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“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do
There are as many parenting styles as there are parents. And since all moms and dads want what’s best for their kids, the fact that they tend to be very opinionated about that shouldn’t come as a surprise.
The recent TikTok videos from a mother of four named Casara have created quite a stir on social media for her unorthodox approach to parenting. In a series of videos, Casara openly shared things she and her husband Juan allow their children do, from not forcing them go to college to allowing them to swear.
“We have a very open & honest relationship with our kids,” Casara claims, so let’s find out more about her parenting style, and be sure to share what you think in the comments!
Mom of four Casara took it to TikTok to share the things she allows her kids to do
@casaranjuan We have a very open & honest relationship with our kids #ReTokforNature #MessFreeHero #parents #parenting #parentsoftiktok #parentingtips #parentsbelike #moms #dads #momsoftiktok #dadsoftiktok #momlife #momtok #parenttok #open #honest #parentinghacks ♬ original sound - CasaraNJuan
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#1
If my kid, teenager, is out and they're drinking with friends, and they call me, and they say: "Hey mom, I need you to come get me," I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go get them. We will not talk about it until the next day. Let's face it, peer pressure is real, and people can't learn unless they make mistakes or do something they're not supposed to do.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
My mom did this for me and I am willing to do it for my kids. Safety first! Then you can deal with life lessons once they are secure!
Bella 3 years ago
My Mom did as well! Great to have someone to call in bad situations
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KING ILLEGAL FOREST 3 years ago
THIS. My niece got too drunk at a party once and did not hesitate to call my sister. Did we laugh the next day at some of the ridiculous things she said while drunk? You bet. Would I have called my mother at that age, in a similar situation? HELL NO. I would rather have died than face my mother's wrath. In fact I almost did, more than once.
Just_for_this 3 years ago
USA has such an unhealthy relationship with age of consent. You can have joined the army, had a family and been paying tax all before your 18th birthday. Yet woe be tied if you pick up a bottle of beer.
Sunny Day 3 years ago
Talk about it when you get them up at 6am so they can eat every bite of a breakfast of runny eggs, boiled bacon, and severely burned toast.
Scotty Dean 2 years ago
Yep, as I explained to my step-daughter, complete amnesty that night, and a greatly reduced sentence the next day because you were smart after being dumb...
After Casara, the mom of four, shared the things she allows her children to do, including swearing, a heated discussion started between parents online. So in order to find out an expert’s opinion about this controversial subject, Bored Panda spoke with Anisa Lewis, a positive parenting and life coach who shared some interesting insights about it.
“As parents, we are our child’s first role models and they take a lot of their cues about the world from us. Each family is different and what would work for one family is not going to be appropriate for another,” Lewis explained.
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#2
My child does not have to give you a kiss, does not have to hug you, does not have to hang around you, does not have to do anything with you if they choose not to.
Derek Skiba 3 years ago
Yes! Kids should get to choose whether they want to hug or kiss Aunt Martha
Rostit . 3 years ago
what the hell is wrong with you and that hammer and sickle picture?
Load More Replies... Nitka Tsar 3 years ago
How is this controversial? I thought this is standard for at least the current generation of Mothers
Captain Kyra 3 years ago
How can we expect children to understand consent unless they are are also respected with the bodily autonomy? Children become adults and can be taught to trust their instincts and respect boundaries if we model that behavior.
Danish Susanne 3 years ago
Exactly the point. Whe children grow up, they learn their behavior from the adults around them. If their parents insist on them kissing someone they don't want to kiss, how are they to learn to say no later, even if this girl doen't want to be with that man?
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Headless Roach 3 years ago (edited)
How is that controversial? Isn't that just basic little human rights?
Alexia 3 years ago (edited)
Apparently no. I still know a lot of "traditional" families (including mine) who treat children like puppets or possessions. The child is expected to comply with everything the adults want to (kissing, hugging, pinching, silly jokes); if they don't, they are labeled as "uneducated" and "savage".
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Th3_Narrat0r 3 years ago
I feel like they shouldn't have to hug/kiss, but (I was raised like this I would like to preface) should have yo hang around people. The exception is if they make the kid uncomfortable. I say this because you have to learn to deal with people you don't like. I have certain family members that I see sometimes that I'm forced to hang with even though I don't like them. As I said, though, if a person is making your child uncomfortable, than leave, that's a good reason. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
some parents force their kids to, and that just means you're trying to cross their personal boundaries.
#3
My kids can love/be with whoever they want. Color, race, gender, nationality. It does not matter. They can love and be with whoever they want, as long as they are treating each other right. That goes for my child treating them right and them treating my child right.
Rostit . 3 years ago
except if you are okay with genocide of thousands of Crimean Tartars, Buryats, siberians, Armenians, Ukrainians... You post with a symbol of hate.
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Shiloh Casey 3 years ago
Also, be who you are. Some people don't wanna be gay/lesbian/trans/etc. It is who they are. Thankful there are parents out there that love and accept their children for being honest and open about who they love.
Brenda Greene 3 years ago
ABSOLUTELY! My child is Pan and Gender fluid, and I express to them that all they need to do is be themselves, love themselves for who they are and show that to others.
Crow (he/they) 3 years ago
Yo more genderfluid kids! make sure that they know they're not alone
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Randolph Croft 3 years ago
There is not so much love in the world that I would chase any of it away.
Leeda Luciano 3 years ago
It’s good to have that sort of mentality regarding the people your child chooses to love…since you will have no control over that choice anyway. Unfortunately that’s also true of relationships that don’t treat them right…still their choice.
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
What they are on the outside (what they look like, I mean) does not affect them on the inside (unless they're insecure, but hopefully you know what I mean.)
#4
If your kid hits my kid, my kid will knock your kid out and I will high five them.
Derek Skiba 3 years ago
It is important that your kid learns how to defend theirself. If you are being pummeled and say "Please stop", the attacker won't just say "Understandable, have a nice day"
rehanne garvey 3 years ago
Thats why the Ukraine is kicking Russia in the teeth for being foul bullies.
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indiecognition 3 years ago
Automatically retaliating/escalating violence isn't the only way to stand up for yourself
Gabriele Alfredo Pini 3 years ago
1. You tell a teacher 2. You tell your parents 3. You lay on them with the wrath of the gods.
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Judes 3 years ago
What if your kid was a verbally abusive bully for years and the other kid finally snapped? Is it then justified to knock the other kid out?
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Justin Jones 3 years ago
My dad told me, "Never start a fight - but you can finish one". I was an introvert and in general avoided confrontation - which seemed to actually attract it. I got fed up one day with one of my regular bullies and finally said something to the effect of "Shut up!" (harsher words/swearing/questioning parentage may have been involved). Guy threw a punch and I started throwing punches. Teacher eventually showed up and pulled me off the guy - then off to the principle's office. School had a "zero tolerance" policy on fighting so we were both set to be suspended. My dad showed up and principle announced my suspension - expecting my Dad to add further punishments at home. Dad asked "who threw the first punch?" after some hemming and hawing the principle admitted it was the other guy but that it didn't matter. My dad announce, "We are done here - and if you suspend my son you will be talking to my lawyer". Did not get suspended.
KING ILLEGAL FOREST 3 years ago
My father always told me, "a lady never starts fights, but she can finish them."
Littlebunnyfufu 3 years ago
Hmmm...There's a difference between defense against a true bully (targeted, ongoing behaviors, etc.) and learning appropriate ways to have healthy conflict. Context matters, a lot here.
just me 3 years ago
Please teach your kid to respond proportionally and to know what's going on first. I've watched a kid get punched in the face for 'hitting' another child. The hit was him getting pushed into the kid by someone behind him in line. I've also had a kid tell me that their mom said if someone messed with him to hit back. Someone stuck their tongue out at the kid so he pounded on them.
