There are as many parenting styles as there are parents. And since all moms and dads want what’s best for their kids, the fact that they tend to be very opinionated about that shouldn’t come as a surprise.

The recent TikTok videos from a mother of four named Casara have created quite a stir on social media for her unorthodox approach to parenting. In a series of videos, Casara openly shared things she and her husband Juan allow their children do, from not forcing them go to college to allowing them to swear.

“We have a very open & honest relationship with our kids,” Casara claims, so let’s find out more about her parenting style, and be sure to share what you think in the comments!

Mom of four Casara took it to TikTok to share the things she allows her kids to do

@casaranjuan We have a very open & honest relationship with our kids #ReTokforNature #MessFreeHero #parents #parenting #parentsoftiktok #parentingtips #parentsbelike #moms #dads #momsoftiktok #dadsoftiktok #momlife #momtok #parenttok #open #honest #parentinghacks ♬ original sound - CasaraNJuan
#1

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do If my kid, teenager, is out and they're drinking with friends, and they call me, and they say: "Hey mom, I need you to come get me," I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go get them. We will not talk about it until the next day. Let's face it, peer pressure is real, and people can't learn unless they make mistakes or do something they're not supposed to do.

casaranjuan , Ron Lach Report

SpongeBob SquarePants
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

thank you for waiting a day before talking about it 🥰

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After Casara, the mom of four, shared the things she allows her children to do, including swearing, a heated discussion started between parents online. So in order to find out an expert’s opinion about this controversial subject, Bored Panda spoke with Anisa Lewis, a positive parenting and life coach who shared some interesting insights about it.

“As parents, we are our child’s first role models and they take a lot of their cues about the world from us. Each family is different and what would work for one family is not going to be appropriate for another,” Lewis explained.

#2

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My child does not have to give you a kiss, does not have to hug you, does not have to hang around you, does not have to do anything with you if they choose not to.

casaranjuan , Ekaterina Shakharova Report

Derek Skiba
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! Kids should get to choose whether they want to hug or kiss Aunt Martha

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#3

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My kids can love/be with whoever they want. Color, race, gender, nationality. It does not matter. They can love and be with whoever they want, as long as they are treating each other right. That goes for my child treating them right and them treating my child right.

casaranjuan , Mikhail Nilov Report

#4

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do If your kid hits my kid, my kid will knock your kid out and I will high five them.

casaranjuan , cottonbro Report

Derek Skiba
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is important that your kid learns how to defend theirself. If you are being pummeled and say "Please stop", the attacker won't just say "Understandable, have a nice day"

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The parenting coach continued: “What I respected in the video of the mum is that she did allow her children to swear but there were boundaries and rules in place about when they could and they couldn’t, which is important.” Lewis added that “They had obviously taken the time to talk to their 4 children and were there to answer questions that they might have.”

Meanwhile, in Lewis’ family, she says, they ‘try’ not to swear in front of their teen but we are all human and it does happen. “If she doesn’t hear the language from us, she is certainly going to pick it up in school and when out in the community. We can’t shield her from this language but we can educate her on word meaning, when to use the language and the similarity with the family in the video is that we have discussed as a family what works for us and what we accept and don’t accept, we have boundaries that are right for our family,” Lewis explained.

#5

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do Our kids are allowed to swear. They know when they can swear, how they can swear, who they can swear around. They're allowed to swear. If you think that the worst thing your child can do is swear, then you have another thing coming. I said what I said.

casaranjuan , oakvillenews Report

Dave Van Beurden
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Swearing actually serves a purpose. If you hurt yourself and swear, you will feel less pain. Put your hand in ice, if you swear you can hold your hand in there for much longer than if you do not swear. If you use cleaned-up swear words (e.g.fudge, darn) it helps, but less than full-on swearing.

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#6

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My son is 18 and I have taught him that if he wants to cry, then let them tears fall. It is okay to cry and let them tears fall. This misconception of telling men that they need to man up or that they're not a man because they're crying is [nonsense].

