Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“We Know What Toxic Masculinity Looks Like, What Does Toxic Femininity Look Like?” (44 Answers)
We are quick to call out the bad guys for their toxic masculinity. But sometimes we overlook the women who are adding to the discourse. And dampening the spirits of other girls in their tribe...
Ladies who judge ladies for deciding to be child-free. Girls who criticize girls for wearing too much make-up, or not enough... Mothers that call out moms who opted for a C-section, or didn’t breastfeed. Often, women don't even realise how harmful their remarks or actions are.
But thankfully there's a whole movement of women standing up, and calling out, toxic femininity. They're shouting loud, for those at the back. Naming the behaviors and traits that need to go down the drain.
Someone recently asked, "We know what toxic masculinity looks like -- what does toxic femininity look like to you?" and netizens didn't hold back. Bored Panda has put together a list of the best replies, and some might surprise you. Upvote the ones you agree with, and feel free to add your own views in the comments section below.
This post may include affiliate links.
If you're a woman, there's a good chance you might agree that it's not an easy road to walk. Or run. We carry a lot on our shoulders, and in our wombs, and get little thanks in return. So why then do we make life even harder for our fellow women?
Toxic femininity refers to a "rigid and repressive definition of womanhood, including pressures women face to restrict themselves to stereotypically feminine traits and characteristics." That's according to VeryWellMind. The site adds that toxic femininity is also the "adherence to the gender binary to receive conditional value in patriarchal societies."
Basically, women feel they must behave in very traditional, "feminine" ways in order to hold a place in society, or be valued in a male-dominated world.
RELATED:
#2
The constant man-hating. The women who in every single situation just suddenly go off and start yelling about how terrible all men are ever, when the situation doesn't actually have anything to do with it.
R Dennis 4 months ago
I mentioned on BP about helping my daughter with her struggles during her menstrual cycle. I discussed it with her mom and we talked to her together... she DOES get emotionally sensitive at the time. We had an open, loving talk about it and came away from it in a good place. At least two women on here attacked me "How DARE you say that!" "How DARE you, as A MAN, talk to your daughter, A WOMAN, about something you don't experience!" Ffs, I'm her father and wanted to help her with her sadness and frustration... I should just let her suffer and pretend she isn't?!
#3
Ignoring women's childfree choices...'you might change your mind' or 'you never know...'.
Us ladies are told we must be gentle, quiet, and self-sacrificing. We have to have empathy, sensitivity, and gracefulness. Be a good girl... Put up with sh*t at the expense of our happiness. All of these beliefs limit women from being their true selves. Or living their best (authentic) lives.
"If toxic masculinity encourages violence and domination in order to uphold an unequal power dynamic, then toxic femininity supports silent acceptance of violence and domination in order to survive," explains VeryWellMind.
#4
I’m going to add to this in a very specific way. BOY MOM S**T.
When mother in laws side with their sons rather than their daughter in law even though the son is very obviously in the wrong or equally at fault. Mothers should be able to view their children, male or female, with a clear lens. You are not being a protective mother, you are being toxic. You are failing yourself, your son and their relationship because you are incapable of seeing that your son has flaws and is capable of making bad decisions like everyone else on earth. Now, other family members shouldn’t even be involved in most disagreements or arguments, but IF they happen to be, they either need to stay out of it or treat each side with understanding.
Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be an argument between the couple. It could even be something that just happens to upset/bother the mother.
My own mom has blamed my sister in laws for joint marriage decisions. They spent too much money? Automatically the woman’s fault. They eat out too much? Daughter in law should be cooking more. Kid has a cavity? Why isn’t daughter in law brushing their teeth better?!
Somehow, it falls on women. I’ve seen it within my own family and many others.
Toxic s**t.
PandaPadi 4 months ago
Oh my, thats so true. The number of time I get blamed for everything I could have done better for my kid especially when I was a single mum- my child catch a flu at school, I get blamed for it, child falls down while playing, I get blamed. While her bio dad is a deadbeat and I dont remember anyone saying anything about it.
#5
-Judging women for wearing makeup and also in turn judging women for not wearing makeup.
