“He Rarely Brushed His Teeth”: 30 Women Share Unusual Reasons They Broke Up With Their Partner
Interview With Expert
It’s not you, it’s me. I just think we’ve grown apart. You deserve someone better. I love you, I’m just not in love with you. I'm not ready for a relationship. But we should still be friends!
Breaking up is never an easy thing to do. It’s uncomfortable, painful and can often feel like it’s blowing up your entire life. So we want to be 100% sure that we’re making the right choice before we finally pull the plug. And if you’re wondering if your reasons for wanting to break up are valid, we’ve got a piece right here that might be able to help.
Women on Reddit have recently been sharing some of the most underrated, yet valid, justifications for ending a relationship, so we’ve gathered their thoughts below. Keep reading to find a conversation with dating coach Amie Leadingham, and be sure to upvote the reasons you wish people would talk about more!
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He prioritized his friends over me. I think prioritizing friends and family are important, but it got to a point where I was miserable. We were both mid thirties, and he wanted to go to parties and bars all the time to see his friends. We never had quality time together. It reached its breaking point when my aunt suffered cardiac arrest and was airlifted from 700km away to the hospital in my city. Instead of coming to the hospital with me, or even emotionally supporting me when I went to be with her, he went to the bar and got drunk. I didn't even get a text or call for 24 hrs he just disappeared. When I got upset, he said, "Seeing Dave is more important, he's my friend" I broke up with him the next day. My aunt died a few hours later.
Peter Pan syndrome. When my 60-year-old boyfriend told me (53F) the reason he had not 1 dollar saved for his retirement is because he is a “risk taker” and I’m not, I realized I’d have to support him for the rest of his life while he looked down on me for it and walked away.
Thank god for some forward thinking politicians back in the early 1900's (in the UK), who provided retirees with a state pension ... it wasn't much then and in real terms, it still isn't enough to live comfortably on even today, but, it is enough to get by on and live a decent if frugal lifestyle. Personally, and very foolishly, I am sort of in the same position, not because I'm a Peter Pan type, just that when I was younger, my lifestyle was extremely hectic (S&D&R&R) and, whilst earning bucketloads of money, I'd spend a huge chunk of it on funding my lifestyle. As a consequence, I genuinely believed I'd be dead before I was 45 so never saved, then I got to 45 and carried on. No one was more surprised than me when I got to 65 and am still going strong !! Thankfully I have a little put away now and my Wife (who is a planner) is happy that between my little and her large pensions, we will be comfortable in retirement.
I broke up with a guy because he rarely brushed his teeth. Like only 1x a week. It was so gross.
Yup, that's a deal breaker for me, too. Morning breath is one thing, but if your mouth constantly smells like an unmucked stable, no thanks.
To learn more about these underrated reasons for ending relationships, we reached out to Amie Leadingham, aka Amie the Dating Coach, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. Amie shared that there are a few valid reasons for ending relationships that aren't discussed enough.
“Incompatible life goals can play a major part in creating conflict between couples,” the expert noted. “It's not uncommon for partners to get so caught up in their shared interests and hobbies that they overlook the importance of aligning their core values. If partners have fundamentally different visions for their future (e.g., one wants children while the other doesn't), it can lead to an impasse in the relationship.”
HE WOULDNT LET ME SLEEP.
I’m a barber. I’m on my feet 12 hours a day. He worked part time if he did work. This man would stay up all night and expect me to do the same because he “missed me”. He would wake me up if I fell asleep or guilt me into staying awake with him. Looking back idk how I stayed with him for 6 months.
It felt like parenting. Like I was hanging out with a kid all the time. I was doing all the work, all the driving, all the planning. Like I was managing a child. “This ain’t my job.”.
Amie also pointed out that unresolved past traumas can have a significant impact on a relationship. “As the saying goes, ‘hurt people, hurt people.’ When a partner's unresolved issues consistently interfere with the health and well-being of the relationship, and they are unwilling to seek help or work on themselves, it can create an unhealthy dynamic that leaves the other partner feeling emotionally drained and unsupported,” the dating coach explained.
Incompatible cleaning habits. Seems like an easy thing to remedy but in reality different standards of cleanliness will create an uneven burden of domestic labor for the partner with higher standards, or create a living environment in which that partner is uncomfortable, or create a situation where the partner with lower standards feels constantly berated/nagged to do something they don’t see as benefitting them in any way.
I know multiple couples who broke up at or just before the “moving in” stage for this reason, and I think it’s a super valid way to decide you’re not compatible in a long-term domestic relationship.
