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Women Are Calling Out 40 “Female Experiences” That Have Been Normalized By Society But Are In Fact Really Messed Up
Few things in our society ever get questioned. We get caught in its cogwheels in such a way that we don’t realize that our expectations, attitudes, and ideas about how things should be get distorted.
And when it comes to women, unwanted things and unpleasant experiences they have to go through are often so normalized, nobody makes a big deal out of it. You stop for a sec and wonder ‘how on earth did this happen?’
This exact discussion was sparked when one redditor asked women on Ask Reddit “What is something that women experience and is seen as 'normal' but is actually very wrong, and shouldn’t be as accepted as it is?” As you can imagine, women had a lot to say in that department and the responses started flowing in. Let’s see some of the most eye-opening ones right below.
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Being expected to be nice when a man is overstepping your boundaries. As soon as we express any discomfort we're made to feel we should be nice to them. Eg: it was only banter, lighten up, that sort of thing.
Downplaying how horrible periods can be. I've seen so many men act like women are being babies on their period and it's just enraging.
Wouldnt it be great if all men in the world had a day were they were on a period and could see how it feels?
Yes! I'm having mine right now and I feel like s**t. We have to stop telling women to 'stop begging for attention' or 'over exaggerating'.
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Yes... and my absolute favorite: "But [insert random other woman] doesnt have this kind of problem. SHE never complains/always goes to work/goes running and does sports during her period, therefore you are obviously just acting!"
Even worse when such an attitude comes from a fellow woman, just because she doesn't realise she's just lucky.
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I know when our daughter and my fiancée are due. I have a ready supply of chocolate, Ibuprofen and sanitary products on standby at all times. A few days in advance I set up the sofa with fluffy pillows and fluffy blankets/throws and make sure the TV remotes are on a table within arms reach
That's so great. They're very lucky :)
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To be honest, me too. But I used to experience some of those when I was young. Didn't forget the pain. Either way, it doesn't need to be necessarily menstrual pain, any other type of unbearable physical pain should be enough to empathise with anyone going through menstrual pain, really.
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I suffered with endometriosis for 35 years, and only experienced a complete lack of empathy. But boy, the pharmaceutical industry sure worked awfully hard (no pun intended) to come up with that little blue pill!
Yeah, a flu lands them on their back, but damned if they'll even try to understand period pain. And we have to endure it once a month for YEARS.
Well unless you let yourself be impregnated by one of those vile men.
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I am so lucky, my hubby gets it and doesn't trivialize my pain. Instead he is understanding and allows me space to deal with it. I wish more men could be like him and get it that this s**t hurts!!!!
my brother said that "women are able to handle periods because are bodies are made for them" ummm NO
As a endometriosis patient I have experienced incredible pain from my uterus and ovaries. I had an accident filled oife because I am clumsy: Broke my toe and arm, opened my head twice, broke my nose, fell out of a moving gold cart and got a lot of wounds, recovered from operations etc . I never had pain as intense as with some of my periods. The kind of pain that doesnt let you move and barely talk. That lasts 4 or 5 hours and its so intense that you would do anything to stop it.
I feel for you. When I was finally able to convince my doctor into a hysterectomy, it was the greatest point in my life. No more arranging my life around my period.
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Although I'm a guy ... I got to know what real pain is like after the effed up my gallbladder removal a bit. Still hurts every single day, sometimes being unbearable - and hardly anyone believes there's more to it than me just wanting to "get high". I know some meds can provide this, but being pain free is worth so much more, ... anyway, as I got to know a kind of pain (NOT only intensity) I wasn't aware does even exist when I was 29, I guess the default position on this is to believe whoever says he or she has pain - and as I don'T have a uterus, I cannot possibly know any about period pain firsthand. But I can refuse to not believe unless I have a reason to not believe.
Am I the only one who has no period issues? I have no cramps and a very small flow
Not the only one, i know some people who feel nothing. i know more who have issues than dont though.
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Passing out from the pain. Never being “regular”. Never having pads when I needed them. And in the days before the convenience of being able to shove all purchases on a credit card, no money to buy protection. The School Nurse sending me a joke invoice for all the pads I’d blagged from her supplies - she was the one who drilled it into me to have pads with you at all times. Even though I no longer have periods, every single bag/handbag has at least one tampon in it!
I remember one time I was on my period, and just bad cramps, and I was just in lousy mood. I kind of snapped at my son, he was probably 17 at the time so he knew what a period was. I later went back and apologized to him, and he was like mom it's Okay, I would be in a bitchy mood too if I bled out of my d**k every month. Really made me laugh!
I’ve actually had more problems with females than males. The worst are other women with endometriosis. I have stage 4 endo and fibromyalgia. I absolutely loath the line, “if I can do it, you can do it.” The most common variation is “ifI can work through the pain, so can you.” Good for you, Carol. But have you ever woken up in an ambulance because you passed out from the pain while walking to your cubicle? No? Then stop telling me what I can and cannot do.
My sympathy. Also very Nice when people don't see it as a competition. The only woman i would take her pains if i could is my little baby girl
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I read this somewhere and have now used it to describe period pain to men...Some women experience accute appendicitis during their periods but don't go to the doctor until their appendix bursts because they just assume it was bad cramps. Our period cramps are so bad sometimes we can confuse them with a literal bursting organ.
This also . Makes me so crazy mad, considering from the age of 14 I had endometriosis, it’s that bad I’ve had to have a hysterectomy. But you know shut up and don’t double over screaming in pain because I’ll still have to go to school
I know a girl who doesnt get her period very regularly, but when she does get it its bad to the point where she is consistently showing up because of how bad the cramps are.
Mine are really mild, but I know some who can be crippled by them.
I got migraines and barfing loud enough to wake the entire neighborhood, nobody questioned how bad mine were. They were too terrified.
I've seen women downplay other women that have more pain then they think appropriate. Just because "we" don't feel so awful we need a day off. That doesn't mean someone who does is making it up.
