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Fans of horror stories and video games are bound to know American writer, H. P. Lovecraft, as his name is pretty much on everything these days: Lovecraftian-this, Lovecraftian-that. A central theme in his works is that learning the truth about the world can drive you mad. But it’s not just knowledge about eldritch beings and uncaring cosmic gods that can shock you! Some jaw-dropping truths are closer to home, much more mundane, and far, far funnier.
That’s where the ‘Technically the Truth’ subreddit comes in. A community of nearly 1.26 million, they dedicate their time to sharing some hilarious examples of things that are technically true but completely unexpected. Check out some of their best posts below, upvote the ones that made you laugh, and be sure to check out their subreddit if you like their content!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
He’s Got A Good Point
Christina Eneroth (Eneroth3) 5 years ago
People lose their livelihood and vote Trump (or the equivalent for their countries). While we need to move away fossil fuels, we also need to give communities depending on it other ways to survive.
Bob Belcher 5 years ago
That's why you invest in reeducation. But you can't drag your feet if someone refuses help.
Load More Replies... Bob Belcher 5 years ago
That's what I've always said. Even if climate change if false, fossil fuel have a finite supply, we will run out one day. Plus, wouldn't it be nice to not breath in all that pollution that we know causes cancer.
FqdingLxght 5 years ago (edited)
I never really saw it from this perspective, It's interesting to look at this way.
KatHat 5 years ago
WHY DO PEOPLE WRITE "THIS SHOULD BE HIGHER" ON POSTS THAT LITERALLY HAVE A VOTING MECHANISM BUILT IN SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE IT GO HIGHER AND WILL MAKE THE COMMENT IRRELEVANT. EGAD.
RELATED:
#2
I Am Iron Man
#3
Its Bigger I Swear!
Blue 5 years ago
As someone who used to have an android, this is sometimes a font you can choose your phone's text to be in. Only for androids, though. At least it isn't comic sans ;D
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Audrey Bob-The-Builder 5 years ago
My entire History class just stared at me because I just started to choke on my water
We’ve got a theory that the reason why ‘Technically the Truth’ is so successful is because of the type of humor they use in their posts. Specifically, dad jokes! And who doesn’t love a good dad joke?
Scientifically speaking, dad jokes are bound to have lots of fans because they rarely (if ever) offend anyone by their very nature, comedian Paul Seven told the National Post.
They’re also ‘clean’ and require almost no extra context to get, as The New York Times points out. And the more accessible the jokes, the more fans you’re bound to get. However, comedian Seven also points out that stating the truth can and will offend some folks.
#4
This Is Correct
Flare 5 years ago
Yeah! If there are no mice for cats to take care of, they'll turn to bugs to hunt. I know this because my cat is the reason why we have less bugs.
Load More Replies... Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Since cats' natural chemicals are a deterrent to mice... just their presence puts mice off from setting up home in your home.
wandile dludlu 5 years ago
I didn't get it the first time, but I read it again and now people in my office are looking at me funny for laughing
Suzanne Clark 5 years ago
After being catless for two years and suffering car damage: $700 damage to Volvo transmission, $1000 to entire Ford van heating system, we are now rat free thanks to our two kittys. Go cats!
#5
Thats The Best Last Name
Dynein 5 years ago
I'd like to hear OP's reasoning for the men who won't take their wife's last name. I bet the only explanation they can come up with is "because that's how it always was!". Well, yes. And now it's more liberal. So?
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Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
I think it should NOT be a given that a woman takes her husband's surname... old-fashioned malarkey, along with women being the property of the man she marries. (I also apply this logic to same-sex marriages/civil unions: people should be free to choose)
Christina Eneroth (Eneroth3) 5 years ago
I'd like to her the reasoning for husbands not taking their wife's name.
ZombieGirl 5 years ago
For me, my dad passed away and I didn't want to lose that connection to him. My husband understood, and he never even thought about me changing my name bc he didn't think it was something people still did, lol
ZombieGirl 5 years ago
For our 10 year anniversary I did consider changing it though....but the hassle wasn't worth it lmao
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Erika Jones 5 years ago
I'll give you a great reason, which I learned through experience: the hassle of changing everything to your new name is ridiculous! I got married four years ago and it's still not totally done. The only reason I took my new husband's last name is because I was married previously and I didn't think it would be appropriate to keep my ex-husband's last name.
Colin Mochrie At Its Finest 5 years ago
Once I was called Mrs. Husband's first, last on a letter from a friend of husband's. Yup, said something. I get people thinking I have his last name but to be really old fashioned and think I took his first name is absurd.
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Clementine 5 years ago
Why would you change you name? It's not like your husband is adopting you!
#6
Coming Out
Wendillon 5 years ago
He's practicing...by the time he has kids he'll be the ultimate dad machine.
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debrina blackmoon 5 years ago (edited)
Same-what an idiot @$sh0le! Also a waste of cells turdpie.
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Fieke Engelen 5 years ago
I've read all the comments twice, is there anywhere to say it is a gay son, not daughter?? I read the first part and automatically thought daughter
So ‘Technically the Truth’ is somewhere between (technically) the truth and dad jokes, having a ton of fun in the comfortable digital nook it’s carved out for itself.
Rule-wise, the subreddit puts a lot of emphasis on quality. So reposts are out (unless they’re older than 3 months) and you can actually get a temporary ban if you share certain controversial posts again.
The community also incentivizes its members (or ‘truthers’ as they’re known on the sub) to actually make good content and avoid ‘low effort’ and ‘lazy’ statements and titles. And it looks like it’s working because the quality’s great (and the member count proves it).
#7
Outstanding Move
Jamnik 5 years ago
What? How is that EVER considered trashy by anyone, in any circumstances?
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Katie Lutesinger 5 years ago
Wearing jeans full of holes. If you're poor, you got them at an op shop. If you're rich, $10,000 from a boutique in New York.
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
I'm not sure how this fits in this pun-tastic "technically correct" topic. As it's correct in every way.
Anonymous Panda 5 years ago
True, true. But what about the opposite? What's consider poor if you're rich, and trashy if you're classy?
