30 Friendship-Ending Signs People Should Not Overlook, As Shared In This Viral Thread
Interview
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, pandas, which means now is a great time to celebrate all of the relationships in your life, including friendships. Send your best friend a card, surprise them with chocolates, take them out for dinner and let them know how much they mean to you!
But at the same time, you might want to reevaluate any relationships that aren’t serving you anymore. And according to therapist Jacy Rob, LPC, there are a few subtle signs to look out for that mean your “friends” don’t actually have your best interest at heart. Jacy recently started a thread on X discussing some of these behaviors of fake friends, so below you’ll find her thoughts, other traits that readers chimed in with and a conversation between her and Bored Panda.
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Ok first off this is Reposted from an early Post of mine{you can look at my post for more}, cause I don't want to rewrite it. . . . . . . . my best friend almost sister-like, had they/them lover and they acted my friend but hated me, when my mom died, I was talking to my bf sis {over text as she actually lived halfway across the USA from me} and her partner start messaging me "I just heard.... HAHAHAHAH" and I'm like "what?" and they put "your mom died! HAHAHA" Im like WTH? text my BBF and tell her, she put "Well can't stop them, I don't want to tell them no" I'm like what? but they are making f**ing fun of my mom dieing, she hasn't even left! {this was while she was still lying 3 feet from me and I was waiting for them to pick her body up!} The partner messages again and says "She left you just like your real mom/ she died cause she wanted away from you" {my bio mom died when I was 7 protecting me from a bullet} ------->
Yeah... when it hits you that... you're "the backup's backup" - seriously - why would I be okay with this?
There's the exception if they're really in a ditch. Like cancer, death in the family, really bad s**t like that and you're constantly rising like the morning star. It's hard to celebrate your friends third promotion while you struggle in all departments. So this only counts when both parties have a halfway good life.
Friendship is a beautiful thing. Whether you’re still best friends with the first person you met at preschool who gave you a matching bracelet during lunch and shared their chocolate chip cookies with you or you’ve only recently found friends that you feel extremely close to, we all need some great platonic relationships in our lives.
Everyone deserves someone they can trust and call when they’re sobbing on the kitchen floor or who will go out on the town and celebrate with them after receiving a promotion at work. We should feel safe laughing, crying, being silly or even being embarrassing with our friends, and we should be fiercely protective and supportive of them as well.
Had a "friend" a while back who did this very consistently when she got "new friends from school" - then absolutely ripped me a new one when I DARED to tell her that i didn't appreciate being treated that way.
Yeah this one was rough. Some obnoxious dude tried to prove that my very personal experience didn't happen and my 'friend' defended them, I knew then it was over.
To gain more insight on this topic and find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Jacy, who is a Licensed Professional Counselor and was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda.
“Before 2023 came to an end, I reconciled friendships with some of my closest friends. I salvaged the relationships that were worth saving,” Jacy shared. “Being that my theme for this year is intentionality, it prompted me to assess friendships I’ve had the opportunity to experience throughout my life.”
“Sometimes people don’t know that the people they love and support, the people they recognize as friends, are either just using them or don’t see them as such,” the expert added. “People don’t deserve to be blindly taken advantage of. I just allowed my reflective thoughts on this to flow, and the thread was born.”
Or, if you're local, always visits you but never hosts you in return.
Or my friend, who barely ever wants to see me on the weekend, except when her bf isn’t available..
As far as why it’s so common for people to stay friends with individuals who don’t treat them well, Jacy says, “People perceive people and situations based off of their own personal lived experiences, culture and their foundation (which is their familial structure).”
“Sometimes these behaviors may seem normal, depending on how a person was raised and treated throughout their lives. Sometimes people genuinely don't know what a healthy relationship looks like,” she explained.
Now, this is different if you are BOTH joking and BOTH laughing, and they stop when asked
I’ve been stuck in the “I can relate to your thing and here’s how” whirlpool. Fortunately, a gentle reminder of “cool, thanks… but I need to talk right now” or something similar snaps me out of it. ADHD can get me stuck in a mental loop while trying to be supportive and yes… It’s caused misunderstandings on every end before. My friends thought I was being self-centered when that was NEVER my intention... I had to explain my stuck-mind to them and the ones that matter cut me off before they feel hurt. I’ve gotten better at recognizing myself as well now. I’ll even ask if they want a back-and-forth now, just to prep my mind and mouth.