Thing is, there are plenty of women who down play it, too. They have no real idea how bad a period can get with the pain, near hemorrhage, nausea and ruined clothes (no matter how careful you are).
It's not just men though. Other women can be just as bad. I've had other women tell me (because it's not their experience) that I'm exaggerating or lying or that it's in my head.
I was lucky enough not to hear anything insensitive from a guy during my period cause i might have been in prison now.. i only once had one colleague that recommended taking very light painkillers or not at all cause i will screw my stomach...needless to say that i told him to do whatever he wants when HE has his period!
It's not only men who needs to be educated. Woman are so cruel sometimes! because your period is not that painful doesn't mean I cannot complain about Mine!! I've walked around for 23 years without a diagnosis, during my periods I couldn't walk, sleep, eat, nothing but screaming in misery of the abnormal amount of pain. Doctors told me my painlevel is very low and just suck it up because I'm not the only girl with periods! After 23 years I finally found a doctor who took me serious! I have grade 4 endometriosis with tissue growing in my bowels and bladder,cyst everywhere and adenomyosis in my uterus! Now I get to hear from my gynecologist that my painlevel must be So high to ensure this!
There still seems to be an incredible level of ignorance in males about how the female body works. Why is this not taught in all schools around the world?
I doubt empathy can be taught at school. At An age where kids probably can be at their cruelest.
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There was one time when I played basketball on my period. It was hot, and it was my second day, which is when it's the worst. The blood came out on the BUTT part of my pants. Looked like a murder scene. But I made 50 baskets. :)
let us see how these men would cope with that pain.. They would think they are dying...
I have seen my sisters growing up, and my wife hardly able to move because of cramps, that s**t is real yo.
I jokingly told my husband that if he ever had a menstrual cramp he would kill himself. In my defense I was having one when I told him.
I think my dad understands this situation because he has spent most of his life around women. But I have been around some guys who don't understand this at all.
But don’t dare to mention her period as the cause of her mood if you don’t want to see the sky burn 🔥
Unfortunately, I am sensing something of a double standard here. As far back as I can remember (and much further back than that according to those older than me), some have made a point that this is the kind of thing that only women have to deal with that makes them unsuitable for certain positions... and every time this is brought up, women have said this is no big deal and no woman should be disqualified from anything because of it. Well, which is it? No big deal... or a big deal like it's made out to be here.
But it's ok for men to act like they are dying when they have a cold or the flu?? Men are the worst
I thought Women enjoyed their periods. It gives them a chance to tell their partner how everything wrong in the world is their partners fault.
Nope. Nobody really ‘enjoys’ a period as it’s painful, and a pain in the ass. And that last bit, that’s because or hormones being all over the place. It makes a person moody. So, I suggest you delete that.
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Hahahah. Sorry, i had to laugh because drs just...dont...care. you are a woman. Deal with it.
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As if you even know a woman who would open up to you about anything.
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No.
That's it.
The word no.
When a guy says no it's not usually questioned, they don't have to go into a long detailing as to why.
When a woman says no to pretty much anything they're either asked or they feel compelled to have to explain why their answer is no.
No is a complete sentence.
Dressing little girls in a way that makes it difficult for them to move around. Your 4-year-old should not miss out on valuable play because she doesn't want to mess up her clothes or hair. Her appearance should be the last freaking thing on her mind. It makes me so angry to see little girls having to sit on the sidelines while their brothers and male cousins play rambunctiously because their parents put them in a dress and expensive shoes.
Pressure to have kids. Lectures and being guilted if you don't want to. The weird idea some people push that motherhood needs to be the center of our lives.
Medical discrimination. Not believing woman’s pain or symptoms or saying they are completely related to your monthly cycle/hormones.
And thinking of woman primarily by their reproductive capacity. Yes, doctor I came in for this rash but sure let’s answer your question on family planning and my birth control options.
Woman: has incredibly large rash all over her body Woman: *happens to be on period* Doctor: coincidence? I think not!
"When a boy is mean to you, that means he likes you..."
JUST NO!!! Anyone that truly loves you will not hurt you mentally, physically, or verbally. EVER!!! They tell you this when you're young to prepare your for a dirtbag husband in the future and some women never get the common sense to see that it's actually a bully!
I know way too many women who think it's normal to have to do most of the housework and childcare, plus the mental and emotional load of household management, even if they also have an outside job. Also to manage their husbands as if they are children who can't be expected to remember to make appointments or buy their own clothes or things for the children or holidays or take care of menial tasks without reminders and help.
Women DO the housework and childcare while men HELP. This approach needs to change :/
Being expected to let men have sex with them but also shaming any woman who also shows a modicum of Libido. It's almost like society wants women to have sex but hate it at the same time and it's gross
In public spaces, when men put their hands on you so they can pass by. It's common in clubs and bars, but happens elsewhere, too. Funny thing is, a guy can't get past you without putting his hands on your waist. But, he can navigate a wall of men totally touch free. So creepy and intrusive
Spaghetti strap tanktops on a hot summer day being "provocative".... And the high school dress code
Agree with the spaghetti strap comment but also agree with having a basic dress code at high schools
I find it a bit insulting when you see a picture of a woman who is really pretty and you find out that she’s a top scientist or engineer or a doctor, something very prestigious, and a person says “ Wow, She’s pretty, I wasn’t expecting that!” What, like are smart people usually butt ugly? pretty girls can’t be smart? Wtf! I feel like that’s really common and needs to end.
My 14 year old daughter pointed out today how often my dad interrupts me. I hadn’t even noticed. She said, “yeah - all the men in our family interrupt and talk over you except dad.”
'I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?'.
The amount of sexual abuse and harassment that is rampant in our society. Most women I know started being harassed by men when they were elementary school students, and that is seen as normal.
Sexual harassment of women, ESPECIALLY young girls, isn't seen as normal. It of course happens which is atrocious and should absolutely be stopped but only sexual predators think it's "normal."
As a child boys pulling your skirt up.
