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30 People Share “Social Customs” That Are Outdated, Toxic And Should Be Retired
In some areas, the world can change very fast but in others, it can lag behind. It sounds cliché, I know, but it's true.
Whether we're talking about the Western World or any other place, each society has its own problems and shortcomings. Discussing these delicate subjects isn't easy, either. Emotions can heat up such arguments very fast.
But it looks like Twitter user @ewgraiam found a way to get people together for a civilized chat: they asked nicely and offered a microphone. Turns out, it was all they needed to talk in peace about all the cultural things that could be changed to make the world a better place.
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According to one study, published in Nature Human Behaviour, people tend to copy other people's choices, even when they know that those people did not make their choices freely, and when the decision does not reflect their own actual preferences. That's how powerful social norms can be.
Imagine you have witnessed a man rob a bank but then he gives the stolen money to an orphanage. Do you call the police or leave the robber be, so the orphanage can keep the money?
Researchers posed this moral dilemma to 150 participants recruited online in their first experiment. But before people made their choice, the researchers also presented information about how similar participants in a previous experiment had imagined acting during this scenario.
Tipping is Ok as long as it represents your appreciation for how will the server did. It should not be your mandatory contribution to the income of a worker because their boss can't be arsed to pay them a decent wage.
"Half of our participants were told that most other people had imagined reporting the robber. The remaining half were told that most other people had imagined not calling the police," Campbell Pryor and Piers Howe, the co-authors of the study, said.
"Crucially, however, we made it clear to our participants that these norms did not reflect people's preferences. Instead, the norm was said to have occurred due to some faulty code in the experiment that randomly allocated the previous participants to imagining reporting or not reporting the robber."
However, the participants followed the social norms of the previous people, even though they knew they were entirely arbitrary and did not reflect anyone's actual choices.
I remember as a child my mother whipping me until I was covered in big red welts all over my arms and legs because she was told by a neighbour that I was in a house that was being built with some other kids and we made a big mess. I screamed at that it wasn't me and that I was at another friend's house all afternoon but she wouldn't listen. After she had finished with me I ran out to my friends house and asked her mother to tell my mother that I was with them. She did. She explained that the girl the neighbour saw was the back of another girl who had the same hair as me long and brown and was around the same age. All my mother said was "oh, well that's alright then". She never apologised or said anything else. I was in real pain for days afterwards. But she really didn't care. day
"A series of subsequent experiments, involving 631 new participants recruited online, showed that this result was robust. It held over different participants and different moral dilemmas. It was not caused by our participants not understanding that the norm was entirely arbitrary," the researchers explained.
Whether or not this is a good thing largely depends on the situation. For instance, social norms are being used to encourage pro-social behavior and have been successfully used to promote healthy eating, increase attendance at doctor appointments, reduce tax evasion, increase towel reuse at hotels, decrease long-term energy use, and increase organ donor registrations.
Boys will be boys is meant to be a light-hearted acceptance of boys immediately getting mud all over their new trousers, and stuff like that. Anyone who uses it to excuse boys inappropriate behaviour is an idiot.
The customer is rarely right and is usually an idiot. I told all my staff the moment I became manager "you are not paid to take abuse, refer them to me and i'll kick them out, i'm a salaried manager and I'M paid to deal with that nonsense, not you".
If it's Gods will for kids to suffer and die of starvation, cancer etc then God is a f*****g Sadist. I HATE it when people say s**t like that, heard it many times after an ectopic pregnancy.
studied psychology & behavioral science in college so learned many 'disciplines' in those fields. while i am not a fan of freud, one thing he did write that i totally agree with is this: "the greatest injustice we do to our children is not to teach them the power of sex". just because a parent(s) are uncomfortable talking about sex doesn't mean that their children don't need to know about it at a fairly early age. this would not only protect them but also make them understand that they need to respect their body as well as others and to prepare them to be responsible when it comes to sex. stop teaching people to be ashamed of the what is a biological act and calling it something dirty.