To the introverts: an occasional smiley or meme counts! But if you only ever react and never initiate in any form, burdening them with the mental load of keeping the friendship alive, you're a bad friend. Even extroverts need to feel appreciated once in a while and can get self doubts if they're never contacted first. It's not introvert-exclusive to doubt yourself and feel insecure if the other one truly likes you or wants to be contacted. Just sent a 'what's up' once in a blue moon or you risk being dropped. It's the barest minimum you have to do if you want friends. An extrovert might be able to stay afloat and keep you in the loop for a long time, but sooner or later they'll feel exactly like you when thinking about contacting you if you never give them anything. And then they'll stop dragging you along. I have an introvert friend who puts reminders in her calendar to force herself to send a hello, how are you at least once a month to all her friends. We know she does it because she truly cares, and we don't hold it against her that the message is always the same. We know how hard it is for her and cherish her even more. But if you get absolutely nothing, it feels like throwing effort into a black hole that can never be filled. It's draining even for the extroverts.
But sometimes friends exhibit these behaviors for other reasons, such as struggles in their personal lives, so Jacy says assertive communication between friends is key. “Bring these behaviors to the forefront and communicate how the behavior is affecting you and how you would prefer to be treated instead,” the expert says. “A lot of people are still on their journey towards self-awareness and don't have a thought that they may be mistreating someone they love.”
We don't "humble" anybody with jokes. We call them (privately of course is better) and say to him/her what's going on.
My issue was I went to them for help, but then they’d get mad at me for never asking about them randomly. You could… I dunno… message me just as randomly if you need a vent? Why do I need to check on you constantly? Then when I clam up, they get mad that I never share! Ugh… She blocked me recently and I don’t even know why. Oh well.
Jacy also shared some advice for anyone who’s in a friendship where they’re not being treated as well as they should be. “First, I think they should be honest with themselves. It’s hard to recognize your system of support is unbalanced,” she told Bored Panda. “Don’t internalize other’s actions. People were possibly not mistreating you on purpose, and if they were, see it as a learning opportunity. Now you know what it looks like when people don’t have your best interest at heart.”
This can be completely normal and happened to me just last week. My friends were coming from a different direction so they came together. Another situation is if you have a car and some of the others don’t.
This one might be highly subjective. For example, I am very introverted person, even though I don't seem that way on the outside. I can be quite sociable with small group up to 4 people but larger groups trigger my anxieties, I simply can't navigate these situations. My close friends, who I can always count on in hard times, almost never invite me to big outings with their other friends because they know very well I'd be miserable there and would try to silently disappear asap :D
“Secondly, don’t allow this to keep you from making new bonds and trusting new people,” Jacy continued. “Leave your trust issues with the friends that were described in the thread. Good friends exist, but you won’t find them if you never allow yourself to take a risk again.”
I was born the day after christmas. No one bothers to celebrate my birthday.
Oh yeah, I had to shut out a friend whose favorite line when she did something obnoxious and pushy was, "It was done out of love!"
Stop being there for them. Hopefully, they'll move on to some other human crutch.
“There are different friends for different reasons,” Jacy added. “I wouldn’t necessarily say there’s a kind of friendship one should be seeking, but moreso making sure the relationship is reciprocal and healthy. We go through different seasons and sometimes people are only in our lives for a short period of time, and that’s okay.”
For me, I can’t always tell if I’m doing too much. I need people to tell me directly, fimly but also kindly. Had a friend who said he never liked talking to me. I literallally told him to tell me if I was annoying lol. If someone’s doing too much, talk to them privately, and say something like, “I understand you want to be friends, but right now, the amount you’re doing is too much. Thank you for understanding.”
“In every interaction we have, we experience people and those people can teach us something about us. For example, they can teach us our likes, dislikes, how to set boundaries, how to stand up for yourself, a new hobby you enjoy — the possibilities are endless,” Jacy explained. “The one thing to make sure is that the relationship is healthy and equally beneficial on both ends.”
If you'd like to learn more about Jacy or hear even more wise words from her, you can find her social media and workbooks right here!
Substitute the word "jerk" for "friend," and that'll sum it up nicely.
How about you invite them out for YOUR birthday, next thing you know, them are inside a crowded popular and exclusive night club while you are literally out in the cold. (You only turn 21 once).
We hope the responses on this list aren’t reminding you of friends in your own life, pandas. But if they are, please remember that you deserve to have friendships with people who make you feel loved, appreciated and accepted. If you feel like you’re a burden to them or you feel worse after seeing them, perhaps you don’t need them in your life after all! Keep upvoting the replies you agree with, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing friendship, look no further than right here!
Jealousy rears its ugly head in so many different ways, body shaming being one of them. It's just another form of leveling.
Note: this post originally had 50 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
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Half of these posts were about people who are not your friend and the other half are about you being spoiled and self centered.
These people are not your friends. They are acquaintances, nothing more.
Half of these posts were about people who are not your friend and the other half are about you being spoiled and self centered.
These people are not your friends. They are acquaintances, nothing more.
