30 People Who Purposely Stay Single Reveal The Reason Behind It And How Life Has Been Since They Made The Decision
Many of us are brought up on fairytales. If we're lucky, people say, we will meet a charming prince or princess and live happily ever after.
But if we're not, they warn us to look out for that sad road to the grave, where only cats can soothe our loneliness.
Still, I've met single positive people who are rejecting the belief that a partnership is the only path to a better tomorrow. And I want to let you in on a secret. They do not look nor sound like weirdos.
To show you what I mean, I want to present a Reddit post by user CrypticWeirdo9105. It asked, "Women who stay single purposefully, what's the reason behind it and how's life been since you made the decision?"
Whatever formula for life you're developing for yourself, I hope that some of these answers will at least make you understand that different people want different things and have different ways of going about it.
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I LOVE being single. My married and dating years were full of chaos I didn't create. It is so peaceful being single.
I got tired of babysitting men, so I'm just focusing on myself and I'm honestly the happiest I've ever been in my life
My mental and emotional state while single is far preferable to that when I am not. My life's been great, I have a condo, two cats, and the whole bed to myself.
Statistically, single women are happier, healthier, in less danger of physical violence, and live longer. Sounds good to me!
I’ve never been as happy in a relationship as I have when I’m single. I prefer the peace, not having to compromise on anything, the freedom. I can truly focus on my most favourite person ever - me.
You can make a mess and not have to clean it up. You can eat the same meal straight for two weeks. You don't have to wear pants. That is why.
I just got back from a 10 day European dream vacation, where I got to do all the things I wanted to do, on my own timetable, and at my own pace. I stayed in castles, slept in, took long walks in random little towns, and had the time of my life.
I am definitely the kind of person who, when I am with someone, will make sure they are having a good time at the expense of my own good time. I want to be a generous and kind person. Being single allows me to actually do the things I want to do, without feeling guilty.
In short, it's really great. I have a lot of fun. I genuinely enjoy my own company and my headspace. I have fun hobbies and I have more time to do lots of volunteer work in my town. I have supportive and hilarious friends who lift me up when I'm down. This life took effort to build (relationships, therapy, seeking the right activities) but I'm so happy with where I landed.
"This life took effort to build." Love it! A good life took effort, either you are single or not. Being single doesn't mean you are automatically happy or having a good life, although for me it makes my life easier. It's not a one-fit-all way of living. It's not for everybody.
I want to say it’s purposefully, it’s just that I am well past the point in my life where I will take any s**t from men.
Girl, Yes! Me too. I wouldn't even know how to be in a relationship now.
I like being single. I like not having to explain any decisions to anyone. Not having to text someone with updates if I'm heading out. Not having to compromise on the dinner I want because they want something else. All the little freedoms.
Plus, I won't settle for mediocrity. I want the person who I choose to date to be perfect for me and to be mature.
I agree. That's why I don't date as well. I can focus on my work in peace. I can travel anywhere if I want to, I can do more stuff that someone dating would be unable to do. Having to agree on where to go on vacation, or what house to buy just sounds frustrating.
I don’t ever want to build a life with someone and invest and be destroyed again. I hate being alone, but it’s better than used and abused.
OP, I got no clue what your going through or what you went through, and you likely will never find this, but I hope you're in a better place
I intentionally stayed single for about 4-5 years and it was a really peaceful and happy time tbh. Gave me all the space in the world to figure MYSELF out. Everything was about MEMEME AND ME!!!!!! Not what someone else wanted to do or see or eat-nothing, no one! I tried new foods, went new places, got into new hobbies, took some classes and learned new things-I came out so refreshed, I was actually adamant about not wanting to date again ever to be frank lol. But I met someone who fit into my new much more loved and secure life perfectly. and I think that's the key. Make sure you thoroughly enjoy yourself and your space first. That way you're never desperate for anything and arent acting based off loneliness. If someone comes or goes, it doesnt matter because your space is full of self love and appreciation for life anyway.
