“I Sadly Thought This Was Normal Behavior For A Long Time”: 30 Signs That Somebody Is Not Okay
Interview
Mental health is extremely important for our overall well-being. And not just for our own but for our loved ones as well. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had the superpower to immediately clock the tiniest hints that someone close to us was having problems with their mental health? If we were able to tell when it's just a regular mood swing and when we'd need to actually worry?
Recently, people shared some signs that might indicate a person is having a tough time with their mental health. Some shared the things they wished others noticed about them when they needed help. Others shared experiences with loved ones who have been or are still struggling.
Bored Panda reached out to the Redditor who asked this question, and they were kind enough to have a chat with us. Read our conversation about the importance of mental health below!
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What people who aren't depressed or never have been dont realize is just how hard it is getting up in the morning much less making proper appointments for mental health checks. Everything feels exhausting. It's the one disease that literally tries to stop you from getting help for it.
The Redditor who asked others "What are some subtle signs a person is not quite alright mentally?" got back to us and told us why they decided to post this on r/AskReddit. It appears this topic is near and dear to this Redditor's heart.
The question was inspired by the user's own struggles with mental health, such as depression, anxiety, and alcoholism, as well as the issues of the people in their immediate circle. "I developed an interest in observing these issues and learning about different ways of treating them," the Redditor told us.
If you know someone who has been really depressed and suddenly they seem very happy it can be a sign that they decided they are going to k*ll themselves and are happy with their decision and glad it will all be over soon.
Lives in filth and squalor. Severe depression and other mental illnesses impair your executive functioning and motivation, so tending to basic hygiene and cleanliness is extremely difficult.
The user also agrees that it's extremely important to be aware of subtle signs of mental distress. "The sooner one recognizes an issue, the better [the] chance of treating it before it becomes a greater hazard for the person and the ones around them," the Redditor says.
They also have had some personal experience with this and kindly agreed to share it with our readers. "If I myself would have seriously looked at my substance abuse earlier, I would have avoided a bad psychological breakdown and [the] consequences that followed," the Redditor gets brutally honest.
Personal hygiene is usually for me a sign something ain't alright.
InstantMedication:
This is one of the things I started to notice went south before I started to plan to end my life. Just stopped caring if my hair was washed at all. Bipolar and depression are a b**ch.
I had my 6 month dental cleaning yesterday and the hygienist asked if I've been brushing and flossing. I told her I've been brushing as much as I can but flossing fell of my radar due to a really bad bout of depression and this saint of a woman looks at me and says "Listen, that's ok. It's great that you're still brushing because I can't imagine how hard it was to push yourself to do that. I'm proud of you." Let me tell you, I nearly sobbed.
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth".
Damn, that's rather poetic. I need to write this down!
Difficulty to make simple decisions, hyper sensitiveness of any kind of criticism.
I don’t think this applies to most people. I have a hard time making a lot of decisions and I’m extremely sensitive and can’t handle criticism but I’m not mentally ill in any way
The Redditor thinks the collective attitudes towards mental health have changed in recent years. They think there's more and more awareness about mental health issues and more compassion towards individuals who have to deal with them.
"I think people are more understanding and appreciative towards mental health than before. The [education] towards recognition and tolerance is better, though there is a huge need for that in schools, especially [for people of] younger ages," the user tells Bored Panda.
Isolation from other people. Little to no social battery because in their minds they think they are bothersome to people or that other people would not really notice them gone anyway.
sl*t4suffering333:
For me, it’s isolation. I haven’t been okay in years so now I work nights and barely interact with anyone. I’ve become so isolated
I don’t even know how to integrate back into society or communicate properly. Appetite is also an indicator. When I stop eating and lose weight rapidly, something is very wrong. I’m usually hoping for death by starvation.
One to be careful with before you judge someone on appearances. Some people are perfectly OK spending a lot of time alone.