Maple Porkly 3 years ago
I've told my kid that if someone throws the first punch she can fight back until they run off, back off, or fall down. Fight until your attacker is no longer attacking you. But if there is an authority figure near by like a cop or a teacher, call out to them first and let them know you are being attacked. That way you could get help without violence. If they don't help you, defend yourself.
The parenting coach continued: “What I respected in the video of the mum is that she did allow her children to swear but there were boundaries and rules in place about when they could and they couldn’t, which is important.” Lewis added that “They had obviously taken the time to talk to their 4 children and were there to answer questions that they might have.”
Meanwhile, in Lewis’ family, she says, they ‘try’ not to swear in front of their teen but we are all human and it does happen. “If she doesn’t hear the language from us, she is certainly going to pick it up in school and when out in the community. We can’t shield her from this language but we can educate her on word meaning, when to use the language and the similarity with the family in the video is that we have discussed as a family what works for us and what we accept and don’t accept, we have boundaries that are right for our family,” Lewis explained.
#5
Our kids are allowed to swear. They know when they can swear, how they can swear, who they can swear around. They're allowed to swear. If you think that the worst thing your child can do is swear, then you have another thing coming. I said what I said.
Dave Van Beurden 3 years ago
Swearing actually serves a purpose. If you hurt yourself and swear, you will feel less pain. Put your hand in ice, if you swear you can hold your hand in there for much longer than if you do not swear. If you use cleaned-up swear words (e.g.fudge, darn) it helps, but less than full-on swearing.
Mokayokok 3 years ago (edited)
I can imagine a bunch of parents responding to your comment about how full of s**t you are concerning cussing being okay if your in physical pain, but you are absolutely right - through some studies it's been proven, and I also let my child cuss sporiadically if she gets hurt, or is very angry over a situation. This has resulted in her still saying, "oh sorry" if a cuss word falls out of her mouth and "Can I cuss?!" even though we both know she's going to say it regardless. She has never cuss at me though, I doubt she ever will just because we're so close and she would feel bad afterwards.
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Iam Knucks 3 years ago
I don't mind when my kids swear, but they're not allowed to weaponize it. You can't swear at people, but you can swear out of frustration.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I'd rather my kids swear our of anger and frustration than hit or throw things. I've seen both kinds of people. One is far more well adjusted than the other
Load More Replies... Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago (edited)
Swearing is intensely cultural anyway. In Britain, words like "hell", "damn" and "a*s" aren't thought of as swearing, whereas in parts of the US they seem to be considered profane. Look, BP just censored "a*s". Not a real swear, BP.
The Other Guest 3 years ago (edited)
My mom told me that when she was a kid in Canada, "bloody" was considered a swear word. A nosebleed was a "bleeding nose," not a "bloody nose." And in high school, I had a teacher from Portugal who never swore. She once shocked the entire office by calling someone "an a*s." In her mind, she was calling him a donkey, but of course that's not how the American faculty took it. EDIT: Just remembered I was playing an online word game similar to scrabble. I tried to play the word "tom" (male cat) and the game rejected it as being "offensive."
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OwenHasADHD 3 years ago
Gotta keep the ads flowing, and by extension, the money.
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Jill Hojnacki 3 years ago
The swearing part is fine, but those who think that’s the worst thing their child can do have another THINK coming, not “thing”. In other words, they need to think again.
Wintermute 3 years ago
"Curse" words were for a more superstitious time. Nowadays we know that words only have the power you give them. When it comes to swearing with my children, any word used to hurt someone is a swear word. The F word can be fat or f**k if you use it against someone, but not if you're referring to a cut of meat or if you just stubbed your toe. Context is what matters, not someone else's cultural definition of the thing.
#6
My son is 18 and I have taught him that if he wants to cry, then let them tears fall. It is okay to cry and let them tears fall. This misconception of telling men that they need to man up or that they're not a man because they're crying is [nonsense].
That is the reason why a lot of men are the way they are as far as not being open and being in touch with their feelings, and not all but some men.
Derek Skiba 3 years ago
Crying is ok, but f*******s that claim to be "alpha male" or whatever, say otherwise
Anna 3 years ago
Or getting angry. It's ok to get angry, it's your brain telling you something is off. We don't teach kids, especially men, how to deal with anger. Anger is an emotion, like happiness and sadness. But we have made it unacceptable to society. We just tell our kids to stop being so angry and that anger is bad but we don't teach them proper ways to deal with it.
Capn Smashem 3 years ago
The only appropriate way to deal with anger is to immediately remove yourself from the situation you are angry at, gather your intelligence to override the caveman part of your brain with a more logical approach, and handle the situation in the best way available. At the end of the day, it was whatever it was, but anger only amplifies the bad. The idea that it is "ok to get angry" is way off. Anger is an expression of frustration, and frustration doesn't make a bad situation any better. I am not an angry person, but when people are angry at me and I have no control over the situation because their survival brain has taken over, then, instead of solving the problem, I have to instead find a way to shut down their anger and bring them back to reality so that we can resolve the problem. When an emotion like anger is present, violence becomes highly probable, and I'm really good at violence. What people need to learn is that anger is not a useful emotion 99% of the time.
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Gena Robinson 3 years ago
So true. I welcome it my son cries when he's upset, when he's angry, always allowed it never told him it was not okay. He's became great man! I get compliments all the time about a wonderful person he is, and that is because I let him feel.
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
This reminds me of one of my book characters, and apparently he doesn't cry in front of others or let his feelings show until later. Just some random connection. And I most definitely agree with you, parent.
Ron Ingram 2 years ago
There are times and places for men to cry. Sometimes it's the most manly thing to do. But there are MORE times and places for women to cry.
Natassja Moore 3 years ago
My fiance is this way. He was never allowed to show emotion, still doesn't sometimes. He yells at our 15 year old sons for crying regularly and when I see it or hear it, I let them cry in peace unless they need a hug or something.
#7
College. We will not force our kids to go to college if they don't want to. Let's face it, nobody really knows exactly what they wanna do, ever.
Geoffrey Scott 3 years ago
Tell most kids that trades(electricians, pipefitters, etc..) are SCREAMING for people. Little debt, and come out starting at 50k u.s., much more with OT
Nizumi 3 years ago
There are options. College is nice and all - but it rarely provides marketable job skills. I don't understand why we still look down on folks who go to vocational school. Universities don't grind to a halt when the professors and TAs walk out. But if the plumbers and electricians take even half a day off, the whole place starts falling apart! Spoken as someone who watched this happen. :)
Bookmaiden 3 years ago
My two oldest (F) went to college, got degrees and both have great jobs. My youngest (M) dropped out after 2 semesters. He did get a job doing helpdesk/computer work and eventually learned how to smoke foods. He now works in a restaurant doing what he loves. His goal is to eventually open a food truck.
Iam Knucks 3 years ago
Depending what state you're in, you can go to college for free. College is so much more than learning a trade. Studying something you're interested in. It's your first dip into independent adulthood. If you go to school somewhere like Toronto, it can be an amazing multicultural world class experience. I wouldn't trade my time in college for anything, despite having gone a different road.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
Our kids are homeschooled. Once they finish we are giving them a gap year like they do in Europe. We want them to spend some time figuring out what they want to do before wasting money on schooling they may or may not need.
Anna 3 years ago
I disagree. If my kid turns out to be super assertive and knows what he wants to do with his life then it'll be 100% his choice. If he doesn't know what he wants he has to go to college while he decides what to do. I think people underestimate how aimless and in need of guidance teens are. Yes, he can drop out of college as soon as he has an aim in life. In the meanwhile he can have my guidance and direction. I'm also not opposed to him learning a trade and following that as a career. But gotta have an aim in life.
Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
At least start out in community college so they can be making progress towards an eventual degree while taking courses that aren't so expensive that you're terrified to waste a semester or two trying out new things that aren't perfectly optimized to a degree. I didn't know what I wanted to do but a state college didn't really give me the chance to figure it out. I just had to take the exact set of classes other people decided for me. Didn't get the freedom to try out other classes I actually thought sounded fun until I went back to community college in my 30s.
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Christopher Donald 3 years ago
"Nobody," huh? No one ever in the history of the world knew what they wanted to do, ever. Ok. Here's hoping number 30 or so is teaching them to not exaggerate to make themselves look better.
Gena Robinson 3 years ago
I feel the same way. Both of my children had a pretty sizable trust fund for college. Both of them decided to do other things trade school etc. One of them's a homeowner now and they both have great jobs.
Heather Carolan 3 years ago
This comment. Not everyone is able to afford college/wants to do the student loan thing/able to get them. Plus, we NEED more tradespeople!
As a parenting coach, Lewis argues, she respects where each of her clients is coming from and there is no judgement. “However, children need to understand the words they are using, what they mean and this comes through education, discussions and an open relationship with their parents and carers.”
When asked about drawbacks of parents allowing their kids to swear, Lewis said that “a drawback could be that depending on the age or the maturity of the child, they may not always respect the boundaries and rules put in place around swearing or perhaps there weren’t any and they are just repeating what they have heard.”
#8
We teach our kids at a young age what sex is, what their parts are, what drugs are, everything. We teach them everything at a very young age. That way they know what the consequences are. They know what the actions are, they know what the positivity to everything is, and they don't ever have to be ashamed of who they are.
Derek Skiba 3 years ago
Why hide it? Keep the stuff they watch family friendly, but make sure they know about the real world.
WonderWoman 3 years ago
Teach children the proper names of body parts. Everything below the waist on females is not the JayJay.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
So by hiding information about this stuff or calling body parts silly names you make things taboo. That can either make the kid want to do those things more or make them afraid. Neither one of those responses are good. I have always be open and honest about stuff with my kids and now they know how things really work. My hubby and I have even allowed them to try alcohol and they are like... nah we are good! Stop hiding info from kids, they are smarter than you think!!! And they will learn from their friends and 9/10 that info will be wrong.
Steph Peth 3 years ago
Foe some things yes, teaching a 2 year old that it's a penis not a Willie is good. Teaching them that babies are conceived by a mommy and daddy and bot brought by a stork is good. You fill in details as they become older.
Load More Replies... Octavia Hansen 3 years ago
They also will know when someone is lying or using them. Good for you!
Ivan Aguilar 3 years ago
I was shocked when I learned that my two nephews and some of their friends (male and female) thought that "pulling out" was an effective contraceptive method... they learned that from p⁰rn🤦🏻♂️
Danish Susanne 3 years ago
It is also important to make them understand that pornography is staged like movies and not true
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Robert B 3 years ago
I don’t censor myself much when I speak to my eldest son, my youngest is only 2. My wife censors so much that I’m fairly certain she is a character in 1984. Wasn’t always like that, I don’t know what happened. Anyway, sorry for the tangent. My eldest knows that he can come to me with any question and I’ll do my best to answer it.
#9
If my kid needs a mental health day from school, whatever it is, I'm gonna let them take it. They don't have to be sick. We don't have to have something to do. We don't have to have any of that. For my kid to stay home, all they have to do is say: "Mom, I need a day to myself. I need a mental health day."
KING ILLEGAL FOREST 3 years ago
When I was growing up, unless you were vomiting blood or had a bone sticking out, you were gong to school.
Load More Replies... XenoMurph 3 years ago
Yea, can very easily turn into, "Mom I want to play playstation...oh, no, I meant, 'mental health day'" Could easily teach them how to be lazy.
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Petro Roos 3 years ago
We had those! And we never felt the need to "skip school" (in the sense of pretending you'll go. but never showing up), all we had to do was, tell my mom that I don't want to go to school, and she'll ask: "are you missing tests or projects?" if the answer was yes, then she's say, "go, but see how you feel tomorrow" if the answer is no, then we could go right back to bed or do whatever we wanted. she did have 2 rule though. Off days may not fall on Mondays or Fridays, and Off days may not happen more than once a month. Off days did not include actual sick days.
Laura Ketteridge 3 years ago
Mental health IS health. We need to stop trying to separate it into 'mental health' and 'physical health'. That's not how our bodies work.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
This isn't possible when both parents work full time as essential workers, those who can't WFH. This is a privilege not everyone has.
Appalachian Panda 3 years ago
Depends on the kid, surely, and how old they are. I was definitely staying home by myself by the time I was in middle school.
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CarpeDentum 3 years ago
We got to have those when I was growing up. Did a world of difference and since I was respected enough to know when I was, as my much younger sister called it until she was old enough to get a grasp on the concept of mental illness, "sick in the brain", I respected them wanting me to have a good education so I only asked for days off when I really needed them. I firmly believe that a child growing up knowing that mental and physical health are equally important will become a better grown up than a lot of us who came before.
PandaRave 3 years ago
If they cry wolf too much, then they have to deal with what happens when they missed too many days of school and can’t take anymore mental health days when they really need it.
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TTorrest Author 3 years ago
We call them "ME Days" in our house, and we try to limit them to two per school year.
#10
If my kids see anybody being bullied they're to step in and help. It is not okay for any kid to put down another kid ever. I said what I said.
Laura Ketteridge 3 years ago
"Step in and help" doesn't have to mean physically stop what's happening. It can mean videoing, calling for a teacher/adult, running away and getting help.
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Steph Peth 3 years ago (edited)
I got a call from school once that my son had been punched I the face but was fine (second graders can't punch very well) when I asked what happened he saw a kid being bullied and made the conscious decision to step in front of the punch.
Sarah Monk 3 years ago
To do nothing is just as bad as doing it. Thank you for teaching your children to be great citizens
Katy McMouse 3 years ago
This is something I've told my kids and I'll defend this, always. They do know that if they know or even sense that it would be dangerous to do so, they must get help, one way or another. If it's in school, it's someone from the faculty. If it's in public and they feel the need to involve the police, call 911. I don't want them to stand around recording without doing anything else to help. I think teaching ambivalence is just as dangerous as teaching violence because violence, and those who choose violence, will always be a part of this world, whereas people willing to step in and put an end to violence are in short supply. We need more of these people for this world to stand any chance at all.
Maple Porkly 3 years ago
This is kind of dependent on the circumstances. If a weapon is involved, hell no, get an authority figure. If they are simply name calling, a strong voiced "I disagree" should break up the bully's voice.
Ash Conner 2 years ago
100 percent agreed!!! That is how you teach a child to stand up to the world, especially for someone who feels that they don't have a voice.
Gena Robinson 3 years ago
My son was given one day suspension for defending a smaller heavy set kid that didn't quite shoot up like the rest of them did in junior high. He actually had to jump on the other kids back to get him to get off the smaller boy. I was told by the principal that I should be proud of my son for standing up for his friends but he still had to suspend at least one day, school rules!
Moreover, swearing can become a default behavior, the parenting coach argues. “It’s something that we do without thinking about it, we use the words for effect, attention and often we use them as they are on the tip of our tongue and it is easier to say it than think of an alternative.”
“Another drawback is the judgement of others and their values around the use of such words, it can also cause offense to others without meaning to,” Lewis added.