#8
Smart Teacher
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Or in the case of my past P.E. colleagues in the UK, year-round football.
#9
Hide Your Christians!
rspanther 5 years ago
I would rather be in a room with 2 cats of different breeds, than a room with 2 christians of different denominations. It would be a lot quieter.
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago
You got down voted by someone (probably a Christian) because you speak the truth. I go to Christian forums sometimes just to see what they are arguing about. And of they are always arguing. Reason #853,976 I am no longer a Christian.
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Beezel Palomar 5 years ago
If you think cats are assholes sometimes, take a christian home, you'll miss the cat.
Ray Martin 5 years ago
I love this one because, even though it seems to incur the wrath of almost everyone, it proves why grammar is important. Secondly, Christians are very high maintenance and can turn on you without warning, so that's why you're not allowed to buy and sell them.
JuJu 5 years ago
Do they need a tiny church instead of a dog/cat house? Do you have to feed them red wine and oblates once a week?
#10
Interesting Title
cybermerlin2000 5 years ago
Actually, when you give someone a black eye it's the area around the eye that is black
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
The most beautiful thing ever to grace the earth. Well, aside from books.
#11
Amazing Comment
Niffler_13 5 years ago
The first Veteran's Day celebration was in 1947. Because WWI ended at 11am on Nov 11, 1918 (The 11th Hour of the 11th Day of the 11th Month.)
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WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
11/11 is the start to Carnaval in the south of the Netherlands. For Americans 11/11...
Whizzle Pop 5 years ago
WWI ceasefire was set for 11am to give the armies time to get the message to their troops. Fighting steadily stopped on 11 November, but in some places soldiers were still getting killed in the MINUTES leading up to the final ceasefire. The last British soldier killed in action died at 0930AM, only 90 minutes before the war ended. With a tragic irony, he was killed in a sector that had actually seen some of the first fighting of the war in 1914. So the last British soldier killed in WWI is buried only about 10 metres away from the first British soldier killed in that war back in 1914. If anything illustrates the total futility and tragedy of that war, then that's it: The First and last soldiers of WWI killed fighting over the very same little bit of ground in Belgium.
I'm a makeup addict 5 years ago
That's pretty cool!!!!!!!!!!! (PS I put 11 exclamation marks in this comment)
#12
That's An Argument He Can Win
Leo Domitrix 5 years ago
Hmmm.... keep open the clinic where I get my pap smear, or the place that tells me I'm going to hell? .... Yeah, no contest.
Nolan Ruck 2 years ago
The church doesn't say that you're going to hell. It says that you won't because Jesus died on the cross for your sins.
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Freya the Wanderer 5 years ago
And where the heck are people like Life Long Vol when those babies are born? Fighting for better health care, education, environmental protections, or a living minimum wage? Nope, "protecting" the next batch of fetuses by voting for people who want to eliminate anti-pollution measures and give fat tax breaks to billionaires.
Purr·maid 5 years ago
Sometimes I wonder which is worse, having an abortion or bringing a child into this world of hatred & violence. I absolutely LOVE my 2 kids & couldn't imagine life without them. But there have been (& will continue to be) plenty of times that I wish I could spare them from the CRAP that goes on in this world.
Nia Loves Art 5 years ago
I support abortion rights, and also the right to have children. The antinatalist argument makes no sense to me. The world can be a bad place but it can also be a good place, and most people choose to stick around.
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Colin Mochrie At Its Finest 5 years ago
It is so infuriating that people want to stop another woman's right to choose for her body. Hell, I am not in favor of someone repeatedly getting abortions but I would not tell that person thet can't do it in fact, I don't even know who those people are so how can they affect me? But, for the 14 year old raped by her dad, the lady who finds out she will die if she continues the pregnancy, and rhey go to the back alley with a coat hanger.
blugeagua 5 years ago
Also a fetus is not a baby YET. Its still just a fetus, a clump of cells and tissue.
Go Hawks 5 years ago
If I may add my 2 cents; I had wished I was aborted. My first 20 years were misery. But, as I was able to escape, I was able to have an impact in ways that one couldn't have without my experience. And although I'm sure someone else could have taken my place in all the situations I've been in, my being there united people in ways that were unique to my existance, and allowed my family to end up in a safe place (I have disabled people in my life; my ability allowed us all to move together to a house which wouldn't have happened otherwise). This is not a diss at all on anyone who has chosen abortion; it is a very hard decision & situation. I'm just saying things might not end up as bad as you expect. Someone once responded to my question of what is the point of being here by saying that it's not what you get in life, it's how you change someone else's. Just putting out my side of the story, and absolutely not in hate💗
#13
Do You Agree? Was He The Main Character All Along?
Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
I always hoped Neville would really be the chosen one cause Harry was often insufferable.
von Funnyname 5 years ago (edited)
100% sure that Neville got rid of the last Horcrux, and in turn, was the only reason Harry could step in and "save the day". If he hadn't gotten the SoG, Harry would have been dead as disco. Neville WAS the hero.
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Анна Стасішина 5 years ago
Wrong question, lady in pink. The right one is: What if Tom Riddle's mother had a chance to have an abortion?
Wendillon 5 years ago
Can't we also counter this with "If Merope Riddle had an abortion Harry Potter would still have his parents?".
Aria Whitaker 5 years ago
On another note...if Hitlers mother had an abortion, we would have 6 million more Jewish and other minority citizens NOT slaughtered, and some may still even be with us.
Stille20 5 years ago
But here is the problem. You don't want these babies aborted, neither do I, but you also don't want to give the baby and it's mom affordable healthcare or affordable child care or paid family leave so the parents can care for the baby. So this is not a child with the tools to succeed in life
Stille20 5 years ago
Hi Hannah, Sorry you got down voted... in the united states the same politicians (or political party) who are anti abortion are anti paid family leave and birth control. "Abortion clinics" are usually women's health clinics - so defunding them would only take away services from women who need them.