-Other women enforcing and judging for not fitting into societal beauty standards, I have a coworker who dresses more on the casual side for work and gets judged for it even though it’s not an issue for any authority figures at my job
-judging other women for choosing to be childless
-judging other women for choosing to be housewives
-writing off other women’s struggles and emotions that involve a toxic spouse, siding with the man because “girls are crazy”
-mothers of adult women treating them like they have no worth if they aren’t married and catering to their husbands
-expectations of weight and overall appearances that are enforced by other women
Internalized misogyny makes me so sad when I witness it in real time from the women in my life. There’s so much pressure from every angle to be a certain way, act a certain way. You’re either too much or not enough as a woman.
Becca not Becky 4 months ago
100% this. If women are making the best decisions for themselves without hurting anyone, why judge?
Toxic masculinity states that men are tough. There's no time for tears or softness. And certainly no place for "girly" emotions, or anything considered feminine...
But toxic femininity isn't so far from it. It pressures women to be "quiet, nurturing, submissive, and attractive," notes the site, adding that 'womanhood' in this instance is defined in a "very shallow manner that objectifies and harms women."
#7
I once had a stranger (woman) in a restaurant compliment my shirt and tell me the color looked good on me. I immediately thought she was making fun of me somehow and being a “mean girl”. Because that’s how other girls/women treated me my whole life. She was just being nice. The mean girl mentality is toxic and definitely scarred me. I’ve since made friends with women who lift me up as friends should. We need to stop being judgy a******s to each other.
Susie Elle 4 months ago
Ooof, same! It was so normal in my youth that my brain almost automatically goes towards something unfriendly, I hate it.
#8
Judging other women for their appearance. Being agist. Judging women for what they wear.
Papa 4 months ago (edited)
I think the thing about two women not wanting to be seen wearing the same dress at an event, or a celebrity wearing clothing she's been seen in before, is similar to this. You can bet that any criticism they get about it comes from other women. Men probably didn't even notice, and if they did they didn't care.
#9
Mormon trad wives influencers who think their performative homesteading and raising 10+ children is peak feminism. When really the patriarchal and deeply oppressive systems they were born into and brainwashed by their entire lives = they never had any other choice.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
ORRR! This is actually what they want, and they are happy, and that's totally fine for them to live that way. But they shouldn't also be telling women who DON'T live that way that they are wrong.
Toxic femininity seems to be ever-changing... One minute, women are lauded for the being child-free, the next they are chastized. Today, women must wear make-up to work, tomorrow, they're criticized for wearing too much.
"Women who adhere to toxic femininity may be rewarded in society, and those who do not may be punished, which is a dynamic enforced by those with power to maintain their power," notes VeryWellMind.
#10
Women should know how to cook, clean and care for kids just because they are women. As if we were born with a broom in one hand and a pot in the other.
"Rather than encouraging, supporting, and celebrating women to be fully expressed as they are, toxic femininity pressures women to feel apologetic, confused, and ashamed for their non-gender stereotype-confirming thoughts, ideas, and beliefs," cautions the site.
And what happens? Some women don't do perfectly normal things, like speaking up for themselves or showing confidence, because they're scared of being judged.
#13
Skinny women not able to talk about their issues because "they have none if they are skinny"
Im sorry? Yes we do. Ive had eating disorders my whole life and been underweight but ya know who cares bc its related to being skinny.
Also the whole "housewife" thing, just because im a woman does not mean i should stay home and cook, take care of a child and clean. I want to work.
Child of the Stars 4 months ago
I lost 25 pounds after my son was born because I developed a thyroid disorder. The number of women who expressed their envy was startling. Dude, my thyroid tried to K.ILL ME postpartum, it wasn't something to celebrate.
#14
"Women weren't meant to...", generally followed by nonsense designed to make us weak, dependent and without societal power. I really, really worry about a lot of "soft life" content geared towards women because of this. Like, yes, hustle culture is toxic and folks should be ok not constantly running the corporate rat race, but the problem is capitalism, not your menstrual cycle.
Do you REALLY think your homemaker foremothers weren't working hard even during their luteal phase? My grandmother was a grown a*s adult before she had a washing machine and I assure you, keeping a home was hard a*s physical work. My grandparents and parents were bound and determined that I get an education BECAUSE they realized that office work was so much easier. Unless your ancestors were wealthy, they ALWAYS worked very hard.
Susie Elle 4 months ago (edited)
Being a homemaker before, say, the 70's was hard af. It still is, but for a whole other set of reasons. EDIT: No, let me rephrase; I don't think in any point in history homemaking was ever easy or not-work.