But there may be some benefits to swearing as “children are encouraged to be themselves, to express themselves.” Lewis explained that “If the boundaries are respected around swearing, then this too is a benefit in that there is respect and acknowledgement of the rules and systems of the family.”
#11
Our kids are to treat everybody equally while at the same time, know that everybody is not treated equally. If you understand what that means. We tell them to see color and not to ever say, "I don't see color", because you do, you treat everybody the same, the same way you would treat a homeless person staying on the corner of the street is the same way you would treat the president of the US.
Derek Skiba 3 years ago
Yes! What kind of parent tells their kid to attack every poor non-white person?!
Nitka Tsar 3 years ago
Most of them do not teach it outright to their kids. But kids are very perceptive. They learn it by observing their elders and imitating what they do
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Micah Chips 🇺🇦 3 years ago
oh...I would not punch a homeless person on the street but AS FOR FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP... (this is lighthearted, I can't even legally vote, I will delete this comment if something goes wrong but it's meant to be a joke lol.)
K80.127 3 years ago
Multiple studies have shown that by pointing out differences and talking about them, you are creating a rift in your child's brain for them. (Making a gap that they have to jump to find "equality") the best plan of action is to let them see with their own eyes and answer their questions/rephrase their wording as needed. Pointing out inequalities makes a person look for them creating a larger for society as a whole. Everyone sees color, it's how YOU behave that matters.
Natassja Moore 3 years ago
My kids father is rasict and homophobic(mostly, he says not always), but we raise our children to think for themselves, tiny little white boys from rural America, and they've got colored friends. They know they look different, they just don't care.
Capn Smashem 3 years ago
This one seems like common sense, I think you're part of a very small minority if you don't approach a stranger as if you know nothing at all about them. People will always consistently and naturally come to the same realization that we're all just people. You have to be TAUGHT not to do this. I was taught very very young by all the kids that called me "lil fat white boy" and would make fun of my body, that I was not able to be accepted in their group because I was white, short, and chubby, so I don't associate with them, because they naturally hate me and treat me differently because of the color of my skin and the shape of my body, so be it. They were taught that, it's history, nothing can undo what has been done to their perception of the people they share the planet with, so I just mind my own business and stay out of theirs.
#12
Religion. My first two kids I baptized, but my last two kids I did not baptize. I will allow them to choose if they wanna follow a religion, if they wanna believe in God, if they don't wanna believe in God. Whatever they feel is best for them.
novasoup (she/her) 3 years ago
this mom is a perfect example of what all christians should be like
Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
My husband was raised Catholic, and his mom wanted to baptize our daughter. We were gonna just let her do it on her own to make her happy (a baby doesn't know what's going on, and it only means something if we keep up teaching her when she's older) but that ended pretty much the moment the church emailed us the steps and said that both parents had to dedicate themselves to teaching the child about the religion, and we're like "nah, if she wants it when she's older she can do it then" who cares what grandma wants.
Nikkie Nothing 3 years ago
I baptized my daughter but it was not out of religious reasons. It was really just about family tradition. I have never once in her 7 years made her go to church and the last time I went to church was when she was baptized.
R A 3 years ago
Why did you feel the need to make promises you had no intentions on keeping to a God you care little for/don’t believe in? There’s really no need for this kind of hypocrisy when you could have had a naming ceremony or similar.
Load More Replies... OwenHasADHD 3 years ago
I am an atheist and my religious parents say they're fine with it, but they drop subtle hints sometimes that they don't want me to be that.
SpongeBob SquarePants 3 years ago
but why didnt the first two kids get to choose which religion they wanna follow?
AsexualShrimp 3 years ago
maybe she later learned that she shouldn't have done that? that's my guess
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Sinnsyk Jakte 2 years ago
I was baptized twice. The first when I was a baby...the second because I had accidentally stepped on snakes several times and didn't get bit.
#13
I will allow my daughters to wear tampons. And I will teach them the proper way to wear tampons. I'm gonna tell you why. When I started my period, nobody had taught me how to wear tampons, and I was told I was not allowed to wear them, but I did because I wanted to be in my swim class. You know what happened? It got stuck. So I had to go to the emergency room and be embarrassed and have them take it out because I left the cardboard on.
Chickens are fluffy 3 years ago (edited)
I'm sorry, ( about it getting stuck and having to go to the ER) but you should teach your daughters who get periods everything about having one! Thank you for doing this
2x4b523p 3 years ago (edited)
Thank you! I am well over 40 years old and hide the fact I am using tampons from my mother because according to her they are evil things that “plug you”. I still shrudder when I remember how from age 11 I had to use those huge thick pads that showed under everything you wore and leaked everywhere no matter how careful you were. I bought my first box of tampons as soon as I moved out and no longer felt like my life is on hold for a week every month.
Jan Rosier 3 years ago
Serious question, why would anyone tell a daughter they are not allowed to wear tampons if that is their choice?
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
Look at the subreddjt bad women's anatomy. Omg, the amount of people that think tampons are for loose vaginas are insane
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UpQuarkDownQuark 3 years ago
I’m a guy and don’t have or want kids, but anyone who shames a girl for the natural function of her body is just a horrible person. It’s so important for a girl to know that A) menstruating is just as normal as any body function, from blinking to sweating to sleeping, B) how to care for herself on her period so she is comfortable and safe, and C) that she is encouraged to ask any questions about it or seek help if something doesn’t seem right.
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
As a mom it is our duty to teach our daughters how to deal with the very natural, normal process of having a period. I have been 100% open and honest with my girls. When they both started they came to me knowing I wasn't going to make a joke of it but rather guide them through it. I have answered all questions and have done my best to educate them. It's important they they know that being a woman and having a period is nothing to be ashamed of and it's something you have to deal with so lets deal with it properly and in a healthy way. My hubby is also on board with this and deals with all of it with flying colors!!!
TheAquarius1978 3 years ago
Im am sorry ( Im probably gonna end up in panda jail again for this ) but the virginity s**t is frikking dumb, if a girl fells more confortable with a tampon let her frikking use what She fells more confortable with, that b******t of not being aloud to use a tampon because its gonna brake the hímen and she's not gonna be a virgin anymore, is the dumbest f*****g thing i heard in my life.
Rens 3 years ago
Virginity is a made-up concept which is absolutely no value outside of the patriarchy. It dates back to the time where women were property, firstly of their father and then of their husbands. I'm very grateful that my mother explained everything about periods and using tampons when I was very young. My own daughter had her first period at the age of 9, it was a bit earlier than I was expecting but she's already learnt about periods from me. She didn't like the idea of using a tampon and since she had a very light flow, she used panty liners.
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Bella V 3 years ago
I will one up this. Teach your boys the same. So they aren't weirded out. My hubs was raised with a sister and a mother. He never even blinks if me or my girls need tampons / pads. He goes out gets them and knows exactly what brand each of us like, and usually comes back with midol, chocolate and whatever other goodies each of us like. My sons have ziploc bags in their back packs with products, chocolate and midol as an "emergency kit" for any of their female friends in need.
Me, Myself, and I 3 years ago
My husband is the same but where I *really* salute you is having raised sons that carry emergency kits! You and your entire family rock!
Load More Replies... Bella10 3 years ago (edited)
Cardboard? Only in America do the majority of tampons have applicators. The rest of the world just have a tampon, no unnecessary packaging so we don’t accidentally touch our bits whilst inserting. I don’t think you can even buy applicator tampons in Australia anymore.
Justacrow 3 years ago
My sons know about tampon use, the risk of toxic shock, etc... how can someone in this day and age defend not teaching their menstruating children about.. well MENSTRATING?
Joanne Hudson 3 years ago
Oh please! There are grown men who think women can "hold it in and let it out when they want to". Among other odd bits of misinformation.