Periods like they are something we should be ashamed of and not talk about.
When talking a rape, women are told things they should not do and things are directed at they are to blame for anything and everything that happens.
Being talked over.
You either talk too much or not enough.
Being sexualized at any age. Looking at you beauty pageants.
When you prove a man wrong, somehow you are villain because you hurt his pride.
beauty pageants are a total menace, not only are children forced into performing when they don't want to but their bodies are also sexualised in totally disgusting ways
Men hitting on you after you’ve made it clear you’re not interested but stopping immediately if they find out you have a boyfriend, so you must “belong” to another man.
Or saying that you must be a lesbian because you are not interested in them.
The fear of expressing too much comfort around male friends who might see it as a sexual opportunity. Too many of us experience this
Men pushing boundaries without consent during sex. "Accidentally" putting it in the wrong hole. Strangling. Hitting. Abusive misogynistic language. Pretty much every woman I know has had a man do these things out of nowhere towards them and they are supposed to accept it because it's "kinky" or something. And now it's literally 15 years old girls who are dealing with this trauma because of p*rn normalizing it as something boys are supposed to do to women, its completely disgusting
Not getting the help from doctors that we need to survive. A woman in my country died from cancer that was related to her undiagnosed endometriosis, but for years doctors just thought they were 'bad periods'.
This. It took me 10 years to get my endometriosis and adenomyosis diagnosed and another one to get surgery (and it went terrible due to a sexist doctor). By the time I got treated the endo wasnso bad that it was basically too late to help. I cannot work or have a normal life anymore because of all the doctors that ignored me or put my fertility as a bigger priority than my health
The expectation that women should wear makeup to be seen as professionals.
Aging isn’t allowed. It is the norm for men to grow older and look it but women are constantly pressured to look young.
Being firm often leads to a woman being branded as demanding.
Women having to come up with safe and clever ways to reject a man’s advances instead of being able to give a simple no and have it being respected.
Being a firmly committed single woman, sometimes I dread having to explain the whole "yes, I'm single, no, I'm not looking for a mate" conversation. I used to lie and say I was married or had a boyfriend, but many times they took it as a challenge.
Catcalling, it's gross and degrading.
I absolutely hate this. Not only that it makes us extremely self conscious, it is also considered sexual harassment.
Being with giant manbabies who do not know how to act like adults.
Ladies it is not normal to be with someone who argues with you, never cleans up after himself and expects you to do all of the housework.
Well we don't have to stay with them, at least. And we can teach them otherwise if they are willing to learn. Sad we have to think like that though.
Not being able to walk down the street at night with headphones on without carrying your keys as a weapon.
Not being able to walk down the street at night ALONE without carrying your keys as a weapon
The amount of money we have to pay for menstrual products. I remember being a poor university student having to use rolled up toilet paper because I couldn't afford pads or tampons, and menstrual cups were not a thing back then. $12 for a box of tampons doesn't seem like much, until you're living off KD, ramen, and rice, then it becomes a luxury.
The fact that women die of reproductive cancers more often than men because our pain and symptoms aren't taken seriously. So many health women lose their lives because their pain and suffering is considered normal, are told that what they're experiencing isn't bad because women are meant to experience pain and dysfunction.
It. Is. Infuriating. Periods are not a way to shove aside real problems. If something is wrong, it is the doctors job to take it seriously. No. Matter. What.
Telling me to smile when I don't f**king want to. But when I was younger I did out of discomfort.
Agreed, this is just so weird. You’re so pretty when you smile...
One thing I have dreaded since beginning. Like it was the first thing that caught my eye as a sign of normalised discrimination, was.. Whenever a guest arrived at my place. I or my sister was supposed to make tea or prepare some snacks. But my brothers played outside. I hated it so much.
Same. I hate the whole 'girls in the kitchen' expectation. I'm in there so my mother isn't doing all the work, but f**k it. My dad should know how to make something in the kitchen other than alcoholic beverages for hosting.
Inappropriate behavior from men, especially from a young age. If a boy hits a little girl he “just likes her”. That little boy grows up thinking there’s no repercussion for violence, and keeps hitting women. The cycle just goes on.
Birth control. Side effects and horrible horrible possible risks
I mean, the complete double standards we have for women as mothers as opposed to fathers. There’s a lot to be said but for example, we tell moms it’s normal to sacrifice damn near you’re whole entire body/career/hobbies/life for the kids but men are somehow not held to the same standard? Idk if I’m explaining well, I’m a tired mom.
I must be missing something. Because when I became a father I sacrificed everything for my children. Anything that I wanted to pursue that didn't involve a little girl was off the table.
That people think they have the right to comment on how a woman looks or what she is wearing. There have been way too many times where someone feels they need to point out my 'physical flaws' just because. For example: acne, dark circles under my eyes, body/facial hair, paleness, etc.
Being lectured in public by a total stranger for my ''sloppy'' clothes while I was on my way to work on a stage set.
The constant picking apart of womens appearance by basically everyone and holding women to insane beauty standards (extensions, false lashes, makeup, drawn on eyebrows, contouring tricks to change your face, dye your hair, dress sexy, don't dress too sexy, wax your privates, dye your hair, stay in shape, have a big butt, tiny waist, push up bras, get fake nails, on and on and freakin on)
When I was teenager everyone was impressed with my huge eyelashes ("Are they real?!"). Now every girl has bigger fake lashes so it's not a big deal :(
Being polite to creepy men. There are so many things that can go wrong and I've read too many stories of women being killed for not taking a guy's number
Basically you're f*cked if a creep takes an interest in you. If you say no, you should've given him a chance to show he was nice (so you had it coming). If you say yes, you accepted his advances and you should've known he was a threat (so you had it coming).
People speaking over them, and/or the inherent ‘brush off’ that “if a woman says it it needs to be verified somehow.”
