“I Started Dreading Our Nightly Facetimes”: 30 People Share What Ended Their Relationships
Romantic relationships are often roller coaster rides. There are nerves and excitement in the beginning, a terrifying moment of letting yourself fall, then the routine ups and downs that come along with all of our lives. But no matter how long you're coasting along comfortably, a sudden realization or abrupt change can make you realize that it’s all coming to an end.
People have been opening up on Reddit about the moments they knew their relationships and marriages were over, so we’ve gathered some of their most heartbreaking stories below. Be sure to upvote the accounts that hit home for you, and keep reading to find a conversation with Relationship Coach and Marriage Expert Lee H. Baucom, PhD.
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My last relationship ended with her saying the words , " we need to re-home your dog." I have a 12yo Shiba , have had him since he was a puppy . That's my boy , Shiba's can be a handful , but she knew my dog is my kid , I knew right then we were done . Some people will get it , some won't.
I found out I was pregnant close to our 5 year wedding anniversary. When I asked what he wanted for our anniversary he said an abortion. When I miscarried 3 weeks later he threw a party for it. The irony of it all is that we got a divorce cause he knocked up another chick that refused to abort cause she was catholic and needed to be married to him so the child would not be a bastard. He is miserable in another marriage and I have been happily divorced for 6 years now.
If you don't want children that's one thing, but throwing a party for an abortion is really some distateful s**t
His mom kept saying stuff while no one was around but he wouldn’t believe me. Then she would change her whole story when even one witness was around and I looked like a fool. This has been happening and then his grandmother died. His mom told my parents that they should not come for the funeral and she also told me that I should not come to the funeral either. We have a custom as per which a new bride of the family first goes to a happy family event. Since no such event had happened in his family even 2 years into our marriage. His mom was of the view that we shouldn’t attend the funeral. She kept insisting on this point so we did not go. Then she started telling everyone we knew in common about what a s**t daughter in law she had and how s**t my parents were too for not even coming to something like grandmother’s funeral. My ex husband knew what had happened but not once did he call his mother out. Instead he said if I keep saying such things then it would be very difficult for us to live together which in my dictionary means he basically threatened me with a divorce. No one says such things without meaning it. So I knew in my head I was going to get divorced. Just gave myself more than a year to be mentally prepared for it. Once I was mentally ready I straight up told him I wanted a divorce after a heated argument. He was in shock because most Indian women don’t ever ask for divorce and keep dealing with the in laws bs all their lives. Its expected of us like breathing is expected of humans. That family can go all f**k themselves.
Well done OP for standing up to that nightmare - and to anyone standing up to oppressive family now If your partner won't back you then back yourself out of there. You deserve so very much better ❤️
To gain more insight on how we typically realize that our relationships must come to an end, we reached out to therapist and creator of Save the Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. "For many people, the end of a relationship sneaks up on them. Mostly, because the more disconnected you become, the less you notice the relationship," the expert explained.
"But there is often a proverbial straw that breaks the relationship’s back. There is some point that the disconnection becomes so obvious and so painful, you can’t un-see it," Dr. Baucom continued. "And for many people, that moment is crushing — to their heart, their hopes, and the relationship."
When I realized that I am happier when he isn’t around.
When your anxiety levels start to creep up when you’re about to be around him
I looked up one day and realized I'd spent 5 years trying to help him stop drinking, and he'd spent 5 years finding better ways to hide his drinking from me.
Alcoholism is a horrible f*****g disease.
I walked away from a guy I (almost?) had a relationship with due to the same issue. He did the same of lying to me that he’s sober all the while drinking without telling me. If you can’t value a loved one and a relationship over alcohol, it’s clear as day that you’ve got a serious addiction.
When he demanded that I get one of my friends to f**k him if I wasn't going to do it myself.
He'd been back home, from an out-of-town job, for barely half an hour. We'd been apart maybe two weeks. I was on my period and flooding *heavily*, which I had already told him. But he demanded to get laid anyway.