I guess you could say it’s purposefully because I don’t want to be with just anyone. I’m looking for someone I’m really excited about and compatible with
Same, I want what I want and wont settle. There have been few I could see my self with, but the feeling wasn't mutual.
Well I work a lot. Ten hours is nothing. I just don't have the energy or motivation to out and have dates and meet people. Dinner - shower- bed. This is my private life and it probably won't change too soon. Better like that. I don't want all this emotional drama.
I don't like men. I'm attracted to men because I'm a heterosexual woman but I rarely if ever meet a man I want to be friends with let alone date. The decision I made wasn't to be single, it was the decision to stop entertaining people I don't like which in turn has resulted in staying single.
I’ve been rejected too many times, never had a date, never had a boyfriend, never kissed and I’m still a virgin at 27, I don’t care anymore, I also keep falling in love with people I can’t have, I also lost faith in my dating life because I hate the way I look and how much I weight. I also like being on my own and doing things alone so this is exactly how I like my life.
I notice that when I'm in a relationship i lose my sense of independance. No matter how i try i always end up spending all my time with my partner, never doing anything alone, neglecting my hobbies and by 2 years in I begin to feel stifled, saturated and resentful.
Thing is, in realtionships, my partners never seems to want to maintain our own sense of self and have individual lives. They all want to be joined at the hip. Can't deal with that again, i have lots i want to do and I'm not putting it off or compromising anymore.
I also don't want to deal with people's quirks or have to compromise on mines so I'll stay single.
I was married and my husband died when he was just 36 and I was 34. I’ve stayed single for the last four years and enjoy it as much as being married…it’s just different. I doubt I’ll ever marry again unless it was necessary for some reason.
I lost my hubby after 30yrs and have been on my own since (12yrs), only thing I miss is company to the theatre or similar 😊
I love being single and giving in to every whim I have without ever having to compromise or worry my partner isn't having a good time. I love being lazy and impulsive and weird and ALONE with no pressure to please anyone but me. I watch whatever shows and movies I want, whenever I want. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however I want. Just in the day-to-day, it can't be beat imo
You know what you have the right idea on every single point. You go girl. And no matter what, when you are in a relationship, both people in order to have a good relationship, give it themselves, which means sacrifice. Maybe those of us who are single by choice, just realized that and don't want to do it right now. It's a valid, non negative choice! It's a very positive thing actually,it's way better than a bad relationship!
I noticed I tend to feel more lonely in a relationship than I do when I’m single. i love too hard and the men I’ve dated don’t reciprocate. It’s like they just don’t care. And it’s hard to find guys that are actually serious about dating me instead of wanting to be f**kbuddies or those “not ready for a relationship” a** dudes that wanna do couple s**t but don’t wanna be one. It’s just frustrating. I’d much rather just enjoy myself and my peace cause men play too much
I feel the same. I am a bit if an overcaring person. If i love you i will try to make you feel as happy as possible. In my experience with men the more you take care of them the colder they treat you. I would rather be alone than feel guilty all the time because i cant make somebody happy.
Reason: No matter what they say, every man wants a mother/housewife/cook and life is all about what they want and need. How has life changed since swearing off men? Bliss! Make much more money and have a much happier life.
It's just way too peaceful being single to easily give up. Not having to worry about another person’s feelings or opinions, knowing the goals I'm working towards cant be derailed by anyone but me… Would take someone very special to make me wanna give that up.
I'm comfortable. The last few times I've gotten out of that comfort zone, it's been chaotic. It would take an instant connection for me to willingly disturb the peace I have now.
Yes! Absolutely this. I have fought so hard to find my sense of balance, I guess you could say. My last relationship was so toxic, consuming, and abusive that I'm lucky I made it out alive. I fought like hell, and with a lot of therapy have a life that I am grateful for. I don't know if any person will ever be worth the peace i have.
I absolutely love being single! I value my peace and have high standards for anyone I let into my life. I do not want to 'date' for the heck of it. I have to come to a realization that it's definitely not worth it to compromise on the kind of partner I want in my life.