Load More Replies... Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
I have no idea what any of this means except “Harry Potter.” I know tons of people read HP, but to me it seems kinda dumb to use this as an anti choice argument because it’s a kid’s fantasy book with wizards and dragons or whatever. Like they could just magic the baby out of her if they wanted to, it’s a fantasy land where abortions wouldn’t really ever apply.
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
The irony of your comment, James. Both obsessed with a book so much and simultaneously semi-literate to the point where you act like it’s the only book. Get a fućking life, dork.
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Queen Jackson. 5 years ago
I WAS GONNA SAY NEVILLE I FELT SO GENIUS UNTIL I SCROLLED A LITTLE DOWN IM GONNA CRY
Alethia Nyx 5 years ago
Also why would Lily Potter have wanted an abortion? She was happily married to the man she loved, young, healthy and financially stable.
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
I KNOW, this must be a person who never read the books and only watched the movies. I doubt she knows peeves exists.
Queen Jackson. 5 years ago
I’ve only read the books and I’ve never watched the movies ;-) I heard they were also good though
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#14
He Expertly Defied Logic
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
The OP is just stupid. One day every year is 23h, one is 25h (daylight savings). Now travel across any timezone (nip from Spain to Portugal) and the same; go to Newfoundland India or Myanmar and it's a 30min difference. Go from India to Nepal and it's 15min. The possibilities are legion (fly Midwest to Nepal?). Or go to the very Pole and you're out of any timezone.
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
Ah, nip across the dateline at any chosen minute+second, for a day of arbitrary length of your choosing.
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Jyri Hakola 5 years ago
And every day when we travel east over at least one time zone, once on every year when we change to summer daylight saving hours...
The 5-star rated 5-star rating system 4 years ago
I certainly can argue with both of them: days are always 24 hours, whether you are alive to experience them or not.
Santhe van der Meulen 5 years ago
There are 2 of those days every year: when we change from summertime to wintertime and vice versa. (It's called daylight saving time for the US I believe)
#15
A Penis Is Like Life...
#16
Fair Enough
El Dee 5 years ago
A garage, rich parents and a loan/gift from said parents who supported them through the lean times..
Mel Smith 5 years ago
I hate this belief. They didn't start in a garage as lower middle class, they started with rich parents who would give them funding and connections
MrTree1779 5 years ago
Disney and his brother were the sons of farmers. But they did get lucky breaks as adults.
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Tiari 5 years ago
Yeah, feed the false legends. The only one that started in a garage was Apple.
MrTree1779 5 years ago
They were all supported by rich people when they needed it the most.
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#17
Correct
Beezel Palomar 5 years ago
My cousin was trapped inside a creature 5-6 times his size. She had to be sedated so they could pull my cus out. He came out all bloodied and crying.
Jorge Torres 7 months ago
hahahahahahahahagagahahahahahaha (Just because it's lowercase doesn't mean its sarcasm
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Quazmodic 5 years ago (edited)
Nothing serious! Are you kidding me? Have you seen the f****d up world that kid just got born into? He'll be lucky if survives past 17 without being killed in a high school shooting rampage or run over by a big wheel pickup driven by a redneck Trump supporter!
#18
This
Hans 5 years ago
WTF original post? If you need drugs to enjoy it you are doing someone terribly wrong.
Steve Barnett 5 years ago
Hi Hans. It's not necessarily 'needing' drugs to enjoy sex, but some drugs do enhance sex.
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Mary Peace 5 years ago
If you put the drugs on the bed and lay on top, it doesn't much matter what drug, so long as it's not a syringe.
I'm lay sheep in China 5 years ago
I don't understand, a man can impregnate 9 ladies at the same time but a woman took 9montha to produce a baby then why do we the one take prescription instead of them using Protection
H Edwards 5 years ago
Sadly, since men can easily avoid dealing with the consequences, a lot of them wouldn't bother to take it.
Load More Replies... Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Quite a few people enjoy having sex while drunk... apparently. Can imagine some chemicals can enhance certain elements of sex... not tried it.
Bama Belle 5 years ago
For those too young to remember (or who are not classic country music fans), check out Loretta Lynn's The Pill. It was initially banned from radio. Awesome song!
#19
Thought This Might Belong Here. I Would Totally Eat 6 Donuts And Be No Worse Off Than Drinking 1 Coke
Bill 5 years ago (edited)
I read that smoking and drinking are bad for your health. So I decided to stop reading. (Not really)
Wendillon 5 years ago
Good call! My doctor kept telling me that sitting in front of my computer and playing games all day was really bad for my health....so I stopped going to see him!
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Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
I'd rather have the 6 donuts than the bottle of Coke for the same calories... eat them two at a time and drink water.
Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago
It’s not the same calories, it’s the same sugar. If it was the same calories, that’d be fuçking amazing.
Load More Replies... Bama Belle 5 years ago
I did notice the sugar content of an original glazed Krispy Kreme is much lower than I expected. Some cereals have a higher sugar content.
Abur Felix 5 years ago
I would eat the 6 donuts and down them with the 20oz soda with no remorse
Shelley DuVal 5 years ago
and so would many others, and usually it's the skinny ones who never put on weight no matter what they eat. Mind you they would possibly end up with diabetes.
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Kendra Miller 5 years ago
There was a period when vitamins were just? introduced, so companies began spiking everything with them. Enter the vitamin donut
Kendra Miller 5 years ago
Lear more (Ridiculous History): https://open.spotify.com/episode/1SaJyfr0iC8hWxQZqxKJPB
Load More Replies... #20
Technically The Much-More-Impressive-Sounding Truth
M O'Connell 5 years ago
Except "single-handedly" signals that you aren't a team player. "Oversaw implementation of safety protocols and equipment for the successful deployment of new environmental illumination systems on-budget and without a single safety incident" I.E. 'I held the ladder'
Greg Marcus 5 years ago (edited)
I once helped a young woman write her resume. Her only work experience was as a little league soccer referee. That became: "Proven ability to make critical decisions in a high pressure, time sensitive environment." Always been proud of that one.