"Man-splaining". My former boss tried to explain the industry specific accounting program I HAD CREATED to me. I was like, "Oh, really? OK. Show me how to run this report". And of course he said he didn't know how. I ran him through another few hurdles, just to make my point. And after conceding that he really didn't know how to do anything, I was like , "Really? Because I do. Wanna know why? I wrote the f*****g program".
The way pregnancy is treated like an illness. I feel like if men had to go through childbirth there would be more medical advancements in the field. Also, women’s childbirth injuries are often never treated seriously because the child is prioritized. Many never fully recover.
This is definitely a problem that varies across nations/regions. The biggest injury issues still ignored (IMHO) are pelvic floor damage that results in bladder/bowel dysfunction and pain,if not spinal nerve compression issues.
I’m in the UK, I love running but I pretty much can’t train past a few months as when my fiancé is home at 4:30pm it’s dark, I can’t run on our old railway path when it’s dark! It’s annoying but normal to me now, but for a man? Yep run on your own at 5pm no worries
Handy hint: get some workout gear clearly branded with a martial arts club. Even better, also go to the martial arts club. There was a wonderful story in the UK news a few years back of a young woman attacked by what turned out to be a serial rapist as she went through a (park, I think? It was a while back so can't remember the details). She was a trained martial artist and beat the s**t out of him. This is one negative aspect of being female we can change.
Not technically "women" but I think getting an infant/very young girl's ears pierced should not be acceptable. Parents are ignoring their child's right to consent to things that happen to their body and it's purely aesthetic. Strange to push beauty standards on babies, let alone one that involves literally putting a hole in their body that could last their whole life.
The way the medical community seems to approach childbirth. I've watched documentaries etc. (no kids myself) and what really struck me is how patronizing everyone was to these women who are going through perhaps the worst pain of their life, and how things like LITERALLY CUTTING THEIR GENITALS are seen as no big deal.
Not being taken seriously.
Robert - "Name one example" How about your questioning of this post? Or is the irony stumping you?
Being tickled/touched by older men (grandpas, uncles, neighbors) and given sexual compliments like “you have child-bearing hips” or “you have your mother’s bum” from a young age.
Being expected to let these older men tickle or hug you, when you don't like it, because otherwise 'he'll be offended' 'you'll hurt his feelings', 'you're being rude', 'don't make a scene' Or 'Just put your hand out to shake hands, and he won't try to hug you.' How about teaching our little girls that their bodies are their own, and no one has the right to touch them without consent. How about teaching them to say "No! Don't touch me! I don't like it!" and they absolutely should make a scene, give offense, and hurt peoples feelings, rather than submit to something that makes them feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
Being treated like you're to frail / idiotic / incapable to do things. When people won't let you do things because you're a woman or tell you to wait for or get your male partner to do that thing. I know it might be put across, commonly, as a care or consideration, but it's condescending, diminishing and a deprivation, at times.
At Scouts I was a assistant leader who did more work than the guy who was my leader. I only got respect from male scouts because the men who run the scouts yelled at then to respect me (they're really cool guys who care about me and treat with respect.)
Being expected to fix a broken man. Men are never expected to fix broken women, but women are always expected to be some dudes second mommy when he needs to go see an actual therapist.
Ignoring the very real and common (1:4) issue of miscarriage. Over 25% of women will experience one. And more than a few of those will have multiple failures. But we are not allowed to talk about children that never breathed.
Well I didn't know that so many women experience such trauma - I suppose that shows how little it is spoken about which is disgusting. I have a lot of respect for every women who has survived the (emotional and physical) pain of miscarriage - wait no I have respect for EVERY woman, full stop. And, of course, people of every other gender. But we are talking about women right now.
Strange men asking me to smile for them. It's not normal, it's creepy. You should feel straight cringed by this.
The fact that they don't offer any pain mitigation for an IUD insertion is ridiculous.
i got the one in my arm. got one pain shot and let me tell you, i cannot imagine what it would have felt like without it. it felt like someone was using one of those huge wood staplers and punching staples into the underside of my arm. and that is a sensitive spot!! i can't imagine getting an IUD!
I've had women act shocked that my husband cooks dinner not "sometimes" but at least once a week. He helps cook every other night. We trade off on dishes.
I had a grown man proudly tell me he has never cooked, his mother or his wife always cook for him.
That dude must be illiterate or some how deficient if he's never cooked. I know a guy who's only good at boiling water and maybe microwaving TV dinners.
That condescending and infuriatingly arrogant tone that some men take on when explaining something (be it a hobby, some interesting fact, or the fundamentals of this-and-that) when their listener is a woman. I understand that this may simply be done to impress, rather than be irritating, but just knowing that they wouldn't dare talk this way to a male friend or colleague is...well, irritating.
Tolerating partners who drain your energy, put you down, and don't put in effort to your relationship and/or household because you believe what you should be doing is trying to fix them or figure out how to make them behave. Relationships ARE work and conflict is bound to happen, but I see so many women doing all of the work all the time and blaming themselves when their men don't get better.
Both people have to work in any relationship for it to be healthy. Conflict is unavoidable, but if they decide to be mature and smart-- all good.
Absorbing men's dysfunction. He was abused? She'll talk him through the best therapy she can manage. He was never taught how to (normal life skill here)? She'll do it for him. He's too macho to take care of himself? She'll nag him till he does, and she better be a good sport and laugh as she's ridiculed for "being a nag".
The expectation that in an office, a woman has to put 200% more work and money into her appearance than her male colleagues and sacrifice a good deal of personal comfort to a "business casual" dress code. Hair, makeup, tight pants, pencil skirts, nylons in the summer, high heels, a kit of self-care cosmetics that need to be carried in a big bag.
And men? 20$ haircut once a month, maybe + 10$ for a beard trim. Shoes are mostly shaped like actual feet, pants are either loose or VERY stretchy, leggings territory stretchy without a tight fit. Most don't wear ties anymore.
the idea that a woman needs to wear makeup and jewelry, and do stuff with her hair, to be seen as a professional, is ridiculous. if a lady is wearing the exact same outfit and doesn't do any of the above, guess what, her experience and knowledge is still the same. nylons make my legs itch and flats look just as nice as heels, without the foot cramps later.