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Sylvia_SilverVampire 2 years ago (edited)
And teach boys about periods too, so we don't get absolute idiots who make stupid comments like 'being kicked in the ... hurts more!' I mean, I'm not saying it doesnt hurt, but you can't compare an experice you have had to one you haven't like that. If you've never had a period, you cant go ahead and say that, its downright disrespectful. If someone wants to tell you about their period, let them, but never force them to admit to being on it either by saying 'is it that time of month?' Thats rude. In my friendship group we are very open about it and talk about our periods and issues around that sorta stuff. Stop making it taboo! It happens to half the population, why not talk about it?
#14
My kids will be allowed to live in my house bill-free after they turn 18 and whenever they're ready to move out, they can go after the age of 18. However, I will not make them move out.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
I agree with not asking to move out, however If I had means to do this I'd charge my kid reasonable rent/fee, once he starts working. Save that rent/fee in his name and gift it to him when he is ready to move out.
GlassHalfWay 3 years ago
That's a great idea. Unbeknownst to me, my mom saved my "rent". When I moved out, I was able to purchase needed furniture.
Load More Replies... Sarah Monk 3 years ago
My son lives in my house rent free he is now in his thirties but when I became disabled he became my full time carer and it means I can stay living in my own home. He cooks my meals, cleans my house, doesn’t my shopping and keeps me happy. I love my son very much.
Tamra 3 years ago
In the past ten years, I've taken care of my mother (she lived with us toward the end of her terminal illness), my brother, his wife and two children (long story), bailed out my father financially numerous times, and my mother in law (who lived with us for almost 4 years). All while trying to raise my son and take care of myself. I mention all of this to say that caring for another adult is exhausting and, in all of my cases here, utterly thankless. Not one of these people gave a damn about me at any point, but were happy to keep taking for as long as I could give. I sincerely mean no offense, but I hope your son is also able to have his own life, and that you let him know how much you appreciate him.
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Adam Leviness 3 years ago
I agree with this too an extent but if I had a kid that was 25 or so, living at home rent-free with no job, no prospects, or direction I couldn't do that either. At some point the bird has to fly the nest and if not them they have to start pitching in for their share. They don't need to figure out everything right away but they couldn't just expect me to float them forever with no real goals or understanding of how the real world works. That can do just as much damage.
Squirrelly Panda 3 years ago
By 18 a kid should be contributing to the household, if not money, then in reasonable chores, contributing to the maintenance of the home. And a teenager should be taught about all the expenses that go into having a home. That way they will have realistic ideas of how far their money will go in the real world.
Denise Zirkel 3 years ago
My sister felt the same way and her 46 yr old unemployed son is still at home playing video games. Whatever works for your family is what you should do.
Maple Porkly 3 years ago (edited)
As long as my kid contributes in some way (make dinner, clean up, look after pets, etc) I'm fine with her staying as long as she likes. In my culture, women don't move out until marriage but my kid will move on when she's ready not when she's got a ring on her finger.
#15
Our kids are allowed to wear what they want. It's their body, their style, their choice, whatever they wanna wear, they can wear.
Wintermute 3 years ago
My mom did this when we were kids. Really took the fun out of rebelling XD
Micah Chips 🇺🇦 3 years ago
My mom more or less lets me wear what I want, but I feel like she's always silently judging me when I wear something masculine or androgynous. Then again she also refuses to accept me as I am and still thinks I'm a girl so...
OwenHasADHD 3 years ago (edited)
I’m sorry that your mother is transphobic. Wishing the best!
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Natassja Moore 3 years ago
I do it this way too, unless it hinders health or other wise. Like, yeah it's 26 damn degrees, you're wearing a coat. I don't care if you where a 20 year old tshirt or whatever, but wear a damn coat.
Joanne Hudson 3 years ago
Hand-me-downs limit options. Fortunately my cousins lived across the river and had okay taste. At least I learned what I didn't like to wear. One Christmas I was gifted a pumpkin orange flannel shirt. I sensed it was a subtle joke but I wore that shirt every day I could until it fell apart.
Maple Porkly 3 years ago (edited)
I've had some random sales person criticize my seven year old daughter because she wanted me to buy her a dragon shirt from the boy's section. I bought it but at another store.
#16
People of the opposite gender staying the night. We allow it. Yes we do. And I'm gonna tell you why. Because there are some kids out there that don't have homes to go to or their parents kicked them out, or stuff in that instance.
Susan 3 years ago
This was my house growing up. We took in a lot of "stray" teen friends who didn't have a place to go, for one reason or another, no matter the gender. There were always rules and they didn't stay in our rooms with us but they had a safe place to stay.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
We did that also. Idk if the OP meant the kids were allowed to sleep in the same room as bf/gf. That would be A firm, solid No. But all the kids friends knew our place was Safe if they couldn't go home
Load More Replies... Sarah Monk 3 years ago
Our home was an open house for our friends, anyone who needed a ‘safe’ place would turn up at our house rather than wander the streets.
TheElderNom 3 years ago (edited)
Let's also not forget that teenagers that want to have sex will have sex. It's up to you as a parent of you want them yo do it at home where they have access to contraceptives or in a bush somewhere.
Deborah B 3 years ago
The question is is this a friend, or a boyfriend/girlfriend/joyfriend? Because your friend can sleep in your room, but your boy/girl/joyfriend is sleeping in a separate room.
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
My mom was like that. Her house was a safe haven for ANYONE. My guy friend walked through a literal blizzard after a fight with his mom and was snowed in with us for a week. My mom only required that his mom know he was safe. He could call or she would. Among my sister's friends, a lot more stayed for random nights for whatever reason. My mom didn't care, they were safe and that is what mattered
Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
All of my best friends growing up were boys, while I'm female. I'm asexual, so there was never anything of that nature between us, they were just the kids at school who liked the same video games and stuff that I did while the girls only ever wanted to talk about Barbies and makeup and princesses and which boys at school they thought were cute. I never had a single sleepover as a kid just for that.
mOmmyOfthree 3 years ago
Aww I'm so sorry you never experienced that as a child. Going to a friend who had less strict parents was the best!! Sneaking out, getting caught, having my friends prude mother drive me home in a fit of rage.. ahh. GOOD TIMES! I wish you had those experiences to look back on! Those were truly some of the best times of my life♡
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perfect pikachu 2 years ago
I wish that my parents allowed this. I have friends of the opposite gender who I want to have sleepovers with sometimes. I like having large group sleepovers with lots of my friends and wish that I could do it with ALL of my friends…
Capn Smashem 3 years ago (edited)
That's a popular method of parenting among most of the guests on that show 16 and pregnant XD You should probably ask yourself, why would this boy spend the night at our house, where my daughter is, and not at one of his guy friends houses? What's the situation here? You're not the only house he could stay at when in need, but you are definitely the riskiest. Also children with bad home lives and negative family experiences have a proven tendency to develop really poor behaviors that tend to be on the riskier side. Nearly everyone I went to school with that had it rough at home is either in prison now, or paying alimony to a grip of baby-mommas. A couple of them joined the military and are doing much better now though, so you've got like a 1/10 shot that it's a good move.
#17
Tattoos and piercings. Our kids are allowed to get piercings and they're allowed to get tattooed, with one exception to the tattoo. They have to wait till they're at least 16 and they have to have pondered on it, really thought about what they wanted, a good place for it to be at, and as long as the shop allows it at that age. Piercings, I feel like it's a way they express themselves. I don't see nothing wrong with piercings.
