As you grow up, you start to notice that there are little things one can do to make everyone’s life easier. More often than not, these aren’t exactly laws and regulations, just emotional intelligence and life experience all rolled into one.
Someone asked “What's an 'unwritten rule' of life that everyone should know about?” and netizens shared their best examples. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorites, and share your own examples in the comments below. And if you want to see some other examples, check out our other article on unwritten rules of life.
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When your roommate, partner, spouse, child, etc. just got home and is still taking off their shoes, putting their keys away, etc....do NOT greet them with a "to-do" request or some sort of reminder. It's a universally s****y feeling to be greeted by that.
If you want to listen to something in public, use f*****g headphones.
“Read the room” is probably one of the best bits of advice for anyone anywhere. It applies to everything from creative work to managing one’s relationships. Because knowing things is just half the battle, people need to know when and where to actually vocalize them.
Interestingly, the entire concept of “read the room” originated not with life advice, but with robbery. A good thief needed to identify marks, risks, and opportunities, so they would “read” the room they were in. It’s only relatively recently that people have switched over to using this idea in the context of emotional intelligence. Perhaps it’s for the best.
If you're walking in a group, don't take up the whole goddamn sidewalk/hallway/tunnel/railroad tracks/trail/path.
Saying thank you, please or sorry when needed. There is nothing wrong in being polite.
Showing kindness is a sign of strength. Especially in those who don't 'have' to.
This is just as true in the workplace as well. After all, unless you are pretty close with your coworkers, most folks don’t want to hear about your baby or your family drama on a Monday morning. Indeed, given the amount of time we spend at work, it might be a better place to really internalize “read the room” and pay attention to these unwritten rules.
Your lack of preparation does not equal someone else’s emergency.
My dad's favorite Navy quote was similar..."A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"
I don’t remember who said this or where I heard it, but I always liked the quote, “if someone tells you that you made them feel a certain way, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
This one is huge. Don't get defensive. Apologize. Even if your intention was not to make someone feel bad or whatever--apologize anyway and then figure out how to do better. I appreciate being called out because it is how I learn to be a better person. But you have to take ego out of it, and that isn't always easy to do.
You having a bad day doesn't mean that you have to ruin other people's day.
Despite the fact that these are “unwritten” rules, the good people of the internet have put a lot of work into assembling these ideas, tips, tricks, and life lessons. So if you are interested in reading more, Bored Panda has got you covered, check out our other article on things that everyone should know.
Always leave a place a little better than you found it 🌱✨. Whether it's cleaning up after yourself at a friend's place, picking up litter during a walk, or just offering a kind word to someone in need, these small acts of kindness and respect make a huge difference. It's about adding value to the world in tiny, manageable ways. 🌍❤️
I do so, especially in shops. Retail worker’s work should be respected. :-)
You can't argue with stupid.
One of my favourite sayings is "Never argue with an idiot. People may not know the difference."
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." George Carlin
Secure your own oxygen mask before helping others.
Seriously. Take this bit of advice and carry it whatever you go through. You can be the most empathetic, helpful, caring person, but even if that's your one goal, by neglecting yourself you won't be the best you can be for others. Sort out mess in your own life, don't carry loads you can't, and everything else will be so much simpler.
You'll never be thanked the way you want to be thanked. Your reward is the good you do, not the praise you get from it.
Putting the grocery cart back costs you nothing.
In fact in most european countries you get the coin back that you have to insert first
Treat others how you want to be treated. It's simple, universal, and fosters respect and empathy in all interactions.
Except if you're a masochist. Then treat others the opposite of the way you want to be treated.
Most opinions can be kept to yourself.
If someone takes the time and goes to the expense of sending you a gift for your graduation, wedding, baby shower, etc., have the common decency to acknowledge it and send a thank you note, email, text, or phone call.
You can do everything right and still not win, sometimes that's just life.
If a toddler gives you a toy phone, you reply. If a little girl gives you an empty toy cup of tea, you pretend to drink. If a little boy shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to be hurt.
What if a little boy gives you a cup of tea, and a little girl shoots you with a toy gun?
If you wouldn’t take advice from someone, don’t take criticism from them either.
I would take this advice with a grain of salt. Anyone can have an insight about our behavior that can actually be helpful. If we are behaving/responding/treating someone poorly, or our behavior is in some way destructive, and it is suggested by someone that we consider this - well, consider it. They may be right. Too many of us get very self-centred and selfish at times without realising it; it may be good to get feedback.