Poor mood regulation, if I ever see an adult have a temper tantrum, I avoid them at all costs.
he's mad cause he's working on a laptop outside (can't see) no charger (laptop is dead) and no wifi. The guy in this pic has done all this to himself.
A constant sense of boredom, bored at work, bored at home, bored doing hobbies...etc. this is usually a sign of discontent or apathy both of which breed depression.
I have anxiety and I have noticed that when I am asked to do something at work that I am unfamiliar with, I will ask multiple times in multiple different ways. That’s the only way I can receive proper confirmation that I am performing the task correctly. It’s almost as if I have to ask every single step - I’m sure my coworkers hate me for it, but I’d rather ask 100 times than not ask, and have to own up and THEN fix my mistake. For reference, I work in a relatively fast pace environment.
When they adopt a religious mindset that is closer to superstition about *every* single thing in life.
I'm not disparaging all religion, but when a person starts thinking the Archangel Gabriel is walking in their garden when the branches move in the wind or attribute absolutely every single thing, like a napkin falling, to God's plan something is wrong.
A lot of people might say to look out for people who are weird but the real sign is to look out for people who lash out randomly.
I like being weird, weird is all i've got, that and my sweet style - Moss.
As someone who's been there and seen others suffer, I have some to contribute
-Sudden changes in behavior
-Reckless behavior
-Lack of motivation
-Very high highs and very low lows
-Mood swings
-Changes in appetite (over/undereating).
Speech patterns are a good indication. Mania can make people talk really fast or depression can make people not speak at all. How they speak, the words used, can also indicate issues. It's best to just ask if they're ok.
While this is true for most cases, you have to be aware of and consider the person’s “normal” speech patterns so this isn’t a good indicator of mental illness on its own. I have depression and can be noted to never speak/speak only a little often times. But I also happen to have a speech impediment (minor?) which caused me to get bullied at school, resulting in me speaking less and less with time. It’s hard to determine if it’s my speech issues keeping me from being more talkative or if it’s just depression. Also sometimes I happen to experience moments of increased speech, making people wonder if I have bipolar/mania but professionally I’ve never received such a diagnosis. Idk why it happens because my natural is actually a style of forgetting words and being rendered unable to even construct a simple sentence during the few times I talk with anyone. Simply put, just don’t associate particular speech styles with a diagnosis. Sometimes depressed people are the loudest in a room! 😅
A sense of hopelessness and abusing substances.
My mother ( she is late 80s now ) has so many issues but does not admit or see any of it. When we were little she would flip out and say she needed her nerve pills ( vallum ) Then in the late 70ties she discovered weed and it was a habit that lasted till 5 years ago. Before that it was wine. Now in her 80ties she obviously has aches and pains and she is on a prescription pain killer. Her doctor keeps trying to lower the dose and she refuses. She refuses to admit she has had a substance abuse issue her entire adult life. She does not see it. But my entire life has been watching her flip out without the d***s and then instantly calm down once she has them.
I learned that in romantic relationships when someone is very overly affectionate one day and then completely cold the next for no apparent reason, it is a sign they could have a personality disorder. I sadly thought this was normal behavior for a long time.
Wait what?!?! I just have social and less social days…right? I just thought it was a part of my ADHD… Edit: I may have misread this. I’m not cold/aloof, just some days I prefer to vibe and not talk and some days I’m really extroverted. I don’t think I have a personality disorder (hopefully?)
Impulsiveness. It seeps into every crevice of their lives. Whether in relationships, identity, decision making, money. They're literally unsettled mentally. Will drop people just as fast as they bring them in.
Incongruence in the emotions on their face and what they are communicating. It gives you the intuitive vibe that something is off and puts your on guard.
The classic case is the guy who comes to talk to you in the bar and be really friendly and smooth but their face shows flashes of anger mixed with anxiety and forced smiles that don't appear genuine.
This is what we call an incongruent affect.