I guess the natural extension of liberation from "when are you going to have children" is "when are you going to get a partner/get married". It would seem that more and more people are stearing away from this (for a multitude of reasons) one too, or at least uuntil the right person comes along
I'm currently in a relationship, but I miss my single life every day. I was my best self when I was single. I only had my problems to deal with. I was able to focus solely on my self improvement and everything about my life was better. My mental health was excellent, skin was clear, and I was at my ideal weight. Now, I just give so much of myself that there is nothing left for me
It sounds to me that this specific relationship is the problem here, not relationships in general. OP, I hope you can identify what it is that gives you such stress, it doesn't sound like you want to be in this situation.
I'm waiting until I feel that I've really meet the right person. I feel like I'm just waiting for him, but I'm also not in a rush. I'm extremely happy and peaceful on my own, and it will take a very strong and kind person to change that. I'm not willing to settle this time, and I'm not willing to be with somebody again until I feel comfortable and safe with them, which has not been the trend in previous relationships
I generally dislike the emphasis placed on insular romantic partnerships, and I strongly dislike having to personally be involved in that headache.
It's overall great and I have no plans to date. Only downsides are single life being more expensive and learning as I age how many people I care about don't actually want friends once they have a long term partner.
We all learn that in the end we only ever have a small core of true friends who care about us and will be with us in good times and bad...
I'm my happiest when I'm single.
All my time, money, all other resources are mine. I don't have to factor in another's opinion when making any decisions. I can just pack up and leave to live in another country if I want to.
A truly loving, supportive relationship is hard work. I don't have the patience and the will to support someone through life at this stage in my life. I don't want to worry about someone, their wellbeing, their happiness.
I love living by myself and I can't ever see sharing house with a romantic partner. Most men are gross with their living habits. I've been married before and those years were probably the most miserable of my life so far.
Being single suits me and I intend to be so as long as I can.
Yeah, THEN there's the just living in the same space with them. Besides all the emotional and maturity and caring and gaf issues, just LIVING with the general "man" type means things are never the way YOU want them in the house.
The thing is that I have become very comfortable being with myself, I feel whole. That doesn't mean that I don't get lonely. But unless I find someone that will add to my life and make my comfort even more comfortable, I don't see a point.
I never liked the idea of finding a person that completes you, metaphorically speaking princess looking for a prince. I am a queen looking for a king lol.
Claiming you need another person to "complete you" is admitting you're unwilling to self-reflect and self-improve, but would rather blame another for you not being "complete." No. If you want a successful relationship, you need to be "complete" in and of yourself.
Got out of a relationship last year and it was my first true heartbreak. I’ve always all my life had a crush on someone or was in some kind of situationship that usually ended poorly…Being in my late 20s, I realize that I need to truly take this time to not only focus on loving myself, but also working on building my business from the ground up. Also carrying this grief from losing my daughter. I am not in a space to be in a serious relationship with anyone else but myself right now.
Well a lot of my reasoning is fear. I don't find myself attractive at all and I don't think any man would either even though I get that's not reality. But I rarely ever find guys attractive anyway and when I do usually they're out of my league. I also am scared of being vulnerable and I'm scared of guys just one day waking up and thinking I'm not enough. So overall I'm insecure badly and afraid of intimacy and vulnerability so I think for my own mental health it's better for me to stay single.
I really enjoy being single. I love being dependent on me, myself and I. I made a decision to stay single after a bad entry into the dating world until I was 'ready'. And I accepted that I might never be ready to fully commit myself to someone else. I treated an ex not very nicely (he also wasn't a gentleman but still he deserved respect) because I wasn't ready. (My parents modelled a very toxic view of 'love' that has shaped how I navigate relationships.)
I've had to do a lot of work on myself. I also had no desire for a relationship. I love my own company haha. I wasn't happy in past relationships. BUT I actually am considering getting back on the horse soon. I am on the cusp of being ready again. But I wasn't ever sure I'd get to this point.