You remember far more embarrassing moments about yourself than your environment remembers about you.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them!!
If someone tells you something that
- is private
- isn't illegal, immoral, or otherwise putting anyone's life or finances or property at risk
then keep it the f**k to yourself unless prompted otherwise by that person.
I'm very good at keeping secrets because I always forget them a few days after they are told to me...
I am even better because I often drift away when people talk to me and I never know what they were saying in the first place. 😁
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If one of my children confides in me or my husband we don't tell the other. Sometimes my oldest is really surprised that his father doesn't know because I didn't tell him (i.e. my husband).
Quite! If someone has told me a secret, it is THEIR secret and not mine. So I'm not keeping a secret from my partner. I'm merely not sharing someone else's.
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Took like a decade for me to get this across to my sister. She just didn't understand the whole privacy thing. Even if it isn't something I specifically labeled private, if I wanted other people to know, I would've told them. Mom was just as bad, and now I have a hell of a time trying to confide in anyone. I don't even trust therapists, they'll tell the stories about their patients and even if they don't put a name to it, in a state where everyone knows everyone, you might as well have said the name.
...if it's private and you don't want ppl knowing then don't be telling people if first place and expecting them to keep it secret when you couldn't
Depends on the trustworthiness of the person you tell. Some people can keep secrets forever. But knowing that takes getting to know them first.
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Whisper: Can you keep a secret? Me: NOPE! Most of the time they tell me anyway.
I know it's human nature to want to tell people things to get it off your chest. But be smart about what you divulge. Life is hard right now. If you're struggling with something chances are the person you tell us struggling with something too. Reach out to a professional not your friend. Don't over burden your friends with your problems because they'll just end up carrying your c**p with them too.
Used to be a joke among my friends that I was the most trusted with their secrets because I would forget them.
What's the old saying? Two people can keep a secret only if one of them is dead.
I only tell important and private things to my therapist as it can’t get back to my family or friends groups. I’ve told things in confidence and had it thrown back at me. No, I’m not friends with that lot anymore.
If you want something to be kept secret, don't share! Keep it to yourself idiot!
Define immoral please. Varies tremendously from culture to culture.
I wondered about that as well, even within any particular culture there’s going to be variance in what constitutes ‘immoral’.
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I don't know why it is so difficult to keep a secret? My husband was recently pissed that I didn't tell him about a coworker who got sick. The coworker's wife told me and asked me not to tell anybody until her husband is comfortable to deal with others. She was seeking for someone to talk her worry off her chest and that happend to be me. I didn't told anyone, including my husband. I don't know why this was apparently wrong, as I received feedback, that spouses are an exception for the "not telling anyone" rule. Well, not in my book. No one is NO ONE!
Even the immoral one is something that you should probably keep to yourself. Just because you think it's immoral doesn't mean other people do. I'd suggest that if it's immoral and doesn't cause harm then ignore it too.
Character is what you do/who you are when no one is watching.
Don’t waste time trying to convince people to care about you. They will or they won’t.
I don't understand the downvotes? Here. Have an upvote. Your comment is valid!
Not every bad person is going to suffer or have some karma happen to them.
Sad but true. A lot of terrible people have great lives.
As a dog owner I would like to see more people ask if its okay to pet the dog, not just go for it. Children are usually good at asking first, but way to many adults just go for it. My dog is not yours to just pet. Ask first. And deal with the answer sometimes will be no.
Definitely. I always ask an owner first if it's ok to approach their dog. Otherwise you also run the risk of getting tooth holes in your hand, and it would be your fault.
Think of your future self not as your current state/mindset but as someone else you have to protect and provide for because that's who they are.
You don't know what they want differently than you do now, what has happened to them, their health, their tragedies, their triumphs, the lessons you haven't had yet, the changes you don't know you have to make, what feelings you have now that they don't... So make sure you're setting them up with the best intentions at heart. They are relying on you for stability & safety, and are watching you thru the memories you're creating now.
Never screw with someone’s lunch break. Most people hate their jobs, and that half hour to an hour they get to be on their own and enjoy their food and/or just time alone is sometimes the only peace and enjoyment they get for 8+ hours.
If you see someone eating in their car, park or walk somewhere else away from them so you don’t disturb them, if they’re in the office by themself, wait until they’re done to talk to them, if it’s close to the normal lunch hours (between 12-2PM), anything you need from that person can wait until after they get back from their lunch. Never. F**k. With. Lunch.