#21
Not His President
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago (edited)
Wasn't mine either, as I live in the UK, but he sure made life unpleasant/intolerable for many people in America and indirectly in the rest of the world.
CatWoman312 5 years ago
It’s funny how now all the Trumpsters who mocked people for saying not my president in 2016 are now the ones saying it about Joe Biden 4 years later. Lesson here: don’t be a bully, it’ll come back and haunt you.
Gustavo Di Salvo 5 years ago
I'm American and he's not my president (South America is still America)
SuavePotato 5 years ago
I had an argument with this girl on here and she was like "hE's StilL YouR PreSIdenT" and I was like, no tf I'm Aussie
#22
I Am Glad They Cleared This Up
Karin Jansen 5 years ago
Hehe, reminds me of the documentary 'the last dance' where he's discribed as 'a former Chicago resident' XD https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.boston.com/sports/media/2020/05/01/obama-former-chicago-resident-last-dance/amp
Night Owl 5 years ago
Reminded me of this: https://www.thebusinesswomanmedia.com/amal-alamuddin-marries-actor/
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Helen Haley 5 years ago
I often wonder how many women and their accomplishments in history have been buried just because they were a mrs. Or because they were daughter of so and so.
#23
Well Yes Buy Actullay Yes
wandile dludlu 5 years ago
Why would I want to waste time trying to murder people? I'd make myself rich, I'd go take money from anyone and every institution
ZombieGirl 5 years ago
If there was ever a Purge, I would spend that time hiding, lol. Just being honest
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Bring on The Purge! (I do like the premise of those films, although the majority of people killed are working class and poor... just like the real world!)
Torchicachu 5 years ago
man i wouldnt do anything except hide in my house and pray for my life. there might be someone out there that wants to kill me
#24
Just Because It’s True, Doesn’t Mean I Like It
Marlowe Fitzpatrik 5 years ago
That's not even a question! Ariel chose land and legs, she didn't even want the sea anymore.
Torchicachu 5 years ago
also i would like to point out something ive never noticed - look at ariels stomach. its worse than instagram models. there is no way she has a rib cage or organs
Anonymous Panda 5 years ago
Ariel is just princess. She has a bunch of older sister's that would be ruler before her. moana isn't queen of the ocean. She is the controller.
D. Pitbull 5 years ago
If you wish to get somewhat nitpicky... The question mentions "Queen"...sooo you're talking monarchy system? .... sooo... that's passed down by birth/relatives - regardless of what kind of idiot/incompetent the next one in line is ... soo unfortunately..................
#25
The Truth Behind The Pyramids
Steve Barnett 5 years ago
Exactly. Doesn't mean that somehow these civilisations communicated with each other, it proves that humans have been able to figure out the optimum way(s) to construct.
Matthew Greene 5 years ago
Thank you! I have a sore spot when people suggest aliens. It's downright insulting to the people and cultures that created all the ancient wonders. Ancient humans weren't any less intellengent then modern humans. Less overall knowledge, same smarts.
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Radek Suski 5 years ago
It means that civilisation at low level of technological development flourished at best in areas with mild climate I guess
Ian Taggart 4 years ago
It's called convergent evolution and it is why whales look so much like fish.
Ian Taggart 5 years ago
It's called convergence. It's the reason that whales look so much like fish.
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
You mean they started as giant cubes and over time stuff fell off the edges? Plausible! But yes, people around the world agree walls are most practical when vertical while roofs need a slope to drain. Also, heaps of sand end up at a similar slope whatever their size if sprinkled from one point, it's a stability issue.
#26
Why Is This Correct?
Olivier Caissy 5 years ago
The son is 1 day old and the daughter is 2 days old, twice the son’s age thus the joke.
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#27
Kicked Out Even After A Perfect Answer
Arctic Fox Lover 5 years ago
Of course he was escorted out, obviously he was supposed to say "mthe alphabet".
#28
I Mean, It Is
Beezel Palomar 5 years ago
The one that made the bad joke about concrete? maybe
Load More Replies... Haven Michael 5 years ago
This could answer that not-question above about proving why women don't want to change their last name to their husband's.
Bama Belle 5 years ago
Guy IS an ass, but according to what I read, his wife changed her name to that of a supermarket to win a contest. She's too weird and he's too aggressive. Hopefully they went their separate ways.
Pink 5 years ago
ok, the dude who left that common should be sentenced to 2 years in the pun-itentiary! Ill see myself out ;w;
Katinka Min 5 years ago
This goes very nicely witht he post where some iditos asks why women would not want to take thier husband'S name. THAT is why: possessivenes and the terrible consequences.
StrawberryParfait 5 years ago
Gosh, can't understand why she would do that! He is clearly such a well-balanced and psychologically healthy individual!
#29
Ask And You Shall Receive
JessG 5 years ago
It started back when it was popular to make nicknames that rhyme: Will/Bill, Rob/Bob, Rick/D**k, and it just stuck
Kari Panda 5 years ago
As a German person, that really confused me when I was a kid. Same goes for Robert/Bobby - Bobby is a dog‘s name here.
Christian Bradshaw 5 years ago
My family was joking about this subject in the car one time. I asked the same question, and my dad was like, "Buy him a drink first".
#30
Can Confirm
Colin Mochrie At Its Finest 5 years ago
This person posts a lot of quips and is on Buzzfeed a lot and is actually quite annoying
Ian Taggart 4 years ago
Barry: "Ronaldo, why were you eating a corn dog in my tuxedo?" Naldo: "I wasn't gonna eat a corn dog naked."
#31
Checkmate
JessG 5 years ago
“Sin” is a human construct, just like the words “homosexual” and “heterosexual”. Live your life how you want
Geth 5 years ago
Ehhh . . . don't live your life how you want. Live your life in an ethical fashion that won't harm others.
Load More Replies... Sasha Kuleshov 5 years ago
So whenever I'm with my girlfriend we're just furiously "cuddling"?
phantom buni 5 years ago
I’m a little confuzzled, but live your life however you want as long as everyone is happy.