I’ve been married and then in another relationship after. I’ve tried meeting someone on those dumb apps but finally quit. It’s to exhausting, so disappointing. What they say and what they do are two different things. I truly don’t believe in partnership anymore. No one has ever been there for me, always the other way around and I’m totally done with it. Plus I’ve always had to hold my own, in or out of a relationship. They’ve never really contributed anything useful or loving or supportive at all. So why do it. So exhausting. I’m at peace now it’s calm. So calm , no extra work or drama. My mental health is so much better which I cherish. Plus there is way more to me than t*ts and a**. I love reading everyone’s replies
I have a demanding job combined with often intense research. Quite honestly, a man would get in the way of me doing what I love and has deep meaning. I'm not risk-averse regarding men, it's just going to take something special to lure me away from a comfortable and rewarding life.
I had been jumping from relationship to relationship from 2017-2021. I had been in 6 relationships in that time, never single for more than 6 months. I had no idea how to be single. And since my last gf broke my heart, I decided to take a year off. And honestly, I’ve been a lot better for it. I feel more independent. I feel like I have a better sense of self. And I’ve had time to focus on a ton of other stuff in life. My year will be up Wednesday, but I do feel this year was really good for me
I just grew tired of dating and all the drama that came with it. I decided to invest in bettering myself and my career and I've been pretty happy. Funny thing is more guys seem to be hitting on me lol but I pay them no mind. I'm not willing to give up the peace of mind I have. When it's time to get back out there I'll know. For now, I'll enjoy my freedom and my tranquility.
I haven't found someone that I feel is for me yet. Mainly because I'm focusing a lot of my mental health and healing from a bad marriage.
I decided to focus on myself and my happiness, I have to work on myself and mental health, as well as focus on school. It's made it a lot more relaxed honestly.
When I was in relationships I felt exhausted and sad a lot. I do feel sad and enhausted sometimes while single but not as much and so often.
I feel good but it kinda makes me sad that I kinda gave out love and recieved very little.
I’ve never felt that connection with someone. I’ve always been sorta independent to a fault. It’s not that I don’t get along with people, I just get tired really easily. Plus I’m trying to find out who I am as a person and get settled in my career. One thing at a time.
The only difficult part is my parents wanting grandkids.
I'm single by choice! I'm not opposed to dating by any means, but I'm very happy by myself for the most part, and the rest is taken care of by my friend in my nightstand.
I'd only want to date someone at this point who really added value to my life. That is hard for me to find because I'm already quite fulfilled, but eventually I'm sure I'll meet the right person. In the meantime, it's very peaceful not feeling like I have to grind dating apps constantly or tolerate bad behavior from partners because I don't want to be alone.
I'm actually not happy being single, but I'm more afraid of jumping into a relationship just to avoid being lonely. I did that when I was younger and it never ended well.
I refuse to do dating sites anymore because I hate the idea of guys swiping on a hundred girls without reading their profiles, just hoping that one will match. (A male friend admits he does this on Tinder and Bumble.) Plus, a lot of dates I've had from apps just end up with the guy disappointed because I won't sleep with him on day one. If I ever meet someone, it will be because we were friends first and got to know each other slowly.
I experienced a very passionate love when I was 24 and I thought that it was common and that everyone in a relationship felt that way - then after dating for a while, I realised that it’s a bit less common than I thought and that a lot of people are in relationships for stability and societal check marking. I realised that unless I was truly in love with someone, I didn’t want to be in a relationship.
I know that affection grows in time when you spend long periods of time with someone but I don’t want to settle for a partnership of convenience. Putting my energy and time into someone that I’m with just so I can avoid being by myself is a waste, in my opinion. I don’t mind being single and I am comfortable in my own skin and life. I love the freedom to be the captain of my own life and develop my tastes and personality in my own way. Plus, I make so much more progress on his personal achievements.
I would love to fall in love again but I’m not settling for anything else.
I’m too busy right now in my life. I moved to a new city on the other side of the country a little over two years ago. Between the pandemic, settling in a new job and apartment, and trying to make a circle of totally new friends, dating just isn’t as important and would be too much of a drain on my time and money.
So far, all those things have been going really good.