Your actions speak louder than your words.
Learning to 'read the room' is one of the most important, and probably underrated, social skills to have in your locker.
If you're leading a conversation and the other person/people start to look away, act slightly distracted, or interject with different topics, take the hint and change the subject.
Not everyone is as interested as you are in your favourite topics. It doesn't mean you're boring (necessarily), but this isn't the right audience for whatever you're talking about right now.
I'm consistently blown away by the number of grown adults, even in their 30s or 40s, who haven't learned this yet and just yammer on obliviously.
Kindness will be the most valuable item you can use as currency. Without it, you lose long term value with everything we touch.
Examples of a person who invested with kindness?
Mister Rogers
He earned the respect and dignity of the world.
Think before you speak.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln
Try where possible to live for yourself and not for other’s expectations of you.
Ive always put this rule directly under the golden one.
NEVER OVERSTAY YOUR WELCOME.
Self-awareness is a superpower, to be able to pat your own back and call yourself on your c**p is priceless.
Self deprecating humor is also a priceless quality. Being able to acknowledge and laugh at your own faults and foibles breaks down many barriers.
Chew t with your mouth closed. And don't talk with food in your mouth.
Your mental map of how things work is wrong in many ways.
Respect the atmosphere of the room you walk into. If it's quiet, you will be quiet. If it's louder, you can be loud.
I love this one! As a doula I lived by this. I would follow my client's lead. Sometimes I had laboring clients that would want a quiet room, they would whisper or barely talk. So, I was quiet, would whisper and only talk when necessary. Occasionally I'd have loud clients--like the one who wanted to play Friend's Trivia while she was in labor. It was a pretty boisterous room. But one time, I was with a client where it was a very subdued labor. Quiet music, hushed voices, room really dark except for a few battery operated candles. And their L&D nurse kept walking into the room practically shouting, telling jokes, and trying to be cute about everything. I'm like, "read the room!" My clients hated her.
Most of our learning comes about through making painful mistakes.
Life isn't fair.
But that doesn't mean we should make it less fair, or use apathy when it comes to improving fairness
If your wife says she doesn't need presents you still buy her presents.
Or you could just take her at her word and not act like you know better than her what she wants.
You are not the main character. Your actions affect everyone around you as well.
Mood and feelings are like the weather. "I've found that it's of some help to think of one's moods and feelings about the world as being similar to weather. Here are some obvious things about the weather: It’s real. You can't change it by wishing it away. If it's dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can't alter it. It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row. But. It will be sunny one day. In the same way that one has to accept the weather, so one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes. "Today's a c**p day," is a perfectly realistic approach. It's all about finding a kind of mental umbrella. "Hey-ho, it's raining inside: it isn’t my fault and there's nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow and when it does, I shall take full advantage."
But if you live in England you shouldn't get your hopes up too high
Relationships (romantic, familial, friendly, work) are compromise. If you're not willing to help the world around you, don't be surprised when the world doesn't help you in return.
Well, this isn't true. Many extremely UNhelpful people still get lots of help, unfortunately.
Driver’s ed teacher decades ago:
Never stop driving the car. If it looks like you’re about to be in an accident, do not let go of the wheel, close your eyes, and scream because you will be in a wreck. If you keep driving the car, you might get lucky and drive through it, it will certainly be a better outcome than giving up.
This advice applies in general - Never stop driving, no matter how bad things seem.
I once got hit by a car and managed to not go down by counter steering strongly to prevent the bike hitting the pavement. It oscillated from one side to the other about 3 times because the steering force was so great it pitched the bike over to the other side, just like a Weeble wobbling. Hell of a rush when I came to a stop upright though.
Middle seat gets both armrests.
The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough.
Carry your own weight. Nobody likes a burden, nobody respects a parasite, and you aren’t entitled to anything. When I actually learned to provide for myself growing up, was when I finally developed self-respect.
In most cases, hardships are not personal, no one is out to get you, and most things aren’t nearly as important as you think they are.
B.S. I've been in plenty of situations where this wasn't true. There are truly evil people in this world - and you might be working or related to them.
You might not be your best buddy's best friend.
Give a little wave of acknowledgement when someone let's you merge / join the stream of traffic. Flash your lights if there's cops up the road. (Or pat the top of your helmet I'd you're riding a moto). Edit: I'm aware it's illegal in many places, it's illegal where I live too but we still do it 2 finger wave if you're in the middle of whoopwhoop and pass another car.