The idea that men & women cannot maintain healthy, purely platonic relationships w/ eachother (cos sex will eventually come up & get in the way) + the idea that a woman must drop all her male friends or cannot maintain contact w/ them once she enters an exclusive, romantic relationship.
I agree, but also women shouldn't demand from their partners to drop all female friends either. It's a two-way street.
Women being called "girls." Whether it is conscious or not, it implies a lack of maturity and, therefore, deserved respect. Among countless other places I have heard this, I attempted to watch a season of The Bachelor (bad decision for many reasons) and I could not stand how often the women were called "girls." I couldn't bring myself to check out The Bachelorette, but I suspect the men are never called "boys."
I call my mom and her friends "girls" too. They seem to enjoy it. Also I call boys my brother and father so...
That women are the emotional ones and are naturally empathetic. Let tell you women can have just of hard of a time expressing emotions and often women build wall around their hearts to protect themselves from being hurt by the variety of media and hurtful stereotypes out there.
To have the husband "help" with the kids. To have him help around the house. It's his house, and his kids. This is how women's careers are destroyed. Having to be his personal assistant, maid, chef and nanny whilst also having a career to maintain some form of financial independence.
This annoys me to no end. I'm not babysitting. They're MY kids ! I'm not "helping" around the house. I'm looking after it too. Women are treated default that they're homemakers, which i suspect is a leftover stereotype from the 50s-60s idea of the "perfect house". My wife works a very demanding job. I do as much as i can around the house to make sure she has relax time if she needs it.
Gender norms in hetero relationships. They are so disempowering and diminishing to women, but they are accepted as normal and fine.
Women can change them or not accept them. It takes getting more women on board. I fix and repair things. My dad did everything in our home and if we helped he taught us. My husband did not have this experience and doesn't really like doing it. I do. Women in general are appalled or amazed that I do the things I do. They are actually more judgmental then the men I know. If we are going to change the "norms" we have to change how they are looked at by all genders.
Constant comments about our physical appearance from a very young age. It doesn’t matter if you are attractive or not either, because once people have a negative opinion on you they NEED to let you know.
Society values men's time more than women's. My husband and I both technically have flexibility in our work schedules, but guess who does all the doctor appointments etc. for the kids? Me. Because God forbid a man miss work in the middle of the day, or take a day off because his kid is sick. Every time he has done it, he gets criticized by his higher-ups. Easier for me to just do it since everyone expects a mom to miss work sometimes.
Women feeling 'expected' to have sex and having their pleasure be secondary. I experienced this a lot when I was younger and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Like, I thought if I was kissing a guy, 'Well, now I’m expected to have sex with him because he’s turned on. I guess I have to.' And also thinking that during sex, the end goal was really mostly about him. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized how flawed it was for me to think that way, and for men to have reinforced that thinking via their actions.
Painful periods. They are NOT normal and doctors need to stop making it seem as if it is. It took until my 30's, when I had surgery for a painful ovarian cyst, before they discovered I had endometriosis (and a dead fallopian tube). She was the ONLY doctor to even suggest I could also have endometriosis and that they would look while in surgery.
my mom once said she hopes when i get my period they wont be as bad as hers... spoiler alert she got her uterus taken out... so yeah...
I think this applies. When I was growing up, a family member had a band that would play around the area and we'd try to make it every time. I enjoyed dancing. I would dance with my cousins or family members or family friends my age. However, I was told I couldn't say no if someone asked me to dance and that it was rude. This included creepy old men. I can't tell you how many times throughout my preteens/teens I had to bear through a song with an old man pushed up against me telling me I was pretty.
A book I read about growing up for girls had a page where they gave a list of excuses we could use if a man wasn't taking no for an answer, like in a dance or something.
Harassment in certain workplaces.
Obviously harassment in ANY workplace is vile and wrong, but my aunt once told me to except to be flirted with, hit on, and harassed if I continued to work in kitchens/restaurants. She said it was "just part of the territory" and that I needed to just "understand that that's the environment."
Excuse me? No. I don't care what the environment is, women should have to put up with harassment in the workplace.
Sorry, I think you mean women SHOULDN'T have to put up with harassment in the workplace. Apologies, I just saw a typo. Totally agree with you btw 🙃
Being home alone with a baby 1-3 days after a traumatic birth experience.
NOT ORGASMING! Or, even if you’re ok with not orgasming sometimes, not even enjoying the sex.
I will go to my grave screaming this, because it was me for years.
Women’s pleasure is NOT secondary.
Getting hit on at 13 by grown men.
I am a huge fan of high heels and I like to wear them casually, but I don't believe that women should be "expected" to wear them if it's not their thing.
Giving birth. at least where i live my dad said that "even cats give birth" like it's easy, he's so obnoxious and to think my mom gave birth to SEVEN.
Hard for cats too, they don't have anything to help them, they usually have few babies at once, so saying that about cats is not good example. Mammals give birth, your dad is silly.
Birth control! The hormones can literally turn you into another person, give you depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues, and we just have to accept that 65% of women are having their lives negatively affected on a regular basis, but they have no other choice if they don't want to become pregnant.
And the option to just "trust condoms" comes along with trusting a man, who isn't really affected all that much at the end of the day if the woman becomes pregnant.
Taxes on period products when they are already so expensive and we can’t control it. Also, men staring for far too long when women wear skinny jeans, leggings, or other form fitting pants/clothing when out in public, always irritates me.
Being married and having children with men who are absent parents/house hold members and it not being a point of contention, just accepted, expected, and accommodated.
The fact that our medical problems aren't seen as important as a man's. doctors tend to think we're overreacting or the issue is stress-related.
Being taught to please others, plan your whole life around some abstract Future Husband you've never met and who may not even exist (and who isn't expected to plan his life around you), and never acknowledge your own needs. Just give and give and give until there's nothing left...and keep going anyway.