Enjoying my autonomy to focus on my projects. I enjoy my own company so ai would be with someone only because of not wanting to be alone. I also don't have the desire to have children. A partner would be nice but haven't found the right person yet
I saw what my mother and grandmother went through whilst dating- my Mum found love but my Nan didn’t and my Nan is 100% the happiest out of the two and it’s at no fault of my Mum’s partner, it’s just the ability to do what one pleases, to find love within people without conditions and also to be able to have her dog sleep in her bed with her lmao
I decided to stay single after realising that I have never had someone put the same amount of effort into a relationship. Being left at home while he goes out for dinner with his friend after driving 40 mins to see him, guys who do the bare minimum, guys who 'test' women... it's all just drama covered up in pretty wrapping labelled 'this is what you're supposed to want'.
I'm happy with my own place, my own bed, my own time.
The pros of a relationship simply don't outweigh the cons.
I was with my last partner for about 8 years. The first several were pretty fun. Very happy. We were that couple that everyone knew would last forever.... Until that changed.
I've been single the past 3 years, and once I got over the pain of my marriage ending, I realized that I'm happier single, even compared to those fun, happy years together.
I have an incredible group of friends. I've known most of them for over a decade. They provide all the emotional intimacy I need. I have a dog I can snuggle with. And sex is easy to find-I'm a woman with internet access.
The ONLY downside is that life is easier with two incomes, but being broke is better than being miserable, and I just talked to a lovely friend about becoming roommates in the future.
My life is full of love, meaningful relationships, and support. There is nothing missing that only a romantic relationship can offer.
I have too many issues and insecurities, and it results in bad judgement and made me attract toxic men. I wouldn't say that my life is amazing. I'm actually lonely and wish I had an SO. But it's effective at shielding me from toxic/abusive relationships. And gives me time to work on myself and go to therapy.
Being single+independence=freedom. I'm a caregiver so I'm not entirely independent but I'm single and want to remain this way for a while so I can explore being myself before sharing anymore time with someone.
I had to realize one is never completely free. My mind and body require nurturing. I want to live in an apartment and pay stuff, so I need money. I have to prepare for old age. And so on. All we can choose is which cage we prefer. And I am totally happy being loved and loving on highest extend. What I do find important though, is to realize that the choice is everyone’s for themselves. So I would never judge someone for choosing different, or even question it, unless I have problems following their logic, but that’s out of curiosity, not meant ill. And once I understand, or we agreed to disagree I am fine again too 😅😂 So cheers, stay happy.
I wanted to be whole as a person. I don’t want to depend my happiness with someone else. I don’t want to rush into relationships just for the sake I’m not alone. When I’ve found the person that I want to get vulnerable with; hopefully he will just add up in my life and not my world anymore.
I’m currently single because I’m in a sort of transition phase in my life - changing my career, reevaluating a lot of my life choices, saving enough for a down payment on a condo - and I just don’t have time for a full-blown committed relationship. Now I was someone who was always in a relationship (didn’t feel complete without one) but now I see that I can be totally self-sufficient and don’t really need a man to “complete” me. I’m so happy single that I may just stay single for a while.
I get to focus on me without the constant worry of not being enough for somebody or being too much. peaceful.
Freedom, independence, no drama, my life is my own to take whichever direction I want.
Relationships leave me exhausted and miserable. They bring out the worst in me and always veer my life off course.
When I’m single, I’m happy, energetic, and motivated.
TLDR; relationships are too much work for too little reward. It’s not worth the effort.
Might just be my age demographic, older end of millennial, but I have SO much more free time now. I don’t have to plan, troubleshoot, and care for two people. Just me. The relief of that mental burden lifting felt so freeing. I’m still considerate of other people in my life, but not 24/7 any more.
Seriously, there were times I felt having a dog would be less work and commitment than having a partner.
I would say it’s purposeful because I’m not actively seeking someone.
I wanted to be a better place in my life before I start dating. I’ve been improving myself - lost weight, quit smoking, eating healthy, working on my career.
There are multiple reasons.
I've been in relationships and they ended in pain. I'd rather take a pass on that.