Steph Peth 3 years ago
I let my son get his ears pierced when he was 11 and let me tell you some family members were PISSED, these same family members wouldn't bat an eye if he were a girl. I had mine done at the same age and they have since closed up. Easily reversible in the future if he doesn't want them any more.
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 3 years ago
IMO 16 is too young for a tattoo. I am so not the person I was at 16 and would absolutely not want to have a permanent reminder of that time in my life.
OwenHasADHD 3 years ago
I'm never getting tattooed because I feel like I'm always going to regret my choice of tattoo somewhere in life.
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Deborah B 3 years ago
FFS reserve the right to veto tattoo design, placement and artist. Because, frankly, some 16-18 year olds are deeply committed to bad choices, and your 16 year may turn out to be one of them. In preparation for this argument, have them design a tattoo at age 12, and again at age 14, and ask your 16 year old if they still want those tattoos. If they don't, 18 year old or 20 year old them might not want the tattoo they pick today.
Tabitha 3 years ago
I do not agree at all with the tattoo one...and I have many tattoos myself. I get that it is their body, however, I think back to when I was 16 and the tattoos I wanted back then. Thank the gourds I was not allowed to get tattooed in high school. But I guess it all depends on what it is. But also, if my kid comes home with a tattoo, i'm not going to sh*t my pants about it.
Wintermute 3 years ago
I tell my kids the same thing I hold myself to when it comes to tattoos. If you think of something you want, wait a year. If you still want it, get it. I'm 40 and have 0 tattoos and 0 regrets. Coming up on 9 months pondering an idea of a picture my daughter drew me when she was a baby. I'll probably get that one, or not. If it's not worth waiting for, it's not worth living with forever.
Sinnsyk Jakte 2 years ago
Also, the care that one has to take of piercings is a good lesson in patience and attention to physical/medical needs...
Denise 2 years ago
The adolescent brain doesn't stop growing until age 25. I'm not allowing my CHILD to get a permanent marking at 16. They can wait until they're 18 and blame themselves. Wanna know the percentage of people that regret the tattoos they did at a younger age? No reason not to wait until their 18. You're a parent, NOT A FRIEND! I respect my kids, I hear my kids, I adore my kids...but they are kids until they're 18 and I'm going to complete my job as their parent until they're EIGHTEEN, not 16!
#18
My kids don't have a curfew. They respect that they have to be home at a reasonable time, and most of the time they're always at home anyways.
BoredPandaSucks 3 years ago (edited)
in many places, there is a legal limit to this in which the parent has no choice
XenoMurph 3 years ago
Never heard of this, curfew applied by law? seriously?
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Deborah B 3 years ago
It should depend on the kid. My older sister and I never had curfews, and didn't have bedtimes after we were 12. We were trusted to be sensible, and get enough sleep. My younger brother had a 10pm curfew on school nights, because he would come home at 2am, then skip school the next day. Some teens can set their own boundries, some teens need boundries set for them.
Th3_Narrat0r 3 years ago
No... this doesn't help anyone. I think a curfew teaches responsibility and should be lifted at appropriate times. My opinion ;-;
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
I never had a curfew. I was usually the youngest so I had to ride with friends so they would drop me off in time for them to be home for their curfew. It always worked out.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
I never had one. I knew what was reasonable & why mess up a good thing by causing them to give me one.
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
And then there are kids who won't. They will go out and come back at 4 am or smth.
TTorrest Author 3 years ago
No curfew, but only if we know exactly where they are and they text us during every location change. The beauty of the "no curfew" rule is that their friends DO have to be home at a certain time, so my kids end up coming home at a decent hour anyway LOL.
#19
My kids are allowed to have an imagination. That means if they believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or whoever the groundhog, they're allowed to believe in it. We don't tell 'em it's real or fake because kids are supposed to have an imagination.
BoredPandaSucks 3 years ago (edited)
but actually believing something is true or real, is NOT imagination.
Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
Important starting point for discussions on the spectrum of "exists and actually is what it says it is" vs "yes that is a real guy but he's just acting" vs "not physically real but is an established idea that's been around for hundreds of years" vs "something your friend at school made up yesterday"
Load More Replies... Tecoria Jones 3 years ago
This sets kids up to expect other people to indulge them in their pretending and fantasies. Real is real and fake is not real.
Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
Yeah! If I wanna believe Florentians are real and that magic existed and Trivanta created Earth, let me!
Poly Amorous 3 years ago
BRO- ok, love this, and parents did the same thing, but I'm just thinking about when i was like 10-11 years old, and my mom was talking about how she wanted me to help "play Santa" with my little brothers, then just froze and said, "wait, you do KNOW, right?" Ducking hilarious
Joanne Hudson 3 years ago
I had a similar experience but it devestated me. Now, as an adult, I realize its up to ME what I want to believe and how. Its like is there really a man in the sky or do you just want to believe that.
Load More Replies... Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago (edited)
There's A big difference in letting kids develop & use their imagination & perpetrating a lie. Don't let it start then you don't have to recant. I did not allow my kids to have TV in any rooms except the Living room. And monitored their viewing. No talking or animated toys because acting out & role-playing develops imagination. They asked "was Santa real?" so l told them the true story of Saint Nicholas & how"Santa" evolved. They loved drawing, painting & dance so l encouraged that & anything else that was positive, creative & not too likely to kill them
Capn Smashem 3 years ago
Having an imagination means being able to imagine. Believing something is real when it isn't and defending that position creates sheep. There is no benefit for the favoring of fancy over objective reality.
Nila Griffin 3 years ago
This is how we approach Santa Etc. We never told them anything. They picked up stuff from other kids and we rolled with it. We don’t label presents at all, each kid has their own paper. But we tell them we got the expensive stuff.
#20
Makeup. I never used to allow my daughters to wear makeup because I wanted them to see their beauty for what it really was. Being their natural self. But now I realize, no, I'm gonna allow them to try makeup if they wanna try it.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago (edited)
Oh come on. I get that make up can cause or drive insecurities and may be bad for the skin but let them wear make up occasionally, just because they like how they look wearing make up doesn’t mean that they will develop huge insecurities at least 99% of the time
SpongeBob SquarePants 3 years ago
yeah it can help boost their confidence too
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Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
The more you make stuff taboo the more kids want to do it. Look we let our 12 year old have make up and for like 3 weeks she was all about it, then she got bored and decided she liked her face without it. We agreed but let her get there herself. Our 16 year old has never shown any interest in make up so we are cool with that. As long as it's not going to hurt the kid let them try it. Chance are most of the time they will see it's no big deal!
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I let my kids use eyeshadow once in a while. They are still little so it is more of a dress up thing but they ask and why not? Same for their nails, they LOVE getting their nails done. They are both way more girly than I have ever been and that's fine with me
Hatred Pony 3 years ago
My daughter is the same way. Frills, glitter, glam. I let her wear eyeshadow and some glitter when she asks, which is rare. I was a HUGE tomboy as a kid and I still don't wear makeup but she loves it and I love watching her happy.
Load More Replies... Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
Special occasions, sure. But not every day. Makeup is expensive and takes a lot of time to put on and take off every day, which can be an extra tax on women. If you wear it every day, you feel like you *have* to wear it every day because people never see you without your makeup.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago
My mom took me for A full, professional makeover when l was 15 because she didn't wear much herself but wanted me to know when & how to wear it. Because I was allowed to & supported in this, I didn't have to sneak around to wear makeup or buy the cheapest stuff. The result? I decided I did not want to become a slave to the Face (some women won't leave home without it, literally) so even as a teen & throughout my adult life, if l want to be bothered, I'll put the full Face on. Or I might just feel lip gloss is enough. My beloved beau of 45 years says I'm beautiful with & without. He's happy, I'm happy.