It turned out I had a uterine tumor, but I didn't know that at the time. I only knew my periods were hell. And so did he. He was there when I bled through two overnight pads onto our friends' white wool sofa in front of an entire Super Bowl party. He was there when my pain was so bad I cried and sobbed and panted and threw up for an hour, and all he did was go back to bed.
He knew something was genuinely wrong, but he didn't care beyond how it interfered with him getting his d**k wet. My pain and suffering were irrelevant to him, and "get one of your friends to f**k me, then!" was the moment I was finally so shocked I let myself acknowledge it.
It was the moment I saw with complete clarity that his selfishness was both total and insurmountable. It was the moment I realized he didn't, and indeed probably couldn't, love me.
So I said, "That's it. I'm done. This is over." And I picked up my bag and walked out the door with only the clothes on my back, and never went back.
When someone does realize that it's time for their relationship to come to an end, Dr. Baucom recommends taking some time to gather their thoughts before immediately speaking to their partner. "First, many times when people think a relationship needs to end, it is in a moment of pain and hurt," the therapist shared. "That is rarely the best time to talk. It is more reactive than responsive, more emotional than processed. And there are plenty of times that someone has an initial reaction that the relationship needs to end, when they then realize the relationship needs to change — if possible."
The doctor says, “I think you have stomach cancer. I want to scope your stomach at 5:00 am.” I was terrified. I just went home and sat stunned on the couch with the dogs for hours until she got home from work.
She gets home. I ask her to sit down. I tell her what the doctor said. I say that I’ll need her to take off work the next day because i won’t be able to drive afterwards and I need her to drive me.
“But I don’t want to miss work,” she says.
That’s the exact moment I knew our marriage was over.
My mom retired from teaching to take care of my dad when he was sick. Years before that, he spent ten days sitting in a hospital while she had pancreatitis. This is what you do when you love someone.
When she wasn’t the first person I wanted to share the good and bad news from my day with anymore.
I'd just come home from another 12 hour shift at work. The baby's diaper was dirty, the house was a mess, the sink was stacked with dishes, and my ex was goofing around on the computer like always. I remember thinking, as I grabbed the baby and changed his diaper, "I can't wait until [ex] leaves for his business trip, he's no f**king help, it's easier to do this alone and not have him AND the baby messing things up." Lightbulb moment: IT'S EASIER TO DO THIS ALONE. Anyway, I was changing the baby, and Ex snuck up behind me and grabbed my ass. He always did that, even after I told him not to. While he was on his trip, I researched marriage counselors. We went to an intake session, voiced our frustrations with the housework (me) and lack of sex (him), and went home. On the drive home, he said, "If we divorce, we can still sleep together casually, right?" And we're done here! Separated within a month, and he never got any from me again. (Happy ending: stayed single for a few years, it was fun, reconnected with an old friend, fell in love and married him, he is kind and respectful and we take good care of each other)
"Second, when people don’t take a bit of time to process, they often cause more hurt than is necessary, affecting any future relationship (co-parenting together, for example), and causing more psychological pain than is necessary," Dr. Baucom continued. "Not to mention, it almost always causes an unnecessary amplification of the conflict. You both end up more angry than is necessary."
"Third, for every story where someone 'knew' it was over, there are others where they felt the same, then found a way to a better, healed relationship," the expert added. "Reacting in the moment is never necessary, and sure can create more chaos than is necessary."
When i realized i was the only one planning our future and he was just there riding along with whatever i came up with. It felt very lonely and exhausting. I wanted a life partner that could help lead the way and carry the load with me.
It boggles my mind that grown adults do not have this mindset, like literally the ones that would blow their whole paycheck on junk and forgot they have kids and bills
When the things they did didn’t make me mad anymore. I just didn’t care. At all. So it was easy to walk away.