I actually like the idea of school uniforms. All schools in Australia have their own uniforms and we almost never hear about the incidences mentioned above. We mainly hear about private schools and the fact many of them require girls to wear skirts, NO pants. That should definitely change.
I have always taught my children to respect their elders, BUT I have also taught my children that just because they are an elder doesn't make them right. You can disagree with them but be respectful in your manner and words and if they get upset, scream at you or say derogatory things you are well within your rights to walk away.
My husband's former boss would not hire anyone with facial tattoos or piercings (hair he didn't care about so much.) His reasoning was that some of his senior citizen customers might feel uncomfortable around them. I could see that...but at the same time...just because they got those done doesn't make them bad people or workers. I can understand it being unnerving.
Netherlands: "Working 38 hours per week is too stressful and leaves us with almost no free time. We're switching to 30 hours per week."
My mother once chewed out my oldest brother for not giving our Grandmother a hug and kiss. She was dying from a rare blood cancer and was down to 90 lbs. It's scary for a 9 year old to see that and no one ever sat down with him to explain what was going on with her. He reluctantly gave her a hug and kiss and ran out of the room. It made my Grandmother cry. I don't think he ever got over the guilt of how she cried. I told him several times that it was not his fault.
Actually...most of the commercials I see have people sacked out and sleeping.
I was super impressed by my husband's aunt when her teenage son discussed politics with her. She disagreed with him, but ever so respectfully. She calmly and firmly gave her rebuttals. My parents would have pretty much told me to shut up and that I don't know what I'm talking about.
And who decided that hugging another man is considered cheating on your boyfriend. I hug my friends because I care about them...not because I want to sleep with them.
There's a flip side to this, where you end up with 27 year olds still living at home with mommy doing their laundry, not because rent is too expensive, but because their parents have enabled them to feel like they are their little angel forever. At 18 you should be able to *want* to move out without feeling like you *need* to move out, and know you are able to function in society while knowing you have support for the things you don't know yet.
maybe they are old and don't know what they are talking about but you can still be respectful in your manner and words and you have every right to walk away as well. I just get angry when I see someone screaming in the face of an elderly person. Also they grew up in a different time, many say things that they don't understand could be considered rude or racist. I had a conversation with a much older man and he called a certain Asian group a term I considered derogatory. I stopped him and said that word isn't acceptable anymore and you should not use that, please use this instead. He stopped and said well that's what we called them and I said I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate being called that and if you want to continue this conversation you can't use that word again. He kept talking and then stopped and said what word am I supposed to use again? He tried! If he had said the inappropriate word again I would've just walked away.
Old people in general will try to converse with younger generations if they are given half a chance. I still think old people should be respected, they have worked all their lives, not lived on benefits, they were not invented for them, lived through hard times and did what they were expected/told.
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Showing respect for long life and the wisdom/experiences they have collected while knowing that mental capabilities may have decreased is absolutely a bad thing. Eye roll
You can respect long life without having to respect "Here's a snowball to prove global warming isn't happening." Refusing to learn a damn thing after your 25th birthday is not wisdom.
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What I found, as I got older, is that if you only spend time around other people your age, your opinions and language and habits tend to stagnate. I’m glad I went back to college at 51. Being in a class with people half, or even a third, my age was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. It kept me from stagnating, and opened my eyes to the issues younger people are having to deal with today—-issues that I never had to face at their age. Some of the absolute s**t they have to wade through every day, or have to prepare to wade through in the future, would’ve f*****g killed my fellow old farts back in the day. You have to stay connected with everyone, not just others just like yourself. That way you stay up to date and moving forward.