Crow (he/they) 3 years ago
God I wish I could wear makeup but I'm allergic as hell. I'd look great though
Maple Porkly 3 years ago
Disagreeing with this one a bit. Don't really care if my kid wears make up but I want to know the brand and where it came from first. There are so many knockoffs that have toxic chemicals in them that no person should have on their face.
Rens 3 years ago
I was allowed to wear make-up from the age of 12 but the makeup I had was eyeshadow (pastel palette of 4 colours) and mascara. In fact I didn't even wear lipstick until I was in my 20s; I was in my late 40s before I started wearing foundation, and using highlighter, I can't be bothered with all the contouring stuff.
#21
My kids get a cell phone the moment they start school. And this is for safety reasons as well, and their location will be on it at all times because nowadays you cannot be too careful.
Nathan Pogorzala 3 years ago
Eh. that justification just isn't accurate. "Nowadays" there are 40% less abductions and kidnappings than 20 years ago. Parent however you want but unfounded fear will gnaw on you.
Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago
I remember doing a reading group with a bunch of elderly women. The book was Evelyn Waugh's Decline and Fall, which features a paedophile teacher. The oldest woman remarked, "Of course we didn't know the word 'paedophile' when I was a girl, but they were everywhere. We just called them dirty old men." Nothing changes much.
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WonderWoman 3 years ago
A phone that texts and calls, but no internet makes sense for young kids.
PandaRave 3 years ago
As long as it’s that kind of phone. Doesn’t sound to safe to let them download a ton of predatory apps and social media platforms.
Load More Replies... Rens 3 years ago
I don't have a problem with kids having mobile phones; I do have a problem with him having smartphones. No kid under the age of 18 needs a smartphone; they certainly don't need social media accounts. We had a family computer which was the only way to have access to the internet and it was in the living room where everybody could see what was going on. No TVs, computers (this was before we had tablets) and consoles allowed in the bedroom. Our TV had age restriction on it, we have to type a code to watch anything over the age of 12 or 15 or 18; the restriction was raised as she got older. Our daughter is a type 1 diabetic so she was given a mobile phone when she was still very young (6) it was a "dumb phone", an old Nokia, she had to have it on her on her at all times so it was charged and turned on. When she got home, it was switched off, charged and not used until the next day to school. When she turned 18 she bought her own smartphone with money she saved. Regarding internet access I think we as parents need to be a lot more strict and hold ourselves accountable for what our children have access to. There was a boy in her class who was very sexually precocious and had been watching pornography when he was 10 years old....
Aqsa Azam 3 years ago
Hey, good for you! I didn't get my own phone until I started my A Levels
BluEyedSeoulite 3 years ago
I don't know what A levels are but when I tell teens nowadays that I didn't get my first phone until I was 16 they are flabbergasted. Perks of being old, I guess
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Ghaniyah Verma 3 years ago
Yes. From personal experience, sometimes not having a phone is inconvenient.
Capn Smashem 3 years ago
Just look at who's making billions of extra dollars off of the false assumption that kids are less safe today than they've ever been. That couldn't be further from the truth, but for 30 dollars per line per month with a minimum order of 4 lines, we can keep you and your family connected and give you access to our boogeyman hotline. Sign up today, and stop worrying about the boogie man! But in all seriousness, those child monitor watches are a good idea. Smartphones, not so much. The vast majority of child predators operate online, especially in places where kids tend to interact, like kid-friendly online games.
#22
My kids don't have a bedtime. They do know that when school starts, they have to be in their room at a certain time and they can watch TV and do whatever they need to do to allow them to fall asleep.
Kiryn Silverwing 3 years ago
I do the "bedtime routine" of brushing teeth, pajamas etc at a set time, after which my "work day" ends and my daughter is expected to leave us alone until morning. There's no screen time past this point, but she is allowed to read as much as she likes until she falls asleep, because I know it takes her a long time to fall asleep just like me. She's reading well above grade level, so I think it's working?
Rens 3 years ago
We did a similar thing with our daughter, she would take herself upstairs get herself ready for bed brush teeth pyjamas putting out clothes for the next day day (she did things on like this on her own not with any prompting). She was allowed to read or listen to music. In the morning she would get up with her own alarm ma and get yourself dressed and ready without any prompting. I never ever had to chase her out of bed in the morning. This was from the age of about 6 onwards; she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes just before she turns 6 so the morning ritual was very important checking her blood sugars and getting her insulin ready before breakfast.
Load More Replies... SpongeBob SquarePants 3 years ago
my mom makes me go to sleep by 10:00 but im already in bed at 9:00 lol
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Mel The Axolotl 3 years ago
My mom says my sister and I don't have a bedtime, as long as we can get ourselves up in the morning. If we repeatedly sleep past alarms or ignore them, or forget to set them, then she'll impose a bedtime. Makes sense to me
Denise 2 years ago
I think this works great for teens that understand and respond to natural consequences. This will not work for children younger than 10 or older kids that will choose video games over school any day of the week. We all need a certain amount of sleep. Letting your child stay up until 11 or 12, then sending them off on the bus to school at 7 am is irresponsible and cruel. They need that sleep in order to make it through an 8 or 9 hour day. What are you THINKING?!?!?
Joanne Hudson 3 years ago
Before I had my own room (dad built onto the house) I had a bedtime but the accoustics of the house were such I could clearly hear the TV. Which was great as I wasn't ready to sleep. But when I had my own room, I was in it and reading under the covers with a flashlight like every redblooded kid.
Joanne Hudson 3 years ago
My brother was 7 years younger than me and when we shared a room I learned to tell him long, boring, stories in a monotone voice and he'd slip right out.
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Capn Smashem 3 years ago
Allowing your kids to watch t.v. to go to sleep is SUPER damaging. You know that viewing screens too close to bedtime can reduce sleep quality and even commonly leads to clinical depression? I mean, it's well documented.
Littlebunnyfufu 3 years ago
Sleep is an underrated issue when it comes to mental health issues. Teach your kiddos good sleep hygiene including what to do or what not to do when they can't fall sleep. I see so many people who struggle with sleep because they weren't taught how to handle this.
Chickens are fluffy 3 years ago
My family we don't have bedtimes. You'll still probably be told to go to your room if it's like 11 at night though
#23
Screen time, TV time. They're allowed to be on it for as long as they want, watch what they want, do what they want on their screen time.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
So far, I've applauded most of these, but I really just can't get behind this one. There have been a plethora of studies on the negative consequences of screens on the developing brain. Everything on the internet is geared to trigger dopamine, and the brain just isn't equipped to handle such a constant barrage. Dopamine is supposed to be the 'reward' neurotransmitter, but if your brain starts expecting rewards all the time, it eventually needs more and more of it to feel normal. It can lead to addiction, lack of focus, and depression. It's hard enough for adults who are at least sort of aware of what's going on, to where they can moderate it somewhat, but god help a child with unlimited screen time.
Stardust she/her 3 years ago
There can be stuff that negatively affects the child as well if a few stuff go unchecked. There’s a lot of gore and general unpleasant stuff that can traumatize (or less severely than than) a child
Load More Replies... Derek Skiba 3 years ago
You should add some limits, you don't want an 8 year old watching "The Hub"
WonderWoman 3 years ago
Screens aren't your babysitter. Limit their time in front of a screen.
OwenHasADHD 3 years ago
This one is just bad. You have to limit screen time! Too much of it is very, very harmful to the brain.
radioactivecandy (they/them) 3 years ago
that's not good. a child should not have unbridled screen time. it's unhealthy and allowing a kid to watch whatever they want is NOT good. they could find "300" or "Midnight Cowboy" or any number of violent or pornographic movies or shows.