When our power was shut off but he had just purchased a new “fun” car for himself-three weeks after totaling his other “fun” car. I had no idea we were so behind on the bills because he insisted on always being in charge of finances since I “just stayed home and didn’t work”. I opened up my own bank account the next day and put 20 dollars he had given me for groceries in it. Started cleaning houses during the day while my mom watched my kids. Left six months later.
When it's clear that the relationship cannot be repaired, however, Dr. Baucom says that speaking to your partner both lovingly and clearly is the key. "Being honest without attacking can go a long way in being clear about your intention," he explained. "But it allows for a parting under more kind feelings. If you have shared love in the past, it is sad to torch that past when the love is no longer there. You can avoid blame, but still be clear of your need to end. There is never a winner in a race to being the bigger victim."
I got pregnant right when our marriage started going to s**t. We had been together for six years and then married for seven. I waited to even think about having children, and I should have gotten back on birth control a couple of months prior but Felt like I had things under control in that department. Well, surprise!! Anyway, when he left me in the hospital after having just given birth and told me he be back in a little while because he had gotten his vehicle stuck and needed to go have it towed (something along these lines). I knew that I was not going to see him again, he left me in the hospital with a brand new baby. Thank God his sister came down and she drove me and the baby home. I didn’t see him again until the baby was like nine days old. For the record, the “baby” is an 18 year old college freshman and I could not imagine my life without him. So, for all that heartache, I got the best gift of my life!
When I woke up three days post surgery — there had been a cancer scare and complications — I whispered to my husband. “Could you get me some ice chips?” Mind you, I had not been out of bed or eating/drinking, much less awake. He said, stone-faced, “get them yourself.” Not at that moment, but when I processed it later, I knew I could not grow old and be vulnerable with him. Years later, his excuse was that he had just been on the phone with his mother.
"As is true in pretty much any human encounter, we are always better for treating others as we would want to be treated," Dr. Baucom added. "Not how we were treated, or treating them in a way to make a point. But the way we want to be treated. If we live that out, the most difficult communications find the best path they can."
If you'd like to gain more insight on relationships on your own marriage from the expert, be sure to visit Dr. Baucom's website Save the Marriage.
I deployed to Iraq and my first paycheck with extra pay hit our account about 2 weeks later. He turned around and spent $250 on cigars. He was unemployed on purpose and we had no children. But because of him, we were broke AF. I canceled his card, took over the account, paid all bills and filed for divorce after I got back.
When I realized I did not like the person I had become in the relationship.
When we were in a counseling session, and the counselor asked me why I was so unhappy. I said it felt like I was the one to have to make the adjustments, compromises and sacrifices, our entire marriage. While my exH refused to give up anything.
She said that was a powerful statement but probably not accurate, then turned to my ex and asked how he felt about what I said. He just shrugged and said, she’s right. I didn’t feel the need to sacrifice anything. And she always gave in.
No apologies. No offer to make changes. Just said it would be more of the same.
I was done.
My ex would taunt me with the idea that he would have proposed had I not (insert latest error on my part here). It really hurt as he knew how important marriage was to me. Then I heard via a friend that he actually was intending to propose during our upcoming summer holiday and I just felt dread. I finished it that weekend.
When he gave me an STD after 16 yrs of marriage, then blamed me!
When my oldest daughter asked me why daddy and I hated each other. I didn’t think our problems affected her up until that point and I knew I couldn’t let her grow up in that kind of home.
do not stay together for the sake of the children. They know. And will be much happier if the parents are happily divorced rather than unhappily married.
When she told me to stop trying to control her for asking her to stop drinking and driving
She had a car accident a few hours later and almost died
I don't care if you're irresponsible with your own life but when you drink and drive you put others at risk and the fact a 24 year old had to be told not to do that was shocking
The words still resonate in my head. "Either you move out or I'm moving out, I haven't loved you for the past year" My first thought was wait that was all fake! as I thought about all we had done together over the past year. I moved out and she filed and finalized a divorce. 3 months after the divorce was final she was at my door crying and saying she wanted to get back together because apparently the guy she had been having an affair with wasn't that great after all. Nope, but thanks for ripping all the scabs off my slowing healing wounds from this. Those we dark days as we had been together 9 years total and married for 7.
