about saying 'no', when the reason we can't directly say it is often due to the fact that men don't accept 'no' from a woman (either because they often ignore it, treat it to mean 'convince me', or out of fear that he'll be that guy who responds to rejection with violence).
David Paterson 2 years ago (edited)
As a man, I have been friends with a woman who said no, and I took that no completely at face value. It wasn't what she wanted, she wanted me to treat her no as a yes. And I've known a woman who said yes when she meant no.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 2 years ago
Love your body, it's doing it's best. Also, f*ck aesthetics, wear what you want.
lily jones 2 years ago
but if you like a particular aesthetic then wear it, even if someone tells you not to
Load More Replies... David Paterson 2 years ago
As a man, I have some great advice for women, well for both sexes actually. Don't drink and date, if you're too drunk to drive then you're too drunk to date. Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are, yes I know they're great fun, but they'll drive you up the wall faster than a squirrel can climb it. Don't nag. A partner is not a baby, don't go steady with one who is. Love is not to be trusted, some people get you to love them as the bait for a snare. All three genders can be equally wicked.
Diolla 2 years ago (edited)
There are various posts that say "don't settle". So you should NEVER be satisfied and ALWAYS look for someone/ something better? How can you ever build a lasting relationship? Do you have to stay on Tinder your entire life? Sigh. Well maybe my English is not good enough to understand what "don't settle" really means.
lily jones 2 years ago
maybe they mean don't settle for not good enough, rather than don't settle for perfect
Load More Replies... Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
So many of these are about saying 'no', when the reason we can't directly say it is often due to the fact that men don't accept 'no' from a woman (either because they often ignore it, treat it to mean 'convince me', or out of fear that he'll be that guy who responds to rejection with violence).
David Paterson 2 years ago (edited)
As a man, I have been friends with a woman who said no, and I took that no completely at face value. It wasn't what she wanted, she wanted me to treat her no as a yes. And I've known a woman who said yes when she meant no.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 2 years ago
Love your body, it's doing it's best. Also, f*ck aesthetics, wear what you want.
lily jones 2 years ago
but if you like a particular aesthetic then wear it, even if someone tells you not to
Load More Replies... David Paterson 2 years ago
As a man, I have some great advice for women, well for both sexes actually. Don't drink and date, if you're too drunk to drive then you're too drunk to date. Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are, yes I know they're great fun, but they'll drive you up the wall faster than a squirrel can climb it. Don't nag. A partner is not a baby, don't go steady with one who is. Love is not to be trusted, some people get you to love them as the bait for a snare. All three genders can be equally wicked.
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