Mel The Axolotl 3 years ago
Yeah... no. My parents went a winter and let my little brother watch TV and play video games as much as he wanted, now he's practically addicted, and throws tantrums over the games and doesn't like any of the stuff he used to be interested in.
tamèreestchaude 2 years ago
Most of these I thought were good, but this one I really don't agree with. Your child will not learn effective gross motor skills if they don't go outside. I don't want my child to be constantly on their TV or their iPad. I agree with not invading their personal privacy, but I would say, hey there, you have been on it for a little too long, 10 more minutes and then go outside. And I don't want them to have their brain quote unquote rot. Because there are negative consequences on the developing brain of screens, and if your child uses a screen almost an hour before bed, the blue light will affect their same schedule. So I really just can't get behind that.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 3 years ago (edited)
That seems like emotional & social neglect if not actual abuse
#24
My kids are allowed to have social media when they're young. Yes, we will monitor it, but once they hit about 11-12, we will stop monitoring it. Because my kids know when to come to us if they need to tell us something or anything.
TheAquarius1978 3 years ago
Its a great idea lol, stop monitoring them right at the time the hormones start to Kick in ......
WonderWoman 3 years ago
11-12 is when you should be more closely monitoring it! They won't know when they need your guidance. SMDH at this. Teens are especially susceptible to being groomed, targeted, harmed by social media. It is a parents job to protect their children not toss them into the open sea and hope they can swim.
radioactivecandy (they/them) 3 years ago
i think that young children (ESPECIALLY TWEENS, LADY, WHAT) should not have unbridled social media access. the parents shouldn't be hovering, but they should be checking in every week or so.
Susan 3 years ago
This one is a terrible idea! Social media is so dangerous! I don't care how "mature" a kid might seem, no pre-teen or teenager should be using social media unmonitored because they are not prepared of how many unsafe situations they could put themselves into or what the repercussions of certain choices could be at that age.
Mel The Axolotl 3 years ago
Disagree. I got social media at 13 w/o parent permission, and ended up talking to a 40yr old man, in ways that were certainly not appropriate for a 13yo, and I was a "mature" kid. It can happen to any kid, and especially in the tweens/early teens, social media should be monitored.
Brittany no 3 years ago
Kids this young should absolutely not be on the internet unmonitored. I played a video game online and I can’t tell you how many MEN found out I was 12 and tried to have a relationship with me. I was too young to know it was wrong. Luckily I never tried to meet them, but lord, don’t let your kids become a story on the news, please.
Elle Brown 3 years ago
They absolutely will not tell you. No matter how much of a "cool mom" you are. You're still mom. There are a lot of creeps out there. Monitor.
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Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
Most of these are so obvious, I almost feel like it's a little sad that some parents feel these are something unique and special. Especially the tampon one...
M B 3 years ago
How are these things contraversial? This is how I raise my kids. And point 16?! I've never heard of girls not beeing allowed to wear tampons, is that really a thing?
Anonymous 3 years ago
Sadly, yes in conservative families they believe girls will lose their virginity if they insert a tampon or menstrual cup.
Load More Replies...
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Funny that most of the commenters were most offended by the allowance of profanity.
Littlebunnyfufu 3 years ago
Right?! I'm more worried about the not monitoring your 11-12 year olds internet access when the average age a kid is exposed to sexual content on the internet is 9.
Load More Replies... Brittany no 3 years ago
I disagree with a few of these: tattoos (as a woman who has MANY), you do not know who you are at that age and it’s just not a good idea. Nor is the internet one, I responded to the post, but please do not let your kids become a story on the news meeting randos they don’t know.
Sunny Day 3 years ago
It's so cute when parents say "my kids trust me and tell me everything". Makes you want to say "well, bless your heart!"
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
I feel like these are all healthy ways to parent. Look I am generation X and our parents were very hands off. They didn't do much or teach us much and because of that we spend a lot of time in our adult years figuring things out that we should have learned early one. My grandparents were super hard on both my parents so I guess this new way of parenting is just trying to correct all of that!
Some guy 2 years ago
Then it's overcorrection. Don't beat your kids up, but teach them what they need to know when they step out the door!
Load More Replies...
Nizumi 3 years ago
Man - The number of people piling on the swearing thing. OP wrote that her children know when, where, around whom they can swear. They're not just firing off f-bombs willly-nilly. Other than that - a lot of this is common sense. The only ting I don't agree with is the phone/location thing. My parents left me to my own devices from the moment I left the house to when I got back by curfew. Mind you - they didn't have a choice - no mobiles in the 70s and 80s ;) Now we expect to be able to contact everyone in the moment. know where they are all the time. If you're sure you're raising your children right - trust them. You'll drive yourself crazy otherwise.
MsLou 3 years ago
I love this woman! I do agree with the majority of what she is saying. I was NEVER able to talk to my parents about anything going on with me for fear of judgement (they were all about how people perceived them) until I tried to commit suicide. Even then I was still hesitant to tell them things.
Your Neighborhood Alien 3 years ago
I'm so sorry. I hope you have people in your life who you feel comfortable freely expressing yourself with. I have a similar relationship with my parents, but it's a little better than what you described. Hugs!!!!
Load More Replies... Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
Most of these are so obvious, I almost feel like it's a little sad that some parents feel these are something unique and special. Especially the tampon one...
M B 3 years ago
How are these things contraversial? This is how I raise my kids. And point 16?! I've never heard of girls not beeing allowed to wear tampons, is that really a thing?
Anonymous 3 years ago
Sadly, yes in conservative families they believe girls will lose their virginity if they insert a tampon or menstrual cup.
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Funny that most of the commenters were most offended by the allowance of profanity.
Littlebunnyfufu 3 years ago
Right?! I'm more worried about the not monitoring your 11-12 year olds internet access when the average age a kid is exposed to sexual content on the internet is 9.
Load More Replies... Brittany no 3 years ago
I disagree with a few of these: tattoos (as a woman who has MANY), you do not know who you are at that age and it’s just not a good idea. Nor is the internet one, I responded to the post, but please do not let your kids become a story on the news meeting randos they don’t know.
Sunny Day 3 years ago
It's so cute when parents say "my kids trust me and tell me everything". Makes you want to say "well, bless your heart!"
Jennifer Norton 3 years ago
I feel like these are all healthy ways to parent. Look I am generation X and our parents were very hands off. They didn't do much or teach us much and because of that we spend a lot of time in our adult years figuring things out that we should have learned early one. My grandparents were super hard on both my parents so I guess this new way of parenting is just trying to correct all of that!
Some guy 2 years ago
Then it's overcorrection. Don't beat your kids up, but teach them what they need to know when they step out the door!
Load More Replies... Nizumi 3 years ago
Man - The number of people piling on the swearing thing. OP wrote that her children know when, where, around whom they can swear. They're not just firing off f-bombs willly-nilly. Other than that - a lot of this is common sense. The only ting I don't agree with is the phone/location thing. My parents left me to my own devices from the moment I left the house to when I got back by curfew. Mind you - they didn't have a choice - no mobiles in the 70s and 80s ;) Now we expect to be able to contact everyone in the moment. know where they are all the time. If you're sure you're raising your children right - trust them. You'll drive yourself crazy otherwise.
MsLou 3 years ago
I love this woman! I do agree with the majority of what she is saying. I was NEVER able to talk to my parents about anything going on with me for fear of judgement (they were all about how people perceived them) until I tried to commit suicide. Even then I was still hesitant to tell them things.
Your Neighborhood Alien 3 years ago
I'm so sorry. I hope you have people in your life who you feel comfortable freely expressing yourself with. I have a similar relationship with my parents, but it's a little better than what you described. Hugs!!!!
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