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At a certain point in life, some things tend to lose their charm. Whether it’s following fashion trends, partying hard, or even hanging out with certain people, just to name a few examples, there comes a time when you realize that you have free will and you don’t have to do these things if you don’t enjoy them.
Members of the ‘Ask Women’ community have recently shared what things they starting noping out of after reaching 30. One user asked them what they stopped pretending to like, and the women compiled quite an extensive list, which you can browse by scrolling down just a little bit.
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#1
High heels. I’m not f****n doin it.
QueerAxolotls 7 months ago
I tried, once, for my friend's quinceanera. Fell flat on my a*s and nearly sprained an ankle (doctor said it was juuuuust mild enough to not be a sprain)
Nina 7 months ago
My feet and ankles really don't like them, not going to t*****e myself for hours just because it looks good
Noltha 7 months ago (edited)
Does is even look good or we were conditioned to believe it looked good? For me the extremely high hells look terrible and awkward. Or maybe, not the heels themselves, but rather the poor feet.
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LillieMean 7 months ago
I can't believe that in my twenties I was practicing wearing heels again in the spring after winter and I was so good at it that I could run in heels. Although my brain wasn't fully developed yet to avoid the dangerous things that running in heels entails. No thanks anymore.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
I always wore heels before I hit 60, they define your legs better. But that's an individual choice.
Michael Largey 7 months ago
I have never understood why anyone would wear them. Do we wear long-thumbed gloves?
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
They give muscles in the leg and perk up your behind. They were a given in an office, courts, and other places. I didn't wear them all the time, but they do sharpen your look. BTW, women did not invent them, Still a the Hun did, as the stirrup was also invented around then, and you needed heels to hold your feet in them.
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Bored Trash Panda 6 months ago (edited)
I loved high heels in my teens and 20s and could wear them. I still love them, however, my ankles and knees do not so i'll stick to my fancy flats.
RELATED:
#2
Socializing. It was always difficult for me, my “social battery” is extremely short lived. People just drain me, regardless of the setting and situation. I still tried to keep a network of friends and see them on a regular basis, but it was exhausting. After we all naturally drifted apart, I never sought out new friends.
I’m a homebody, with lots of animals, books, and video games. I don’t need anything else, so I’m finally embracing that and thriving.
#3
Other peoples kids.
Firstname Lastname 7 months ago
Unfortunately, that's when most of my friends had kids by, so the pretending has only begun.
#4
Books that I'm not enjoying. I used to force myself to read at least half of a book before deciding it's not for me, but who has time to waste on something they're actively disliking?!
LauraDragonWench 7 months ago
I've always been harsh on books, sorry to say. I'd give a book one chapter to prove it's not terrible. Though there are a couple I've read through to the end simply because they were so bad they were... not good, but still somehow entertaining.
#5
Live music at restaurants esp when it’s too loud. If I’m getting it up to go be social I want to chit chat with the people I’m with, not try and shout over what’s going on. (I’m a huge music lover and support artists and love to hear music when it’s the point of going out, but if I’m trying to grab dinner with friends and all of a sudden a guy with an amp starts setting up in the corner I’m upset. this is just something I’m a grump about and totally understand I’m in the minority).
#6
I don't want to be in noisy environments anymore because it gives me a headache. I don't want to communicate with people, I don't want to tell anyone something twice (I don't). My joint pains have increased, I don't feel as energetic as before.
#7
Probably realised this more around 35, but I stopped pretending to enjoy spending time with people I don’t click with 🥲 a lot of my husband’s friends are nice people but they’re not MY people, I feel drained hanging out with them. So I’ll still go every now and then, but I stopped feeling obligated to go for every single event.
#8
Fashion over comfort. Give me an elasticized waist or give me death.
LauraDragonWench 7 months ago
An elasticized waist and pockets, that's the hill I'll die on. 😜
#9
Dating! I used to make an effort to go on the apps etc. Took a break because of the pandemic, and then one year I decided it was going to be "the year" where I committed to finding someone; my goal was to go on one date per month.
I went on three dates and was so burnt out after each of them (like would come home and crash on the couch from having to be "on" so much), and finally I realized... why the f**k am I even doing this? I'm enjoying literally nothing about it. And if that means I'm going to be single for the rest of my like... then honestly that is completely fine with me.