The horrendous acts of young boys towards girls with the excuse of “boys will be boys” or “he just has a crush on you!”
"bOyS wIlL bE bOyS" "NO BOYS WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE"
Being harassed and assaulted at such a young age, and that’s just how it is. Learn how to keep yourself safe, bc society will blame you for it, even if you are 8.
The burden of motherhood in general.
It's hard. I don't know personally, I've never had kids, but I know. It's hard. Taking care of a living thing is no easy task, and it's is wrong to make women get the burden of it. I know there are plenty of fathers who are helping, but that does not erase so many women who are forced to work far to hard.
Being told to cover up in your own home because men are in the house.
This just made a difference to me. At about age 12, I remember going out of my room, in my nightie, to look for a book to read in the bookcase in our hall. This was something I did all the time in our house, for me normal. But this night my dad had a 'friend' over doing something who went into the hallway when I was there to find something or other, saw me in my nightie, turned around abruptly and left. A minute later my dad came in and told me I had 'embarassed' his friend and to please stay in my room. I felt vaguely bad about this episode ever since, and until I just read this post. I felt I'd done the wrong thing and felt guilty. Now I realise: Somehow at 12 I was meant to understand and anticipate that adult males might feel desire on unexpectedly a 12-year-old? What rubbish. I was 12. So CowboyHank, et al, no women don't want t walk around naked necessarily. But I thought I was safe, in my home in my nighty, at 12. That was when I learnt I had to cover up, always, just in case.
Keeping sexual abuse/assault under the wraps so that the abuser can not be penalized. Generally within the family.
Being stared at by men of all ages.
Why isn't cuddling (btwn men & women) w/o any sexual implications or strings attached not more common? Why must every action lead to sex? Why can't I just be supported as your dear friend? Why can't you respect that I do not want sex? And why do you now grudgingly & hslf-assedly giveme what I want after I tell you sex will not happen. Isn't my non-sexual company enough for you? I guess not, cos you do not actually care about me solely as a human being. You are more concerned about getting your sexual needs met while w/ me...
is this something common that women do with each other? If not, why would it be common between a man and a woman?
The first time having sex being painful, honestly just painful sex in general.
That's not a societal norm though. It ***IS*** a norm to expect women to just keep quiet when it hurts, and to keep doing it, no matter how much it hurts. And of course, doctors don't BELIEVE that it hurts. But the actual pain isn't society being horrible.
The biggest one for me is the pleasure gap. If I came in the middle of sex and mid thrust, just rolled over and went to sleep with a “good work team!” people would think that was crazy. But it’s literally what men do every single day.
Being talked over me when I'm talking. I'm not saying women don't do this, but men interrupt me so much more and I think it's very disrespectful.
The expectation from men that is '' before earning the right to solve women issues, women should FIRST fix every single issues that affect men in the society they created for themselves ''
Having to be hyper vigilant when walking home at night. Keys in hand - between your fingers, walk quickly, music turned down so you can hear if anyone comes up behind you etc.
The rates of Child Sexual Abuse perpetrated against female children... 1 in 3 girls. It's likely closer to 1 in 2 but we don't have perfect numbers to go off of.
while it looks like the numbers are all over the place for these statistics, an article that uses the 1 in 3 girls statistic has a 1 in 5 males suffer child sexual abuse. So granted for girls the rate is higher, but the issue is Child Sexual Abuse in general. There is no reason to just focus on the female children because it is usually people that were abused as children that continue that cycle and abuse more children when they get older. It is not 100% men that are doing the abusing, women do it too.
That liking traditional things like sewing, cooking, organising our space, makeup etc means we want to be housewives. No, it means we have hobbies. I'm not "preparing myself" to be a stay at home mom. If men like traditional things it's seen as... Nothing more than their hobbies.
Agreed! The whole point of the women's right movement was to give women choices. I mean, wasn't it? Far too many people think that the CHOICE to be a traditional stay-at-home mom or to enjoy the traditionally "female" things in like, is somehow a step backwards. Nope. Its all about choice. And if that's your choice, enjoy it! Don't let anyone tell you its not good enough.
Being solely responsible for contraception that f*cks with our body’s and emotions and hormones and it’s seen as completely acceptable to get a women to bleed for more than 6 months straight as a form of birth control. Basically stopping her from having sex.
That traveling alone is dangerous—fine if you’re a guy, but as a woman, without a man or group traveling with you, you’re in danger
Reducing us to labels. “Mother, wife.”
We can’t fit into boxes or one role!
Second guessing our intelligence or EXCESSIVELY helping with minor and simple tasks. Some may think this is polite, but really, it makes most of us feel inferior.
the fact that women always want to lose weight, or are perpetually dieting because they believe they're not "thin enough."
Catcalling, having to be polite to men who make us feel uncomfortable
When they go for a hug when a handshake would do (and they squeeze just a little too tight).
I really dislike how hugs have gotten to be a default greeting here in the US. Sometimes people do it when they barely know you. And it's awkward when friends you know well give you a hug and you're in a group with people you don't know and don't want to hug. I don't feel like pressing my body up against people, especially strangers. Handshakes are good. The European-style air kiss would work. Japanese bowing? Great! Let's do that.
There is NOTHING a woman can like without being made fun of (and this is especially bad for teenage girls). I remember hearing this question for the first time and I genuinely couldn’t think of something that I would be able to like without someone mocking me
my passion is theatre, and I get mocked for "being dramatic," I have big emotions okay? What's wrong with that?
Having to carry the emotional burdens of children more than men because we are the "sensitive" and "emotional" ones. Like please, men have just as many emotions as we do, yet women are expected to do all the emotional lifting when it comes to raising children, we are expected to handle the tantrums and soothe the crying of children.
Needing to laugh when a man tells a joke/needing to agree when a man argues
Quite a lot of men and women expect women to handle all the housework and take care of the kids, especially if you are a stay at home mom.
If you have arranged to be a stay at home parent, your job is running the home and taking care of the children.