#15
Toxic femininity….being overly passive and people pleasing. Petty, gossipy and backstabbing.
Helpless damsel in distress who can’t do anything without a “big strong man.”
Disempowers herself. Manipulative, especially with emotions. Judgmental. Mean girl energy.
Magna Linnevers 4 months ago
Sadly I’m a damsel in distress because I’m too dang short to do anything…
#16
Pick-me behavior; “I’m not like other girls because I like (insert stereotypically male hobby here), and that alone makes me better than other women”.
Magna Linnevers 4 months ago
I’m a tomboy, granted at my age it doesn’t matter, but through my whole life I never advertised it. It was just me, it either worked for other people or it didn’t. Been with the same man for 25 yrs and we have “his & hers” circular saws because we both love wood working. He’s a lefty.
#18
Helpless princess - in need of rescue all the time.
BeesEelsAndPups 4 months ago
I see this problem in men far more often than in women. Too many men don't know how to care for themselves
#19
Smother Mothers. Moms who keep their kids dependent to them so they are always needed. Classic cause of failure to launch.
/justnomil is just full of them.
#20
If toxic masculinity is men shaming men for being not stereotypically masculine enough, toxic femininity is shaming other women for not being stereotypically feminine enough examples:
S**t shaming other women for not being stereotypically demure and also shaming partners who have a higher s*x than they do for wanting to sleep with them, because women aren't supposed to want s*x.
Being miserable as a parent but trying to get child-free women to have babies too, and having children to avoid getting a job.
Being rude to people in public, safe in the knowledge they won't get assaulted for it,becayse they're a weak and feeble woman.
Being critical of other women's looks, for not being feminine enough (or of men, for being too feminine).
#21
“Mean Girl” behavior, such as being catty, making backhanded remarks, talking behind people’s backs… Also that whole “I’m not like other girls” mindset.
Crystalwitch60 4 months ago
My mindset on women talking about me behind my back is , they are sensible enough not to say it to my face !!!! 😂
#22
Supporting women's wrongdoings.
Being held accountable should be an equal matter.
#23
The sense of superiority some women have for performing "femininity" better. The gender roles are what makes it so toxic on both ends. "You're not a real woman unless/until _____" (had kids, got married, whatever).
#24
Women who weaponize their anger, entitlement and tears.
#25
Trad wives, boy moms, dissing women who don't have kids for whatever reason, body shaming, dissing mothers who have c sections, dissing mothers who can't breastfeed, gatekeeping trans women,.
#26
I see so many women treat men like utter garbage now. Women are angry and thats understandable, but omg some of the man hating posts I see are insane. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Amanda Reinstatler 4 months ago
And saying that "All Xes are this and if you are Y then you are THAT. You cannot define ALL by looking at ONE
#27
The first thing that comes to mind is the whole "I'm just a girl" thing. It's toxic because the repetition and ubiquity of the "tee-hee, women aren't people!" nonsense can normalize "women aren't people" in people at large. F**k off. That's not the point of the song and that's also not cute.
Edit: Also! This has already been said elsewhere in this thread but I want to echo it: Toxic femininity is also excluding trans women, or insisting that being assigned female at birth is the be-all and end-all of being a woman. Trans women are women. Trans men are men.
**Second Edit:** Idgaf why you, personally, use the phrase "I'm just a girl" and why your own personal use is *totally* not toxic femininity and *totally* doesn't contribute to other people accepting the idea that women aren't people. I answered the OP's question. Move along.
#28
I think that would be women who try to control other women’s choices. Ones who say everyone should have a big family and ones who say all women should reject traditional lives.
Also women who use feminism as an excuse to hate men and women who use things like false (TW) >!r**e!< accusations to control men.
#29
Im gonna say it, but transphobia. A lot of ciswomen don’t accept trans women because “they can’t give birth” or “have periods” or havent “suffered the way real women do” but I think attributing the experience of being a “real” woman only to the fact that we suffer discredits the beautiful things about womanhood and the way we experience the world. We don’t have to suffer to be considered a woman, we just have to live as truly as we can in any way that feels true!! And i think toxic femininity is attributing our experience to the harm we face.
#30
The whole "divine femininity" b******t that I see all over TikTok. I'm sick of seeing these videos of "empowered" women talking about how to find a man in his "masculinity" so you can reach your "divine feminine." And then it's being touted as feminism. Give me a break.