#10
Staying for the full duration for social functions. I used to never leave things early unless I had somewhere else to be, and even if I was tired or not feeling it I would still hang around to appear polite.
Now? When I'm not having fun anymore, I peace out. I can get tired and overstimulated pretty easily even among people I enjoy, so now I have no problem calling it a night when I reach that point.
#12
After work functions. I'm a homebody, and I like being with my family more than my colleagues. Having kids means I can get away with saying I've got something on with them and no one thinks I'm being rude.
patricia patricia 7 months ago
I don't have kids and I don't need to find excuses to be a homebody. Also, I don't care if people think I'm being rude. My free time is mine. Full stop.
#13
Passivity, being a 'go with the flow' type of woman. I speak up for myself A LOT more now. I didn't let s**t slide, if stuff bothered me I brought it up, communicated. Just didn't care anymore. Let them think you're difficult, too modern, aggressive, too this, too that. They don't like accountability.
LillieMean 7 months ago (edited)
Girls are still raised too much to be nice, obedient and quiet. Such rules are just peer pressure from the ancient past. Give women of past generations a reason to be proud of you. Be independent, fulfill yourself and don't take bullshít.
#14
Alcohol! I never enjoyed it nor the effects of it. After 30 I just stopped drinking unless I really wanted one, not because it was the “social” thing.
#15
Male attention.
Michael Largey 7 months ago
Pay attention to her accomplishments, not her looks, and likely you'll gain her attention.
#16
Men and coworkers. I can’t care less and would rather be home with tv show or a book.
Lila Allen 7 months ago
There should really be some sort of socializing venue where you can wear jammies and parallel play/read/binge
#17
Being “chill” about things that truly bothers me. I speak up for myself now more than I did when I was younger. Also, SALADS. 🥗 I’m so done with them. I hate them. 😂.
#18
Sleepovers. I want my own bed and my full skincare routine at my disposal.
Kat Alison 7 months ago
I hate doing showers and other personal stuff at other peoples’ houses.I feel like I’m messing up their house.
#19
Investing in people who don’t reciprocate your energy.
LauraDragonWench 7 months ago
This, definitely. Your time is precious - there's no reason, other than societal guilt, maybe, to waste on unfulfilling relationships.
#20
I no longer stay friends with people because of history, or because we have mutual friends. If my friends have a problem with it, I tell them it's okay for their friends to not be friends with each other. I am pretty well done with putting myself last all the time so other people can be happy while I feel absolutely miserable. .
#21
Makeup.
StrangeOne 7 months ago
Once you stop wearing makeup, and people's shock and confusion die down, you'll love the feeling off not having to wash your face before you go to bed.
#22
Dressing for others. Or rather, trying to consider what others would think of my outfit. E.g. is it girl weekend friendly? Will this cause some people to think I'm seeking male attention? Is it conservative enough for my SO's family? Is this too tight / too loose, etc.
Now I just wear whatever the f**k I want.
#23
Being guilted into things. As soon as I realize someone is trying to guilt me into buying or doing something, I shut it down and walk away. It’s 100% manipulation.
WindySwede 7 months ago
Like someone takes an list of things their kid is selling, to raise money for schooltrip, to work and asks your colleagues to purchase...?
#24
Staying out late. I love being home at a reasonable hour.
#25
Attending bigger group events, aside from rare occasions. I’ve learned to say no more often. If I’m not feeling it, I’m not feeling it.
#26
Talking s**t about my body/ talking about losing weight. I used to participate, but now I just ignore the conversation until the topic changes. I got skinny a few years ago- due to depression and stress- and it took me ages to get back to feeling healthy again, which included gaining 10 pounds. I'm trying to like my body thankyouverymuch and I will not participate in this b******t diet culture anymore. I am officially too old for this s**t.
Kate Jones 6 months ago
I'm really secondhand proud of people who are like this. I still feel like I need to be self-depreciating as a way to diffuse anyone else's thoughts about my weight. I feel like joking about my size and trying to be funny is something that makes me feel better somehow. It's like Pitch Perfect when Amy calls herself 'Fat Amy' to the girls, and one of them asks why she calls herself that, and her response was, "Yeah, so twig b!tches like you don't do it behind my back." But I've been trying to build my confidence more recently and I'm refusing to make fun of myself. It's really hard!