That is the reason why a lot of men are the way they are as far as not being open and being in touch with their feelings, and not all but some men.

casaranjuan , Timur Weber Report

#7

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do College. We will not force our kids to go to college if they don't want to. Let's face it, nobody really knows exactly what they wanna do, ever.

casaranjuan , Stanley Morales Report

Geoffrey Scott
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell most kids that trades(electricians, pipefitters, etc..) are SCREAMING for people. Little debt, and come out starting at 50k u.s., much more with OT

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As a parenting coach, Lewis argues, she respects where each of her clients is coming from and there is no judgement. “However, children need to understand the words they are using, what they mean and this comes through education, discussions and an open relationship with their parents and carers.”

When asked about drawbacks of parents allowing their kids to swear, Lewis said that “a drawback could be that depending on the age or the maturity of the child, they may not always respect the boundaries and rules put in place around swearing or perhaps there weren’t any and they are just repeating what they have heard.”

#8

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do We teach our kids at a young age what sex is, what their parts are, what drugs are, everything. We teach them everything at a very young age. That way they know what the consequences are. They know what the actions are, they know what the positivity to everything is, and they don't ever have to be ashamed of who they are.

casaranjuan , sofatutor Report

Derek Skiba
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why hide it? Keep the stuff they watch family friendly, but make sure they know about the real world.

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#9

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do If my kid needs a mental health day from school, whatever it is, I'm gonna let them take it. They don't have to be sick. We don't have to have something to do. We don't have to have any of that. For my kid to stay home, all they have to do is say: "Mom, I need a day to myself. I need a mental health day."

casaranjuan , Ksenia Chernaya Report

MsLou
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really wish my mom had allowed this for me in middle school

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#10

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do If my kids see anybody being bullied they're to step in and help. It is not okay for any kid to put down another kid ever. I said what I said.

casaranjuan , Mikhail Nilov Report

TheAquarius1978
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

( i need to edit this since our realities are very very different, my coment is for an " outside the school grounds situation ", ínside there are people that monitors the children ) My a*s, i would never tell my kid that, " ohhh go and help, and then you get your a*s kicked as well ". My advice would be " you see someone getting bullied, if you get the chance get vídeo or a picture, hide and call the Police, once they arrive show them either the vídeo or a picture of you get them, if not try to describe them to the officers "

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Moreover, swearing can become a default behavior, the parenting coach argues. “It’s something that we do without thinking about it, we use the words for effect, attention and often we use them as they are on the tip of our tongue and it is easier to say it than think of an alternative.”

“Another drawback is the judgement of others and their values around the use of such words, it can also cause offense to others without meaning to,” Lewis added.

But there may be some benefits to swearing as “children are encouraged to be themselves, to express themselves.” Lewis explained that “If the boundaries are respected around swearing, then this too is a benefit in that there is respect and acknowledgement of the rules and systems of the family.”

#11

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do Our kids are to treat everybody equally while at the same time, know that everybody is not treated equally. If you understand what that means. We tell them to see color and not to ever say, "I don't see color", because you do, you treat everybody the same, the same way you would treat a homeless person staying on the corner of the street is the same way you would treat the president of the US.

casaranjuan , Pixabay Report

Derek Skiba
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! What kind of parent tells their kid to attack every poor non-white person?!

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#12

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do Religion. My first two kids I baptized, but my last two kids I did not baptize. I will allow them to choose if they wanna follow a religion, if they wanna believe in God, if they don't wanna believe in God. Whatever they feel is best for them.

casaranjuan , Dom J Report

#13

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do I will allow my daughters to wear tampons. And I will teach them the proper way to wear tampons. I'm gonna tell you why. When I started my period, nobody had taught me how to wear tampons, and I was told I was not allowed to wear them, but I did because I wanted to be in my swim class. You know what happened? It got stuck. So I had to go to the emergency room and be embarrassed and have them take it out because I left the cardboard on.

casaranjuan , Karolina Grabowska Report

Chickens are fluffy
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry, ( about it getting stuck and having to go to the ER) but you should teach your daughters who get periods everything about having one! Thank you for doing this

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#14

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My kids will be allowed to live in my house bill-free after they turn 18 and whenever they're ready to move out, they can go after the age of 18. However, I will not make them move out.

casaranjuan , Becca Tapert Report

#15

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do Our kids are allowed to wear what they want. It's their body, their style, their choice, whatever they wanna wear, they can wear.

casaranjuan , Naim Benjelloun Report

#16

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do People of the opposite gender staying the night. We allow it. Yes we do. And I'm gonna tell you why. Because there are some kids out there that don't have homes to go to or their parents kicked them out, or stuff in that instance.

casaranjuan , Allen Taylor Report

Susan
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was my house growing up. We took in a lot of "stray" teen friends who didn't have a place to go, for one reason or another, no matter the gender. There were always rules and they didn't stay in our rooms with us but they had a safe place to stay.