I was talking to a guy face to face for the first time. he would do overreacting facial expressions that were copying mine. it was so over the top that I realized he's on the spectrum and doing his best to make conversation. like, he had been trained to react from flash cards. I ended up taking that dude to an escape room...he fing loved it. Yeah, figure out which game Egyptian characters on this stone tablet will unlock this dresser.
Lack of motivation.
Not that subtle but a lack of interest in a beloved pet is very concerning. This is a warning sign for one of my family members having a manic episode.
Or a depressive episode. When my mood is VERY low I'm convinced I'm literally poisonous/contaminated mentally and my pets don't deserve to have me spread it, and I don't deserve to experience their comfort, so I withdraw from them. (Their basic needs are still met, obv, better than my own.) It's a very worrying indication.
I work in the mental health sector and have my own mental illness(es). When you say "not quite alright mentally", I am interpreting it as also covering people who are experiencing passive or active s*icidal ideation. You need to have a gentle, private, non-judgemental conversation with them if: - They talk about hurting themselves or others - They often make cryptic remarks like, "Not long left now", "It will all be over soon", "There is no point in being alive", or make flippant jokes about killing themselves - You have noticed a sudden, drastic change in demeanour (ie. they used to seem depressed and withdrawn, but they are suddenly really happy and outgoing and making plans to see people they have not talked to in ages ... This is often a sign that they have created a s*icidal plan & date, so they want to say their final goodbyes) If someone discloses to you that they have been having s*icidal thoughts, take it very seriously. Don't panic. Ask about whether they have made any attempts, are planning to do so, whether they have anything at home that they could use to kill themselves, if anyone else knows, etc. If they live with someone, can that person hide the object they are planning on using to hurt themselves? A couple of pointers: Stay calm. Reassure them that you are there to help, not judge, and that you don't think they are a "bad" person for feeling suicidal. Give them your full undivided attention. Do not leave them on their own. The vast majority of suicides happen when the person is alone. If you can't stay, call one of their friends to come over. Fill in said friend on the situation. Respectfully persuade them to let you take them to the hospital and see a mental health professional. Do not keep the disclosure to yourself. They will need a network of trusted people to keep them out of harm's way. Always let them know that you have to tell a professional. Ask which one of their loved ones should know about what is going on. This should be a trusted adult. Some people's loved ones are dangerous/volatile/unpredictable and cannot be trusted with this info. Tell them about what you are doing; be transparent. There is nothing worse than making a s*icidal person feel powerless. If you suspect that someone is s*icidal but they have not said so, have a conversation with them and, if appropriate, *ask if they have thought about suicide*. Contrary to popular belief, this will not "put ideas in their head" - if they are depressed, chances are they have already thought about s*icidal, however fleetingly. Studies show that people who have been saved from suicide experienced relief and gladness when someone kindly reached out and asked them if they were suicidal. Also, call it what it is - s*icidal, killing yourself, etc. Don't say, "Don't do anything stupid!" Not only is this vague, it will make them feel ashamed and less likely to let you help them. Give *information* (ie. Where they can seek help), not opinions (ie. "s*icidal is cowardly") Hopefully you won't have to use this advice, but if you do, I hope it's handy!
A great deal of advice packed into this response. I once struggled with süicidal thoughts and someone telling me that I was being cowardly or selfish only made it worse. A comforting and understanding listener is far more effective than a judging, overly critical loudmouth.
In terms of depression: I know that my humour gets really dark and goes down the path of jokes about ending my suffering, or s*icide. You'd think that'd be obvious, but in my experience, people only notice it when they're really paying attention. I don't even notice I'm doing it nor do I do it intentionally because they're not funny jokes, but it just takes over. Once it creeps into my language, that's a red flag for me that it's time to get some help. Another one is a lack of enthusiasm about the stuff you know they love. Like if they don't talk about their favourite music for a while. When I'm beginning a depressive episode, the very first warning is that I stop dancing and stop listening to music. I've told my psych, if I stop dancing, I'm in trouble. Now he asks, "when is the last time you danced?" to gauge where I'm at.