They say that "food texture issues" don't exist and try to force you to consume what you can't. I wish I was joking, this is the reason why i broke off a past relationship. If I eat something with a texture that my body doesn't like, it can & will come back out (yes in the way in went in). He told me that i was "faking" and that i needed to get over it. I dumped him on the spot.
Ooh man… this makes me so angry. I physically cannot swallow meat and some other things, I will gag until it’s gone and often I can’t eat anything else after I get a bad texture because it puts me off.
They want kids and you don’t, or vice versa.
One person is always assuming the other is just going to give in somewhere down the line. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t.
But I think that if one person wants children and the other doesn’t, they should not remain together because one person is always going to be unhappy and feel like they gave up a part of their life.
I feel awful about this one. My husband already had a son when we met - a son he wasn’t allowed to see, as he’d effectively been replaced as a father when the mother moved on. As a result, he didn’t want any more kids. But since that was down to fear of something similar happening, we went to therapy, and worked it out, and I got pregnant. He was genuinely excited about it - and then I miscarried. Now my health is so c**p it’s unlikely to work out in future, and I feel awful for reawakening the hope in him.
It’s also important to make sure you’re staying clean and fresh for your partner. “Hygiene is a factor that can significantly impact a relationship but is often not discussed openly, as it can influence a couple's intimate life, leading to issues with physical attraction and avoidance of physical affection,” Amie says.
“Suppose a partner consistently neglects their personal hygiene, even after the issue has been addressed through open communication and poor hygiene habits continue to cause a persistent decline in intimacy,” she added. “In that case, it may become an unresolvable issue and cause the relationship to end.”
Video games are far more important than spending time with their partner.
I'm a very simple person. I dont care about gifts or having money spent on me. Let's go for a walk in the park, just spend some time with me. My ex-husband would find any excuse to not spend time with me. The most common was "gas costs money, I'd rather hang out at home." His idea of "hanging out" was him playing video games with his online friends while I sat quietly watching TV, but with the volume super low so his friends wouldn't be "distracted". God forbid I laughed at all, he'd get so mad at me for it.
When I hit 30, I had enough. I left and haven't seen him since. I'm in a much better place now. I have a husband and a baby. He loves spending time with as a family. Going out for supper together, going to the national park 15 minutes away just to get out of the house.
You don't have to stay in any relation that you're not happy in. Any reason is a valid reason to leave.
Him and his mother were too dependent on each other and it annoyed me.
I broke up with someone who had very conflicting interests and hobbies to mine and assumed I would just be on board with taking them up with him.
I like the outdoors. I do not like devoting every weekend to hiking.
This is an important one. There are a lot of couples out there (including myself) that don't share enough lifestyle choices, which results in conflict. Same goes for core values. If you don't share most of the same core values, you are not compatible. Edit: spelling
On the other hand, we wanted to know if Amie believes there are any overrated reasons for breaking up. “The idea that ‘we've grown apart’ is often used as a catch-all excuse for ending a relationship without truly examining the underlying causes,” she noted. “In some cases, couples may be able to reconnect and rekindle their connection through intentional effort, quality time together, and open communication. It takes mutual effort and intentionality to keep a relationship growing together.”
They wouldn't dance with me. Not when we were out, not as a gig, not even in the kitchen... Never.
Made me realise all the other things they couldn't relax and let loose about. Realised I have a silly side and need someone who can be silly and have fun with me too.
I broke up because *I* was planning *all* the dates and initiating all dates and affection
Needed more effort from his side and I’m not going to beg for it.
Good for you. The last time I checked, a relationship consisted of TWO people.
Having an awful family. I’d never want to marry a man whose parents hate me just for dating their son and would go out of their way to make my life hell.
Amie also told Bored Panda that couples often cite that they “argue all the time” because one or both parties aren't willing to be vulnerable. “Frequent arguments can be draining, but they don't always signify an irreparable relationship,” she explained. “If both partners are willing to work on their communication skills to be vulnerable, practice active listening, and find healthy ways to resolve conflicts, many relationships can overcome this challenge.”
I think bad mental health can be a big reason for splitting from someone. Nobody tells you how lonely it can get to be with someone who has mental health issues. It can take years for you to understand them & then eventually realise that you can’t help them until they choose to help themselves. This is due to severe unawareness around mental health issues I feel.
Don't worry, fellow mentally ill pandas, there is hope for us yet!
Because he farted all the time and thought it was sooo funny that it grossed me out so much.
He just wasn't that into me (multiple SOs). It took a while to acknowledge that I wanted to be with someone who was stoked to be with me, that it was possible and ok to hold out for that.