Some things and people you should never, never ever take back...
When she told me she cheated on me.
There's a lot I can forgive, or at least decide it's not a deal breaker, but cheating is one of the lines where crossing it is an instant one. Even if she was drunk, I don't care, because it wasn't just one mistake. It was a series of stupid mistakes.
She went to a house party with a few friends and got tipsy. Then she started to flirt with another guy. Then she continued to flirt with him for an hour. Then she went upstairs and made out with him, then slept with him.
"I was drunk," isn't an excuse.
We went to counselling. First session was productive...we were given "homework."
The second session the counselor asked how we did. When it was discovered she didn't do her "homework" the counselor called her out on it.
We left her office and she said "I don't want to do counselling anymore."
That was when I knew.
When my ex would state 10 seconds into every argument (which became more frequent) that "maybe we don't belong together".
I think it was her way of guilting me into ending the argument and switching to comforting/assuring her, but one time she said it and I was just like "well, maybe you're right"
I knew right then that we were done, there was no walking that back, and I felt so much relief.
Ex (whenever we were fighting): do you want me to leave you? Me (after him saying things like he wants to have s_x with me regardless of if I want it too): no, I think *I* want to leave *you*. Ex: *surprised Pikachu face*
Me and my boyfriend were long distance towards the end, so I’d say when I started dreading our nightly facetimes and realized I enjoyed my personal time way more than talking/hanging out with him. Harsh, but true.
When I couldn't pass my licence exam and was really upset and he said "haha loser!"
I started getting busier and busier, and as time passed I realized it started feeling like a chore to text or talk to him. I realized I wasn’t as invested in what he had to say anymore.
hmmm i don't know people who feel the need t talk to their partner everyday day like a routine makes it miserable on themselves.... Like my partner and i have been together for 8 years and we only call when we feel like it and have energy to put in to the conversation. Otherwise it's pointless and can be stressful. If you don't talk everyday you actually do miss them and feel the need to call and thats when it counts ;)
When I realized most of the relationship was built on lies to make me like her.
Note: this post originally had 51 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
When my boyfriend at the time was visibly in love with another girl, spent hours a day sending her messages on facebook that I only found out about after catching him quickly closing his laptop repeatedly when entering the room, treated me like s**t the entire time and then when I confronted him after I broke into his facebook and read the messages he had the gall to say "All of this wouldn't have been such an issue if you hadn't found out".
Seems like a narcissist to me. Can't take responsibility for their own actions, nothing is ever their fault, always blames someone else. I hope you find someone better, who makes you happy.
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When she told me in explicit detail how much better the guy she was cheating on me with. And then got engaged to be married. To a third guy. Or the next relationship, when she admitted that she was deliberately pushing me to commit suicide? That's a pretty clear indication the relationship is over.
wait "he was deliberately pushing me to commit suicide"????? HOLY CTHULU CRACKERS
Load More Replies... When my boyfriend at the time was visibly in love with another girl, spent hours a day sending her messages on facebook that I only found out about after catching him quickly closing his laptop repeatedly when entering the room, treated me like s**t the entire time and then when I confronted him after I broke into his facebook and read the messages he had the gall to say "All of this wouldn't have been such an issue if you hadn't found out".
Seems like a narcissist to me. Can't take responsibility for their own actions, nothing is ever their fault, always blames someone else. I hope you find someone better, who makes you happy.
Load More Replies... When she told me in explicit detail how much better the guy she was cheating on me with. And then got engaged to be married. To a third guy. Or the next relationship, when she admitted that she was deliberately pushing me to commit suicide? That's a pretty clear indication the relationship is over.
wait "he was deliberately pushing me to commit suicide"????? HOLY CTHULU CRACKERS
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