You were very lucky to have had enough grey matter to go to college at 51. This old fart here had a very easy time of it compared to youngsters these days. On thing I don't like nowadays is that everyone seems to be searching for an 'ism' so they need therapy and seem more interesting. Their hurdles are so different in many ways to mine but their ignorance about in the day scares me: One thing amazes them - in my day, from a class of 30 girls, 5 went to Uni, 5 wenr ro look for a job and 20 to search for a husband - either outside church or at dancing classes or via family. Obviously,now all replaced by dating sites. That side of life seems much worse now than back in the day! j
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I have to down vote this one. Respecting doesn't mean that they are right, but yes they should be treated with respect no matter what. You don't know how it is to be old. I have hella grumpy 17 yo dog. Can't blame it on being mean person, she's grumpy because everything hurts, doesn't see anything, doesn't hear, forgets in which room food and water is. If it was person, she'd call me ugly words whole day long. Doesn't matter, still gonna treat her with respect and any old person too.
All the love to your dog. However, zero respect for the remaining Koch brother, who is old and wrecking the place on the way out because he can. This is why the post above said "Some."
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Age does not equal wisdom. Sad lesson learned. My maternal grandmother was absolutely horrible to my mother (her daughter). She was one of the most racist, ignorant evil b*tches on the planet. I literally sang "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" when I heard she died. Good riddance.
This post getting less upvotes due to big old egos...this is absolutely valid
I'm old. I'm nice. I respect you and expect a certain amount of respect in return. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't respect me for being old. Respect me for being another human in the world.
I said this in anothe comment, but basic respect such as please and thank you is for everyone. Respecting people as an authority is only for when theyve earned it.
Yup old and mean. Some of us are mean young people abs get more brazen in old age!
Couldn't agree more! You treat people with respect because they earned it, not based on their age. Example: the average Fox News viewer is 68 years old, and there's a 99.9% chance none of them deserve any respect.
Like I said earlier, you have to earn respect for me no matter who you are or how old you are. I don’t care who your daddy is, you do not know my parents
LMAO you sound totally ignorant and you can't even spell it. And you're trying to interject your opinion LOL what a laugh you are. Your parent certainly did a bad job on raising you or you were such an asshole that you didn't listen and hate on all old people. You should respect old people because they usually know more and been around longer. But if they're disrespectful because they turned out to be like you then the younger person should either walk away or in a humane way tell them they're wrong
Wrong and I don't agree. The same can be said of younger people who lack life experience and think they know everything, especially when elders take the time to share life lessons/wisdom earned from an extended life perspective! Respect your elders, they have managed to live longer, if nothing else, don't be a young fool!
Need to agree on a definition of 'repect' and of 'ignorance' before this can really be meaningful, anyone ageee?
Maybe you should listen more to older people. They didn't get to be old by being dumb and ignorant. Be respectful and listen, you could learn something.
I'm never sold on this. I find this really idiotic and really peeved me growing up years ago. Sure I've not lived as long. But when I tell you there is a scientific reason why something wouldn't work then it has nothing to do with age. God sometimes I really detest the entitlement of these people.
Bless my grandmother's heart... she was raised on a farm in the deep south and referred to people whose skin was darker with the "n word"... I would get upset and she did try not to say it around me... "colored, uh black, uh African American?" She tried.
I have a problem - the 'n' word was always totally derogatory in UK but coloured or black were fine. African American sounds odd to me because, having lived 25 years in Africa where the country or ethnic group was far more important than the continent. In any case, I just hope they got to chose this for themselves.
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Mind you, young people are pretty much the same now as when I was young. Nothing changes, just the age.
Being wrong doesn't void the need for basic human respect. Just ignorance at it's grandest scale.
Agreed! Older people don't get to be jerks and assume they get a pass just because of their age. I can't help but suspect that some of what motivates bad behavior from older people is a bit of ageism on their part, too. Do they think that it's not necessary to respect people who are significantly younger than they are? As someone who is in my late '50s, it really irritates me to see this. Age aside, if you want respect, then be respectful. Period.
We shouldn't be prolonging human life beyond 65yrs, hard to get rid of antiquated ideology when the people perpetuating it won't die off.
Do you want concentration camps or euthanasia?
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Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
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This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
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Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
Load More Replies... Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
Load More Replies... This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
Load More Replies... Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
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