I used to warn about cops. With the number of people lately that have been doing double the speed limit, passing in no passing zones and around booking curves, blowing through stop signs and crosswalks, I've stopped. Some of the people near me need to lose their license before they kill someone. *Do still warn about deer, though
Don't send out a group text before 7am and after 10:30pm.
Wipe down the damn sink when you're done.
If you hang out with 5 losers, you'll be the 6th.
And everyone will looks like a loser to anyone else, following the American definition of "loser". And, to be honest, only in USA I see this division between "winners" and "losers".
There is only ONE constant in this world.
That constant is change.
Greeting your coworkers when you arrive at work. It’s basic manners that I know a lot of people don’t follow.
Slower traffic keep right.
People are really unaccustomed to others admitting they have screwed up. Most drama in your personal or professional life can be avoided by just straight up contacting the person or people you let down or impacted and saying “hey, I f-ed up but am getting it fixed” instead of letting them discover it. And if you can’t fix it, an apology that *doubles down* on your guilt will usually suffice. “Hey, I f-ed up, it’s totally my fault, I just dropped the ball and there’s no excuse.”
The power comes from not letting them have time to fume over it or giving them room to talk down to you. You’re in control.
Occasionally you’ll screw up so bad that the response is not so understanding, but at that point you probably have a major lesson to learn.
That said, there are absolutely times when admitting guilt has serious consequences and you have to mitigate the damage (think legal consequences in which admission of guilt will have a long lasting impact). Of course, if you’re in *that* situation, you need a lawyer.
Don't give excuses, give reasons and take accountability. Telling the whole truth calmly and clearly to someone's face immediately can get you out of a whole bunch of trouble. A lot of mistakes are easy to fix if caught immediately, but have horrible consequences if left to fester.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
The person that cooks doesn’t do the dishes.
Not true. If you cook to "Do something nice for your partner/spouse" and then they walk into the kitchen and it's a bombsite, you lose a lot of goodwill. When you cook, clean as you go, and leave the kitchen tidy. Person that doesn't cook clears the table. If it's a routine division of labour, that can be different, but you still clean up as you go, just might leave the washing up neatly stacked beside the sink.
At a house party if the toilet door is closed it is occupied. When open it is available to use. So many ppl close the door after use when nobody is there.
When someone asks you "How are you?" as a greeting, its OK to lie. That is not the time to trauma dump.
If your coworkers literally turn their backs to you and don’t respond to you as you speak, it’s a good indication you should stop talking.
You see someone nicking baby food, nappies, pads, tampons etc you stay quiet.
Never own an animal that can kill you.
Most animals people keep could kill you. Dogs kill thousands of people every year. Horses kill hundreds of people every year. People don't usually associate those animals as dangerous. Animals that are often associated as dangerous or deadly rarely harm people. Alligators are dangerous but they rarely hurt people. (Alligators don't make good pets.) But a reticulated python can make an excellent pet for people who have the space for them. They don't hurt their keepers on purpouse, even though they could easily kill a person. This really just depends on the animal.
People you work with are NOT your friends. They can become your friends AFTER you leave that job, but not while you’re working together.
Whoops, better tell my best friend of over a decade that we aren't friends.
somewhere as a child I heard a slightly different and much stronger version: "The most unforgivable of all sins - is to try to ease your own hurt - by hurting someone else."
HAVING POWER IS NEVER PERMISSION NOR SUPERIORITY. Whether it's males towards women, whites towards Black people, adults towards children, car drivers towards cyclists, the wealthy and the poor, or any other situation, your position NEVER gives you the authority to abuse or take advantage of others.
Another one that should be obvious: equal treatment means equal treatment. If it's rude, demeaning, or just weird towards someone without a disability, it's the same towards someone WITH a disability. ▪️▪️▪️If someone with a disability needs help, they'll be the first one to tell you. Otherwise: please don't nanny over people. We live with our disability 24/7 and know what we're about. We've learned all sorts of tips and tricks to function independently, and if we can't do something we've learned to ask. ▪️▪️▪️I've had people quietly stalk me all the way through a supermarket for 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if it was meant well, it matters if it was appropriate. Would it have been appropriate towards someone without a disability....?
What if you just notice they're struggling? (Honest question.) I was about to leave high school one day (or go to another class), and there was the group of friends leaving a classroom. Our classes had automatic closing doors, but not opening, and their friend with a missing leg didn't have his prosthetic on that day, using crutches instead. I saw he was really struggling to open the door, so I opened it for him with a friendly smile. He mumbled a thanks and caught up to his buddies quickly after that. That door in particular was always a pain to open though, even without any missing limbs. Did I step out of line by accident do you think?