We were also curious if people often stay in relationships that aren’t working because they don’t feel like they have a valid reason to break up. “When a person isn't clear about their relationship non-negotiables (deal-breakers), it can be challenging for them to know when to leave, as they may abandon their own needs by thinking they are being too demanding,” Amie says.
“One practice I have my clients do is to imagine if they had to deal with a particular issue 10 years from now, assuming everything else in the relationship was perfect. If they say they would not stay in the relationship under those circumstances, it signifies that the issue is a non-negotiable and warrants leaving. However, if they say they would stay, it suggests that the issue is something they would be willing to compromise on and does not necessarily warrant a breakup,” the expert shared.
At the risk of sounding petty: they don't 100% love the way you look, even if they try to spin it in a positive way. I mean statements like "she's not beautiful but I love her personality and sense of humor" or "she's a 5 on a good day but I guess so am I" or "she's not what I'd consider my type but there's something about her".
I appreciate honesty as much as one can but in my opinion this is just depressing. Beauty comes in so many different shapes and forms. How can someone not find it in a person they claim to love? To me it basically means your SO is settling for you and will be forever comparing you to some kind of ideal you don't match.
Lack of communication skills. Even if accidentally, it can still cause a lot of friction if communication is non existence. Learn how to talk your problems out, instead of passive aggressiveness.
You know, one thing that doesn't get talked about enough is having different life goals and values as a reason to break up with someone. It's not just about whether you both like the same movies or enjoy the same hobbies. It's about where you see yourselves going in life and what you believe in.
Imagine you're super into traveling the world and experiencing new cultures, but your partner is more about settling down in one place and building a stable career. It might not seem like a big deal at first, but over time, those differences can really start to wear on the relationship. You might find yourself feeling like you're not on the same page about the important stuff, like where you want to live or what you want to prioritize in life.
So yeah, having different life goals and values might not be the most obvious reason to break up, but it can definitely be a deal-breaker if you're not aligned in those areas.
Constant arguing, especially if you’ve been dating less than 2 years. I think some people think fighting is normal in a relationship. And of course some disagreements are normal. But if you’ve been together less than 2 years and fight a lot I think that’s a sign of deep incompatibility that can’t really be “ worked” on.
I don’t know, I fought a lot with my now-husband at first. But that was all my fault, or should I say, my insecurity. At some point he’d had enough, and it hit me like a lightning bolt - that I’d lost him because I was afraid of losing him. So I begged for another chance. I said I could change. I said every cliche in the book, and he was understandably sceptical. But I did. It took a while, and he gave me leeway while I tried to reset my mind, but it worked. 5 years and one wedding on, and we rarely fight at all these days - sometimes to make up for it we have “fake fights” where we ‘yell’ things like ‘well, if you weren’t such an amazing person I wouldn’t hug you so much, dammit!’. I’m forever grateful he gave me another shot.
There wasn’t an insane conspiracy theory this dude didn’t believe.
The first one he told me: on our second date was around the time of the Miami Mall incident. He truly believed 8ft tall shadow aliens invaded the Miami Mall and the government was keeping hush about it. His further conspiracy was that the government was overrun by “replaced people” basically aliens pretending to be people.
The most iconic of his theories: Russia is going to hack America’s electrical grid and America will lose all power and basically turn into the video game Fallout where civilization will collapse and you’ll need to become a scavenger to survive. He had a go-bag for this eventuality and truly believed his backpack and Amazon-military gear would save him in that scenario. Never mind America’s electrical grid isn’t even standardized for easy hacking.
The one that broke the camels back and we fought: he truly with his whole chest believed in the “Curse of Oak Island” (a History Channel show). I could get behind the theory that there might be a treasure buried somewhere but then they dug up a Chinese coin dating to the BC and claimed the Templars brought it to this Canadian island. I’m a history nut, so this was just outright false. He was all “shun the nonbelievers”
That's more than just conspiracy theories, that is schizophrenia or paranoid schizophrenia
If they get in the way of your sleep. Or your food.
Honestly the maturity levels. I think a lot of women believe that they can bring their partner up to speed…but why should you take on that labor in the first place?? There were a lot of reasons my last relationship didn’t work out, but I have realized since that he simply wasn’t on my level in terms of maturity. I am someone who has no familial support network and didn’t grow up with money, while his family was incredibly involved with each other and independently wealthy. He had no self initiative and was happy to sit in discomfort until someone came and fixed it for him. I am someone who is very empathetic and I am always working towards improving not just my own life but the lives of those I care about. He was happy to profit from that and not support me in the ways I asked for.