BusLady 5 years ago
Those Westboro inbreds claim that masturbation is a sin because it is sex with yourself, therefore sex with your own gender (ie: gay sex). Yes, this is only one of their brilliant beliefs.
Ann Rii 5 years ago
The Westboro Babtist Church doesn't seem like real christianity. God does not hate homosexuals. He hates the sin, not the sinner. The bible tells us to love everyone, not hate them.
Load More Replies... CatWoman312 5 years ago
It’s not in the Bible anyway. Wish more Christians would read rather than just blindly follow
Anonymous Anonymous 5 years ago
As a Christian I can tell you Those aren't real Christians
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Broker Ray 5 years ago
God didn't define sex. He defined marriage as a unity between a man and a woman.
#32
I Don't Need No Dummy
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
My empathies lie with the poor crash-test dummies... especially when a whole family of them in a minivan is deliberately crashed into a wall.
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago
Once, there was this giiiiirl who....(anyone else remember the '90's????)
Load More Replies... Bama Belle 5 years ago
I once heard a comedian joke that until inventors came up with a crash test dummy that stiffened every muscle and screamed upon impact, they'd never get accurate test results.
M O'Connell 5 years ago
Reviewers will often bring that up. Its one of the reasons I've trusted Motor Week for such a long time. They've been doing real-world tests of such things for years.
John Baker 5 years ago
Not to mention that for most of us, the number of miles between fillups is more important than the number of seconds between 0 and 100.
#33
Can’t Trust Anyone
David K 5 years ago
I am more concerned by the fact that a company called Apple never did anything around fruit...despite what Forrest Gump thinks :-)
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
They always quoted Johnny Appleseed --- e.g. zoom in on the TextEdit logo (and Mackintosh is/was a popular apple variety)... e.g. https://www.techradar.com/uk/news/computing/apple/the-appleseed-legend-the-story-behind-apple-s-unofficial-mascot-1208237/2
Load More Replies... tuzdayschild 5 years ago
I tried to rest my head on a Microsoft Surface and the surface was hard.
#34
Tasty Humans...
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Ah, the beauty of symbiotic natural relationships... Bless Mother Nature.
Kendra Miller 5 years ago
Well it would be if we didn't pump our dead with formaldehyde before burying them. We be poison even in death.
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Giles McArdell 5 years ago
Plants need animals to help get rid of their polluting by-product, Oxygen.
#35
Cmon Google Assistant
Doggo Georgia 5 years ago
Oh golly...Siri is even more petty. Use Cortana or Alexa
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#36
We're Just Too Busy!!!
MrTree1779 5 years ago
Adam Ruins Everything: Engagement rings are a scam. -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU
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Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Because millennials are smart enough to know that clear, manipulated bits of compressed carbon are not worth the extortionate amounts charged. I prefer other gems- some of the least expensive are the most beautiful (like the polished Jasper in the pic...). Polished-J...65eaa2.jpg 
A Jones 5 years ago
Gem stones are at a lower purchase amount and look better anyway. Have you even own a large piece of tiger's eye? It's beautiful.
Joey Marlin 5 years ago
What do you mean? Sorry, but diamonds are gemstones. Though I completely agree that there are many, many beautiful gems and no-one needs to go broke getting a diamond when there are so many options.
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Mewton’s Third Paw 5 years ago (edited)
I’m a huge diamond (and cubic zirconia sometimes) lover, I have a collection and diamond engagement rings. And I’m a millennial. But definitely diamonds are not rare at all. I don’t like colors and metallics that much, the clearness of diamonds and CZ is what makes them cool. But cool is not the same as rare. Diamonds are definitely overpriced in general.
Load More Replies... Sasha Kuleshov 5 years ago
I'd rather buy cheaper rocks to adorn my hands *cough* zirconium ;D
Mary Tonningsen 5 years ago
I've got a bunch of CZs from QVC that are just gorgeous - 20+ yrs old and they look like they did the day I purchased them. No need for real diamonds for me when I've got those!
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Colin Mochrie At Its Finest 5 years ago
Every time it's like secretly applying for a data entry position.
#37
Probably Yes
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
$69.95 Are you fricking serious? I saved for ages to get a fitbit and I paid over $200 and that was for the original Fitbit flex.
#38
It’s True
Amarédesse Gemtree, SLYTHERIN 4 years ago
ha. i remember watching that even though I've never even touched a cat.
#39
Apparently The New Lifesaver Brand Watch.
Anonymous Panda 5 years ago
I found a doctor doctor joke like this Patient: Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the surgery? Doctor: I don't see why not. Patient: That's amazing, I never could before!
Downunderdude 5 years ago
Reminds me of the old one about the guy who broke his hand and asked the doctor if he'd be able to play the piano when it healed. 'Yes', says the doctor. 'Great because I couldn't before'.
#40
Oh Phoebe
MrTree1779 5 years ago
"Friends" was one the darkest, cruelest shows about 6 people who continuously treated each other like s**t, and treated minorities even worse. The show's title was a total lie.
LuckyL 5 years ago
It's like Hitler wasn't such a bad guy after all, at least he killed Hitler...
Emilingo 5 years ago
There's this theory that he didn't actually kill himself, but escaped underground. DNA tests have been done on what was claimed was his body and It is definitely a woman's.
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MelO 5 years ago
Take away the laugh track and add some solemn music and Phoebe's story stops being "funny". Her Father abandoned the family, step father doing life in prison, her mother dealt drugs, then committed suicide. Estranged from her twin sister, a porn actress who stole her identity. Was alone, living on the streets at 16. So quirky...hahahah....yikes....
AnimalMetalHeadUK 5 years ago
Yes, and here is Ross without a laugh track, he is just a mad-man. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgKgXehYnnw
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#41
They're Dead
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
The reality is however planes regularly fly with dead people, and indeed it's not an emergency. Some companies have a dedicated broom cupboard/locker, most move them+family to first class, some to staff quarters, all struggle. There's interesting articles occasionally. I think the statistic is that at EVERY single (non-corona) moment there's over 100K people in the sky; even if healthy enough to travel, some of them die every day.