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#17

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do Tattoos and piercings. Our kids are allowed to get piercings and they're allowed to get tattooed, with one exception to the tattoo. They have to wait till they're at least 16 and they have to have pondered on it, really thought about what they wanted, a good place for it to be at, and as long as the shop allows it at that age. Piercings, I feel like it's a way they express themselves. I don't see nothing wrong with piercings.

casaranjuan , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Denikitty
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ya… it’s not like they can’t change the earrings or take them out

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#18

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My kids don't have a curfew. They respect that they have to be home at a reasonable time, and most of the time they're always at home anyways.

casaranjuan , Dmitry Egorov Report

BoredPandaSucks
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in many places, there is a legal limit to this in which the parent has no choice

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#19

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My kids are allowed to have an imagination. That means if they believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or whoever the groundhog, they're allowed to believe in it. We don't tell 'em it's real or fake because kids are supposed to have an imagination.

casaranjuan , Alicia Slough Report

BoredPandaSucks
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

but actually believing something is true or real, is NOT imagination.

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See Also on Bored Panda
#20

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do Makeup. I never used to allow my daughters to wear makeup because I wanted them to see their beauty for what it really was. Being their natural self. But now I realize, no, I'm gonna allow them to try makeup if they wanna try it.

casaranjuan , Anastasia Shuraeva Report

Stardust she/her
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh come on. I get that make up can cause or drive insecurities and may be bad for the skin but let them wear make up occasionally, just because they like how they look wearing make up doesn’t mean that they will develop huge insecurities at least 99% of the time

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#21

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My kids get a cell phone the moment they start school. And this is for safety reasons as well, and their location will be on it at all times because nowadays you cannot be too careful.

casaranjuan , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Nathan Pogorzala
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh. that justification just isn't accurate. "Nowadays" there are 40% less abductions and kidnappings than 20 years ago. Parent however you want but unfounded fear will gnaw on you.

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#22

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My kids don't have a bedtime. They do know that when school starts, they have to be in their room at a certain time and they can watch TV and do whatever they need to do to allow them to fall asleep.

casaranjuan , Annie Spratt Report

Iris
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they have to be in their room at a certain time, it kinda means that they do have a curfew (unlike stated above), no?..

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#23

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do Screen time, TV time. They're allowed to be on it for as long as they want, watch what they want, do what they want on their screen time.

casaranjuan , Ksenia Chernaya Report

Izzy Curer
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So far, I've applauded most of these, but I really just can't get behind this one. There have been a plethora of studies on the negative consequences of screens on the developing brain. Everything on the internet is geared to trigger dopamine, and the brain just isn't equipped to handle such a constant barrage. Dopamine is supposed to be the 'reward' neurotransmitter, but if your brain starts expecting rewards all the time, it eventually needs more and more of it to feel normal. It can lead to addiction, lack of focus, and depression. It's hard enough for adults who are at least sort of aware of what's going on, to where they can moderate it somewhat, but god help a child with unlimited screen time.

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#24

“We Have A Very Open And Honest Relationship With Our Kids”: Mom Reveals 24 Controversial Things She Allows Her Four Children To Do My kids are allowed to have social media when they're young. Yes, we will monitor it, but once they hit about 11-12, we will stop monitoring it. Because my kids know when to come to us if they need to tell us something or anything.

casaranjuan , Katerina Holmes Report

TheAquarius1978
Community Member
3 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its a great idea lol, stop monitoring them right at the time the hormones start to Kick in ......

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Casara's videos sparked a heated discussion among parents online