Feeling uncomfortable wearing thinner/less clothing in front of male family members during ANY season, but especially summer
Being treated like "one of the guys" Just because you're friends doesn't mean you can say and do disgusting and degrading things in front of us.
i don't know about this. if i'm hanging out with guys, i expect them to do guy things. not trying to be gender insensitive here, but like, stereotypical man stuff, like farting and talking about bathroom stuff and sports. and rating chicks on the 1-10 scale. they don't care if i talk about "female" stuff when they're around. that's what friends are. at least i think so.
The double standard that sexist men have for women. If we are career oriented they get angry because "feminism has ruined women" and complain about women not being at home anymore. But if you are a homemaker they call you lazy or a golddiger.
Maybe because I'm older now (it did take me a long time to learn), but I don't give a f what people think anymore. I do/say what I feel is right to me. Who cares about society or people I'll probably never meet again in my life or are simply not important enough to me. End of.
I remember being 16 overhearing girls in my class repeatedly bragging about their older boyfriends being so big and muscular. I even remember them talking about guys who were less bulky than their boyfriends (but bulkier than me) saying things like: "I hope for his sake he will grow a decent pair of shoulders one day. So he'll be more attractive." Needless to say being 1,80 metres (5,9 ft)and weighing in at less than 60 kilos (132 pounds) I had body issues as a teenager. Not that I want to p*ss all over this post downplaying womens issues. Judging people by their bodies is bad to do to both men and women. I'm just saying I know many men who have been dealing with these issues too. And this post, like many others, is framing men as perpetrators and women as victims while the truth is way more complex.
I agree, and I know other people will rag on you about your opinion and such, BUT! posts like these are supposed to bring awareness to women's issues, instead of downplaying them. Of course, as I was scrolling through, I had noticed that men had been displayed as rude, obnoxious instigators, when that is simply not the case. All men aren't like this, but some are, and that's the problem.
Load More Replies...
Being expected to be the notetaker in work meetings. Older managers at my work always instruct women employees to be notetakers. Somehow, they never assign that task to the men -- even men in the exact same job as women. Oh, and if they ask for a volunteer to take notes, it's like all the men forgot their hands work. There's absolutely no reason that job should constantly fall on women.
Then it should be politely, but firmly pointed out that the manager is making assumptions. Chances are they don't even realise that they always ask women to take notes. Make them aware of their bias, and make it public. Suggest a suitable men to do the job instead. If you remain passive, you are failing to change anything.
Load More Replies...
I am literally going to start counting the "women are victimised, men are bad" articles that appear on this website on a daily basis.
Once men start treating us properly this articles will disappear.
Load More Replies...
The "girls can't play videogames" "girls can't play in the rain" "girls can't have fun just sit there being pretty" thing. It angered me so much as a child hearing that. let me get messy and muddy and happy like the boys.
You know what's normalised but shouldn't be? Men suffering silently. Being blamed. Always having to stay quiet because 'men don't get abused'. They may not get abused' as OFTEN but it is usually far WORSE. People just need to be open, and the listeners must be supportive and kind. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Absolutely. I had a friend whose girlfriend hit him on purpose with her flipping car, and if he'd been a woman, he'd have everyone he knew up in arms, the police come to the house and arrest him, etc. But with him, the doctors checked him out, police said forget about it, and no one else cared (except me). That is when I realized we need to stop talking about "abused women" and talk about "abused partners". Men get far less support in every way (emotional, financial, law, etc.) In my friend's case, it was made worse because he has very dark brown skin and the doctors said the bruises wouldn't really show in photos in order to make a case. So, couldn't the doctor simply testify to it??!! Also, there has to be some way to deal with that, right? Not just, "Well, we don't know how to prove injury on dark skin".
Load More Replies...
I stopped reading at #43. It's so completely normal to experience any of this on a daily basis. Just frustrating.
I’ve complained twice about this specific git, yet no reply.
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Being a "Big, Beautiful Woman" and automatically being friend zoned. Like someone who is overweight doesn't want a romantic relationship, or the men are afraid their friends will make fun of them for dating a larger woman?
I’m going to be a little frivolous for a moment just to show how sexism can hit anyone, male or female. Two of my best friends were boys I’d grown up living near to. Guess which game I could not join them in? I knew very well why I couldn’t but they did quite get it. Some parents had some very awkward questions to field that day.
Or even better yet, anything that isn't about all white people being horrible or all Americans being horrible. You are clowns.
What does this article have to do with Americans? Sexism happens in every region of the world. What about forced marriage in places like India? Or the sexism that happens in the UK?
Load More Replies... Bored Panda. I hereby defy you to post any ad about men being mistreated by women.
How about an article where we discuss the double standards of society where it's assumed any list of "complaints by women" must be derogatory toward *men*, and any list of complaints by men must be derogatory toward women?
Load More Replies...
Since I had a narcissist for a mother and grew up in the 50-60s where women didn't have a life, a lot of these existed 100 times worse than now. There was a boy who followed me home every day from school, with his male friends and shouted "fatty fatty 2 by 4" and sang "409" as my weight. My mom did nothing...saying maybe I was fat and deserved it. I had endometriosis and tumors on my uterus. I was in terrible pain from age 15, each month, but because a male doctor told her that someone my age couldn't be in that much pain, she labeled me a "crybaby" and "wanting attention". When I had a hysterectomy at age 50, I was in surgery for 3 extra hours and 2 extra surgeons were brought in to untangle the endometriosis around every organ in my body. The doctor came to me after surgery and said "the pain must have been unbearable, why didn't you talk to anyone?". I told him I did and my mother was sitting right there and just shrugged her shoulders and said " she was a liar all her life"
Not sure if this has been mentioned, because I haven't read all of the comments. It annoys me that it's ok for a 50 yo male marries a 20 yo woman, but if a 50 yo woman marries a 20 yo male it instantly becomes wrong.