Dave P 5 years ago
Not to mention all the corpses in coffins in the Cargo hold for people who want to be buried in their hometown, or ancestral homelands, or somewhere special, etc.
Load More Replies... Whizzle Pop 5 years ago
Fun fact. In the French navy during the 17th and 18th centuries it was common for crews to bury shipmates who died at sea down in the hold of the ship, under the stone ballast. They would complete the voyage, and then dig them up when they reached home for a proper burial on land. Burying them at sea was considered disrespectful.
Wonderful 5 years ago
That’s interesting. So they don’t just dump them overboard and then sail on like in the movies? No dead ppl shark food on this ship. 🚢 ⚰️
Load More Replies... Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
I really detest the overuse of "literally"... not required in this case and "actually" would be better. I'm not sure regarding the emergency situation, but I think that a person suddenly dying onboard an aircraft probably warrants an investigation.
Kari Panda 5 years ago
The word was used correctly here, unlike in many other cases when someone was ‘literally’ dying from boredom, from embarrassment etc., so why the strong aversion?
Load More Replies... CatWoman312 5 years ago
I mean he’s right. The dead person likely wanted to be buried at his destination anyway
#42
The Traveler Aka The Pizza Man
MikeyG 5 years ago
A bit like the guy who has a corner office with a view of the whole city, gets paid to travel & drives a $500k company vehicle. (He was a bus driver)
#43
Former Record Holder
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
Indeed, and all competitors you're ahead of you stay ahead of, that takes the stress away. Once you made it to the top, the decent thing is to leave the race so the youngsters have a chance.
Gary French 5 years ago
I went for the record of the person with the least records held. I lost the title straight away!
#44
An Interesting New Scientific Discovery
actaully...nevermind 5 years ago
If your parents didn't have any children, chances are, you were delivered by a stork
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
I'm was found in a hollow tree, my parents say they were brought by stork and my grandma said she came out of a cabbage... No sex in my family since 3generations and counting.
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#45
Can’t Argue With That
Russell Rieckenberg 5 years ago
At 72 seconds, I think it was a commercial.
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Downunderdude 5 years ago
It's called the Wow signal because that's what the scientist wrote on the paper printout. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wow!_signal
#46
Chickens Can’t Afford Umbrellas
Martin Kaine 5 years ago
Don't laugh, chickens are the lowest paid birds in the world. Its fowl.
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Since a chicken's feathered wings are water resistant, I think she and the chicks will be okay...
Anonymous Panda 5 years ago
What are you talking about? She can afford a real feather scarf, she should be able to get an umbrella!
#47
You Can't Deny It....
Wendillon 5 years ago
Except there it's the professor giving you your rat so he can bang your single mom while you're gone.
#48
In A Way?
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
I do not think it is a terrible thing to encourage a friend to be healthy... but a friend's role is to be supportive, not badgering.
Wendillon 5 years ago
Yes, but this post isn't saying you should tell them to lose weight. It's saying you shouldn't tell them not to lose weight. If they don't want to lose weight, that's fine, it's their body but if they do want to lose weight telling them not to is discouraging.
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Samantha Lomb 5 years ago
Given that you have no idea WHY a person is overweight and there are many reasons besides just "eating too much" you should mind your own damned business.
Scyth 5 years ago
I never bother an overweight stranger about his or her obesity, but doesn't mean I would support unscientific claims about fat and healthiness.
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Susie 5 years ago
Overweight people know they're overweight. You can encourage people if they express a desire, but you can't make a person lose weight. Just stop.
BusLady 5 years ago
Missing the boat on this one. Telling an overweight person they are beautiful is to affirm that they have a right to love themselves and have good self esteem like everyone else.
Stille20 5 years ago
Telling someone they are beautiful and worthy of love isn't telling them not to lose weight
Julie C Rose 5 years ago (edited)
THANK YOU!!!! I go to one of the top dietitians in Auckland and at no point has his advice included self-abasement, so I’m going to need everyone to stop pretending that talking s**t about fat people, either by others or by themselves, is part of health.
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Cynthia Bonville 5 years ago
Because fat shaming really helps people loose weight. We also shame depressed people for their depression, works out well.
Paper A 5 years ago (edited)
The debate is not "fat people should be called beautiful," but rather, "fat people deserve respect and to be treated with dignity." the movement is encouraging you to think about how you react to fat people. Do you treat them as though they are repulsive, deserve less credit for being intelligent adults, do you feel the need to parent them? Do you feel like they can't date, love, and be loved in the same way? Do you yourself, being fat, mimic these sentiments in your head? Well, let's treat fat people with the dignity that everyone deserves.
CatWoman312 5 years ago (edited)
Or maybe just maybe we could stay in our own lane and worry about ourselves. Your fat friend doesn’t pay your bills and your drunk uncle doesn’t define your happiness
Debbie 5 years ago (edited)
It does if the drunk uncle kills your kid when he gets in his car drunk.
Load More Replies... Anonymous Panda 5 years ago
Only if it's unhealthy. They will still be beautiful though either way. But if it's natural, who cares? Just don't be mean no matter what.
#49
I Just Threw Up In The Toilet
MantisKeeper 5 years ago
why would anybody do this, this is possibly the best pixar movie out there!
#50
Exactly Bro
Hans 5 years ago
He is yet the elected guy in a democracy. Showing support is just perfect, if actions follow.
K. 5 years ago
To add to Wendillon: if you are a person of virtue, your actions, words, and heart would show that. Some people see one but not the other. Besides, it’s embarrassing to talk about your own good qualities, but has to be done to inspire and give examples to other to follow suit.
Load More Replies... Martha Meyer 5 years ago
No one elected him president if the world, so no, it's not like he can just snap his fingers to solve the climate crisis. Not as long as people like Bolsonaro are in charge of other countries.
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Actually he may be the face of the government but he still needs approval for laws and changes to be made from others in government, including the opposition.
Parmeisan 5 years ago
The NDP and Greens will go along with any climate action he attempts. But he's not attempting much.