Relationships take more effort than I care to contribute.
I'm not sure what my sexual orientation is. Maybe I like men, not really though. Maybe I like women, not really...idk. I don't really fit anywhere and it's too confusing to figure out so I just gave up
Never been happy in a relationship, also seeing other relationships from the outside point of view is very eye opening as well. I've worked in male dominated companies and the way they speak about women or even their own wives made me also think that it isn't even worth it in the future. Its so much more peaceful!
I’m not closed off to it, but I also don’t feel it’s my time;
I am just moving into my own place next month, my career isn’t stable right now, and I’m feeling that I still have unresolved issues about how a significant other would look at my body that makes me not feel ready right now!
I don’t know if it’s entirely purposeful for me. I mean, I would love to be in a relationship, I’ve never been in one so I think about it a lot. I’m fairly independent and very much enjoy my alone time, in fact it’s pretty essential that I have plenty of time to myself. However, I’ve avoided dating because I have a lot of self esteem and body image issues and I know that could be a lot for someone to deal with. I just don’t think I’m worthy enough for a relationship. I’m not sure I have much to offer. But I do hope something changes, sooner rather than later. It’s a lonely life.
This one is soo sad. The right person will love them irrespective of their appearance (appearances/looks fade over time anyway). That OP feels they are possibly "not worthy" of a relationship and which, indirectly, is saying that they "aren't worthy of love" is truly awful and I hope they are able to reach out for the help that may at least start them on the road to being able to love themselves.
A combination of a desire to continue growing comfortable with who I am, and also recognizing that my mental health isn’t great right now and not wanting to project on someone else.
I love being single. Have been single forever. Inorder to partner I will need chemistry (attraction) and compatibility. Attraction is sooo hard to come by.
I just imagine myself with a partner and all the responsibility that comes with it plus the fact that I like to be quiet, alone and I hate saying cheesy things—> so the answer is no way. I’ve been focused. I feel like I only need myself for now, since I spent way too many years hating my life and my reflection, it’s time to give myself a chance.
Honestly, just ran out of energy to pursue dating, not bitter or wanting to be single, tired of it all, for lack of a better term. The dating apps and working up the energy to "be impressive"; if someone comes along great! If not, I am okay for now at least.
The last 3 years has been the best years of my life, and I am 47! Since my last relationship ended I decide to take time for what is really important to me: my son, my career, myself! For the last 3 years I have achieved so much personally and professionally because I don't have the drama, I don't need to be involved in someone's else problems that they can't figure out for themselves. Since I decide to be single I have achieved so many goals, my career has launched and I bought my first house on my own! From now on I am very careful about who I allow in my life, I don't settle for less because I don't need to. Been emotionally and financially independent is the most important thing in life, for women and men. Partnership are important but taking care of yourself first should always be a priority.
Ended a toxic relationship. It’s better to have the freedom to be myself and heal. (It’s better to learn to feel strong on my own, than to depend on another, and end up with codependency) Also, my education and career are exciting enough
Most of the people judge me for the way I dress, i don't wanna be with someone who can't respect my choices be it simply clothing
I never consciously made that decision - I'm just too selfish to be willing to adapt to being in that kind of relationship.
Got out of a relationship and is currently healing? and relearning from that so I can move forward as a whole person. I respect men looking for a partner enough not to use them as rebound for a broken self (even if majority wont give you the same courtesy). Its peaceful and painful as one doing shadow work would feel. Also knowing the new me post relationship. The things I learned from myself, from him, from us being together, and from us parting. Its humbling to become self aware of how little self respect you had that let you stay in the unsavable situation. But Im also very optimistic to know that it only gets better from here.
I was single for six years and I enjoyed it.i wanted to be so to work on myself now I'm in college,BF, and cat. There is a season for everything.
Just the highs and lows of a relationship are too taxing. Having been single for the most part of my life, it offers a great comfort to know I’m the only person to please at any given moment. I love the freedom it offers and I’m able to engage in a lot of interests. It’s great honestly.
I've never dated anyone in my life, it just seems like so much time you have to spent with someone you don't really know.