I had such a tentative of a relationship. He would throw tantrums in public if things were not done his way. The last one was when we wanted to go out to a restaurant (where we usually went with no prior reservation) and found out the place had been rented for an event. A 38 y.o. man behaving like a toddler. Thanks, but no thanks; if I want a child, I'll adopt one.
I once broke up with a guy because I found a skidmark in his undies. Hygiene is incredibly important to me. The guy didn't smell or anything, but every time I looked at him all I could see was a dirty butt hole.
If you can't do the basic task of washing or wiping your booty hole correctly, I'm not gonna stick around to figure out what other nasty habits you have.
This is going to sound stupid but if your gut tells you that they are not fully invested in the relationship, despite what they say and/or do. I was in a six year relationship where I always felt just a tiny bit insecure about our relationship. There was a voice in the back of my mind that told me to put all but one of my eggs in that basket. Turns out, I was right. He said despite how much he loved me and taking all the necessary steps, he couldn’t continue our relationship. I was devastated but ultimately I was relieved because I knew my gut was right. I should have listened to it sooner.
I don't know you or your partner, and even if I did, no "outsider" really knows The Truth. This might have been a self fulfilling prophecy, though. You may have been right all the time, but you may have been so insecure you transmitted your insecurity to your partner. You felt he didn't commit 100% so you didn't commit 100%... I think trust is one of the bases of a good relationship, so if you feel you cannot trust your partner, the sooner you leave, the better. There's no point in staying in a relationship you feel it's not going to work.
They're just not making you happy. You're just not happy with them, and you deep down feel you could be happier elsewhere either alone or with someone else. They're a good kind person, a responsible adult etc but they're not "it" for you. This is often considered a trivial reason to end a relationship or marriage but it's such a BIG DEAL.
You should want to be happy and should want them to be happy too! You know when you're not happy. This idea that you should only leave a partnership or friendship because of something deemed "more serious" doesn't feel right to me. One of the hardest things is walking away from someone who is not abusing you, is really good on paper but it just NOT doing it for you because society will always shame people and especially women for leaving because of unhappiness. That inkling feeling underneath of "they might not be it for me", we are taught to just not listen to ourselves.
Those are two different things really. If you think your partner isn't the right one for you, then you should probably leave. But that's not the same as "they're not making you happy". People cannot "make" you happy. Happiness is a feeling that you have to find mainly in yourself and it's not constant. No person is always happy and while your partner should support you in unhappy times, he cannot simply change that feeling for you.
Not agreeing on where you want to live. I've seen people start a relationship while one or both was living abroad, thinking "we'll figure it out". But actually building a life and having kids somewhere far from your own roots, or just in a place you don't really like, is a lot.
Anything hygiene related
e.g. doesn't flush the toilet properly / doesn't use bleach and toilet brush.
You'd be surprised how many have this bad habit.
Doesn't wipe the shower/bath down.
If you're going to be filthy, you need to have your own bathroom.
I know someone that's otherwise outwardly clean, but he would be generally considered quite filthy given certain bad habits..
Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Any reason to break up is a valid reason to break up. If something bothers you to the point of wanting to break up, then just do so. It might be your problem, it might be theirs, but either way it's not going to end well if you stick around. Some problems can be worked out, but those aren't on this list, because those people worked it out and didn't break up.
Some of these reasons do sound a bit extreme. But too many of them are spot on.
Many are about not respecting your SO's boundaries (sleep, food, time...). How can people expect a relationship to last when you don't respect the other as a person?
Load More Replies... Together a few months. He shushed me while watching The Weather Channel. It was an update on a state halfway across the country and did not include any form of extreme weather that would be of interest or import. His reason was that I should never interrupt what he was watching ever. Basically, he was shushing me just to shush me to see if I would shush on command. Reader, I did not shush.
Any reason to break up is a valid reason to break up. If something bothers you to the point of wanting to break up, then just do so. It might be your problem, it might be theirs, but either way it's not going to end well if you stick around. Some problems can be worked out, but those aren't on this list, because those people worked it out and didn't break up.
Some of these reasons do sound a bit extreme. But too many of them are spot on.
Many are about not respecting your SO's boundaries (sleep, food, time...). How can people expect a relationship to last when you don't respect the other as a person?
Load More Replies... Together a few months. He shushed me while watching The Weather Channel. It was an update on a state halfway across the country and did not include any form of extreme weather that would be of interest or import. His reason was that I should never interrupt what he was watching ever. Basically, he was shushing me just to shush me to see if I would shush on command. Reader, I did not shush.
