Jimmy Fallon Asks People Why They Are Still Single, And People Give Their Funny And Weird Reasons (50 New Tweets)

We reached out to dating and relationships coach Rachel New to gain some insight on this topic. First and foremost, she wanted to clarify that, "People shouldn’t have to give reasons why they are single, any more than people should have to justify why they are in a relationship with a particular person. I hope we are moving towards a society that doesn’t judge people for their relationship status!"

"How people make sense of being single can show differences in how we perceive our lives," Rachel elaborated. "We may see being single as a wonderful opportunity to experience freedom, autonomy and growth; or we may feel alone, unattractive and hopeless about the future. Being single can be intentional or unintentional - something we have chosen or something forced upon us - and this makes a big difference to how we live with it."

"When people come to me for coaching, they may be wanting to explore the dynamics of their previous relationships so they can do better next time," Rachel explained. "They may want to make the most of short-term dating; they have enjoyed the single life for some time but now want to find a meaningful commitment; or they may have no experience of relationships at all. How they make sense of their relationship history depends on their relationship with themselves and their well-being."

We were also curious if Rachel often sees people who are looking for love blaming themselves or blaming others for being single. "Some people have a deep-seated belief that there is something wrong with them; others blame dating apps and the poor relationship skills of others for their singleness," she explained.

"These two perceptions are called dispositional and situational attribution by psychologists: in other words, explanations based on oneself and on external circumstances respectively. We all tend towards one or the other depending on the situation, but if someone is feeling pessimistic or hopeless, they are more likely to blame themselves when things go wrong and others when things go right. In coaching, it’s important to challenge these distorted explanations  so you can become more resilient to the ups and downs of life - and even more so if you want to date now or in the future."

"In coaching, the reasons someone might be single when they don’t want to be varies from person to person," Rachel added. "Sometimes I work on getting people to take responsibility for their own dating skills and to see how their behavior and social interaction style might be perceived by others; sometimes I work on self-care and feeling worthy of love. However, we can all improve our relationship skills, which are often formed from copying our families when we were growing up. We can learn to manage conflict better, be less sensitive or more assertive, deal better with our emotions and those of others, and much more."

We also asked Rachel if people tend to be too picky when dating or if it's important to know exactly what we want. "Two key relationship skills are understanding our own needs and then being able to communicate them to others," she says. "We may start with superficial criteria like height or income, but as we date more we realize that others are much more important for building a relationship. The ingredients for creating an initial attraction are very different from those to sustain a commitment in the long-term. Empathy, warmth, good listening skills, openness, emotional availability, admitting when you are wrong, being able to apologize and change your behavior are just a few of the attributes needed. Healthy dating involves updating your criteria regularly!"

Rachel also added, "Research shows that a moderate level of selectivity (or pickiness) is attractive to potential dating partners. To know your own mind shows you have the confidence to say 'I deserve this kind of relationship'. But lists starting with 'Don’t bother messaging me if …' on dating profiles just give the impression that you are bitter about previous bad experiences."

If you're single and ready to mingle and interested in gaining more insight from an expert, be sure to check out Rachel's website right here.

We also reached out to relationship coach Eddie Corbano to gain some more insight on the topic. When it comes to why individuals are single, Eddie says, "First of all, I think that the reasons differ depending on whether you are a man or woman. Also, it depends on whether you are 25 or 45+. I'm in contact mostly with older people. The reason number one for women 45+ is that there are insecure about the dating game today," he explained. "They have mostly come out of a marriage, and everything is so much more different than it used to be. The expectations towards women are nothing like before, and most are afraid of online dating and all the 'freaks' they might meet there."

"So the number one reason is fear," Eddie continued. "Fear about how others might perceive them, fear about an unfavorable outcome, fear about rejection, fear about stepping out of their comfort zone."

"In my experience, fewer men stay single than women at this age," Eddie told Bored Panda. "The problem is that the men don't really know what they want after a divorce. Do they want a fling or a meaningful relationship? This inner conflict manifests in terrible dating experiences. Overall, if men stay single age 45+ then mostly because they don't know how to attract the partner they want. Similar to women, the rules of dating have changed. They wouldn’t often know where to start. So they give up."