Load More Replies... Purr·maid 5 years ago
He seems to care a lot for the people (& the future). Trump certainly wouldn't do something like that, the dimwitted jerk.
Parmeisan 5 years ago
Unfortunately, the truth about Justin Trudeau is that he's very, *very* good at seeming to care. I will happily admit that he's better than some alternatives, but he's also mostly talk.
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Leah Johnson 4 years ago (edited)
Why are people giving this sleezeball cudos? He is an embarrassment and the last 2 elections has only had 32% of the vote. The majority is actually against this clown. He also has several ethics violations and some allegations that he has paid off or made disappear. How he ever got to be the leader of a party as a failed part time teacher I will never understand.
#52
It Was Filmed On Location
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
I for one, am not arguing with Dr deGrasse-Tyson! (His reading of audiobooks is very soothing! :D)
Dave P 5 years ago
And Tyson ripped that comment off of Buzz Aldrin without giving credit, He has a bad history of ripping off comments without giving credit, as well as fabricating quotes and attributing it to people. Not to mention other things. He may be a brilliant physicist, but he is a horrible person.
John Baker 5 years ago
I heard that NASA hired Stanley Kubrick to do the fake footage, and it was Kubrick who insisted on shooting on location. ;-)
#53
Dad Joke
#54
Guess Im Not Pretending Enough
Iðunn Ýr The Icelandic Panda 5 years ago
Haha oh wow, what a funny way to say *mindblown* 🤭
Load More Replies... Pink 5 years ago
No matter what letter you remove from the word "SEAT", you get a real word....
Pandana 5 years ago
my dumbass was gonna be like "NOT SET" Until i realized set is a word. Screenshot...c53760.png 
#55
He Has A Point.
#56
Best Birthday Present Ever
#57
Ah, American Jokes
RATSMACKER 5 years ago
Haha thanks. That took me a second :) +1 have your upvote!
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Yikes EDIT oops, didn’t realise it was camera equipment.
SushiPanda 5 years ago
When your friend is driving and somebody stops there car and doesn't move it. Then, the guy pulls out a pistol and shakes it threatening to shoot it. Oh, and your friend is hispanic. This is what happened to her. The guy drove away, and she is ok. I just feel really bad for her......
Louloubelle 5 years ago
I feel ashamed for laughing at this. Although I did grimace a bit as well.
#58
An Interesting Title
Blue 5 years ago
Ack- probably gonna get downvoted, but OOOOOH MY GODDDDDDDDDD TAE IS SUCH A CINNAMON ROLL AAAAAAAAA I CANT HANDLE ITTTTT
Steven Essex 5 years ago
I got my glasses so I could read. When others are around, I spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning them.
Amarédesse Gemtree, SLYTHERIN 4 years ago
i really don't like bts or kpop or whatever but, damn this is good.
TheDemonUnderYourBed 5 years ago
I don't like BTS.... or BlackPink.. or Kpop in general, but this cracked me up
#59
I Meaaan
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
There were around 60 conspirators. Caesar was found with about 23 stab wounds. Some people there pulled less weight than my teammates on group projects.
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Dónal Ó Murchadha 5 years ago
Actually he couldnt be more wrong. Caesar Cardini died less than 70 years ago, 1956 to be exact. He invented the salad in 1924 in his restaurant in Tijuana, Mexico.
#60
Not Trying To Get Too Dogmatic In This Community But...
Kimberly Young 5 years ago
However, there is no size given for the temple or the baby, so the upper and lower bounds can only be estimates.
Dave P 5 years ago
Actually we know the exact size of the Temple from the many first hand accounts of the Second Temple, Jewish, Greek, and Roman souces.
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Blue of the yams (They/He) 5 years ago
The bible says he had hair like wool and skin like bronze and he was born in the middle east... and people still think Jesus was white.
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
Well, we can lower the upper limit, because he was also in an upper room, generally assumed to be a lodging in Jerusalem. So Jesus was bigger than a baby and smaller than a house.
#61
Different Kinds Of Luck
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
I will be very lucky as it means I will have beat the astronomical odds against me and won the Lotto...
#62
We Share His Pain
J. Zingler 5 years ago
B. Brecht once asked the question: What is the bigger crime, to rob a bank or to found one?
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#63
Anything
JessG 5 years ago
Tipping culture should be completely done away with. I’ve been in the service industry for 25 years, and I think it’s time to just pay us a living wage and not have to rely on the general public to decide whether you can eat or not.
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
In Europe servants disagree heavily with you, because they get tips on top of their legal minimum wage. In Netherlands the legal minimum wage for people working in hotels, restaurants and bars can be anything from €7,14 p/h to €15,95 p/h, depending on age, education and experience. https://cdn.khn.nl/media/Loontabellen/20200602-khn-bijlage-loontabel-1-7-2020-met-jeugd-en-uurlonen.pdf
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Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago
When I was a waitress people would come in, order a coffee for $1.59(?) And get free refill after free refill, take up the table reading newspaper or phone for hours (cracker barrel, lots of older people would come in ) try to get us to stop and talk to them every time we walked by and would leave maybe 50 cents. Yes that is over 20 percent but we can't seat people actually ordering FOOD at those tables and they keep us from taking care of other people. That was the problem. Sometimes business people would come in, sit in a corner table and do interviews and only order coffee, but they would leave a $20 because they knew they were taking up a paying table. That was ok.Think about it, if I only had 4 tables for breakfast rush and 2 of the tables were older people talking to each other drinking coffee for a few hours I only made a dollar total off half my tables during rush.
Steven Essex 5 years ago
Please remember to tip your servers. I recommend a firm shove, from the side, at shoulder height.
#64
I Mean 🤷♂️
SushiPanda 5 years ago
I am not a big fan of mayonnaise, but sometimes I have to use it for a recipe. I'll eat it if I can't taste it.
wandile dludlu 5 years ago
Have you watched my 600lb life? I think he knows he holds the record
#65
Well...
pansexualandproud 5 years ago
cant you already be any gender you want? tell me if I'm wrong
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#66
Not Completely Wrong Though
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Not for the faint of heart. It’s a bit over seasoned and the meat can bite back, not a soup I would ever order from any menu.