I was single for about 4 years purposely, mainly because I didn’t feel ready to take care of everything a relationship involved. I didn’t have the mental stability to have a good relationship and give a partner the love they deserve.
Now that I healed many of my traumas, without expecting it I found a really nice guy so the wait was totally worth it! But my advice would be: date only if you are ready, if not, better not.
As someone in their early 20s: freedom, peace, removing toxic traits, building a healthy relationship with myself first, creating my ideal lifestyle before letting someone in - this is all after experiencing the limitations of mental health issues + childhood poverty/trauma. Life's been great, especially after I decided to intentionally cultivate my current family relationships before seeking out a romantic one. Not as lonely as it was in my late adolescence, thank God, but sometimes it is a bit of a challenge when I crave company. Totally worth it tho. Better to be healthy first.
I’m doing long distance right now, so not single, but I’m enjoying the extra time to spend with friends and such. I’m usually the type to get wrapped up in a relationship, so this is a happy way for me to explore what else life has to offer
I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’ve dated before and I never liked it tbh. I’m still very young (in my early 20s), but I genuinely prefer being alone. As many other people said on here, it’s very peaceful and I like that. I’d be willing to get in a relationship only with someone I genuinely see myself with in the long run and that still hasn’t happened yet.
I have everything I need currently and a man would have nothing to offer me at this point. I'm just too comfortable and free and I doubt I would ever want it to change.
I do not trust anyone to be my teammate in that capacity after the person (who I thought was my person) was caught trying to stealth me (reproductive coercion). I voiced my needs about not wanting to get pregnant (despite being on BC) and having a hormone condition which makes detecting pregnancy more difficult.
They also started lying about any small thing for convenience of not having to deal with it. I did try to get them help for other issues when they asked for help, but they would not talk about anything except surface value stuff (I told them I didn’t need to know but they told me) to a therapist. They didn’t like the medication they were on but they refused to try anything else when I suggested changing things up with their doctor or letting them know they didn’t like it. I couldn’t make them happy. I was giving more of myself than I could give to be partner, caretaker, and also a somewhat functional person despite my own flaws.
It’s gone well. I take care of my own needs now. It’s still difficult, but I do work for one person and don’t have to worry about how much I’m messing up life for two people.
Ok, the first bit is a huge red flag- whether or not you're going to have kids is a huge deal so couples need to be on the same page but trying to get your partner pregnant when they've clearly stated that they don't want children elevates them to way beyond AH. As for the rest, it sounds like the ex had some mental health issues too. Sadly, the ex's type of response has more to do with the BS way men "deal with their problems by not dealing with them" (that whole "only women and children go to the doctor" cr@p) rather than anything else and as much as I'm sure OP wanted to help, this perfectly fits the adage "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink".
ATM, I am still heartbroken over the last relationship I had that ended. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to be in a relationship again, or if I will like anyone that much ever again.
Coming from me I have stay single purposefully for 3 years now because I want to enjoy life and I am looking openly at my options too .
Today’s relationship are praised to be toxic in the ways for examples ” you don’t wear that , why are you going out without asking me or having the opposite sex friends , etc “ and that just doesn’t go with me .
Not only that but i am just 20 . My first relationship was when I was 16 . I was off and on for 2 years with the guy and it just left a sour experience not to add I had “things” with people after that which didn’t ended great and it just made me realize I didn’t wanted a commitment. Besides I really want to enjoy every aspect of life. The hangout with friends , partying ,going to do stuff with friends without having to change my routine and time for someone else . That’s also one of the reasons why, I am just to brutally selfish to change my day to day routine for someone else . I spend half of my time to myself , family, friends and business and to add someone else it would be impossible . That doesn’t discard that I don’t keep my options open I do.I do go out to dates but if the guy isn’t really wowing me I just cut it and continue on. I guess I haven’t found the one worth to change my life or routine yet .
I got out of a 4 year long relationship in January 2021. I’m only 23. Was 22 when it ended. It wasn’t a good relationship. I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I was out of it, and it felt like the Stockholm syndrome was wearing off.