#27
Designer clothes/items, i felt the need to impress other women and didn’t know any other way, when i got over the need for female companionship i found myself staying away from all the pretentious b******t.
Neb 7 months ago
Probably the only designed item I ever had was eyeglasses frames. And I chose them because they looked good on me, not because they were designer, I do hate clothes and things with big visible branding. I do have some sport/leisure clothes with some brand names, but I got them because they were cheap, and mostly wear them at home.
#28
Putting up with friend’s who are their own victims. I can’t support the behavior of always needing to be saved when they will go right back to relapsing, not saving money, constantly couch surfing. Let alone how they will treat me after all I’ve done. Yeah. No.
#29
Being nice to people that didn't deserve me. Swallowing insults and disrespect. Being "ok" with things that hurt me to my core. Saying yes when I really don't want to. F**k. You would think I'd have slapped people. I don't deliver these things rudely. Always polite or appropriate. People are SHOCKED when you start saying no.
Jen D. 7 months ago (edited)
Got into therapy and on meds which led to me developing a backbone. Started saying no and expressing my own opinions. Suddenly people are calling me awful names because I no longer just yielded to their whims. I'm quite fine with being called a b***h if it means I'm being true to myself. It also told me who my real friends were.
#30
People. I stopped trying to force being social with other people that i clearly didnt care about and knew that they didnt care about me.
#31
Women's clothes, for the most part. They're too tight or too short, too low cut, the pockets are infinitesimally small (assuming they even exist at all) and there's way too much pink. I'm far more picky about what I'll buy in the women's clothing department these days.
Tonyah Mcanelly 7 months ago
I totally get this one. I find shirts i really like until i get a close up look and its a crop top. No one wants to see my 50 year old midsection . not even me
#32
Changing myself to be a certain way for each person.
Finally got a therapist that made me dig into my past and helped me start doing the work.
Im finally starting baby steps to growing into speaking up, not people pleasing and accepting who I am.
#34
Small talk at family gatherings and being around noisy children.
#35
Fast food. The way it makes me feel is NOT WORTH the convienece or taste.
Emilu 6 months ago (edited)
I used to really enjoy takeaway food. Now the closest things I get to are the super super occasional Sausage McMuffin or pizza (there’s this awesome pizza place near me that uses fresh, tasty ingredients and is generous with them) and I go for veggie pizzas nowadays — mushrooms! 🍄
#36
Small talk about the weather and other useless c**p with the inlaws.
Also, shopping for clothing. Post children, it's more of a pain in the a*s than an enjoyable experience.
#37
Catch ups with friends who always want to only do what they want to do ie they'll take over and change the venue or time last minute- to purely suit themselves. Nope.
#38
My family dynamics.
I think I was mainly pretending to myself? I dunno? But I just saw more and more how toxic and negative it is, and how it had a bad influence on me. Both in how I was raised and bad habits I picked up/skills I lack, and overall bringing my mood down.
Lee Gilliland 7 months ago
Depends on the family. Some of my relatives are quite nice. The rest of them need to be shipped back to Russia.
#39
People’s company. I used to force myself to hang out with people who weren’t exactly for me and now I won’t even consider spending time with said people. I want to enjoy the little time I get outside of work and other stuff I have to do.
#40
Friendships that I don’t actually want to be in anymore. I had a few bad friend breakups over the last few years and i realized it had been over long before the plug was pulled. I just didn’t have the courage to pull it myself in the end. It was a service that the other person did for the both of us. I wish them well, but I don’t want to be in their life anymore and I’m sure the feeling is reciprocated.
#42
S*x with men. I realized I was a lesbian and it wasn't that everyone was pretending to be attracted to men, but straight/bi/pan ladies are actually genuinely into men and not just pretending to be polite. I stopped pretending to be attracted to them and started living my best gay life.