Steven Essex 5 years ago
So let's turn up the heat, get the oceans to a boil, and get dinner going. I'm starving!
#67
Thats Alot Of Data
#68
Color: Orange. Taste: Orange. Consistency.
Giles McArdell 5 years ago
The colour orange is named after the fruit, in case there is actually anyone who does not already know this. Damn, I'm so desperate for upvotes.
Pearl_TheRapperLOL 5 years ago
If you think you're desperate, I've been trying to get top 1% on BoredPanda for upvoted so I can make my friend jealous because we're in a competition, and guess what I accomplished today?
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Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
Did you know that the orange was named after the fruit?
Veronica Mars 5 years ago
My ex would HATE this, he adamantly refused that there was such a thing as an orange (I had to classify Clementine, satsuma etc.) Personally I'm quite satisfied with the round small orange fruit being classified as an orange for convenience and time saving purposes...
H Edwards 5 years ago
This is one of those weird things that only happens in America. The oranges in Europe are naturally orange, and I know that because a) I've seen them growing on the actual trees and b) our laws on what you are allowed to do to food would prevent it. (I did just look this up and it's only done to oranges grown in a couple of states - the colour is literally named after the fruit, so if they were all yellowish green then that wouldn't make sense)
Load More Replies... #69
Lost A Breath When I Saw This
Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
I've been staring at this picture for 2 hours and I haven't seen him breathe.
Tobias the Tiger 4 years ago
It's been a little over 6 years by now... still too soon!
Load More Replies... #70
No One Wants To Eat Bees So Makes Sense
Kari Panda 5 years ago
I understand her though. Sometimes, restaurants won‘t list every single ingredient, and if it‘s a severe allergy, better be safe than sorry.
Shelp 5 years ago
I thought it was mandatory to list every single allergene? Or maybe that's just in Europe?
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#71
She Found A Loophole
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
Premarital sex is the best sex. I guess that's why it's forbidden.
#72
Whose Feet Should I Put Them On?
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
Really? I've never heard of it before
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
I can't wait till this writing format is finished with. No-one: ... No-one: ...
#73
She Doesn't Drink
Emily Ducat 5 years ago (edited)
Even Koalas will drink if desperate enough 🥂 - Hey, I didn't know I could put emoji's in... I have no idea how I did it though :'( ... I just key smashed them into existence but now they're gone
Load More Replies... #74
And Im Only 15.
#75
Facts
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
I think the OP's username is questionable... I think the Law & Order SVU better investigate.
John Baker 5 years ago
It tells me he's probably an Iron Maiden fan. Bruce Dickinson is the lead vocalist.
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Ian Taggart 4 years ago
Lewis: "Why is your dog wearing glasses?" Bud: "'Cause his insurance won't pay for contacts."
Pandana 5 years ago
hes also a wild animal and could legit attack at any moment
Load More Replies... #76
Better Check The Meter
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
How bored do you have to be to think of these gems???
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
With old LCD screens, light and dark pixels did cost the same amount of electricity though! Dimming just shielded more light out, also...
Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
Well, technically, yes. Although I doubt the same is true for turning the lights off.
#77
He Is Telling Us The Truth
#78
Indeed Life Changing
Wendillon 5 years ago
You could probably vaccinate a whole village in a 3rd world country with that money.
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Oskar vanZandt 5 years ago
But you can also buy plenty of legal Paracetamol to achieve the same result... and like heroin, it would also not be a 'good' life altering experience.
#79
"Careful It's Soup"
Red rockin lobster 5 years ago
Could've come out "soup careful, your hot" (soundind like "you're")
#80
Well, Yeah. I Guess...
#81
I'm Not Sure If This Is Too Cheesy For This Sub
Pearl Of the SeaWing RainWings 5 years ago
Well it is! This whole joke was about technicality anyway so Idk why Oskar was downvoted
Load More Replies... #82
A Professor's Slide Had This. Hmmmmmmmm
Johnny Frostbite 5 years ago
Nah they married her and died of Ebola directly after
Load More Replies... actaully...nevermind 5 years ago
So it's either ebola is laying it off, or Kim Kardashian has been busy
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
Is this professor one of those conspiracy theorists or is this meant to be a joke?
H Edwards 5 years ago
It's technically the truth (apart from the then/than typo). Only one American died from ebola, Kim is on husband number three.
Load More Replies... #83
Woah Dude
#84
Choppity Chop
#85
Go See For Yourself. Its True.
#86
I Suck At Titles, Here's Something From The Land Of Mcdonalds
Aragorn II Elessar 5 years ago
We’ve been in six formal wars. We won the Revolution, tied on the War of 1812, won the Mexican-American War, half won the Civil War, assisted in the Allied victories in World War 1 and World War II. As for informal conflicts, we accomplished nothing in Korea, lost in Vietnam, and have been fighting in the Middle East for 29 years to no result in Iran, Syria, and Afghanistan.
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#88
Another Bingo For Extinction
#89
My Local Newspaper Has Jokes..
#90
He's Not Wrong
Steve Barnett 5 years ago
# POSSIBLE SPOILER # Never got one thing about Bird Box: How did just covering the windows with paper stop the 'apparitions' from getting into the house?
Red 5 years ago (edited)
Because they cant actually touch anything hence why they have people forcing you to look at them. In short they cant actually interact with doors windows and ect. And covering the windows stopped them because it stops you from looking at them they only have power over you if you look at them
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Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
Does it count that I only watched about 20 minutes of it because it was so bad?
#91
Alex Really Be Out Here
#92
Well How Do You Outlaw Crashing
#93
He Is Technically Right
A.E. Marlowe 5 years ago
Public masturbation is generally considered a taboo act that will result in disgusted/confused reactions from people, say at a party, should they witness said activity.
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What do you think ?
Onion rings like to make your breath smelly 5 years ago
Made me laugh several times! Love this!
Onion rings like to make your breath smelly 5 years ago
Made me laugh several times! Love this!
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