Why can a woman not complain about anything without so many men jumping on the defensive. A lot of the problems discussed are perpetuated by women as well as men, so this is clearly not a ‘all men are jerks’ kind of post. Also of course some men are treated badly but that is not what this article was about. It’s like someone telling you their wife has just died and you respond with ‘well my great grandma died 8 years ago, so what?’.
The double standard that sexist men have for women. If we are career oriented they get angry because "feminism has ruined women" and complain about women not being at home anymore. But if you are a homemaker they call you lazy or a golddiger.
Maybe because I'm older now (it did take me a long time to learn), but I don't give a f what people think anymore. I do/say what I feel is right to me. Who cares about society or people I'll probably never meet again in my life or are simply not important enough to me. End of.
I remember being 16 overhearing girls in my class repeatedly bragging about their older boyfriends being so big and muscular. I even remember them talking about guys who were less bulky than their boyfriends (but bulkier than me) saying things like: "I hope for his sake he will grow a decent pair of shoulders one day. So he'll be more attractive." Needless to say being 1,80 metres (5,9 ft)and weighing in at less than 60 kilos (132 pounds) I had body issues as a teenager. Not that I want to p*ss all over this post downplaying womens issues. Judging people by their bodies is bad to do to both men and women. I'm just saying I know many men who have been dealing with these issues too. And this post, like many others, is framing men as perpetrators and women as victims while the truth is way more complex.
I agree, and I know other people will rag on you about your opinion and such, BUT! posts like these are supposed to bring awareness to women's issues, instead of downplaying them. Of course, as I was scrolling through, I had noticed that men had been displayed as rude, obnoxious instigators, when that is simply not the case. All men aren't like this, but some are, and that's the problem.
Load More Replies... Being expected to be the notetaker in work meetings. Older managers at my work always instruct women employees to be notetakers. Somehow, they never assign that task to the men -- even men in the exact same job as women. Oh, and if they ask for a volunteer to take notes, it's like all the men forgot their hands work. There's absolutely no reason that job should constantly fall on women.
Then it should be politely, but firmly pointed out that the manager is making assumptions. Chances are they don't even realise that they always ask women to take notes. Make them aware of their bias, and make it public. Suggest a suitable men to do the job instead. If you remain passive, you are failing to change anything.
Load More Replies... I am literally going to start counting the "women are victimised, men are bad" articles that appear on this website on a daily basis.
Once men start treating us properly this articles will disappear.
Load More Replies... The "girls can't play videogames" "girls can't play in the rain" "girls can't have fun just sit there being pretty" thing. It angered me so much as a child hearing that. let me get messy and muddy and happy like the boys.
You know what's normalised but shouldn't be? Men suffering silently. Being blamed. Always having to stay quiet because 'men don't get abused'. They may not get abused' as OFTEN but it is usually far WORSE. People just need to be open, and the listeners must be supportive and kind. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Absolutely. I had a friend whose girlfriend hit him on purpose with her flipping car, and if he'd been a woman, he'd have everyone he knew up in arms, the police come to the house and arrest him, etc. But with him, the doctors checked him out, police said forget about it, and no one else cared (except me). That is when I realized we need to stop talking about "abused women" and talk about "abused partners". Men get far less support in every way (emotional, financial, law, etc.) In my friend's case, it was made worse because he has very dark brown skin and the doctors said the bruises wouldn't really show in photos in order to make a case. So, couldn't the doctor simply testify to it??!! Also, there has to be some way to deal with that, right? Not just, "Well, we don't know how to prove injury on dark skin".
Load More Replies... I stopped reading at #43. It's so completely normal to experience any of this on a daily basis. Just frustrating.
I’ve complained twice about this specific git, yet no reply.
Load More Replies... Being a "Big, Beautiful Woman" and automatically being friend zoned. Like someone who is overweight doesn't want a romantic relationship, or the men are afraid their friends will make fun of them for dating a larger woman?
I’m going to be a little frivolous for a moment just to show how sexism can hit anyone, male or female. Two of my best friends were boys I’d grown up living near to. Guess which game I could not join them in? I knew very well why I couldn’t but they did quite get it. Some parents had some very awkward questions to field that day.
Or even better yet, anything that isn't about all white people being horrible or all Americans being horrible. You are clowns.
What does this article have to do with Americans? Sexism happens in every region of the world. What about forced marriage in places like India? Or the sexism that happens in the UK?
Load More Replies... Bored Panda. I hereby defy you to post any ad about men being mistreated by women.
How about an article where we discuss the double standards of society where it's assumed any list of "complaints by women" must be derogatory toward *men*, and any list of complaints by men must be derogatory toward women?
Load More Replies... Since I had a narcissist for a mother and grew up in the 50-60s where women didn't have a life, a lot of these existed 100 times worse than now. There was a boy who followed me home every day from school, with his male friends and shouted "fatty fatty 2 by 4" and sang "409" as my weight. My mom did nothing...saying maybe I was fat and deserved it. I had endometriosis and tumors on my uterus. I was in terrible pain from age 15, each month, but because a male doctor told her that someone my age couldn't be in that much pain, she labeled me a "crybaby" and "wanting attention". When I had a hysterectomy at age 50, I was in surgery for 3 extra hours and 2 extra surgeons were brought in to untangle the endometriosis around every organ in my body. The doctor came to me after surgery and said "the pain must have been unbearable, why didn't you talk to anyone?". I told him I did and my mother was sitting right there and just shrugged her shoulders and said " she was a liar all her life"
Not sure if this has been mentioned, because I haven't read all of the comments. It annoys me that it's ok for a 50 yo male marries a 20 yo woman, but if a 50 yo woman marries a 20 yo male it instantly becomes wrong.
Why can a woman not complain about anything without so many men jumping on the defensive. A lot of the problems discussed are perpetuated by women as well as men, so this is clearly not a ‘all men are jerks’ kind of post. Also of course some men are treated badly but that is not what this article was about. It’s like someone telling you their wife has just died and you respond with ‘well my great grandma died 8 years ago, so what?’.