So even though I’ve come a long way, the idea of a relationship still feels like giving someone control over my life again. And I can’t do that. Plus, I’ve been having fun just doing what I want, and participating in the hook up scene.
I’m also in therapy. Sometimes I get sad, because I see other people who are truly happy in their relationships. But I know that I’m not emotionally there, and couldn’t provide someone with the commitment they need, because of all the damage I’ve got going on. I’m not rushing it.
Glad OP is getting help. It does make it exceptionally hard when your experiences of relationship, be it your own or others around you (in my case my parents) are so thoroughly toxic to avoid repeating that behaviour in the future. And I get the bit about seeing other people happy in their relationships and wondering what must be broken in me that I can't experience that.
I feel like I've answered this question fifty times, and I probably have.
I truly feel like I do not have my life together enough to be with another person. I don't feel like I'm at a place where I can be an equitable partner.
I also don't know if I even want to be with someone. I've said this for years and I've been single for years, so, I feel like I've made my choice. It doesn't have to be an everlasting choice but I just don't feel confident to one, be with someone, and two, to be in a couple where it's a good dynamic and a good fit for me.
I don't commit to things like I should, be it d&d games or just a routine in the morning, I never stick to things, and after I realized that I was getting so sick and irritated of everything that my first boyfriend did, I decided to break it straight to him and we had an amiacble break. It's fair to him to have a person who can't stay with him as long he wants to stay with them just because they can't do something so simple as committing.
As for how it's been, it's been alright, I just try to commit myself to things and not throw something away or stop doing it just because there's a small flaw in it. I'm working on it, but I don't think. Relationship is right for me until at least after college.
Been single for the best part of a decade. Over the last year I’ve been open to the idea of dating, but I’m really not bothered if I don’t find anyone. I’m happy just being me. The only thing that annoys me is that it’s so much more expensive being single.
Honestly? Find someone I genuinely like and attracted to. I also don’t want to date just for the sake of not being alone. In my experience most people are not that thrilling. I don’t have problems attracting anyone I wanted is compatibility that’s tough to gauge. I also don’t want to deal with the demands. Most men are too needy and don’t offer enough quality what they demand. I get it human nature to want warmth and so many prize sex but it feels like most just want living blow up dolls that aren’t affected by the reality of living. At first you get it but after a while you get sick of it since with many of them it’s a halfway street. They can be affected by the world but we cannot. And the purposely delayed maturity on many just because they can…ugh. And with women, I unfortunately have a type and being in the US, the demographics of women willing to date women don’t reflect my preferences. I’m also not willing to date internationally to try. At this point I’m just exhausted and disappointed so I just focus on taking it easy. NGL I miss the warmth of having someone next to you at night but the shenanigans of dating is not for me. I’m trying to recollect and process my options. What to do so that I do form the connection I want. Being celibate by choice is not as easy as one would think it would be but infinitely the better one to avoid being hurt and wasting time.
My insecurities, appearance, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, not liking myself and social awkwardness
I go through phases lol I don't see why we should all go through phase of constantly dating or relationship hopping
Too much heartbreak. Plus I’m not easy to live with so I’m really doing potential suitors a favour.
Not everyone wants to be married, not everyone wants to be alone. We are a very diverse species and should celebrate who we are.
Perhaps because it is more socially acceptable for a man to be single than for a woman to be single. Like how there's the whole spinster image for women, but not really an equivalent notion for men.
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I realised I was aro ace and was only trying to be in a relationship because I thought that was what you were "supposed to do". I'm so much happier now I know I never wanted or needed those things in my life.
Not everyone wants to be married, not everyone wants to be alone. We are a very diverse species and should celebrate who we are.
Perhaps because it is more socially acceptable for a man to be single than for a woman to be single. Like how there's the whole spinster image for women, but not really an equivalent notion for men.
Load More Replies... I realised I was aro ace and was only trying to be in a relationship because I thought that was what you were "supposed to do". I'm so much happier now I know I never wanted or needed those things in my life.