Susie Elle 4 months ago
We all take a sh*t every day (or other day, or week), is what my mom used to say, lmao
#31
Ironically, a lot of the women who talk about toxic masculinity. The ones who call anything a man says “mansplaining” or make broad, sweeping statements about what men are or are not capable of. It’s mind blowing that they don’t see the issue in this line of thinking.
Susie Elle 4 months ago
I'm so done with the mansplaining trope. Not everything that comes out of a man's mouth is mansplaining, sometimes people just want to tell you something while unaware you're actually very knowledgable on said topic. And no, I'm not 'nOT lIkE othEr gIrlS', I'm just tired and cranky, lmao
#32
Assuming there is only one way to be a woman like having children, wearing makeup, wearing dresses, tearing other women down for not wanting to do the incredible amount of grooming (shaving, eyebrows covering your greys etc) we are expected to do.
#33
Judging women for being traditionally feminine.
#34
Looking down upon women in their 30s and 40s who choose to be childless.
Child of the Stars 4 months ago
I hate the term "childless," as if not being a parent means you're missing something meaningful. And I say this as a mother of two who enjoys the whole experience of parenting. My best friend is childfree, and they have a lot of fulfillment in their life. It's just a different choice they made.
#35
Any form of "you can't be a woman if X" type s**t. Anything that says womanhood and feminity has to be expressed/experienced a specific way.
This can be anything from discriminating against trans women to enforcing toxic beauty standards that are incompatible with the human body.
Its hard enough to be a woman as it is, toxic feminity just makes it harder by trying to cut down other women to feel a sense of superiority.
#36
Women who purposely act dumb or less than to be liked, usually by men. Aka the pick me's.
#37
I think both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity would stem from following classical patriarchal values. Men can’t show emotions, women should be submissive and in the kitchen, etc etc.
Amanda Reinstatler 4 months ago
We get so many things wrong simply by overcompensating.....something is wrong, and we go waaaay too far to fix it. So its different, but its still WRONG. We need balance.
#38
Insisting certain characteristics make you a "real woman" (having a uterus, having kids, being married, etc.).
Aileen Grist 4 months ago
I'm a born woman - I'm now 70. I've never been able to have children, I'm obese and I've been shaving my face since I was a teenager. I've been accused of not being a 'real' woman many times.
#39
Thinking being a woman makes you innately anything and every woman has to nurture/be even tempered/love kids/sacrifice/want to be pretty/be sweet etc. etc. to be worthy. In the same way, they think men also are innately anything, making it a toxic environment for everybody that doesn't naturally fit the mold. .
#40
Tomi Lahren, Laura Loomer, and all the trad wife influencers. Internalized misogyny and denial.
That tired person 4 months ago
I dont mind the trad wife thing but only if YOU consent to it and only if your partner is providing you with enough money to do what you want to do
#41
“Divine femininity” as a thing to attract “high value” men. The idea that being assertive or independent means you are acting “masculine,” which will make you unattractive to men. This also ties into the trad wife and SAHgf trends on social media these days.
Child of the Stars 4 months ago
I despise the whole "goddess" thing on the flip side. I'm not a goddess, nor am I a servant to anyone. I'm just a person who happens to have the female reproductive organs, nothing more or less.
#42
- The attitude that motherhood is some sort of higher calling that all women should aspire to and be honored to participate in, and that any women who doesn't want to be a mother, or doesn't want to be pregnant, or "takes the easy way out" (by having a C-section or using formula or having medical care at all, etc.) is *less than*; that pregnancy and motherhood are supposed to be painful and unpleasant and we shouldn't expect our partners to help or share any of the burden, because it's just our lot in life to suffer and sacrifice in silence.
- That women are a monolith and all have the same stereotypical interests: pink and sparkly things, shopping, beauty, skincare, getting their nails done, fashion, expensive jewelry and handbags and shoes. Women who don't share these are seen as "unusual" or "tomboys".
- That women should all aspire to the physical "feminine ideals" of being thin (but not too thin) with developed breasts, hips, and butt, long hair, tasteful makeup, little to no body hair, small hands and feet, modest dress, etc. Putting down other women for being "trashy" or "masculine", etc.
- That you should like/enjoy s*x a little, but not *too* much; that you're mostly just doing it to keep men happy - and therefore should not experience arousal or desire in the absence of a man. That your sexual satisfaction should be derived entirely from vaginal penetration and should not require any additional stimulation.