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By the time this list reached me, there was no place to add anything new, so I’ll just leave these here, in the general comments: • With people you see a lot of, you don’t have to do that irritating thing very often for it to become a “you always”; • DON’T ENGAGE SOMEONE WHO’S READING unless it’s objectively important. On the bus, in coffee shops, even libraries: there’s always someone who seems to think I’m reading because I don’t have someone interesting to talk to. (In fact, I have trouble recovering from interruptions, & when someone breaks my concentration just to flap jaw, I may not be able to pick up where I left off for some time.) • Other people aren’t in your head. Make your (reasonable) needs & expectations known as succinctly as possible, since they also don’t have all day to listen your explanations. • By the same tokin’, don’t interrupt—but also state your piece as efficiently as possible, then let someone else have the floor.
The book "488 rules for life" by comedian Kitty Flannigan has better rules for life than most of these. Read it. Learn the rules. Then break them.
My favorite is, "if you can't live with yourself, then, you can't expect other to live with you." And "treat others how you wish to be treated" they sort of run together
For you dog owners/walkers- a pinch collar does exactly what is sounds like it does. It pinches a dog's neck EVERY TIME the dog moves. For those of you using it as a collar, how would you like to be corrected every time you move? Pinch Collars can be good -IF they are used correctly, which is to train or correct. Using them on an everyday basis is cruel.- Former Military Dog Trainer
somewhere as a child I heard a slightly different and much stronger version: "The most unforgivable of all sins - is to try to ease your own hurt - by hurting someone else."
HAVING POWER IS NEVER PERMISSION NOR SUPERIORITY. Whether it's males towards women, whites towards Black people, adults towards children, car drivers towards cyclists, the wealthy and the poor, or any other situation, your position NEVER gives you the authority to abuse or take advantage of others.
Another one that should be obvious: equal treatment means equal treatment. If it's rude, demeaning, or just weird towards someone without a disability, it's the same towards someone WITH a disability. ▪️▪️▪️If someone with a disability needs help, they'll be the first one to tell you. Otherwise: please don't nanny over people. We live with our disability 24/7 and know what we're about. We've learned all sorts of tips and tricks to function independently, and if we can't do something we've learned to ask. ▪️▪️▪️I've had people quietly stalk me all the way through a supermarket for 10 minutes. It doesn't matter if it was meant well, it matters if it was appropriate. Would it have been appropriate towards someone without a disability....?
What if you just notice they're struggling? (Honest question.) I was about to leave high school one day (or go to another class), and there was the group of friends leaving a classroom. Our classes had automatic closing doors, but not opening, and their friend with a missing leg didn't have his prosthetic on that day, using crutches instead. I saw he was really struggling to open the door, so I opened it for him with a friendly smile. He mumbled a thanks and caught up to his buddies quickly after that. That door in particular was always a pain to open though, even without any missing limbs. Did I step out of line by accident do you think?
Load More Replies... By the time this list reached me, there was no place to add anything new, so I’ll just leave these here, in the general comments: • With people you see a lot of, you don’t have to do that irritating thing very often for it to become a “you always”; • DON’T ENGAGE SOMEONE WHO’S READING unless it’s objectively important. On the bus, in coffee shops, even libraries: there’s always someone who seems to think I’m reading because I don’t have someone interesting to talk to. (In fact, I have trouble recovering from interruptions, & when someone breaks my concentration just to flap jaw, I may not be able to pick up where I left off for some time.) • Other people aren’t in your head. Make your (reasonable) needs & expectations known as succinctly as possible, since they also don’t have all day to listen your explanations. • By the same tokin’, don’t interrupt—but also state your piece as efficiently as possible, then let someone else have the floor.
The book "488 rules for life" by comedian Kitty Flannigan has better rules for life than most of these. Read it. Learn the rules. Then break them.
My favorite is, "if you can't live with yourself, then, you can't expect other to live with you." And "treat others how you wish to be treated" they sort of run together
For you dog owners/walkers- a pinch collar does exactly what is sounds like it does. It pinches a dog's neck EVERY TIME the dog moves. For those of you using it as a collar, how would you like to be corrected every time you move? Pinch Collars can be good -IF they are used correctly, which is to train or correct. Using them on an everyday basis is cruel.- Former Military Dog Trainer