I study psychology and everything can be a subtle sign, but some major ones are inconsistent speech, sudden mood swings, physical agitation (constantly shaking your knee for example), delusional ideas (in all ways good or bad ones), loss of interest in almost everything even things that the person loves, etc….
physical agitation (constantly shaking your knee for example) - i do this all the time. i'm doing it now. i went through a depression a few years ago, and am on medication for that now. my shaking of the leg is probably undiagnosed adhd.
Not always, but slight comments that are insults to their own character, a bit of self-deprecation could be chalked up to acknowledging how you act sometimes, but if it's constant and nearly all the time, then maybe check in on them. If someone checks in on people a lot, they might either be a worrywart, just care a lot about their friends, or perhaps just looking for a bit of help themselves, but want to make sure nobody else needs it, too.
THIS! I had a friend like this, constantly helping teachers with everything and worrying that he was being too bossy/mean as the captain of our sports team, and made self-deprecating jokes and remarks all the time. I always wanted to speak up and be like “don’t be so hard on yourself” but I had a lot more social anxiety at the time lol. I hope he’s doing better now.
My brother is very repetitive. He will ask you something, you’ll answer. The conversation around you will continue and a few minutes later he will ask again, maybe a little different. This will happen again and again, him asking the same question in a different way with long pauses in between, almost as though he’s trying to get you to answer a certain way. Eventually he will just get up and leave the room, dissatisfied. Sometimes he will text me days later, confirming my answer to the question. It’s so f****n weird but harmless. He’s diagnosed Schizophrenic.
They are constantly changing their groups of friends. They cannot maintain a relationship, whether it's a friendship, family or a partner.
My grandmother is like this, to an extreme. She divorced my grandfather, and would move/still moves all the time. My mom rarely talks to her anymore.
Lack of flexibility with plans- for me, I would get into an incredibly rigid routine when my ocd or eating disorder were really bad.
Could also just be autism. Which, I guess, is a mental condition that differs from the norm. But I wouldn’t say it’s a mental issue. It causes issues, sure, but it’s just a brain wired differently.
They study psychology...
Note: this post originally had 62 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
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This reminded me of an experience I had a couple months ago. It was supposed to be my "one last good day". My German teacher noticed this and when he saw me near the balcony ledge, he didn't call me out, he just moved between me and the balcony and attempted to make small talk with me until the bell rang and I had to go to class. I don't know how to begin describing the amount of gratitude I have for this man.
A large majority of these described Generation X. It's how we were raised. DO NOT BOTHER peope and your presence is a bother, we were raised to rarely been seen and never heard and just being in the house bothered parents and grandparents. The same descriptions can be used with someone who is disabled and living in chronic pain. Seriously one needs to look at the situations the person is living in before going all out on "You need mental help"
I would like to add something from my own personal experience. If someone has had a brain injury, be it a concussion or aneurysm keep an eye on their personality for changes. My uncle was in a wreck and ended up with a brain injury and within 6 months he took his own life.
This reminded me of an experience I had a couple months ago. It was supposed to be my "one last good day". My German teacher noticed this and when he saw me near the balcony ledge, he didn't call me out, he just moved between me and the balcony and attempted to make small talk with me until the bell rang and I had to go to class. I don't know how to begin describing the amount of gratitude I have for this man.
A large majority of these described Generation X. It's how we were raised. DO NOT BOTHER peope and your presence is a bother, we were raised to rarely been seen and never heard and just being in the house bothered parents and grandparents. The same descriptions can be used with someone who is disabled and living in chronic pain. Seriously one needs to look at the situations the person is living in before going all out on "You need mental help"
I would like to add something from my own personal experience. If someone has had a brain injury, be it a concussion or aneurysm keep an eye on their personality for changes. My uncle was in a wreck and ended up with a brain injury and within 6 months he took his own life.