- That certain things are either primarily or entirely a woman's job in a (heterosexual) relationship: cooking, cleaning, decorating, childcare, the mental load of remembering appointments and birthdays and such.
- Many other aspects that boil down to internalized misogyny. That "boys will be boys" and women should keep to themselves and ignore or tolerate them, and/or take care of them and clean up after them.
- Honorable Mention: Girl Dinner. This one always bothered me because I feel like it's making light of the fact that many women are so burnt out by having the sole responsibility of preparing 1 - 3 meals per day for themselves and others that at the first opportunity they just grab a handful of snacks to sustain themselves. I've heard from many women that when they were single they ate really simple meals, but once they got into a relationship, there was this unspoken (or sometimes explicit) pressure that every meal should be home-cooked and balanced, with a protein and sides.
#43
What a "real woman" looks like. A real woman has curves, a real woman has b***s, a real woman has an a*s.
If you're rail thin, zero chest, no a*s, you're looked at like a child. Most clothes are made for bigger b***s (C cup and up) or made for women that actually have an a*s. So finding a top and pants that fit and don't sag is awful. Its demoralizing and makes you feel sub human in a way. But then you're skinny, so you're not allowed to talk about it and you're not allowed to have those issues.
You people who are replying that "well I have X size b***s or I have an a*s and clothes still don't fit!" that's not my point. You still have a womanly body. You still look like a woman. You actually have b***s to talk about and an a*s to talk about. When you have a body that again, rail thin, no chest, no a*s, no curves, nothing; you do not feel womanly or feminine. It f***s with your head. You people are literally proving my point of those of us who are rail thin and skinny, you cannot talk about it because we will be invalided every single time. This particular issue; is hardly ever talked about. You hardly see any representation for our body type either simply because; its not a womanly or feminine body type.
hannahbahngswife 4 months ago (edited)
I'm not fluent enough in English to understand everything perfectly, but isn't OP quite hypocritical here for saying "You people who are replying that [...] It f***s with your head." Like. Both sides I'm pretty sure have insecurities. I could be wrong, but OP's comment is the thing that feels like toxic feminity here. But again, I could be wrong. Please correct me if so!
#44
Wizard Liz.
Also men hating and how men are always wrong, have to pay for everything when.. we are fighting for equality.
What do you think ?
Rika 4 months ago
I've never worn a bra in my life, the only strangers who ever had an issue with my n*pples poking through my shirt were women. Gurl, I'm flat-chested, no valid reason to wear a bra, I'm not gonna wear some t*rture device just because you're scared of me having n*pples.
Missy Moo Moo 4 months ago
Really? I’d love to not wear a bra but men stare at my nipples and make me feel so uncomfortable. Maybe women feel scared because men stare at nipples
Load More Replies... PandaPadi 4 months ago
Why when there are family gatherings, women are expected to be in the kitchen or serving the food? And its usually the older women of the family who have set this "rule". If you do not help out, they will say you are lazy or rude. While the men will sit down watching a match or enjoying a beer.
Isabella 4 months ago
Where I come from, the men are usually in charge with the barbecue and women with the side dish/salad.
Load More Replies...
Rika 4 months ago
I've never worn a bra in my life, the only strangers who ever had an issue with my n*pples poking through my shirt were women. Gurl, I'm flat-chested, no valid reason to wear a bra, I'm not gonna wear some t*rture device just because you're scared of me having n*pples.
Missy Moo Moo 4 months ago
Really? I’d love to not wear a bra but men stare at my nipples and make me feel so uncomfortable. Maybe women feel scared because men stare at nipples
Load More Replies... PandaPadi 4 months ago
Why when there are family gatherings, women are expected to be in the kitchen or serving the food? And its usually the older women of the family who have set this "rule". If you do not help out, they will say you are lazy or rude. While the men will sit down watching a match or enjoying a beer.
Isabella 4 months ago
Where I come from, the men are usually in charge with the barbecue and women with the side dish/salad.
Load More Replies... You May Like 50 Times Women Shut Down Men With Humor So Sharp It Hurts 58 Misogynists Tried To Explain Women But Ended Up Embarrassing Themselves (New Pics)
Aurelija Rakauskaitė
Greta Jaruševičiūtė
Related on Bored Panda