#43
Uncomfortable clothes. In my case it's jeans. I've always loved wearing dresses but I forced myself to wear jeans and t-shirt like everyone else to blend in. In school I used to have trouble paying attention because my jeans were digging into my skin and trigger sensory issues. Not to mention I hated how unflattering they look on me. A few years after I graduated from college I realized I never have to wear jeans ever again. I own a single pair of yoga pants and I only wear dresses now.
#44
Talking s**t about people. i used to nod along but now i shut it down. it’s not that there isn’t s**t to be talked, i’m just not interested in doing it. we all generally pick up on the vibes of a person or couple - we don’t really need to discuss in hushed tones.
#45
Friends/friendships that cause/start drama for absolutely no reason other than to be the center of attention, talk s**t about each other behind their backs but are all smiley smiley to their faces, are just fake as heck.
Also, stopped NOT doing things I want to do even if it means doing it alone. I've started going to shows/musicals, book events, city breaks, nights away and weeks away alone if my boyfriend or friends aren't interested.
I've also stopped caring about what people think about me or how I look (I think its more that I have realised that people aren't looking at me and judging me as much as I think they are). .
Lowrider 56 7 months ago
I use to always think people were watching me and judging me. I would avoid certain things if I thought there might be a lot of people around. It did influence my decisions. I talked to my shrink about this and he said "what makes you think you're so important that everyone is watching you?" It was my low self esteem and insecurities that were the problem.
#46
Bad food, I won’t make a big deal about it and try to respect feelings but if it makes me gag while eating it I’m not about to force it.
superfluous 7 months ago
You used to eat food that made you gag to not hurt someone's feelings? Yeah no
#47
Tolerating people pleasers who cater to a******s. I get that they have their reasons but I am so much happier having removed myself from relationships with people who do that.
#48
Movies with no/almost no women. And lettuce.
#49
Watching men play video games.
Glen Ellyn 7 months ago
I have never enjoyed watching someone else - man or woman - play video games.
#50
Going to happy hour. I'm not a drinker and end up just spending money and being annoyed.
#51
Late nights out bar-hopping or dancing in clubs. I never liked it but I tolerated it in my early 20's. Once I met my husband who also hates it, I never felt like I had to go anymore just to please my friends. I can't wait until they (hopefully) grow out of it too so not every gathering has to be meeting at a bar at 8pm before migrating to another.
#53
Unpopular opinion-- Friendships with women. Everyone is too busy prioritizing their SO's or their extended families that it all just feels forced. I have come to a point where if I manage to make genuine female friendships then I am fine with it and if not, I can do without it also.
#54
Eating raw almonds as a snack. Like they aren’t even good. I have been kidding myself my whole life.
What do you think ?
BarfyCat 7 months ago
Any standing-room-only concert is out for me. I'm too old for that cr ap!
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 7 months ago (edited)
The point I have difficulty with here is that a lot of these are written by introverts. Please remember there are extroverts out there, too. I get that you find us exhausting, but please don't put us down. We are what we are and had exactly the same amount of influence you did coming out of the chute.
Emilu 6 months ago (edited)
As an introvert I may have interpreted this differently, but I assumed that people were saying they’re sick of spending time with people they don’t want to, as opposed to people generally. (Mostly. I do seem to recall there being a couple of “I NEED NOBODY” posts.) My bestie’s an extrovert and I love it because she can make even the most mundane thing sound fascinating and I can just sit and listen. You guys can be tiring for us at times, but we still love you ☺️ I’m sure we’re annoying for you sometimes as well 😆
Load More Replies... BarfyCat 7 months ago
Any standing-room-only concert is out for me. I'm too old for that cr ap!
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 7 months ago (edited)
The point I have difficulty with here is that a lot of these are written by introverts. Please remember there are extroverts out there, too. I get that you find us exhausting, but please don't put us down. We are what we are and had exactly the same amount of influence you did coming out of the chute.
Emilu 6 months ago (edited)
As an introvert I may have interpreted this differently, but I assumed that people were saying they’re sick of spending time with people they don’t want to, as opposed to people generally. (Mostly. I do seem to recall there being a couple of “I NEED NOBODY” posts.) My bestie’s an extrovert and I love it because she can make even the most mundane thing sound fascinating and I can just sit and listen. You guys can be tiring for us at times, but we still love you ☺️ I’m sure we’re annoying for you sometimes as well 😆
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